13th February 2006
It was 3pm, and I had just woken up.
What a magical morning.
I turned to my side table, next to my bed, to grab my phone. Only to see a bunch of missed calls from an unknown number and my mum.
"why the fuck is that old hag calling me?" I mumbled.
A little background information. I have a twin brother called Gustav, who lives with my mum in Germany. Then there is me, Y/n, and I live with my dad in England. When me and Gustav where 4 They got a divorce. Because I live in England I don't know much German, manly swear words. Whereas Gustav is fluent in German and knows quite a lot of English, I think he's pretty good but he said 'my English isn't yellow from the egg' and when he says a sentence like that I kind of have to believe him. The reason Gustav knows English too is, one because our mum speaks it quite often but, two our step dad is English. I guess the old hag has a type. Every summer I go to stay in Germany for a couple weeks and Gustav goes to England, but not at the same time so we can see each other too. While I've been living with my dad he's been saying some pretty bad things about my mum causing me not to like her too much but I only see her once a year so it doesn't really matter. Back to the story.
I called my mum back and she answered right away but sounding quite panicked "Hey honey, don't worry, please don't worry okay"
What the hell?
"Worry about what?"
"Do you not know what's going on?" she said sort of confused as to why I'm confused.
"No, mum you're scary me, what's happened?"
I suddenly have a weird feeling in my stomach.
Must be hungry.
"I'm coming down for a few days, I'm leaving now"
Why isn't she telling me what's going on?
"Why the hell would you do that, dad's probably going to throw up at the sight of you" I laughed a bit.
"Honey... honey"
"...How he thrills me?"
I'm starting to actually get worried.
"Your da- He's in the hospital."
"Don't tell me it's another diabetes scare. I told him no more fucking sneaking into the kitchen in KFC and drinking all the gravy"
"No honey, um, he-" she said in a way to be cautious of my feelings.
uh oh
"He passed in a car accident"
Everything went numb. My vision slowly sank in and I had no idea what was real and what was fake anymore. I sat in silence for I'm not sure how long. I could slightly hear my mum talking to me through my phone but it was hard to make out what she was saying as it was blocked by a high pitch buzzing. (Not sure why Barry Benson thought it was a good time to pop over). I didn't know what I was thinking, I didn't know what I was feeling. It was as though I died and was put into spectator mode, like I wasn't in first person anymore.
I had eventually come back to consciousness and I hung up the phone and flung it to the other side of my bedroom. I felt streams of tears and sweat rolling down my face. It was as if I was, what I can only describe as, melting. I buried myself under my duvet and just kept saying to myself "This isn't real". Until I heard someone twist my doorknob. I burst from under my covers in hope that it was my dad, but no, It's my mum. "Wait- wai- wha- what- what are you- how did you- when-" I couldn't make out any full sentences. I think my brain as been put in a blender.
She came over to me and I cried in her arms for what felt like eternity till we both just fell asleep. It's weird, I've never felt like I've had a good connection with my mum but I could honestly be hugging anyone right now. I don't know why time is so fucked up for me right now but I don't like it.
I can't believe it. He's gone. Forever.
14th February 2006 Lets pretend this isn't valentines day. okay xxxxxxxx
I woke up feeling as though my eyes were taken out and replaced with fucking bricks. All my muscles were tense and aching. I slowly slid out of my bed and walked over to my mirror to see what looked like a distorted version of myself looking back, as if I was in a dream. God how I wished it was a dream.
My door creaked open from the draft coming out my slightly opened window. A gust of what I'd say is 'breakfast food' came flooding in and through my nose, quickly reminding me that my mum is here. So much had happened, I'm not surprised I didn't immediately remember that she came all the way here from Germany.
I took a deep breath and threw on my favorite hoodie. I had to sit down for a second to pull myself together. I then went into my bathroom to through water on my face to help a bit, but it didn't do much. I think I'll just gaslight myself into thinking it helped.
I sat on my ass and dragged myself down the stairs like a little kid would and made my way into the kitchen to find out about that smell.
"What time is it?" I asked walking up to my mum.
"Around ten thirty I believe" She put down her phone and started walking up to me too.
"How did you get here so fast?" I muffled because my mum was squeezing me so hard.
"well it took me about four, five hours to get from my house to here. Luckily there was a flight pretty much right as I got to the airport."
"Oh, well it felt like you teleported." I crocked as it was still hard to get words out.
My mum let go of me and walked over to the dining table and pulled out a seat. "Take a seat".
I went over and took a quick glance at what was on the table, then scooted my chair in.
"There is cereal, pancakes, waffles, hash browns, eggs and whatever else you can see"
Never in my life have I seen her make so much food but then again I only see her for a fortnight each year.
She got me a plate and I grabbed a waffle and the bottle of syrup. As I started to pour the syrup, I zoned out, making it spill off of the plate a bit. Mum ran over and took the bottle out of my hand.
"sorry" I whimpered. Yes like a dog and what about it.
"IT'S ALRIGHT, YOU TAKE YOUR TIME" sorry didn't mean to put in caps.
I paused for a while then looked up at her. With all my mighty strength I managed to say "Will I get to see him? pale faces give me a rush"
"Was zum teufel" she whispered.
"what?"
"Nothing- um I just talked to some of his work friends and we've decided on a funeral next Sunday, so you'll get to see him then" She was giving me a concerned look, I think she's still raped up about what I just said. I was joking. obviously.
I looked down and began sobbing into my now waffle soup. My mum knelt down next to me and rubbed my back and gave me a slight hug. She let go and I could see her eyes start to water.
What? She doesn't like dad why would she be sad. Maybe it's because I'm sad, but I didn't think she liked me very much.
"Hey, look, I know this is hard-"
"Awful" I interrupted.
"Yes awful, but you have to be brave for me okay. And especially your dad, he would of hated to see you this way." She paused and gave me a look of reassurance. "Now you have all week then next Sunday is the funeral, then on Monday morning we're going back to Germany"
We're?
It hadn't even clocked to me that I'd have to move to Germany, permanently now. I have no family left here in England so there was no way I could stay. My heart began to pound, this is all too much. I don't want to live with her. I don't want to move to Germany. I don't want to leave my friends, all my memories. I can't do this. Even though my dad has been gone for about a day I just want him back. Nothing is right this way.
She started to talk again.
Will she ever just give me one second.
"I know this is a lot to take in y/n, and I love you so much but please don't leave packing to the last minute"
What the Flying Uncle's Collecting Kids
"If you need my help don't be shy to ask. Or even if you want me to do it all, but I don't want to make your last days here too stressful"
She just isn't real.
"I'll go and buy a movie and some snacks so we can just relax tonight but if you were wanting to say goodbye to anyone I'd make the plans soon" she pinched my cheek and ruffled my hair.
That's it I'm running away.
"Now finish your food and then go get ready otherwise you'll just feel like crap all day" She kissed the top of my forehead then got up to get me a new plate.
I didn't want to think too much about what she just said so I took a bunch of food to distract myself, otherwise I would probably hit that bitch.
I took some toast, eggs, hashbrowns and when I was finished with that I had some pancakes with fruit. If I'm going to be eating all that food I've got to crack in the five a day somehow.
After I finished I ran up the stairs, didn't want to be near her any longer. I locked the door and did a dramatic main character slide down it. It didn't go so smooth though. I slipped and crashed on the floor really hurting my tail bone, I mean you have no idea how much this hurts.
I huffed loudly in frustration.
"Everything okay up there?" my mum shouted up the stairs.
"yesssssss" I said dragging it out annoyingly.
I started to think about what she said earlier and she's right. As much as it pains me, I have to say goodbye to people and I have to pack and have to continue everything on like a normal day. For example getting dressed... jeez I didn't realize such a simple thing could seem so difficult, so huge.
I used my door handle to help me up, then my nose started to drip so I wiped the snot off like a grotty iPad kid. I opened my door and quickly ran downstairs to wipe it on my mum's coat. I quickly ran back upstairs and locked my door again. Suddenly tears started flowing out of me like I was a water gun. I mean tears = everywhere.
What a bitch though. Making me move. Haven't seen her in like half a year and she comes over here acting like a bossy bitch. Acting like my dad hasn't just died. Give me a fucking break.
I threw myself onto my bed and stayed there for a bit, just crying. When I moved there was a big wet patch from my tears. Now I'm just mad, I aggressively grabbed my mp3 player and put it into a speaker thing it can connect to and just listened to sad songs. really set the mood.
I got out an outfit, some low rise blue jeans and a Betty Boop cropped tank top, and went and had a quick shower.
Who am I kidding I never have quick shower. I was in there for an hour, which honestly is quicker than usual.
After I got dressed, I half way blow dried my hair then decided to cut it. I don't know I guess I'm in a quirkalishus mood.
You best believe when I finished cutting it I threw my head around like a punk rocker.
Then I finished drying it. I cut It to just under my shoulders and gave myself layers, I think it's called a butterfly cut but I could be hella wrong.
After hair, I then did my makeup. My usual, which is a really light base then false lashes with a black waterline.
I was still feeling a bit unfulfilled, so I gave myself some piercing's. Going crazy guys someone needs to stop meee. I bought a kit and some jewellery a while ago but would always pussy out, but I finally did it. I gave myself a bellybutton piercing, a nose piercing and some ear piercings. Quite a lot I know, but thought I'd take advantage of the numbness I'm feeling. *Throws up gang signs.
I wanted to do a tongue piercing too but I do not trust myself enough for that. So I'm going to write a note and put it on my door telling my mum to leave me alone so that I can sneak out and get it done professionally.
I knew I wouldn't be able to get the piercing without parental permission since I'm only fifteen, so, I snuck downstairs to take my mums passport since I think we look fairly alike and it's worth a try. Luckily she was in the toilet so I could quickly go grab it then go back upstairs.
I put the note on my door then grabbed my phone to text Grace and Riley and tell them to meet me at the park.
Me- Hey are you guys free to meet at the park
Riley- yeah but I have homework so can't stay long
Grace- yes of course. Also I'm so incredibly sorry y/n. I love you girl and will always be here for you x
Me- thank you x
(I know she obviously doesn't mean it but every time I'm reminded I can feel and hear my heart crack)
Riley- wait what happened?
Oh god. I don't want to say.
Grace- Nothing, I'll tell you later x
thank god
Riley- oh ok, and leaving now
Grace- I won't be long but I'm eating right now
Me- ok see you guys
Grace- see you x
If you don't like something keep it in your whole. I don't mind advise though. But I hope you fellow uwu baka's are enjoying the story so far xoxo