I jolt awake with the sound of a harsh gasp, only it wasn't my own. I whip my head to the side, panic overriding me as I watch Harry covered in sweat, breathing heavily with tears streaming down his face, staring into the darkness.
My heart drops, and I sit up straight. "Harry?-"
I shuffle over to him, placing a hand on his chest. "Harry, baby. Look at me." I run my hand up to his jaw, cupping his face slightly to turn him to face me.
Fear fills his eyes, his body trembling. As he makes eye contact with me, clarity seems to overcome his features, and he lets out a small sigh of relief. "You're okay?" His shaky voice seems so quiet, even in the dead of night, but I nod.
"I'm okay." I smile slightly, brushing my thumb along his wet cheeks. His breathing begins to calm down, and he nods. "You're okay." He breathes out, placing his hand over my own on his face, so light that I can barely feel his touch.
After a few minutes of calming him down, he closes his eyes briefly. "What... um.." He mumbles sleepily, "What time is it?"
I lean over him, tapping his phone. I lay back down with my head on his chest, not taking any notice of the thin layer of sweat covering it. His fast heart rate still drums in my ears, so I trace patterns on his chest with my nails gently to try and calm him more. "Four in the morning."
He sighs heavily, lifting his hand up again to rub his face before placing it on his stomach. "I'm sorry." He mumbles again.
"Don't apologise. Did you have a nightmare?" I whisper, only to be met with silence. I take that as an answer in itself, trying to keep my eyes open.
"What was it about? Did you want to talk about it?"
He hums softly, his other arm wrapping around my back and tracing small patterns up and down my spine. "I'll be alright. Get some sleep Lyn." He leans forward, placing a soft kiss to my head.
"Are you sure?" I yawn softly, his heart rate beginning to calm down.
"Of course, go back to sleep." His soft voice calms me down enough for me to almost instantly drifting back to sleep.
—
Both Harry and I stand at the door of the bathroom, neither of us making another move to open the door. Its been nearly three days since I've showered, and Harry has been the same. Whilst both of us stand in silence, we realise no words are needed to show how one another is feeling.
Both of us went through something traumatic three days ago, and even though we put smiles on our faces and avoid the questions we desperately want to ask one another, or refuse to give the answers we definitely want to say, we are here. We are still here together, even if we are struggling silently beside one another.
Unfortunately, we both smell. Three days of not showering really does catch up with you, especially when unpacking an apartments worth of stuff.
Its weird, seeing someone else struggle with your issue. It doesn't make a difference to you, it's your issue. But then when you see the person you love struggle with it, it hits home.
"It's just a shower." I breathe out in a whisper, trying to convince myself that the memories of what happened three days ago are just that - memories.
"It is." Harry agrees next to me, and I watch him nod in my peripheral vision.
The idea of stepping into the shower makes my heart start to hammer in my chest, but as I hear slightly escalated breathing from beside me, I know Harry is feeling the same.
"Fuck it." Harry sighs heavily, shaking his head before turning to face me. "Bath?"
An involuntary laugh escapes me, and I nod. "I've not had a bath in years."
His jaw drops and his eyes widen. "You dirty bitch."
I roll my eyes, "Of course you would make that a joke."
He has a shit eating grin on his face, turning to face the handle again. Seeming to feel a lot more relaxed at the idea of a bath, even if it is at eight in the morning, he wraps his hand around the handle before opening the door.
I walk in behind him, looking behind a door to see a large bath tucked away. "I've always felt afraid to go in this bath."
He gives out a soft chuckle as he puts the plug in, turning the tap on. "Why?"
"It's huge." I gesture to the bath, my eyes clocking the butterfly strips across my hands. "Wait, I can't get my hands wet." I frown slightly.
Harry looks back at me, a sad expression on his face as he nods. "I know, just keep your hands out of the bath, I'll help you."
Leaning over the bath, he grabs a big bottle off the shelf. "Bubbles?" He smiles slightly at me, and I can't help but chuckle a little. "Sure."
We stay in comfortable silence as the bath fills up with bubbly water, the sound of water crashing from the tap into the rest of the bath echoes in the bathroom.
I feel oddly nervous. I can't remember the last time I ever had a bath. I must've had them as a child, but for some reason I can't remember.
Soon the bath fills up, and both of us strip from our clothes. Harry helps me remove my own, even though I'm capable, but he's adamant.
He gets into the bath first, testing the heat, before holding out his hand. It shakes slightly, his fingers twitching in nerves as he watches me. He hasn't touched my hand since the incident, and this is the first move he's made to hold it. I don't know how I feel about it.
I should be terrified to hold his hand... Don't get me wrong - I am. But not as much as I thought I would be, considering all that's happened.
I slowly slip my hand into his, squeezing gently as I carefully step into the water. I lower myself into the bath in front of Harry, letting out a long drawn out sigh as I relax back against his chest. Pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles, he rests my hand on the edge of the bath, and I put my other hand up on the side of the bath also to keep it out of the water.
"How come we've never done this?" Harry's soft voice hums in my ear, a small smile creeping onto my lips.
"Because we're either having sex or dealing with traumatic experiences." I say rather bluntly, although I don't mean it to be.
Seeming to understand its a joke, Harry scoffs, wrapping his arms gently around my stomach. "You make us sound like we can't control ourselves."
"We can't." I grin, closing my eyes as I feel myself relaxing more and more.
"Can you blame me? My girlfriend either dominates the fuck out of me, or becomes the perfect little submissive. I get the best of both worlds, sue me for always wanting a little taste." I laugh at his honesty, turning my head up to look at him.
"Honestly, you're like a Pick 'N' Mix, I don't know what Evelyn I'm gonna get when the sun goes down." His grin widens, leaning down to capture my lips with his in a quick kiss.
"Don't act like you're so different." I narrow my eyes at him, watching his eyes widen slightly.
"You either fuck me until I cry, or nearly cry whilst fucking me." I smirk at his shocked reaction, but soon he gains his composure, leaning his head down close to mine.
"You should be proud that you can get me like that." His voice lowers, his lips brushing against my own. "To get me into such a state, the only thing I can even think about doing is pleasing you, instead of using you like a perfect little toy."
The derogatory name immediately stirs something within me, and I slump back further against him. Seeming to take the victory, a smirk tugs at the corner of his lips as his eyes lighten up slightly. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
I feel something hard pressing against my back, causing warmth to spread between my legs. I nod slightly, my stomach fluttering as he begins to trace patterns on my lower stomach with his fingers.
"To use you, not even caring if you finished or not." He whispers, "Just using you to get myself off."
My breathing falters as he lowers his fingers, the bubbles in the water completely covering what he's doing, making the sensation all that more prominent as I go by touch alone. His fingers brush against my slit, causing me to shuffle a little in anticipation.
"Would you like that, baby?" His eyes dart over my face, watching every reaction I might give to his touch. I nod slowly.
"Yeah?" He breathes out in a smile, and I nod again, trying to control my own breathing.
"Yeah." I find my voice, the ache between my legs rising with each passing second.
"Well, you're lucky I'm in a giving mood." He parts me gently before brushing his fingers against my clit. I jolt a little at the sensitivity, a harsh gasp leaving my lips.
"Shh." He halts his movements as he shushes me quietly. Removing his hand all together, he hooks his hands under my arms to hoist me further up against his body. He brings his knees up, sitting me on them with my legs parted either side of his. Resting my head on the back of the bath next to his, he parts my legs further with his own, pushing them against the walls of the bath.
Goosebumps litter my skin from the cold air, and Harry doesn't help when he presses soft open mouth kisses against my shoulder.
"You know.." He mumbles against my skin, bringing his hand down between my legs. I suddenly feel his length brush against my slit from underneath me, and I shudder against his chest. "For future reference, this would be a perfect position."
It takes all my willpower not to adjust my hips to sit down onto him, feeling every part of him.
"I'm going to go to the doctor." I whisper, swallowing harshly as he brushes his tip against my clit.
"Yeah?" He tries to hide the shock in his voice, but fails miserably. All I can do is nod, completely consumed by need.
"I was only teasing baby, I don't want you to feel pressured." He whispers against my ear, stopping his movements.
"I want to. But I swear, if you keep stopping." I grit between my teeth, a chuckle rumbling in his chest as a response.
"Sorry." He's quick to apologise, wrapping an arm around my stomach tightly before bringing his fingers back to my clit. Rubbing small circles, I feel my muscles begin to relax.
My eyes close as the pressure begins to dissipate, a soft hum falling from my lips.
"Quiet. Or I stop." The bluntness in his voice makes my head spin. I don't even recognise the voice as Harry's when he's like this. I nod, clenching my jaw as I try to contain the moans threatening to claw their way out of me as he speeds up his movements.
He removes his arm from my stomach, grabbing my breast in his large hand before squeezing harshly, pressing open mouthed kisses all up my neck. All I can do is lay there against him, helpless as he pleasures me.
My legs threaten to close, but his own legs keep them pinned against the bath wall. My breathing escalates at the continuous waves of pleasure coursing through me, but all the air gets knocked out of my lungs when he suddenly pushes two fingers into me, curling them perfectly against that beautiful little sweet spot inside of me.
I grip the sides of the bath harder with my fingers, desperate to ground myself at the sudden intense pressure building. I try to sit up, but Harry has other plans.
Pushing me against the bath wall, he clamps a hand over my mouth as he thrusts his fingers in and out of me harshly. My eyes widen at the sudden pressure against the back of my head as my body is curved against the wall, but with the feral look on Harry's face, it only turns me on more.
I try my best to hold in the moans, my body shivering against the cold walls of the bath. Water splashes between Harry's wrist and my body due to his harsh movements, but they feel like utter bliss.
"You look so fucking good." He grits out, his pupils blown as he stares at my body reacting to his touch. I nearly drop my hand into the water, so instead I grip the back of his hair tight. He bares his teeth slightly as he winces, and he has to try and hold in his own moans, his jaw slacking a little as he watches me begin to unravel.
The coil in my stomach rapidly begins to form as he continues to hammer his fingers against that blissful spot inside me, tiny whimpers falling out of my mouth that only I can hear. I try my best to hold them in, desperate to let it all out.
"You don't understand how fucking badly I want you right now. I'm hooked after last time." He grins as he watches my stomach tighten, my mind going hazy at his words.
A deep pleasured frown appears on my face as I feel myself tipping closer and closer to the edge.
"Fuck- Don't look at me like that." His eyes roll back slightly, and my legs start to shake as I begin to feel my orgasm approaching.
I can't hold in the moans any longer, and I let out a long drawn out moan against his hand, feeling the coil snap inside of me.
Harry lets go of my mouth, clamping his hand around my throat, cutting the noise off.
"Shut the fuck up." He grits between his teeth, blood rushing to my head as my orgasm crashes over me like a tidal wave.
My mouth hangs open, my eyes never leaving his as warmth spreads through my body, followed by numbness. If it weren't for his hand around my throat, I would've screamed, but instead it's just heavy laboured breathing. My mind goes foggy as he lets go of my throat, quickly clamping his hand over my mouth again after I suck in a breath of air, letting out a sound between a muffled moan and a growl against his hand as sensitivity is at it's peak.
He slows down his fingers, bringing my down from my orgasm, a pleased smile on his face. He soon removes his fingers.
"Good girl." He whispers, and I breathe harshly through my nose, closing my eyes for a few seconds to compose myself. He lets go of my mouth to push strands of hair behind my ears, and I open my eyes to look up at him.
I pull him down to me, crashing my lips against his. As I let go of his hair to bring my hand down, he's quick to grab my wrist with a tut leaving his mouth as he pulls away. "Can't get your hands wet baby."
I frown, shaking my head. "But you need to-"
"I don't, I'm okay." He chuckles slightly, but I look down and shake my head again.
"No, I want to-"
"How about you lay next to me all nice and pretty, and kiss me? I'll do the rest if you really want me to." He grins.
Butterflies immediately swarm in my stomach again at the thought of Harry getting himself off in front of me, watching every reaction he has to give.
I sit up with a nod, Harry taking my hands as we lay down. I lay on my side, my leg over his thigh for a bit of support whilst he lays on his back. I rest against his shoulder, my hand resting on his chest whilst the other cups his jaw to turn him to face me. He smiles a little, leaning in and connecting his lips with mine.
Our lips part, before the kiss becomes more heated and passionate as time goes on. Suddenly Harry gives a breathy moan into my mouth, and I pull away a little, watching his face. His brows are furrowed and his lips are parted as he sighs in pleasure. It's only then that my eyes run down his body; His olive skin is covered in droplets of water, whilst his lower body is submerged.
The bubbles are long gone now, so there's a clear view of everything. His large hand wraps around his length, the anchor tattoo moving with each flick of his wrist as he moves slowly up and down. The trimmed hair works its way up to his lower stomach, where the muscles continuously tense and relax, the tattoos moving as he does.
Seeing Harry in his own pleasure, is a sight to behold. To see him inflict pleasure on himself, the way he wants to, the way he likes to do; It's all about him, I feel nothing physically from this, yet somehow I find it brings me my own sense of pleasure.
I realise what Harry means about watching, it's definitely something different, but not in a bad way. You find that you become completely mesmerized - completely transfixed by everything about your partner; from the small moans they breathe out, to the subtle flutter of their eyelids. How they tense their jaw, or their body gives a slight twitch with a spike in sensitivity.
Another breathy moan escapes his lips, and I look back at his face. His eyelids are hooded, a hazy look in his eye as he cocks his chin up slightly. No words needed, I lean forward and connect his lips with mine. He breathes shakily through his nose, a small whimper falling from his lips against my own as his body starts to shake slightly.
I bring my hand to the back of his head, taking my fingers into the roots and tugging slightly. His jaw goes slack as he tries to get more air, both of us sharing each other's oxygen as I notice the shaking starts to get slightly worse.
"I'm close." He breathes out, his hand speeding up a little. I feel the ache between my legs start to get worse at the idea of Harry finishing over himself. My breathing escalates as I nod, looking down at his hand once more.
A knock on the door cuts us off.
I nearly jump out of my skin, whilst Harry jolts slightly but lets go of himself, breathing heavily through his nose.
"Oi lovebirds!" Gemma's muffled voice comes through the other side of the door. My eyes widen, and I look at Harry who just rolls his eyes. "What?" He calls back, not even looking towards the door.
"Hurry up, we have to leave soon. Just finish already." I can hear her roll her eyes from here, and I look over to a pissed off Harry. I cover my mouth to hide my smile, but he sits up, turning towards the door.
"I fucking would've done if you didn't fucking interrupt!" His voice raises, and silence lingers in the air for a few seconds. I look at him in shock, my face burning red at his blunt honesty.
"Too bad! Get ready."
Footsteps echo down the hallway and down the stairs, Harry breathing slightly heavy as he runs a hand through his hair.
"Are you okay?" I frown slightly, but he nods.
"I'm fine, just can't wait for today to be over so I can actually have my house back." His tone is blunt, but it's understandable considering what's just happened.
"How are you feeling about today?" I sit up, placing a hand on his shoulder. He turns to look back at me, nodding slightly. "I'm alright. It is what it is."
"And the eulogy?" He pales at the word, but nods again without saying anything.
The atmosphere has completely changed between us in a split second, and I don't know how I feel about it. Gemma interrupting is understandably a mood killer, but I didn't expect the icy reception.
Desmond's funeral is today, which is probably why Harry made advances - a distraction. I don't mind being his distraction, I will always be there to help him whenever he needs me, no matter what that entails. But the thing that worries me at the moment is the complete lack of... I don't know... crying? There's been nothing - not once shed of a tear.
"Come on then." He sighs, standing up. Water drips down his body as he steps out of the bath, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around himself. He offers a hand out to me, and I take it, standing up and stepping out of the bath myself. He then hands a towel to me, and I wrap it around myself.
He walks around me, taking the plug out of the bath before opening the door and walking out.
I stand there for a few seconds, for some reason getting the feeling that I've done something to upset him. My eyes slowly meet the shower in the other corner of the room; The first time I've noticed the shower since I've been in here with Harry. Flashes of memories come back to me, and I flinch, shutting my eyes tight for a moment.
I begin to dread what today will bring, in more ways than one, but I take a deep breath and quickly leave the bathroom to follow Harry into the bedroom.