"And next up we have a new act, her first time on the strip. Please give a round of applause for the beautiful, Blair" my new boss Shawn speaks enthusiastically through the intercom, his voice echoing loudly and overpowering the heavy bass of the music.
I grip onto my silk robe tightly, swallowing back a thick lump that forms in the center of my throat. I'm shaking almost uncontrollably and I'm finding it hard to keep steady in the five inch pleasers that adore my sore feet. I haven't the slightest idea how to even work a pole, aside from the few YouTube tutorials I watched and was able to practice when I came into the club early enough. I'm still nowhere near as good as the girls who have years of experience under their belt, ive watched them all intently as they would do their amazing tricks. Hanging upside on the pole with only their crossed legs holding them up. I could never be as good as them. No matter how much I practiced or tried, but the goal isn't to be the best. It's to get myself by and save up for something more.
I let out a deep breath, in through my nose and out through my mouth. Trying to control my anxiety enough to make it through my five minute long set.
The crowd roars with excitement as I step onto the brightly lit stage. All eyes burning onto me as the spotlight illuminates and the stage lights dim. Tainted love begins to blast through the speakers as I bring my shaky hands up to grasp at my robe, and drop it.
Earning a chorus of hoops and hollers from the herd of rowdy men.
I manage to get through my set as good as can be expected, not making too many mistakes and even earning a sizable amount of tips. Which will all go towards paying my ridiculously priced first months rent.
Putting my robe back on to cover myself before scurrying to the back lounge, I'm beyond ready to get these hell traps off my feet.
I find my station rather quickly, it's the only nearly empty one. Nestled between a ravened hair beauty to my left, and a girl with fire engine red hair to my right. I sit awkwardly between the two, not saying a word as I unlace the strappy heels and throw them off.
I only have about an hour left of my shift, which I know will all go by painfully slow. Shawn wants me to wait a few tables in the mean time, get to know the clientele.
"You did a really good job tonight. Especially for a first timer" the red haired girl speaks after a moment, causing my eyes to be brought over to her face.
She put down the nude lipstick she was painting her lips with in order to give me her full attention.
I'm taken aback for a moment at her comment, it's only my second night working here but in those two shifts I haven't been spoken to by anyone aside from the club owner, Shawn.
I give her a wide smile, cheeks warming up from her kindness.
"Thank you! I really appreciate it. I thought I was going to throw up and pass out in it"
My comment invokes a hearty chuckle from her, she snorts innocently at the end.
She pushes her long bright red hair out of her face with her slim tattooed finger. Small delicates lines inked onto the skin. Her bright green forest eyes shimmer with kindness, full lips showcasing her perfect set of teeth.
She's slim, with legs that go on for miles and a full chest. She appears to be around 24 years old, maybe younger. I'm not good at determining one's age. But she's got a warmth about her that pulls me in, and I can not seem to take my eyes off her. I watch as her pouty mouth opens for her to speak, forming the words that fall from her mouth beautifully.
"I'm Melinda, but you can call me Mellie" she informs, bringing one of her slender hands out to take my own in a shake.
"I'm Blair" our fingers locking, cool smooth skin sending a shiver down my spine.
"Wanna join me for a cigarette?"
—
The next few days go by without a hitch and with little too no action. Noah and i forming a routine of sorts, spending most days hanging out around the condo. We don't do much of anything besides getting take out and watching an ungodly amount of horror movies.
We also didn't speak on our bathroom make out session , instead we carried on like it didn't happen. Like everything was normal. Not in that awkward way like the time after Orie's party. But I think we have both grown a lot since our first kiss, at least I know I have. I know now that sometimes physical intimacy can be meaningless.
And that is okay.
Today proved to be a little different than days pervious. Noah won't be coming by until later this evening for whatever reason and I am left to face the awkwardness that I have created with Mel. My stubbornness proves to be bulletproof and I haven't so much as said a word to her since since the day Noah ambushed my date with Connor. My pride being far too big to try to get back to where we were, but I did miss her. I missed the simplicity of not having to try to be anyone besides myself, the ease of having someone who makes my worries melt away.
Currently we are both sitting as far away as possible from each-other at the island, scarfing down mouthfuls of cereal because neither one of us have the energy to cook in the mornings. I can hear as she quickly chomps away at her frosted clusters.
I would always make fun of her for her juvenile choice in breakfast options. Who can really stomach sugar coated cornflakes first thing in the morning aside from a child? No grown adult I had ever encountered in my life. But she didn't care that I thought it was weird, she never cared about anyone's judgment. Her careless way of thinking and free spirited attitude rubbed off on me after a while. I stopped being so timid, so scared of the world and what others thought. I eventually ended up finding myself also enjoying an overfilled bowl of Frosted Flakes.
Cranking my head slowly to the left I catch her in my eye, her attention fixed to a video playing on her phone screen.
I swallow harshly, it burns as I force the nervous lump down.
"Mel.." I begin, causing her to turn her head towards me with wide eyes.
It's an internal battle as I find the strength to continue with my statement. Stubbornness wanting to take over and shut me down. But I bite back the feelings, knowing I need to fix the situation between us.
"I'm sorry for how I reacted"
She doesn't speak as she takes the time to process my words, eyes pulled so wide I swear they could fall out of her head with the slightest movement. They glimmer with emotion, the thin layer of moisture twinkling under our dim ceiling light.
After a moment she cracks a smile, ends of her mouth pulling up and broadcasting her pearly teeth.
"It's okay. I'm used to you being a bitch" she jokes, causing me to flick my eyes playfully at her. "I'm sorry too, Blair. I didn't realize the revocations of what I did"
"I know your heart was in a good place. I was just scared at the idea of having to start over"
"I never saw it that way before" she admits and I smile at her.
I can't blame her for being oblivious to my problems, I know she hasn't the slightest clue as to what has happened to make me this way. I wish I could fill her in on my life before this one, what had happened and caused me to function so differently. But I can't. Who knows what she will think of me if she ever found out the truth.
"I think I was just PMSing" I offer up a silly lie to cover my antics.
"PMS isn't real. It was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem like we're crazy" she quotes her favorite film, which causes me to laugh. She's definitely the Jennifer to my Needy, in a much less homo-erratic murderous demon way.
"Maybe I'm just plain crazy then"
"We are all entitled to mime taking of impaired judgment " she soothes, standing up to throw her used bowl into the sink.
"I guess you're right. But you don't deserve to be on the receiving end" I mimic her actions before grabbing my pack of cigarettes and singling to Mel to follow me outside.
It's a cool morning, the sun beams brightly between a break in the thick clouds that coat the sky. A low breeze can be heard over the morning birds that still chirp slightly in the distance. The street beneath us has only just started to fill with cars on their way to start their day, sidewalks empty.
"I didn't take it personally. I was being insensitive and not thinking about how things would affect you" she takes a menthol stick from my pack as she replies, lighting it up once it hangs from her lips.
"You were only looking out for me" I say, lighting up my own and taking a long deep drag.
"Yeah I know. I could of handled it differently though. I didn't have to walk into his office and go full vigilante on him"
"What did you do to get him so hot anyway?" I inquire, sitting down cross cross on the old wooden structure of our balcony.
"Before or after I smacked the taste out of his mouth?" She mutters lowly, her words almost getting lost by the thick smog that falls from her lips. But I hear her clearly, clear enough that I nearly choke on my own. Eyes peeled wide open as I stare at her, stunned.
"You slapped him?" I'm flabbergasted as I nearly shriek in over exasperation.
She just chuckles and shakes her head yes.
My best friend is a bad ass
My chest warms with joy and contentment, happy for the first time in days. I never realized how big of a hole was left in my life from icing her out lately, but like the first time I met her she warmed me back up and filled me with peace. I could cry from the happiness that palpitates through me heavily, but instead I quickly throw my arms around her and pull her into a tight hug. I can tell by her stiffness that I catch her by surprise, but she relaxes after a moment and hugs me back. Tightly.
We carry on with our day without speaking about the matter again, cracking jokes and getting some cleaning done around the condo. We have accumulated quite the clutter lately since Noah spends almost all his free time over. I'm not sure when he's planning on going back on the road, or how his three counterparts feel about his sudden cancelation. I wonder if they know he found me? It's hard to even imagine what they think. What Folio thinks. He was my closest friend in a crazy world I blindly followed Noah into. He took me under his wing without hesitation, and no questions asked. And I just betrayed him.
Maybe I'll be able to make it up to him someday.
Mel is pulling an oven pizza out from the hot blaze when theres a stern knock on the door. I know it's Noah, I can tell by the way his heavy fists smacks against my old oak door in a familiar tempo. As much as I hate to admit it, and something I'd never say out loud, but my heart picks up its pace at the thought of him being on the opposite end. Mouth pulled into a happy smile, and arms wide open to hug me. It was a sweet habit he had developed over the last few days. Greeting me with a tight squeeze and peck on the top of my head. I tried to fight it the first few times, but my efforts are renders useless when he never stopped.
I got used to it, and learned to love the small sentiment. It quickly became my favorite part of the day.
Quickly I stand to my feet and all but run to the door, swinging it open as fast as I can get the locks turned. Revealing his beaming face as soon as the door peels open.
Like clockwork he pulls me in for a tight embrace, and this time I wrap my arms around him and hug back.
"Hey, pretty girl! How's your day been? " he asks after planting a small kiss on my head.
I lead us in, dropping his limbs from around me and guiding us to the kitchen. He sets down a handful of grocery bags onto the island.
"It's been fine, Mel and I cleaned up a little" i keep my reply short as I watch him unpack the plastic bags.
He stops in his tracks at my words, eyebrow raised in question as he hears me talk. I can tell he wasn't expecting to hear me say I did anything with Mel. His reaction causing the two of us to smile widely and let out a small chuckle.
"Without killing each other?" He delivers his joke with a small laugh of his own and pulling a large bottle of wine out of the last bag.
Opening my mouth to reply, but Mel beats me to it.
"Don't let her lie to you, she tried to shove me off the baloney like twice" she jokes
"It was only once" I play into her.
Our antics cause Noah to laugh deeper, and I can't help but follow along with him. Not because anything is particularly humorous, but just because it felt good to finally feel... normal. If you could even call whatever is going on normal. Whatever it was it felt right and I haven't felt right in so long. Far longer than Noah came back into the picture, far longer than I can remember.
I first thought that my two worlds colliding would be a bad thing, but maybe I was wrong. As I watch my oldest and newest friend joke around while slicing pieces of pizza and filling up glasses of wine far past maximum capacity. It's like my own piece of heaven, my new safe place. Maybe Noah being back in my life isn't such a bad thing, maybe we can be friends again. Without crossing those already very blurred lines into territory that no longer needs to be explored. Maybe I can finally have my fairytale ending after all.
My phone vibrates from across the island, the harsh movement echoing throughout the room. Reaching across the surface I grab my phone with my right hand. Flipping it upward to see the notification that illuminates my screen.
One message unread
From: Robyn Tillman
Hey, Veronica. I know this may come as a surprise, and out of the blue but I have been wanting to get in touch with you for a while now. I have a lot of explaining to do and would love to see you sometime.
I'm your mom
Maybe I am just not meant to have a happy ending.
—
HELLO MY BEAUTIES. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE CHAPTER!
HOW ARE WE FEELING!? HOW DO WE FEEL ABOUT ROBYN??
I MEANT TO UPDATE SOONER BUT I AM ON A 14 DAY WORK STRETCH BECAUSE I LEAVE NEXT WEEK FOR A FESTIVAL! WITH THAT BEING SAID I WILL ATTEMPT TO HAVE ENOUGH DONE TO RELEASE ONE MAYBE TWO MORE CHAPTERS BEFORE I HEAD OUT TUESDAY. I CANT PROMISE ANYTHING ONLY BECAUSE I WILL BE BUSY WORKING AND GETTING ALL MY CAMPING STUFF TOGETHER AND I HAVENT THE SLIGHTEST CLUE IF I WILL HAVE ANY SERVICE ONCE I GET TO THE FESTIVAL. BUT I WILL TRY TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE MLRE CHAPTER FOR YOU GUYS!
-XXJ