The last two weeks were the worst of Gojo Satoru's life.
His wife and unborn child almost died before they could flourish, he could only communicate with her through one-sided letters, his father berated him at every turn, and Zen'in Toji told him quite alarming news. He missed you, ached for you and still felt so guilty for his responsibility in your decline. Selfishly, sleeping alone was something he was unused to.
He'd missed the way you reached out for him during the night, gentle hands on his arms and back and he knew he would never be able to get it back. Maybe never was an overstatement, as you were his lawful wife, but he was worried. When you were able to be out and about again, would you seek him out? Would you touch him the way you used to? Would you spew out little endearing confessions and tell him how he affected you?
Would you tell him you missed him?
Did you miss him?
He wasn't sure, but Satoru hoped so.
And yet, as if missing his wife wasn't the center of his whole world right now, he was forced to put the whole thing on hold. High-spirited pages for you to read were honestly on the back burner, for he had one pressing issue before him. As stated before, Zen'in Toji told him worrisome words.
"Pay? For that witch?" Master Gojo said in front of the surrounding council, Satoru blank by his side. "Gojo Satoru will pay, he said. What does this mean? Naobito himself will attack the estate?"
Gojo's right hand man Ryu spoke next to him, "I doubt such a thing would arise. His daughter is here, so I doubt he would risk injury to her."
"Unless she knows about such an attack."
Ryu and Master Gojo seemed to have an unspoken conversation between the two, and Satoru just had to roll his eyes at the nonsense. "My wife knows of nothing."
"How can you be sure? Her family was here days ago, were they not, son?" Gojo asked, breathless. "Zen'in Toji was fully capable of telling her."
"He told me himself she knows nothing. Stress was what caused her confinement in the first place," he explained with fingers tapping against his cheek. "Even he would not harm her."
"How can you be sure? Toji was your attempted assassin, my son."
"He did not tell her. He would not harm her." Satoru's tone screamed that it was truthful, but his father was unconvinced. Chin in the air and a hmph, the man instead turned to the men of his council.
"No matter the case, we need to be on high alert," he said, to which they all agreed. "At dawn, guards at all entrances and in front of the Lady's quarters. And Satoru."
"What?"
"If I find out that the Zen'in bitch knew of any attack or even gave insight, I will have her hanging on your front doorstep by the next morning."
"Oh, is that right?" he challenged.
"That's right."
"You need not question her allegiance," Satoru told him stoically, "and it would be best for you to not question me, as well. I know my wife, and she is devoted to me and the Gojo house wether we are in a spat or not."
"So you say," he accused, voice firm and angered. Satoru only rolled his eyes with a sharp exhale. "I will be in your guest chambers, son. Wake me should something occur."
All the men aside from Satoru rose in their places, bowing as the Gojo daimyo strolled out of the room...more like hobbled. Satoru knew his father was old, but he was also one hard-headed son of a bitch. He acted like he was twenty-five and still good with a sword. Even so, Satoru had a multitude of things to consider.
If his estate was attacked and--the gods forbid--you were harmed, he would be unable to do anything but grieve for months. He was too far in, too deep in relations to let go of you before it was his time to die. It had been about three months in your pregnancy, four months since the wedding, about to be the start of the new year and Satoru was entirely prepared to admit everything he's feeling if he were to die before he'd see you again. Wether he liked it or not, it was a man's job to die for his wife if the situation rose.
Satoru would do it.
He would die by Zen'in Naobito's sword, all while saying the three words he could barely believe himself. Three words he could not say out loud yet.
Was four months too quick to feel this way?
"I need to see him!" you argued with Jun for the millionth time. "You don't understand, Jun! I feel fine!"
"It's what the doctor said!" she shot back at you, but you were huffing and walking on toward the door, completely prepared to throw it open and walk to Satoru's chambers in the dead of night. She held your arm in an iron grip. "y/n, think about the baby!"
"I am!" you shouted, "the baby needs both of us! Needs its father!"
Two and a half weeks of solitude in your chambers were driving you crazy. This was a nightly argument for the past few days. No longer could you sit and have thoughts of your husband drive you insane. Not being able to even see him was making you miserable. It was making you stressed. Nobody was with you besides Jun. Your husband was gone, Utahime and Shoko were gone, your cousins (even if Megumi had spent his birthday with you) and everyone else had other duties to tend to.
"y/n, it really is best not to."
"Jun, I love you, but I cannot be without him any longer. I cannot."
"He is going to be waiting for you when you're ready," she pleaded, "you do not need him near you right now."
"I absolutely do need him, Jun. And I am ready."
"y/n--"
"What am I supposed to do, Jun?!" you shouted, ripping your arm away from her, "stay in here for another two weeks? A month? It's ridiculous and I need to get out of this room! At least you can leave when you want!"
"I understand that," she said slowly, ignoring the way your eyes flared from anger, "I too am empty without seeing the man of my desires. But it is a necessary evil."
You stared at her for a long, long moment in shock. Mouth slightly ajar and eyes fiery, you were at a loss for words. That's what this was about? Naoya? Seriously?
"You dare compare my piece of shit brother to my husband?"
"It is the same."
What the hell was she talking about?
"The man of your desires happens to be the worst person alive," you said, much to her offense. "He has hurt me and deceived me in ways I will never forgive. How can you love him so? He is vile and unkind and he cares for no one but himself! He doesn't love you, Jun! He can't love anyone!" You were properly screaming at her now, and you were sure the labyrinth of an estate could hear you through the walls by now. Jun's eyes were wide, her breath short with shaking hands. "He doesn't even love me!"
"You're only saying that because you are distressed, mistress." It was all she could say without yelling back at you.
"I'm saying it's because it's true," you told her, "you think you actually had a chance? You can't win against my father, Jun."
"Naoya-sama doesn't want to marry her."
"He doesn't want to marry you, either."
"And you know that how?"
"Because I know my brother. You don't," you said, finger pointed in her face. "If by some grace of the gods that you married that man, you would be in a one-sided love for the entirety of your marriage. You'd deal with his womanizing ways and uptight personality because he's spoiled. He's been fed by a silver spoon and told he's the greatest thing to bless that house and Zen'in Naoya would probably beat you like the Master once did."
"That is untrue!" she said, temper rising, "he is nothing like you say!"
"He is what my husband could have been if Master Gojo hadn't treated him like a regular person."
"Oh, let me guess, you love him now? I wonder why! He's so perfect and beautiful and I don't know, is nice to you?" she gasped, "he's a man. No matter how kind he is, you will always come second to his duties!"
"Not that it's any of your fucking business, but that's not at all what's happening here!"
"Oh, is that right?" she asked, analyzing and almost snake-like. "Gojo Satoru is more than that? He loves you?" she laughed, "really, y/n? And you love the guy too? Unbelievable."
Yes.
Go on, say it, y/n.
"It's not about that!" you said with frustration, "Satoru is nothing like Naoya, so don't you dare compare them!"
"Fine, go see your perfect fucking husband," she spat, pushing you by the shoulder and slammed the door open. "As if you don't have everything you need, y/n! You have a doting husband and what do I have?! Nothing!"
"How could you even want him?"
"It isn't about want! It's about living the rest of my life well off!"
"What?!"
"People like me will never be as blessed as you are. Surely you know that!"
"Really?" you scoffed, following after her with thoughts of your own. Oh yes, this was the worst fight you'd had with her in the twenty years she's known you. You weren't sure if you could com back from this, and part of you was too mad to care. "You think I wanted to do any of this? You think I have any choice in anything that I do?"
"Yeah, you're the Lady of the house!"
"So what?!" you shouted as she sped down the hallway. "You marry Naoya, and you'll be just as miserable as you are now!"
"But I'll be comfortable for the rest of my life!"
"You could have anyone except for him!" you screamed.
That part was true. She had gotten proposals. She instead set her eyes on Naoya. It sickened you.
Jun was out of sight before you could say anything else, but you stood there for a moment and stared down into the darkness. Did you really just argue like this? Over a man? Hand over your mouth, you felt everything settle.
Guilt seeped into your soul, as quickly as you finished the words. Your first friend, really your only friend, resented you over an argument of men. Sickening. You stared into the hallway in front of you which was far too dark to see anything.
Am I in the wrong? Or was that a conversation that needed to be had?
Fights with Jun were rare, but being so hostile was unheard of.
"My love?" quiet words startled you, "what happened?"
Your head whipped around with a gasp, and you were blindly running in the darkness after registering who's voice that was. Satoru's bright eyes were a blur in the shadows of the night, but you knew them all the same. Bare feet slapped against tile and your hands were reaching out. Once you caught hold of the thin yukata, you were a mess of tears and heaviness.
"Satoru!" you gasped out, "you're here!"
Strong arms wrapped around your waist in an instant, and you were immediately overtaken. Senses overloaded with Satoru, Satoru, Satoru. You smiled with happy tears. Tears of need and relief.
"I heard it all from the other side of the estate," he mumbled into your hair, "are you alright?"
"'M okay now." you said, arms pulling him as close as he could get. Satoru sighed out another pair of words, but your thoughts were far too loud in your own mind. I missed you, I missed you, I miss you!
You weren't sure how long you stood in the hallway fretting over him, but what you did know was that you never wanted to be apart from him ever again. Your hands were shaky when you realized that he wasn't just part of your dreams, how you wished to see him again so eagerly that you convinced yourself he walked into your room in your subconscious. He was real.
Satoru was here, he was real, hugging you in the darkness even if his tall stature strained him to do so. You missed him, you loved that he was here.
"You really should not see me, my Lady," he teased lowly, "it is against everyone's wishes."
"I don't care."
"Oooh, defiant!" Satoru remarked, "I quite like this side of you."
"Silence." you chuckled.
"How is our baby?"
"She feels great," you mumbled, "now that you are here."
He smiled even though you could not see it, and you could not bring yourself to depart from his hold should your life depend on it. Satoru grasped your jaw and kissed you then, the first one in what seemed like months. It was slow and deep and full of that twisted, unspoken emotion that neither of you could admit. Shallow breaths broke his kisses and until you felt his lips on yours again, you were stuck searching for any light apart from his eyes.
Getas clacked down the hallway.
With dissatisfaction, your head turned away from your husband to see a figure running down the hallway with a lantern in hand. It was Miwa, you could see that much. Her quick breaths while she ran were clearly the result of both fatigue and panic, and she had skipped all formalities by the time she had reached you.
"Miwa?"
"My Lord and Lady--" she said, and in the dim light you could see her frazzled eyes. More women ran down the hallway. "Master Gojo has told me to--"
"What is going on?" Satoru spoke from behind you. "Never mind that old crone, what is happening?"
"Zen'in supporters! Upon the estate!"