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First day at dorms felt the same as the the first day at dorms in Thailand, first day at college as well.
The difference was there was no excitement, there was no joy or high expectations of doing new things.
He remembers the day he arrived to his room sharing it with Joey and Leo, that was the first day in that beta country.
How tiny the room was or how small his locker was were not an issue in Thailand, sharing bathroom with other thirty students was okay to him too, it felt normal.
But it felt like hell here sharing with alphas, the corridors and rooms reeked with pheromones other than sweat and body odors, even in the showers where they are supposed to be washed away.
To Keith it seemed like an alpha can wash away even sins with water and soap but never his pheromones.
To make it even worse for him his roommate was an alpha too named Ryan. And even though he was a nice alpha but Keith already made up mind about alpha students.
Not only alpha and omega students, but even betas.
People who came back from Thailand were treated differently even from their own kind. They were treated as refugees to some and disgrace to other. The most hurtful was being treated as people who didn't take responsibility, who chose themselves over their people and returned empty handed. War escapers.
For that Keith kept a low profile afraid to be bullied at his old age of 19.
First days were hard, not only to him but to Joey too, they hated the atmosphere around them, how people ignored them or threw faint words at them, 'scum' 'beta whore' 'disgrace'. For Leo is was the opposite, he loved being ignored and he would throw a fit at anyone trying to even look at him the wrong way taking all his anger out.
Keith seriously thought of being more like him but he soon changed his mind, being the outcast should not stand long unless he acts like Leo.
The first day he was pushed down the stairs of his dorm. Fortunately didn't take much of a damage. "A miracle" Leo said laughing.
The second he passed by a sports ground and got a hit to the head by a flying ball that flew over the fence. Not a lame 'sorry' was even heard. Only hushed laughs.
By the third day a girl bumped into him spelling her hot coffee over his white shirt, burning his chest. Her smiling mouth spitted a cold apology before running to her friends who were already waiting for her giggling.
The fourth day was the worst. The burn on his chest stopped stinging, but he tripped on a swinging leg to fall on hands and take injuries to his elbows. This time he wasn't waiting for an apology, but he didn't expect the person who tripped him to kick him while on ground. He sheltered himself with his hands so his forearms took the injury. After that writing became hard for him for a while.
By the fifth day a younger student in age and built tried to initiate a fight at campus. Keith at that point reached his limits and wanted to fight too.
"You fucking traitor. You think you can come back after the storm has calmed down?"
But it didn't calm down. The storm has yet to come and destroy land. So no one encouraged the small beta, neither ganged up on the traitor. So that day passed without scratches nor burns.
Even when the fight never happened. Students middled in. Still Keith's rage never disappeared from that point on.
The crazy thing about these kind of encounters is they were made by betas. Keith could've sworn that at least one of them is an alpha, they were intimidating, scary and crazy. But he knows they were all betas. He did his investigation to make sure of what he deals with.
"I wanna kill myself."
Joy whispered through a sigh. Being close enough for Keith to hear.
They sat on a bench at 8 in the morning next to a coffee shop inside uni. Watching students running by to catch their classes after getting their coffee.
"I want to too. But they are going to take care of it. Don't rush things, let them enjoy it first."
He pointed with his five fingers on a hand to all the people on campus who passed by.
People were either betas, alphas, or omegas. If betrayed betas won't murder them then it will be by the people with pheromones. They will gladly do the job.
Keith once heard an alpha who stays in the room next to his say:
"Why did those fucking betas return? I would kill them if I can. Those betas hate us, they might hurt us if we don't act first. Thailand must poisoned their minds by now."
He was laying on his bed at that time, those words broke through the thin wall of his room. That alpha might even said it out loud on purpose Keith thought and didn't care at last.
"You saw Layle yet?"
Joey asked out of the blue as he crushed the empty paper cup in his hand before throwing it in the bin.
"Not yet." Maybe not ever he wished.
The name Layle rings in his ears everytime he hears it. Never got used to it again after the two years. Even when he says it it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Though the word itself is pretty but the effect is ugly. The letters hung in his throat, the sound leaves but the bulkiness never does.
"I did." Joey said. "Twice." He added throwing his face at Keith's direction. "I passed by him actually but he didn't recognize me. I didn't say anything either. I'm afraid he might beat me up as he promised if he noticed me."
"Don't sweat it."
Keith replied lighting a cigarette. Drinking coffee with a cigarette is his favorite thing to do these days.
"People talk about him. I'd be surprised if you didn't hear. They say he is the prince of our uni. I don't know why would they say that when we do have an actual prince attending uni here. Even though prince Alex doesn't show his face much."
Then a pill of pain killer appeared in Keith's hand taking it out of his pocket. He knew he is going to have a headache from all of what Joey has to say. But he was too proud to admit to him that bringing Layle into any kind of conversation is going to hurt his head as much as it hurts his heart. So he didn't ask him to stop.
"I think he have a fan club. It's named Prince lovers. Isn't that funny? I mean he didn't have one at high school!"
Joey said with all seriousness.
"But hey! I heard he has a boyfriend so the fan club might be for Prince Alex. That seems more believable."
Then comes the heartache. Or the heartburn.
Drinking coffee on empty stomach might be a reason. Or else it would be the cigarettes he consumed or even the pain killers that the pharmacist warned him they might give him ulcer.
It's not because of what he heard about Layle. He had heartburns frequently. It's not a heartache he assured himself.
He threw the unfinished cigarette in his coffee before throwing the cup away. Leaving Joey talking to himself. Heading to his class.
Every step he took was heavy. He thought about throwing the bag that contained his laptop away. It was heavy, so heavy it felt like carrying a mountain on his back. Dreaming about reaching class before collapsing he thought about throwing himself to his knees so someone might help him. But he knew no one would, so he dragged his heavy feet. Heavy back. Heavy heart.
People passing by as he passed by them. No one cared to look at how sick he looked, he didn't have it in him to call for help or phone Joey who he left behind.
This time he didn't wish he was at Thailand. He wished he was still at high school. Non of this pain would scatter his body if he was seventeen again.
Then the thing that broke the last straw in him happened in front of his eyes. Making him stop in place.
Layle.
He saw him.
Against his wishes in his most vulnerable state.
From all the people that walked around him in different directions a person catched his attention walking from afar.
Golden hair and golden eyes that shined from afar were the only things he needed to recognize him. No matter the distance he would always recognize him.
He followed with his eyes the oblivious Layle walking next a pretty small boy. Both in white. Matching clothes the first thought that came to Keith's mind making him laugh in denial.
They are going to get coffee was his second thought.
Those golden eyes that didn't look at him were the same but everything else was different. As he got closer it felt like he was getting away until he passed by him with Keith turning his face away afraid to be noticed. Still pinned in his place.
'That's Layle.'
He is Layle. But it didn't seem the same Layle he knew once which made the laugh vanish in a second.
He didn't even laugh in the first place cause he saw him.
Then his knees betrayed him. The mountain he carried on his back weighted him to exhaustion. He fell on the ground clinging his chest to stop the heartburn.
That day he promised himself not to drink coffee on empty stomach.