"Bye, rockstar."
Nate wrapped his arms around the group of friends that he had grown accustomed to in rehab. Lia and Serena were joined at the hip, and they followed him everywhere. Lia cut her hair when he admitted that he couldn't tell her and Serena apart. They made sure he never felt like he was alone. Jonas was quiet, but he was always firm about keeping him sober. They played music together. The brunette man was always the first to read the songs he would scribble down whenever the cravings started haunting him again. Ahab's room was right next to his, and he kept him company whenever he couldn't sleep. He collected vintage editions of books under his bed. Sometimes, Ahab would let him read them, even though he could rarely get past a single chapter.
He remembered all their names. He spent his days rolling around their floors crying, throwing up in their trashcans, singing unfinished songs as they listened. They kept him sane. Without them, he would have long lost sight of why he even started recovery. He smiled. It would all be over today thanks to them.
He looked around the room that he had grown accustomed to for the past three months. Being the best money could buy, it seemed more like a hotel room. A king sized bed where he played his guitar and rolled around in when he got sick from withdrawals. Two mahogany bedsides tables that he often felt the urge to bash his head against when those withdrawals became too much. His own bathroom that he really should have been throwing up in instead of other people's trashcans. It came with heated floors, to boot.
He could have stayed forever if he wanted to. But he had to face his demons in the real world, outside the safe environment the rehab center provided. Besides, he missed his home. He missed performing. The rush of being in front of a crowd of people with his guitar was all he needed. In three months, he learned to see how cocaine was only dulling his true love for performing and being with his fans. Addiction took him out of living in the moment because he was always waiting for the next hit. It took forever to see, but it was all so worth it.
"Good luck, guys."
They smiled at him. Serena blushed as she slipped him a card signed with glittery pink gel ink. He read their messy signatures scrawled across the front.
"Don't read it yet!" Lia chided. "We made it especially for you last night."
"Okay, okay," he chuckled, looking up from the card. He placed it neatly into his duffel bag. He zipped it up and heaved a huge sigh. For the past three months, this place was his home. He wasn't sure if he could handle the cameras and questions that would hound him once more. But it was time to get back into the swing of things.
With one last hug, he walked out of the rehab center. Past cream walls decorated with paintings of mountains and cabins. Past the dining room he and his friends would laugh and chatter in between bites. Past room after room belonging to people that waved him goodbye. Past the garden with flowers that glittered with dew. Out of active addiction.
It didn't take long for a few people to spot him. They practically crowded over each other to catch a photo of him. The sight of their phones and cameras made him dizzy. Their questions flooded his ears. He had gotten used to them, but after a while being away, it made his heart pound. He put a hand over his eyes, trying to look for the car that would take him home.
He spotted a figure that made his heart race. A short man with half his head shaven, a dyed streak through his hair that he last remembered to be red, though it was fading into a gold pink. Sharp eyes with a pointed look to them and even sharper cheekbones. He had piercings all along his earlobes. It was him. His legs moved faster than his mouth did. He couldn't get there fast enough.
"Xia!"
The man turned around. The dour look on his face turned into a smile. His heart leapt for joy. He hadn't seen that smile in ages. He jumped into his best friend's embrace. His arms wrapped around Xia's shoulders, patting down the bones that jutted out of his skin.
"Hey... you're even skinnier now," he teased, though his tone was clearly of concern.
"I'm fine," Xia reassured. "Just been worrying about you. But you're here now."
Guilt jabbed at his stomach. He might have spent nights worrying over being apart from Xia, but at least he wasn't alone. Xia had to spend months fending for himself. He felt awful that he made things worse for his best friend. He wished they could have gotten better together. Then, they never would've had to spend so much time without each other. They could have taken care of each other.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't blame yourself."
Xia rubbed his back. He let go of him and took his hand. It made him happy that Xia was constantly keeping contact with him. They would never be separated again. They walked along the parking lot hand in hand. Their fingers were interlocked. Nate brushed a thumb along Xia's knuckles. He tried not to notice how red and swollen they were. The cameras flashed.
"Nathaniel, how are you feeling after rehab?"
"Zin, are you glad to have him back?"
"Does this mean a third album is coming out?"
Xia's fingers twitched. Nate could tell that he was itching to give them all the middle finger. The press must have been hounding him day and night when he was gone. He wished he could have been there to try and help. At least he wasn't alone anymore. He squeezed his hand. Xia's body relaxed. They walked towards a black van. He squinted his eyes. There was a strange feeling creeping up on him the closer he got.
"RAHHHH!"
As soon as the doors opened, someone lunged right at him, enveloping him in a bear hug. He jumped back but was unable to avoid his embrace. His face was peppered with kisses. He angled his face away and wriggled helplessly in his arms. A laugh escaped his mouth. He couldn't have expected anything different.
"Mate, missed you lots. Yer finally outta the loony bin!"
A face slowly popped out of the door. He took in the next person to greet him. They struggled to fit their long legs behind the front seat. Dreaded black hair hung over their eyes, and all he could see was their round nose and full lips. They moved gracefully when they turned their head left and right to look out for cameras. When they were satisfied, they pushed their hair back and smiled. Warm brown eyes gazed at him from under bushy eyebrows. Their voice was almost too soft to hear in the commotion.
"Sorry, Ra wanted to scare you when you came back. I told him not to."
"It's alright, Charlie. Now, get off me, you nut."
Nate smiled. He hugged Ra back before pushing him off. The Brit planted one last wet kiss on his cheek as he let him go. He wiped his sleeve all over his face and faked a grimace. Ra grinned in satisfaction. He had kept his red hair, still tied up in his signature ponytail. Ra's brown skin used to be the same shade as his, but he had gotten a tan that made him glow in the sunlight. His hooked nose scrunched up and his cherubic cheeks grew even puffier when he smiled.
"Nah, I got to give ya lots o' love. You've been gone ages."
Xia grumbled as he got into the driver's seat.
"Let Nate in the van, at least. We've got to get to the celebration party."
His ears perked up. A party? Now, that was something he liked to hear. God knows he deserved a party after being cooped up in rehab for as long as he had been. This was a cause for celebration. He pumped his fists up excitedly. Xia rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Nothing too crazy, alright? It's just a few people and us. No one who would bring any drugs, I'm not an idiot."
"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" he chanted. Ra laughed and pushed him into the van. Charlie helped him up to his seat. He reclined into it, missing the familiar feel of the leather. His body melted right into the black seat.
The van started to move. He watched the rehab center disappear from his sight, along with the crowds of people snapping pictures of them. He breathed a sigh of relief. He truly felt as if he was starting a new life. Everything was the same, but different. He couldn't imagine why he dreaded it so much, confronting everything without the comfort of cocaine. He saw it now. Cocaine wasn't a safe space. It was destroying him, but he freed himself. He could do it all without it. The best part was that he wasn't alone. He had Xia. He had the band.
Ra reached out behind him to put his hands on his shoulders. It broke him out of his daze.
"'m hungry. Aren't ya hungry, angel face?"
"We can eat at the party," Xia said. Ra fell back into his seat. Devastation was written all over his face. He mimicked the sounds of his stomach grumbling. The more Xia ignored him, the louder he got. He finally gave up and began to complain.
"I'll be skin an' bones by then! Come on, isn't there a place nearby?"
Nate's stomach rumbled. He didn't realize how hungry he was, either. He barely ate breakfast because of how busy he was with preparing to leave. Some food sounded good right now. He could imagine a burger with a giant juicy patty melting in his mouth. The savory taste of cheese filled his senses. Refreshing tomatoes slathered in sweet cheeseburger sauce. His mouth watered.
"I kind of want a cheeseburger."
"Go on, mate. Let's get ya a cheeseburger," Ra cheered.
Charlie piped up. "It's a special treat for Nate. Cheeseburgers."
The whole van, except for Xia, started to chant.
"Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers!"
Xia gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. His jaw worked overtime as he grinded his teeth together. His resolve was faltering in the face of being annoyed by three people at the same time. Nate could have sworn a vessel was beginning to burst in his forehead. He wanted to laugh, but that might've sent Xia into cardiac arrest.
"Alright! Alright, I'll turn here, and we'll get you a cheeseburger," Xia yelled in resignation.
Ra clapped his hands.
"I should get a treat fer helping. Charlie helped, too."
"We're not getting anything else," Xia protested. He turned the van around. They were approaching a fast food building. Heaven! He hadn't seen such a majestic building in ages. A tower of excess and hedonism, it was perfect for him. The van pulled up to the drive through. The intercom crackled. Ra began to assert his stance for the rest of the band to get fast food.
"Yeah, we are."
"We're not."
"We are."
"No."
"Welcome, what will you be ordering today?" came a cheery voice. Nate interrupted their incessant back and forth. Otherwise, they would be there all day. He spoke loud enough to be heard over his stomach growling.
"Double Whammy Supreme please. Extra tomatoes."
Ra took the opportunity to chime in.
"Cheesy potato salad!"
"Nuggets, please," Charlie asked. Xia sighed. He cleared his throat, trying to disguise his voice before he started talking. He wasn't sure why, since it wasn't like the worker on the other side hadn't heard his voice. Should he have tried to growl his order?
"Uh, yeah. Can I have a Double Whammy Supreme with extra tomatoes - Jesus Christ, Nate - cheesy potato salad set, and a nine-piece nugget set?"
"Double Whammy Supreme, extra tomatoes, cheesy potato salad, nuggets, nine pieces. Do you want Coke with that?"
"I wish."
Ra kicked the driver's seat. Xia looked back at Nate apologetically before scowling at Ra. He liked watching the constant battle between the two bandmates. He missed his life being filled with their bickering.
"What are ya eating, Chief?" Ra asked.
He sighed, "Make that nine piece a twenty."
There was cheering in the van. Nate joined in their fun, stomping his feet to the beat playing on the radio. The energy in the van was infectious and dizzying. Even Charlie was laughing. Xia shrunk into his seat. His scowl grew more severe.
"Nuggets! Nuggets! Nuggets!"
"Can you babies shut up?"
"Woohoo!"
They were interrupted by the intercom buzzing.
"... Will that be all?"
Xia nodded before realizing the worker couldn't see him. He cleared his throat and muttered out a yes. Silence followed as the orders popped up one by one on screen.
"Alright, your total will be..." the worker began.
"One billion dollars," Ra whispered excitedly. Xia managed to smile.
"It's good to have you back, Nate."
Nate smiled back. They drove to pick up their food. Ra sang out of tune to the song playing on the radio. Nate listened curiously. It had been half a year of being away. He hadn't listened to new music since. Of course, the radio was still playing the same music they were at the beginning of the year, but there were some songs he didn't recognize.
He was about to ask Xia what he thought of the new songs when he heard a gasp.
"Zin?"
They all turned. The young worker with dyed hair and three nose piercings gaped at them. He liked their style. Maybe Xia would be inspired to get another piercing. He, on the other hand, was fine with having the hell of getting his ears pierced be his only experience. He toyed with the gold earring hanging down his earlobe.
"Ra? Charleston? And... Nathaniel? All of you are here?"
He grinned. It had been a long time since he had seen anyone who recognized him that way. The one downside of getting into the best center was that almost everyone in rehab was either rich or famous in some way. It was nice to meet a normal person. He lifted his hand to wave.
"I'm out of rehab."
"Oh my god," the flustered worker covered their mouth. Their eyes were beginning to water. He was beginning to feel bad. "I didn't know."
"Yeah, the only ones who know are us, so keep it a secret, okay?" Nate said, holding a finger to his lips. They nodded enthusiastically.
"I'm your biggest fan! I have Gone Today, Here Tomorrow on vinyl!"
"That's awesome," Xia said, distracted. Nate pushed him out of the way to talk to the worker. They listed all their favorite songs while he commented on them. No matter how many times it had been, talking about the songs was what excited him the most.
"Basshead Baritone's a classic. I didn't know you could sing like that!"
"Almost had my voice give up on me."
"Smokeshop is amazing. I love the vocals and piano on it!"
"Yeah, Xia almost punched the living daylights out of me over that song."
"Black Tar Suicide made me cry."
"Made us all cry recording it. I'm glad the emotion came through."
He could hardly get over his excitement, but the worker had to walk away to the kitchen. He didn't know which one of them was sadder.
"Sorry, your food's ready."
He nodded. After a few minutes, they returned with bags full of food. Their hands were shaking. Xia took the bags of food before staring at them, knowing the question that would come next.
"Um... can I have a picture?"
Nate's eyes lit up. He could be asked that a million times. It made him happy when someone was so polite about it. It made him happier to know that the love for him hadn't faded with him being gone for rehab. He wanted to bask in those moments forever. To be loved, forever.
"Of course. Come on, guys, let's get together for a picture!"
"Hey," Xia complained. "I'm the leader, I decide when we're taking a picture."
"Please...." he begged, giving Xia his best puppy eyes. He softened.
"Alright, come on."
They crowded around to fit in the frame of the worker's phone camera. Nate wrapped his arms around Xia and smiled. Xia stared right into the camera. Ra put two thumbs up. Charlie hid a smile behind their hand. The worker held the camera button and snapped picture after picture within a few seconds. Nate pretended to be dizzy after hearing the camera shutter again and again, making them laugh.
The band settled back into the van. Nate's eyes scanned the worker's nametag.
"Thanks for being the first one to greet me... Jericho."
Jericho gasped and seemed to be on the brink of tears again. He was glad they had such a recognizable name. Maybe he'd remember them. The first fan to see him be free. They stepped back, trying to contain themselves. Their head bobbed up and down.
"No, thank you. I knew you were going to be so nice. This is the happiest day of my life."
He laughed.
"You might be able to see us again... don't be afraid to say hi!"
Xia grunted. He urged the van forward, eying the cars lined up behind them. Nate slumped back into his seat. He gave Jericho one last wave. They smiled the biggest smile he had seen in months. Their arms waved enthusiastically, making their whole body shake.
"Bye, take care!"
The van sped off. Ra handed him a burger wrapped in foil. His fingers greedily tore away the wrapping before taking a huge bite. The taste of greasy meat infused with bursts of flavor sent him back to memories of being on tour. Everything in rehab was so healthy, but this was fast and fleeting, just like the feeling of being on the road.
"They're probably not the only one who knows you're out," Xia mused. "The articles are probably on the roll already."
"Whatever," Nate said in between bites. "It was true for a few seconds, and that's all that matters."
Within a few minutes, his burger was gone. He patted his stomach. He could think much more clearly without hunger clouding his mind. There was so much to look forward to. What would he say to the press? Who would be the first people to meet him again? Most of all, he had to see Kimi, his girlfriend. She had visited him a few times, but rehab didn't change the fact that she had a busy schedule as a popstar. He figured Xia had invited her to the party, nonetheless.
Ra looked over his potato salad with mild amusement in his eyes.
"Remind me not t'ever be stranded alone with ya. You'd start eatin' me alive."
Charlie giggled. He felt warm at hearing Ra's endless stream of jokes again. He rolled over and leaned his head against the armrest. He was satisfied. Everything was much less scary than it seemed. He might have changed, but the world marched on as it always did. He was better, stronger. He could do anything in the world.
He listened to the drone of the radio. His eyelids were heavy. It would be a while before they reached home. He could afford a nap. He knew there wouldn't be any time for rest once the whole world knew about him. He needed to savor the moments he had where it was just him and the band. When he opened his eyes, it would be the nonstop world of showbiz once more.
His head was filled with fantasies of partying, performing and cameras flashing. He was being called onto stage. All that was left to do was open his mouth and sing.
He drifted off to sleep to the sounds of a crowd cheering his name.