Sighing deep through impatient lips, Tiff unlocks the garage door of the house and lets herself in. Her keys jingle just as anxiously as she does.
The new Cain household isn't exactly new or clean. A month after they moved in, the tables and counters are already covered in years' worth of debris and the pictures on the walls are a little askew. It means that this is home, and home is a farmhouse on the edge of town.
She checked for the car in the driveway. It wasn't there, which was to be expected. She isn't sure where Aunt Zlob is, but she knows her Aunt Esther is at work at Jaded Paradise and Drew is doing the receptionist thing at one of the two auto shops in town. As long as she can avoid Andy and Jeb Jr., who should be out of the house and doing teen things during their summer vacation, she should be able to quickly pack a bag, leave a note on the kitchen table, and leave the way she came. She's used to treating her home like the scene of a crime.
Entering through the garage is just an extra precaution. If anyone is home, they're probably in the living room, not the kitchen. It's easier to sneak behind them than to enter in their direct line of sight. Half-thinking of her plan, half-thinking of ghosts in general, she leaves her boots by the kitchen door and heads inside. She'll just have to leave a note on the kitchen table before she leaves and then turn off her phone. That's a perfect plan and nothing will go wrong.
She steps into the living room and rounds the corner to the stairs. Unfortunately, she immediately knows she isn't alone in the house.
She is met with the somewhat horrific, but now familiar true form of her step aunt. The slug-like alien descends the creaking stairs, holding a book in front of her with one of her gelatinous tentacles. One of her eye stalks focuses on the book while the other guides her along the railing.
Zlob stops and turns both eyes to the half-paralyzed figure of Tiff at the bottom of the stairs. "Greetings, dear Tiffany May. How does the day treat you?"
"Uh— fine," she stammer-lies, leaning on the wall like that's a normal thing to do. "Everything's good."
Everything most certainly isn't good. She's already thinking about ghosts, which is an odd rabbit-hole to be going down. Plus, Aunt Esther's going to be upset when she inevitably finds out what happened at the golf course. Absentmindedly in all that nervousness, she fiddles with the wrong ring on her left hand— the one shaped like a skull and stars, instead of the plain white band on her middle finger.
Zlob's eye stalks lean forward towards Tiff, looking at her from every angle. A quiver passes through the alien's jello-like body and Zlob slithers closer to her step-niece. "It appears you are being deceitful, beloved human. Your heart rate has increased and your sweat glands have activated when the house is kept at a very optimal temperature. I will not force you to tell me, but know that I care greatly for you. I shall, as you say, become all ears."
"I am not sweating," she protests, like that helps at all.
Tiff's alien aunt's body rapidly begins to reshape itself, with some very unpleasant and wet noises coming from it. After a moment, Zlob stands before Tiff in her human form and smiles very widely. A little too wide. It's a very presidential too-many-teeth framed by violet curls.
Her voice comes out softer in this form. "I just wish to ensure your well-being. You are one who trouble seems to have very little of itself finding."
"Nothing's wrong!"
"If I must consume someone and digest their meaty bodies, just direct me."
"Nobody did anything." This time. Nobody did anything this time.
She could ramble on and on. She sees those too-many-teeth in her aunt's mouth and wants to spill everything toward them. It's a function of having another mother figure: you just want to tell her shit. Thoughts on haunting and marriage and the entire country of Canada could spill out of her until she loses them between the books on the shelves and the paint staining her left sock. It's nice to be cared for. It's also terrifying.
"Nothing's wrong," she repeats, like it's going to convince her, too. All the while, she twists the ring. "I'm just going to go upstairs for a minute. And then not be upstairs."
Zlob nods her human head. She pats Tiff on her human head. "Secrets are to be given if and only when you choose, dear Tiffany. My offer will always stand to devour any and all of your enemies for their many nutrients."
She isn't sure what to say to that. Zlob is pretty much the only person who threatens to eat people Tiff's having trouble with. It has taken less getting-used-to than she thought it would. "Thank you. I genuinely appreciate it."
"Of course you do. Now, I must go to the store to collect ingredients for... a rizz o toe."
"A risotto?"
"A rizz o toe. It requires a foot flavored cheese. Most delicious!"