I'm barely through the front door when Mari and Alice burst into the hallway. Their eyes narrow, Alice's hands perched on her hips. From deeper in the house, I hear the fire crackling and spitting. The lights are low, and the orange glow creeps into the darkness of the reception room.
"Where the hell have you been?" Alice hisses, the shadows hollowing out her gaunt cheeks. My body is aching. Tiredness is creeping into my bones and despite Davey Taggart's insistence that he wouldn't hurt me, the fear hadn't fully subsided until he'd said his civil goodbyes as I climbed out of his car. I still felt shocked about what had happened. And I suspect it was only my numbness that was keeping me from falling apart completely.
"Mum and Dad were going crazy. I covered for you."
"Where are they now?"
"They had some charity thing. Mum almost refused to go, but they think you're at Tara's."
I mumble my thanks and stumble forward, heading to the staircase. I had an idea, a vague notion of where Owen could be, but I had nothing left to find him now. And at this late hour, only a dumb person would try. Tonight I'd sleep, tomorrow I'd search.
"Where were you?" Mari yells as I storm by, avoiding the angry glares from both of them.
"I was getting the condolence book..." Alice grunts and stamps her foot.
"Stop. Lying. I looked at that damn book, which is still in your room, by the way. So what have you actually been doing?"
I reach the bottom of the stairs and lean on the bannister. I turn to my sister, and see nothing but anger and coldness on her face. Like grief had stripped her of all warmth. Or maybe just any warmth she could show me.
"Why do you care? What does it matter to you where I go?" Alice scoffs and walks away, pacing. Mari gives her a glance and takes over this strange intervention.
"Calla... something is going on. I called Tara. I have no idea what you have on her, but she was clearly lying and clearly terrified. Are you seeing him again?"
Alice jerks and turns around.
"Seeing who?"
"Mari..." She waves me away, shaking her head in disappointment.
"She won't admit it, but last year Calla was seeing someone. She kept sneaking out. Telling Mum and Dad she was at Tara's when she was really with him."
Alice turns to me, eyes burning with fury.
"My boyfriend died. Damien was murdered and instead of grieving, which is what I should be doing, I've been worrying about you when all you've been doing it meeting some boy?"
"You don't know anything. Neither of you. You don't know anything about it!" I twist, my blood burning, and storm up the staircase.
"You're such a brat."
"Why don't you just say it? Go on, Alice." I twist on the step, meeting her scornful face with a fury of my own. "You're angry with me because Damien died and not me. That's what's supposed to happen, right? I die and then life can go back to normal and you get to be in the centre of attention again? Well, I'm so sorry I messed up your plans by staying alive. Don't worry, it probably won't be for long." I scream, and my body slumps until I'm sitting on a stair, my fingers clawing at the thick carpet. I'm too angry, too confused to argue more.
Both Mari and Alice look horrified by my outburst, but I hold their gaze defiantly. Mari's face softens and Alice sees the change, her own melts in defeat. Alice's lips part, her eyes glisten with tears, and then she exhales, her arms wrapping around her chest.
"I've never wanted you to die. Never. But you're right... I've spent the last thirteen years watching you get sicker, watching the doctors fail over and over again and yes... a part of me had been preparing to lose my little sister one day. And I never thought I'd lose Damien, and I'm confused and I've never felt so out of control, and... Owen's still out there. The monster who killed Damien is still out there. I can't deal with this. I can't deal with you."
"He's not a monster." I snap before I can stop myself. Alice says nothing, just looks confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. I'm going to bed." I try to drag myself up, but it takes too long and the wheels in Alice's mind are already spinning.
"Calla... what's going on? What do you know about Owen?"
Mari whimpers, a hand going to her mouth and I groan.
"Oh god... it's him, isn't it? The boy you were seeing last year? It was Owen Kincaid?" Mari whispers. Alice shakes her head, laughing in disbelief, and then she sees my expression. The laughter stops. "That's what you've been doing. You've been disappearing for days. You're helping him, aren't you?"
"What is she saying, Calla?" Alice's face is contorted in horror. My lips part, but then I say nothing. And with all the energy I have left run to my room, my sister's yelling my name as I go.
***
I try to sleep, but I can't. Thoughts swarm around in my head like insects. Everything I'd learned about Owen, about my dad, all of it - every part of my life felt unstable, like I was walking across a lake of ice and at any moment it could shatter beneath my feet. A part of me felt like I was already drowning in the freezing water. Sighing, I sit up in the darkness, untangling my device so I can finally admit defeat and speak to Alice. I need to explain, but I didn't think she'd believe me. I was certain she wouldn't. But I had to try.
Yawning widely, I pad across my room. Opening my door, the light from the hallway blinds me, but before I can step a foot further, I see Alice sitting on the floor, staring at my now open door. I stand there, staring at her in surprise. Watching her toes curl in fluffy socks.
"How long have you been sitting there?"
"About forty-five minutes. I wasn't really sure you wanted to hear from me."
My lips part as I start to protest and then stop because she's right, but she's also wrong.
"I was coming to you. I need to explain."
She nods and pulls herself up in a graceful motion. Her golden hair is piled messily on her head. She wraps a cardigan tighter around her and walks into my room. Awkwardly, she looks around, thinking the same as me, I'm sure. It's been a long time since she'd been here. A long time since we'd been sisters close enough to spend time in each other's rooms. Sighing, she sits on the bed as I follow her back in.
"Why didn't I know about you and Owen? You never said anything. Did Damien know?"
I sink into the desk chair by my desk and switch on the lamp. The measly light lifts the darkness of the room, but only a little. Her eyes are still glistening, the dark rings under her eyes even more pronounced.
"Nobody knew. Well, except for a couple of Owen's friends. Mari guessed I was with someone, but she didn't know it was Owen. Until now..."
"You said he didn't kill Damien." She flinches as she utters his name like she's been struck. Like the word is painful. "How do you know that?"
"Because he told me he didn't. And he had no reason to."
She purses her lips, searching carefully for her next words.
"He attacked Damien just weeks before. He sure as hell had a motive, then?"
"Damien stole drugs from him..."
"I know that. That's what everyone says. Sounds like a motive to me."
"No, you don't understand. It's more complicated than that... it involves me."
Her lips part to speak but I shake my head, halting her before she can utter.
"It doesn't matter. It's not why Damien was murdered. I don't know why he died or who killed him. But it wasn't Owen."
She sniffs, curling her knees closer to her chest. Tucking her long limbs close as if she could shrink into her own skin. Her chin is now on her knees.
"If it wasn't Owen, then who? Dad's adamant it was him."
I lean against the desk, my body feeling heavy. I trace my fingers across the wood. My mind goes back to Taggart's office. To the photos on the wall. To a whole history of my family I knew nothing about. I sigh.
"Dad isn't interested in finding out who killed Damien. Not really. Owen works for Taggart, and he thinks if he can get Owen to talk about Taggart's operation in exchange for less time, he'll finally have the evidence he needs to put him away."
"He's always been trying to arrest him. But Dad is always going on about evidence and process. If he didn't have the evidence, he wouldn't be after Owen. Taggart or no Taggart."
I swallow hard. Meeting Alice's confused eyes.
"And if it involved any other criminal, you'd be right. But Taggart isn't just another criminal. Dad knew him when they were teenagers."
Alice groans, her frustration growing. She glances up at me, waiting for more.
"And?"
"They were in a relationship." Alice's eyes widen and then she leans back against the wall. "After Nan died, Dad helped the police put away half the criminals in the Heights. Including Taggart. But I don't think it ended between them, not emotionally anyway."
"I don't even... I don't even know what to process first. How do you know all this?"
"Taggart told me. Oh... and he's Owen's biological dad. He thinks me and Owen are written in the stars, soulmates... A second chance for him and Dad."
She's staring at me, open-mouthed.
"Oh god, this is crazy. All of it. And do I even want to know how you managed to get an audience with the most dangerous man in the city?"
"Probably best not to ask," I mumble and she laughs.
"My head hurts."
I giggle, and somehow we're laughing together. I'm not sure we've done more than smile politely at each other for years.
"Yeah... my head's been throbbing for days."
"None of that has anything to do with Damien's death, does it?" I shake my head and she closes her eyes tight.
"I don't think so. The truth is... the more questions I've asked, the less I can work out what happened to Damien. Everyone is just taking advantage of his death, one way or another, but I can't find anyone with a real motive. Or any evidence linking anyone to it."
She bites her lip. And slips her phone out of her pocket.
"I didn't tell anyone. Dad was so adamant it was Owen and it was about the drugs... I didn't want anyone to know... Damien didn't deserve his name dragged through the mud any more than it already has been." I sit up sharply, seeing the mix of sadness and shame on Alice's face. She wipes a tear from her eye. "I broke up with Damien a few days before he died."
"Alice... I didn't know."
She taps on her phone, her bottom lip quivering as she bites down hard. Sniffing, as she fights even more tears.
"Someone sent me this." I frown and move closer till I'm sitting beside my sister on the bed. She holds out the phone and I take it. A dark, hazy video currently on pause fills the screen. "There was something odd about it, when I got the message... do you remember Delilah? When she got all those weird messages?"
I nod.
"Damien's friend?"
"Yeah, well, she said someone was sending her the worst things, but... after she read them, they were deleted so she couldn't do anything about it. So when I saw it... I don't know, I just knew. I recorded it with an old phone whilst I was watching it. And I was right. It was the same. It was deleted from my phone right after. I don't know who it came from."
I press play, and the grainy, shadowy clip plays. It takes me a few seconds to understand what I'm seeing, and when I do, my stomach twists. I look up at Alice as the light from the screen turns her sad, pale face blue. She nods at me. Damien's on the screen. I can make out his face, his form as he lies on a bed in a small, dark room. His eyes are dazed, barely focused. I don't need to ask why. He's on something. The second form moves before the camera, blocking the view for a moment, and then slips under the covers with him. The angles are all wrong, and I can barely make out either of them. But it's not hard to see what they're doing.
"Alice... I... shit."
Alice flinches at the sounds of low moans and flesh, that seem to echo in my empty room. The girl's body arm slips out from under the sheet, a series of angry marks across her wrist. But I see nothing else. I can't see her face. The video ends.
"It wasn't like I didn't know about the drugs. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by what he was doing when he was on them. It was the final straw. I just couldn't do it anymore. After Owen and then the video. I just... he was destroying himself and breaking my heart in the process."
"I'm sorry," I whisper. And she smiles weakly at me.
"I wish I could take it back. If I knew... I didn't stop loving him, I just couldn't watch him kill himself, little by little..."
I lean back, and Alice puts her head on my shoulder.
"Maybe the person who sent you this killed him? What did he say when you showed him?"
"He wouldn't tell me anything. I don't know who sent it. And I don't have a clue who it could be. I'm not sure he even remembered it being filmed." She chuckles. "You know we never... I thought he was just waiting for the perfect time. And the whole time he was sleeping with other people."
I exhale, not sure what else to say I reach out and take her hand.
"I don't think he was bad. I think he was sick. That's what I think." Alice falls silent and we sit there for a long time. The soft sounds of our breathing were the only noise breaking the silence.
"Tell me about him. Tell me about scary Owen." She laughs sadly. "I saw him sometimes when he came to sell to Damien. You did good, little sister."
I chuckle.
"I met him at your Halloween party. He came to sell to Larissa and... well, there was just something there. Something between us. He never judged me. Never made me feel bad for being angry about my heart or expected me to be a certain way. I felt safe with him, not because he was scary Owen but because I didn't have to pretend. I could be scared, or angry, or ungrateful, or hopeless and he never judged."
I crawl away from Alice, digging out the tin I'd found at Owen's. I'd added a few photos of my own, too. I hand Alice the photos even though they're precious. Despite everything that had happened between me and Owen, a part of me is scared to part from them. She flicks through them, smiling. The last photo is of me curled on Owen's chest. There's an ease to our smiles, to our bodies I'm not sure anyone else has ever got to see.
"Did you two...?"
"Yes."
"And of course, my little sister would lose her virginity before me..." she snorts but smiles at me warmly. "I'm glad you got to have this. Whatever happens with your heart, nothing can take it away." I curl closer to my older sister, feeling more connected with her than maybe I ever had before.
"I was happy when I was him. When he ended it, I think it was a loss too many."
Alice tucks a piece of my hair away from my face, her face thoughtful. Then she sighs, sadly
"I need to know, Calla. You said the reason Owen attacked involved you? Tell me what happened. Exactly what happened."