I FEEL SICK. The room is spinning. I'm going to throw up.
I don't know why Stefan is here, or how I've just noticed him, but I do know that I need to leave. Now.
I set down the drink in front of him with the one for Killian in my right hand, but I'm stopped by a grip on my arm. Goosebumps erupt across my entire body. "Wear that bra next time." He whispers.
I nod.
What else could I do? It's not a suggestion, it's an order. One that I have to follow even though the thought makes me sick.
I rush past him, towards Killian. I can't tell exactly how close the table is to me, so I end up placing his drink down a little to hard, making some of the liquid splash onto the table but I don't care. I need to leave. Im past the poker table and by the bench where I'd left my shirt before he even has a chance to protest.
"Woa-" but Micah doesn't even get to finish his word because im out the door.
I'm half way through the club when I hear a door close behind me. "What's happening?" Killian asks. I don't take the time to answer as I manoeuvre my way through the many couches and tables.
And just as I open the door to leave, it's slammed shut in my face. The sound makes my ears ring. "Slow the fuck down and tell me what's going on." He snaps.
My head shakes violently "I- I just need to go home. I'm late." All I can focus on is fighting the urge to throw up.
You're really gonna wear that for him? Whore.
The voice chirps.
"Shut up." I want to tell it. "It'll be worse if I don't. You know that." I want to reason. But I can't. Because it's not real. There isn't actually a person in my head. I'm just crazy. And normal people don't talk to the voices in their heads.
"You don't have a home to go to." Killian states, snapping me out of the argument in my head.
Ouch
I look up at him, chuckling nervously. "I heard you and Ava talking." He explains.
"You mean Ana?" I ask, hoping to change his focus. "Yeah, she was really mad. Thank you, by the way, for the money. I really need it. You know, with bills and-"
"You're trying to distract me." He deadpans. "What happened?"
"Please, just let me go." I plead with him.
He sighs and rubs a hand down the left side of his face. "Yeah, whatever I don't care." He mumbles. I open the door and this time it doesn't close in front of me. I walk out and few seconds later, I heard the door close behind me. Tears cloud my vision as I walk back to my car.
Dads gonna be maaad... the voice hums as I take sit down in the driver seat.
"Shut up." I whisper.
You're so mean to me.
"Leave me alone."
Now why would I do that? You don't want me to leave.
"Yes I do." I grit.
No you don't. Because you know that even though I'm not real, I'm all you've got. Without me, you're all alone.
"Stop it."
Why? Do you want to go back to that pathetic pit you fall into every-time I leave? Lonely and quiet?
"I'd rather that than be crazy."
You're not crazy, love. Just desperate.
"Desperate for you to leave me alone."
I'm in your head, remember? Stop lying to yourself.
I decide to ignore the voice and go looking for any place that would sell me whiskey. I type liberation junction, our local liquor store, into the GPS.
Stop ignoring me.
The drive from the club to the store is around fifteen minutes, and when I get there, I put on my best confidante posture and walk through the door. The bell jingles as I walk in, but the girl behind the counter doesn't look up. She doesn't look that much older than me. She also doesn't appear to care much about the job she's doing. Her black hair is pulled into a messy bun while her manicured hands hold the magazine she's reading.
This is literally the best case scenario!
I resist the urge to do a happy dance while I walk down one of the two isles in search for Irish whiskey.
My eyes light up when I spot the last one of its kind, sitting all by itself on the thin shelf. I grab the heavy bottle and make my way to the cash desk.
The girl smacks her gum as she gives me a once over. "You're not twenty one." She says in a bored tone.
"Yes I am." I lie.
"ID?" She asks, looking up at me from above her magazine.
"Forgot it at home."
She puts her magazine down after flipping the corner, "Yeah, I really don't care." She mumbles and she takes the bottle from me and scans it. "Twenty five dollars." She says.
I grin and hand her the money in a rushed motion. She looks me over once again before hesitating, "Shits strong for a small person like you."
"It's not for me." She hums and hands me the bottle. "Thanks, have a good night!" I call over my shoulder.
I hear a faint "mhmm" in response.
I've never been so exited to go home before. Like ever. I have dads whiskey, I still have the tips from the other night to give him, and I got a raise. He's going to be thrilled!
And I've only been gone for one night so he probably won't be mad.
The drive home feels like thirty seconds because of how exited I am. The voice doesn't bother me the whole way home.
When I get there, I might as well skip into the house I'm so happy.
Dads gonna be proud of me!
I don't skip, because seeing me excessively happy annoys him, but I do on the inside. Instead I walk into the house.
"Maya?" My dad calls.
"Yeah! You're going to be so proud of me!" I say as I walk into the living room. I sit beside him on the couch, my hands behind my back.
"Do you have the whiskey? Because if not you can go sleep wherever you did last night."
I chuckle and hand him the whiskey from behind my back, "It's Irish. Your favourite." I say, trying to tone down my exited smile.
"I can read." He says, turning the volume up on the TV and refocusing his attention to it.
"Oh."
He casts me an annoyed side glance, "Why are you still here?"
"Well... hold out your hands and close your eyes."
"My patience is running thin." He huffs.
"Oh, okay. Well then I'll just give it to you then." I mutter. I hand him the stack of money I'd made only yesterday, although it feels like ages ago, with a smile that's probably too big for his liking.
He looks at it for a second, then tosses it on the coffee table. "Nice." And he's watching his show again.
"One more thing-"
"Jesus Christ! Cant you see I'm trying to watch the match? What the fuck is so important?" I wince at his loud tone.
"Never mind. It's okay, it wasn't that important." I almost whisper. A contrast to his almost yell.
"No, I want to know what's so fucking important that you have to bother me, three fucking times while the game is on."
"I- I uhm-" I stutter, looking for the right words to not set him off.
"Spit it the fuck out." He says through his teeth.
"I got a raise today, at the club, so you can buy the good cigarettes now."
"Cool." He turns his attention back to the TV. What remained of my smile falls. Tears of disappointment sting my eyes as I get up and walk back to my room.
"Oh!" He calls out, "before I forget, take tomorrow off. Stefan called, said he wanted you from eleven to eleven."
That's when every last hope I'd had for my father flies out the window. "Ok." Is all i can whisper, but even with the small word, my voice cracks.
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. It's like I forget that he isn't the same dad he was before mom.
He used to ask me about my day.
He used to get up and go to work.
He used to drink coke. Not snort it.
He used to care.
He used to love me.
But now he doesn't and I have to get used to that. I have to get used to the fact that the clear liquid he drinks in the morning isn't water. That I work four jobs to keep the house. That he hates me so much, he brings me to Stefan for money.
I heave a heavy sigh, for what feels like the hundredth time today and make my way to my room. The living in Ilion is cheaper than most New York towns so I'm fortunate enough to have my own room, although it's the only attribute.
I call in at the library, telling them my dog died then email Ana, because I don't want to deal with her yelling at me over the phone. I told her I'm throwing up and probably will be all night That way I'll have a second day to recover after Stefan's if I need it.
I take a quick shower and before I know it, I'm in bed, ready too fall asleep again.
☄︎⋆ ༘
Y'all need to get ready for the next chapter because holy shit.
Anyway, can we get a round of applause for the girl in the liquor store? 👏👏👏