"She's so hard to please, but she's a forest fire." - Liability
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"I don't want to go to school today," I yelled from my spot in bed. For some reason, the thought of it was unappealing at best, and I just wasn't feeling it. I wasn't really feeling anything today. All I want to do is lay in bed all day. And tomorrow. And for the rest of my life.
"Adri..." Cole called slowly, cautiously approaching my bedroom door. "Are you okay?"
That was a dumb question on his part. Can anybody recall a time that I was ever okay? Because I surely can not.
"I'm not going to school today," I stated and then turned away from my door. I went to school for almost a straight week. I think that I should be allowed to miss one day.
"Maybe you should take your medication before coming to that conclusion." He suggested, and I heard my door slowly creak open.
I shook my head and stayed turned away from him. My medicine is all the way in the kitchen, an entire floor away from my bedroom. Let's not forget the fact that I'd have to walk to the kitchen and leave the safe, warmth of my mountain of blankets. All of this just to take faulty medication and sit inside of a brick building for seven hours. No thank you.
I hate to say this, but maybe you should go take your meds. You still want to go see Kris; even after yesterday? Yes, I do. What is wrong with you? Nothing is wrong with me, it's you; so go and take your stupid meds.
"Alright. I'm coming."
Cole's body visibly relaxed, and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
"Thank you." He sighed, and I just rolled my eyes. Don't thank me. Thank the other crazy person.
I followed Cole out of my room and into the kitchen. He made his way towards the stove, and I grabbed a granola bar and my medicine container before sitting down.
"Cole," I started before I even knew where I was going, and he hummed as an answer, "Why do people exist?"
"What do you mean "why do people exist?"
"I mean, "Why do people exist?"
Cole sighed, before turning back towards me with a glass of water and a cup of coffee in his hands. I held out my hands in the direction of the coffee, but he just gave me a look before handing me the glass of water. I began eating my granola bar with a sad pout.
The last time Cole let me have coffee, I ran away. I came back a few hours later but neither my parents nor Cole appreciated the worry.
"Did something happened at school?" He asked knowingly, and I gave him a look.
"Something always happens at school."
This time he shot me a look. "Did something out of the ordinary happen at school?"
"No, I just don't want to go to school. Nobody wants to go to school." I reminded him, throwing my arms in the air. For once, I wanted to be a normal teenager, every teenager hates school, but it just had to be on a day where Cole felt like being a responsible adult. Granted that was most days, but one day I'll get lucky.
"When I was in school, I liked going to school. Ellie likes going to school." He reasoned, and I scoffed unimpressed.
No offense to Ellie, but if I got to sit around and draw all day, I'd like school too.
"Where's Mom? You told me that she was home, and I didn't see her yesterday or last night?" I asked, not so subtly changing the subject.
He looked down at his coffee, and I could already tell that my plan had backfired. "That was two nights ago Adri. You know how she-"
"Yeah, I got it. Let's just go to school." I cut him off as Ellie came bouncing down the staircase.
"Yeah Cole! Let's go to school!" Ellie giggled clinging to his pants leg.
Today Ellie wasn't dressed in all orange. Only her headband, T-shirt and shoes were orange; her pants were plain blue jeans. For her, this was an improvement. With the streak she's been on, she could've just as easily worn her orange leggings.
"I'll be ready in a few Ellie. Why don't you and Adri go to the car and I'll meet you there."
The Freedom Metal felt foreign in my hand, and Ellie's familiar hand fell into my other. I gazed at the metal in my hand in a daze, as Ellie pulled me out of the house.
Cole was never going to let me learn how to drive. It's not that I hadn't picked up a few things in my 16 years of life, but all of that was pointless if my parents and Cole don't ever let me get a car. I wasn't even allowed to be in a car unless I was with someone else. Even Ellie was my babysitter.
"Adri, are you okay?" Again with the trick question?
I squeezed her hand, looking down at her. "Never better. Why El?"
"You're shaking."
I immediately dropped her hand, and just answered her with a smile. I opened her car door without looking at her facial expression and made my way to the front seat.
Ellie knows about my little problem. She's witnessed me have multiple panic attacks and lash out at Cole and our parents. But the nice thing about Ellie knowing is that she doesn't talk about it. She always pretends like she didn't hear my sobbing in my room or screaming at my parents. She treats me like a normal human being.
The six-year-old treats me better than the adults in this family.
"Are you guys ready?" No. I will never be ready.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! Let's go Cole!" Calm down Ellie. Let's not rush him. He can take as long as he likes.
"Adrianna? Do you think you're going to make it now?" Cole asked in a hushed tone. No need to whisper Cole. The six-year-old already knows that I'm crazy.
I settled back against my seat and looked out of the window. "I mean, sure. Whatever."
"That doesn't sound very reassuring."
I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine. At least until these meds wear off, but by then I would've taken my afternoon meds." I turned to look at him, with a small smile. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."
He smiled back. "Alright."
We dropped Ellie off first, where she was immediately surrounded by kids. Everybody loved her and she loved everyone. It was hard to understand how she handled all of the attention, but I was glad that she could. It must be nice to be normal.
"Do you want to tell me what happened at school now?" Cole asked without looking at me, trying to make this whole communicating thing easier for me.
"I already told you, something always happens at school," I repeated, staring straight ahead, but I still caught Cole's frown in the corner of my eye.
"Adri come on. Just talk to me please." He pleaded gently, and the sound of his dejection made my stomach turn.
I shifted in my seat, waiting a few beats to respond. "There's this person at school. I don't want her alive."
"Did she do something to you?" Cole asked, his protectiveness oozing from his tone.
"No, no." I reassured him quickly before he could get any ideas about calling the principal, the district superintendent and the governor.
I mean, unless any of them can do anything about the warehouse of fireworks she set off inside of my chest that's been burning me from the inside out for the past week, since the day I met her. Can the fire department do something about that? Is it ever going to stop?
"Not in the regular way I guess." I settled on saying out loud. "She's not mean to me. I just don't want her alive."
"Okay, first of all, don't let anyone at school hear you saying that. " Cole reminded me with a finger point, and I gave him a dismissive hand wave. "Second, you tend to push people away when things are out of place, which isn't always a bad thing. Is this person nice to you?"
"I mean," I sighed and looked out of the window, "She has proved to be useful on a few occasions."
Like when she puts out the fires that I start myself. I've never met anyone who could sift through the rubble and pull me out the way she does. I always come back to her in one piece, and that it's refreshing. And what's even better is that she keeps coming back. Fire after fire, she comes back for me.
"Then why would you want her gone?"
"Because at the same time, she's frustrating and I want to throw her off a cliff. She's like you, except, you're my brother and I love you, so I would never throw you off a cliff. But with her, I don't know. Sometimes I want to stab her and sometimes I don't. Do you know what I mean?" I rambled in the way that only can with Cole.
When we stopped at a red light, he looked over to give me a small smile. "I think so. Why don't you just stay away from this person for a while? See if you're happier without them."
"Sure. But if I do that, I'm also staying away from the only possible friends that I have."
Cole rose his eyebrows as if he had finally put all the puzzle pieces together. "If I may ask, is this person Kris?"
"I've known the girl for two days Cole, and I want to kill her," I answered flatly. "I just want everything to be as normal and stable as possible, and she just ruins it all. She's full of so many surprises. I don't like it."
He snorted, his way of calling me on my bullshit. "Surprises can be fun. You just got to know how to take them." He offered.
"Are you taking her side?" Why is everybody team Kris? What happened to team Adri?
"Of course not." He reassured. "I'm just saying that when I talked to Kris yesterday, she seemed like somebody that would be good for you to hang out with."
I crossed my arms over my chest and stared him down. "It sounds like you're taking her side."
"I'm not. I'm always on your side and I also know what's best for you."
"Now knowing that it's Kris, do you still think that I should take some time away from her?"
"Of course. It'll be like a real test to see if she's actually good for you." He rationalized, just as we pulled into the school's carpool line.
We gave each other a long and practiced, parting look over before I nodded and unbuckled my seatbelt. "Okay, have fun at work. Love you."
"Love you too. Be good. No hitting or biting. Try not to yell at people and-"
"Keep my homicidal thoughts to myself." I finished for him and then closed my door. I sent him a final wave, before walking up the school pathway.
I hate your brother sometimes. Oh come one, don't say that; now we can spend some quality time together. I don't want to spend time with you, I want to spend time with Kristina. Well, I don't want to right now, so you're just going to have to deal for a little while. I hate you. Love you too.
I walked to my locker with my head down, humming a song to myself. Something to create noise in my head and add to the already deafening chaos of teenagers in the morning, because the voices up there were lively today.
However. my song was interrupted when my body ran into a wall, and I fell back onto the ground. My eyes squeezed shut and my arms found their way around myself. I could hear footsteps walk past me, and I rocked myself as I waited for them to stop.
"We've got to stop meeting like this." Yeah, we do. Or else I was going to have some grossly bruised thighs.
"Can I help you up?" No, you can just leave me on the ground where you can't push me down again.
"Sorry about that. Adrianna right?" No, Dora the Explorer.
"Whatever, it's fine."
"How do you like the school so far?"
"It's-" I paused when I spotted someone over Nathaniel's shoulder. Kris was watching me with her head tilted and not even trying to mask her confused expression. There was a hint of something else though. Anger?
"It's fine. Hey, could you show me to one of my classes? I kind of forgot where it was. " And as long as I was lying to him about one thing, why not lie to him about another thing? Besides, Kris wouldn't try to talk to me as long as I was with Nathaniel.
"Of course. Is it okay if I call you Adri?"
I watched Kris as I walked passed her with Nathaniel. She glared at him and gave me a long look, before rolling her eyes and walking off with some brunette. My hands closed around the straps of my backpack in a death gri[ and kept my eyes ahead.
I don't care what Kris does. I don't care what Kris does. I don't care what Kris does.
"Would you like to eat lunch with my friends and I at lunch today too?"
"Are you friends with Claire?"
"Nah, that girl is crazy."
See how could he be a bad person if he thinks that Claire is crazy? A blind man could see that Claire is crazy; I want Kristina back. Well for one, Kristina is also crazy and for two, it seems that Kristina and I aren't on good terms right now. Well, I'd rather sit with one crazy person and a couple of nice people, than a table full of homophobic pricks.
"Actually, I have something I need to do at lunch. I'll see you later." Three lies and counting.
I sped up my pace and weaved through the crowd, away from Nathaniel.
I hated when he was right.