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Part 1: Reminisce
*Crying* “Why? Why so sudden? Why now?”
“I’m sorry… we’re all sorry”
“Please tell me that there’s another way. I’ll give up everything”
“I’m afraid that it’s no longer possible”
*SILENCE*
*drop*
*drop*
*drop*
---------1---------------------
Tears…
Tears…
Tears…
I’m weak. I am, been confined to this hospital for months now. I’m along. I only wish I could be the old Mie Aranzado. The girl who can walk, play, goes to school and talk often. Happy, loving someone, felt loved by the people around and never been left behind.
Of the four corners of this room hides all the pain that I suffered.
Pain? Is it really pain?
Or should I say loneliness?
---------2---------------------
I badly want to go to school, get out of his white imprisonment but I’m damn weak. My skin’s now pail, my lips are now dry, my eyes are now red I think since I cried every minute of the hour because of reminiscing the past I once happily had, there’s a dextrose attached to my right hand, I heard the wind whispering. This room is full of silence, the window’s always close because of the air condition, there was a flower vase at my left side and I saw in front of me the image of the crucifix. Am I near? Am I ready to face death? Well yes I am since I’ve known my sickness 2 years ago.
---------3---------------------
I had appendicitis and cancer to my ovaries. What a brutal way to suffer. This is insane. Life’s insane. There are at least 10 billion people in the world and I’m the lucky one to have this. What a sarcastic description. Because that cancer I lost both my ovaries, I was already dead that time. I can’t bear a child anymore. So much suffering to endure! What did I do? Is there anything I’ve done wrong? Am I bad? Am I like those criminals to suffer such consequences?
---------4---------------------
I wish I could go back to the past.
I want to.
I badly do.
I’m lonely.
No one visited me except for my parents and siblings.
I’m the eldest one.
I have two sisters and two brothers
I want to see them now.
I want to see my friends in high school.
I wanna see Aileen, Jonna, Kem and especially Reign.
*drop*
Another tear again. Stop it. It hurts. I hate this feeling of emptiness. I don’t wanna be alone anymore.
---------5---------------------
This is now my third operation on my appendix. If I survive, I merely have more time that we least expected but it’s a 50-50 chance of survival. No one came to support me or maybe they didn’t know. I never had communication with them since I’ve transfer to another school.
---------6---------------------
Once I enrolled to a Christian School when I was a first year High school student. There I met Aileen, Jonna and Kem, my classmates. They became my friends when I was only a freshman. They accepted me as who I am. That time my sickness didn’t trigger. Weeks passed, one girl came to talk to Aileen. She was very friendly to my eyes when she noticed me looking at her while smiling she smiles back, that time I knew I found another friend. Her name was Reign, same age as I am but she was in the 1st section where all intelligent ones are. Since then I always go talk to her much about anything, family problems, and lessons in school and mostly on love life whenever we meet even though we’re in separate classrooms. She was a best friend, a sister and an adviser.
“I really want to help my parents someday, that’s why when I’ll be in college I’m going to be a working student so that Mama and Papa will not suffer much.” Reign promised. I know her now. The inner her, I’ve seen her cry on stupid things, I’ve seen her anger, her smiles, I’ve heard her laughter, I’ve heard her saying bad words, I’ve seen her suffering, I’ve seen her in love, I’ve seen her be a fool in herself and most of all I’ve seen her care, for me, to her friends, to her and to strangers.
“Yeah… I do too! I want you to be with me. The two of us shall graduate together, tour the world, look for the perfect guy, I’m going to be your Bride’s maid! Let’s promise!” I smiled at her. That was my promise, our promise.
“PROMISE! There’s no letting go!” then she hugged me. Her warm embrace… It was more than my boyfriend’s hug.
---------7---------------------
I enjoyed being with her. She also enjoys being with me even though I’m a weird friend.
One day. She went to me. When she’s already in front of me she started to cry and she hugged me. I was shock and worried. I know that when she’s crying, she’s in deep pain.
“M-Mie.” She slowly spoke.
“Huh? What’s that?” she broke the hug and sat down. We’re at the garden at the back of the high school building. Then she pulled up her long sleeves and there I saw bruises ad belt marks. Oh no not again.
“Oh my… Your Papa again? What happened this time?”
“My brother… whenever my brother does stupid things it will always be my fault. Am I bitchy? Am I bad? Tell me?”
“No you’re not… you’re a good friend. He’s just misunderstanding the scene between you and your brother. It’s ok.”
---------8---------------------
She’s weak when it’s all about her family. She always says that she’s okay with it that she’s used to it. That her father keeps on hurting her for the sake of her younger brother Neil. I just want her to know that her father loves her that she’s hurt of the things her father said. I felt bad. Actually my parents disciplined me but not in this way that you don’t have mistakes but still in their eyes you have.
“You’re my true friend Mie. Don’t leave me behind. Please?”
“I won’t… I won’t.”
---------9---------------------
It was my sophomore year. I felt that Aileen, Jonna and Kem had eyes on Patrick Jesryl Orean but I know Reign fell for this guy since freshmen. I don’t know why she felt for this guy? Maybe he’s talented and intelligent just like Reign’s characteristic?
Aileen was kind, also a true friend. I like her for being so nice that she never show anger or weakness.
Jonna is a pretty girl, a strong one, like a wrestling diva. Still she’s soft hearted when you’re close to her.
Kem, I don’t know the correct description for her but I wanna be clear that she became a companion.
---------10---------------------
My second year in high school has ended and that was also same time that I knew of my condition. First, there was an infection in my ovaries that’s why my menstrual period is 5 months delayed. At first I thought it was normal because I’m only 13 that time but when my Mama decided to take me to a doctor for a checkup… that’s when I found out that my ovaries are weak to produce. I was sad… afraid. I started crying the night I knew.
“Mie… ammmm. Sorry, but I need to transfer you to a public school.”
“What?” I was shocked. That means I could no longer see my friends.
“It’s for the best. We need money for your operation and your father can’t afford to enroll you in a private school. Besides there’s no tuition fee to be worried about and it’s near here. Just try to adapt to your environment. Your operation is scheduled after 5 months. Be strong. You’re Papa and I will figure this out. Ok?”
*nod*
Mama wet out.
*drop*
---------11---------------------
I don’t wanna transfer. I don’t wanna. I went out. Nothing… it feels like my body wants me to go out and catch the glimpse of the night.
I’m outside and there I saw my boyfriend buying in a sari-sari store. I approach to him. He seems shocked.
“Oh? Why are you out? I thought you’re asleep.” caring as ever. He was my first boyfriend and my first love, but I can’t tell him about my sickness. I don’t want him to be worried about me. I love this guy so much.
“I just want to stay here for a moment.” I then comb his messy hair with my hand. He’s house is just beside mine and since I was just a kid I already knew him. He went to my house sometimes to play and when we grew up he told me that he loves me from the moment we’ve met. That was so sweet of him. :”>
“Ohh… hmmm, wanna talk?”
“Gladly!”
And so we talk about life. How time runs fast. Sometimes I wonder that what if I could go back in time when will be the time that I wanna go back? I wanna feel the past again. I want to.
Then I felt a tear on my cheek. My boyfriend noticed it so he wiped it with his right thumb. I smiled at him.
“Don’t cry… I love you.”
“I love you too!” he hugged me tight.