A funeral.
Remus' funeral.
Being granted two weeks off, Violet, James, Peter and Sirius had gone to Cornwall to attend his funeral and grieve.
So with the help of her parents, Violet managed to get up onto the podium in the church. The crowd of crying faces began to spin and blur.
The faces of people who knew. Who knew she found him. Who knew she crushed his ribs trying to save him. Who knew how much she loved him.
"I'd like to... thank everyone for coming." She tried to manage a smile.
"Remus Lupin was..." She felt tears well in her eyes and tried to smile them away, but instead, her expression faltered which made people cry even more.
"He was the leader of the school book club who made everyone feel included. He was the quidditch commentator who insulted anyone who mistreated his team." She laughed softly. "He was a friend to all. He was the love of my life."
She looked out the window, soft rain falling on the graves. She dropped her happy expression. "Everyone keeps on telling me that... Remus wouldn't have wanted to see me like this. To see any of us like this."
"But to be honest... I don't think he even thought about us like this." Tears began to stream down her face as she imagined his cold body. "I don't think he thought about how his closest people would react at his funeral."
"Because... Because he should've been thinking about his upcoming exams, what courses he was going to take, and what he wanted to do when he was older. Hell, he should've just been thinking about what he wanted for dinner. He shouldn't have been thinking about how he was going to be found or what flowers he wanted."
"And he shouldn't have been thinking about saying final goodbyes to ones who he loved eternally... Because what's eternal about that? What's forever about love and death?"
"Grief."
"... He was only a kid. A kid who got hurt too young and had to spend the rest of his life paying the price."
Violet took a moment to steady herself. To flatten her messy hair and to wipe as many tears from her face as she could.
"So, when people in the future ask me about him, that's what I'm telling them. Remus was a kid... who was everything. Who meant... everything."
She looked at his friends, who were barely breathing through their tears. "It may not be how he wanted to be remembered but it's what he was. And I think anyone who truly knew and loved him would agree."
"Because I love him. And I know."
Uneasily, she managed to walk back to her seat before falling into the embrace of her mother.
"You did so good baby," She whispered into her daughter's ear. "I'm so proud of you."
Racked with void-like guilt, Violet stayed quiet. Because she wasn't proud.
She wasn't proud of something she never wanted to do in the first place.
She just started emptily at the coffin, picturing the nightmare of what was inside. Knowing she had already seen it. Knowing she will never get that image out of her mind.
She half-mindedly listened to Remus' mother tell people where the wake was being held and how everyone would head there while Remus was being buried.
Everyone began to walk out of the church to the venue, but Violet made the mistake of looking back.
Hope Lupin was crying as her body was slung over her son's grave. "Just five more minutes, please."
Violet stepped away from the line and began to walk to the woman. "Mrs Lupin?" She spoke quietly, trying to hide the crack in her throat.
Hope looked up. "Violet," She scrambled up into the arms of the young girl whom she had once helped change the nappy of. Now grief-stricken and empty.
She couldn't tell if the woman's voice was full of relief or despair, but she hugged her back. "I was meant to go first! A mother isn't supposed to outlive her child- it- it should've been me!" She cried.
"Even if it was you it wouldn't have been fair," Violet whispered, not pulling her eyes away from the casket. "So no, it shouldn't have been you. Because it shouldn't have been anyone."
Hope pulled away from the hug and looked at Violet's lifeless eyes. "You really loved him. And he really loved you."
Violet finally met the gaze of the woman who was almost like a second mother to her. "I still love him."
She spoke softly to Hope. "I have something. I took it from his drawers while I was cleaning and-... I think you should have it."
"What is it?"
"... It's a drawing. It's in my room at home, I can give it to you as soon as I get back-"
"Remus was telling me about how excited he was to give that to you. It's yours, dear."
The two sat back down together, staring at the casket.
"Mrs. Lupin, can I ask you something?"
"Of course, dear."
"Why... Why did you let him stay at school? If I had a child who was sick I would want to spend every moment with them but you... You let him stay at school."
Hope smiled, placing her hand on Violets.
"If I had kept him away from you and his friends in his last moments, he never would've forgiven me." She smiled as tears fell down her face. "I couldn't let him die hating me."
"He could never hate you. I don't think there was a single hateful bone in his body."
The women sat quietly for another moment.
"I heard how much you tried to save him Violet and... I'm sorry you had to go through that."
Violet turned to Hope. "I would've done anything."
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