and there it is, a mark of the divine | JENLISA

Chapter 4

January (2)

When Jennie wakes up, it takes a moment for her to remember where she is.

She's curled up in Lisa's bed, holding one of her pillows like it's a person, and her legs are so tangled in the sheets, it takes her a minute to extricate herself.

She can hear what is presumably Lisa out in the kitchen as she reaches for her phone. She sees a few texts from Jules, one from Lou, and Manuel has sent her a photo of snowfall. He's visiting friends in Austria, and if circumstances were different, Jennie would likely be with him. She's never travelled without him, but maybe it's worked out well, because it no longer feels like travelling. She sends a quick response to Manuel with a flurry of emojis, before she rolls herself out of bed.

It isn't until her feet touch solid ground that she remembers the events of the night before. Or, the events of the middle of the night, specifically. She remembers Lisa's face, devastatingly close to hers as she sat in the tub. Innocently, not in the dangerous, playful way they've been skirting around each other since she got back. It was nice. It felt... safe.

Lisa is at the stove when Jennie steps out, her back to the bedroom door, but a light chuckle escapes her anyway. "Someone slept in."

Jennie yawns, padding out to the kitchen. "Like a rock." When she approaches Lisa, she looks around her body to see she's making pancakes. There are chocolate chips sprinkled in and Jennie knows for a fact she didn't own a pack of chocolate chips when she first arrived.

"That's good to hear." Lisa turns her head slightly to look at her. "Lavender can work wonders."

"That bed's not half bad either."

Lisa pauses, her body halting all movement for the briefest of seconds. "You're more than welcome to keep sleeping in it."

Jennie places a hand on her arm, making sure it's the one not holding on to the handle. "This is a stupid debate, Lisa. Just sleep in the bed with me. You won't even know I'm there — except when I kick you, 'cause sometimes that happens."

She expects Lisa to dismiss her immediately. Instead, she hears a quiet sigh as Lisa flips a pancake with ridiculous ease. "That... will be fine."

Jennie blinks. "Wow, that was easy. Are you sure?"

"Sharing isn't an issue for me, no."

"Okay, great!" Jennie grins, feeling like she's won the most important battle of the day already. She's not about to permanently kick someone out of their own bed when it's literally designed for two people.

Lisa finishes up with the pancakes and delivers a stack to the kitchen table, alongside some syrup and an assortment of berries. Jennie pours them each a glass of juice, and they sit across from each other like it's something they've done every single day of their lives.

Lisa begins to neatly cut her pancakes, while Jennie grabs the bottle of syrup and starts drizzling it all over her stack.

"There's a place I'd like to take you today," Lisa mentions, almost hesitantly, "if you're feeling up to it."

"Don't we have lunch with your friends?" Jennie asks, mouth full.

"We do, but we'll be finished before then."

"Okay," Jennie smiles warmly. "Is it a secret? What do I wear?"

Lisa laughs softly. "No secret. Just wear your swimsuit."

Jennie puts her elbow on the table and rests her chin in her hand. "Is this the part where you throw me into the ocean as a 'test' of my new swimming abilities?"

"Definitely," Lisa deadpans, granting Jennie a teasing look across the table that has her melting back into her chair.

/

"Front or back?" Lisa asks as they approach the car, bags slung over their shoulders.

Lisa has opted to go sleeveless, so her freckled shoulders coupled with the sunglasses effortlessly perched on her nose is enough to keep Jennie sufficiently distracted.

Jennie laughs, feigning surprise. "Wow, Lisa, take me to dinner first."

Lisa's hand stills on the door. "That's... not—"

"Front, please," she adds with a grin.

Jennie still thinks it's endlessly sweet that Lisa asks every time they get in the car. She thinks it's sweet that Lisa does below the speed limit, letting other cars overtake her just so Jennie doesn't feel panicked. And she hasn't felt panicked. Not once.

Lisa's expression grows curious. "Are you sure?"

Jennie nods. "You know I trust you. Besides, feels weird to sit behind you, I want to be next to you."

The faintest of smiles flashes across Lisa's face. "Front it is."

/

When Lisa parks the car in front of what looks like bushland and not much else, Jennie turns to her with a quizzical expression.

"Trust me," Lisa responds with a smile, and Jennie only shrugs before hopping out of the car alongside her.

They grab their belongings and Lisa starts to lead her down a barely-visible dirt path between the trees. They'd checked the weather at breakfast this morning, but the mid-morning humidity on its own reveals the day is going to be hotter than usual. They only walk for a few minutes before Jennie's ears perk up at the sound of rolling waves in the distance.

As the sound grows louder and the smell of salt permeates the air, anticipation shoots through her. They step out of the treeline, and Jennie's surprised when her feet land directly onto sand.

Suddenly, they're standing on a beach.

It's a decent size, definitely not as large as Suncliff, but also far less crowded. The water is a gorgeous blue, somehow even more so than the main beach. Most of the people here are surfers, but there are also others just enjoying the water. Everyone looks like a local — they're all tanned and relaxed.

(Those are Jennie's only parameters for being a local around here.)

"This is Archer's Beach," Lisa's introduces it as if it were a person. "It's a local surfing spot, for the most part. Tourists generally don't venture this far out, so it's a little more laidback than everywhere else in Suncliff."

Jennie smiles, cheekily, before looking towards Lisa. "You're showing me your special spot."

"Well," Lisa blushes, which is always Jennie's intended response, "one of them."

Jennie nudges her shoulder against her arm. "I love it. Thank you for bringing me."

Lisa suddenly appears shy, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. She's so cute, Jennie thinks, which is irritating because she's also cool and funny and hot and she has absolutely no concept of any of it. The way she wanders through life so unaware bothers her, quite frankly. Only because she wants Lisa to see herself this way, too.

She's patient and she's kind and every day Jennie just wants to wrap herself in the essence of her, if that were remotely possible.

"Would you like to go for a swim?" Lisa's voice cuts through the dense haze of her thoughts.

"Um, fuck yes," Jennie replies, emphatic, and begins to bound closer to the water. She still doesn't have a ton of experience in open water, but she's so much more confident about her swimming now, it scarcely matters. Plus, she has Lisa, so there's really no fear to be felt.

Jennie pulls off her shirt, revealing a strapless red bikini with white swirl patterns. She hopes Lisa is watching as she does, and when she looks towards her, she spies just the slightest flush to her cheeks as she averts her eyes.

A part of her wishes Lisa would just allow her gaze to linger. Just once.

Lisa wears board shorts with her bikini top most days, and like most days Jennie's eyes are consistently drawn to her tanned thighs. Summer in Suncliff is fun for a variety of reasons, but mostly because Lisa wears a lot less sleeves and a lot shorter shorts. Today, her black shorts reach mid-thigh, and somehow it affects Jennie more than if she were just wearing the bikini by itself.

To stop herself from outright drooling, she decides to run straight for the water, abandoning her clothes and her bag in a heap on the sand.

/

She's happier, Lisa thinks.

Jennie had been happy when she first arrived in Suncliff — full of unbridled joy and endless enthusiasm over whales and travel and a stranger making her coffee. This feels different, though. There's a tranquility to her, like the needle of her internal compass has been spinning out of control for so long, but has finally settled.

(She tries her best not to read too much into it, but there's a twinge in the back of her mind that refuses to leave.)

Jennie all but leaps into the water, waist-deep, without an ounce of hesitation. It's a far cry from October Jennie, who needed a little encouragement just to take a step into the pool. She lets out a laugh that's full of pure delight and Lisa's legs are carrying her towards the water just to be in proximity to it.

The water's not even up to Lisa's calves before Jennie splashes her.

Lisa's eyebrows lift. She didn't realise they were going to play it like that. She splashes her back, much lighter, but Jennie's mouth still drops open in surprise. Then, she begins to walk backwards, further out into the surf.

"Bet you can't catch me."

Lisa knows she could, and Jennie knows it, too. She can see the glint in her eyes, like it's a challenge she's hoping she'll lose.

"I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

Lisa knows she won't, and Jennie knows it, too. She's saying it for the sake of saying it. Playing along with her game. Dancing around something neither of them will actually vocalise.

"Then you better catch me," Jennie teases, continuing to swim backwards. "'Cause if I'm hurt I'm going to need you to save me."

Lisa rolls her eyes, her smile giving away her amusement. She lets her get a headstart, which isn't much, because even Jennie won't swim that far out into open water. She watches her go, pride settling into her chest. She's not the strongest swimmer yet, and Lisa wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her alone out here, but she's made so much progress already.

She thinks back to the first day in the pool, Jennie's hand in hers, the sun warming her skin, before she goes in after her.

She catches up to Jennie quickly, despite choosing to humour her by swimming slower than she normally would. Once she reaches her, she speeds up, cutting her off and taking hold of her forearms when she slows.

"You're a menace," Lisa tells her, and Jennie laughs airily.

"Oh, yeah?" She asks, and to Lisa's surprise, she dives under the surface in an attempt to escape.

It works, for a moment, as Lisa needs to let go so she isn't dragged down with her. But she's able to calculate where Jennie's going to come up for air, and she's there to meet her before she surfaces.

"No fair!" Jennie laughs again as she emerges, breathless this time, almost flush against Lisa's body.

Strands of her wet hair are plastered to her cheeks, and Lisa can't help but laugh along with her. "Your hair— it's just..." She reaches out, gently smoothing them back. Her hand lingers briefly, her fingertips touching Jennie's jaw before settling on her bare shoulder.

With any other person, the moment would come and it would pass. Likely awkwardly, and likely with Lisa not laying a finger on them, her hands firmly at her sides. Except, Jennie's giving her such a profound stare. It's almost wondrous, how Jennie looks at her like she's truly never seen another human being before. Like she's just been dropped from the sky and has been stumbling through the woods for years, searching. Like her eyes are tractor beams and Lisa just keeps drowning and drowning and drowning.

"Thanks, Lisa." Her tremendous, world-altering expression gives way to something far less mythical: a coy smile, her brow relaxed.

Lisa tries to focus on the way the docile waves bob them up and down. She tries to focus on how Jennie is successfully treading water when a few months ago, she couldn't even float. She tries to focus on anything other than Jennie's eyes, which are somehow obsidian but also sparkle like diamonds in the sunlight. She tries to focus on anything other than her lips, which have parted ever-so-slightly, just enough to send Lisa's world spinning off its axis.

"How are you feeling?" Lisa asks, her voice as gentle as the rolling waves.

The spell isn't broken, not entirely. Jennie continues to gaze at her, study her, even, and she doesn't move away in the slightest. "Better. You were right. And this morning... you always seem to know what to do."

"I only did what felt right," she tells her. "I don't know if you've ever spoken to anyone... about your nightmares, and you can tell me if this is entirely out of line, but I can help you. Find someone, I mean."

Jennie finally averts her gaze, letting it wander across the water's surface. "Oh."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed—"

"No, no!" Jennie reaches out to her, taking her arm. "I just... I hadn't thought about it. I've never been able to afford anything like that. Hell, I've never been in one place long enough."

"Well, if it's something you're interested in, I am more than happy to help you," Lisa offers. "There are plenty of jobs around here, especially in summer— you can work on the visa you have, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can work, but Lisa... I'm living in your house. If I get a job, that money is going to you."

Lisa shakes her head. "This is more important than that."

"Lisa..."

"Jennie, I'm not taking your money."

In a very Lisa-like move, Jennie lets out a heavy sigh. "You don't have to do... any of this."

"I know." Lisa frowns slightly. Perhaps she's going about this all wrong. "If it makes you uncomfortable, we can drop the subject and I won't bring it up again."

Jennie shakes her head, slowly, her eyes still not meeting Lisa's. "Not uncomfortable, just... where the fuck did you come from? Seriously? How the fuck did I get here and find you?"

There's a slight, involuntary upturn of Lisa's lips. "You think too highly of me."

"That's... not even possible. There's no 'too' anything— there isn't even a limit," Jennie tells her, the slight awestruck look in her eyes only lingering as she manages to meet her gaze.

Lisa stares at her, completely incapable of coming up with a response. The terrifying, exhilarating thought hits her instantly: she would do anything for Jennie. She is the kind of woman who builds castle walls around her heart and fortifies them with armaments. She lets the fog settle in around her fortress, so it's no longer an option for wayward travellers.

Except, Jennie has already begun the dismantling process. Step by step, brick by brick. A one-woman army. She doesn't break the bricks, or even crack them, but simply deconstructs them like building blocks, carefully taking them into her possession and storing them in a neat stack elsewhere.

Honestly, Jennie could've come by and stuck a toothpick into the walls, and Lisa would've crumbled all on her own.

/

They spend a little more time at the beach before heading back to the house. They both decide to shower before heading over to the place Minnie had chosen for lunch, and when Jennie comes out of the bathroom, she spies Lisa sitting at the kitchen table, fiddling with her hands.

"You nervous?" Jennie asks, jokingly, but the look she gets in response causes her face to fall a bit. She takes the chair beside Lisa and pulls it closer to her. "They're your friends but we don't have to go. I can drive the getaway car."

At least that joke causes a small quirk of Lisa's lips. "I'm not nervous," she clarifies, before taking a deep breath in. "I just don't want them to scare you away."

That's... not what Jennie had been expecting. She had clues, things she didn't want to verbalise about the nebulous nature of their situation, but it hadn't been this. Lisa really doesn't want her to leave, and the thought plants a seed deep within her.

"Scare me? Your friends?"

Lisa sighs. "They're not intense by any means, but they like you and now you're back, they're going to poke and prod. Most of them aren't from here, but they all came here and eventually stayed. I just don't want you to feel pressured by anything they may say or imply."

"What, you think I'll want to run if they ask too many questions?"

Lisa sighs again. "I don't know."

"Lisa..." Jennie begins, her tone sincere, reaching over and placing a hand over hers. "I have a tragic fear of buses and I can't drive, where am I gonna go? Into the ocean? That's a bad idea even for a good swimmer."

"I'm serious, Jennie."

"So am I!" Jennie insists, but the goofy smile she produces doesn't match her words. "I would never just run, Lisa. I told you I want to spend the summer here, and I will. I know my history doesn't exactly scream 'reliable' but I would never just leave like that."

Lisa's face goes on a journey — from insecurity, to a flicker of something indecipherable, to momentarily stunned. "I— I never meant to imply that."

"I know," Jennie says, offering a gentle smile. "You didn't accuse me, it's just a fact."

Lisa looks at her, largely vulnerable, and Jennie feels a small hint of satisfaction knowing she feels comfortable talking to her about things that are currently bothering her. It's a whole different beast than discussing scars from her past.

"How about... we go and if you feel uneasy afterwards, we can totally debrief." She tilts her head. "But... it's gonna be completely fine, I promise."

And it is.

They arrive at what can only be described as a pub, and everyone is already there waiting for them. Jennie meets Jisoo (who she likes a lot) and Lilith (who she still likes but may need to make a personal project). She greets Minnie and Yasmine and Hugo. She sees Rosé hold Jisoo's hand and she feels even more idiotic than the last time they crossed paths.

They're sitting indoors in the air conditioning, and after their morning in the sun, Jennie is content to just sit back and enjoy. The place is decently crowded, being both a weekend and a hot day, with both locals and tourists alike. It's such a jovial atmosphere that Jennie can't help but feed off of.

Lisa sticks close by her, choosing the seat next to hers. She offers to buy her a drink — a glass of wine that's perhaps not as strong as last time — and as she wanders over to the bar, Jennie takes in the motley group around her.

"Summer in Suncliff, huh?" Hugo, who is sitting across from her, starts, lifting his beer towards her. "We're happy to have you."

"I'm sure you are," Lilith drawls.

"Jennie and I are friends, thank you very much," Hugo tells her, sending a wink towards the brunette.

"If Hugo's already your friend, then the hard part's over," Lilith responds, slyly lifting her own glass in his direction.

"Play nice," Minnie scolds lightly, giving Lilith an affectionate shoulder bump. "I'm sorry, we're making a terrible first impression, Jennie."

Jennie laughs. "I mean, did you hear how Lisa and I met? 'Cause—"

"I was practically a witness," Minnie preens.

"We are glad you're back, Jennie," Yasmine tells her, offering her a kind smile. Jennie already knows Yasmine's one of the good ones. "Not to be cheesy, but any friend of Lisa's is a friend of ours."

As if summoned, Lisa returns with two wine glasses, placing one down in front of Jennie before taking her seat. "Alright, how many terrible things have you said already?"

"They're behaving," Jennie responds, shooting a teasing glance in Hugo's direction. She can be social with the best of them, but she feels a lot better with Lisa beside her. Not because she feels uncomfortable in any way, but because it's not as fun without her.

"Are we hungry?" Jisoo asks. "'Cause I wanna introduce Jennie to the appetiser platter and there's just not gonna be enough for all of you."

Jennie's eyes light up. "Oh, fuck yeah. I could eat a horse, count me in."

As everyone begins to discuss what to order, Jennie tilts her head slightly in Lisa's direction. Lisa is smiling as she holds her wine glass close to her chin, casually observing the scene before her.

"How am I doing?"

"You were always going to charm them," Lisa murmurs, her voice a little softer than necessary. "I had no doubt about that."

"Oh, yeah? Know that from personal experience, or...?"

Lisa brings the glass closer to her lips. "I... will not answer that."

Jennie grins, and when she turns her attention back to the table, she can see Rosé watching the interaction from the other end. She wears a knowing expression that causes a flush to creep up Jennie's neck. She's not sure what she expected — flirting with Lisa in front of her friends can only end one way.

They order lunch and Minnie begins telling a story about a guy who tried to hit on Lilith when they first started dating. At some point during the conversation, Lisa rests her arm over the back of Jennie's chair, and it's suddenly all she can think about. Lisa is seated at the end of the table, so Jennie has no reason to turn unless she's specifically looking at her. But she wants to, desperately.

This is not the kind of thing she typically obsesses over. She needs more wine.

"So, Jisoo's party is gonna be a hit, I hear,"Hugo says.

Jisoo rolls her eyes. "Whenever Min says the words 'small gathering', I get hives."

"Okay, yes, maybe the guest list is a little longer than I expected, but people around here love you!" Minnie says excitedly. "I said no gifts on the invite, like you wanted, so it won't be weird and awkward. I made it during the afternoon instead of nighttime, so everyone can get home at a decent hour. And you can still say no to the whole thing and my feelings won't be hurt. Promise."

"She won't say no," Rosé responds, giving Jisoo a fond look. "She's a softie."

"Are you okay?" Jennie suddenly hears in her ear, and she jolts a little in her seat. She must've zoned out at some point, but she has no idea how Lisa knew that when she's not even angled towards her.

"Jeez, Lisa, warn a girl," Jennie chuckles weakly, looking over her shoulder at her. She knows it's the couple of glasses of wine in her, but she looks so relaxed. The woman who had been fidgeting at the kitchen table is long gone. "Am I gonna be carrying you home? There's no way you're driving."

Lisa gives her an easy smile. "Rosé offered to drive us home before we got here. She... 'knows me', or so she says."

Jennie nods slowly, a smile of her own growing. Rosé knew she was nervous. She's beginning to feel a lot guiltier about being jealous of her. "I'm starting to think she does."

"You didn't answer my question."

Jennie lets out a short laugh. Still sharp as a tack, even when tipsy. "I'm good."

"You'd tell me if you weren't?" Lisa asks.

"I would," Jennie promises. A little rattled by everything Lisa, sure, but she'll manage. "I think I'm still a little tired from last night."

A quick hum of acknowledgement escapes her. "Me, too. But I don't have any regrets."

Jennie's chest aches, the little space carved for Lisa feeling more and more like a home.

/

That night, they share Lisa's bed for the first time.

It's pathetically humid, the breeze through the bedroom window being the only thing to offer any sort of relief. The heat leaves very little options in terms of clothing, so when Jennie exits the bathroom in a sports bra and the tiniest pair of shorts known to man, Lisa has to remind herself to take deep, level breaths. She's seen her in a bikini — today, even — she can handle this.

Lisa opts for her boxers and a singlet. She's not showing as much skin as Jennie, but everything feels more pronounced now that they're about to get into the same bed, to share the same confined space for eight or so hours.

They turn off the lights and settle in beside one another, with the blankets kicked to the foot of the bed. Jennie is the first to roll on her side to look at Lisa, and she can only tell because the open window offers her a view of the full moon outside.

"Today was really fun." Jennie almost sounds surprised, and Lisa's heavy eyes help carry her smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I hope it helped get your mind off of things, if nothing else."

Lisa watches as Jennie nods, trying to keep her eyes very firmly on her face and not allow them to drift any lower. She feels her heart rate pick up just at the thought. She already spent the entire morning averting her eyes from Jennie's very appealing taste in swimwear.

The silence that follows stretches on for a long time. Lisa closes her eyes, partially an attempt to rest them and partially to resist temptation, before Jennie's quiet voice emerges again.

"When was the last time you shared a bed with someone?"

Lisa holds her breath. She feels a little embarrassed by the specific answer. "It's... A long time."

"Do you not enjoy it?" Jennie asks, as if she's testing the waters.

"I... wouldn't say that." Her responses are short and tight, something unknown constricting her chest. She wasn't expecting this line of questioning, particularly not when she's already half asleep and can't trust her brain's connection to her mouth.

"I was thinking about this morning... and I'm not sure if you were just saying yes to get me to stop annoying you."

"You weren't annoying." That's the response that comes easily to her, and her airway opens up again. "I admit my response was a little... clinical. If I were uncomfortable with the suggestion, I would have told you."

Jennie nods, and Lisa can see her worrying her lower lip. "Okay. Just checking."

Lisa runs over everything she just said again in her head, just to make sure she didn't admit a little too much.

"Hey, Lisa?"

"Yes?"

"What if I have another nightmare?"

Jennie's hands rest between them, and Lisa tentatively reaches for one of them. Her touch is delicate, her thumb rubbing slow circles. She hopes focusing on the movement will distract her from how soft Jennie's skin is. "Just wake me up. Okay? You're safe here, and I'm here to help."

"Yeah," Jennie whispers in response, watching their joined hands with rapt attention. "Maybe... maybe I could see someone. When I start making money."

"Don't rush it," Lisa insists. "You're on holiday, you can take your time. There's a great clinic in another town, not far from here. It's where I went when I first arrived."

"You think Blinkoo's will hire me?" She grins. "I've bartended before, and I've got my good looks, so I think I'm a shoe-in."

Lisa laughs lightly. "Jisoo's party is at Blinkoo's, I'm sure Yasmine will put in a good word for you if you'd like to ask."

Jennie's smile softens into something more vulnerable. "Your friends are really great."

They don't have to just be my friends, Lisa thinks. They can be yours, too.

"They are," she chooses to say instead, letting the other words fall away. "They're the best."

/

The next week passes in a blur of Jennie.

They go to sleep together, and they wake up together. The first morning, Lisa realises they fell asleep holding hands, as when she wakes, her fingertips are still loosely touching Jennie's open palm. Jennie's still passed out, on her back with one leg hanging off the edge of the bed, so Lisa gets up and begins their usual routine of making coffee for her, and breakfast for them both.

Jennie doesn't have any more nightmares. At least, not about car accidents. One night she shoots upright in a daze, mumbling about weird, humanoid creatures that have entire colonies under the sand. Coincidentally, they are also made of sand.

Lisa doesn't have any magical solutions for that one, but the next time they're at the beach, Jennie makes it a point to dig a little into the soft sand with her foot. Just to check. Lisa marvels at the contents of her brain.

Lisa goes to work, and sometimes Jennie joins her. Hugo spends all day bothering them — far more than he would do if it were just Lisa. Other days she goes to the beach, promising Lisa she will only swim between the flags. Rosé and Jisoo both lifeguard most days, so she knows Jennie's in good hands. A couple of times she goes on one of Minnie's boat tours, and while it's not whale season anymore, she still gets a nice cruise around Suncliff as well as a very animated history lesson. Afterwards, Minnie takes her to Blinkoo's, where Yasmine serves them a cocktail and takes her break to sit with them.

Lisa is a little antsy about that one — just because she knows the kinds of questions Minnie and Yasmine like to ask. Whatever transpires during these encounters, Jennie doesn't tell her, but also doesn't seem particularly bothered by it. Instead, she comes home to Jennie trying to bake muffins that actually aren't terrible. Her measurements are a little off, but they can work on that. As long as the house is still standing when Lisa returns, she can do whatever she wants.

One afternoon, Lisa gets off early, and they decide to go for a drive.

Jennie sits in the front with the window down, arm partially hanging out. Today's bucket hat says 'Let's Get Kraken' with a small illustration of a cute cartoon-like kraken underneath. Lisa loves the way the heat makes her cheeks rosy, and how she bobs her head and taps her thighs to whatever's playing on the radio. She's unable to sit still, but Lisa has always found it endearing.

They have no real destination in mind — they just continue to drive north along the rural highway leading out of town, framed by gum trees and farmland. The drive is mostly inland, but the highway does wind back towards the ocean at certain points, giving them a nice change of scenery.

Lisa feels relaxed, not for the first or tenth time in Jennie's presence. She keeps her eyes firmly on the road as Jennie takes in the landscape around them.

Their peaceful drive is interrupted, however, when about an hour in, something abruptly darts across the road, causing Lisa to slam on the brakes. Luckily, there's nobody else on the road, but she is acutely aware of Jennie, who jerks forward, bracing her hands on the dashboard in front of her.

"Fuck," Lisa says without a thought, her hands leaving the steering wheel after the car comes to a stop. She immediately turns her attention to Jennie. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she responds, but her voice is an octave too high, and Lisa feels guilt settle into her stomach. She prides herself on being a safe driver, but she doesn't usually have things running out in front of her car.

Lisa unbuckles her seatbelt and angles herself closer to her. "Jennie," she says, her own heart racing. "Look at me."

Jennie does, and Lisa can immediately see the fear in her eyes. She hates absolutely everything about it.

Lisa reaches for her hand on the dash, squeezing it. "I'm so sorry, Jennie, that was stupid of me. I just— I reacted, I wasn't thinking."

Jennie shakes her head. "It's okay, just gave me a heart attack, no big deal." She lets out a shaky chuckle. "I think reacting is the only way you could've saved... whatever that was."

'Saved' is a strong word, she thinks, as she turns to look out the window. The road on either side is covered with long, unkempt grass. It was moving too fast for either of them to be able to see what it was, but it was definitely some sort of medium-sized animal.

"We should look for it," Jennie declares. "I need to... get out of here for a minute."

"No, of course," Lisa replies quickly, waiting until Jennie has gotten out before pulling over to the side of the road. She shuts the car off and gets out to see Jennie has already moved to her side and begun poking around in the grass.

"Be careful," Lisa warns, approaching Jennie and placing a hesitant hand on the small of her back. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I will be," Jennie promises, turning to give her a smile. It's genuine, at the very least. "It just... helps to be on solid ground, y'know? It's not your fault."

Lisa chews on the inside of her cheek as Jennie begins to look around in the grass. She watches carefully as Jennie takes a couple of steps further, hoping to God there aren't any snakes lying in wait. The last thing she needs is to be rushing her to the nearest hospital.

"Hearing you say fuck almost made it worth it."

Ah, there she is. Lisa can't help the smile that grows on her face before she shakes her head. "Because I scared you, I am going to let that one go."

Jennie's a fair way into the grass as she laughs in response, treading cautiously, and it's a couple of minutes before she speaks again.

"Oh, shit. Lisa?!"

Lisa doesn't wait for anything else, rushing into the grass to get to Jennie. When she arrives, she finally sees what Jennie does: it's a medium-sized, black and tan dog. It's lying down, panting so heavily its eyes are almost closed. It doesn't look malnourished by any means, but its fur is filthy. It's not wearing a collar or anything identifiable. Jennie reaches out to touch it.

"Wait." Lisa stops her. She's absolutely not letting Jennie get bitten on top of everything else. "There's a bottle of water and some towels in the back of my car. Could you go get them?"

Jennie nods and rushes off, which leaves Lisa with the dog. It doesn't seem bothered by her presence as she kneels down, offering her closed fist to it. The dog sniffs, before giving it a halfhearted lick.

"Oh," Lisa murmurs fondly, a sympathetic frown on her face. "You probably have heat stroke, poor thing."

Jennie returns with several towels and the bottle, which Lisa takes from her and unscrews the lid. "How is it?"

"It doesn't seem aggressive. I'd like to give it some water, but I have nothing to put it in."

"Oh!" Jennie starts, taking her hat off her head and handing it over, like it only exists for this exact purpose.

Lisa stares at the hat in one hand and the water bottle in the other. Jennie is nothing if not innovative. She pours the water into the hat, which, of course, begins to drip through immediately, but luckily, the dog is quicker. It laps at the little water it's able to get as if it's never had a drink in its life, and Jennie tentatively reaches over to pat its back.

"Aw, it's friendly," she coos. "We should take it to the vet, I don't want to just leave it out here."

"That's what the towels are for," Lisa explains. "We can use them to lift it up. I just don't want it to bite us."

Jennie takes a few steps back and beckons for the dog to come. It almost looks like it wants to, but it just doesn't have the strength to lift its legs up. Jennie walks back over, dropping to her knees in front of it. She reaches out with purpose, scratching behind its ear. It tilts its head towards her hand, tail wagging.

"I think we're okay, Lisa. He likes us!"

Lisa is ever-so-dazzled by Jennie's enthusiasm, especially considering the state she was just in. Still, there's no reason to suspect she's wrong, as long as they're careful.

"Okay," Lisa concedes, "help me get this towel under him."

/

"Since he's a boy, I'm gonna call him Bagel." Jennie sits in the backseat with the dog, which leaves Lisa free to focus on driving. The dog, adorably, has one leg perched on Jennie's lap as it pants wildly. Lisa blasts the air conditioning on full throttle, but in a car as old as hers, it doesn't do a lot to help.

"The dog probably has an owner, Jennie," she explains. "There are farmers around here who use Kelpies like this. Plus, he's friendly, and desexed by the looks of it, so I doubt he's wild."

"He's not wearing a collar and look how much of a mess he is!" Jennie responds, annoyed. "Fuck his owner. They clearly don't give a shit about him." She turns her attention back to the dog, who is watching her as she speaks. "Isn't that right, Bagel? You're just the sweetest."

Lisa turns her attention back to the road, remaining vigilant just in case something else decides to surprise them today.

The one vet Lisa knows at the clinic in Suncliff is Hans, and luckily he's working when they pull into the carpark and carry the dog inside. Hans is polite and classically handsome and Lisa only knows him because he also surfs and gets the attention of just about every woman on the beach when he does. Then he tells them he's a vet, and they swoon even more.

(If Lisa were a naturally flirtatious woman, it would probably also be to her benefit.)

"So, he has no microchip, and nobody has called asking about a dog of his description," Hans tells them after a brief examination. "He looks good healthwise, but I'd like to keep him overnight to get his fluids back up and do a couple of tests. Without an owner to claim him, he's just going to end up at the pound though. I'm happy to call around to other vets in the area to see if anyone's missing a dog, but we're not set up to keep him long term."

"No way, fuck that." Jennie shakes her head. "I'll take him. Even if it's just until his owner shows up."

"What?" Lisa asks, so bewildered she doesn't realise the word has left her mouth until Jennie speaks again.

"Oh. No, you're right, we should probably talk about it." Jennie frowns, the magic of her enthusiasm briefly dimming. "I don't wanna just bring a dog into your house."

"No, it's fine." Lisa's head begins to spin violently. "I just... you want a dog?"

"Yeah! I've been in foster homes with dogs, I can handle it. He's already an adult, so he shouldn't chew the furniture. And if you don't want a dog in the house, I can find somewhere else to stay, it's totally fine. I wouldn't just spring a pet on you."

Sure, Jennie had been saying it in the car, as a lighthearted joke, but Lisa visibly flinches as the words leave her mouth so sincerely. "Jennie—"

"Okay, I probably can't legally adopt a pet as a tourist, but Lisa, maybe you could sign the paperwork? And I'll just keep him as mine." She turns to Lisa. "But... he probably has an owner, so—"

Lisa barely hears the words because nausea suddenly roils in her stomach like a tidal wave. She feels lightheaded, possibly because the dog drank all of her water, but also for reasons she can't vocalise. At least, not to Jennie or Hans or the entire waiting room. "We... can talk about this more tonight. He has to stay here overnight anyway."

"Right," Jennie frowns, looking towards the dog again. "Just... don't do anything with him, okay, Hans? I'll come back for him tomorrow."

"You got it," Hans responds, and Lisa can't think of anything to say to either of them.

It's not about the dog. She can own a dog. It's Jennie owning a dog. Jennie owning a dog in this country. Lisa has never owned a dog before, but she's sure they live for longer than summer lasts. And knowing just how quickly Jennie imprinted on the thing, she's not going to be letting it go any time soon.

Of course, she wants Jennie to stay, but the implications are incredibly heavy. It all means something, if she stays. Of course, it already means something, but Lisa had been preparing to let it go a second time. She'd been preparing for Jennie to move on again, eventually, because there's never been any indication of a concrete plan to stay before.

This is permanence, and she can't wrap her head around it.

It's a lot more than she bargained for when Jennie the Tourist broke her doorbell and demanded books on whales. This is someone being here, building a life with her. Someone who would normally just breeze through town without a second thought.

Lisa decides she needs another opinion.

/

When they get home, the first thing Lisa does is shut herself outside, citing the need to make a phone call. She fumbles with her phone as she pulls it out, before dialling Minnie's number.

"Minnie's phone," says a voice that is decidedly not her friend's voice.

"Lilith?"

"Hey, Lisa," Lilith responds coolly. "You need Minnie?"

"If— If you don't mind."

"Jeez, you sound like you just ran a marathon."

"Yes, well," Lisa laughs humourlessly, her chest still feeling tight. "My body certainly thinks I did."

"O-kay," Lilith responds before handing over the phone. Minnie's clearly right next to her because it only takes a second for her voice to ring through.

"Hey, is everything okay?"

"Jennie found this dog, and she wants to keep it." The words fall out of her mouth in an uncharacteristically hurried breath. She knows it's the kind of thing she needs to discuss with Jennie, and she will, but she needs an outside opinion on if she's actually losing her mind or not.

"Sorry, you're on speaker. She wants to adopt a dog?"

On speaker with Minnie and Lilith. This'll be good. Talk about having an angel and a devil on each shoulder.

"Yes, and that's... It was a spur of the moment thing, she may change her mind tomorrow, but— she was so sure. Immediately."

"Okay..." Minnie starts slowly, and Lisa can hear her frown. "Do you not want a dog?"

Lilith sighs. "Jennie's putting down roots here and she's freaking out about it."

Lilith's smart, she's the one with the four-year university degree and the career in healthcare, so of course she figures it out immediately.

"Oh," Minnie responds, knowingly. "Oh."

"And she's called us for advice, which is a little adorable," Lilith says, in a tone that sounds condescending just because it's coming from her. She means well, deep down.

"Well, I called Minnie, but yes. I don't really know what I'm looking for, I just needed to— I don't know what this means. It's not about the dog, she can have ten dogs if she wants, but... she wants to be here. Long term."

"You don't know that's what it means," Minnie reasons. "She could always take the dog home with her. All you need is some tests done and a pet passport."

"Min," Lilith says, a rare, public moment of tenderness. "We both know that's not what's happening here."

"Well, the reality is, only one person has the answer to your questions," Minnie responds.

"You know she's in love with you, right?" Lilith says bluntly, which causes world-ending consequences to every system in Lisa's body. "I've spent time with her once and even I can see that."

The fist around Lisa's heart returns with a violent vengeance, and it squeezes. Hard. In the anxious way that causes her internal organs to throttle. She really wants to throw up now.

As if she can feel her emotions through the phone, Minnie cuts in, "Okay, Lil, maybe not helpful? We don't know how Jennie feels, so Lisa, just... breathe, okay? Talk me through it, what's wrong with her wanting to stay?"

"Nothing... I don't know," Lisa admits. "I just... I think deep down, I convinced myself she would leave again. When she showed up last week, she said she wanted to spend the summer here. A week later, she wants a pet. Everything's been... intense. I'm not used to it, I don't know how to..." Speak? Act? Breathe?

"Okay," Minnie says gently. "Maybe find a time to talk to her about it? It doesn't have to be tonight, give yourself some time to calm down and plan what you want to say. Wait until after Jisoo's party or something so you can both enjoy yourselves. There's really no rush." She pauses. "And it may seem soon, but she has been here for months. To her, the whole dog thing is probably not a huge leap."

"Right... I should think about it first, you're right." The last thing she wants is to be over-emotional and cause some sort of misunderstanding between her and Jennie. And it helps to have someone else put things into perspective for her beforehand.

Minnie's voice brightens. "She'll understand whatever you're feeling, Lisa. She cares so much about you. Just... make sure you actually communicate."

Her throat feels dry, her voice hollow. "Yeah." At least she knows she doesn't have to worry about whether Jennie cares. "You're right, I will." The most important part is she does talk to her, she knows that.

"I know this is a lot for you, but I promise she will not hurt you."

The fact that even Minnie can see that makes her feel like she's spinning in circles, which only causes the nausea to return.

"And I know this is all new territory for you, but I'm so proud, Lisa. It'll all work out, I know it! It doesn't have to be immediate, you can take the time you need."

"Thanks, Minnie." The weight on her chest lifts, just a little. "Thank you, Lilith. I think."

"Minnie is right, as always," Lilith says easily. "Just trust your instincts."

It's... surprisingly solid advice from Lilith. Not that she typically gives bad advice, but it's a specific kind of 'tough love' that Lisa isn't really used to with Minnie and Yasmine. Still, she thinks getting advice from an actual couple is probably the best course of action. When she hangs up and walks back inside, Jennie is standing in front of the couch, phone in hand.

"So I just called the vet again and Hans said he can take Bagel for a week or two so we can get ready for him. Did you know he fosters dogs already? Anyway... I did spring all of this on you and I get it if you say no. Someone'll probably pick him up anyway, right? Like you said, he's probably some farmer's dog—"

"The dog is fine, Jennie," Lisa tells her, her voice patient. It's not a lie, so she doesn't feel too bad about it. If anything, a dog will liven up the place in the same way Jennie did. "If you'd like to keep... Bagel... then you can. You're an adult, it's your choice. But I would advise letting Hans hold on to him for now." For a multitude of reasons, but also because Lisa needs a second to breathe before she's entirely consumed by anything else.

"Okay," Jennie says gently before frowning, clearly sensing the energy she's giving off. She takes a couple of steps forward. "Lisa... are you okay?"

No. No, she's not. There's so much she wants to say and ask but her thoughts feel like they're constantly in motion and nothing is able to settle. Nothing leaves her mouth. She's as speechless as she was back at the vet. She wouldn't even know how to say any of it. What to reveal and what to keep to herself. How to not make it seem like she's overreacting to something that seems so easy to Jennie.

But she can't help when honesty simply falls out of her mouth around Jennie. She wants to communicate, even if she can't say everything right now. "I will be. I just... I don't know if I can talk about it yet. Is that alright?"

Jennie's sympathetic look is a killer, Lisa decides. It's cataclysmic in the way it completely halts the life inside of her. Jennie could easily be the most manipulative person in the world if she wanted, because anyone would bend to her will with eyes like that. Tragically, for anyone who looks at her, there is only softness behind them. "Of course it's okay, Lisa."

Lisa's first thought is she wants to cry. It takes everything in her not to break down, not to settle in Jennie's arms like a small child. "I just— I think my anxiety is playing up."

Jennie's smile brightens the room like a second dawn. "I can help! Movies and popcorn and pizza. No cooking or cleaning, you sit down on that couch and do nothing all night. What do you say?"

"That sounds nice," Lisa replies gently, despite everything, still gravitating towards Jennie the way she always does. Like she's the magic balm that could soothe her, which she's sure is the truth.

She decides to stick to Minnie's proposed deadline — she'll talk to Jennie after Jisoo's party.

It's only a couple of days. After years of repressing herself to the point where she feels like a scrunched up piece of paper that is gently being smoothed out, she can absolutely manage that.

/

The lead up to Jisoo's party turns out to be the ultimate distraction. Maybe it's because Minnie gives Lisa some last-minute jobs to help out with, possibly out of pity, but she gladly takes them. That way, her mind is occupied, and she doesn't feel the need to avoid Jennie in order to get through it.

Jennie has become very adamant about getting a job, so she's been enjoying her final days of freedom before she speaks to Paco. It's not that they don't see a lot of each other, but Lisa does get an opportunity to miss her, which feels really nice, all things considered.

The morning of the party, Lisa wakes up early, and Jennie's nose is pressed against her shoulder. It's fairly harmless — sometimes Jennie gravitates towards her during the night and Lisa has to act like everything's fine and she's not physically forcing her heart to remain behind her sternum. No other part of her body is even touching her, just her nose, and it's kind of cute. It makes her feel bad that she's about to get up and ruin it.

She waits a few more minutes, listening to the soft sounds of Jennie's breathing. Then, she realises she has to get up, or else she'll fall under the spell, where she'd simply curl into her and go back to sleep herself. Instead, she takes a deep breath, and carefully tries to extricate herself without waking Jennie up.

Of course, it doesn't work, and Jennie begins to wriggle around due to her sudden absence. Keeping her eyes closed, she pulls the covers up and throws them over her face.

"I'm going surfing with Rosé," Lisa tells the amorphous lump before her.

"Mhmmrf," is all she gets in response, and the lump that is Jennie doesn't move an inch.

With her plans sufficiently acknowledged, Lisa tries to remain quiet as she moves about the house. Once she's ready, she checks in on Jennie one more time before heading out. She's still under the blanket, but has since starfished across to Lisa's side of the bed.

Lisa watches her for a moment, allowing the affection she feels to settle around her like a low fog, before physically forcing herself away.

/

Surfing with Rosé is a little like therapy. Not because surfing is therapeutic, especially just after sunrise, but because Rosé definitely should've gone into psychology. She always has the right advice for the right moment, as if she's lived a hundred lifetimes before this one.

It's a little disconcerting sometimes, that she so often has the exact words Lisa needs to hear, but she enjoys talking to her. There's never any judgement with her.

Like right now, as they sit out on their boards at Archer's, watching the sun slowly rise over the horizon. The sunlight dances on the water, and there's nothing to hear except the waves and the sounds of distant birds. It's peaceful, and out on the waves like this, she doesn't feel the need to keep any secrets. Like nothing ever truly leaves the ocean.

"Are you going to tell me about the two of you, or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"

Normally, this kind of talk makes her uncomfortable. And if it were with anyone else, she'd retreat back into her shell. But there's something about Rosé — they click in a way Lisa could never fully understand. Especially in such a short amount of time. Also, judging by her tone, she's mostly kidding.

Lisa tilts her head. "You first. How are you and Jisoo doing?"

Rosé rolls her eyes at the deflection. "We're doing well. I think she's more comfortable with the idea of having a girlfriend again. I've left the ball in her court to make the decision, but... it's going good." She looks over at Lisa with a quiet smile. "It's the kind of thing I want for you."

Lisa ducks her head slightly. "I know. It's just... complicated."

"If my relationship with Jisoo has taught me anything, it's that with the right person, you can take your time. The right person won't push you or force anything on you. The right person will love you enough to be patient with you, unconditionally. And if Jennie's the right person, she'll accept all of your reservations even if she doesn't fully understand them. And if she doesn't, then fuck her, as far as I'm concerned."

Lisa sighs. "Rosie..."

"I mean it! If she's going to walk away because you're understandably having some doubts, then she doesn't deserve you. Everything is moving fast and it makes sense if you don't want to immediately date her."

Lisa laughs lightly. "You're jumping very far ahead in this imaginary scenario of yours."

Rosé studies her as best she can at their current proximity. "I thought you were going to tell her how you feel?"

"I was going to ask her if she planned to stay for longer than the summer, because of everything with Bagel. I'm not sure where that conversation will lead."

Lisa can see the sympathetic hint to her gaze. "If you don't talk to her about it, you're just going to keep wondering. She's the only one who can give you the answers you need."

Lisa sighs again, splashing at the water with her hand. "That's what Minnie said."

"Well, Minnie is smart." Rosé pauses. "Telling someone how you feel doesn't immediately mean you're in a relationship, even if the other person feels the same way. And you do like her, right? Even if... maybe you're apprehensive?"

In a very basic, simple way, the word 'like' can definitely be used. She can't even begin to explain any feelings deeper than 'like'. "You know the answer to that."

"Well, personally, I think she's gonna be thrilled when you tell her." Rosé sits up straight, stretching her arms a little. "I saw the two of you at lunch, she was hanging on your every word. Every time someone said something funny, she turned to look at you. And she clearly cares about you, otherwise she would've made a move by now. She doesn't exactly strike me as the kind of person to hold back."

Lisa would be more than a little obtuse to not see the way Jennie looks at her, to not give the touches and the words and everything else between them some sort of meaning. That's never been the issue, luckily, but things would be far less complicated if it were.

"It's just... it's so soon. And everything I feel is intense. The way she looks at me is..." She knows a lot of words, she has a very impressive education, but they all fall short when describing Jennie. "I can't... I can't mess this up, Rosie. Not with her."

"I'm not going to tell you what to do," Rosé says gently. "I'm not going to give you a timeline or a step-by-step guide, but I will say one thing: If you meet someone who makes you feel comfortable, take the opportunity to open up to them. 'Cause it can be really rare to meet someone you trust like that. Even if it doesn't lead to a relationship in the end, it can still be something good."

Lisa nods, letting the words soak in. "I do want to talk to her, after the party, it's just... I've had a couple of days to think about it and I still don't know where to start."

"That's the trick, I don't think you're really supposed to know." Rosé shrugs. "The context of the situation will dictate what you're going to say. You can plan a speech all you want, but how often do those hold up really? What you say in the moment matters more than anything you could possibly plan."

She's right, of course. Lisa can certainly be solid and eloquent when necessary, but Jennie has always been her undoing. There's no point in coming up with some sort of script when it's just going to go out the window the second she makes eye contact with her. She can't count the amount of times Jennie has made physical contact and her train of thought has immediately shrivelled up and died.

"The most important part, Lisa? Is that we're all here for you." Rosé drifts over on her board, just so she can reach for her hand. "Whether it goes well or not, we're with you."

Rosé bites on the inside of her cheek. "But I don't want to lose her either."

"Lisa... she came back here. After knowing you for three days. I don't think you're losing her any time soon. If you want my opinion... I think you've found a good one."

Lisa nods, trying to let Rosé words alleviate some of her fears. She knows something has to be done, the back-and-forth dance can only go on for so long before the dam breaks. And everyone who has spoken to her about it has been correct: there are no calculations to be made or speeches to be prepared, the only way to know is to leap.

Lisa turns back towards the ocean, focusing on the expanse of the horizon, and allows herself a deep, steadying breath.

/

When Lisa arrives home a couple of hours later, Jennie is already wearing her dress for the party.

Her hair is out and her make up's only half done, but as soon as Lisa walks through the front door in her wetsuit and her damp, tangled hair only just freed from its bun, she stops completely in her tracks.

"Oh— I'm sorry, I... didn't realise you were..."

She stops herself. Why is she apologising? Jennie's fully dressed and they aren't getting married. She's giving her a familiar amused smile that makes Lisa think they're on the same wavelength.

"Well... what do you think?" She shimmies a little, the fabric of the dress following her lead effortlessly.

Jennie's dress is navy blue with thin straps and a modest slit that reaches her mid-thigh. The fabric is slightly glossy, clinging to her body in a way where Lisa suddenly feels like she has no right to be looking. She's had the privilege of witnessing Jennie in swimsuits, in pyjamas, in sundresses, in cute little button-ups, in crop tops, and now this.

Lisa softens as she regards her. And not just her voice, but her entire being. "You're beautiful. Truly." She's easily going to be the most enchanting person there, but she never needed the dress for that.

Jennie softens right along with her. "Thanks, Lis."

They both stand there for a moment, staring at each other, before Lisa clears her throat. "I should probably shower... I don't think Minnie would appreciate this as a party outfit." She gestures to herself.

Jennie's teasing smile is a deadly thing. "She might not, but I like it."

Fuck. Okay. Yes, she definitely needs to get into the shower before suddenly neither the dress or the wetsuit are an issue anymore.

"Do you..." Lisa swallows. "Do you need the bathroom first?"

"Nope! I'll use the mirror out here."

Lisa nods along, feeling slightly numb as she heads towards the bathroom. Once she shuts the door behind her, she leans back against it and releases a heavy sigh. If she can barely handle her now, she has no idea how the rest of the day is going to go.

Eventually, Jennie puts her hair up in a bun, leaving a few loose strands framing her face, and pairs her dress with simple jewellery. It's nothing particularly fancy, but she's breathtaking to Lisa, in just about every way a person can be.

Lisa has a feeling Jennie knows it, too, because she manages to catch every single one of Lisa's glances, like she's counting them and storing them away safely for later.

/

The party is a casual affair. A carefree afternoon at a beachfront bar can only be so fancy, but as soon as they enter Blinkoo's, Lisa mutters to Jennie that Minnie has certainly outdone herself. Both the indoor and outdoor portions of the restaurant have been transformed with lights and balloons and a variety of other decorations (some which include what look like Jisoo's baby photos).

Luckily, the day's weather is unusually cool for this time of year, so they're going to be comfortable at the very least. There's a cool ocean breeze flowing through, and Jennie's just glad the sun is still out.

If there's one thing she's learned about Australian weather — predicting it is pointless.

The indoor section houses the bar, and all of the tables have been moved to leave room for a dancefloor. There's a very large 'Happy Birthday Jichu' banner on the far wall, which Jennie thinks may not have been Jisoo-approved beforehand. The outdoor section boasts more tables as well as its usual sweeping view of the ocean. There's already a decent amount of people mingling in both areas, most of whom Jennie has never seen before.

There are long tables set up with food inside, and Jennie sees Yasmine in a bright sundress, discussing something with one of the waiters. It amuses her that even though Paco gave her the day off for the party, she's still playing manager. Jisoo and Rosé hover near the front entrance, greeting those who arrive. Jisoo, who's wearing a very nice button down, already has a half-drunk beer in one hand, and Jennie lets Lisa take the lead as they enter.

"Happy birthday, Chu," Lisa greets her with a warm smile, approaching her for an embrace.

"Hold on," Jisoo responds as they part, looking the two of them up and down. "Are you trying to upstage me at my own party? 'Cause that's rude. You two look hot."

Jennie takes the compliment far better than Lisa does. She wiggles a little in her dress, and when she turns to look at Lisa, she just sees a light blush coating her freckled cheeks.

And holy fuck, does Lisa looks hot. Jennie's jaw almost fell clean off when she saw her exiting the bathroom in a loose-fitting, white linen button down with most of the buttons undone. Underneath, she wears what looks like a dark crop top, but her loose black pants are high-waisted, so Jennie has once again been foiled by fashion. Still, it's the tucked in open shirt that immediately does things for her, even if there's only a sliver of skin to be seen above her pants.

Her hair is out, and the sun-bleached ends are on full display. Where they belong, if you're asking for Jennie's opinion on the matter. She's also wearing rings, and while Jennie has never specifically told Lisa they're her weakness, it still feels like a personal attack.

So, yeah, she most definitely shares Jisoo's sentiment and she's going to be spending a lot of time appreciating her today.

The two of them wander further into the room, and besides Yasmine who is otherwise occupied, they currently don't see anyone else they know. Which Jennie is fine with for now, she really wants to keep Lisa to herself for a little while.

"Would you like something to drink?" Lisa asks, and it's almost blinding for Jennie to look at her. There's the familiar pull to just be touching her at all times, even if it's just their shoulders brushing. She wonders just how long she'll be able to reel in that impulse for.

"You know... I'm not sure I want to drink much today." Jennie turns towards Lisa with a playful smile. "But... I will do a couple of shots with you."

Lisa gives her an easy smile. "Shots, huh?"

"Yes!" Jennie bounces on the balls of her feet. "I believe I'm owed shots from those drunk texts you sent me." Not that she would ever forcibly hold Lisa to something she said while drunk, but she is very invested in the idea. "I really need to pee, but I'll meet you at the bar, okay?"

Lisa's smile radiates warmth, looking at her fondly. "Okay, I'll be waiting."

Jennie feels Lisa's eyes on her until she completely disappears from view, and she lets the delicious shiver take its time rolling up her spine.

She's at a party and she's sober and there's an incredibly attractive woman with a stunning smile who cares about her waiting for her at the bar. It's the kind of concept that's entirely foreign to Jennie, despite the amount of bars she's been in and the amount of hot women she's seen at them.

The only thing that crosses her mind as she walks away is that she's so immeasurably glad to be here. To be back with Lisa, in any context whatsoever.

/

"You two look like you're on a date."

Lisa almost flinches when Hugo sidles up beside her. The bar is crowded, as everyone's looking to get their first drinks out of the way, but she'd been happy to wait patiently for the bartenders to work their way to her. At least, until now.

"It's not... a date," she replies, bristling. "And please don't say that to Jennie."

"I don't know why, you're clearly into each other." Hugo leans his back against the bar as he speaks. "Have been since day one. Everyone can see it."

The first thing Lisa becomes aware of is that he's already a little drunk. Hugo's never a jerk, but he, like everyone else, becomes especially filterless when he's been drinking. He'll ask a lot of questions, a lot of why's, and she can't even attempt to explain the situation to him. She's sure every time she updates Rosé or Minnie they think she's losing it.

"It's not—" Lisa clenches her jaw. "It's more delicate than that."

"So... you're not dating?" Hugo says, narrowing his eyes. "Aren't you two adopting a dog together?"

Lisa's back straightens. "Where on earth did you hear that?"

"Hans was down at the beach this morning with a new dog, I had to ask. He said he was holding on to it for the two of you."

Jesus. If there's one thing she loathes about small town life, it's the gossip. She can't do this with Jennie if everyone is hovering over her shoulder the entire time. It's too much pressure, and she can feel it rising within her as they speak.

"A girl like Jennie in that dress is going to have everyone's attention. Not sure if you're the jealous type or not, but..."

Lisa rolls her eyes. "What Jennie wishes to do is none of my business. She doesn't belong to me and you're not going to rile me up with... whatever it is you're doing."

Hugo shrugs. "Just trying to help. You clearly want each other, sometimes you need someone to give you a push. Life's too short to be dancing around each other, you know that."

Lisa sighs. "Hugo, please, just... go enjoy the party. I understand she's new around here and everyone wants to know what's going on, but Jennie isn't some spectacle and neither am I."

To her surprise, Hugo laughs. "Oh, you're in soooo deep. I thought Jennie was falling fast but jeez, you're on another level. This'll be fun. I'm gonna get another beer and not interfere, okay?"

Lisa doesn't realise her entire body is rigid until Hugo moves further along the bar. She's not sure how much longer she can keep this up, with Lilith and Hugo and everyone else having some kind of opinion. Being so... direct about it. She turns back around to the two shots she ordered, and wills herself to wait and not just drink them both herself.

When Jennie eventually approaches the bar, he very intelligently slips away before he can say something that will rattle Lisa even more. She doesn't want to snap at him, but she feels like she's on a razor's edge with Jennie, and the last thing she needs is an outside influence tainting everything when she's barely holding on herself.

Jennie has her phone out and she's frowning at it, before she puts it away in her bag.

"Is everything okay?"

When Lisa speaks, Jennie lets out a breath, like she'd been holding it in the entire time they'd been apart. "It is now. That's..." She indicates to her phone. "That's a whole other thing. I'll tell you the story another time, today's supposed to be fun."

"Are you and Manuel still fighting?"

Hennie looks momentarily surprised. "No! No, definitely not. He's annoyingly kind and good as always, I'm struggling to keep up." She chuckles a little and Lisa gives her a sympathetic smile. "What about you though? Hugo looked like he was making you uncomfortable."

Lisa waves her hand and tries to keep her expression neutral. "It's nothing, he's... He's drunk and he likes to talk."

Jennie frowns. "Did he say something to you?"

Lisa's heart clenches ferociously. She's protective and it sears a brand into her chest. "No, not really. It's not him, I'm just..." Unequipped to deal with my own emotions. "I'd rather focus on..." You. "This."

Jennie nods with a kind smile, turning her attention towards the shots on the bar. "Well, alright then! Bottom's up?"

/

After doing a couple of shots each, Minnie promptly drags Jennie away to meet some of her other friends, leaving Lisa to smile fondly at her from across the room. Eventually, she moves to sit down at one of the tables set up, picking at some of the food laid out along the way. She surveys the party with interest, Rosé is keeping Jisoo busy, and Lisa's heart aches at how happy she looks. Especially considering she didn't want this party to begin with. She spies Lilith standing by Minnie's side, looking gorgeous in an elegant dress of her own.

She's never longed like this before, seeing her coupled friends interact at parties like this. Seeing one casually put their arm around the other, seeing them whisper to each other in private corners, sharing a laugh. It's never bothered her before, not really. Not since Jennie.

Jennie approaches her soon after, a spring in her step, and she's wearing the kind of expression Lisa has come to know a little too well. It's a sign of mischief, and she's learned to roll with the punches whenever that expression appears.

"Dance with me," Jennie says, and Lisa freezes, needing her entire brain function to simply focus on looking at her. Her dress shimmers lightly under the lights, the ocean blanketed by the full moon, and Lisa is captivated.

"I'm sorry?"

"Dance with me, Lis." Her smile is golden, and the way Lisa falls into her is inevitable, spinning like a whirlpool. "I know you can dance. Private school education in multiple countries, you definitely know how."

"I—" She's still mildly stunned. Nobody has ever asked her to dance before. Not once. And sure, there's a makeshift dance floor and people are dancing and yes, maybe she came with Jennie, but it never crossed her mind she might want to do it with her. "Yes, I do know how."

"Then come dance with me." The final request is a hushed murmur, delivered like a promise, with an expression akin to finding something that was once lost.

Lisa takes her hand, and that's all there is to it.

Once they're out on the floor, Jennie leans in close to her. "I can't dance at all, I just really wanted to get you out here."

Lisa can't help but laugh. It's light and airy, and only for Jennie to hear. "Follow my lead," she responds, a hand curled around her waist, a puzzle piece in place.

Jennie looks at her with awestruck eyes, but there's still a slight smirk on display. "Where do I put my hands?"

Jennie knows exactly where to put her hands, Lisa is sure she's seen people dance before, even if she's never done it herself. She's looking to make her flustered, and oddly, Lisa finds herself going along with it. "That depends... I know ballroom dancing, but I don't believe that's what you have in mind."

Jennie doesn't say anything, only draws herself close and weaves her arms around Lisa's neck. "This good?"

Her breath catches in her throat. There's nowhere else to look except right at her. "Y—Yes. This is good. Fine." The smirk only grows, and Lisa tries to concentrate on quite literally anything else. With that, she finally notices the music playing in the background. "This is not a particularly slow song."

"I can wait," Jennie responds, shifting her arms a little. "I'm comfortable right here."

"Is that so?"

"Mhm," she hums, smiling up at Lisa in a way that has her spiralling.

"What's gotten into you?" Lisa murmurs. "You had two shots." She had the same shots, and they certainly weren't that strong.

"I also stole Hugo's half-drunk champagne when he wasn't looking." She shrugs. "I know you won't tell me what he said to you, but I'm on your side anyway."

Lisa's heart jumps, and then it aches, and then it pulls. It's simply a marionette, destined to be controlled by Jennie's laugh or her words or the calamitous way she tends to look at her. "We're not mad at him," she assures her.

Jennie nods, and doesn't pursue the topic any further. Which is something Lisa has noticed about her: if she doesn't want to talk about something, Jennie won't push her. Even if she doesn't specifically say it, Jennie seems to just... know.

The song gradually transitions into something slower. It wouldn't surprise her if the person in charge of the music could see them out on the dancefloor. The people who were previously dancing around them either shuffle off the floor or partner up, and Lisa becomes very aware of her hands on Jennie's waist. They haven't moved, but suddenly it's more intimate, somehow.

"So... are you going to teach me or what?" Jennie's eyes seem to have changed along with the song. Once mischievous, her gaze is now gentle, almost searching. She tries not to focus on what her words sound like out of context.

"Well..." Lisa begins, surprising herself by how husky her voice suddenly is. "This position doesn't allow for the best movement, as pleasant as it is."

"Oh?"

Lisa begins to sway lightly, back and forth, and a smile immediately brightens Jennie's face. "We can only really sway, see?"

"This is nice," Jennie murmurs, lost for a moment, "but yeah, I see what you mean."

"So... if you take my hand," Lisa holds her left hand up, waiting for Jennie to grasp it. "And put your other one on my shoulder." She waits until Jennie does so before curling her right hand around her back. This immediately draws them close again, and Lisa lowers her voice instinctually. "Now... we can move."

Lisa sees Jennie swallow, and there's a flash of something in her eyes that makes her forget they're in public.

"Now, if I step forward." Lisa takes the step, and Jennie steps back in turn. "And if I step to the side..." She laughs softly as Jennie follows along. "Exactly, just like that."

There's a brief look of satisfaction that crosses Jennie's face, before it morphs into something quieter. Lisa leads them easily, slowly rotating them around, not taking her eyes off Jennie as they keep in step with one another. She keeps it slow, and they're not necessarily in rhythm with the song, but Lisa barely hears the song over the sound of her heartbeat in her ears.

She knows if she looks elsewhere, she'll catch one of her friends watching them, and she'll lose her nerve. It's not their fault, they're curious, and they've never seen Lisa this close to anyone before. She doesn't talk about romance or her past experiences with it, so to see her openly dancing with someone is sure to shock the masses.

Besides, she'd much rather be focused on Jennie, who can't seem to stop smiling and Lisa has a distinct determination to always find ways to make her smile more. She lifts their arms, gently guiding Jennie into a spin, delighting in the giggle she gets in response.

"See? You're dancing."

Jennie grins as she turns, before settling back into her arms with ease. "Well, I always have the world's best teacher who makes everything look easy all the time."

"Easy all the time?" Lisa asks, feigning amazement. "Well, I'd like to meet her, because I don't think she exists."

"You know, you might be onto something." Jennie nods along, before tilting her head. "Starting to wonder that myself."

Lisa doesn't even know if the song that's currently playing is the song they started with, but it scarcely matters to her. For all she knows, there might not be any music at all. For a moment, she forgets there's anyone else in the room with them.

"You know, I like this, but..." Jennie speaks slowly, carefully slipping her hand out of Lisa's and instead, winding both arms around her neck again. "I think I also like swaying."

Lisa lets it happen, her hands moving back to their original position at her waist. She's much more comfortable now, and slides her hands a little further around Jennie's body. She doesn't respond verbally, only looks at her with the hope she'll understand something in her gaze.

Jennie lets the silence sit, as if she's waiting for the right moment to ask her question.

"What're you thinking about?"

Lisa sucks in a breath, and her exhale becomes a simple reply: "You." Because she can't come up with a lie in the moment. She doesn't want to lie, not when her thoughts are filled with reverence. "You... look radiant."

"Wow... flattery, too?" The words are so quiet it's almost a mumble. Brand new stars are born in her eyes just in the few seconds she looks at her. "And here I thought I was overdressed."

Lisa shakes her head. "Personally, I don't believe in such a thing."

"That's good," her voice remains a low murmur. "Impressing you is always one of my goals."

"Jennie..." Lisa says, not in a chiding way, but an embarrassed one.

Jennie bites her lip, as if physically holding herself back from saying more. Lisa's heart lurches, because if there weren't all these people surrounding them, the thought of what she'd do right now surprises her, like being jolted out of sleep.

"You want a glass of champagne?" Jennie asks suddenly, and Lisa tilts her head. "Just one. I just... want to have another drink with you."

"You know you don't have to justify why you do or don't wish to drink to me, right?" Lisa has a feeling she knows why, but she offers reassurance regardless. "It's a party, you can have fun."

"I know," Jennie tells her. "I just want to feel... clear. I'm already having fun."

"Me, too." It's kind of nice — everyone else around them is, at the very least, tipsy. Lisa can tell just by their attempts at dancing. But the two of them, relatively sober, just enjoying each other's company? She can see what Jennie means. "But yes, of course I'll have one with you."

Lisa almost regrets saying yes, because Jennie's hands fly away from her in an instant. She takes Lisa's hand instead to pull her towards the bar, but it's not the same as having her arms around her, pressed in close.

Once they each have a glass of champagne in hand, they clink their glasses together, a silent toast to something unspoken. Something that transcends just two people standing in a room together. Something that tells Lisa a threshold has been crossed, into an undiscovered region. A wild, untamed landscape.

And, somehow, it's a little less terrifying to face the unknown with Jennie by her side.

/

They say their goodbyes as the party winds down. Lisa avoids any curious looks from her friends as Minnie and Jisoo thank them for coming. Everyone is either happy or drunk or both, so the afternoon is considered a success. Rosé squeezes her shoulder like she simply knows everything, and it wouldn't surprise her if she did. Surely she saw them dancing, it wasn't exactly subtle.

They steal an unopened bottle of champagne from the party's leftovers. Jennie desperately wants to drink it on the beach, but Lisa talks her down. I thought you didn't want to drink much, Lisa says, to which Jennie responds, Not at the party, but I will with you.

The sun doesn't set until after eight, and they eat burgers down on the sand. Jennie sends a photo of the sunset to Manuel, who spends five minutes on FaceTime with the both of them. It's ten in the morning in Salzburg, and they talk about the snow and champagne and a date Manuel went on recently that tinges his cheeks pink.

The sun sets and Jennie digs her toes into the cooling sand, her arm barely brushing Lisa's as they sit side by side, watching the sky become a magnificent, panoramic display of colour. Lisa thinks if Jennie were a colour, it'd be the vibrance of a sunset, that then shifts into a soft luminosity.

They walk home together just as it hits dusk. Along the beach isn't the most direct route to Lisa's house, but Jennie insists. She's walking a little ahead of her, feet in the water, with her shoes in one hand and the bottle of champagne in the other. She's laughing because a piece of seaweed washes in and wraps around her ankle, and she has to fling her leg wildly to get it off.

It's a shot out of a movie, most definitely, but it's even better because it's Jennie. It's not some caricature that exists to fit a certain narrative. Jennie exists to be Jennie. To walk along the beach in a midnight blue dress and turn around to face Lisa with a world-altering smile. Something that shifts entire galaxies millions of light years away.

They make it back to the house and Jennie is positively giddy. There must be something in the air, Lisa thinks, because her last drink was a couple of hours ago and she'd been perfectly mellow while they were talking to Manuel.

She throws her shoes down beside the couch and spins in a circle. Lisa only watches her, amused.

"Dancing's fun," Jennie declares, a specific kind of sparkle in her eye. "I've danced at clubs and stuff before, but never proper dancing, where you're, like, looking someone in the eye."

"It can be fun," Lisa agrees. With the right partner. At the right moment in time. "And you did well, you didn't even step on my feet."

"Probably 'cause we were barely moving," she teases. She turns and all but bounds towards Lisa, her feet barely touching the ground. As Jennie enters her space, her smile grows, and there's a certain glint in her eye. "Thanks for bringing me today."

Lisa gives her a fond smile in return. "Technically, I didn't invite you. That was Minnie."

Jennie raises her eyebrows. "Oh, is that right? So... you're not glad I came?"

A low chuckle escapes her. "You know I am."

Jennie's gaze very noticeably drops to her chest. If it were any other situation, she'd be immediately alarmed, but then she remembers her shirt is literally unbuttoned and she did style it that way for a reason. And possibly that reason might be in front of her, but that's neither here nor there.

Jennie reaches out, mindlessly taking hold of both sides of the open shirt and tugging lightly. Lisa goes along with it, allowing herself to lean into whatever she's doing.

"God, you look so good tonight," Jennie murmurs, and it causes shivers throughout Lisa's entire body. The compliment makes her feel utterly drunk. "This outfit and your eyes and the rings. Fuck, your hands." She chuckles, mostly to herself, as if nobody else is in the room with her. "You have godly hands, I don't know if anyone's ever told you that."

"Jennie..." She starts, her voice sounding unusually strangled, even to her own ears. Her stomach suddenly feels heavy, anchored by her words.

"Wow." Jennie furrows her eyebrows slightly, her hands still grasping her shirt. "Sorry, that was... Fuck, that usually stays in my head."

"Usually...?"

Jennie looks at her, a little confused. "You don't think I think you're hot? 'Cause you are. Jeez, Lisa, I bet you break hearts all the time without knowing it. How many tourists come into that bookstore and just lose their minds? I'd say a lot."

Lisa's mouth goes dry. "You... I mean—" She doesn't know what she should say, only what she wants to say. "That's what you think?" She already knows the answer, deep down, but she wants to hear her say it.

"Yeah," Jennie breathes, seemingly surprised by the question. "Yeah, it is."

Lisa can't help the next words that leave her. "Well, you're the one wearing that dress. Everyone had their eyes on you today."

Jennie's eyes burn into her, a teasing smile causing her lips to quirk. "Does it bother you? That people were looking?"

"Not when you were dancing with me, no."

Lisa knows she's gone too far, because Jennie almost looks taken aback. Their flirting often stays playful, temperate, but she's pushed deeper with just one statement. A statement that can be read so many different ways, if Jennie dares to look.

Jennie looks down at her own body, as if admiring it, before locking eyes with Lisa again. "You really like this dress, huh? You've complimented me more today than you ever have."

That... seems like a crime Lisa needs to remedy immediately.

"You're always gorgeous, Jennie." Delicate and sincere. An undertone of something else.

Jennie's voice lowers, "We have that in common."

Her still holding on to her shirt, and Lisa finally allows herself to take note of their proximity, the words passed between them. She notes the way she smells like a sweet, floral scent that Lisa is a little addicted to, which has settled on her skin over the hours and become increasingly pleasant. She notes the exact moment Jennie's eyes drop to her lips, and a line is drawn. There's suddenly a before and an after.

Lisa's lips are on Jennie's before her next thought even enters her brain.

She kisses her, and she feels something burn. First in her lips, then along her jawline. It sinks like a stone, down her throat, settling into her chest, before exploding into every single nerve ending in her body. She doesn't know what Jennie's initial reaction will be, but she doesn't expect the low hum from the base of her throat.

It's an instant addiction, the way Jennie's lips move against hers. The way her lips part for Lisa's tongue while she tugs her hair out of the bun she put it in when they were on the beach. The way she moans as Lisa's hands grip her waist. The way every touch, whether incidental or not, causes some sort of reaction.

Jennie's hands are everywhere — in her hair, on her cheeks, cupping the back of her neck, back to gripping her shirt like it's a lifeline. And yeah, Jennie likes to touch, but just the thought of what that implies in this context causes Lisa's head to spin.

She's not thinking, which she realises is particularly dangerous in this situation. She guides Jennie's body backwards until she's pressed against the kitchen counter.

"Fuck, Lisa," Jennie murmurs against her lips, her hands moving back to her open shirt, pulling at it so it's untucked. There are enough buttons undone already that she can slide her hands inside, fingers splayed on her ribs. There's still the fabric of her undershirt between them, but Lisa presses herself closer anyway, the primal instinct in her brain desperate for more.

They're not even skin on skin, and Jennie's hands are hot in a way she didn't think possible. And sure, maybe she doesn't have a lot to compare it to, but she doesn't want to. In this moment, she knows she only ever wants Jennie's hands on her.

Briefly emboldened, she moves to Jennie's neck, her teeth lightly scraping the tender skin. One of Jennie's legs lifts and hooks around one of Lisa's, in what she assumes is an attempt to get even closer. The soft gasps she elicits only spur Lisa on as she finds her pulse, sucking at the spot eagerly. Jennie's moan only half escapes her throat, the rest of it a breathy choke.

God, she's drowning. She's drowning and she can't think even if she wanted to. Even if there are dulled alarm bells going off somewhere in the recesses of her brain. Even if the logical part of her is currently being smothered.

One of Jennie's hands leaves her body to grip the edge of the counter behind her. Lisa takes the opportunity to grab the leg wrapped around her, hand sliding up the slit of her dress to her mid-thigh. Her skin is silky under her touch, and the feeling of wanting more is explosive. It wouldn't take much to lift Jennie to sit on the counter, it wouldn't take much to replace her hand with her mouth.

"Oh my God, Lisa," she gasps, unable to catch her breath before Lisa's lips find hers again. Kissing her on its own is divine, she doesn't know how she's surviving the rest of it.

Lisa slides her palm along Jennie's thigh, her dress beginning to bunch up at her hips. Jennie takes the opportunity to break the kiss and hook a hand around the back of her neck. Not to be outdone, Jennie's lips fly to the underside of Lisa's jaw, down her throat, and she continues until she hits her clavicle.

"Jennie..." The moan is so foreign to her ears that she can't believe it's hers. That it's hers and it's Jennie's mouth on her skin. Her shirt hangs off one shoulder as Jennie's teeth and tongue work wonders on her collarbone, destined to leave a mark. Lisa's hand on her thigh tightens, and Jennie's whine against her chest rattles her ribcage.

Suddenly, Lisa whimpers, but it sounds wrong coming out of her mouth. It's not filled with the hunger that's at the forefront of her mind, that's clouding her senses, instead sounding... fearful. And Jennie notices it, too, because she pulls away immediately, studying her with a concerned expression.

"Lisa?"

It's just one syllable, guttural and heady, as Jennie's chest rises and falls in rapid succession. Lisa feels the telltale signs of panic in her chest, in her head, on her skin. She averts her eyes, attempting to look anywhere else, because she can't do this. She can't feel the way she feels and be in this moment with her. She's too overwhelmed and she wants to just pull her in all over again. Not for the right reasons, but to lose herself in it.

Instead, she lifts her hands from Jennie's body, flexing them, only to notice they're trembling. The lights in her brain blink on again slowly, rebooting the system. They haven't even talked, and she, somehow, let herself get this carried away. Getting carried away is not what she does. This is not how this was meant to go. This wasn't even meant to happen at all.

Lisa tries to take a deep breath in, but it shudders violently, and the exhale becomes another whimper. The same sound, which causes a sense of dread to fill her entire body as tears well up in her eyes. She had been so careful, taken the days to think about what to say to her, and somehow, she still managed to fuck it up. Thrown all of that careful planning out the window.

"Lisa." Jennie's demeanour changes instantly, sounding worried as she takes her face between her hands. "Whoa, hey, hey... look at me."

She doesn't, but that only makes it worse. She becomes hyper-aware of the way Jennie's thumb drifts over her cheekbone. How her fingertips brush her neck. How her body is still trapped between Lisa's and the counter. How she can feel her overwhelming warmth through the thin fabric of her dress.

"Lis..." Her voice is so calm that Lisa wishes it wasn't. She almost wants her to be angry, because that's the typical reaction she receives after disappointing someone. That's a reaction she's used to, one she can handle.

This... she doesn't know how to handle this. Someone treating her like a precious marble sculpture. Someone who has examined her just as much as one would a piece of art. Someone who knows every fault and divot, who takes the time to carefully protect and maintain.

Still, she doesn't look at her. Her instincts tell her to just walk away, make it a tomorrow problem, but the more tremendous urge tells her it's entirely unfair to Jennie. This is just the conversation she was planning to have with her, only far more intense.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Lisa's voice wobbles fiercely, which in her own eyes, makes her seem entirely weak. The last thing she wants is for Jennie to see her like this.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Jennie insists, her gaze firm. "Absolutely nothing. Look at me."

She finally looks at her, and it changes everything. Lisa can't see her irises at all, but she thinks even in better lighting, there would be no evidence of them. Her lips are swollen and she's still panting softly in an attempt to get her breath back. That utterly spellbound look that so often leaves her in pieces only makes her afraid.

Her chest could crack open right now, spilling its entire contents out, and she wouldn't feel as seen, as defenceless, as she does in this moment. Jennie could do anything right now and Lisa would be at her mercy, but all she does is hold her tenderly between her palms. Lisa's shoulders shake in an attempt to hold back everything she's feeling.

Now that she's made eye contact, Jennie carefully arranges the collar of Lisa's shirt back to where it was. "Come on, sit down with me."

Lisa finds herself shaking her head involuntarily, and she's not sure she could move even if she wanted to. She doesn't know if her heavy breathing is just due to lack of oxygen from their... activities, or something else. She counts to ten in her head, tries to find something else in the room to focus on. Something untouched by Jennie.

(There isn't anything, because she's curled into Lisa's life and made a home there. Everything that's hers is also Jennie's.)

Jennie's hands leave her face, and she reaches for her hands instead. "I've got you, c'mon."

She's a ghost as she lets Jennie lead her over to the couch. They sit down, angled towards each other, their knees touching. Jennie places a hand on her back, but otherwise keeps her distance. Lisa wants to disappear.

"I'm sorry," she breathes out, her voice making her sound like a small child. She wipes at her eyes, feeling even more foolish for crying about it.

Jennie looks mildly bewildered. "For what?"

Lisa gestures around the room. Jennie's shoes are still on the floor by the couch, but other than that, there's no evidence of what just occurred. Except, maybe the marks on their skin and the echoes of Jennie's touch. "I wasn't thinking, and I should be thinking when it comes to you, because I don't want to do anything to upset you. You deserve better than just... me, like this. Changing my mind. Not knowing anything."

"Lisa, I'm not upset." Jennie says immediately, frowning for a moment. "Or angry. Changing your mind isn't wrong." She lets out a breath, her face softening again. "Look, I started this, I should've kept a lid on it. I told myself I wouldn't push the boundary with you and I did, and I'm sorry. I'd blame the alcohol, but..."

Only a few drinks each, several hours ago. They both know it's not that.

Lisa shakes her head quickly. "No. You did nothing, you're..." Lovely. Perfect, in the only way a flawed being can be. Lisa is still unable to completely commit to looking her in the eye. There are tears in hers that no amount of blinking seems to get rid of. "It's me. I'm not..." She falters. She's no good. Not like this.

Jennie just looks at her. "Do you... want this?"

It's the question she'd been preparing herself for, but she wavers all the same. "Of course I..." Her breathing is still shaky, as if her lungs themselves are trembling. "I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't... I do, Jennie, but I..."

"Hey," Jennie murmurs, determination coating her tone. "It's okay to not be ready."

Lisa feels a pitiful wave wash over her. It feels humiliating to admit, especially to someone like Jennie, who feels so much more experienced in these sorts of things. That's when her lower lip begins to wobble, and Jennie places a hand on her back, sliding herself closer.

"Please don't cry," Jennie whispers, reaching out her other hand before hesitating. "Can I...?"

Lisa nods, and Jennie's hand is at her cheek, wiping away the few tears that fall. Her hand remains, and Lisa knows her emotions are all over the place when all she wants to do is kiss her again.

"What do you need?" She asks, her hand rubbing up and down Lisa's back. "I think now's the perfect time for that champagne, don't you?"

Lisa laughs, and it bubbles out through her tears, through the thickness in her throat. Jennie's face brightens immediately, like she's won the lottery, and there's even a satisfied expression she tries to hide.

"I've been back for, what, less than two weeks? I would never expect you to be ready so soon. Shit, I don't expect anything. If you told me to fuck off right now because you didn't want this at all, I would." She sucks in a deep breath. "I would do... whatever you want me to, Lisa. I would do anything." Her voice lowers, her head ducking. "Anything to make you laugh like that."

"Jennie..." The feeling in Lisa's chest sinks low, swooping into her stomach. It threatens to pull her towards Jennie like a magnet. She wants to fall back into her. She wants to pick up where they left off.

She's afraid she's falling in love with her right here, just in the silence of this room. In this small pocket of time and space carved out just for the two of them. It's the first time she's allowed herself to put a name to the feeling.
She distracts herself by wiping at the remnants of her tears.

"Too much?" Jennie's voice drifts into her periphery.

"No," she responds. "Not too much. It's just..." She lowers her voice, as if her next words are a secret. "I will kiss you again if you keep going and that might be unwise."

Jennie's cheeks flush in the low light, and Lisa feels blessed just to have witnessed it. "That's..." She laughs, and it almost sounds... nervous? There's a certain effect they have on each other that Lisa just can't quantify. "As tempting as a friends with benefits situation with you sounds... Like, really tempting..." She chuckles. "You're more important than that."

Lisa smiles, and she feels it bloom inside of her. If the context were any different, she'd be floating in euphoria right now. The level of respect Jennie has for her, she truly didn't think it existed. She didn't think people like her existed. Or, maybe she just didn't think those people would ever be drawn to her the way Jennie seemingly is.

"And I will kiss you again if you keep looking at me like that."

Lisa blinks, realising she'd been staring, near-dazed, directly at her. A flush crawls up her body as she lets the words sink in. "I'm sorry, I..." I think I'm terrified of you. I think you could either break me or piece me together. I think you're wondrous. Ruinous. I think there's a reason I found you and I can't put it into words. I've believed before and it only brought me grief, I don't know how to believe in this. "Maybe I could..." She sighs, entirely unsure of what to do. This is uncharted territory, to say the least. "Maybe I could call Yasmine? I could stay at her place for a few days."

"What? No." Jennie says quickly, panicked, as she reaches over and takes her hand, as if that will anchor her to this spot. "Why would you do that? You don't have to go anywhere."

Lisa's heart stutters. It's a complete one-eighty from a few moments ago, but she understands it perfectly: Jennie's afraid, too. For different reasons, of course, but it makes sense. She'd been so busy feeling her own emotions that Jennie's have only just caught up to her.

"Please, just... You can say anything, I'll sleep on the couch, I'll back off completely, I don't care. Just... don't leave." Jennie's voice wavers now, and it rips through Lisa's chest far more aggressively than anything else tonight has.

Lisa shakes her head, immediately tending to her. "Hey, I won't, okay? I won't." She focuses on Jennie's hand in hers, shifting it slightly so she can interlock their fingers. "I'm sorry, I'm just— Giving each other some space just seemed like the logical thing to do."

Jennie stares down at their hands. "Do you want space?"

"No." She doesn't need it, either. Not from Jennie. Being away from her won't make her more ready. "Just... time, I suppose. Perhaps some patience. I don't want to ask for too much."

Jennie lets out a shuddering breath of her own, releasing the anxiety from her body. "Okay." There's something about Jennie that makes her wonder if she recharges simply from proximity. She seems so much calmer whenever Lisa is in touching range. "It's not too much. You take whatever you need."

Lisa only nods.

"Lisa, I..." Her gaze returns to that fatally precious state, the one that brings Lisa to her knees. "I came back for you. Which, I'm sure is super obvious by now, but I have to say it, 'cause I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to. And I'm not going to pressure you. I just... want to be here."

Lisa closes her eyes, inhaling deeply. She doesn't know how she feels about Jennie waiting for her, but there isn't a single cell in her body that could tell her to go. She doesn't even want to imagine the look on her face if she did something like that. "Are you sure you didn't return for the charming small town life?"

Jennie smiles brightly, and it relieves some of the tension in Lisa's shoulders.

"You leaving is what I was afraid of... I don't know, I didn't want to allow myself to get too close."

Jennie begins shaking her head before she's finished speaking. "I'm not leaving, I promise. I don't want that to influence anything, okay? I don't want you to think I'm gonna leave if you're taking too long."

Lisa nods again, allowing herself to feel the fear washing away. Jennie's staying. Jennie's staying and just knowing that feels like a milestone in itself.

"We should... talk more," Lisa decides. "Tomorrow. I'm a little... overwhelmed right now."

"Tomorrow," Jennie echoes with a nod. "I'm gonna take the couch and you're gonna get some rest. Okay?"

Lisa raises an eyebrow, her lips quirking upwards.

"Wow. Sorry." Jennie frowns. "That was really bossy. Very unlike me. I really need to go back to being cute and fun."

"I'm sure that won't be difficult for you," Lisa teases. "Come on, I'll make up the couch for you." She'll be glad to have something to do with her hands so she isn't thinking about them sliding up Jennie's dress.

Neither of them move, their hands still joined. The gravity of the moment settles down around them like a palpable weight. So much has occurred in the last fifteen minutes that Lisa simply feels paralysed by it all.

And when Lisa goes to bed that night, alone, she misses the space Jennie would close in her sleep. The hand in hers. The nose against her shoulder.

Still, there's the small piece of knowledge, the tiny flicker of light. There's something between them, reciprocated. It's a tenuous hope, held by a gossamer thread. It's not set in stone, and Lisa will not treat it as such. She will give it the graceful touch it deserves, and not skip a single step in the path that will decisively, inevitably lead her to Jennie.

And that chance is enough to keep her afloat. Just a buoy on the waves, with no choice but to trust the beacon in the long, dark night.