Chapter Eight - Lilies
I wake up feeling like there's a weight on my heart that's heavier than usual. Releasing a deep sigh, I turn to lie on my back and stare at the ceiling as I allow a tear to escape the corner of my eye. My bottom lip quivers as a wedge of emotion blocks my throat and makes it harder to breathe. I wish I didn't wake up and slept the entire day away instead.
Today is the day I lost my mom. The day I should've died instead of her.
My phone buzzing distracts me and I pat around blindly to find it, accepting the call when I pull it out from under the covers. "Hey Abel. What's up?"
"The ceiling in my case." He replies causing a smile to quirk my lips.
"You're so funny." I roll my eyes as I sit up a little.
"I'm glad you've realized who the comedian of our family is." He retorts sarcastically before sighing. "How are you doing?"
"The usual...but I'm okay. Honest." I blink back the tears even though he can't see me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just wish we weren't so far away you know. Going to see her would really help." He mutters and my heart goes out to him. "Or that we were at least together going for our usual drive."
"I know but we'll be okay."
"Have you and dad talked?" He asks eliciting a scoff out of me.
"You know we don't speak much let alone on today of all days."
"It wasn't your fault Faye." He murmurs gently and it makes me want to cry all over again. "How many times do I need to say it for you to believe it?"
"I'd believe it more if it came from dad." He remains silent for a moment before sighing softly and I change the subject. "Listen, I was thinking about that partnership between me and the Ohlsens and I...I'm going to reject it."
Soon after mom had passed away my dad approached me about an offer from Ohlsen Pharmaceuticals who want to partner with West Medical which is our company. Oliver Ohlsen, the current CEO, has a son my age called Ryan and the agreement was to have us married after college to strengthen and grow the businesses. I had been asked to consider it and I said I would, purely because I was hurting and thought that perhaps throwing all my effort into making mom's company bigger and better would do...something.
Ryan attends MIT too but we couldn't care less about each other as this is a business transaction after all, nothing more. The second first semester hit and he wasn't under his parent's roof anymore he started spending more time in between women's legs instead of classes. Rumors tend to spread like wildfire and he's becoming more and more shameless to the point where I have mountains of evidence.
Dad's been pressuring me day in day out and I've had a hard time considering the partnership with Ryan's antics, wondering if I should or shouldn't agree. The most logical part of me knows I shouldn't go through with it but I can't deny that I'm terrified about disappointing my father...yet again. Is this what it's really going to come down to though? I ask myself. Sacrificing my own happiness to please yet another person who doesn't give a damn about me?
Now Noah's in the mix and I like how he makes me feel. How he makes me nervous and my heart race, how he consumes my thoughts and I want to spend all my time with him. Even if there's no chance with him he's opened my eyes to how it should feel to like someone. Happiness, excitement, and giddy anticipation. That's what it should be like yet all I'd be signing up to is an unfaithful man and...money?
Mom didn't start West Medical for money. She wanted to help people.
"Whatever you decide I'm with you." Abel snaps me out of my thoughts. "It's your life Faye, nobody else's. You call the shots."
"Yeah, I was initially just considering it for mom but now...I don't think she'd like this at all. I don't think she would ever support it." My voice trails off into a whisper towards the end as I trace patterns absently on my blanket.
"Facetime me later when you can okay? And either I'll try to come over soon for a weekend or you come down to New York. I haven't seen you in a while."
"I will. Love you Abe."
"Ew."
"Oh, fuck off!" I laugh as I wipe away a stray tear.
"You know I'm kidding. I love you too Fifi. Stay safe."
"You too. Bye." I whisper before he hangs up.
After contemplating on skipping my classes today I steel my nerves and get out of bed. The house is silent indicating that Noah's already left for college. After some time of living together we now have a good idea of each other's schedules. I get dressed quickly before grabbing a breakfast bar and leaving my dorm, almost tripping on the stairs on the way out of the building.
My first two classes are lectures followed by a lab. I look around to try and spot Lilah since we share this lab before texting her when she doesn't show and a guy sits next to me instead. I deflate a little when she replies telling me that she's ill and make a mental note to drop by her dorm later. My mood sours even further when my lecturer tells us that we'll be doing group work today with the person we're sitting beside. Damn you Lilah!
I turn and send the brunette and blue-eyed boy sitting beside me a small smile. "Hi, I'm Faye."
"Nice to meet you Faye. I'm Brody." He grins as we get up to grab the equipment. "I've never seen you in my classes before. Are you studying Biology then?"
"Yeah that's right." I nod before grabbing the papers from our lecturer, who is staring at me with narrowed eyes by the way, with a tight smile.
"Not a fan of Mister Maynard either huh?" Brody whispers once we're back at our bench.
"He genuinely hates me for no reason."
"That can't be true!" He snickers quietly.
"Speak of the devil. Watch." I mutter lowly when Maynard comes over and scolds me for doing a step wrong.
"Wow!" He exclaims albeit softly once Maynard has left. "What ever did you do to him?"
"Nothing! At least nothing I can think of." I shake my head with a defeated sigh. "Anyways are you from Massachusetts?"
He shakes his head before telling me that he grew up in Denmark before his mom moved them to the US because of her job. As we work we chat away and find that we have a lot of things in common. His dad is in the medical industry too and owns his own company whereas his mom is an architect. We like the same music and have the same hobbies so he's easy to talk to. I mostly ask him about his time in Denmark since I've never been there.
Eventually we finish our lab and I follow him out of the room. He turns to me, a little nervous, just as we've broken free from the crowd of students. "Do you want to go get some coffee and finish this lab report?"
"Sure." I smile and stifle a chuckle when he lights up in excitement.
He's cute but doesn't hold a candle to a certain housemate of mine. My smile falters and I mentally groan when my mind is flooded yet again with moments and images of Noah. I force myself to snap out of it because while I can't deny that a spark is there I know Noah is going to want to be in a different dorm next semester and all we'll ever be is friends.
So, I focus back on Brody as he insists on buying me coffee before we settle down to work on our lab reports.
***
I pick a bouquet of beautiful white lilies, my mom's favorite, and bring them to the counter with a small smile. She's buried back in California so I can't visit her but I make it a point to buy her favorite flowers every year. Dad uprooted us and brought us to Florida because the feeling of living in a house devoid of her presence was too painful. California is also where they met and fell in love so I understand why he couldn't bear it anymore.
"Thank you. Have a nice day!" I smile as I grab the flowers and walk out of the shop.
With a tired sigh I make my way to the library and into the meeting room I had booked, telling myself that I'll be free for the day after this. I'm surprised to find Stefan there early and rush inside with a greeting. We're in a group project with three other people but he's been ignoring all messages until I finally caught him on campus and scheduled a meeting.
"Let's make this quick because I've got somewhere to be." He grunts as he pushes his laptop closer to me.
I frown at him before reading over his work and the more I get through it the feeling of dread increases. "Stefan...this isn't related to the topic."
"Yes it is." He scoffs as he bounces his leg impatiently.
"Your part is to discuss the principles of experimental design and data analysis." I explain and feel panicked because our assignment is due tomorrow. "What you're talking about here is different concepts and how they're applied in the biotechnology industry. Can you fix this by tomorrow morning please with enough time for us all to review?"
"Faye, that's going to take me ages. I've got plans tonight!" He exclaims frustratedly as he runs a hand through his hair. "Can we not just change my part around like add it towards the end?"
"I'm sorry but it's unrelated to our question. It's an easy part to do though and won't take long at all." I try and reassure him but he seems to get angrier.
"You can't be serious? Did you not hear me say that I've got no time for this?" He sneers and I glare at him. "You can do it for me then if you won't let me add it."
"The rest of us have all done our part, met up and worked on this together. You've ignored all our messages and have never attended group meetings. It's unfair and you need to pull your own weight." I fix him with a firm look to which he just narrows his eyes at.
"I was busy." He shrugs and I feel like screaming at him. As if the rest of us have all the time in the world!
"Look this counts for thirty percent of our grade. We need to get it right." I reply before pulling out my own laptop. "I'm free right now so I can help you –"
"Fuck no! I'm not doing it." He swipes his arm across the table and in doing so, pushes the flowers and my notebook to the ground.
"Stefan!"
"It's just an assignment little miss perfect! Get a life and maybe you'll have fun in college!" He retorts rudely as he stomps over my things on the way out.
I bite my lip hard and pick up the bouquet as pressure builds behind my eyes. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry! I repeat to myself mentally. Inhaling deeply, I quickly grab my things and leave the library, keeping my head down as I walk back to the dorm. I sag against a corner of the lift in my building as it takes me up to my floor feeling blue all over again. The door to my dorm is unlocked and I find myself wishing Noah was out so that I could wallow in misery alone.
"Hi."
"Hey." He tilts his head questionably and points to the crushed flowers. "What happened sweetheart?"
Maybe it's the soft concern in his voice or how his lips tug into a sad frown or the fact that he used an endearment but that's all it takes for everything to bubble up, tip over and explode into an ugly mess of heartbroken sobs. The lilies fall to the ground amidst me trying to explain but my words come out as choked and incoherent.
"Hush." He murmurs as he gathers me into his strong arms and carries me to the couch where I'm placed on his lap. "Whatever it is it's going to be okay Faye."
"I d-don't know why I...I'm crying! My day wasn't e-even that b-bad." I stammer embarrassingly as I wipe my cheeks.
"What happened? Tell me what's got you so upset." He asks gently before pressing his lips to my cheek in a lingering kiss.
"You know the group project I was telling you about?" I continue when he nods as confirmation. "He didn't do his work properly as in it didn't relate to the topic so I just told him that it needs to be fixed before tomorrow morning. That made him angry and he pushed my things to the floor and stepped all over them."
"Did he say anything?"
"No." I shake my head before sobbing out a yes when Noah shoots me a pointed look. "H-He called me little miss perfect and that I-I should get a life. That m-maybe then I'll have fun in college."
His body immediately stiffens and I glance at him to see his eyes narrowed angrily. "What's his name?"
"Doesn't matt –"
"Yes, it fucking does. What's his name Faye?" He utters darkly and I would've winced if I didn't know that he isn't angry with me.
"Stefan Anders." I mumble as he wipes my tears away. "Please don't do anything though. He was just angry."
"That doesn't give him or anyone an excuse to act like a dickhead." He states firmly and makes me meet his gaze by cupping my cheek. "You did nothing wrong Faye. You didn't deserve that."
He places me on the couch beside him before standing and mumbling about getting me some water. I take small sips while forcing myself to calm down because boy am I an ugly crier. Mortification seeps through me when I realize that Noah saw me in such a state. I smile at him which probably comes out as more of a grimace.
"Thank you."
"No problem." He murmurs gently as he takes the empty glass. "Did he try at all or he has to redo the whole thing?"
"Redo. It didn't make sense and he barely did any work. We would've failed if we submitted his part or I'd have to correct it for him...like he suggested."
"The fucking nerve of this guy!" Noah exclaims before clenching his jaw. "That's not you being a perfectionist Faye. Anyone, even me, would've lost our minds over some idiot not pulling their weight. We've all been through enough group projects to know that people like that exist."
"I know." I nod before sighing albeit shakily from all the crying. "He has until tomorrow morning but I know he won't redo it. So, I'm going to leave his name off the assignment and let the lecturer know he didn't contribute anything."
"Good. Fucking prick deserves it." Noah grunts before caressing the trampled flower petals. "I'll get you more lilies."
"It doesn't matter." I shrug half-heartedly. "The day's over anyways."
"What do you mean? It's not like flowers wilt in a day."
I still and meet his curious gaze. "Uh...well...it's my mom's death anniversary today. The lilies were just in remembrance of her since I can't visit her."
"Faye." He breathes as he rounds the coffee table in one blink and kneels before me. "They were her favorite?"
"Yeah."
"I can't imagine losing a parent and how painful that must be Faye. How old were you?" He asks thoughtfully before his eyes widen. "Sorry...you don't have to answer –"
"It's fine." I laugh softly and he smiles as he tucks my hair behind my ear. "I was fourteen and...I lost both my parents in a sense. My dad is still alive but it's like he's not there or...perhaps I'm more of an afterthought to him. I was with my mom when we got into a car crash that took her life, all because I wanted a girl's day. All because I was jealous of how much my dad loved my brother and how he always had his undivided attention."
"He resents you?" Noah concludes with a frown and I try not to focus on how his arms now rest beside my thighs on the couch effectively caging me in.
"Yeah and it's strained our relationship. Because of that I've always strived to be perfect...to not give him anything else to be angry or disappointed about. No amount of straight A grades, trying to cook his favorite food or simply staying out of his way holed up in my room did any good though." I smile woefully as I reminisce the time before I left for college.
"That's not right Faye. I'm sorry you're going through that."
"I know." I smile sadly, thankful that my dad at least put me through therapy after the accident. "It took me a while to figure that out too but it doesn't change things in his eyes. If I hadn't wanted to spend time with mom then we wouldn't have gotten into that car, wouldn't have ended up in a crash and she would still be here."
"It's his loss." He says but it's so quiet, just meant for me, even though we're the only ones in this room. "He's lost out on seeing what a brilliant woman you are."
"And clumsy."
"A walking talking hazard yes." He smiles beautifully as he winks at me which makes my heart want to burst. "How could I forget?"
"Thanks Noah, really. I'm sorry for unloading all that on you." I sigh as I pick up the flowers and throw them in the trash.
"No need to be sorry." He replies gently before nodding towards the kitchen. "Dinner? I just finished making some pasta."
"Yes please." I nod before we grab our plates and take a seat on the couch.
I try not to groan because man can this guy cook! We put on a show and Noah inhales his food like usual before going back to the kitchen for seconds. Soon enough I notice his leg bouncing from the corner of my eye and smile knowingly when he gets up to grab one of his protein bars.
He turns to me just as I finish my food. "I'm still hungry."
"That's nothing new." I chuckle before frowning in confusion when he stands and puts on his jacket.
"Want to get some fresh air and grab some ice cream? Maybe even find some fresh lilies if the florists are still open?"
Who am I to refuse Noah Jackson standing there with his hand outstretched waiting for mine?
We head out and off campus to find an ice cream store not far away. I chuckle at Noah asking for a triple scoop with all the toppings they could possibly fit on the sweet treat. We walk around but all the florists have closed for the day which I predicted. I reassure Noah that I'm over it but he still drags me into various supermarkets looking for lilies until we finally find a bouquet.
"Oh! We need to get some soup for Lilah too. Poor thing is sick."
"Which one? All the good ones are gone." He asks as he frowns up at the limited variety.
"Veggie's safe." I grab it before we head to the checkout.
As we're walking back to our dorm I spot Stefan marching towards us...well me. Noah notices him straight away and I have a bad feeling that things are about to get ugly. I pray Stefan doesn't say or do anything stupid but that goes unanswered when he all but throws his work at me. Both me and Noah stare at the papers floating towards the ground before looking up at him, Noah less impressed than me.
"Pick that up." Noah states and I grip his arm to stop him from stepping into Stefan's face like he was intending to.
Stefan rolls his eyes but does as he said before holding them out to me. "Here. It's rushed but I fixed it even though I didn't need to."
"Apologize to her for what you said earlier." Noah demands causing my head to snap up from the pages I was reading.
"Um no? Hey!" He chokes out when Noah grabs him and slams him up against a wall. "What the fuck?!"
"Noah! Let him go!" I hiss as some people look over at us in curiosity.
"Apologize!" He thunders and only fists his jacket tighter. "Otherwise, I'm going to ram your thick skull into this wall right fucking now!"
"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry Faye!" He yelps as he tries to shove Noah off him. "Let me go! I'm sorry!"
"Will she have to edit or add to it in any way?"
"No." He whimpers when Noah almost lifts him off the ground. "Yes! Okay fine, I rushed it but I have plans man!"
"Noah!"
"Pick those fucking papers up and have it done perfectly by tomorrow morning with enough time for Faye to look over everything. Is that clear?" Noah's tone switches from angry to calm so quickly it stuns me for a moment. "You're lucky she's stopping me otherwise you'd be sporting a shit ton of bruises with broken bones to match."
"Yeah man, I-I'll get it done." Stefan nods vehemently and groans in pain when Noah shoves him back. He turns and grabs my hand before pulling me across campus with a gentle, "Come on."
We walk silently for a while and have almost reached our building when I speak up. "Thanks Noah. You didn't have to."
"If he gives you any more trouble you come to me, got it?" He asks, still a little bit angry.
I nod and hesitate before wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He immediately sags into my embrace and hugs me back tightly. I smile at him once we pull away before he takes my hand and loops it around his arm, guiding me up the stairs and into the lift. We stop at Lilah's dorm and knock, hearing her complain inside as she makes her way closer.
"I'm literally dying." She groans dramatically once she opens the door.
"You certainly look the part." Noah quips before grinning when she glares at him.
"Noah, don't be mean." I say as I make my way straight to the kitchen to heat up the soup.
"Why the fuck are you here?" Lilah grumbles as gets back under the blankets on the couch.
"I bought the soup so I'd be a little kinder if I were you." He replies smugly as he leans against the living room's door.
"Thank you Faye." She replies pointedly which makes his smile drop.
"Do you need anything else?" I ask as I hand her the soup and check her forehead. "You're not burning up which is good. Just the common cold I imagine."
"No, I'm good and –" She's cut off by her housemate, Hannah, walking in and immediately her eyes widen when she notices Noah.
"Oh my god, hi!" Hannah beams excitedly causing Lilah and I to exchange a knowing glance. "Delilah! You didn't tell me you know Noah!"
"Unfortunately." Lilah mutters as she dips her bread roll into the soup.
"Wow Delilah!" Noah stresses her full name and I realize he's always known her as Lilah. I bite my lip to stifle my smile when Lilah puts everything down and lunges for him. "I thought we were friends! You don't mention me Lils?"
"Call me that again and I'll strangle you!"
"Rude!" Hannah exclaims as she sides with Noah. Of course, she does. It would be a cardinal sin not to.
"Faye, let's leave these two here and go to your place?" Lilah turns to me with a pleading look.
"No thanks, we don't want to get sick. Let's go Faye." Noah smirks as he reaches for my hand.
"Come give me a hug before you go!" Lilah grabs him and pretends like she's about to sneeze.
"Oh, hell no!" He yelps as he shoves her back and runs down the hall.
I can't help but laugh when Lilah chases after him, realizing how my mood has switched and that I instantly feel a lot better. Shooting an awkward smile to Hannah I leave in search of my friends with good, happy memories of my mom flitting about in my mind. A stark contrast to the usual moping around I would do, laying in bed all day fighting tears and nightmares. There's no guilt either for not spending the day mourning.
I kind of like the change.
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