Chapter Summary: This is part 2 of "I'm missing Love". And also in these short stories Sah and Teddy are a couple.
Sah and Teddy have moved in together and Sah has been suffering from Nightmares which take them back to their night out last week. With endless shifts and hardly any sleep Sah tries to push on, soon everyone notices that Sah is struggling. What will happen when Sah collapses in Resus whilst handing over a patient to Stevie and Dylan.
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Sah's POV:
My legs were so tired as I ran or rather stumbled through the dark damp alleyway in a desperate attempt to get away from this guy, but he appeared in front of me so I turned around and he was behind me as-well he was all around me. Soon he morphed into one person and as he came towards me I was covered in darkness.
I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and a gentle voice telling me that I was safe, I opened my eyes and saw Teddy sitting beside me in our bed. I rolled over onto my right side so I was facing Teddy and I quietly said 'Sorry for waking you' Teddy leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead and replied 'It's okay my love, would it help to talk about it', I shook my head and moved closer to Teddy as he wrapped one arm around me and I said 'I can't Teddy I'm sorry'.
Teddy held me as we fell asleep to the sound of the falling rain, both knowing that we had to get up for work soon but in this moment I felt safe and warm. It felt like I'd only been asleep for a few minutes before Teddy's alarm went off, I let out a loud groan and rolled over slamming my pillow over my head to block out the sound, Teddy lifted the pillow up and said 'Sah it's time to wake up my love. Why don't you have a shower I'll go and make us some breakfast and coffee.
Whilst Teddy went downstairs I went through to the bathroom and stripped out of my pjs and got into the shower, the hot water seemed to help wake me up. After my shower I got out and dried off before walking back into the bedroom to change into my uniform.
Teddy's POV:
I'd just finished having my shower and I came out into the bedroom and saw Sah stood in front of the mirror fixing their hair, Sah looked at me in the mirror and said 'Teddy what's wrong' I walked over and wrapped my arms around Sah's waist as I said 'Nothing, I was just looking at you and thinking how good you looked this morning'.
I leaned in and kissed Sah on the lips each kiss getting more passionate, Sah pulled away and said 'Teddy we're going to be late for work, we can continue this later' I gave my best sad face before saying 'Is that that a promise', I ran down the stairs grabbing my backpack and car keys Sah followed me out of the house we then got into the car and drove to work.
Once we got to work me and Sah made our way into the ambulance station and through to the locker room to get changed, Jan walked in and said 'Nice of you two to join us, Teddy your with Iain today and Sah can you go in the rapid response vehicle. Calls are coming in thick and fast so let's get going'. Once Jan had gone I turned to Sah noticing that they were staring off into the distance, I reached out and took their right hand and said 'Hey are you okay, you look exhausted' Sah gave me a re-assuring smile and said 'I'm okay, I just need to crack on'.
Sah's POV:
So far the shift was going smoothly there had been no serious calls, after assisting on another shout I was driving back towards the hospital when I received another shout and it was the one that every paramedic dreads it was a category 1 call, baby not breathing. I switched the blue lights on and drove to the address as I got closer to the address control updated me saying that back up was on it's way.
I got to the address and quickly got out of the car, grabbing the bags before heading into the house the mum was kneeling on the floor doing CPR on her daughter, I placed my bags down and took over CPR but it wasn't making any difference and I was so relieved when Jacob and Jan arrived. Jacob placed a hand on my shoulder and said 'Sah let me take over, you've done good' I moved back letting Jacob take over whilst I spoke to the mother, I walked over to her and said 'Hi there my names Sah, what's your name' the mother looked over at her daughter and then back to me as she said 'My names Emily, is she going to be okay'.
I lead Emily over to the sofa and sat her down as I sat beside her and said 'Your daughters heart has stopped, my colleagues are doing their best to re-start it. Has she been poorly recently or anyone else in the family', Emily coughed violently a couple of times before saying 'My husband had Covid last week but he tested negative on Sunday'.
In my head I was panicking because I knew that this was most likely a Covid case, I looked over at Jacob who looked at me and shook his head and I knew that I was no going to have to break the bad news to Emily. She looked at me and said 'What's happening why have they stopped', I took a small breath before saying 'Emily I'm sorry but my colleagues have been unable to get your daughter's heart going again, we've tried everything we can I am so sorry'.
The rest of the shift went fairly smoothly and after my last shout I went back to the ambulance station and restocked the Rapid response Vehicle so that it was ready for tomorrow, just as I was finishing up Jan called me into her office. I walked in and sat down in the chair at her desk she sat down in the other chair and said 'I just wanted to have a chat with you about that shout today and see how your holding up', I looked down at my hands and said 'I can't get the sound of the mother's crying out of my head, I've never seen a baby die before'.
Jan hugged me tight and said 'It doesn't get any easier in this job, but it helps to talk to colleagues about it. Have you told Teddy what happened'. I shook my head and replied 'No not yet, he asked me how I was at lunch and I just put a brave face on. I probably won't tell him' Jan took my right hand in her's and said 'Sah listen to me you need to tell him, he'll want to know'.
Teddy's POV:
I knew something was definitely up with Sah because they were quiet the whole way home, normally we talked about our day or I'd tell them one of the jokes that Iain would tell me. Once we got home I went upstairs to have a shower whilst Sah started preparing something for dinner because they were better at cooking than me, whilst I was in the shower I heard my phone ping on the sink after getting out and drying off I picked up my phone and saw a message from Auntie Jan saying.
"Hi Teddy, this is just a quick message I wanted to ask has Sah told you about today? " I quickly typed back with all sorts of thoughts going round my head about what could have happened today, Auntie Jan replied quickly "Honestly Teddy it needs to come from Sah". I didn't reply this time I pocketed my phone and made my way downstairs, Sah was in the kitchen leaning against the counter with their head in their hands crying I walked into the kitchen and placed my right hand gently on their back and said 'Sah my love what's wrong, did something happen at work today'.
Sah didn't respond verbally but simply just nodded I took their hand and lead them through to the living room, Sah sat down on the sofa and I knelt down in front of them as I said 'What happened at work today Sah, I'm here for you'. Sah wiped the tears from their eyes and said 'I got called to a Category 1 call this morning Baby not breathing, I did everything I could and so did Jan and Jacob but it wasn't enough the baby died', I pulled Sah into my arms and said 'Oh my love I'm so sorry I should have been there for you'.
Sah's POV:
After talking to Teddy I felt slightly better but I still couldn't get the sound of the mothers crying out of my head, as the night crept in I fell asleep in Teddy's arms as he lay in bed watching something on the TV I just hoped that when I woke up tomorrow morning I would have a clear head.
But once again my sleep was disturbed by visions of him I could feel his hands all over me and then one of his hands wrapped itself round my throat, I reached out to try and push him away and that was when I felt someone gently shaking me on the right shoulder. I lashed out with my right hand and said 'No please get off me' the silence was replaced by Teddy's soft voice 'Sah wake up your having a bad dream, it's okay your safe' I sat up quickly and bought my knees up to my chest, Teddy turned the light on and then sat in front of me on the bed as I slowed my breathing down.
Once I'd calmed down I sat back against the headboard as Teddy sat beside me he softly said 'Was it the same nightmare as before' I shook my head and replied 'No this one was worst he was standing over me with his hands round my throat', Teddy placed his left arm around me and said 'It's okay Sah your safe here with me, I won't let anyone hurt you ever again'.
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(The next day, still Sah's POV:)
I woke up the next morning feeling tired and abit under the weather but I just assumed it was because I'd not been sleeping very well lately, after having a shower I felt a tiny bit more human but still not 100% so once I'd got dressed I went downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee. Whilst I was busy making mine and Teddy's lunches he came down into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me, leaning in and kiss me on the neck.
I leaned back into him enjoying the moment before saying 'How have you got so much energy this morning my love' Teddy smiled and kissed me on the cheek before replying 'I honestly don't know, must just be the sight of you looking gorgeous this morning'.
After having breakfast myself and Teddy drove to work, once we were ready we walked into the staff room where Jacob and Ian were sat talking. Jan walked into the staff room and said 'Good morning my lovely's, so the pairs today are. Ian and Sah, Teddy and myself and Jacob can you go in Rapid response vehicle'.
Ian's POV:
Once Jan had assigned us our teammate for the day we all headed out to our vehicles, Teddy stopped me as Sah continued walking I stopped and said 'You okay mate' Teddy nodded and said 'Yeah I'm okay, but Sah's not been sleeping well. Their still having nightmares about that night out, plus they had a difficult Category 1 job yesterday'. I placed a hand on Teddy's left shoulder and said 'Don't worry mate I'll keep an eye on them', Teddy smiled and said 'Thank you Ian I appreciate it'.
So far the day was going smoothly, all the calls so far had been small emergencies but I couldn't ignore how tired and pale Sah looked. After unloading our last patient we stopped to have lunch but Sah only ate a few mouthfuls before putting the lid back on and saying that they were full, I was about to say something when a call came in for us to assist at an RTC so I started the engine and fired up the blue lights before driving off towards the location of the RTC.
Sah's POV:
As we pulled up at the sight of the RTC there was lots going on and it looked like there were a few fatalities which made me have a small flashback to the baby girl yesterday, Ian placed a hand on my shoulder and said 'Sah are you okay' I nodded and grabbed my coat from behind my chair as I got out of the ambulance. Once out of the ambulance I opened the side door and grabbed my helmet and passed Ian his before grabbing two of the bags whilst Ian took the other two.
Jan was in charge of the co-ordinating the scene so we went straight to her to ask her what she wanted us to do, she turned around and said 'The scene's mostly under control, I need you two to transport this young lady to A&E. Her names Lisa she's 31 years old and has a deep open wound to her right lower leg'. I made a note of her blood pressure and other sats before heading back to the ambulance to get the stretcher but as I turned away I heard Jan say to Ian 'It was drunk driver in the other car, this young lady is the only survivor'.
Once I got to the ambulance I opened the back doors and stepped inside, silently crying to myself knowing that I was meant to be strong in these sort of situations. I pulled myself together and took the stretcher back to where Ian was, ignoring the dizzy feeling I had and focussing on the job in front of me.
The drive back to the hospital seemed to fly by and soon Ian had pulled up outside, he came to the back doors and opened them quickly as I stood up and said 'Her blood pressures dropping we need to get her inside now'. Ian grabbed the bar at the end of the trolley and quickly but safely pulled it down the ramp out of the ambulance and into the A&E department, as we walked in we were met by Stevie, Dylan and Faith and I started giving them information on the patients injuries.
As I was speaking I felt all dizzy again I tried to ignore it but it just intensified and suddenly it felt like the room was spinning, I could see someone in front of me it looked like Rash and sounded like him he said 'Sah are you okay, you look really pale'. Although Rash was speaking to me his words sounded really quiet almost like my ears were stuffed with cotton wool and I couldn't hear anything, I put on a brave smile and nodded but suddenly my body failed me and I fell to the side my body crashed to the floor.
Rash's POV:
One minute Sah was standing in Resus 1 handing over a patient from the RTC that they and Ian had been to, the next minute Sah had collapsed on the floor. I immediately sprung into action and crouched down beside their body checking straight away for a pulse, I found one but it was very rapid I turned to Stevie and said 'Stevie their Pulse is really elevated'.
Stevie ran over to the doors and shouted 'Cam can you and Rida get me a bed from one of the cubicles, quickly Sah's collapsed', I carefully picked Sah up from the floor just as Cam and Rida came into the resus with the bed I walked over and gently placed Sah down on the bed and followed Stevie into the small Resus room next door.
Once in the smaller Resus room I turned to Cam and said 'Cam can you go and find Max tell him we need his help down here, and Rida can you go and find Ian for some reason he's vanished'.
Sah's POV:
As I started to come round the first thing I became aware of was people talking I could hear Jan and Ian talking to Max and then I felt someone rub my arm to help me come round, I looked and saw Stevie stood beside me she smiled and said 'Hey Sah your okay, take it easy. I'm just going to sit the bed up'. I felt a bit lightheaded when Stevie sat the bed up but not as bad as I had done earlier, I looked at Stevie and said 'I feel like I've been hit by a truck what happened' Stevie wrote something down on my chart and said 'You collapsed in Resus, your pulse was abit elevated. But it's settling down now, how have you been feeling recently Sah'.
I looked down at the hospital blanket picking at the loose threads as I said 'I've not been sleeping very well lately, not since my nightmare night out when my drink was spiked and I was raped in an alleyway'. Stevie looked up and said 'Oh Sah I had no idea that happened I'm so sorry, have you been having nightmare's', I nodded and said 'Yes pretty much every night, Teddy's been brilliant. But the other day I had a very upsetting Category 1 call baby not breathing, the baby died and that night I couldn't get the sound of the mother crying out of my head'.
Stevie nodded and said 'It sounds like you've had a tough few days, your results are all coming back fine so we're going to discharge you. But I think you need to speak to Jan about having some time off and maybe speaking to a councillor about what happened to you'.
Teddy's POV:
Me and Jacob had just bought a patient into the Ed when I noticed Jan and Ian stood in the one of the cubicles I walked over and said 'Auntie Jan what's wrong' Jan stepped aside and I saw Sah sat up in bed with a blood pressure cuff on and a canula in their right hand, I walked round to the other side of the bed and said 'Sah my love what happened are you okay'. I leaned in and kissed Sah on the cheek and then Sah replied 'I collapsed in Resus 1, Dr Nash thinks it's because I've not been sleeping well and I've been exhausted'.
I turned to Stevie and said 'Thank you for looking after them, so what's the next step now' as Stevie took their gloves off she said 'Myself and Dr Cristie are happy that Sah's Sats have all come back to normal so they can be discharged. But I really think Sah could do with some time off to rest and and possibly see a councillor to talk about what happened to them'.
After an hour or so Sah was discharged and I was allowed to take them home, Auntie Jan stayed so that she could give us a lift home. Once we got home I helped Sah inside and upstairs to bed, I helped Sah to get undressed and into something more comfortable before settling into bed.
I'd just gotten changed out of my uniform and I walked back into the bedroom and Sah said 'Teddy could I have some squash to drink and something to eat', I smiled and kissed Sah on the lips before saying 'Of course my love, I'll be right back'.
I went downstairs into the kitchen and pulled a tray from the cupboard and placed a glass of cold blackcurrant squash on it followed by a plate with some toast on, I walked upstairs back to the bedroom. As I walked across the landing into the bedroom I saw Sah fast asleep in the bed their eyes clearly tired, I placed the tray down on the chest of drawers before walking round to the other side of the bed and getting into it. I switched the light off as I laid down and gently placed a kiss on Sah's forehead and whispered 'Goodnight my love, your safe I promise'.