Toge opened his eyes in a panic. Looking around at his surroundings, it took him a moment to realize where he was. That's right, he and Yuta had hung out, but when did they go to bed? The cushions of the fabric couch were warm against his skin; it was then that Toge realized he was still shirtless.
It had been an odd request from Yuta, but Toge didn't mind. Yuta had bony shoulders that were difficult to lean on, but there was a perfect spot between Yuta's bicep and shoulder blade.
While they were cuddling, Toge had the thought of sleeping in the bed next to him, but that would have probably been too much. If Yuta had wanted the blonde in the bed, then Toge would have happily obliged. Toge wondered if he had fallen asleep during the movie; that was likely. All the antics of the night had taken a toll on him by the time the first movie was over. Hopefully, that wouldn't deter Yuta from wanting to do the movie nights.
Toge stood quietly. The best thing he could do was wait for Yuta to wake up. In the meantime, the blonde would try to find Yuta's coffee maker; surely a server had one. Toge tiptoed across the room, only taking a brief break to admire Yuta's silent sleeping. He was so peaceful when he slept.
Upon opening the door, Toge was greeted with the smell of cooking ham and gentle hints of coffee beans. There was crackling from the kitchen and as his ears finally adjusted to being awake, he heard a violent popping noise. Was someone cooking in the apartment? Did Gojo really intrude again?
When Toge made it to the kitchen, he saw Yuta standing in a black t-shirt and heather gray joggers with a white string. He was so focused, so oblivious to Toge's presence. Was he making them breakfast? Of course he was; Yuta would pull out all the stops when it came to someone spending the night. A class act.
When their eyes finally met, Toge saw the shimmer in the endless oceans that were Yuta's irises. His black oil-slick hair hung to the side of his porcelain face. His lashes were long and thick, with no need for any eyeliner to make them appear fuller. The golden sunlight painted every crease as he stood unready to be recognized. If he were made of crystal or some other fine-cut precious gem, it couldn't capture Yuta as well as he captured himself. Every facet of him was glossy with glitter for skin.
"Toge!" Yuta exclaimed with a shocked expression.
"H-" Toge tried to speak.
Either Yuta didn't hear him or ignored it, "Good morning! I didn't expect you to be up so soon. You were out like a light when I checked on you this morning."
What did he check? Toge imagined Yuta holding a finger under his nostrils to see if he were breathing. Or there was the possibility Yuta checked his pulse; the thought of Yuta's touch causing a tingling on the blonde's wrist. Regardless of how he checked, at that moment, Toge couldn't speak.
"T-" Toge said.
Yuta's eyes briefly dilated but returned to normal. He definitely noticed that time. Why was this happening? Why, after an entire night of speaking, would he lose it?
"If you want to get dressed, you can. Uh! But you don't have to! I just meant if you want to," Yuta stumbled through speaking while cooking.
"Sh-" Toge tried one last time.
He retreated to Yuta's room and found the bag with clothes in it. They were nowhere near as casual as Yuta's, but they would have to work. The night before was the first time anyone had heard Toge speak. He knew that. What he wasn't prepared for was the progress to fade away overnight. He opened his mouth again but couldn't even make noise at that point.
Was that it? What was his body trying to tell him? Yuta would notice fairly soon that Toge wasn't speaking again. Would the man resent him for it? The possibilities were infinite. Only a few people would know why: his parents and Gojo specifically.
Toge found his phone, halfway dressed with his pants on and his shirt dangling from his neck. He opened his contacts and scrolled. Who was the best person to ask? His mother was the one who advocated the most for him to look for another mute person – she was always bringing up different women and occasionally a man who she knew didn't speak. His father seemed like the next obvious choice, but even he had his setbacks.
Toge saw a text from his father, "Hey, are you coming to the meeting today?" followed by, "Are you sick? I can have someone bring you stuff if you are."
His father was always the stoic type, so when he became more caring, it was always off-putting. They shared many weird moments of vulnerability. The first voice Toge remembered hearing was his father's, standing over him as he played with a nanny. He didn't know if there was a rule against everyone speaking around the house or what, but that was the distinct and clear memory he had.
"Son," Toge's father's voice was clear and deep even in the man's memory.
Toge sent a text back, "Dad, sorry. I meant to text you that I was going to be away today. But something came up that I need to talk to you about."
His father sent a quick message back, "It's okay. I pinged you thirty times. What's up? I'm alone; you can call."
"I'm not at a place where I can," Toge replied.
"Are you okay? Where are you?" his father said.
"I'm okay. I think. I don't know. I am with a-" Toge paused, trying to think about how to refer to Yuta, "I am with a friend. I was able to speak to him some last night, but it's gone."
"You were able to talk? Out loud? Was it Gojo?" His father sent questions in rapid succession.
"No, a new friend," Toge replied.
"Who are his parents? Are they Zen'in? Was it from that group Satoru is always on about?" His father asked.
"No, not one of the Zen'in. He isn't from blue blood. Yeah, we met in a group, but Dad, why can't I talk?" Toge sent the message and pulled the shirt over his head.
"I don't know. I don't know why you could in the first place. How long have you known each other? A year? Why haven't we met?" His father asked.
"No, only a few weeks. Like, two," Toge said.
"Really?!" His father sent back.
"Yeah, I don't know why either. I just kind of did," Toge left out details to avoid further questioning.
"Honestly, I don't know. Nerves maybe? Anxiety? Maybe it was a fluke? You should talk to Gojo," his father said.
Instantly after that, Gojo sent a text, "Your dad said you could talk to Yuta? Really?"
The white-haired man may have been intrusive and odd, but he was a psychologist. "Yeah. Now I can't."
"Is this related to Geto?" Gojo asked.
"Yes. He was here. I yelled. Then I could talk the whole night. Just one word every so often but still."
"Huh. Sounds like a stress reaction to me. Your brain must have clicked off and let you do what you wanted to. You did want to, right? Yuta didn't make you?" Gojo asked.
"Yeah, I mean, I needed to. He was crying and Geto was just being... himself. So I told him to leave," Toge said.
"How is Yuta?" Gojo asked.
Toge rolled his eyes, "He's fine. Making breakfast."
"Oh, good. I'm glad. I think he needs some space from me," Gojo said.
"Yeah, sure. I don't know, Gojo. That's between you two. But for now, why can't I talk? This hasn't happened, none of this."
"Well, sounds like you kicked into fight or flight last night. Glad you were there honestly. Now it sounds like you're back to normal. Maybe a little over-stimulated?" Gojo replied.
"Okay, okay. So all I need to do is calm down?" Toge asked.
"I mean, you could. You could just be like this. Your condition is a little hard to anticipate, Toge. Maybe just appreciate the moment? You spoke because you wanted to; isn't that freeing?" Gojo said.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just hope Yuta sees it the same way," Toge said.
"Tell me if he doesn't. I know where he lives," Gojo texted.
Toge laughed, relieved that sound came out. When he left the room, Yuta held two plates with ham, potatoes, and a suspiciously pink sauce in a perfect dollop. He was still smiling. One of the plates was nested in his elbow, and the other rested in his hand. Yuta really was a server.
"Mind taking one of these? I can go get us coffee, how do you take it?" Yuta asked.
Toge signed back, "One sugar, please."
"One sugar? That's all?" Yuta asked.
Toge nodded.
"I guess I am weird then. I like mine as pale as I like my—" Yuta froze mid-sentence. "Uh, yeah, I'll go get those coffees. Mind starting a show? Like a cartoon maybe?"
Toge took the plate and returned to the couch where he slept. It was still warm. He wondered if Yuta would notice, he wondered if he was that warm when they were next to each other. It was just nerves—just anxiety that, for some reason, developed overnight. It was like overnight oats, except instead of a delicious morning breakfast, Toge felt like he wanted to rip out his vocal cords just to prove they were still present. He could wave them around as if to say, "Can't you see? I can talk!"
Yuta returned shortly after with two cups of coffee, "I didn't know if you were the type to eat in the morning right after waking up or if your stomach took some time to move."
"F—" Toge tried again without any surrounding sounds being an excuse for Yuta not to hear.
Yuta froze for a moment without making eye contact, "You know. You don't have to force yourself."
Was he being genuine? His tone was empty as if defeated, but his words could have been taken in any way. Toge's blood was racing. It was too much. Geto, the crying, the movie, his sweet face, it was all too much.
Yuta turned with the smallest of tears in his eyes that could have been mistaken for dew, "I don't want you to ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It's not my place or intention to ever ask that from you."
Toge sighed, falling back on the couch with a dramatic hand sweep across his forehead. What a relief. This reaction caused Yuta to giggle as well, pushing the beads of water into his eyelashes. Toge typically didn't eat immediately in the morning except for the rare occasion. Maybe it was the panic, but Toge was starving.
"I hope you like it all. Nothing special. Something the chef makes me when we have to open together."
Every time Yuta brought up his job, it was in stark contrast to the life Toge had. The blonde knew that. He also knew that Yuta didn't seem to be interested in the Inumaki name. It was odd, most people that Toge had met knew him far before they had met, but with Yuta, it was all new. Did Yuta not look him up before going to his apartment? That was oddly trusting of him, though Yuta seemed to be that way with people considering the invasive pizza man.
It was the oddness that kept Toge interested, at least he thought so. Mercy had become camaraderie, and camaraderie had become something else. Toge took a bite of the lightly browned ham. Was it cooked in bacon grease? The meat was so tender with a subtle spice that delicately blended into the crisped skin. Each bite that followed only built in richness and umami flavors.
"I'm taking it, you like it?" Yuta said.
The black-haired man had only taken a single bite, but the blonde had devoured an entire piece. Toge was suddenly less concerned about his voice and more worried he looked like a pig. He decided to play into it, taking the other slice and holding it in his teeth.
Yuta laughed. That's what Toge wanted to hear. The blonde couldn't stop a smile from creeping across his face, quietly releasing a laugh that only grew in volume until it was silenced by the lack of air in his lungs. Toge didn't know if it was his reaction or the initial gag, but Yuta fell on his back laughing. It was loud, louder than expected, and a bit more high-pitched as it grew.
"Haha! Toge please! You need to breathe, you're going to kill me! Hahaha!" Yuta's laugh dwindled to a giggle as he avoided eye contact with Toge.
Toge flipped himself around on the couch, laying his gasping head into Yuta's lap. The black-haired man wiped the water from his eyes while looking down with a confused face. With one hand, Toge reached upward, sliding it down the side of Yuta's angular face. Toge could feel the warmth as Yuta's face turned red.
It was impulsive, but what wasn't? Toge remained for only a moment to look up at Yuta's sharp jawline and the tip of his nose that was ever so slightly upturned. Toge slid out of the man's lap and returned to eating.
The potatoes were delicious too. They were cooked in some kind of animal fat, most likely the same pork product that the ham was. Each was salted to perfection with a taste that resembled eating from a seasoned flat top. The goal was to shove as much food in his mouth to ignore his own actions.
If Toge didn't think about it, maybe his voice would return. However, taking that course of action meant thinking about it continuously. Why wouldn't it just come back? There was so much to say to Yuta, so many things the man had never heard Toge say.
There was a knock at the door. It was heavy, with knuckles that sounded determined to get in. That wasn't Geto's fist, but who could it possibly be?
"You keep eating, I'll get the door," Yuta said before disappearing from the room.
Toge slapped his palm against his forehead. What was he thinking, pulling a stunt like that? Gojo was right; Yuta wasn't ready for everything. He may have been doing better, but anything was better than suicidal tendencies. Just Geto's visage disturbed the man to the point of breaking down physically. If there was one thing he had learned in the corporate world, it was how to pivot. That was all he needed to do, pivot.
"Yuta, you cook?" The voice at the door was Itadori's.
"I told him not to come, Okkotsu," Fushiguro was with him.
"It's fine, Fushiguro. Thanks for trying. Itadori, I am trying to eat breakfast with..." Yuta's voice trailed off.
"Oh shit. He's still over? Gojo said that some weird guy with freaky beads in his hair came over last night. So, I wanted to see if you were okay," Itadori spoke so loudly, there was something about him that caused Toge the slightest bit of tension.
"Yet again, my bad," Fushiguro said.
"Hey, to be fair, Gojo is here a lot these days. Surprised he wasn't at one of your places," Yuta said.
"He was probably at his main residence?" Yuta asked.
Toge had only ever seen the Gojo mansion once as a child. That was the day that Gojo Satoru had been introduced to him. The man was still quite young then, though he retained his looks; some might say he aged like wine.
The building was three floors, with too many rooms to count and a vast library of books that Toge was sure Gojo had never read. A staff maintained the property, and these attendants were uniquely Satoru's, not the Gojo family's. Ornate tiling made up the floor with iridescent spiraling giving off a rainbow spectrum over the pale blue backdrop. Though, the last time Toge had visited the property had been years prior.
"Dude, it's massive. He has, like, so many bathrooms," Itadori said.
"Why is that what you gravitate toward," Yuta said.
Fushiguro interjected, "That's what Gojo said to me before my first visit. I'm surprised you haven't been."
"Really? Why?" Yuta asked.
Itadori said, "Oh because you're his ne—"
There was a loud slap, then Fushiguro said, "Because he really likes you. We'll get out of your hair, 'kay?"
"I'm his what?" Yuta asked.
Fushiguro grumbled, "It's a secret."
Within a few seconds, the door shut and Yuta returned. Was Yuta Gojo's next of kin? There had to be someone else. Why did Fushiguro know of all people? Itadori at least sounded like Gojo, but Fushiguro seemed to be too grounded to want anything to do with the pale man's personal life. Maybe his sister took a turn for the worse and he needed money? That would be too convenient of an excuse.
"That was weird. I appreciate them checking on me. But, honestly, I feel pretty good," Yuta said.
Toge signed, "You do?"
Yuta took a bite of his food, "Yeah, I mean. I don't know. Something clicked for me last night."
"Wh—" Toge tried to speak again.
Yuta looked down at his hands, "I've been weak. My whole life. Going to the group for the first time was not by choice. It was an obligation. So, I need to be strong."
Toge felt somehow responsible. Did he do something to make Yuta feel small? Touching his face might have been the wrong decision after all. There were so many things he wanted to tell Yuta. Since they had known each other, all he had done was push himself to the edge. It was obvious from the amount of effort the man had put into everything.
Toge signed, "You are not weak."
"I'm not weak? Is that what you said?" Yuta asked.
Toge nodded.
"I appreciate that. It's just been hard, but that was before. I am going to be stronger. For Rika, for Gojo, for Itadori, and for you," Yuta's voice mellowed into a sober smile.
"Me?" Toge was able to mutter the sound.
"Of course for you," Yuta said.
Toge pointed at himself, "You."
"You want to be stronger for me too?" Yuta asked.
Toge nodded. Those weren't the exact words he was aiming for, but they weren't far from the truth. Hearing Yuta talk down about himself, even in the past tense, made Toge uncomfortable—antsy even. Yuta inspired him, Yuta was kind to him, Yuta heard things in him that no one else did. He could explain this in text or in sign language, but it wouldn't be the same—maybe to his parents but not to Yuta. He was from the world of sound. Yuta would be interpreting everything Toge said rather than hearing it in his voice.
"You're so sweet, Toge. You don't have to be stronger for me. I know you've been trying," Yuta said.
Toge signed, "What do you mean?"
Yuta blushed, "I just meant. You are trying to be strong for me. Standing up to Geto when I couldn't. Being friends with me, no questions asked. Ubering."
Toge blushed. Did he really see through everything? The first goal Toge had ever set for himself that wasn't related to work was making Yuta laugh. It came to Itadori so easily that day, and Yuta was just a stone's throw away from this guy who was suddenly so familiar. It was infuriating that someone else could do so little, not even thinking about it, yet do so much.
"Itadori has been helping a lot with my feelings about Rika. I don't know if I told you that," Yuta said.
Itadori was helping? Helping how? Was he spending the night? Making the bed, painting the house, holding Yuta's hand when he got frightened? Toge felt like a fool to think that he was special to Yuta. How could he be? Yuta probably had a picture of Itadori's abs as his contact picture.
"He told me that I needed to start living my life for me. Doing things I wanted to do, rather than trying to do 'right' by Rika," Yuta said.
Toge tried to hide his anxiety behind a smile.
"That's why I wanted you to stay last night. Because I wanted you here. I don't want you to feel like I only need you. I felt like I was cursed by the world or something, but I realized I was just doing it to myself," Yuta was attempting to sound casual, but Toge could hear the whimper in his voice.
Yuta wanted him? But, did he also want Itadori? Why was this suddenly a problem? The night they had spent together was so nice. It had its hiccups, but they were together. There was so much pressure to do the right thing, to do right by Yuta. But, was any of it right?
Yuta planted a hand on Toge's thigh, "I want to be strong for you, because I want to be like you, Inumaki Toge."
Toge blushed and said, "Me?"
"I don't want to sound goofy or anything. I rehearsed this whole thing to myself while you were asleep on me— I mean while you were sleeping. And then again this morning. I couldn't stop thinking so I made breakfast and... I just needed you to know that. I need you to know, to be the first to know, that I am trying to be stronger now and that one of the things I want is to be strong like you. You're incredible.
Toge remained red, "Me?"
"Yes. You, you are incredible, and I want you," Yuta's grasp on Toge's leg strengthened.
What was he supposed to say? What did that even mean? Toge didn't think of himself as strong. He shuddered at the thought of verbal interaction. The blonde wasn't especially muscular. What was Yuta thinking?
"So, yeah. I don't really know what to say now. I didn't think that far ahead," Yuta nervously laughed.
Toge knew, regardless of his own insecurities, he needed to hug Yuta. No, he wanted to. Yuta said it loud and clear, Toge didn't need to nurture him, but the blonde knew he still would.
Toge wrapped his arms around Yuta with complete disregard for the space around them.
"Thanks," Toge heard himself whisper into Yuta's ear.
When he finally released, Toge backed up slowly to gaze at Yuta's face. That was what you were supposed to do with beautiful things, right? Gaze at them.
His eyes were darker blue than Toge thought. He had never stared into something so abyssal yet vibrant. But did they stare back? There was a second, a slight instance, where their faces touched. When they were apart, Toge could see Yuta's mouth slightly agape, he wondered what would happen next. The thought of kissing the black-haired man came. Is that what Yuta would want? Toge didn't know if that was something he wanted. Would it ruin everything if they did?
Toge fell to Yuta's side. It was for the best; Toge didn't want to mess it up. Yuta was too vulnerable. Was that just an excuse? Yuta had the ability to kiss the blonde if he wanted to, and Toge would have welcomed it. The black-haired man said it himself, he was doing what he wanted to do.
The rest of the morning went by rather typically. They did the dishes, watched some television, but Toge knew if he stayed too long he wouldn't want to leave. By mid-afternoon, Toge decided to leave.
"You don't have to go if you don't want to," Yuta said.
Toge didn't want to. Even washing the dishes was nice with Yuta. The black-haired man had splashed him with water which caused Toge to squeal in a way he had never heard. When they just sat near each other, it was calming. Toge could stare at Yuta, distracted by himself all day.
Toge signed, "I don't want to. I just have work tomorrow."
"Maybe on my next day off, I could go to your place?" Yuta asked.
Toge signed, "Text me when you know your schedule. I'll make the time work."
Yuta signed back, "You don't have to."
"I know. But I want to see you again. We have movie night after all," Toge signed back.
Yuta looked confused for a moment, "Could you sign that again?"
"I want to see you again," Toge started to sign it back.
Yuta laughed, "I just wanted you to say it again."
Maybe the kiss wouldn't have been a mistake. There was a shimmer in Yuta's eyes every time, a spark he didn't have weeks earlier. Toge gently punched Yuta's chest.
Yuta giggled, "Okay, well. I will let you know. Tell me when you make it home okay? I don't want to worry."
Toge's phone vibrated; the ride had arrived. With his bag strapped to his back, Toge walked out of Yuta's door and back into the world alone. It felt emptier than before. Was that what the air was like? Stale, with a cooling touch that made every move more uncomfortable than the last?
--
It was only a few days, but Yuta had finally sent his schedule to Toge. On a typical Sunday night, Toge would have been wrapped in a blanket on his couch, watching television, but nothing was typical after Yuta.
Every day Toge regretted not kissing the man. Then it would have been harder to leave him that day. Yuta's next night off would be the date of the next group meeting. Gojo had already sent out a message to everyone that he would be bringing up something a little more "unorthodox." Those were Gojo's words, which meant anything could happen.
Toge texted Yuta, "Want to come to my place after work on Monday? I can work a four-day week and take off Tuesday."
"Would that be okay?" Yuta asked.
"Of course. Depends on when you're off and what we should do," Toge replied.
"I get off at midnight. I am apprenticing on Monday nights. They are slower, so it's easier to practice," Yuta said.
"Midnight? Okay. I might be sleepy, but I can do that for you," Toge said.
"Are you sure? We can just reschedule," Yuta said.
"Yes, I am sure," Toge said.
The stream of text messages had never ended from the moment Toge took a seat in his Uber Friday afternoon. Yuta only took a break when he was at work, but even then he would send a message or two when he could. They hadn't called, which didn't bother Toge too much. While the InuTTS was an option, it wasn't his preferred way to communicate.
Toge opened a new message to Fushiguro Megumi, "Hey, Fushiguro. Are you busy?"
Megumi responded within seconds, "No, why are you messaging me?"
"Can I not just message a friend?" Toge asked.
"Excuse me for not knowing we were friends. I've known you for years, but suddenly you are always with Yuta?" Megumi replied.
"Rather talkative of you," Toge said.
"What do you want?" Megumi responded.
"I was going to ask you to come over right now," Toge said, scowling.
"I'm busy."
"No, you're not. You could be here in minutes in your car," Toge said.
"Why should I? What do you want, Inumaki?"
"I need to talk to someone. I think you are the only one that would understand, or at least hear me out," Toge said.
In truth, Toge was just bored. Asking Yuta to come over when they already had a plan felt too pushy. Fushiguro was always the loner type, no matter how much Gojo tried to push him to be more friendly. Before Yuta and Itadori, Megumi was Gojo's focus. But, after learning he had moved into Gojo's work apartment, more things made sense.
"Fuck. Fine. Give me a sec' to get my keys. Text me your address," Fushiguro responded.
Between him and Maki, Toge felt like he was the most likely to show up when called. Maki had known the blonde for years, but she was a lot more intense and didn't seem like much fun.
As assumed, Fushiguro arrived within a few minutes. His car was a beat-up dark sedan that looked black in some light but a deep purple in others. Megumi was wearing a black jacket that matched his unnaturally spiked hair. He usually wore jeans that were dark washed, but that night he was wearing dark khaki slacks. Did he dress up?
Toge met him in the parking lot, feeling extremely underdressed in his sweatpants and graphic tee. The thought hadn't crossed the blonde's mind to wear anything other than regular clothes. It was Fushiguro's first time over; Toge knew he should have invited Megumi over sooner but never did.
"Nice place," Fushiguro said.
Toge signed, "Thanks, you look nice."
"Don't get it twisted. This was for work," Fushiguro narrowed his eyes.
Toge rolled his eyes and waved for the man to follow him. When they made it to Toge's unit, Fushiguro instinctually took off his shoes. Unlike when Yuta had come over, the apartment was in slight disarray, with a blanket thrown on the couch and a few papers and cups sprawled around the room.
"Didn't clean, huh?" Fushiguro said under his breath.
Toge ignored the man, knowing his usual moody exterior. Unlike most of the group, Megumi was the type to remain silent. Maki and Fushiguro were related, and it showed in their demeanor towards being brutally honest.
"Want a tour?" Toge signed.
"Yeah, sure," Fushiguro said.
If he was trying to be coy, it was definitely working. Toge was mildly annoyed already; that was the reason they never hung out despite them constantly being around each other. From a young age, Fushiguro was exposed to the Inumaki household.
They should have been childhood friends, or at least regular friends. Instead, seeing Fushiguro was always a chore. Whether he wanted to be part of his estranged father's family or not, Megumi was a Zen'in. The politics of their families were complicated and rather boring, but Toge knew that the Fushiguro family was just an offshoot that the Zen'in clan was just waiting to absorb back.
Thinking about their family history made Toge feel like he was in an ancient period where arranged marriages were normal for everyone, not just noble houses. Despite the reality that they had entered the new millennium, the Zen'in family still practiced arranged marriages and married cousins. While it was a little gross to Toge, he just chose not to think about it too hard.
Toge led Fushiguro to his office first. The spiky-haired man took a brief look around before entering. He fixated on the posters and images on the walls.
"This is pretty cool. Is this where you work?"
Toge signed back, "Yeah, and game. I have been hitting a new Skyrim run pretty hard."
"Skyrim? In this day and age? What else do you play, Fallout New Vegas?" Megumi didn't smile, but it was supposed to be a joke.
"Don't call me out so hard. It's a good game. Am I supposed to only play Elden Ring or whatever is new?" Toge signed, spelling each of the games.
Fushiguro signed back, "Just saying. Let's see the next room."
As far back as Toge could remember, Megumi was at Gojo's side. The white-haired man was proficient in sign language, so it made sense that Fushiguro would be as well. Did he practice? Why would he need to practice signing?
They walked into the bedroom, and Fushiguro was instantly interested in the artwork, "Inumaki. I didn't know you got this good."
Toge signed faster, realizing Fushiguro was so well-attuned, "Practice makes perfect, right?"
The bed was unmade, but Megumi didn't seem to notice after gazing at the serpent on the wall. It was the family crest; whether Toge wanted to be part of that family or not, it was part of him.
"You did the shading so well. All of your art has been great. Didn't think it would get to this level," Megumi said.
It felt like a backhanded compliment, but Toge accepted it. Fushiguro walked to one of the walls with clippings of doodles and began to look over them. His usually scowl melted into a content straight face, that might as well have been a smile.
"You still draw Squishy man?" Megumi pointed to one of the characters that looked like a pear.
"Yeah, he's one of my favorites. You came up with him, you should know that," Toge signed.
"Inumaki, why did you invite me over? It's killing me, I need to know," Fushiguro asked.
Toge thought about lying but signed, "I was kind of lonely. Figured I should give someone a call."
"So you ask me and not Okkotsu?" Megumi seemed almost angry.
"I have plans with him tomorrow. So, I figured I should see someone else today," Toge said.
"Oh, so the process of elimination. Awesome. I feel so seen," Megumi said as he rolled his eyes.
"You were my first choice after him. Okay?" Toge signed.
"That isn't any better Inumaki. I'll just go home, okay? Thanks for the tour," Megumi waved his hand.
Toge blocked the door despite being shorter than Fushiguro, "No, wait."
"Why? Want to do all the things you're going to do with Yuta tomorrow with me? Play games, watch a movie, what?" Fushiguro seemed even more bothered by Toge's attempt at explanation.
"I need to talk to you. You are the only person I think who would talk to me about this," Toge signed.
"Tell me, right here, right now."
Toge signed, "I spoke to Yuta. To that guy Geto."
Fushiguro's eyes shrank as if he were punched, "Out loud?"
"Yes. But, I can't anymore. And there's all this stuff with Yuta, I just need someone to talk to. Seeing you hanging out with Itadori was a bit jarring. I realized how standoffish I have been," Toge signed, leaving out his anxiety revolving around Itadori.
"We have been distant. Fine, I'll stay," Fushiguro brushed past Toge and sat on the couch.
Toge sat next to him, "You know you can call me Toge, right?"
"Yeah, I do. Inumaki is just better for me," Megumi said.
"You're still good at reading sign language, I am surprised," Toge signed.
"Well, who else would teach Yuta," Megumi crossed his arms.
"He said it was online tutorials," Toge replied.
"That's what I told him to say. Didn't want you thinking I cared enough about you to retain it," Fushiguro said.
Whether he wanted to or not, Fushiguro had. Toge felt his stomach drop, did he ignore Fushiguro for that long? Sure, they were forced to play as kids, but after middle school, they never talked. They went to the same high school, and Fushiguro never bothered to wave in the hallway.
"I didn't realize. I'm sorry," Toge signed.
Megumi's shoulders fell, "It's fine. What caused you to speak?"
"Straight to the point," Toge signed.
"What? Do you expect me to be here all night? I'm not hourly," the spiky-haired man replied.
"I don't know. Yuta kind of just fell to the floor. It was instinct," Toge said.
Megumi whipped his head to narrow his eyes on Toge. Without moving his hips, Megumi jumped forward and pushed Toge's back against the couch. He stared down at Toge with his emerald green eyes.
"St-" Toge muttered before he stopped himself.
"Huh, figured that wouldn't work," Megumi said, sitting back down.
"What the hell was that?" Toge asked, catching his breath.
"I was just testing your instincts. If you said something, I figured you wouldn't trust me enough not to hurt you. Guess I was wrong. You don't trust me," Fushiguro said.
"I trust you. It's just been a while since someone pushed me down," Toge signed.
"Yeah sure. That's why you looked scared."
"I looked scared because a maniac pushed me against my couch," Toge said.
"Yeah, a maniac. Try the guy who beat the shit out of anyone who even thought about bullying you," Megumi said but immediately blushed.
"Wait, really? You did that?" Toge signed.
"I said I would never admit this. I told myself all these years that no one could know. Yet here I am exposing myself," Megumi said to himself.
"Megumi, you didn't need to do that. I didn't know anyone ever tried to," Toge signed.
"They did. A few. Every year I'd get suspended for a few weeks, but part of the deal was if I stopped beating them, they wouldn't say anything to you," Fushiguro blushed.
"Wow, you are a big softy," Toge signed.
"Shut up. I just couldn't take it. We may not have been close, but it wasn't like I didn't want to be," Megumi said.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Toge asked.
"It's a two-way street, Inumaki. You could have reached out as much as I could have. Plus, Gojo told me you might be transferring out, so I never did."
"Transferring out of high school? What would I have done that?"
Megumi sighed, "He said something about your parents being worried. He didn't want it to be like middle school. You know how protective he is."
Protective was a word for what Gojo was. Another word was intrusive, and another was delusional. But, admittedly, Toge knew Gojo didn't have bad intentions. He was just odd. Though, why was Gojo talking to Megumi regularly?
"I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble, Megumi, really."
"Don't apologize. I did it because I wanted to. Sorry for being so defensive. It's just been a while and I was expecting more, I guess," Megumi said.
"More?" Toge asked.
"I don't know. It doesn't matter. I guess I just didn't know what to expect," Megumi crossed his arms.
Toge blushed, but he didn't know why. Fushiguro expected more? What did he want? Was this some kind of grand reunion to him? Toge felt immediately like scum for not considering the implications of his invitation.
"I appreciate you, Megumi. For everything. For not leaving me alone with Maki in the group," Toge signed.
For a moment, he thought he saw Megumi smile. His eyes must have been tricking him. There was no way that had happened. When he had good days, Fushiguro was still extreme in his scowl.
"Stop. I was just trying to help where I could. Back to what you said, literally. I think that was the first time I have heard your voice since we were kids," Megumi said.
"Did I used to talk?" Toge couldn't remember.
"No, not really. Just sounds from what I recall. Like the beginning of the words," Megumi said.
"Meh-" Toge said quietly.
Megumi blushed, "Yeah, exactly like that. For a while, that's what you called me. Meh. Always sounded like a baby babbling too."
Toge punched the spiky-haired man in the arm, "Meh."
"Glad you can at least get that out with me. Surprised you don't remember."
Toge signed, "A lot happened in middle school. I didn't have someone protecting me, so I was pulled out."
"Guess I should have checked what school I was going to, huh?" Megumi was joking, but his face remained the same.
His jaw was sharp with a narrow body that housed a lot of muscle. Toge could see his pecs outlined by the jacket. His eyes were like gemstones, why had Toge never noticed? Each of them was painted with brilliant greens that seemed like they couldn't be replicated. Toge blushed again, why did Megumi look like that?
"I appreciate you asking me over. Okay? I want that to be clear. Doesn't matter if I am just a substitute for Yuta," Megumi said.
"You aren't a substitute. I just felt weird alone, okay?" Toge signed.
"Why would you feel weird alone? You were alone most of your life."
"Things are different now. Everything feels different," Toge signed.
"What happened?"
"I don't know. There was this moment. Yuta gave me this whole speech. Then he looked at me. It was like he was looking through me," Toge signed dramatically.
With one hand, Megumi grabbed under Toge's jaw. The spiky-haired man looked him in the eyes with his fiery black pupils. They could have melted Toge in that moment, but his resolve kept him solid. Megumi's lips were round with the slightest bit of moisture wetting them to the point of shine.
Toge could feel Megumi's heartbeat through the fingers that gripped the blonde's neck. It was faster than it should have been. Why was Megumi nervous? Toge felt his toes begin to tingle, and his stomach churned. Toge began to panic, why were they both so nervous.
"Was it like this?" Megumi asked.
Toge's spine quivered as the tanner man's guttural voice resonated.
Megumi bent his body forward, pressing Toge's body into the couch. Their eyes never broke contact. Filaments of jade and sage glistened in Megumi's eyes in the lamplight. His scowl softened again, but he didn't say any words.
Megumi's eyes said everything for him, "Hi, I am Fushiguro Megumi. You never realized how attractive I was until now."
Toge shivered in response to the fictional voices in his head.
The blonde's eyes must have spoken too. Megumi moved in close; their faces touched as the leather couch squeaked. Megumi's skin was so smooth; his face was warm. Toge felt his breathing grow shallow.
Megumi whispered, "Was it like this?"
Toge didn't respond, just made an unintelligible sound.
Megumi's lips touched his. They were warm like him. Toge's jaw seized with an anxious tremor. They kissed. It had to have been for a few minutes, but they kissed and kissed and kissed again. Megumi's jacket ended up on the floor, revealing the tan man's hairless, shirtless chest.
Why was this happening? What was happening? Toge took his shirt off as well, feeling his skin connect with the leather of the couch. Why Megumi? Why now? Megumi pressed Toge's hand into the couch, holding the other tightly to the blonde's shoulder.
Then, Megumi stopped moving. He simply looked down at Toge. His eyes washed over the blonde's bare chest, and they were cold. Toge's sternum shivered with his spine as he tried to catch his breath.
"That's enough for tonight," Megumi said, releasing Toge.
The blonde didn't know what to do. He couldn't react. Was this always in them? There was never a connection, but then there was. Toge's wrists ached for restraint as the blonde sat up, bug-eyed and confused.
Megumi pulled his jacket over his head, "Okay, Toge. I'll see you at the group."
The spiky-haired man left within seconds, meanwhile Toge was still reeling from the encounter. His breathing grew faster; did he need to tell Yuta? Did anyone need to know? Did he want to tell anyone?
Toge couldn't wave goodbye before Megumi vacated the apartment. Another time? Toge found himself wondering. Yuta had been the goal, but Megumi was already making moves. Toge curled his legs into his chest; what would Yuta think of him?
With no end in sight, Megumi felt like an easy option. His moves were cold and calculated, like a sexy computer that knew all the right buttons to press. Would Yuta even care? Seemed like he was spending plenty of time with Megumi, Itadori, and various others Toge didn't know. There was just something about keeping it a secret from Yuta that was wrong.
When Toge thought about Yuta, all he could see was infinite possibility. Why didn't he just kiss Yuta? He could have known. Toge could still feel Yuta's hand in his; he could feel his ocean blue eyes; he could smell the scent of his cologne mixed with sweat. But Toge could still taste Megumi's lips.