Piers: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Chris is? Because Chris is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.
//
Leon: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.
(Y/N): Wow, I've gotta hear this.
Leon: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.
(Y/N): You forgot pride.
Leon: No, I'm pretty proud of this.
//
Chris: Heh, Leon sneezes like a girl.
Leon: How about I pound you like boy?
Leon: That didn't come out right.
//
(Y/N): Hey, I'm getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?
Finn: ...Have you never taken a shower before?
//
(Y/N): Make her pussy wet not her eyes.
Jake: Make his dick hard not his life.
Piers: Break her bed not her heart.
Chris: Play with her boobs not her feelings.
Leon: Get on his dick not his nerves.
Finn: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.
//
Piers: I put the pun in punishment.
Leon: I put the top in unstoppable.
Finn: I put the cute in execute.
Chris: I put the sexy in dyslexia.
(Y/N): I put the ass in class.
Jake: I put the D in Piers.
//
Finn: Hey guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
Jake, Leon, and (Y/N): No!
Chris: Alright, that's it, you guys. What happened out there?
Jake: What? We took a walk. Nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me.
Chris: What does that mean?
Finn: Come on, what happened? Leon?
Leon: Alright.
Jake: No. Leon, we swore we'd never tell!
(Y/N): They'll never understand.
Leon: But we have to say something. We have to get it out. It's eating me alive.
Leon: Jake got stung by a jellyfish!
Jake: Alright! I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn't stand. I- I couldn't walk.
(Y/N): We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn't think we could make it.
Jake: I was in too much pain.
Leon: And I was tired from digging a huge hole.
(Y/N): And then Leon remembered something.
Leon: I'd seen this thing in the Discovery Channel.
Finn: Wait a minute, I saw that. On the Discovery Channel. Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you— EW! You peed on yourself?
Chris and Piers: EW!!
Jake: You can't say that! You don't know! I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't... bend that way. So... *looks at Leon*
Finn, Chris, and Piers: Ew!
Leon: That's right. I stepped up. They're my friend and they needed help. If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
Leon: Only, uh, I couldn't. I got stage fright. I wanted to help but there was too much pressure. So, I, um, I turned to (Y/N).
(Y/N): Leon kept screaming at me, "Do it now. Do it. Do it now." Sometimes, late at night I can still hear the screaming.
Leon: That's because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.
//
Chris: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!
Leon: Um...Neat.
*later*
Leon, lying face down on his bed: I said "Neat," Piers. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.
Piers, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Leon. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when (Y/N) confessed their love for me?
Leon: Didn't you thank them?
Piers: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked them.
//
(Y/N): I'm this close to falling in love with Finn.
Piers: Your fingertips are touching.
(Y/N): Exactly.
//
Chris: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?
(Y/N): Like its slips on and off really easily.
Chris:
(Y/N): No, I didn't mean it like that-
Wesker: We know what you meant.
//
*at 3am*
Rebecca: *runs into (Y/N)'s room and turns on the light* Wake up sleepyhead!
(Y/N): *wakes up* Dude!
Rebecca: *cackles*
Jill: *sits up from where she was sleeping behind (Y/N)* What the fuck, Rebecca?
Rebecca: *jaw drops* Wait WHAT-
//
Brad: sapnu puaS.
Wesker: What??
(Y/N): What language is that.
Brad: Turn your phone 180 degrees.
*Brad was removed from the groupchat*
//
Chris: *Gasp*
Brad: wHAT??
Chris: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Brad: *inhales*
(Y/N), in another room with Jill: Why can I hear screeching?
//
(Y/N): look Chris, I'm not slut shaming you but...
(Y/N): Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.
//
Jill, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?
Chris: Blue flavor!
Jill: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?
Chris: Blue flavor! Blue flavor!
Jill: Blue is not a flavor!
Chris: BLUE FLAVOR!
//
Cop: What are your names?
(Y/N): Don't tell them, Brad.
Cop, writing: Brad...
(Y/N): Crap.
Brad: Nice going, (Y/N).
Cop:
Brad: Uh oh.
//
(Y/N): As top in this relationship, I think we should-
Chris: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.
//
Jill: What do you do when someone offers you drugs?
Wesker: Take them!
Brad: Punch them in the neck!
Rebecca: Say thank you!
(Y/N): Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!
Jill: ...
Jill: No.
//
(Y/N): I truly hate it here <3
Brad: Now replace "it" with "women". Not so funny now, is it?
Leon: Now replace "it" with "women". Not so funny now, is women?
Piers: Now replace "funny" with "women". Not so women now, is funny?
Chris: I'm having a fucking stroke.
Leon: Now replace "stroke" with "baby". Congratulations!
//
Chris: You're too later, Superdorks! You'll never stop me now!
Brad: That's where you're wrong, evildoer! We WILL stop you, with the powers of:
Jill: Friendship!
(Y/N): Harmony!
Piers: Incredible violence.
Brad: And love!
//
Jill: We need a way to lure in new customers?
Piers: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!
(Y/N): Chris bath water.
Chris: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
//
(Y/N): Made you all playlists!
(Y/N): Jill, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.
(Y/N): Chris, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.
(Y/N): And Piers has the ABBA Gold album.
//
(Y/N): *about Leon and Wesker* They make a cute couple, huh?
Piers: They certainly are standing next to each other.
//
Piers: Why do you look like that?
(Y/N), laying face-first on the floor: Like what?
Piers: Like you're dead.
(Y/N): It's because I'm dying. Leave me here to perish.
Jill: (Y/N) accidentally called Chris "babe" in front of everyone today.
(Y/N): *sobs into the floor*
//
Chris: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?
Wesker: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Chris: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.
Wesker: But I heard a siren.
Jill: That was (Y/N).
(Y/N): Sorry, I got nervous.
//
Leon: ARE YOU-
(Y/N): Fucking.
Leon: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
(Y/N): Fucking.
Leon: IDIOT!
Chris: ...What was that?
(Y/N): Wesker banned Leon from swearing, so I'm helping him out.
//
Chris, teaching Leon to drive: Okay, you're driving and (Y\N) and Piers walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Leon: Oh, definitely Piers. I could never hurt (Y\N).
Chris, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.
//
(Y\N): Piers, you'll be working with Wesker and Chris.
Piers: Alright! My fantasy threesome!
Everyone else: *blank stares*
Piers: ...Of people on a team.
//
Wesker: Where's (Y\N)?
Chris: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Chris, shouting: Piers sucks!
(Y\N), distantly: Piers is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Chris: Found them.
//
(Y\N), writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."
(Y\N): THERE. Now send it.
Piers:: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-
(Y\N): JUST DO IT!
later
Leon: So what does it say?
Wesker, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."
Leon:
Wesker:
Leon: Gross-
//
Hi.... It's been a minute. If I'm being honest, I can't bring myself out of writer's block, I'm trying really hard. But I just can't, I feel to insecure about my writing.
But! I'll try harder, and hopefully get something out this month!
Love you guys! :)