Walking out of my morning exam of the day, I felt lighter than I had been in weeks. Though midterms were right around the corner, and my parents were still at their hotel waiting for my call, the world didn't feel as heavy as it did twenty-four hours ago.
"You're awfully smiley," Amit said as we walked across the quad, tugging the collar of his jacket higher on his chin. "Exams go well, aye?"
"I think so," I said. God, I missed the California sunshine. "We're still on for the study sprints this week, right? You know I can't take this O-Chem midterm without you."
Amit rolled his eyes. "Yes, Aria. You can." Confidence, confidence, confidence. That's what he always said. That was what I lacked. But how could a person become confident when they didn't get the answer right on the first try? How could I get the answer right on the first try when I lacked confidence in myself?
It was a vicious feedback loop.
But one that I could study out of—according to my parents and the multitude of self-help study videos I binged on YouTube all summer. In my defense, I felt much better than I had at the start of the semester. The awful grade on my first exam weighed heavily on my grade, but an A on the last four quizzes, my lab reports, and the graded homework brought my average up to the threshold of what I wanted. I was balancing on a parapet in the middle of a storm, the next semester looming behind the fog, and beyond it, my duty.
As we entered a coffee shop on Main Street, the thought cleaved through my good mood, and I returned to Earth on wobbly legs and a fresh wave of anxiety. God, it was only midterms. The semester stretched out in front of me like a race track that ended on a cliff. Next semester, I would do it all again, except with it came the obligation of more research projects, more volunteering, and more and more pressure to make it to the top. I never wanted anything the way I wanted this. But at the same time, I couldn't stand the thought of the MCAT, medical school applications, or interviews; couldn't ease my mind into the idea that I was still at the beginning stages of a decade-long journey.
I just wanted to nap and read my books.
Amit's hand on my back was a welcomed anchor. "You're spiraling," he said. "I can see it on your face."
Exhaling, I pushed my shoulders back and attempted my best pageant-winning grin. There was always time to wallow in the anxieties of the future. I needed to savor every good feeling I could get.
Just like all the good feelings Leo gave you last night...
My cheeks flamed. Damn, that pesky voice in the back of my head.
"Nope! Not today!" I sang.
Just because I wasn't a natural like Amit, didn't mean I couldn't try and try and try until I was better than some natural inclination.
A cacophony of obnoxious laughter caught our attention. A group of well-dressed freshmen boys hunched in a circle near the espresso bar, their heads ducked low as they stared at something in the center of the group. A phone, by the blue light shining on their mirthful faces. Amit and I slid into the ordering line adjacent to them, our conversation quickly turning into a bitchfest about how we both missed points on our art history assignment because of formatting—who uses the Chicago style of paper formatting, anyway?—when a chorus of voices filled the cafe.
"From the shining waters of the Atlantic! To the rustic forests of Maine! From the red stones of Oracle, we hail our Alma Mater's name!" The freshmen boys sang boisterously, their hands on their hearts. The coffee shop froze.
"Oh, give me a break," Amit murmured with a roll of his eyes. "These Pledges are everywhere. I thought hazing was banned."
It was. After the unfortunate death of a DTE pledge back in the early 2000s from alcohol poisoning, the university cracked down on pledging among the Greeks harder than any other school in the country.
I grimaced. "I'm sure they've thought those loopholes through. I guess making people sing is better than forcing them to chug vodka."
"It's still dumb."
"I agree." My phone lit up with a new message. My heart skipped a beat—and then squeezed with disappointment when it wasn't Leo's name on the screen. I wasn't one to start freaking out over the fact that a hookup didn't text me the next morning. But... Leo wasn't just a hookup. At least, not to me. That disappointment morphed into worry and I chewed on my bottom lip.
Focus, Aria.
The text was from Dani. She wanted to talk to me over lunch this afternoon. The freshman pledges concluded the OU Alma Mater with a perfectly harmonized grand finale and bowed with goofy grins when their audience clapped. Pumping their fists in the air, they exited the cafe, and chatter returned to normal.
"Dani wants to meet for lunch," I said to Amit. Another text popped onto the screen. "She wants to meet for lunch right now. Impromptu roomie meeting, I guess." A pause. "Are you going to the Indian Student Association Meeting tonight? I think we're supposed to vote on the Diwali celebration this year."
"I have a group project meeting, but I think we can send our votes to Asha Rao. Just text her."
"Great!" I squeezed him in a grateful side hug. "I'll see you at the library!"
♡ ♡ ♡
Racing across the quad, I was breathless when I found Dani tucked in a booth at Athena Hall. The afternoon sunlight cast a beautiful glow over her rich bronze skin, her amber eyes sparkling with expertly applied eye makeup, her cheeks flushed to match her plumb-colored lips, and I paused to marvel at my best friend's beauty.
"You're looking nice today," I said, sliding into the seat on the opposite end of the booth. "Not that you're not gorgeous already!"
Dani's halo of dark curls bounced when she snapped out of her thoughts. "Oh!" She covered her mouth and giggled. "Sorry. I've been in la la land all morning."
"Special occasion?"
"Oh, this?" She motioned to her navy suit. "I had an interview for an internship with Microsoft this morning. I definitely have it in the bag."
I grinned. "They'd be stupid not to have you. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?" We made it a habit of talking everything out when needed, from assignments to love interests to what we wanted for dinner.
"So," she began. "You know I'm not one to get into anyone's business, but I... Are you and Leo, like, a thing?"
Embarrassment flooded through me. "Oh, shit. Did you hear us last night? I'm so sorry—"
"Last night?" Her eyebrows shot to the crown of her forehead and she smirked. "Okay, Aria."
"Dani."
"Okay, okay. Anyway, I heard from my Big that you two were acting pretty cute at the fair Uptown. The thing is that she thinks he's talking to Jules again." Ice shivered down my spine. "I care about both of you and I don't want you getting hurt, Aria."
My brows furrowed and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, her words working through my comprehension like molasses. "What? Are you sure?"
"I'm not sure," she admitted. "But Leo's had a reputation, Aria. As much as he's a nice guy... I just want to make sure you're not hurt. You saw the way they were at the start of the semester." No, I didn't. I wasn't a part of that world—of Greek life and their secrets and drama. I only ever lived adjacent to it.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I shook my head. "It's fine." The lump intensified into pins and needles. "It's not like we're a couple."
I looked at my phone hoping to see his name pop onto the screen, confirming that it was nothing, and that our night last night wasn't just another notch on his bedpost. Instead of a text message, a notification slid across the wallpaper of my childhood poodle, Lola, informing me that my exam from this morning was graded.
The empathy wafting from Dani stung my skin like salt in a wound. "This could all be a huge misunderstanding! But I just thought..."
"That I should know." The corners of my vision blurred and I blinked furiously, refusing to let this get to me. Dani told me as a warning; as a reminder to guard my heart from someone who collected broken hearts in OU. The words came out of his mouth, right? That being hopeless only meant pain? I was painfully aware that I was being dramatic, and that this could just be a whole lot of nothing, but that logic did nothing to ease the sinking feeling in my chest. "Thank you, Dani."
As I moved to stand, Dani sighed.
"I texted Jules but she hasn't responded," she said with an inkling of hope.
"Thanks for telling me, Dani. I, uh, gotta go. I'll see you at home."
"Aria—"
Ignoring her, I continued toward the door, shoving her words deep into the back of my mind. Of course, my traitorous brain only repeated them, over and over, and an image of Leo climbing into Jules' window, of his mouth on all of her, making her moan, flashed in my mind, making that sick twist in my stomach worse.
It wasn't until I completely rounded the corner did I look up. And it wasn't until my body collided with the warmth of whatever was coming toward me did I realize that it was a person. A man.
"Aria," Leo said, a smile in his voice.
I looked up at him, stunned. Ah, yes, the Universe and its jokes. "Leo!"
His brows twisted with worry. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine!" I said quickly. "I'm just late for—uh—meeting—something—"
His eyes narrowed. "Aria—"
"Bye!" I shouted, and then like an absolute coward, I raced out the door, my heart pounding. Not broken. But wounded.
I promised Leo a story of whirlwind love that would change his mind about romance and love. But outside of Athena Hall, the icy wind whipping through my hair, I wondered if I could.
I wondered if this had all been a part of his plan to prove me wrong.
I wondered if he won.
♡ ♡ ♡