Trigger Warning: Mention of Blood, Self-Harm and Suicide
Take care of yourself <3
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The calmness in the room was the second thing she noticed when she barged through the door. The first one had been just that, the dark grey door had been closed. The bed was made, the fluffy blanket on top spread evenly on the large frame.
She could feel it inside of her, the bubble of worry growing bigger and bigger, until her whole being was consumed by the awful feeling. She steered directly to the bathroom; that door closed as well. She heard Mai's footsteps following after her, every sense heightened from fear. The adrenaline in her body rushed through, focused on getting the damn door opened.
They got in, and the sight in front of her was something she would remember for the rest of her life. She would wish it would never happen, that she never saw it. She would also wish for herself to experience it all over again, to plague herself, blaming herself for everything. The messy white tiled floor, crimson blood still seeping out of open wounds. The blade by the sink, placed clumsily besides a pen.
Everything overwhelming, too many feeling to comprehend, too much blood for the girl afraid of it, but she couldn't look away. Mai had called the ambulance, on its way and still giving Mai instructions on the phone.
Genevie glanced at him, for the first time really noticing everything. She looked at his face, memorizing every little detail of his precious features. The brown locks of hair on top of his head, always golden in sunlight, the light dust of freckles around his nose. The pale skin usually filled with so much life and light. But most of all, she looked into his eyes. She didn't know it, not at the time, but it would be the last time she saw those blue gems and it would be the last time for many years to come, she looked into someone's eyes.
His eyes were lifeless, the usual oceans to get lost in weren't there, instead she was met with cold, lifeless eyes. She violently flinched from the icy stare before she turned away, too scared to look again.
Moments later, people barged through the door and she was dragged away from her lifeless friend. They wheeled him out, out of the room and out of the house they had spent so many hours in together. It would be the last time she was in that house with him.
She probably knew it back then, even though emergency services were trying to assure the two girls that everything would be alright, they could both feel the loss of him. The breaking of their heart, shattering into pieces, some of the pieces unrecognizable, some taken away forever, just like he was. The puzzle would never fit again, a part would always remain broken, belonging to the soul who no longer walked the same earth.
She woke up disoriented, gasping for air. The memories previously plaguing her mind coming back, rushing over her like cool water. Sitting up, she rested her back against the smooth bars and tried catching her breath. The nightmare stirred up a storm of emotions, roaming freely in her head.
She felt the tears already escaping from her eyes, running down her cheeks like rain on a window while she was still struggling to breath. The weight on her chest hadn't lessened, maybe got heavier as time passed. After what felt like minutes she was heaving for any air to enter her lungs.
Memories from that night kept invading her mind, second for second playing over and over again, every awful detail shown repeatedly like a broken record. It was total chaos in her brain, every thought flying around at an alarming speed, never staying long enough for her to catch it, though long enough to turn her cries even more hysteric, the nausea even more prominent and long enough for her to never have even a second to calm down, not having any time to get her body under control.
Adding to this, was the silence around her. She had nothing else to focus on expect for her thoughts. Nothing to distract her from her inner turmoil, nothing to bring her out of the deep hell hole her mind had been the past years.
Too lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice the door, which had been left ajar, opening wider, allowing more light to seep into the room. She didn't notice Louis silently entering the room wearing grey sweatpants too big for him and no t-shirt, showcasing his tattooed upper half.
What he saw broke his heart, Genevie curled up into a ball, her body violently shaking while crying her eyes out.
Genevie felt herself be picked up, placed on Louis' hip and her head guided to his neck. Louis patted her back as he felt the tears wetting the skin of his neck, still not near calm. He softly walked around the room while whispering soothing words, assurances of everything being alright leaving his mouth.
The feeling was foreign to the girl, having someone there, comforting, someone who wiped the tears and whispered 'I'm here' while she was crying weakly. And she realized both that it was incredibly nice to have someone caring from time to time, it was also very embarrassing for someone to see her so vulnerable.
After a while, when the tears had subdued to involuntary hiccups occasionally and large yawns left both Louis' and Genevie's mouths, Louis noticed something which turned the poor girl's face beet red, desperately burying it in the hiding spot she had found in Louis' neck.
Honestly, it wasn't that surprising for the sweet child. She had expected it to turn to shit somewhere along the way, but it didn't make it less embarrassing. Because even if she hadn't confessed it to anyone, not even Holly, she knew it happened from time to time, when her nightmares struck her absolutely terrified, and she couldn't do anything else than just relive moment for moment of that horrible night.
She would wake up, alone in her depressingly lonely house and feel the wetness in her bed. Then she would strip the bed and stay awake for the rest of the night, fear and disgust keeping her from the sleep she severely needed.
But now, she had five men living with her, wanting to treat her as a child, not giving her a moment alone, except for when she was asleep. So she couldn't do that, she couldn't keep her secret of bed wetting, she wouldn't be allowed to stay up all night to avoid the terrors trashing around her mind, herself helplessly pleading them to stop plaguing her, give her a moment of peace.
When Louis patted her bottom, he felt something wet, the realization sending Genevie's previously stopped waterworks into frenzy again. Zayn entered shortly after, scanning the escalating situation with dark eyes, Louis trying to console the hysterical girl while she's helplessly crying, burying her head into his neck like she's searching for gold in it.
Louis sends Zayn a short look, looking down at the girl before meeting Zayn's questioning eyes and furrowed brows, silently communicating to not upset Genevie further. Together they rub circles on her back, reassuring her that it's okay and she has done nothing wrong, little by little calming her down until it's reduced to sniffles and hiccups again, truly looking like the young child they dreamed about.
The men are cooing at the adorable sight while they continue to whisper sweet nothings to her, moving to a table in the corner of the room, settling her on the edge of it, her head still hiding and her hands trying to cling on to anything to keep it that way, futile attempts to avoid looking at the men. To avoid seeing their disgusted, disappointed, offended, judging faces. She was sure that was what was waiting for her when she eventually came out of her hiding spot.
Her face was full of surprise and disbelief when she instead saw their expressions of utter adoration. Even as she sat in front of them in pants soaked with her own pee, her cheeks red with embarrassment and tear streaks- nothing about her appearance even close to charming, at least according to Genevie.
Zayn spoke carefully, his tone soft, motherly, "Oh flower, let's get you out of this, huh?" Which she answered with a nod, wanting to get out of her clothes, along with the situation as quick as possible. Not caring if she ended up with bare legs in front of two men who wanted nothing more than to care for her. For the first time in her life someone was there, really seeing her at her worst, crying and shaking, being the mess she is, and the most amazing part was that they hadn't left her yet.
Instead, she was cradled in their arms, held tight while soothing her, not letting go until she did, petting her hair affectionately and rubbing her back in gentle circles. Giving her their undivided attention, focusing solely on her and her problems, trying to understand the cause of her upset behavior.
When the wet pajama pants were off, Zayn asked if she wanted to take off her underwear in the bathroom or if he could do it. She was thankful for the question and slipped into the ensuite to peel the remaining clothes from her, the tank top covered in her salty tears and snot, not the most appealing feeling.
When she was securely wrapped in a towel she opened the door for the Louis who started the shower. They wanted to bathe her but knew it would take an immense amount of both time and trust, so instead they decided on a quick shower for the sweet girl.
Clean and in a new set of light green pajamas, these with small fairies on them, she walks out of the bathroom, the two husbands immediately turning to their angelic girl to see the unsure body language while looking around the room.
The two men were both equal parts concerned for the previously upset child and happy because of her acceptance of help. Of course, now when she stood in the room, having had the time to think about everything, she was embarrassed and probably scolded herself for it inside her head, ashamed of her actions. But it was a first step, for her to allow them to help, then slowly start needing more of their help, even ask for it, and hopefully she would be fully dependent on it in the future.
For now though, they would assure the girl that everything was okay, nothing to be ashamed of. They needed to be there, not let her disappear into that shell again, make sure she understood that nothing was wrong.
When they entered the kitchen, the trio were surprised to be met with Harry and Liam already preparing a bottle, standing casually against the counters while talking. Genevie wiggled on Zayn's hip, feeling her cheeks, still blushing bright red, burning even more with the addition of people.
Zayn kept a steady grip on her while walking out of the kitchen again. Shushing her as they went, he decided to sit in the living room, both to ease the girl's embarrassment and check on a tired Niall. He yawned as they slowly sat down, Genevie in Zayn's lap on the couch, her head immediately turning into the man's tattooed chest.
When Niall raised and eyebrow at the seemingly permanent deep blush on her cheeks, Zayn answered with a chuckle, smiling down at the girl while affectionately patting her back, trying to get her to look up and realize that no one condemned her for it, that there was no need to be ashamed. "I think someone is a bit embarrassed, right flower?"
But instead, the girl kept herself hidden, well, at least shielded from the outside world, not having the confidence to meet their faces. She whispered something, inaudible to the rest of the world, the sound muffled by Zayn's smooth skin.
"What was that, darling?" Niall asked carefully, not wanting to upset her again. Even though he was unaware of everything that had happened upstairs, barely thirty minutes ago, it was obvious to him that something had happened for their girl to be so distressed, going as far as seeking comfort from them, something welcomed but unexpected.
The girl shook her head before she felt a stinging in her eyes, probably for the millionth time for the night. She wasn't even crying because of Charlie anymore, everything was just too much, too much embarrassment, too much endearment, too much caring, too much this, too much that. She appreciated everything, but it was just a lot to get used to. She still felt mortified of the fact that they saw her in this distraught state.
She was humiliated over her actions, but she couldn't will herself to push them away, to stop crying over every little fucking thing, to ask for some space. After everything they had done for her, not only did they care for her, but they were really putting in an effort to be there, to understand, to help. And Genevie didn't have the heart to ask them to stop.
And maybe, just a tiny, tiny piece of her liked it, but she didn't need to admit that to anyone else.
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Okay! Hello again, apologies for the embarrassment you had to endure. At least I got secondhand embarrassment while writing and proof reading.
Sorry for the random updating schedule, but updates may be a bit slow for a few weeks, I'm visiting a friend and won't have much time to write, but I'm hoping to post a new chapter at least in two weeks' time from now!
(And honestly, my friends can attest to the fact that I tend to disappear from time to time without warning, not answering to anything and ignoring everyone, so based on that I would say that this is going great!)
And lastly, thank you so much for two thousand reads, I appreciate every single read, comment, vote, everything, so thank you!
I've been listening to JVKE while writing this, so thank you to Vain-Zayn for the suggestion.
Okay, enough of my rant, continue being the amazayn human you are, vote, comment and keep reading if you enjoyed this chapter!
'Til Next Time
See ya!