cousins beach was a place almost everyone loved, especially viviana martin . it held way too many memories for the girl there, with her family and friends
it was all until the girl was around the age of eleven when everything went downhill for her family.
her house wasn't as happy and calming as it used to be with sounds of laughter in it
it was quiet, the only sounds were usually arguing, though they were always careful not to let the neighbors hear
which was stupid in vivianaʼs mind, as they cared more about their neighbors more than their children who were suffering just like them
viviana always wondered what would have happened if their life didn't fall apart, if luna martin stayed alive, would the family still be happy or would they have fallen apart anyway?
she would always start a cycle of what ifʼs that ended with her sobbing herself to sleep.
she had her best friend though, conrad fisher. they boy she believed was her soul mate — platonically
viviana told him everything, and even when he didn't have the words to console her, he would sit with her and let her cry in his arms
he would bring her the muffins, tarts and candy she loved just to see her smile
until one day, it fell apart too
making the girl not just lose her trust in her friends after what he said, she also believed that everything in her life was destined to fall apart
so she became everyone's talk in cousins — the sweetest girl in town revealed to be a stuck up bitch
the one who had almost no friends other than her cousin and her other best friend, justin dunbar. though she would have preferred they werent just best friends, but she never had the courage to admit it out loud to anyone out of her comfort zone.
which meant, conrad and lilith.
so here she was sitting in justinʼs house — the living room to be exact
the girl was making herself comfortable on the couch, resting her legs on top of justinʼs thighs "i missed you justy" viviana slurred, using the nickname she knew he hated
"you saw me yesterday" justin said as he poured himself another glass of whatever alcohol they were drinking now.
“whatʼs with the frown?” viviana frowned instantly, noticing his mood was down.
“you . . . you don't know?” noticing the puzzled look on her face justin groaned “she doesn't even care and i just made a total fool out of myself”
“who doesn't care? what's going on?” her mind seemed to sober up, as she wanted to comfort the boy she loved, who was talking about an unknown girl.
“i told lilith i liked her” justin blurted, in a small voice and viviana almost didn't hear him, unfortunately she did
“what?” justin assumed she didn't hear with how low his voice was so he decided to repeat his words again.
“i told lilith i liked her, and for a second she seemed happy and then she told me she can't be with me”
“oh” viviana mumbled hurt, not that the alcohol justin drank let him understand that.
“what is so wrong with me that she can't be with me?” justin seemed so hurt, and viviana wondered if that's why lilith barely texted her back in the last few days
was she hurt too? did she like justin back and viviana was just in the way of their happiness?
“what does it even mean?” justin turned to look at viviana, his face full of pain making her swallow thickly
“ you know betty, maybe she's just confused or maybe even scared”
“scared of what? of me?” justin pouted as viviana immediately shook her head “no, no, that's not what i meant at all”
“would you . . . would you talk to her for me?” justin wondered, his eyes pleading his best friend “ i just need an explanation, and i won't act on my feelings if she doesn't me to, i just want to be her friend”
“i will talk to her” viviana smiled, and drunk justin believed her smile but sober justin would have never let that smile slide.
“really? i love you” justin smiled at the girl, as he moved closer to her and hugged her
viviana hugged him too, taking in his perfume that she loved “ i love you too justin” she whispered, her heart breaking as realization dawned on her even more.
justin was inlove with another girl, no not just another girl, her cousin, her blood, her sister.
“do you have weed?” justin pulled back, looking at the girl who shook her head silently.
“i thought betty would be here, so i couldn't really bring it with me” lilith never knew of vivianaʼs smoking habits, justin found out last summer accidentally and viviana made sure he wouldn't tell lilith.
she even made it seem like it wasn't a habit, and she only did it once or twice a month.
and maybe she was right, except it was once or twice a day.
“enough about me, what's going on with you?” justin teased the girl who frowned “what do you mean?”
“why aren't you answering your phone?” justin gestured towards her phone that she put on silent when it started buzzing alot. “ your secret lover can't handle being away from you?” he continued with his teasing, as viviana scoffed
“it's not a secret lover” viviana denied as justin hummed
“okay fine let me see it then” and viviana didn't have time to take her phone away, as justin snatched it and started reading from the notifications outside.
more than ten texts from ryan.
viviana? where did you go?
could you at least answer me?
i am sorry, how many times do i have to say it for you to believe me?
justin didn't get to read the other notifications, as viviana snatched the phone back
“what the fuck viviana?” justin looked at his best friend with an annoyed look “you are seriously still talking to him?”
“what? no, of course not!” viviana was offended now “then why is he blowing up your phone?”
“i dont know” viviana shrugged as she looked at justin who didn't seem to believe her at all “ don't lie to me”
“i am not lying, i told you i am not talking to him” viviana repeated as justin huffed
“fine whatever don't tell me” justin snapped “but don't forget what happened last summer”
“ itʼs not easy to forget” viviana mumbled as she stood up from the couch and took her bag
“just sit down viviana” justin huffed as viviana rolled her eyes “it's getting late, i have to get back home”
and as she walked out quickly and made it to her car, she noticed justin standing by the door with a frown on his face.
it wasn't something new that justin acted out when he was drunk or upset — but that wasn't the case this time — he was both drunk and upset
and viviana knew the smart decision would be to leave him alone, because she didn't want to fight him, and maybe just maybe because his words stung a little bit.
maybe even more than a little bit.
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it wasn't a new thing to viviana that her mom was still grieving, almost six years and she still was.
but was viviana still grieving? or was she okay now? she didn't really know, she couldn't remember the last time she talked about what happened that night.
people grieved differently, some would just lock themselves in a house and never do anything new, some would deny it and drink it away, and some become more snappy and angry.
andrea martin preferred to drink her problems away, not that she chose it, she could remember all the times her mother warned her of drinking because she would most likely end up an alcoholic.
that's why closed doors were never aloud in her house, she knew she was alcoholic, she knew she was still in pain, she never knew her pain affected the only one that still lived with her.
closed doors for a teenager meant they were hiding something in andreaʼs mind.
so as viviana sat in her room, with the door locked and her air pods in, listening to music at the maximum volume, as she didn't want to hear anything her mother yelled at the moment
her peace was quickly interrupted by the woman who started trying to open the door, making an annoying sound by the door handle
as the girl put her air pods away and unlocked the door, she was met by her mother's glare "why was this door locked?" the woman asked sternly as viviana looked in her eyes
"have you been drinking?" viviana simply asked as her mother scoffed
"don't answer my question with another question"
"lets get you to bed" viviana said softly as the woman scoffed
"you think I need your help?" the woman said with a glare "you . . . you drove away your siblings viviana" she continued her insults for what felt like hours
viviana wasn't really listening, not until her sister's name was mentioned "luna was such a sunshine . . .now she never visits just like andrew because of you " the woman said, her voice at first sweet yet it changed as she glared at the girl
if looks could kill, viviana would have been six feet under by now
"what?" viviana asked in a whisper, her voice cracking
"you heard me viviana — " that was it, viviana stepped out and took hold of her mother's wrist
as she dragged her to her room, her mother complaining on how much of a brat the girl was
viviana didn't say anything, too busy with holding back her tears she put her mom under the covers and walked away, slamming the door behind her
sure the mother and daughter didn't get along anymore — but it never went that far, andrea had never drank to the point where she was convinced her dead daughter was alive
and viviana was heartbroken — she had experienced heartbreak from a boy before but this was in no comparison to it
she felt her heart breaking for her mother even when the woman never showed her any sympathy or even kindness
this time she felt her chest heaving, as she couldn't breath and let some tears fall down her face, she started thinking of her sister — how much she missed her and wished she was here
she though about the times luna braided her hair, put make up on her face as the girl posed for pictures, all their movie nights which were always Disney movies
that's why she ended up with eight beers in her room under the covers
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i am changing a few things, so make sure you read the chapter again, love youu.