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Part 4: Goodbye
November
*Crying* “Why? Why so sudden? Why now?”
“I’m sorry… we’re all sorry”
“Please tell me that there’s another way. I’ll give up everything”
“I’m afraid that it’s no longer possible”
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I heard Mama outside. I think she’s talking to my doctor. As I heard the words coming from behind the door I started crying. Now, I had appendicitis. How brutal! I tried to be good. I tried.
*creeeek*
Mama opened the door. I saw her fake smile. I know it’s fake. She’s hiding … I saw her eyes, she’s crying inside. She sat beside me. I know she’s in deep pain.
“Mie… be strong okay? I love you.”
“Ma… I know I only have a 50-50 chance to survive. Whatever happens Ma let me tell you I love you. You, Papa, my brothers and sisters, and my friends. I love you all. I lived this long and I’m happy to see the beauty of the world to feel the cold breeze, the sunny sun, to love, be loved, to study in a school, to play and have fun. I don’t have any regrets Ma. I know God has a reason why I’m in this situation. At least He gave me a family that loves me.”
“Thank you dear, *sob*” she hugged me. I hugged her back.
“Your operation will start at 1. I know you’ll make it. I trust you. I love you.” She kissed me on my forehead.
“Bye dear. Rest now.” She went out.
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I pulled a piece of paper from the desk and a pen which Ma left earlier. I wrote the names of the people who made me happy in my life and I hope they won’t forget me if I didn’t make it. I never regret being with them. Even with the people who treated me as nothing because I know each one of them has a role to play.
I’m done writing. I now wonder how they are now. Oh yeah, they’re gonna graduate soon and so was I too if I don’t have to be sick. Now I missed school. I’m so weak. My hands are cold. I’m so pail.
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I put the paper under my pillow. I wanna dream of the people listed here. I wanna remember them and all the memories of them with me. I hope God will let me remember them when I’m now gone in this world. I hope they will also remember me, remember Mie Aranzado who became a mere part in their life.
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It was the time of my operation. No matter what happens I’ll accept it. I trust God with this.
I woke up. I survive the operation. My Mama and Papa were so happy. I saw their smiles by the time I opened my eyes. They both hugged me. I was so happy. God gave me time to tell them how much I love them.
My sisters and brothers hugged me tight too. They were there but my friends weren’t there. Maybe they didn’t know. I keep secrets from them and the time they will find out will be a week or so. I don’t want them to be so worried because of me.
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“Ma… I need to go to the CR.”
“Ok…”
I want to go there. I don’t know why my body wants me to go there. Is it because I just want to pee or I’m just paranoid?
“Are you sure you’re ok in there? Don’t close the door ok?”
“Ok Ma.”
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It was quite. It’s cold. It seems I was facing death. I flushed the toilet and went to the door. Then, I slipped. I hit my head hard.
At just a second it went dark.
No sound
No image
I know it’s cold
But I can’t feel anything
It’s empty
Total darkness…
It was my Time