I’M AN 18 YEAR OLD COVID 19 POSITIVE
Yes, you read it right.
An 18 year old lady named, Autumn Altamirano. Tss. How pathetic. I’m just 18 but why me? Bakit ako ang dinapuan? Did I do something wrong? I’m fcking healthy for God’s sake!
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They bought me in a huge hospital with full of patients suffering with this pandemic. Walang emosyong nakaupo lamang ako sa wheelchair, not until I enter the entrance door.
Pity.
The exact word that I’m feelin’ right now. Seeing those people cry and beg for their lives made me so weak. Tears began to fall but I immediately wiped it. Kahit na nawala na ang basa sa aking pisngi dala ng pagluha, hindi ko mapigilang maawa para sa sarili ko. Dahil alam ko, one of these days, magmamakaawa rin ako tulad nila.
My private nurse pushed the wheelchair on my room.
Hindi nila pwedeng makita na umiiyak ako. Ayokong kaawaan nila. Yes! I have this virus who can kill me right away, but I’m strong. I have faith. They don’t need to pity me because I’m strong!
After convincing myself, I noticed my private nurse silently staring at me with no emotion in his eyes.
“Is there something wrong with my face?” walang habas na tanong ko sa kanya. Nagsisimula na akong humiga sa okyupadong kama nang magsalita sya.
“Nothing, Ma'am.” saad niya.
“Kung kakaawaan mo lang din naman ako dahil I have this virus, then leave.” sabay talikod ko sa kanya.
Narinig ko pa syang humalakhak bago nagsalita. “Scared, huh?”sarkastikong sabi niya.
Marahas akong napabangon at humarap sa kanya. “I’m not! How dare you talk to me like that? Who are you?!”
“Oh, sorry. I’m Copeland, your private nurse.” nakakalokong ngumisi pa sya.
“Really? Then go! Leave me alone! You’re just a mere nurse here so don’t fcking mess with me!”
“Aye aye, master!” nakasaludo pang saad niya bago nilisan ang kwartong iyon.
Padabog akong humiga muli at inisip ang sinabi nya. I’m not scared! Kung natatakot ako edi sana ay humagulgol na ako sa takot! Isang beses lang tumulo ang luha ko kanina at dahil lamang sa awa iyon!
‘Damn you, Copeland!’
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Three days have passed and Copeland never fail to annoy me but at the same time, he never fail to protect and take care of me. And it’s normal because he’s my nurse. I don’t want to assume. Ginagawa niya lang ang trabaho nya. Yes! He’s handsome. I sensed that even though he’s wearing a personal protective gear and I saw his identification card. He’s clean and he has a good sense of humor. He always lighten up the mood between us. And damn! He’s 5 years older than me for God’s sake! I shouldn’t fall! I shouldn’t!
Pero masisisi mo ba ako? Hindi ako pinalaki nang walang karupukan sa katawan! I’m fragile and I hate it!
I’m Autumn and I’m falling!
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He was there when that day came. I suffered when the symptoms spread my body. Stomach ache, vomiting along with a high fever, cough and shortness of breath.
I thought it was the end. I even messaged my loved ones and bid my heartbreaking goodbyes.
But Copeland was there. Like energy that gives me strength.
“This is just a nightmare, okay? You have to fight this for you to watch the sunrise tomorrow!” pangungumbinsi nya sa akin.
“Copeland, I c-can’t” nanghihinang saad ko.
“No, you can! You’re Autumn! You maybe fall, but you have to be strong! You have to find blossoms in autumns! You’re just young and you have to keep going and bloom! Your name is the season that teaches us that change can be beautiful, too! You have to be strong in order for you to survive. So please, fight!” mahabang saad nya habang nakatingin ng diretso sa aking mata. Desperasyon. Yan ang nakikita ko sa mga mata nya habang kinukumbinsi akong lumaban sa isang bagay na wala akong kasiguraduhan.
“Why are you doin’ this?” nanghihina pa ring saad ko.
“‘Cause like autumn, I’m falling” mahinng saad niya.
Nanghihina man, nagawa ko pa ring magulat at ngumiti sa sinabi nya. Sa maikling panahon na magkasama kami sa gitna ng pandemyang ito, hindi ko masisisi ang sarili kong mahulog sa kanya.
Marupok.
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Days passed and I mentally okay. My breathing was normal and my fever and cough are gone. But I felt emptiness. Wala si Copeland noong unti-unti akong gumagaling. I asked my new private nurse kung nasaan si Copeland but she always says that he’s okay. Copeland is okay. Pero bakit parang hindi nuon nasagot ang tanong ko? Baka iba na ang inaalagaan nyang pasyente? No! I want to see him! I badly want to see him!
Until that day came.
I finally survived. I’m a Covid 19 survivor. I’m free. I’m genuinely happy but emptiness hits me for the ninth time.
Copeland is gone.I don’t know where he is. Wala akong kahit na anong balita sa kanya.
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Nakaupo ako sa wheelchair habang tulak-tulak ito ng bagong private nurse na nag alaga sa akin. Biglang pumasok sa alaala ko ang imahe ni Copeland na syang nagtutulak sa akin papasok ng ospital na iyon.
‘Ikaw ang kasama kong pumasok sa kwartong iyon at gusto ko sanang ikaw rin ang kasama ko palabas rito.’
Pinahid ko ang luha na tumakas mula sa mga mata ko at mapait na ngumiti sa mga taong nag alaga sa akin. I thanked them all for taking care of me.
I’m about to leave but suddenly, doctors and nurses running towards the small cubicle with a single bed. All panicked.
I’m kinda nervous. I don’t know. Maybe because there’s someone inside that cubicle na nag aagaw buhay.
Nawala ang atensyon sakin ng private nurse ko kaya nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong makita ang nagyayari. Bahagya kong ginalaw ang wheelchair ko at sinilip ang cubicle.
Ganon na lamang ang panlulumo ko nang makita kung sino ang pilit sinasalba ng mga doktor. Nakakabinging katahimikan ang bumalot sa akin.
And there he is, Copeland. Lying in a single bed, nearly dead.
“C-copeland…”
Kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha ko ay ang sya ring pagtunog ng machine na may imahe ng isang mahabang guhit.
“No! Copeland!” humagulgol na tumakbo ako patungo sa kanya ngunit pinigilan ako ng mga nurse.
“Ma’am, tamana po!” saad ng private nurse ko.
“Copeland Fortalejo. Time of death, 1:53 pm.” the doctor announced.
“No! He’s alive! Wake up, Copeland! Please!” marahas kong binalingan ang mga nurse. “Don’t touch me! I want to see Copeland! I’m begging! Please!” pagmamakaawa ko.
“Hindi po talaga pwede, Ma’am”
“Copeland…” nahihirapan nang humingang bulong ko habang takip takip ang matang punong puno ng luha.
Saktong pag angat ng tingin ko sa kanya ay sya ring pagtakip sa buong katawan nya ng puting tela, simbolong wala na nga si Copeland.
‘W-wala na si Copeland’
Hindi man lang ako nakapagpasalamat sayo. You are always there when I needed you the most. You even gave me your strength just to make me strong. Nandyan ka nuong mga panahong naghihirap ako. Hindi man lang kita naalagaan at nakamusta nuong mga panahong naghihirap ka. I’m too selfish!
Flashback…
“Hindi ka ba natatakot na baka mahawaan kita?” I asked him habang nagtatalop sya ng apple.
“I’m not” saad niya.
“What? Why?” kuryosong tanong ko.
“This is my job. I don’t even care whatever happens. I’m just going with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.” positibong saad niya habang inaabot sa akin ang talop na mansanas.
Inabot ko ito at wala sa sariling pinagmasdan. “Always positive, huh?” sabi ko at kinagat ang mansanas.
“I don’t care whatever I lose, just not you.” he whispered.
“What? Did you say something?”
Humalakhak siya bago nagsalita. “Nothing.”
End of flashback…
This is Autumn Altamirano, an 18-year old COVID 19 survivor who won the fight, but not won with your heart.
“There are no goodbyes for us. Whenever you are, you will always be in my heart.”
-mahatma gandhi