CHAPTER TEN
daily massages became a routine for Hana during her 'recovery' stay at the village with Zuko and Iroh. she told the masseurs that her body was still sore and aches from their journey, but truthfully she had recovered within the first two days. she was being a typical Fire Nation noble and relishing in the luxury of appearing helpless.
at home she would do this just to fit in with her friends, not out of her own selfish desires, but it seems it's now become a habit to her like it has her friends in the Fire Nation.
she walks out of her afternoon massage feeling relaxed and stress free...until she spots a new ship at the docks. a large Fire Navy vessel to be exact.
her immediate thought is that they've came for her. they found where she was and came to arrest her for abandoning the Navy and killing an Admiral. but then she remembers who she's traveling with, and they're more valuable than her.
"uncle!" Hana shouts for Iroh while passing villagers. he found it best for her to pretend they were related so that her identity wouldn't be uncovered.
Hana stops in the doorway when she notices Iroh, "we need to go! the Navy—"
"—who do we have here?"
Hana's eyes go wide at the feminine voice in the room. she holds back a gasp as she sees the one and only princess Azula standing by the window with Zuko.
"wait, don't tell me...you're the girl who transferred to my brother fleet," Azula fakes a sympathetic sigh and brushed her hair out of her face, "he and my uncle got you all caught up in their mess"
Hana looks to Iroh who is glaring at his niece. Zuko stays silent by the window, seemingly in his own world.
"I don't understand..." the Fire Nation noble girl glances between the three of them, "what's going on?"
Azula hasn't tried to arrest her yet, so maybe she doesn't know her full story. or maybe she does and is trying to lure them into the ship before she arrests all of them. they certainly aren't heroes at the moment.
"you're all going home," Azula says, brushing by Hana's shoulder, "i'll be back tomorrow"
Hana waits until Azula is out of sight before speaking again, "what just happened?"
"we're going home," Zuko says, still in his own mind as he rushes to gather his things, "after three long years. it's unbelievable"
"it is unbelievable," Iroh now stands by the window, "I have never known my brother to regret anything"
Hana goes to stand beside Iroh, "the Fire Lord lifted Zuko's banishment?"
"father's realized how important family is to him. he cares about me" Zuko says in reply.
Iroh turns to his nephew, "I care about you! I mean, if Ozai wants you back, well I think it may not be for the reasons you imagine"
Iroh has a point, the Fire Lord isn't known for being kind-hearted and family-oriented. he's ruthless and focused on power just like his predecessors.
"you don't know how my father feels about me. you don't know anything"
"Zuko, I only meant that in our family, things are not always what they seem"
Zuko quickly turns to Iroh, "I think you are exactly what you seem: a lazy, mistrustful, shallow old man who's always been jealous of his brother"
"Zuko!" Hana gasps, rushing after hun as he tries to leave, "that was uncalled for, you uncle only wants what's best for you! the Fire Lord is his brother, he knows him better than anyone!"
"and for you!" Zuko points a finger at Hana, completely ignoring what she said, "the moment we step onto that ship, I don't want to see you ever again. don't look for me, don't talk to me, nothing! I want you out of my life!"
Hana stands frozen in shock as Zuko walks away. she wants more than anything to follow after him, to comfort him, but Iroh puts a hand on her shoulder as she begins to take a step.
"let him be alone this time," Hana turns to see the hurt on Iroh's face, "he doesn't mean what he said. our family is a tough subject"
Hana frowns at the older man's sadness, "Iroh...he shouldn't have said that to you. I haven't known you long, but I know you're a better father than the Fire Lord will ever be. Zuko needs you as his home, not him"
"he needs both of us"
"I don't know if he wants me, though. one second he wants me to stay, and then next he's telling me to leave and forget about him"
"my nephew is not used to caring about other people. trust me when I say that he doesn't want you to leave"
Hana nods, "I trust you"
+++++++++++++++++
sometimes, when you care for someone, you have to let them go. in Zuko's case, it's when you don't want to care too much, but for Hana, she's already deep down that hole. she cares for Zuko more than anyone else.
she never thought that she would doubt her decision to give up everything for him, but his words stuck. ever since he left she's thought about what he said to her.
maybe things have been moving too fast, she's been trying too hard and it's overwhelming him. or maybe, the thought that hurts her the most, he really and truly doesn't want her around.
even now, as Hana walks behind Zuko and Iroh as they approach Azula's ship, she's wondering if what he said was true, that he's truthful about never wanting to see her again.
part of her wants to run away, to give him what he wants and stay out of his sight. but as the three of them walk on the dock to board the ship, Hana looks at her surroundings.
it's eerily quiet, and Iroh notices something is off as well as he looks around. Hana expected a bit more...joy to the Prince's journey home after three years of banishment.
"are we ready to depart, your highness?"
"set our course for home, captain," Azula says. Hana watches her, and doesn't believe the Princess is entirely genuine. her tone seems forced.
"you heard the Princess! raise the anchors, we're taking the prisoners home!" Azula glared at the captain while Iroh and Hana glare at her.
as Iroh believed, this was a too good to be true setup. he immediately springs into action, kicking away two soldiers behind him, including the captain. Hana follows suit, kicking and pushing all soldiers that try to grab her.
she firebends a blast strong enough to push one soldier into the water below. one soldier sneaks behind her and tries to wrap his arm around her neck from behind. she grabs the arm around her and pulls herself to the ground, flipping him off of her into the water. she kicks out a blast of fire to another soldier trying to catch her while she's on the ground, but a blast from another person knocks him down.
Iroh reaches down to her and grabs her hand, pulling her up and dragging her and Zuko away from the ship. they run for what feels like miles to her, and maybe it is. they end up in the woods, following the stream that flows to the village they were previously at.
"I think we're safe here," Iroh huffs as they stop.
all three of them fall on their hands and knees to catch their breath. Zuko pulls out a pocketknife from his pocket, which makes Hana instinctively reach for her sword. thankfully she still had it with her. it survived their journey and she made sure to bring it with her.
Zuko takes the knife and cuts off his ponytail, and Iroh does the name with his topknot. they take away what makes them different from everyone else, their done up hair that most royals have, and throw it into the stream.
Iroh hands the blade to Hana who looks at it with wide eyes, "do I really have to cut it?"
Zuko keeps his eyes on the water, he hasn't looked at her since the night before, "unless you want to be easily spotted and arrested, I'd do it"
Iroh takes notice of her discomfort and takes the blade back, "i'll do it for you. I won't cut it all off, just enough for now"
Hana nods and takes a deep breath as Iroh takes her hair by the ends and holds the blade where he wants to cut it. Hana's always loved her long hair. it was short and didn't grow fast when she was a child, but as she got older her hair no reached her mid back, the longest it's ever been.
she opens her eyes after Iroh is done, not even realizing that she closed them in the first place. she watches her hair drift off downstream and touches her hair. it now reaches the base of her shoulders. it hasn't been this short since she was 13, the same age she was when she first saw Zuko and decided to dedicate her life to him.
Iroh stands up, and Hana takes this time to look at Zuko. his face is morphed into his permanent scowl, but his eyes are sad. she hates to see him so upset, that he tried to trust his family and believe that they wanted him back, just for him to nearly be arrested by his sister.
"I guess your wish won't come true, we're stuck with each other again," she says to him, her eyes boring into the side of his head.
if he can feel her eyes on him, he doesn't show it, he keeps his eyes on the water, "I didn't mean it"
Hana sits back and stretches out her legs, "then why say it? why do you keep trying to push me away?"
his mouth curls down into a frown as he sits back as well, "I wasn't thinking straight. I thought my father cared about me...turns out it was just a ploy to get me to become a prisoner"
"you didn't answer my second question; why do you constantly push me away after every good moment we have?"
"it's easier that way"
Hana huffs, "what is? if anything it makes things worse. like it or not we're stuck with each other, Zuko, and pretending to hate me won't change anything"
Zuko sighs, trying to control himself from spilling the truth, "I need some time"
Hana stands up, irritated with how he's shutting down once again, "time for what? is it so hard to believe that we can be civil with each other? that we can live in peace as runaways and try to sort our lives out together?"
in truth, Zuko is actually happy with how things are at the moment. he has Hana all to himself, plus his uncle, but there's no one else in the way of keeping Hana with him. but that's also what scares him. he has no choice but to see her every day, to have her with him every waking moment. it's going to be torture to stay away from her.
at his silence, but now softened expression, Hana kneels beside him, "tell me what's holding you back. we can work it out"
Zuko finally decided to look into her eyes. that one look at her, seeing the hurt and worry, compels him to let it all out.
"if I let myself trust you, I won't let you to leave. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you here. I'll fight anyone who tries to take you away"
Hana does her best to stay composed as her heart pulses out of her chest. how can he just spit that out and expect her to be okay? especially when she's already been feeling such weird and new feelings for him, this just makes it worse.
she nods slowly, trying to stay calm, "that's what I want. I don't want to leave you and I want you to trust me"
Zuko's baffled by her acceptance of him. does she forget who he is? what he's capable of? if she sees how he really is, all barriers down, will she still want to stay by his side?
"i'm not the perfect person you think I am"
she smiles and it takes the breath out of his lungs, "I don't want you to be perfect, I want you to be you"
in his mind, she's the perfect one. perfectly beautiful, perfectly powerful, perfectly good, and perfectly blind by admiration.
at this rate, she's going to be perfectly ruined by him. this heaven that she's in will be burnt to ash by the flames of his selfish desire for her.