Fitz met Keefe at the gates to Everglen and cheerfully let him in.
"You seem...happier than I expected," Keefe told him. "And here I was worrying I'd taken too long to come check on you. I just figured your family might want some time before the rest of us started coming over again."
"I appreciate that," Fitz said. "And it's awful having Alvar here. My parents are being so stupid about it."
It wasn't like Fitz to speak of his parents that way. He had a good relationship with them.
But this situation was unthinkable.
Keefe should know. Finding out his mom was in the Neverseen had been a huge shock, and they weren't even close. She hadn't really been a good mom. For the Vackers to find out Alvar was a traitor—and then suddenly his memories are gone and he's back at Everglen—Keefe couldn't blame Fitz for struggling hardcore with this.
But he also felt compelled to say, "it has to be hard. He's their son, they want to believe the best." Not that his dad ever did that for him. "You have good parents, don't freeze them out forever."
Fitz sighed. "I know."
"So it's been awful having him here?"
"I just can't buy into his act. It's not like he's even acting like himself. He used to be funny, joke around about stuff. Now he's just..a shell. He's polite and formal and obviously not Alvar—evil or not. There's something we're missing. And I'm afraid we're really going to pay for it when it comes to light."
"So still no memories?"
"No. Sophie even came over and tried. We tried together, and nothing. It doesn't make sense."
They'd made it up to Fitz's room by this point, Fitz shutting the door firmly behind him as though somehow that would make Alvar feel even further away.
"So Foster was here? And even your combined Cognate magic couldn't find any memories?"
"Nope. And then I got mad and it started to affect my echo so we had to leave. And..." Fitz got this weird goofy grin as his voice trailed off.
Keefe didn't like where this was headed. Please, no, he thought to himself.
"And?" He prompted, afraid of what he was about to hear.
"Well...I didn't really want to go back to the house and end up running into my parents, I just wasn't in the mood, so Sophie and I were walking around the grounds. There's a lot here that she's never seen. And we wound up in the reception hall. She thought it was crazy that we had a reception hall, so I pointed out that that's what her bedroom at Havenfield used to be."
Keefe, who was by now a master at hiding his true emotions, smirked. "What, humans don't have reception halls in their houses?"
Fitz laughed. "I guess not. Anyway, she was looking around and acting really overwhelmed, and got really sad when I explained that the reception hall is for holding Winnowing Galas. And I don't know...I just couldn't stand it. It was obvious she was trying not to cry. And...well, we haven't talked about it, but I know you can tell we've both had feelings for each other for a while—like you always tell me—"
"You can't lie to an Empath," Keefe finished for him, feeling sick but pretending to merely be politely interested.
"Exactly. And I wasn't going to say anything because she's still undecided about registering for the match and I don't want to put pressure on her, but I couldn't stand seeing her fighting tears over me, so finally I just kind of blurted it out."
"Blurted what out, exactly?"
Fitz blushed ever so slightly. "That the only name I even want to see on my list is hers."
Ouch. Foster probably loved hearing that. "Whoa. What did Foster say?"
Fitz smiled. "She told me she's liked me since the day we met. I had no idea she'd liked me for that long. And then I...I tried to kiss her but before I could, Silveny started transmitting to her in pain and begging her to help."
The story of Silveny's labor and delivery temporarily drove everything else from Keefe's mind.
He was so glad that alicorn mama was okay.
And definitely wasn't sad that Glitter Butt had disrupted them before they kissed.
But then Fitz told him all about their moment under the Panakes. About how Sophie was worried about them not being matched, and Fitz telling her that there was no way they wouldn't be.
Keefe thought he saw a problem here. Wasn't matchmaking mostly about genetics? Sure, they both manifested an ability, so they had that going for them. But how could Sophie be matched with anyone when they didn't know who her biological parents were?
But maybe Forkle would tell her. Or at least tell the matchmakers.
Keefe decided it'd be best not to bring it up.
"And I don't know, she looked so freaked out by everything. I wanted to kiss her but I was afraid to, afraid she wasn't ready, didn't trust me enough. So I didn't."
All the more reason, Keefe thought to himself. If she's freaked out because she's not sure she's really that important to you, why would you not kiss her?! It's you she's not sure of.
But then, Fitz didn't know she'd already kissed Dex. Maybe he thought kissing was what she was scared of, but Keefe knew better.
She was worried about not being enough for Fitz.
Not that Keefe was upset that she and Fitz hadn't kissed yet.
"So instead I just asked her to trust me and told her we could move at her pace."
Don't throw up. Keep it together. "So Fitzphie is finally official? It's about time, dude."
Fitz just grinned at him.
Well, at least Keefe's friends were happy.
Even if he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.
But...he needed to go to Havenfield.
He needed to see that Glitter Butt really was okay. And she was probably having a hard time being away from her babies. Keefe could cheer her up.
And see Foster.
And tell her that he knew about her and Fitz.
And lie through his teeth about being happy about it.
So he leapt to Havenfield. Foster was out in the pastures with Silveny—right where he knew she would be.
He was usually pretty good at hiding his emotions—thanks, Mom and Dad—but this was hard.
She looked so beautiful. He knew the experience with Silveny must've been really scary and of course she managed to find a way to save the day because this was Sophie Foster...
And she wanted Fitz.
It's not like he hadn't always known. Except...she wanted him too. He'd felt it in Lumenaria.
Sometimes he wished he hadn't.
Wished he'd just known there was no hope so he could move on.
He wasn't sure moving on was even possible at this point, he was in so deep.
But he knew. He knew her heart wanted him, even if her head never did acknowledge it.
And he wanted it so badly.
But today? Today she was with Fitz.
So he walked up to her and he encouraged Silveny, making jokes as he helped name the twins.
And as Silveny's mood improved, Foster's relaxed.
"So how did you know the alicorns were here?" Sophie asked, leading him to the shade of Calla's Panakes tree.
But Keefe didn't sit down beside her. Instead he stayed standing, kicking up fallen petals and shifting his weight from leg to leg.
This was where Sophie and Fitz had their moment. Who knew, maybe soon they'd share their first kiss right here.
The thought made him want to throw up.
"Oh. I stopped by Everglen this morning. Figured it was time to be a good best friend and see how Fitzy was holding up, you know? And, um...he filled me in on...everything."
"Oh really?" Sophie asked, looking suddenly awkward. And her mood plummeted. Anxiety, uncertainty, confusion, all of which nearly buried the few Fitz-induced flutters she was also feeling.
"And there's the mood shift," Keefe said quietly.
She bit her lip. "I have no idea what you mean."
"Yeah, I figured you'd say that." He reached up, not thinking, and tore a hand through his hair. "Okay. I know you don't want to do this--and trust me, it's the last thing I want to do." Like, really really. "But...Fitz is my best friend. And you're...you." The girl I'm in love with. "And no matter what...I don't want to ruin that. So...I figured you should know that I know, okay? I know something's changed."
Sophie took a deep breath. "I don't--"
"Come on, Foster," Keefe interrupted with a sigh. "You know you can't lie to me. So yeah, maybe nothing's changed officially since I'm pretty sure Fitz would've bragged about it endlessly. But I can feel it. Right here."
He pressed his hand against his heart. And for a second he had to fight to get control of himself. He knew some of his pain must've been visible on his face, but she didn't seem to understand its source.
"So I just wanted to say: You don't have to act like it's a secret. Because it's not. It never really has been, honestly. I've been waiting for you guys to figure it out for years. I'm pretty sure our whole group has, between all the blushing and the cute little gifts and the 'look at us, aren't we the cutest Cognates ever?' and the 'let's stare into each other's eyes and do some trust exercises' and the 'teal is my favorite color in the whole world but no one realizes why'."
Maybe he hadn't quite gotten control of himself after all. A lot of his pain and bitterness came through in those comments and he immediately regretted them.
Sophie crossed her arms and scooted away from him. "Wow. Okay. Not sure why you're being such a jerk about it, but..."
Don't you? Isn't it obvious? I just want you to pick me!
But...it wasn't like he deserved her anyway. He'd hurt her more than anyone else had, when he left to infiltrate the Neverseen.
And he wasn't being fair. And certainly wasn't being kind.
So he dropped his gaze to the ground, kicking up lots more fallen petals. "You're right. I'm sorry. Those were just...bad jokes. I don't know why I made them." He swiped a hand through his hair again, letting out a long, slow sigh, trying to pull himself together. "What I'm trying to say is...I knew this was coming. So...congrats! And as long as you guys don't expect me to start playing chaperone--and keep all Fitzphie smooching and snuggling far, far away--then...it doesn't have to be weird, okay?"
Weird wasn't a strong enough word.
Gut-wrenching was more like it.
And of course, Ro jumped in and threatened to use her dare to force Keefe to come clean.
He glared at her and snapped "even you're not that mean."
Oof. He really didn't have control over himself. He needed to figure out how to handle this or he would lose the only people who cared about him.
Mercifully, a Bo-Ro Bickerfest ensued, effectively diverting the attention off of him.
And then they did some battle training with Ro, who wore them out.
At least being active helped clear his mind.
But then he looked over and saw Sophie studying her right hand, which was starting to look swollen.
And he remembered that day in the Healing Center when he'd leaned over to place the Prattles pin on her bandage and she'd gotten those weird flutters for him.
But that memory was not helping him today.
Today he needed to go home and curl up in bed and just let reality wash over him.
"You should probably take a break," he told her, still looking at her hand.
"Yeah, I need to check on Silveny anyway." She turned to head toward the alicorns' pasture.
Keefe ran to catch up with her.
"Hey, Foster?" he said, stepping in front of her to block the path. "I'm...really sorry about earlier. I never should've said the stuff I said. What I meant to say is...I'm really happy for you--and Fitz. You guys are perfect for each other."
Lies.
Would they be good together? Maybe. Fitz really did care about her, though Keefe sometimes suspected that Fitz didn't really see her very clearly.
But perfect? No.
The only thing he could picture being perfect was Sophie with him.
But Foster blushed—which was normally something he really enjoyed—and looked like she might cry. But all she said was "thanks."
And she was hitting him with an intense overload of emotions.
Overwhelmed, confused, worried, and uncomfortable. Those were the main ones.
In Keefe's mind, that was not how someone should feel if they've recently entered into a relationship they have supposedly wanted for years.
Shouldn't that tell her something?
But maybe he was getting ahead of himself. Maybe she was just still fearful about the match, and afraid to get her hopes up only to have them dashed if she decided not to register or if she did register and didn't find Fitz on her lists.
He should probably say something comforting about how Fitz was a good guy who really cared about her and would always be there for her.
And it was all true.
But Keefe couldn't say it.
Not today.
Today he was sad and angry and bitter and terrified of doing or saying something that would harm his friendships with his two favorite people.
But he was also seriously contemplating just finally telling her how he felt.
Then she'd understand why he'd been acting strangely today.
And he knew she'd be nice about it, even if...
If her head refused to believe that Keefe was the reason she felt so confused.
But what if she did? What if this fixed everything?
He tore his hands through his hair again, going back and forth, before ultimately deciding against it.
If she wasn't ready to hear it, he'd just ruin his chances. And it would always seem like he'd just done it out of jealousy or like he was hoping to one-up Fitz, and he really didn't want that.
So all he said was, "so...you don't hate me?"
After the way he'd acted earlier, he wouldn't really blame her if she did.
But Sophie rolled her eyes. "Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you--I'm never going to hate you!"
He smiled, but he knew it lacked its usual luster.
He was just so...tired. So sad.
"Well. I guess that's good enough. For now."