"I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you." – Dirty Dancing
I woke up in Hayden West's arms. The last thing I remembered was being halfway through Crazy Rich Asians, trying so hard not to think about the guy sitting a foot away from me, and now he was carrying me.
I'd opened my eyes just enough to see that he was carrying me back to my room, and then I closed them again, I was too tired to argue with him right now, and honestly, it was kind of nice. He also smelled good, just like a generic men's cologne, but I kind of liked the smell of cologne, and he used just enough to smell good without it being overpowering. I'd noticed that earlier too, when we'd be dancing. I still couldn't believe we'd danced.
He set me down on my bed, then walked back out in the hallway. As soon as he was gone, I turned on my back and stared up at the ceiling. So much had happened tonight. Luckily my roommates had barged in before anything had happened, but I kept wondering what would've happened if they hadn't. Would we have kissed?
I wanted to slap myself for even thinking about kissing him, he and I did not like each other. We didn't get along, we argued constantly. So what if he'd ballroom danced with me, and made sure I was okay when I was drunk? He was still him, I was still me, and he'd be in Toronto next year. Who knows where I'd be? Now, I just needed to stop thinking about him, what it felt like to be in his arms, and what went through me when he was pinning me against the couch.
I still couldn't get over the fact that he knew how to ballroom dance. This big tall hockey player, with his long dark hair and almost as dark eyes could do a waltz. I didn't know very many hockey players, but I doubt many of them could dance like that.
This was so bad. I could not be getting butterflies and thinking about Hayden West like this. He wasn't even a friend, he was more of a rival. A verbal sparring partner if anything. Thank god I wouldn't see him again till class on Tuesday, that gave me a few days to figure out what to say and how to act around him after tonight.
Monday morning, I still hadn't figured out, or fully processed the weekend's events, but that was okay because on Monday morning I had kickboxing, and punching things always helped. I wasn't entirely sure what was up with Alyssa, but she seemed to really need to punch something too.
Midway through the class, Mel came over to us and said, "You're not mad at each other, right?"
We both looked at each other and laughed, "No, just really needed to punch something today," I replied.
"Same here," Alyssa says, "plus I'm gonna look so badass with all these bruises Cassie's giving me."
"Girl," I respond, "You're the one giving me bruises today, it's no wonder Mel thinks we're fighting."
"Well keep it up," Mel says then right before walking away, they add, "and remember to keep your arms up at all times, you're gonna lose any fight where you don't protect your face."
We both nod then get back to the set we're doing. Usually, Alyssa and I are both pretty chatty during kickboxing, but today other than the occasional 'nice' and us repeating the numbers for each kick and punch, we've been silent.
"For real though, everything okay," I ask Alyssa as we take a quick break to get water.
"Yeah I'm just stressed about grad school, and thinking about how different everything's gonna be next year."
"Alyssa," I say, pausing until she looks directly at me, "No matter what happens and where we end up, we'll still all be friends. Plus change can be a good thing, meeting new people next year will be good for us."
"You're right, and I know it, I just don't know it."
"Then let's keep punching it out," I reply smiling at her as I grab the pads she was holding earlier and hold them up to block the new sequence of punches we're doing.
She's still going hard, we both are, but there's something comforting about knowing why she was so intense today. We both have a lot on our minds, and I deal with not knowing about next year by partially not thinking about it and partially by just overplanning. Alyssa deals with it by getting in the feels, which is completely valid I just hate seeing her sad.
"Okay, last set, give it your all," Alyssa says to me twenty minutes later when we only have about five minutes left in class.
"I don't know how much I have left, but I'll try," I respond.
Then I focus, and let everything around me kind of melt away, my only thoughts are the numbers of each punch and kick, and how I need to move my body to do them. I'm breathing heavily, and muttering the numbers as I do each one to remain focused, and am completely zoned in. I couldn't tell you what song was playing, or what anyone else in the room was doing, hell It'd probably take me a minute to realize even if Alyssa said anything, I was just punching and kicking with everything I had left. Trying and failing not to think about everything.
One, my left fist collides with one of the pads. Hayden dancing with me in the living room.
Two, my right fist this time collides with the other pad. Falling onto him after he tried to spin me.
K2, my right foot collides with the pad. Him flipping us over so he's hovering inches above me, pinning me into place so close I could feel him breathing.
Three, my left fist again. Pushing back so I'm above him. Our faces are so close. He leans in ever so slightly. I could kiss him.
Two, again. The sound of the door, practically jumping off of him and acting as if nothing happened.
Five, my right fist hits the pad again. Waking up in his arms, he's carrying me. Pretending to still be asleep.
"Okay," Mel's voice snaps me out of the trance I was in, "Good job today everyone, let's spray the pads and I'll see you all on Wednesday."
I drop my stance and start taking my gloves off, I look up and swear for half a second I see Hayden and Teddy standing, looking in from the glass door, but when I look back they're gone. I must've imagined it.
"Damn," Cassie says as we spray our pads and gloves, "And you thought I was intense today. Girl, you were at a whole other level."
"That's what happens when I have to put up with Hayden all weekend," I respond sheepishly.
Alyssa shakes her head as if she doesn't fully believe me, she knows me so well I wouldn't be surprised at all if she knew how I felt about him before I did. Because that was the thing, I had absolutely no idea how I felt about him.
As we walk out of the gym, we pass the student athletes' weight room, and I see Hayden and his roommates, and other guys I assume are also on the hockey team in there, maybe I didn't imagine seeing him after all.
"So I think we should have a PowerPoint night," Alyssa says as we step out of the gym and into the cool damp air that comes with fall in Washington.
"Oh that could be cool," I reply somewhat absentmindedly, "I've seen those a lot on TikTok."
"So have I," she replies, "It sounds like a lot of fun, and we could also do group cooking and make a whole night of it."
"I'm in, and I bet the others will be too, we could use a good girls' night that doesn't revolve around applications."
"Hey, our application study parties are fun though," Alyssa says.
"I agree," I reply, "but I think we're the only ones who feel that way."
"Ugh when did we become such nerds," Alyssa calls out with a laugh.
"I'm afraid we've always been nerds, you're just now realizing it."
We continue chatting as we catch the bus to take back to our apartment. We used to always shower at the gym and then go back to class so we wouldn't have to leave campus, but this year we decided we didn't want to have to carry our boxing gloves and shower stuff and a change of clothes around campus with us all day. It's a bit of a tight gap, but it's worth it to get to take a real shower.
The rest of Monday is relatively uneventful, I have both of my major classes, and as much as I love astrophysics, sitting through two hours of lecture is still painful, following that with three hours in lab and then a few more on homework and applications has me practically dead when I get back to our apartment that night.
Luckily it's Adri's night to cook, we each try to pick one night a week where we cook for everyone, and even though we're all decent, Adri's nights are always my favorite. Tonight she made spaghetti, and it was just average spaghetti, but then she'll bake garlic bread to go with it, and her garlic bread is heavenly. I don't know what she puts in it, but it's by far the best garlic bread I've had in my life.
"Adri, you're a saint," I say as I grab my fourth slice of it.
"I know," she replies grinning from her spot at the counter. We have 'family dinner' a few times a week, but since we don't actually have a dining table we end up with two people eating on the barstools and the other two either standing or sitting on the couch. It's spaghetti night, and none of us want to get sauce on the couch, so Lyra and I are standing while we eat.
I love having dinner with the girls, and this quarter with how busy we all are, we're lucky if we all eat together more than twice a week. We always go around and talk about our days, and just catch up. It's one of those incredibly small things, that you wouldn't really think much of that I think I'll miss the most next year.
As excited as I was for next year, It was a little scary to think about how I'd be starting over somewhere where I didn't know very many people, and how I'd probably be living all by myself next year. But I tried not to think about that too much, I wanted to enjoy these moments while I still had them, and besides we'd probably Facetime all the time.
The next morning, my heart was beating so fast as I walked into the lecture hall for our film class. I sighed in relief when I managed to get there before Hayden, that gave me more time to overthink about what I'd say to him, and what he'd say to me. Would we talk about what had happened? Was it even worth talking about? What if that was just a normal thing for him?
He walked in five minutes later, "I'd just like to say that the only reason you beat me was because Payne decided to be an ass and take a forty-five-minute shower this morning."
I laughed, "Does that mean you didn't shower, because if so you can go sit over there," I say pointing towards the other side of the room, where it's still empty because we're still in this ridiculous competition to beat the other to class every morning.
"No, I'm late because I did shower," he responds, "you're welcome."
"I'm not going to say thank you for doing the bare minimum," I respond dramatically rolling my eyes, but smiling.
"I spend half my life around guys, trust me for most of them showering isn't the bare minimum," he replies.
"I think you're spending your time around the wrong guys. Maybe you just attract guys that don't shower," I reply.
"Then explain to me why Payne is friends with me when he takes the longest showers known to man?"
I shrug, "There's always an exception that breaks the rule."
"And to think," he replies, "I thought you were going to be nice to me today." His words are stern, but we're both using a more laid-back tone than our usual arguments. It's more of two friends bickering as opposed to the mortal enemy energy from a week or two ago.
"I am being nice," I respond, "I'm giving you great advice about hygiene."
He shakes his head, "Anyways," he pauses, "We have a home game this weekend, and I was wondering if you wanted to come?"
I look at his face to gauge whether he's being serious or not, could this be some sort of joke, but when I look at him he looks genuine and almost nervous. He can't be nervous though, he probably invited people to his games all the time.
"Oh," I start to say, "Um sure. I've never been to a hockey game before, when is it? And um where?"
He smiles, "It's on Saturday and believe it or not it's at the ice rink."
"I hate you," I reply shaking my head at the ridiculous grin on his face and tone he used to tell me where it was.
"I'll take that as a 'yes Hayden I'd love to come to your game, you're so smart cool, and handsome.'"
I sigh, "I'll give you an I'll try to come. But smart and cool I don't know about that."
"But you didn't deny handsome," he says with a cocky grin on his face.
I very lightly hit his shoulder, "Shut up, the lecture's about to start."
The smile doesn't leave his face the entire lecture, and it kills me. He's sitting there grinning just to bother me. I obviously didn't intend to leave handsome out of my rebuttal. He's clearly good-looking, I don't need to say it to boost his ego even further.
When the class ends, without saying anything we gather our stuff and begin walking to our next classes, but together this time. He waits for me to finish putting my stuff away, and I hold the door open for him as we leave the building, then match each other's pace to walk.
"Seriously though," he says after a second, "you should come to the game, it's the first home game of the season, and it'll be fun.
"Okay," I respond, "I think my roommates have been wanting to go anyways, but you better win. I don't want to go just to see us lose."
"Oh never mind then, I was planning on losing, don't come," He deadpans.
"Shut up," I respond, then as we're about to part ways, him for whatever class he has next, me to lab, I ask, "We still on for our next movie?"
"Yeah," He replies, "practice ends at 7 so come over around like 8?"
"Sounds good," I respond, before walking into the lab and pulling out my phone to text the girls.
Cassie Bennet: "Do you guys want to go to the hockey game this weekend?"
Lyra: "We so should!!"
Lyra: "Wait did Hayden invite you to his game??
Cassie Bennet: "What?? Why would you ask that??"
Lyra: "Timing's kind of suspicious, didn't you just get out of class with him?"
Alyssa: "I'm in. Lyra's right though, very suspicious timing."
Cassie: "Anyways..."
I turn my phone on do not disturb after that, and begin working. I know they're going to continue questioning me about the game invite endlessly, but honestly, they're reading way too much into it. He and I are like kind of almost friends now in a way, it makes sense for him to invite a person he's kind of sort of almost friends with to a game. Plus it's Hayden, he probably just wants to show off his hockey skills. I'm not going to read into it, they shouldn't either.