<In contradiction and paradox, you can find the truth>
|Kian|
*PLAY THE MUSIC ABOVE ON REPEAT AS YOU READ! Suits the chapter perfectly!*
"PUT THE gun down first, Kian," Rina coaxed as she creeped close, her hands upright in submission, trying to convince me.
"Goddamnit, why are you here Rina?!" I roared, furious, the gun still pointed at Kincade's frozen form.
"I'll tell you if you can put the gun down. Please." Her voice was soft, a plea expressed on her face, boots scraping across the floor quietly like she was damn aware that any wrong move could set me off.
My anger skyrocketed to the roof, a raging surge that had me yelling, "Are you crazy?! This guy killed my mother, stabbed her twice in the stomach. And seven years old me was there. Kneeling down, begging my mother to come back. But no! She couldn't because she was dead. You hear me?! She was fucking dead and murdered in cold blood! And you know what?!"
Sweat dotted my brows as I nodded at Kincade, the gun in my palm trembling in fury. "That black motherfucker laughed. He fucking laughed at us!"
Silent, Kincade stared at me, face haunted, his hands still up. He knew that one word, one single word, from him would get him a one-way ticket into hell, within the twinkle of an eye.
"I can still hear it, Rina. It's like a fucking bell that tolls ceaselessly in my head. He laughed while I laid on the floor crying for her to come back. That bastard laughed as he took the person who was my everything and left me with nothing. I couldn't sleep for years without waking up screaming. Dad became distant and cold and I had no one else apart from Jared and you. He made me a monster. . ." My voice cracked, scalding tears burning the back of my eyes but I refused to let them fall. No. Not in front of my mother's killer or anyone. Crying would make me weak and I needed to be strong right now.
"I know, Kian." Rina inched closer, imploring eyes, misty. "I know."
Swallowing the lump in my throat down, I glared darkly at her. "So why the fuck are you telling me to drop the gun down?! That bastard isn't innocent! He's guilty of every wrong decision I have ever taken in my life. Because of him, I have to divorce his daughter, the woman who made me believe in love again."
Simultaneous gasps of disbelief escaped from Rina and Kincade.
"You married again?!" She'd paused, her brows arched in shock.
"My daughter? You married her?!" Kincade's thunderstruck voice reached me.
Sliding my infuriated gaze away from Rina's crouched form, I pinned it onto Kincade, ignoring their questions. It was time to act.
With a deft twist of my fingers, I pointed the gun at his forehead, subjecting him to a venomous look. My tone was grave, melancholic as I spat, "The minute you escaped from your prison, you entered inside mine. You don't deserve freedom and you never will, because I'm avenging my mother's death right fucking now!"
Instead of retreating back, Kincade stood, as immovable as a statue. His facial features were shuttered, a stark contrast against the orange background of his uniform. "I'm already resigned to my fate so do what you will, son."
That fucking word, son.
Narrowing my eyes, I cocked the trigger, gritting out forcefully, "I. Am. Not. Your. Son."
"No, I won't let you kill him." From the corner of my eyes, I spied Rina's beanie shaking, a defiant move. Quick, she brushed past me to stand between Kincade and I.
Maddened, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Stop trying my patience and get out of my way, Rina."
"No, Kian. You got it all wrong." Fire blazed in her eyes, her stance, adamant.
Jesus Christ! Why was I surrounded by stubborn women?
Beads of spittle flew in her face as I roared, cords of veins streaming down my neck, "This is my last warning. Get the fuck out of my way! That bastard needs to greet the devil when he meets his crusty, black ass in hell."
No. Another firm shake of her head. "It wasn't Kincade who killed your mother. Your father did."
"What?!" I stumbled backwards, as if a great blow had been dealt to my guts, all the air sucked out of me. "Shut your fucking trap, Rina."
Her pale lips moved fast, sadness tinged in her low tone. "Your father killed your mother because she saw him touching me indecently."
"No, no, stop talking." I jerked my head to and fro, disbelieving of the shit that streamed out of her mouth. "Stop fucking talking, Rina. It's not a joke!"
She looked me straight in the eyes, her next sentence rocking the very foundation of my world. "It's true, Kian. The babies I aborted, it was your father's."
My knees gave way, the uncemented ground meeting me in a rush, just as the gun dropped from my right hand. The moment it did, I faintly registered Rina rushing to snatch it away and tuck it inside her back pocket.
"No, no, no. You lie, Rina, you lie." I rocked, clammy palms cradling my face, my entire world collapsed. Destroyed.
Snippets of the past replayed like a movie in my head, repressed childhood memories. Mom falling down the stairs and having a miscarriage. The minor quarrels that persisted after that. Dad's aloofness whenever she told him to check up on us.
"Kian," Rina called softly, her shadow falling across me as she bent down to my level. "Kian."
"Stop crying, son. Your mother's in a safe place where no black shit can harm or touch her. You hear me? No one. It's me, you and your brother now."
"God, no! Not my father. No!!!!!" I threw my head back, a guttural roar tearing out of me. Angst whipped at me, dragging me under, my heart splintered by a thousand needles. I was lost, drifting in the sea of ruin.
Unseeing, I vaguely heard Rina say out loud, "He's in shock. Kian, can you hear me?"
I shut her out, our last argument flashing in my mind.
"Rina, tell me! What got you like this? Who made you like this?"
"Well, ask your damn . . ."
Father.
Now, I understood why she'd trailed off, unwilling to speak. She'd been conniving with my father the whole damn time, even going as far as to sleep with him. Jesus. Disgust had my skin crawling, a bitter taste stuck in my mouth. She'd cheated on me with my fucking father. The same person who'd allegedly killed my mother.
Rina's cold fingers caressed my cheeks, lingering. "Kian, come on, look at me. I know it's unbelievable but you need to hear the truth."
Violent, I shook her touch off, loathe to feel her hands anywhere near me. Then I lifted my stinging eyes up, uttering in a small voice, "You knew, Katharina. You always knew."
"I did." Tears brimmed in her red-rimmed eyes. "Give me, us." She pointed back at Kincade's pitiful expression. "Give us a chance to explain. Please."
Her eyes bore into mine, a glimpse of the teenage girl that had once captured my heart, staring back at me. The agony glinting in those sky-blue depths told me she'd gone through hell too. They carried an honesty that howled to be let out. A truth I didn't want to believe. But I knew, I'd realized that deep down, my cold father was capable. More than capable.
"Please," she pleaded once more.
Steeling myself, I heaved in a deep breath and stood. "Start from the beginning. Don't leave any single detail out."
***
Rina stood by my side, casting a sharp-eyed look at my side profile to be certain I was not still in shock. But I was. It felt like I was trapped in a dream, a terrible nightmare where I was a useless participant that could not counter any attacks.
Leaning against the wall, Kincade folded his hands, resting them on his stomach as he spoke, his detached stare fixed to the dusty ground, "Friday, September 15th, 2000. Yeah, I still remember that day like the back of my hand. It was late afternoon and I was to drive your momma to school so she could pick you up after dismissal. When we were half-way there, she realized she forgot her purse 'cos she wanted y'all, you and her to go shopping for your birthday, the next day. Before we drove back home though, I called the other driver to go pick you up instead 'cos Chicago has heavy traffic and it was gonna take us some time."
The big man paused. Light from the barely hanging bulb filled the room, illuminating the interior of the shabby warehouse. A slanting, faded sign hung next to the entrance, specified its past use- Miller Bros Cement, the smell of the musty, rotten shelves farther in the right, wafting to my nostrils.
Licking his lips, he bowed his shaved head and continued, "Ten minutes passed and your momma didn't appear. I know because I kept on checking my watch constantly. I sat, wondering what was taking your momma so long until I heard loud screams. I got scared and I had to go check. That was my worst decision, not calling the police right there. All I thought of was your momma's safety."
Again, he halted, the regret tinged in his voice, so evident. I wasn't unscathed either. I rued that day too, so fucking much that I wanted him to stop talking. I ached to escape but I stayed, rooted to the floor like a fucking statue.
"When I reached the foyer, the door was open and I saw your father standing above your mom, a knife in his hands. She was already dead and Miss Katharina was also there, hiding behind a sofa."
Rina flinched besides me but didn't say a word.
What were you doing there, Rina? The words lay on the tip of my tongue but I stifled them. Her time to explain would reach.
"Richard saw me and started crying, screaming. Said she caught him molesting his girl. I didn't understand, especially after witnessing him killing your mother. Also, I had no gun and I just wanted to save Miss Katharina before he killed her too. But he was quick to corner me with his knife, threatening to kill my wife and my baby girl." Kincade lifted his head up, gazing at me, a faraway look on his face.
My voice could barely be heard. "Simisola and Jadesola?"
"Yeah." His eyes widened but he nodded. "He threatened to kill them if I didn't take the blame for your mother's death. I couldn't back down, it was either me or them so I chose me. Richard was very rich, he had a lot of power and I was just some measly, black guy with no money. So yeah, I became your mother's killer on his behalf. The one who was obsessed with her."
"Yes, you can take me away, I don't care. I've done what I've always wanted to do. What I've always desired to do once I set my eyes on her. After all, if I, Kincade, can't have Ava, then no one can!"
For a long moment nothing else was said. Only the sound of my ragged breathing filled the room. My chest rose and fell dangerously, the ache in my heart intensifying with every intake of air. It hurt to breathe. To exist. To know that your whole life, right from the start, had been a big, fat, lie. Who was my father even?
"The knife had your fingerprints on it. Why?" I asked, itching to cling onto any evidence that would wash away the sins of my father.
Kincade lifted his body off the wall, jaw ticking in anger as he uncrossed his arms. "It did. Richard cleaned his fingerprints off and made me hold the knife at gunpoint."
And just like that, the final nail was hammered in my coffin. Bereft, I breathed out, "I married your daughter, yet she had no idea of who I really was. Neither did her mother, which is surprising because she was the one who insisted we both get married. Does it mean Simisola didn't recognize I was Richard's son?"
"No." A sad smile tugged at Kincade's cracked lips, his eyes lowered to his empty ring finger. As if he stared long enough, a wedding band would magically appear on it. "Simisola had no idea I worked for Mr. Fields. You see, I don't like dragging my work life into my personal life. But my wife did know I was charged with murder, just not for whom. And she was never allowed to contact me during and after the court trials, because her parents forbade it. She had eloped to be with me."
Nodding, I asked in a calm tone belying the anger and gloom that ran rampant within me, "Assuming all these are true, why and how did you escape from prison?"
He inhaled deeply, rolled his shoulders and replied, "Richard visited me a week ago. As the Illinois senator, he had this charity workshop organized for us, prisoners. He requested an audience and slipped me a paper with this cryptic message: It's sad that all your efforts were in vain.
The crack of his knuckles rent the air, his voice rising higher, anger tainting it. "All my life, I'd done what I'd been told. Kept my head down as others stepped on me. Risked my own hide so my loved ones could live. Took shit from inmates who hated my black ass." He fingered the scar next to his right eye then gnarled them into tight knots. "But once I saw that message, I knew I had to do something. Anything. And thank God, there was a security breach in the prison."
"I escaped yesterday, found my hands on the nearest payphone. I tried calling my wife's old phone but it didn't go through. So I called Miss Katharina's office from a flier I saw lying around randomly. She gave me your number so I could speak to you. To let you know the truth. I also begged Miss Katharina to come 'cos I wasn't sure you would believe me."
"The police are probably looking for me right now and any moment, I will be caught." He trudged forward, brows creased in a frown. "I just have one request, Kian. If you could help me arrange a quick visit with my wife and my daughter, that would be greatly appreciated. I need to see them before I get back into that hellhole. Please."
Helpless plea coated his gruff sentence but I averted my gaze, my voice coming out sharper than I intended it to. "I need to think."
He went quiet as I ruminated on the horrifying details I'd been force fed, striving to believe that my father was innocent. That it was all bullshit. That Kincade told untruths but I couldn't. I'd learned psychology in school while majoring in business and his voice was straightforward, unwavering. He wasn't faking it.
"Stop crying, son. Your mother's in a safe place where no black shit can harm or touch her. You hear me? No one. It's me, you and your brother now."
Black shit. It all made sense. Father had implanted the seeds of hatred for black people inside me. Those seeds had taken root, growing, twisting its thorny vines around my heart until all I poured out, was hate for them.
Jadesola's tone resounded in my head, a clapping thunder. First time I met you, you threw a racist comment at me! Racist bastard!
Because of him, I'd treated a lot of people horribly. Including the one person who mattered the most to me. Jesus.
I bolted my eyes shut, immense hatred for myself, tightening a noose around my neck. Every memory where I'd been a racist asshole, flayed my skin, peeling it open as poisonous lead slowly trickled through my veins. I was a disgrace to all of humanity, a total shame.
"I'm sorry," someone whispered, grabbing my hands and squeezing softly. Rina.
Sorry doesn't change a damn thing!
Furious, I pried my eyes open and shifted that hatred simmering in me towards her. "What else don't I know about Richard?" I couldn't bear calling him father. "What's your part in all these, Rina?"
Long, agonizing, minutes passed and yet Rina said nothing.
"Fucking tell me! You cheated on me with my father. Kincade said he saw you by the sofa while Richard killed my mom and yet, you never told me?! Why?!" I yanked my palm away from hers, jaw clenched, anger blazing at me.
She stared at her quivering hands, lips trembling. And I looked at her. Really looked at her. The HIV had taken a wicked toll on her, her willowy form, a goddamn mess. Sunken, dark circles laid beneath her eyes, blonde hair that cascaded down to her leather jacket, dull and without life.
"Why?!" I yelled, the dam in me about to burst.
Her expression tightened in panic and she shifted her gaze to the floor. "I just couldn't tell you."
Pain laid in my question, "You couldn't or wouldn't? Why?! Rina? Come on, look at me!"
She didn't.
Fed up with her trying to evade my question, I grabbed her shoulders, jerking her like a ragdoll. "You lived with me for years as we grew up. You became my wife, my other half after we married. We slept together, ate together, loved together and yet, you fucking kept that to yourself?!"
"Son, calm down." Kincade came closer to separate us. "You're hurting her."
"Stay out of this!" I scowled at him, my fingers digging into Rina's collarbone as I roared, "I need to know! Why?!"
She jerked her head up and yelled back at me, finally unable to take it, "I was also trapped like Kincade! Your father groomed me for years, since I was six. He said I was his greatest gift from Mary so he stripped me of my innocence and warned me not to tell anyone. And I didn't. I was too scared to talk or leave him! It was also why I married you, he wanted us together so he could continue taking advantage of me."
"He made me do a lot of depraved things. Slept with me so many times I lost count and I aborted his baby twice."
My fingers released her as I took a step back, dumbfounded to the core. I choked out, an ache nagging at my temple, "Richard did all these?!"
"Yes." Rina sobbed loudly, an ugly cry, tears streaming down her face. "He killed your mother because she found him trying to rape me. She screamed and threatened to tell my parents. And that triggered Richard. God, I can still remember the way he pursued her and held her down then did unimaginable things to her before he killed her."
"Jesus." Tears rapidly filled my eyes, pain enclosing around me. "I can't believe this."
"You have to." She drew closer and clutched my palms, pinning a soul-shattered gaze at me. "I really loved you but I still despised that you couldn't see what was going on. Your father ruined me. His sexual appetite made me hypersexual, it made me seek other men's attention to remove his sickening touch. The HIV I was diagnosed with, I suspect I got it from him. And I know I acted crazy but everything I did was a call for you to actually see me. To save me."
Her face crumpled, cheeks wet with tears. "Forgive me, Kian. Please."
That plea tugged at my heart and I broke down. She was also a victim in all these. Christ.
"Oh, Rina." A brutal war was waging inside of me as I wrapped my arms around her trembling body. Gently, I stroked her hair as we cried together, stuck in a world of misery. Her cinnamon scent washed over me, the only proof indicating that all of it wasn't a dream.
"You should have told me. I would have saved you from that bastard."
"It was impossible, Kian. But that's not the worst of it all. The guilt I live with has been eating at me for years and I can't hold it in. Richard is A–"
Before she could finish, her phone vibrated. She gave me a small berth, wiped her nose with the back of her right hand and picked it up. "Hello, Jared."
Kincade stared at us, mercifully silent. I ignored him, my head pounding even as I wondered why Jared called. I couldn't even hear him, Rina's phone wasn't on loudspeaker.
"No, no need. Kian is with me. I'll give him the phone." A flash of terror glinted in her eyes as she passed it to me.
Piqued, my guard was already up as I took the phone. "Jared."
"Kian," Jared's voice reeked of urgency. "You're not going to like this and I need you to stay calm."
God, not another bad news. Regardless, I braced myself, jaw set. "Hit me."
"Miss Jadesola has been kidnapped by A.M. The fucker that rapes young girls before he leaves his marks on them."
I froze, my heart dropping to my stomach, blood chilled to death. Nothing had prepared me for this sort of alarming news. "What the fuck?!"
"I've been trying to reach you but you weren't picking up. The security guards patrolling the area found her bags, your car keys and his signature chloroform on the ground, the one he leaves on his crime scene. We need you in the station so you can give us some information about Miss Jadesola. This is a big deviation from the girls he kidnaps and we are wondering about his motives, especially kidnapping your secretary. . ."
His voice faded, my ears stuffed with wool. All my sense of reasoning was gone. The only thing I could think of was Jadesola in the hands of some psychopath, pregnant with my child and helpless to fend for herself. Terror squeezed my heart again.
"Kian. Kian. Are you still there?"
When I didn't reply, still shell-shocked, Katharina took the phone away from me. She conversed with Jared, Kincade by her side in full panic mode.
I tore at my hair, tormented and screaming inwardly.
Why does this always happen to me? First my father, now my wife?!
I loved her. I loved Jadesola so fucking much and yet I'd stopped myself from saying those same words. How could this happen and I never let her know how much I loved her? Our baby? God, I wanted to ask for her forgiveness. Fuck!
Katharina switched her phone off, face as solemn as a graveyard.
"What did he tell you, Miss Katharina? That a killer has my daughter?" Fear was plainly written on Kincade's agonized features. "This must have been what Richard was talking about. Fuck." He paced around, fists bunched.
Rina's voice slashed through the air, cold and brittle. "I know who he is."
I looked up. Kincade too.
"Who?" Kincade's voice was so tiny, like he was trying to hold back tears.
"It's Richard. He's A.M. Ave Maria, the serial killer."
"What?!" Kincade and I caught our breath at the same time. Just what? Like how many fucking blows could I withstand in a day?
"Yes, he is the one. I've known since I was twenty."
I hurled out, disgusted, "And you never said a word? How could you?!"
"My life was on the line."
Pointing an incensed finger at her, I bit out between clenched teeth, "Your life was on the line?! What of those children he killed? The innocent girls he raped and murdered for more than twenty years? You did nothing but sit down, arms crossed and looking on without telling the police? Jesus Christ! I can't!"
Enraged, I raised my knotted palms up and lowered them down again, the sight of her proving repulsive to look at once more.
Kincade queried her, grueling her for answers I wasn't even interested in anymore. When he got nothing, he began pacing around the room, face hardened.
Shifting a few steps aside, I punched at the wall, kicking at it. Taking all the frustration vested in me on the moldy bricks. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
My knuckles were bruised as I striked the wall repeatedly, uncaring of the pain.
Punch. It didn't compare to the grief flooding every cell in my body. Grief at myself, my wife, mother and the depraved human being I'd termed my father. Someone that had killed his own wife, kidnapped the love of my life and was also a serial killer.
Another blow. But who was I to talk? I'd also raped Jadesola. I was no different, little wonder I was a beast too. It was coded in our genes to destroy and cause untold chaos. Bile rose in my throat, stomach churning.
"Everyone calm down!"
I paused mid-air and glanced at Katharina. She stood akimbo, her arms signaling a calm down gesture. "We all need to think straight and make a plan. Every single moment we spend blaming one another is Jadesola getting into serious trouble. I'm not proud of who I was in the past and it's time for me to rectify all the errors I've caused by keeping quiet."
Kincade hung his head, downcast. "We don't even know where he took her to."
"I know where he is. But we can't just barge in. He's smart. He had someone tailing me but I shook him off by slipping something inside his drink." Determination had her pursing her lips as she made up a plan. One I didn't like or accept. But I had no other option, not when she'd refused to call the police.
Once we were done with organizing the plan, she handed me my gun. "You might need this. Again, I'm sorry and I promise that I'll do all in my power to find Jadesola."
Tucking the gun in my pockets, I said nothing, jaw ticking. Actions, not words Rina, actions.
A sad smile tugged on her lips when she noticed my vow of silence. It disappeared as she debriefed us again, taking charge like a commander eager to lay siege. "Let's move now. We definitely don't have much time. He kills on Sundays so we have to be fast."
It was evening already as we headed to where she'd parked her car, choosing to use hers to avoid raising any suspicions. I selected the front seat, Kincade taking the back seat where he would be completely shrouded by the black, tinted windows.
Rina slipped a pen-knife beneath her beanie and threw a baseball cap at Kincade. "Wear that. It'll shield your face."
At my curious glance, she quipped and started the ignition. "Yes, I came prepared and yes, as a woman, I always walk around with a pen-knife. Now, let's go deal with that motherfucker!"
Her hands shook as she managed the steering wheel, nervous. Kincade's huge sigh met our ears, anxious. I closed my eyes then reopened them, devastated.
Our journey to nowhere started, Rina and Kincade going over the plan, again and again. I didn't join, numb. Rather, I fished out the ultrasound picture I'd kept in my pocket earlier. Turning it over, I studied the black and white photograph.
I'd been in a rush when I first viewed it. But now, I could notice the formation of a head and the curve of that tiny body that would bloom into a beautiful mixture of Jadesola and I.
Our little one.
My vision dimmed. Tracing a finger over the image, I slanted it upright and pressed a kiss on it.
Kincade leaned over, sweating profusely despite the cold air, courtesy of the AC. "Is that Jadesola's baby? My grandchild? Please may I?" He held out a trembling palm, voice filled with emotion.
For a slight second, I hesitated then handed the picture to him. "Yeah."
He took one look at it and began crying into his stained shirt, his tears muffled as his tattooed biceps quaked. "I hope to God that we find her."
Clenching my fist, I looked away. Revenge sat in my heart and there was no rest for me until I had Jadesola in my arms back again.
A/N: Hey beautiful people, how have you all been?
Thoughts about the chapter? And don't worry, more secrets will be exposed in the next one!
Love,
Nita.