'Most of it is...BEN's fault?' you echoed faintly. 'I don't get it. He's been nothing but good to me. He's supported me through all of this, and you're saying that he caused it all?'
'Not all. Most. And yes. I see my brother was correct; you see the glass as half full when it comes to judging a person.'
She was wrong. Your viewpoint on the glass being half full or half empty was fickle—it changed if someone's tone sounded wrong when they spoke to you. You couldn't help but see only the negatives if someone seemed to threaten the peaceful life you had created with Frankie. You also couldn't help but only see the negatives if someone seemed to threaten your friendships. It had happened with James, and now history was repeating itself.
'You're wrong,' you said. 'You have to be wrong. There's no way that BEN would ruin shit.'
For the first time, there was a clear emotion behind her words. 'I understand that you do not wish to view him in a...bad light, but you must understand that you do not know everything.' Pity. She's pitying me.
'Of course I don't understand, cause no one fucking tells me anything!' You didn't mean to raise your voice at her; you truly didn't, but you couldn't help it. Understanding that you didn't know everything was something you had come to terms with long ago. You didn't need to be reminded.
'What do you know? You must know something...right?'
In broken and jumpy sentences that mirrored your broken and jumpy trains of thought, you told Iskra about all the times you and BEN had brainstormed about who was responsible for James' death. You told her about the report that Željko had written, and what had been said a few weeks prior when both Mik and Željko had visited: the confirmation that the murderer was someone else.
Once you had finished speaking, neither of you moved or spoke for a short while. Then, Iskra gently placed her shark plush to the side, getting to her feet and walking across the floor with barely audible footsteps. She opened one of the desk drawers and pulled out a notebook, offering it to you with a silent plea.
When you took it, immediately flipping it open to the first page, you discovered that it was a diary. Specifically, Mik's diary.
'Read it,' Iskra said. 'You said that no one tells you anything, which is true, so I am giving you something that will tell you more than I ever could.'
'Why do you have Mik's diary?'
'They left it lying around.'
'That didn't—' Hang on. This...this isn't a diary. Your eyebrows furrowed as you took in each word written on the page in front of you, a pit slowly expanding in your torso, leaving you feeling hollow.
'An informal confession of the crimes committed by Mik Garcia, Željko Kovacevic, and BEN (Ben Lawman).
help me i have no idea how to format this nggghhhhhhh
We started to interfere in the living world about a year ago after BEN fell in love with a human. At the time, the things we did were small and didn't require the use of our abilities: finding out where they (the human) lived, their past, any social media accounts—that kind of thing. We (Željko and I) only agreed to help because we felt that BEN deserved a chance with this person. BEN didn't ask to be sacrificed like me and Željko did. Plus, he's eighteen. He's still a kid. It's not fair to put a kid in a leadership position and forbid him to interact with other people. He's not like Željko, who couldn't care less if he never spoke to anyone ever again, or me, who's job is to talk to people...BEN needs company, and we wanted to be the supportive older adoptive siblings that we are. (Do we even count as siblings? I know that BEN and Željko are only two years apart, but I'm....I don't know how old I am. Whatever.)
As time went on, things got worse. I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I never noticed anything, but then again, neither did anyone else. We started to hear about the murders, and then BEN told us that Kyler had mistaken a joke for an order. Then BEN got resurrected by the Boss, and things just got worse from there. I can't even tell if the whole resurrection thing was accidental or not. I wouldn't put it past BEN to plan on that happening.
BEN has lied and manipulated to get what he wants, and he only stops once it hurts (Y/N). For an all-powerful entity, he is incredibly dumb at times. He gives (Y/N) far too much credit—yes, they're incredibly strong and resilient, but they aren't invincible. He should have realised that he was going to hurt them. To his credit, he appears to have stopped...but that just makes me more concerned. Nothing he says can be trusted.
Željko and I are just as bad. Željko got the order to wear down on someone's mental state, so he did. He got the order to fake an investigation and its report, so he did. I, on the other hand, only had one proper job, which was to find two people and pretend to be a 'concerned friend'. What happened afterwards was out of my control, but I still feel guilty and performed the mind wipe as a favour. On top of that, we've been keeping people quiet, helping Kyler, keeping people away from things they aren't supposed to be involved in—the list goes on and on.
We're thinking about getting the Boss involved. Even though we had no choice but to do what BEN told us to do, we feel partly responsible for the mess that's been created. We could have done something to stop him or divert him somehow, but no. We just followed along. We're certainly not innocent, and seeing the chaos that's been caused has been...eye opening. We never expected it to go this far.
To summarise: Kyler is innocent in all of this. Željko and I...not so much. We're powerful enough to say 'no', but we didn't. BEN is, obviously, the one in control of everything, and even though I don't think he has bad intentions, he cannot be trusted. Nothing he says or does can be trusted, because there's always the chance that the entire situation has been set up months in advance. Is he evil? I don't think so. Is he dangerous? Without a doubt. Sure, he wasn't the one who killed all those people, but he initiated it. He sets up the dominoes, flicks the first one, then watches them fall as someone else takes the blame.
I know this is entirely me rambling, and I apologise, but this is important. I'd rather ramble and write too much than not write enough. Now, for specific events. BEN has stolen—'
You snapped the diary shut, feeling your fingers shake against the engraved cover.
'Why did you show me this?'
'You deserve to know. Mik has never lied, so everything that he has written is true.'
'How do I know that? What if this entire thing is just a joke or something to make me isolate myself again and cut BEN off?' You couldn't believe what you had just read. After all BEN had done for you, were you expected to sit there and listen to what he had supposedly done? Nuh-uh. 'This...none of this sounds like him. I don't even know the people mentioned in here! There's no names, no titles, nothing. For all I know, this could be from years ago, and it's been rewritten to mention me.'
'I believe Željko wore down on the mental state of a police officer? I do not know the names.'
'Sherry?' You scoffed, your brain immediately playing a montage of every encounter you had had with her. 'She's always been rude and bitchy. She just reached her breaking point.'
'And the reappearance of your parents? Do you think that it was a coincidence?'
'Of course. No one knew where they were, if they were alive, or if they even wanted to come back. They came back to see me on their own—no one manipulated them into doing it.'
Iskra's face was as blank as always, but her pity shone through her words even brighter than before. 'I know it's hard to believe, but you must consider what Mik has written. She only wants what is best for you...and I want the same. You did not ask for any of this.'
'I'm sorry,' you said, 'I know you're trying to help, but I don't believe you. BEN's done so much for me.' He stopped me from relapsing; he carried me home after I confronted my parents; he whisked me away so I could recover. There was no need to do anything else, and he knew that.
'I see.' The shark plush was once again in Iskra's hands. 'I had a feeling that you would say that. Would you believe it if I told you there was more physical proof?'
'I don't know. Depends.'
'Would you like to see it?'
'I guess so.'
'Good. Somewhere in Mik's diary, he mentions a jar. To find this jar, you must leave this room and go right, straight, right, immediately turn left, down the stairs, left again, and then there should be a ladder leading up. Don't hit your head on the chair when you go up.'
There's no way I'm remembering all of that. 'Can I borrow a pen so I can write that down?' There were a few blank pages at the back of the diary, so when Iskra handed you a black ballpoint pen, you asked Iskra to repeat the directions and hastily scribbled them down as she spoke them. 'Thank you. Do you know what's in this jar?'
'No. No one but BEN can enter the rooms where he has hidden things—but since you aren't a member of the cult, you should be able to go wherever you want. Just be safe.'
'I will.' The whole thing felt cheap. After all you had endured, you were supposed to believe that it was all the work of a single person? And that all the proof was written down in a notebook?
If only BEN were here to explain things himself.
never played baldur's gate 3 but my brain has decided that we cant sleep without daydreaming about astarion. cant wait to use the same scenario every night for the next year. i also cant stop listening to mori calliope's cover of internet yamero. 'holy fuck i love these women' me too calli
- k.