Buck
I'm frozen. I can't breathe, can't think, can't speak. I thought it was the disbelief of seeing Abby again. It's the first time I've seen her since the train crash six years ago. The day she told me that she had moved on, so much so that she was engaged and had a new stepdaughter. Doing a quick scan of the area her stepdaughter and husband are nowhere to be found. It's just her and...her daughter?
Her daughter with a birthmark identical to mine.
But...it can't be...can it?
...Six Years Ago...
I still can't believe it. Abby went to Europe and came back with a new life; a new family. She left me behind. I thought I was okay with that. I thought I was over her; that I had let her go. But seeing her again, every feeling I thought I had let go came flooding back like a tsunami.
The last thing she told me before she went to be with her new family was, "Take care of yourself, Buck." I have no idea how I'm going to do that, Not when I feel like I have to relearn every motor skill I've ever developed.
My head hurts. My heart feels like it could stop any minute. Why am I feeling like this if I'm over her? I try to shake my brain of this feeling. I'm home now; alone. Right now, my thoughts are my own worst enemy. I don't know whether to take a scolding hot shower or an ice cold one. Before I can make that decision, I hear a knock on my door. I jog over to answer it, expecting Eddie or Chimney or even Maddie. I never expected to see her standing there.
"Abby."
"Hi Buck," she smiled shyly. She had changed clothes from when I last saw her. Now she was in a plain red tank top and white shorts, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, her skin clean of all dirt, blood, and debris from the train crash.
"Wh-what are you doing here?" I stammer.
"To be honest, I'm not really sure," she blushed.
"How do you know where I live?"
"You can find anything on the internet these days," she chuckles. I raise an eyebrow at her. "Buck, I'm kidding. I asked Athena for it at the hospital."
"Right," I laugh nervously. We stand there awkwardly for a few seconds, although it feels like a lifetime. She subtly gestures to my apartment behind me. "Oh right! Come in," I stand back and open the door wider, closing it behind her once she's in. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"
"No I'm fine. Thank you."
I grab myself a beer from the fridge, grabbing an extra one and setting it on the counter in case she changes her mind. I take a quick sip before asking, "How's Sam?"
She looks startled at first. I guess she wasn't expecting me to ask about him. Or maybe she forgot that she was supposed to be with him and not here with me. "He's stable. Grateful to you for saving him. We all are." Her eyes meet mine and she holds my gaze.
I look down quickly, realizing that I can't do this anymore. Pretend that everything is fine, that we're such good friends when she hurt me the way she did. "Why are you here Abby?"
"I told you, I don't know."
"Oh you know. You didn't just stumble upon my doorstep by accident. You asked for my address. There's a reason you're here, so why don't you just tell me what that reason is so we can move on with our lives?"
"Buck-"
"Oh that's right! You've already moved on! It's me that has the work to do right?" My voice is raised.
"Buck-"
"Because I was too much of a lovesick puppy for even thinking that you would really come back. Tell me Abby, did you ever have any intention of coming back or did you know before we said goodbye that you were leaving for good?"
"I said I was sorry, Evan! My God what else do you want me to say?!"
"I want you to tell me the truth," I say. My voice has gone from almost angry to dead calm. "Did you ever really love me at all?"
"Are you kidding me right now?! Of course I loved you Buck!" Abby takes a step towards me, but I step back.
"Nah. I don't believe that," I shake my head. "If you loved me, you would have stayed. You wouldn't have left me alone."
"I did love you. Too much. And that's exactly why I had to leave. People like me ruin people like you."
"You were my first real love, Abby. The only thing that ruined me was you not being honest with me about your intentions."
"I told you I didn't want to put a label on it, but you insisted!" I pause, not wanting to say anything that I'll regret. Judging by the look on her face, she's thinking the same. "I didn't come here to fight with you Buck." She says softly, almost a whisper.
"Then why did you come?"
She shrugs. "I guess...I guess I needed to say goodbye one last time." She steps closer and leans in, leaving a light peck on my cheek. She doesn't pull away fully, looking me in the eyes before saying "Goodbye, Evan." It's a whisper against my skin. She doesn't move and neither do I. I don't know how long we're standing there...seconds? Minutes maybe? I don't know. But it's long enough that I have time to think about what I want to do next.
"Abby-" she kisses me. I had full intentions of asking her to leave, but now? I am not a strong man when I am this broken.
I knew it was a bad decision as I kissed her back, but fuck it. She was here and if she really didn't want me then she would have left. I hated her for coming back, for being here; for putting me in this position. Well guess what, now she can hate me in the morning for what I am about to do. I hope her fiancé can forgive her; but for this, I refuse to.
I don't even pretend to be gentle as I man handle her back against the island in the kitchen and she gasps as her back hits the counter. I expect her to at least complain a little, to get a grip of herself and tell me she's leaving; but she doesn't. It only makes me hate her more.
She grabs at my shirt, tugs at it like she might rip it. I growl, it's feral and it's a warning. She is not allowed to ruin anything else. I pull away and pull it over my head in one fluid movement, tossing it to the side. I'm heaving in great big breaths, eyeing her from the corner of my eye. It's her move. I'm not a strong man in this moment but I'm also not about to push this if she decides to walk away. She doesn't. Instead she takes my hand and leads me up the staircase to my bed.
We don't say anything as she strips and then turns to rid me of my lingering clothing. I stand like a statue as she runs her hands over my chest before pulling me back in for a kiss. It breaks the last of my self control. I push us back onto the bed and climb on top. She seems to be enjoying the rough play but in my head my thoughts are on a loop 'Ihateyou! Ihateyou! Ihateyou!'; it turns my blood from liquid to fire. It burns through the chains and releases a beast I didn't even know existed and there is no kindness in me as I give her exactly what she wants.
I no longer care if she will like me in the morning. She can burn in hell with the beast inside me.
******
Present Day
"Buck? Buck?" I hear someone calling me, but my mouth is dry and my lips won't move to form a coherent answer.
"Buck." This time, it's more stern. Eddie grabs my hand gently, stroking it with his thumb. A silent gesture to let me know that he's here with me, no matter how these next few minutes turn out. I notice Abby looking down at our entwined hands. Shock flickers across her face, disappearing as quickly as it came.
"Mommy, who's this?" The little girl, Andi I think her name is, breaks the lingering silence. I don't know whether or not to be grateful.
Abby must be thinking the same as she plasters a forced smile onto her face. "Honey this is...Buck. He's an old friend of mommy's. Can you say hi?"
She waves shyly at me, shrinking farther behind Abby. I bend down so that I'm face to face with her. "It is very nice to meet you, Andi. And who is this handsome little guy?" I gesture to her stuffed bear.
Her faces lights up and she comes a little closer. "This is Beary Potter!"
I laugh as I look at the bear. He has black round glasses, a small wand, and a t-shirt with a lightning bolt on it. "Well it's nice to meet you too, Beary." I shake the bear's hand, causing the young girl to laugh. I glance up at Abby, only to see her already looking at me smiling. I give her a small smile in return, our eyes seeming to bare into each other's souls.
"Ahem."
We both snap out of it as Eddie clears his throat softly behind me. I stand quickly and look between the two of them. "Right, sorry. Abby this is...um." Eddie lets out a bitter chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief.
He pushes past me to get closer to her. "Hi, I'm Eddie. Evan's boyfriend." He reaches out to shake her hand and she takes it, chuckling at the not-so-subtle hint.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Eddie."
We're all silent for a minute, not knowing how to address the elephant in the room, wondering if we should address it at all. Eddie shifts uncomfortably next to me. A glance at him lets me know he's trying his hardest not to glare daggers at Abby. "We should get home and relieve Carla," he finally says.
Abby gasps lightly at the mention of her old friend's name. "C-Carla?" She whispers. "How is she?"
I chuckle, thinking of how Carla acted before Eddie and I left the house earlier. "She hasn't changed a bit. Trust me." Abby laughs with me.
"Tell her I said hello."
"I will." Abby starts to walk away with Andi, and I know I should let her, but I can't. Not without saying, "How long are you in town for?"
She stops. She looks unsure of whether or not to answer honestly. "Well I've finally decided to sell my mom's house, so however long it takes me to do that I suppose."
"We should get together while you're here." I find the words coming out before I can think about them. Word vomit is an understatement.
"Yeah, yeah we should. Um...I'll call you."
"Sounds great!" It isn't until I feel Eddie shift next to me that I realize the words came out sounding a little too eager.
"It was nice meeting you, Eddie."
"You too, Abby."
"Bye!" Andi exclaims. Eddie and I wave at her as we watch them walk away.
We walk back to the jeep in silence.
**********
You can cut the tension with a knife as I drive us back to Eddie's place. As soon as we arrive, he jumps out and heads to the door without waiting for me, entering the house just as quickly.
"How was it?!" Carla squeals before we can even shut the door.
"It was great!"
"HA!" Eddie laughs bitterly. He's in the kitchen now, pouring himself a glass of whiskey. He fills the entire glass.
Carla looks between the two of us. "Okaaayyy. What did I miss?"
"Well-"
"No no no. Let me." Eddie interrupts, taking a long swig of his drink. "We ran into Abby."
Carla snaps her head in my direction. "What?!"
Before I can say anything, Eddie interrupts again. "Oh and her daughter was with her." He pours himself another glass, and downs the entire thing without so much as flinching at the burn of the drink.
"Her what?!"
"Oh sorry, her and Buck's daughter."
"We don't know that she's mine," I say walking towards him.
"She has your birthmark, Evan." He practically spits my name at me like it's a dirty word.
Carla looks between the two of us, the tension palpable. "Listen, emotions are high right now. We don't know if the child is yours and we don't know if she isn't. I think we all just need to go home and get some sleep. Your heads need to be clear before you have this conversation." I nod in understanding and Eddie does the same. "It's settled then. Goodnight, see you both tomorrow?" She gives us both a kiss on the cheek and heads out the door.
We're both silent. Time passes. It feels like ages, but it's probably just minutes. I'm about to break the silence, but Eddie beats me to it. "She looks exactly like you," he whispers dolefully.
"Eddie-"
"Is there even the slightest possibility the kid could be yours?"
I nod in defeat. Eddie bites his lip, looking as if he's going to cry. And I'm the one that did this to him. "Is this gonna change things? Between us, I mean." Eddie doesn't answer. "This doesn't change how I feel about you, Eddie."
"But does it change how you feel about her?" I can't answer that because I honestly don't know the answer. I think I'm still in shock.
"I'm in love with you, Eddie." I edge closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, leaning my forehead against his. "I want to be with you." I kiss him urgently, trying to convince him that this is what I want. This moment right here, where it's just the two of us. Where nothing else in the world matters. He kisses back at first, then pulls away.
"You didn't answer my question," he states sadly, backing away from me. And with that, he heads down the hall to Chris's room and shuts the door.
He doesn't come back out.
I turn for the door and hold my tears until Eddie's house is no longer reflected in my rearview mirror. I'm sure in the morning, I'll hate Abby for this too.
A/N: For those of you that are still here, thank you(:
Any predictions? Do you think Eddie was wrong in getting upset with Buck? Let me know in the comments and please please please vote!
Until next time!
-A💘