Oneshots! (Mostly Hermitcraft)

By JadedSundragon

15.1K 566 1.7K

Hello, and welcome to my oneshots book! I write Hermitcraft fanfiction, with a side of shenanigans from Hermi... More

Cub's UFO [Cub]
A Game of Tag (I got tagged. I hope this is entertaining)
The War of Faces (Hermittpad)
Possessed by an Idiot [Grian+the jungle crew]
Spring Prompt Challenge: April 1 - Bouquet [Iskall]
Spring Prompt Challenge: April 2 - Thunderstorm [Impulse]
Spring Prompt Challenge: April 3 - Meadow [Tango]
Spring Prompt Challenge: April 4 - Butterfly [Grian]
Spring Prompt Challenge: April 5 - Kite [Mumbo]
Spring Prompt Challenge: April 6 - Umbrella [Xisuma]
Spring Prompt Challenge: April 7 - Sunshine [Stress]
Definitely [Grian]
Song Fic: 'Bleeding Out' by Imagine Dragons [False]
The Pickaxe [Iskall, Grian, Mumbo, + Scar]
Indifference [Grian+Doc]
Fly You Fool! [Stress]
Tennis of Tables [Etho, Grian, others]
The New Watcher [Pearl]
Incorrect Quotes [Hermits]
The Void Only Steals - Pt. 1 [Xisuma]
Second Loss (TVOS pt. 2) [EvilXisuma]
Rest (TVOS pt. 3) [Xisuma]
Letting Go [EvilXisuma]
They could only Watch [???]
Watch Me Fly [Cub, Grian]
Not you [Xisuma]
Regrets [Grian, Scar]
Return (Regrets pt. 2) - Mumbo
Merry Christmas!
Hiatus [Mumbo]
Tagged Again
Bound to My Enemy [Xisuma, Cleo]
Raids - Team ZIT
Toss and Turn [Bdubs]
The End of Pixlriffs [Pix]
Accio Tagged Me. [Jade]
Black as the Void [Pearl]
Attempted [Xisuma, Tango]
This is Where the Fun Begins (pt. 2) [Tango, Xisuma]
I Have a Bad Feeling About This (pt. 3) [Tango]
Wither Heart [Impulse]
5k Special: Incorrect Quotes
Skulk Wasp [Xisuma]
The Code Speaker [EvilXisuma]
The Code Whisperer [Xisuma]
But I am Hell Bound [Impulse]
Don't Get Too Close; It's Dark Inside [Team GIGS]
At the Curtain's Call
A Hell Within My Head [Cub]
Can We Skip to the Good Part? [Tango]
Febuwhump 2024 [A/N]
Cut apart (for the sake of science) [Tango]
Alone, alone, alone (time means nothing) [Impulse]
Crossbow quarrels (please spawn proof better) [Tango]
We'll protect you (if you obey) [Zedaph]
The City on the Cliff [Etho]
Phasmophobia (a free-verse poem) [Anon.]
One More Time: From brothers into strangers once again [Impulse]
One More Time: Do I have to die to hear you miss me? [Impulse]
Cursed [Skizz]
The Code Brothers [Evil Xisuma]
10k Special (Y'all are insane)
Running to Never: We claw our way to the top [Impulse]
Running to Never: Will we ever know how to stop? (Running, running) [Impulse]
Heroes Suck. [Cub]
Glowberries (high in citric acid) [Jevin]
Seconds I wasted (I was fixated) [Impulse]
All my walls are built and on display [Cub]
For the Bad Boys (pt. 1) [Joel]
For the Bad Boys (pt. 2) [Joel]
For the Bad Boys (pt. 3) [Joel]
Off to die a thousand deaths (or until I finally rest) [Tango]
Why the helmet? [Joel]
Viva La Revolution: Out of the Frying Pan [Impulse]
Viva la Revolution: Into the Fire [Grian]
Content Warning: Last Man Standing [Grian]
Dying Coals [Tango]
Dying Coals: ALTERNATIVE ENDING
An appetite that only hatred satiates [Evil Xisuma]
Crying because you're dying (please stop dying) [Tango]
Important Author's Note (31.5.2024)

Never Tell Me the Odds (pt. 1) [Impulse + Tango]

204 4 10
By JadedSundragon

This is a Star Wars/sci-fi Hermitcraft AU. Personally, I believe it's better as a sci-fi AU purely because my knowledge of Star Wars comes primarily from episodes IV-VI, a character book (published in 2011), and the Star Wars wiki.

Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

TW: This is Star Wars. Expect injuries, blood, blasters, lightsabers, and death. And more that I might be forgetting. Yeah.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

===

Bonk.

The stormtrooper's head hit against the doorway as it opened. Impulse bit back a giggle at the annoyed gestures the trooper made, watching the squadron move steadily out of sight. He glanced backward at the trio behind him and crept forward, following them into the hallway. The door to the laundry stood to the left and they entered, ducking behind a stack of dirty armor and checking for troopers.

Surprisingly, there are none.

A few minutes later he was standing at the door, Imperial blaster in hand, watching for incoming troops. The helmet limited his view significantly, with narrow slits that made his periphery next to useless. Doc appeared behind him, dressed in one of the largest suits of armor. Even that was barely large enough for him to fit. Finally, Ren and Tango joined them, identical troopers impossible to discern from a regular one.

"Here's to hoping we don't shoot each other," Impulse jokes, raising his blaster and moving out. The others follow, trying to match the formal march of stormtroopers. Doc crouched slightly in the center of their group, masking his height by bending over and lightening his steps. They moved forward steadily, falling into step with another squadron toward a central control room.

Doc shot the closing mechanism the second they were inside. Ren, Tango, and Impulse opened fire on the troopers and officers inside the room, shooting them down quickly and effectively. Doc strode past the smoking bodies as alarms blared, causing storm doors to slam closed and block their exit. He shrugged, using the built-in code on his armor to hack into the computers, pulling up a map of the ship.

"We're a floor too high," he announced, pinching the screen to zoom in. "A turbolift is in the hallway to our left. Once there, we should be able to rescue the princess without a hitch."

"I told you," Impulse said, "she's not a princess. Alderaan just got blown up, remember? Scary stuff with all the mystery about how, but anyway, from what I've heard, Gem acts nothing like a normal princess."

"Ooooo, what's this?" Tango asked, disrupting the conversation and rummaging in a sealed cabinet he'd blasted open. He brought out a small, locked chest, forcefully opening the combination. "Awesome," he said as he drew the lightsaber, pressing the button on the side to activate it. A bright green blade extended from the hilt, humming with power and energy as he swung it experimentally.

"There must be a Jedi here," Impulse breathed, looking over Doc's shoulder.

"The princess is here." Doc pointed to a marked cell. "2617J. High security containment is two floors lower. Impossible to get in or out of without the right code. There's no way we'll be able to rescue them both."

"Fix up that attitude, my dude," Ren objected, grabbing a code cylinder from an officer and hot-wiring the door so it slid open. "Nothing is impossible when you try hard enough. Tango, you ready to go with me? Quick mission. In and out." Tango nodded.

Feet clanged against the metal hallway as stormtroopers invaded the area. Tango immediately retaliated, calling for Ren to duck while he fired his blaster. Impulse joined him, taking out the last soldier and following Doc into the now-empty hallway.

Tango punched the button for the turbo lift, killing both soldiers inside and taking it over. "For the Rebellion," he muttered, taking the cylinder from Ren and using it to access the floor below. Impulse and Doc exited the lift, tapping their helmets in salute.

"Got your comms open?" Impulse asked. Both Tango and Ren nodded before the lift closed on them again.

"We can hear you loud and clear," Tango replied, his voice coming through the hijacked communicator. "We'll free the Jedi and come back up to meet you. Hopefully, we can make it to the ship without too much trouble."

"May the Force be with you."

"You too."

Doc had already run down the hallway, turning right where it branched off at the J section. "Twenty-six fourteen... Fifteen... Sixteen... Here we go, seventeen," he whispered, punching numbers into the pad beside the door. It hissed open, revealing a young red-haired girl in a mint green dress.

Her eyes widened as she balled up her fists, pressing back into the opposite wall.

"Whoa, hey," Impulse said, removing his helmet. She jerked back in surprise, her posture loosening slightly. "We're here to get you out of here and stuff. C'mon."

She hesitated. Doc sighed. "Look, if we wanted to hurt you, we'd have done it already," he groaned, pulling off his helmet. She bit back her surprise. Rodians were never seen as stormtroopers. He put it back on, nodding to the door. This time, she followed.

Stormtroopers burst into the end of the hallway. Doc pulled a pistol from his belt, tossing it to Gem as Impulse pulled her behind a pillar. He stepped into the hallway, firing a few shots before ducking back to cover. Doc did the same on the opposite side of the hallway, but the attacking force was too big. Gem took a few shots of her own, taking several troopers dead in the throat with her pistol.

"See?" Impulse quipped. "Not a normal princess."

Blaster fire continued to whiz past, making it impossible for them to shoot back. Gem glanced around, searching for an escape hatch. She found none. What she did find, however, was a garbage chute.

"Into the garbage chute, flyboy," she said, grabbing Impulse by the shoulder and shoving him toward the chute.

"What?!" Doc said incredulously. "There's no escape from the garbage chute!"

"There is if we do it right," she shot back, sneaking a few more blasts from her pistol at the advancing troopers. "Come on, in you go."

She shoved Impulse down the chute, listening to him yell in panic as he slid down the narrow slide. Doc dove across the hallway, joining her on the other side. "Ladies first," he said sarcastically, covering her with his blaster fire. She jumped in without hesitation. He took a few more shots before following her down the hatch.

^-^ Tango ^-^

Considering the area being 'high security containment', it was relatively easy to break in. Luckily, the code Ren had stolen from the dead officer allowed them to access the first door, bypassing it with ease. The elite soldiers standing at the end of the hall protecting the next door went down with two well-aimed blasts from each of them.

The next obstacle was a numerical code barring the door. Tango scratched the top of his helmet as he looked at it, Ren watching the hallway behind him. The alarms continued going off, but apparently the Empire considered the level secure enough to not send soldiers to intercept them.

Jokingly, Tango typed, 1-2-3-4-5. The door hissed open.

"No freaking way," he said, laughing with relief. The black-clad troopers stationed in the hallway went down within seconds, barely given a chance to react. A blaster bolt hit him in the arm, knocking off a piece of armor and singeing it, leaving a bleeding gash. Tango hissed, observing the wound. Satisfied it was half-cauterized and not bleeding much, he followed Ren through the hallway, arriving at the next door.

"Dude, if there's another door after this, I'm leaving," Ren jokes, watching Tango move to the passcode pad and insert the cylinder.

A-B-C-X-Y-Z, he typed, snickering. The door opened easily, revealing a pitch black room, save for the machinery in the center.

The Jedi was in the heart of the machine, suspended by energy bonds in the center of layers of force fields. His head was slumped forward as electricity ran up and down his arms, preventing him from moving. Burns, scars, and open wounds covered his body as he twitched uncontrollably. He was unresponsive to the sound of their footsteps.

Tango shoved the cylinder into the side of the machine and grasped the lever to the side of it. It unlocked, allowing him to move it down and power off the energy shields. Ren shot the source of the energy bonds, covering his head as it exploded. The Jedi fell forward into his arms, alive, but just barely.

"Hey!" A group of stormtroopers entered the room. "What do you soldiers think you're doing?"

Tango didn't reply, shooting each of them in quick succession. Ren lifted the Jedi onto his back, taking a second to appreciate the X-shaped scar on the side of his face.

"TANGO!"

His comms crackled to life as they ran from the high security area. The lightsaber bounced on his hip as they sprinted to the lift. "Copy," Tango replied, punching the button.

"TANGO, WE'RE A FLOOR LOWER. GEM PUSHED US INTO A TRASH COMPACTOR. WE NEED YOU TO TURN IT OFF!" Impulse yelled into the mic, causing Ren to flinch from the sudden noise.

Tango stopped the lift at the level immediately above them, running into the control center. His blaster was uncomfortably hot as he shot every trooper in the room directly in the throat. Blaster fire pinged off his armor, scorching it and leaving a dent. He rushed to the computer, realizing he no longer had the badge.

"TANGO, HURRY," Doc panicked. "WE'RE ABOUT TO BE CRUSHED ALIVE."

Tango grabbed the nearest officer, stripping him of his command cylinder. He inserted it into the computer, navigating the screens rapidly as he shut down the trash system.

"You guys there?" he asked tentatively, hunting for the nearest compactor and unsealing the door to it. He discarded his overheated blaster, stealing another from a trooper.

"Barely," Impulse whispered. Footsteps clicked in the hallway as he emerged, leading a princess clad in green, followed by Doc's towering frame.

"My lady," Tango said, dropping to one knee. Ren bowed his head from where he stood, the weight of the Jedi making it difficult for him to kneel as Tango had. She gestured for them to stand, moving with Doc to inspect the map and route themselves back to the ship.

"You two need more grime on yourselves," Impulse said, laughing humorlessly. He was covered in garbage slime from the thighs downward. The near-death experience had clearly shocked him.

"Hey!" Tango protested, pointing to the blast mark on his chest and arm. "I'm scuffed up enough as it is! And Ren's carrying a Jedi. We can't exactly do anything about that."

"He's barely breathing," Ren noted, having discarded his helmet with one hand. His wolf ears were angled toward the Jedi nervously. "We need to leave. Fast."

It was a mad dash to the ship. Tango and Impulse opened fire on the stormtroopers, clearing a path to the beat-up freighter they had strategically piloted into the base. Hopefully, the Imperials were done inspecting it. They'd planted several suspicious crates in its cargo hold to prevent the search from going too quickly.

Ren ran up the boarding platform, ducking quickly to avoid hitting the Jedi on the low ceiling. Gem ran in behind him, using her pistol to keep the troopers at bay as Doc joined her on the ramp. Impulse and Tango backed swiftly into the safety of the ship as Doc ran to the cockpit, powering on the ship and hovering it off the ground. The ramp closed as Gem pulled Impulse and Tango inside.

Tango ran to the medbay, spotting Ren laying the Jedi on a bed inset in the wall. "Doc needs you up there," he told Ren, taking over hooking up life support to the Jedi.

The wolf-hybrid dashed to help, the familiar lurch of the ship leaving the hangar following soon after. Tango finished inserting the IV and slipped an oxygen mask over the Jedi's face. He was breathing more steadily as Tango smeared bacta on the more serious wounds, watching them seal partially as the canister ran out.

"Are you sure this junk of a ship will get us out of here?" he heard Gem yell as he ran to the cockpit. The lightsaber bounced at his side and he steadied it, making a mental reminder to return it once they had made the jump to hyperspace.

"'Course it will," Doc replied confidently. "She's the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy."

The hyperdrive was powering on as he slammed himself into a chair, buckling himself in rapidly. Gem gave him a side eye as he finished strapping in, listening to the familiar whirring of the hyperdrive. The lights flickered, and the whirring stopped.

"Damn it!" Doc yelled as he jumped out of the pilot seat. He opened the door to the engine room and slid down the ladder, carrying a tool box.

"Doc, there's an asteroid field," Impulse commented as he took over the controls. "Ren and I are going in. Hopefully it'll shake them off our tail."

"Don't do anything stupid!" Doc yelled back. "I'd hate to all die out here after all our hard work!" A clang followed by muffled swearing traveled down the hall as Doc dropped a wrench.

Impulse and Ren navigated through the asteroid field, lightning fast reflexes barely saving them from being crushed between rocks. The TIE fighters in pursuit crashed and swerved to avoid the boulders, causing blinding explosions.

A massive asteroid loomed above them. They flew straight at it, luring the Imperial TIE fighters into a suicidal run at the sheer rock face.

"Swerve up on my count," Ren said tightly.

"Go down." The words had a hint of suggestion behind them, but it wasn't enough for Ren to consider going downward. "I said, go down!"

This time, the suggestion was palpable as Ren and Impulse simultaneously piloted the ship toward the base of the asteroid. Above them, the TIE fighters crashed into the rock in a string of blinding explosions. Seconds later, a gigantic asteroid crashed into the same face, knocking off the portion of the space rock they would have been flying along.

Tango turned in his seat, looking in awe at the Jedi leaning in the doorway. He was at the verge of collapse, breathing heavily from exerting himself. Blood soaked his robes from where the wounds had reopened, steadily spreading through the light material.

Tango jumped up and caught him as he fell unconscious again, noticing with displeasure the bleeding mark from where he'd taken out the IV. Gem glanced his way before returning to her criticism of Impulse and Ren's flying. She evidently had more pressing matters on her hands. Tango dragged the Jedi back to the medbay, laying him back down on the bed he had been resting on.

Since the Jedi apparently had no thoughts of staying down, Tango remained in the room, having put the oxygen mask back over his face. He unclipped the lightsaber from his belt, tracing its polished hilt as he watched the uneven rise and fall of the Jedi's chest. Blood continued flowing, so he grabbed a roll of bandages, hoping to slow the fluid loss long enough for them to arrive back at the base.

"It should be working now," Doc called, closing panels in the engine room. "Get us out of here before we get beaten to a pulp!"

The ship lurched a few more times before arriving in open space.

"Programming coordinates," Ren said.

"We still have TIEs on our tail!" Impulse cried.

"Go man the guns, then!" Gem said patronizingly. Impulse ran down the hall a few seconds later, having given the controls back to Doc. Laser fire rocked the ship as the TIE fighters locked onto their position. Tango heard a few shots bounce off the shield as Impulse charged the small cannons.

"Impulse!" Doc yelled, connecting the communication system. "How are the TIEs coming?"

"Freshly cooked TIE fighters served now at your local Rebel Freighter Joint," Impulse replied, shooting several lasers. "Make the jump to lightspeed!"

Barely ten seconds later, the ship jumped into hyperspace, the stars stretching outside the window as they flew above the speed of light. Tango tucked his chin, keeping both eyes on the Jedi as they traveled.

Bang.

They exited hyperspace.

"Hermit Seven to Rebel Base. Requesting access to the atmosphere. Over"

"Access granted. Over."

"Doc, we need a medical team," Tango called worriedly. The Jedi's breaths were getting more labored by the minute.

"Hermit Seven requesting medical assistance in hangar eight. Over."

"Ten-four."

Ren began the landing sequence as Tango unbuckled himself, rushing to unstrap the Jedi so the medical team could take him. He grimaced at the amount of blood in his clothing, putting his hand softly on the Jedi's shoulder and willing him to live. The Jedi shifted slightly, eyes cracking open slowly, his face creased with pain. Tango smiled tightly as they made eye contact, something in the Jedi's gaze holding him there until the medical team arrived.

Tango watched as the Jedi was taken away. He hadn't even met the man, but he was already hoping for his survival.

In the meantime, he should probably find a spot to have his post-battle panic attack and adrenaline dump. At least that doesn't happen during battle. That would be bad.

^-^ Impulse ^-^

"Let me get this straight." Cub pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning back in his chair at the head of the table. "You go on a rescue mission for the princess – specifically for the princess – and you come back with a Jedi. Not just any Jedi. A Jedi who was being held prisoner in the highest security area of the entire battle station."

"Yep," Impulse answered, unapologetic for the team's actions.

"It wasn't that high of a security," Tango mumbled, still disgruntled after half an hour of solo time. Cub shot him a glare. "What?! The passcode for the second door was literally 1-2-3-4-5! The third door was A-B-C-X-Y-Z! The first door didn't even have a passcode; just identity verification we bypassed with an Imperial code cylinder. Seriously."

"You've endangered the entire rebellion," the general reproached. "You didn't think about checking for a tracking device?"

Tango shook his head. "Honestly, I was more concerned about him bleeding out and, y'know, dying. Did I mention that he saved us?"

"No?" Impulse asked. "He did?"

"Yeah, asteroid field. You guys were going to fly up the asteroid. He made you fly down the asteroid. Started really dying a few minutes later because he'd overextendificated his overextended self."

"I totally missed it, to be honest," Ren admitted, his ears lowering shamefully.

"Whatever," Cub said harshly. "We need to find out what he wants and if he'll be useful to the Rebel Alliance."

The doors swished open, and Gem strode into the room. She had changed into loose mint green pants, with a white top. Her bright red hair was pulled into a braid and tied up in a low bun, freshly cleaned and sprinkled with flowers. A blaster was in a holster on her hip, a weapon she could draw within seconds.

"The Jedi was pulled from the bacta tank fifteen minutes ago," she announced. "I talked with him a little bit, and he said that he wants to speak with you whenever it works for you."

"I'll go right now," Cub replied, standing and smoothing the creases in his uniform.

"I'll come with you," Impulse said. "I'd like to thank him at the very least."

"Alright. The rest of you stay here, please. I don't want to overwhelm him."

The two of them marched out of the room to the medbay, passing soldiers and officers. Impulse didn't know how Cub did it. He managed to maintain a smile on his face, raising the morale of the Rebels despite the dangerous circumstances. They were low on money and resources, their hidden base difficult to smuggle goods to. Doc and Ren had been on the supply team for over seven years, but even they struggled to find supplies that suited the budget.

The Jedi was seated cross-legged on the floor, hands resting on his knees and eyes closed. The medic team had retrieved fresh loose-fitting clothing for him after he had exited the bacta tank. He stood as they closed the door behind themselves, watching the pair with an interested, kind, and calm expression.

"I presume you're the leader of the Rebel Alliance?" he inquired, extending his hand to Cub. Cub took his hand and shook it, looking with curiosity at the X-shaped scar on the side of his face. The Jedi noticed his gaze, wincing insecurely. "Lightsaber wound," he explained. "I got it during Order 66."

"That was several years ago," Cub clarified, renewed respect shining in his eyes. "You still look like you're in your mid-twenties, though."

"I'll take that as a compliment? I never aged like other humans," he said, shrugging.

"We forgot to introduce ourselves," Impulse interrupted. Cub flushed slightly at the reminder. "My name's Impulse. This is General Cub. I was part of the group sent to rescue princess Gem. You're lucky we found you too."

"I'm grateful for your kindness," the Jedi replied, bowing. "The push I gave you and your co-pilot doesn't hold a candle to your service. My name's Xisuma Void. I used to be a Jedi Master."

"Saving our lives was more than enough, Master Void," Impulse replied. "What're you gonna do now that you're free?"

Master Void chuckled, saying, "Just Xisuma will do. As for my plans, I intend to assist the Rebellion in any way possible. There's a new hope for the Galaxy."

"In that case, Master Xisuma, is there anything we can do for you?" Cub offered, opening the door.

Xisuma glanced around at the Rebel base thoughtfully. "The red-eyed fellow watching me on the ship," he replied. "I'd like to meet him. Before that, however, I want you to take a sample and measure his Midichlorian count. I have an idea that could help us bring an end to the Empire."

"Right away," Impulse said, raising his communicator to his lips and repeating the Jedi's request to Doc. The Rodian replied in the affirmative, and Impulse and Cub took their leave, leaving Xisuma to stand in the doorway and survey the base.

^-^

There are 2 more chapters. Hang in there.

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This book will be full of one shots, short stories, and randomness involving the hermits. I've got many ideas and I will take requests!