Nola Scott
"We're going out."
Those were the words Ember had spoken to me the second JT exited our apartment. I was upset because of the events from earlier and her and Jay had been my outlet for those two hours. My little argument with Miles had not been good for me. It was all that I was thinking about and I was about to go off my rocker if I hadn't been distracted. Drinking alcohol wasn't in my plans for the next couple of weeks but I was in dire need to forget the day ever happened.
Em and I showed up at the bar around 10:30. Since it was a Saturday night, the place was full of college students. We ended up running into familiar faces and everyone asked me where I'd been. They also said they thought I died. I kind of fell off the face of the earth these past two months so I didn't blame them. We ran into my lovely friend Eli Webber. Thank God for Ember that Joey Van Natta wasn't present.
We stuck around the frat because of free drinks. After my fourth shot, I stopped counting. It had been a long time since I had gotten shitfaced and lord did I miss it. Once my thoughts began to get foggy and I started letting loose is when I had my most fun.
Some blonde guy in a cap tries flirting with me but I ignore him, looking around for Em. Eli had decided she would be the perfect pool partner and stole her away.
I missed her. I also needed to pee.
"Excuse me," I slurred, walking away from the poor guy without another word. My eyes caught the familiar tiny brunette by the bar with a bunch of frat guys. She was smiling big as they all talked in a big group. "Em!" I shouted out to her as I walked in that direction. Her brown eyes found me quickly and she waved me over. When I made it there, I ignored every man in sight. "Come to the bathroom with me, please."
She said bye to all the guys she was with and then practically dragged me to the restroom. There was a line so we got behind the girl in front of us. "This is so much fun!" she exclaims. Em gets to do this whenever she wants. I, on the other hand have been trying not to participate in these activities for the sake of wanting to focus on one thing. Worlds. "It is," I admit, a small part of me missing it. Going out with the team on the weekend was always fun.
My phone buzzes in my purse for the millionth time tonight. I haven't checked it for my own good but my curious brain makes me dig it out of my purse. When it lights up, I notice I only have three notifications. One text from my little sister, another from mom, and an Instagram notification. Am I going crazy? I swore that thing had been vibrating all night.
My purse vibrates against me again but I'm holding my phone in my hand. "What the heck?" I whisper, digging into my purse again. My eyes widen when I pull out another phone. Only it's not mine, it's... "Miles," I whisper. "Where?" Ember says, looking over at me. My eyes stay latched on his phone in my hand. "Here!" I shook the phone in front of her face.
Em gasps. "Why do you have his phone?!"
"I don't know!"
My roommate stays quiet for a while and glances at the line to the bathroom. "Let's go!" She's already pulling me out of the bar before I can fight her. "Where are we going?" I question as we slip out the doors. My feet hurt. "The diner!" Ember tells me, walking quickly to the diner down the street from the bar. How is she walking that fast?! My head is basically spinning.
When we make it inside the diner, it's quiet and God it smells delicious in here. "I want pie," I whine when Em pulls me into the bathroom. "Ow," I groan as we stumble inside. My feet are really killing me now. "Pull it out," she says suddenly. "Huh?" I say confused. "Miles' phone, pull it out!" Her tone is pure mischief. "Why?" I ask nervously.
"We're going to look through it, duh!" Her brown eyes don't show any sign that she's joking. My mouth opens to say words but I fail plenty of times. "Are you crazy?! I'm not looking through his phone!" I say exasperated. "You won't, I will," Em giggles and grabs my purse from where I set it down on the sink. "Emily!" I shout.
She shoots me a look and I shake the cobwebs out of my head. "You did not just call me Emily. Now I'm really going through your boyfriend's phone," she snaps. "Ember," I say tightly as she grabs Miles's phone. "Of course, he has a password," she grumbles, "when is his birthday?" I'm about to tell her that won't work but she pulls out her phone. "August 2nd, 2019," Em says. Did she just search up his birthday?
Em puts in the password and gasps, giggling. She turns his phone and it's unlocked. Really, Miles? "Ember, do not look through his phone! What if someone invaded your privacy like that?" All of a sudden, I'm sober. I can see in my friend's eyes that she is not. "Don't you want to know what he has your number saved as? Or what dating apps he's on? What if he's on Grindr, Nola?" Ember rants. I roll my eyes.
"This your doing. Do not tell me anything, I don't care!" I hold my hands up but she pays no attention to me. Miles' phone keeps her busy and I feel like crying. If he knew what was happening right now, he would be pissed. Especially since he hates me. Because I 'pity' him. I do not pity him. How ridiculous can he be to believe that?
"Are you sure you don't want to see anything on here?" Em interrupts my thoughts. When I look over at her, she's smirking. "No! Em please stop, right now." With the way he was acting earlier, maybe I shouldn't care if she's looking through his phone. Let a stranger look at it. Fuck his privacy. "You sure? 'Cause I'm sure I'm looking at you in his camera roll right now." That makes me step forward and her eyebrows raise in challenge.
Then I remember. "We went to Au Revoir. He took a couple pictures of me, I already knew that." Em nods her head slowly, her lips pursed. "Did you also know that the pictures of you are in his favorites folder?" My face falls flat and I don't miss that flutter in my belly as I give in and rush to my roommate's side. She giggles, showing me his favorites folder. There are seven pictures in there. Two with his parents. One with Tate. One with Jay. Two of me next to the Mona Lisa. And one of the photo strip of our Photo Booth pictures.
I suppress the huge lump in my throat, unable to tear my eyes away from his phone screen. Why is my picture in his favorites folder? It must be some kind of accident, I tell myself as a rush of emotions engulfs me. Biting my lip, I feel the tremble in my hands as I return the phone to Ember before turning to face the wall.
"That's interesting." Her words come out lower than before and then my emotions shut her out completely. We had a lot of fun that night at Au Revoir. I was proud that I was able to get him to let loose after a few days of him pouting. When I dropped him back off at home that night, he thanked me and I swear we were somehow closer then.
Miles doesn't know how much his words and emotions affect me. These last couple of weeks have been stressful for me for more than one reason. I was trying to focus on Worlds since it was quickly approaching but every time I was at practice, Miles was the only thing on my mind. It's been that way since after that night we almost kissed.
I tried to be mad.
I thought he'd been playing with my feelings by getting together with Allie.
I was hurt.
But then he was hurt and I didn't even care about how I was feeling anymore. Miles being upset was more important to me. He couldn't be upset. I didn't like seeing him like that way. Ever since then, my goal has been to make him feel okay. Even if it's just for a couple of hours.
Oh, God. Why does he have such power over me?
Never in my life have I let a man affect me this much. My skin itches at the thought. Getting close to boys is scary but that's what's happened these past couple of months. It's those damned gray eyes. They're so familiar. They're so...
"Nola?"
Sad.
Tears build in my eyes then and I try to hold them back, yet fail. I lean back against the bathroom wall for support but end up sliding down it. "Oh, Nola. I'm sorry." Em's voice sounds so far away. I shake my head, not being able to stop the tears. "Hey, I'm here." I look up and see warm brown eyes. Ember. She's here. She's the only person I want here.
"I like him," I choke out in a sob and hide behind my knees like they'll protect me from my feelings. Ember tries to wipe my tears as they fall but fails when they don't stop coming. "And that's okay. Why are you crying, babes? I don't like seeing you upset." Her lip quivers then which makes me cry more. "I'm fine," I say through tears.
Ember shakes her head. "No, you're not. Tell me what's wrong." I rather not talk about it because then that'll make it real. The fact that I have feelings for someone who made it clear they're not interested in that way. I tell Ember about any conversations I haven't made her aware of like the one where he made up a lame excuse for getting back with Allie.
Let's not forget he also said he didn't mean to almost kiss me again. I also explain to her that I've been feeling this way for weeks. I'm sure I knew I liked Miles pretty early on. But admitting it to myself was hard to do, so I never did. Shutting out my feelings for him was easier but now that I've told one person, a huge weight feels lifted from my shoulders.
"He has to feel... something for you. He put your pictures in his favorites for fucks sake!" Em snaps. "Friends do that. I have pictures of us in my favorites," I retaliate. "Yeah, but that's different. I've seen you guys together. That man is in awe of you, I promise. He's just being a little jerk right now for God knows what reason," she sighs.
I know the reason.
Her words get me thinking. Does he look at me in a way that is more than a friend? I've never noticed. Most of the time, I can tell if a guy likes me but there are zero clues for Miles so far. I wipe my nose with my jacket, not caring if I get snot on it. When silence falls over us, I speak. "So what did he have me under in his contacts?"
Ember laughs and picks up his phone again. I lean my head on her shoulder as she opens his messages. We both look at each other when the only message thread is his mom's. "That's weird. It's like he knew you were going to steal his phone," Em giggles. "I took it by accident!" At least I think that's what happened.
She locks the phone and places it back in my purse. "We should return that. He's probably going crazy looking for it," she insists. I nod my head and we both get up from the floor. "It's late, we'll do that tomorrow." Ember agrees with me and we order two slices of cherry pie before leaving the little diner.
The cold air slaps us in the face when we exit and it stumbles me back.
Maybe I am still drunk.