"Miyasha, are you alright?"
My thoughts that had been running a thousand miles per second stopped at once at Oyakata-sama's question, immediately jolting me back to the ongoing conversation as I realized that everyone around me was looking at me with worried expressions.
"I apologise," I quickly bowed my head and apologised before giving a reassuring smile, which didn't seem to reassure Oyakata-sama much as his expression turned even more concerned.
It didn't make it any better that he wasn't the only one giving me that look.
"Miya-chan," Even Hitoshi's voice sounded worried as he continued, "You don't have to come with us if you are tired."
"We can collect intel on our own as we always did," Hiroshi added, "We have done so for quite a few years."
"I'm absolutely fine, Hiro-aniki, Toshi-aniki," the corner of my lips curved into a genuine smile as I adjusted my glasses, "I'm just... preoccupied with some thoughts. I genuinely apologise for my recurring mistakes. Please forgive me."
It hadn't even been a day since I returned from my previous mission that Oyakata-sama called me for another one — something, which I appreciated a lot this time since I needed a distraction right now.
Even better was the fact that it was with the twins, giving me the chance to relax and act without pretences as I knew the twins wouldn't mind seeing me act sloppily.
After all, we were used to seeing each other act that way.
"Are you sure you would like to leave immediately?" Hiroshi asked as soon as we left the Headquarters and started walking towards the Butterfly Estate, a frown etched on his face as he worried for me needlessly.
"Yep," I replied affirmatively as I pushed my glasses up my nose, "I'm fine. I'm not as tired as I look and trust me when I say I worked with even worse exhaustion than this."
Especially during my internship days in my past life. That was one hellish nightmare that I'm glad I wouldn't need to repeat in this life as well.
However, the current emotional turmoil that I was facing felt much worse than that, if I had to be honest.
It hadn't even been a day since I confessed to Giyuu — then promptly ran away too, since I'm a cowardly piece of shit who didn't know how to handle the situation when I couldn't even bring myself to imagine looking into those blue eyes of his again.
Even now when I think back to it, all I could remember was seeing his desperate blue eyes begging for me to let him in.
And that made my heart ache more than anything.
I shook my head while increasing my speed. I need to think about these things later.
Later, when I was more stable and could finally decide on what I wanted to do in the future.
Later, when I was done processing my feelings and what to do with them.
Later, when... Later.
Right now, I just needed to get out of this place before Giyuu could find me and take some much-needed time to sort myself out. I was currently a messy ball of emotions and didn't even know how to handle that at all.
"So, why are we going back to the Butterfly Estate, again?"
"To get my white satchel, Toshi-aniki," I huffed, "I ain't going without any preparations, even if the mission's nothing more than collecting intel."
"...then can we do it a bit faster?"
"God, Hito, shut up."
"I agree with Hiro-aniki, please kindly quiet down."
"You both are so mean!"
(~<>~)
A cold breeze gently caressed the trees around us as we went through several houses in a flash, the somewhat cool air making me feel more refreshed than anything as I swiftly followed the twins without a word.
Currently, we were passing through the places where demon slayers were dispatched in the last week as per the reports given to the twins; most of these towns and rural areas being cleared of demons while some...
Well, some were beyond damaged and ruined because of the fights and demonic attacks.
"I still don't get why there's an influx of demons all of a sudden?" Hiroshi wondered out loud once we took a detour on the rooftop of an abandoned house, "I know demons were becoming as active as ever but still, it shouldn't be this fast."
"That's true," I agreed as I cleaned my glasses with the corners of my haori, "The number of new demons has increased obnoxiously and handling them has become even more dangerous, considering how many of them roam around in loose groups."
"Loose groups?" Hitoshi raised an eyebrow at me as he finally looked up from the report he was writing.
"Yep," I continued to elaborate while putting my glasses back on, "Since demons don't usually group together, these newly made ones aren't intentionally grouping but rather gathering in the same places. At least, that's what I noticed happening in my mission with Shinazugawa-san."
"We were told the same by the other Slayers as well," Hitoshi added as he looked back at the half-written report in his hand, "Even Tengen faced that when he was out a few days ago."
"Oyakata-sama did mention that, I remember," I admitted as I sat down on the roof, "So did Zenitsu, to be honest. Thankfully, for his case, he didn't have to handle more than two together since there were other slayers fighting beside him."
"That still doesn't answer my question, though," Hiroshi jokingly complained as he sat beside me, "Maybe it's because you stopped hunting demons by yourself independently?"
"That's the only answer left, huh?" I sarcastically questioned as I made a face at them, to which both the twins giggled.
"That's a plausible reasoning if you ask me!"
"That's why no one is asking you, Toshi-aniki."
My reply made Hiroshi almost slip down the rooftop as he laughed his ass off, making me shake my head while Hitoshi grabbed his twin and dragged him back to a safer position.
"Most of the said influx is of new demons, too," I pointed out absent-mindedly as I looked down at the desolate place, "Like literal incoherent ones that were created quite recently."
"You can differentiate them?" Hitoshi asked curiously as he finally sat down as well.
"Maybe they were animalistic and incoherent anyway," Hiroshi countered, "Not all demons can retain their intelligence after becoming one."
"That's true," I answered, "But there are some things that make those demons different from newly converted ones. And yes, I can differentiate them — all you need to do is make a timeline of their attack on the area reported and how many victims they had."
"Ah," Hiroshi nodded as he immediately caught onto my reasoning, "You are determining it on the basis of the number of victims since most new demons have monstrous 'hunger' that makes them attack and eat a lot of humans after their conversion."
"But what if they do that across several towns and not just one and we aren't able to determine that for sure?" Hitoshi asked curiously.
"Then look at their mannerisms," I shrugged, "Many of the new demons, if not all, are not used to their strength or blood art at all. So, when you fight them, you'll notice it easily how they are more reliant on their subconscious instinct to eat and not die than actively hunting you down, does that make sense?"
"It does, actually," Hitoshi sounded impressed as he continued, "You definitely have some really amazing observation skills to notice these things, Miya-chan. How much time did it take you to deduce these facts? A month?"
"No, a week," I gave them a wry smile, "It isn't much difficult to deduce if you focus on trying to determine their hierarchy on the basis of their prowess and I had to do that to make it easier for me to hunt demons down alone."
"You should have joined Demon Slayers earlier, Miya," Hiroshi added off-handedly with a smile, "Your skills would have changed the whole system we have right now."
"And here I thought you wanted me to retire as soon as I joined," I joked, making both the twins grimace at the truth behind my words.
"That..." Hitoshi cleared his throat awkwardly, "Well, that was very foolish of us, and we both apologise."
I smiled at his words, reassuring them that it was alright before Hiroshi added, "Yes, but honestly, it would have been great if you had joined us and done all that with us within the corporation."
"That's true," Hitoshi agreed as he leaned back on the rooftop, "You know more about demons than any of us Hashiras and apparently your intel network is nothing to sneeze at either."
"The amount of bragging Tengen did for you was unholy."
"So, you both got jealous, huh?" I teased, grinning as they both gave me a look from each side.
"Yep," Hiroshi admitted shamelessly, "We got jealous of how you brought Uzui with you for intel gathering instead of us."
"You both are such dorks," I huffed a laugh as their words surprised me, "Well, I brought you both with me now, right? So, no need to be jealous of that poor guy."
"Tengen? Poor guy? As if."
I couldn't help but chuckle as I genuinely did agree with Hiroshi there. Uzui was anything but pitiful.
I leaned back on the roof as we continued chatting, our conversation topic shifting from the things we had to cover today to how the twins got started on all this in the first place.
Honestly speaking, it surprised me beyond words when I got to know that the twins were the backbone of the informant network of the Ubuyashiki Household, which included the collection of information for not only the Demon Slayer Corps but also the businesses and personal matters under the aforesaid Household.
This meant that they had a hand in almost all types of information including political as well as international.
I was beyond impressed when I heard about their own experiences while building their networking system, most of which were so diverse that it honestly made the ache in my head worse with its vastness.
Then again, I didn't expect any less from the twins.
"It's impressive how you both built all this in just four years," I complimented them, "I mean, you guys have connections even to some of the governors, by God. I'm genuinely speechless at how amazing that is."
"It's nothing, trust me," Hitoshi waved off my praises, "Oyakata-sama already had a lot of connections sorted out. We just keep them up-to-date and report to him."
"Bullshit," I shook my head, "That is literally the most difficult part; considering how to keep up with those connections, you need relevant information and the skill to use the right information at the right time and place."
"True," Hiroshi agreed, "But then you are even more impressive, given how you started from scratch unlike us."
I shrugged, "I had knowledge and I just knew how to use it. Once you realize what the other party needs, it's easy to create a bridge."
"It's funny how you were doing the same thing as us two even when none of us were aware of it," Hitoshi pointed out, making me snort before I started laughing.
"God, that's true," I huffed out another laugh, "Maybe that's why Oyakata-sama wasn't that surprised. But, to be fair, my information is more demon and Muzan-centric than yours."
"And that's the actual need," Hiroshi pointed out, "Our network is wide and good but gets very diluted. The most we can get out is where demon occurrences might be happening."
"That is very useful, please," I waved him off, "You have no idea how painful it was to get that info, given how many times I caught more human murderers and petty criminals than demons."
"That'll explain your network extending to the police then."
"I know right?" I laughed at my own luck, "At least that was one good thing that came out of it, I guess. I also got to erase all the records of the Demon Slayers listed as wanted criminals since you guys apparently don't know how to work incognito."
"Hey, that's not our fault," Hitoshi took offence to my comment, "We work efficiently and quietly, mind you! It's the lower ranks newbies."
"Ah, that's true," I sighed, "Though, some Hashiras also had their names in there, I won't lie. It took me two months to haggle those filed outta them and even then they only removed those from the local police stations. They still have those filed somewhere in their department and I'm planning to raid them once we get done with all this Muzan business."
"Very optimistic of you to think we'll be able to 'get done' with Muzan," Hiroshi pointed as I gave him a sly grin.
"I have a feeling you will."
"That's very confident of you, Miya-chan. It's rare to see you this certain about anything."
I turned to Hitoshi and smiled, "Eh, I have been certain about a lot of things, I assure you. Though, I don't know about this mission considering I haven't seen you write one single word after sitting down, Toshi-aniki."
"I'm writing, I'm writing!"
"Even the ink of the quill has dried, Hito."
"Both of you, shut up!"
"Do you want me to help you write that, Aniki?"
"Stop distracting me!"
"Then just stop being distracted."
.
.
...
A yawn escaped my lips as I rubbed my tired eyes, feeling the burn deep in my eyeballs spread to my entire head as exhaustion seeped through every inch of my body.
"You good?" Hitoshi asked off-handedly as he handed me the bamboo flask, "You can go back if you want, or maybe we can get an inn for you to rest in?"
"No need," I gulped down the water offered to me before brushing off the droplets dripping from the corner of my lips, "I'm fine. Just a bit tired."
"If this is your 'a bit' then your absolute exhaustion must be fatal."
I gave Hitoshi a look before turning to Hiroshi who just came back from the police station.
I was fine, honestly. Just a bit exhausted since it was my second continuous mission and I had to walk around a lot.
Then again, intel gathering was mostly that only — walking, talking and writing down the information acquired.
It was tiring but what could be done, anyway?
"Sorry for asking to come with us like this," Hitoshi apologised as he gently caressed my head, "Your network is specialized in all this and we genuinely needed that."
"And you did good by asking me," I yawned again before continuing, "It gives me a good chance to connect with some of your informants while showing you mine."
"Those beggars and servers were the most useful ones," Hiroshi admitted as he neatly arranged all the documents in his hand, "Police ones too, but apparently you conduct them through a specific officer?"
"Yes, Yamagata-san," I nodded as I put my glasses back on, "Unfortunately, he is out right now, so I couldn't introduce you to him."
"It's fine, there's always a next time."
"So, where next?" I asked as I looked up at the already dark sky, "Or would you prefer to continue it tomorrow?"
"I'm good with both," Hitoshi shrugged while Hiroshi looked conflicted.
"It would be better if we could wrap up today only," Hiroshi admitted, "With the number of demons coming down..."
"That's understandable," I immediately agreed, "So, let's move on to the next place — it should be the Flower District, right?" The worried look both twins gave me made me deadpan at them, "Don't look at me like that! I have a very good network there and it's safe there now, considering how the Upper Demon Moon siblings were booted out just a month or so ago."
"What about your mother?" Hiroshi asked directly, making Hitoshi squeak before he smacked his brother for being that direct and insensitive.
"It's fine, Aniki," I assured them both, "Also, my mother and the Brothel I was born in were on the western side of the Kurto district, so there's next to no one there who will recognise me, if that's what you are worried about."
Even the 'person' who would have been able to recognise me was annihilated last month, so it didn't matter anymore.
"Sorry for bringing that up," Hiroshi apologised, giving me a gentle look as he extended his hand to pet me.
"It's fine, trust me."
"Your voice sounds very down and dull."
"Wait, really?" I forced myself to chuckle as I rubbed the back of my neck, "I mean, I'm genuinely fine, I don't know what to say beyond that. It's not like I'm still affected by it. I'm over it already, yes."
"You should take time to sit with your emotions, Miyasha. That'll help you understand what we are saying better," Hitoshi suggested wryly, before turning away as he changed the topic, "Anyway, to the Red District then?"
"All three of us or should we divide?" I decided to let go of the topic too since I was in no mood to continue, given how exhausted I was feeling already, "Won't it be better if we divide? I can cover the brothels while you two focus on another town and then we meet later? That'll be much faster."
"I would rather be going with you than leave you alone," Hiroshi countered as Hitoshi added, "Not to mention, with your reputation as a Demon magnet, we would rather prefer you sticking to us."
"Eh," I didn't disagree, given how I had nothing to prove them otherwise anyway, "I ain't gonna be the one complaining if this extends till tomorrow then, just so you know."
"Let it be extended then. I'm not risking your safety over these things." Hiroshi stated firmly, triggering something inside me that genuinely wanted to jump and disagree with them to defend myself, even when I knew he was technically correct.
"Well, let that be so," I huffed, "So, now, tell me how would you like to go in — as customers or dressed as courtesans?"
Two baffled looks greeted me as I repeated the question again but slowly.
However, both still continued to look at me with matching horrified expressions; as if I just declared that Shigeno-sensei was getting married.
"How, how do you go in there, usually?" Hitoshi asked me cautiously.
"Dressed as a courtesan returning from the lower houses, which are typically used for those who are sick. But I did try going as a customer once or twice in the beginning."
"Customer?" It was almost funny how bemused Hiroshi looked at the moment.
"Yes?" I could feel my grin growing as I continued, "Many brothels take females in as customers, too. Though, I did dress up as a man to go in, to avoid being recognised." I hummed as I gave them a look from top to bottom, "Well, I think you both will look better as customers than courtesans, so let's go with tha—"
"No!" They yelled in unison, startling me quite a bit as I instantly put my hands up and took a step back in surprise.
"Woah, woah, what happened? What?"
"Absolutely not!" Hitoshi repeated, "I would rather just wait for you outside than, than go inside as a customer. Absolutely not."
"It's almost disrespectful," Hiroshi agreed as he immediately shook his head in a panic, "You go in and we will wait."
"What? Disrespectful? To whom?"
The twins shared a look before turning to me, "To, uh, you?"
"Eh? Wha—?"
"I mean," Hiroshi cleared his throat, "You, uh, you were almost a courtesan, too and I, uh, we just feel uncomfortable opting for such services even if they are only for missions. You get it?"
"You feel," I couldn't help the amusement seeping into my words as I asked, "Uncomfortable since you imagine the courtesans as me?"
Both grimaced and flinched at my wording, making me bite my lip in laughter.
"I would prefer the term sister," Hitoshi added helpfully, "We imagine them as someone's sister. Not to mention, we don't like such services at all. I mean, we don't have any issues with it but I personally don't like... this. As a man, I mean. I don't know how to explain this anymore."
"Same here," Hiroshi agreed as he grimaced again, "I'm good with females as coworkers but, uh, sex is not my thing, thanks."
"And who said that's the only service you can opt for?" I grinned as their necks whipped towards me so fast that I could hear them crack, "Many courtesans, especially Oirans, also provide non-sexual, simple services like traditional dances, singing songs and even playing musical instruments of your liking. Don't you think that'll be the best way to approach them and converse with them than opting to sleep with them?"
I could no longer control my laughter as I laughed out loud at how red their faces were. Even their ears and neck turned red when I explained that courtesans could provide other services too.
My fit of laughter didn't stop until much later when we took a detour to change our outfits in the Wisteria House. I changed into a simple but nice kimono while the twins went with their causal outfits to blend in between the people and wait for me right outside the brothel in case anything happened.
"Removed your glasses?" Hiroshi asked as he gave my whole outfit a look, "You look good."
"Thanks and so do you," I complimented him off-handedly as I put my dyed brown hair up in a bun, "Where's Toshi-aniki?"
"Talking to the host of this place," Hiroshi frowned as he looked at my hair, "Will be back in a minute. Also, is that dye in your hair? Where did you buy it from?"
"Made it myself," I admitted as I looked myself over in the mirror once to make sure I looked presentable, "It is temporary and fades away after one wash. Why, would you like me to make some for you too?"
"No," his answer was short as he stood behind me, looking at me through the mirror with a grin, "We look like actual siblings now."
"That's true," I smiled at his enthusiasm, noticing how I had ironically chosen a similar shade of brown to the twins' hair to dye my own hair with.
And to think this was my go-to shade for hair dye too, huh.
"Maybe I think about you two even when I'm not actively doing so," I absent-mindedly stated as I looked towards the door, "Maybe that's why I always end up doing things similar to you both."
I turned to Hiroshi as I could feel Hitoshi approaching us, blinking when I noticed how stunned he looked.
"What happened?"
"You," he gave me a look as we both heard Hitoshi come in through the door, "You genuinely say such things so off-handedly, huh? What a smooth talker."
I gave him a confused look while Hitoshi barged in, causing a ruckus as he always did while we amicably teased each other.
It honestly felt good, talking with the twins like this while travelling around, doing what we did best. Gave me both the feeling of purpose and, well.
Helped me avoid thinking about some things, too.
I could see my smile dim as I looked back in the mirror to flatten my bangs. I could also see the exhaustion dripping down my face once I stopped forcing my expressions.
I was just running away from things. Again.
And while I hated it, I also didn't know how to do anything except it either. Or at least, that was the only thing I kept repeating to myself.
"Why looking so down?" Hitoshi asked in a very casual tone as he leaned on me to look in the mirror as well, "You look good anyway."
I appreciated how he asked it casually enough to give me an out of the conversation if I wanted, and honestly, I almost took it as well — before shaking my head and sighing as I admitted to them that a few things were plaguing my mind.
"What if," I hesitated before continuing anyway, " What if you knew what would happen in the future — would you change it? Would you change the outcome if you had all the knowledge to do so?"
"Well," Hitoshi paused before shrugging carelessly, "I don't know. Maybe I'll change it, maybe I won't. It'll depend on what I've seen happening in the future, I guess."
"So, you won't choose do to anything?"
"I think not doing anything is also a choice," Hiroshi added as he leaned on Hitoshi from the back, "It means choosing the certainty of what I've seen."
"And what if choosing that certainty leads to the misery of others?"
"I mean, if not doing anything leads to that anyway, then maybe it was in their destiny, after all." Hitoshi pointed out, "It's futile to assume that you doing anything would change the result either."
"It's almost arrogant to think that," Hiroshi added, his voice coloured with amusement.
"Arrogant? How so?"
"Think about it; assuming that you can change something that was bound to happen and already has happened is nothing short of arrogance."
"But what if you can change it?" I pushed in on the point, "What if that is the reason why you might have been given the knowledge in the first place?"
"That's a hard question to answer," Hitoshi admitted as he repositioned his chin on my head to make himself more comfortable, "I mean, I will change the future if it's that bad but even if I do, it shouldn't be my duty alone to take the burden. Just because I knew what would happen without my intervention, doesn't mean what happens after my intervention is my responsibility. At least not completely."
"There are way too many factors and variables to only focus or blame on one person," Hiroshi added as he finally left the pile to move away and give us some space, "Not to mention, it's not possible anyway."
"What is not possible?"
"Knowing the future," he explained simply, "Even when you know what is going to happen and don't act on it, you'll still change it. Because the future is never set in stone and what you are shown is just the product of the past actions. If you have been given the knowledge of the 'future' then it'll affect that 'future' as well and it'll turn out to be different."
"Yeah," Hitoshi agreed wholeheartedly as he moved away from my back, "Whatever he said."
"And what if you know someone is going to die?" I could feel my heart in my ears as I asked, "What would you do then?"
"Is it someone I know? Is it someone I love?" Hitoshi tilted his head as he answered, "If yes then I'll change it. If no, then maybe, maybe not? We can't help everyone or reach out to everyone — sometimes we don't even have the means to do it. So, it'll depend if I can or cannot. But if it's someone I care about, I'll do everything to change their future even if I have to go against the odds."
"It'll be funny if you know someone will die before getting to know them," Hiroshi mused as he leaned on me this time, "That'll make one feel very guilty if they didn't change the future."
"Would you, though?"
"What, change the future?"
"No," I shook my head, "Will you be willing to get close to someone who you know will die? Will you let yourself fall in love with a person who you know will die or have a high chance of dying?"
"Of course," It surprised me how naturally Hiroshi answered, "Who doesn't have a high chance of death, anyway? Especially in the Demon Slayer Corps."
"In life too, Hiro. We ain't living forever."
"No, no, I meant if you knew when they were gonna die."
"Even then I won't mind," Hiroshi reaffirmed his previous contention, "In fact, I would love that person even more, given I'll know how short of a time we will have together. Though, I will try to change their future too, if possible."
"You will love them and try to save them, huh?" I closed my eyes as I let his words sink in, my stomach feeling more and more queasy as we discussed things so close to the truth, "What if you aren't able to?"
"Save is very heavy of a word," Hitoshi replied as he reached out to pat me, "I'd prefer 'changing the future.' And well, if we aren't able to? Then, well, we at least made their last few months or years more memorable."
"Will you tell them you knew about the future, if it contains their misery?"
"I wouldn't," Hiroshi replied instantly, "Sometimes, it's better to be oblivious to some things and this is definitely one of those things."
"I will, though," Hitoshi admitted, "I mean, I love that person, right? Or at least, care for them. Then why wouldn't I just tell them to prevent their misery? That'll be the easiest way out."
"And what if they don't trust you?"
"Then I'll be a pest to them and annoy them to the extent they at least remember my warnings," Hitoshi replied half-jokingly, "Even that'll help them prevent a lot of the misery, I bet."
"That's for sure," Hiroshi clapped his twin's back as he went for the door, "Now, let's move out of the hypotheticals and onto the real world, if we want to finish this tonight."
"Anyway," Hitoshi ignored him, "I hope we helped answer some of your questions. Why were you worrying about these things anyway?"
"No, just," I forced myself to chuckle as I started moving too, "I can't help but wonder about such things."
"Very gloomy things to think about," he commented as he patted me again, "I told you that you should have rested a bit."
"I'm fine, trust me. I'm not that tired."
"You look like you have been walking for twenty years, Miyasha."
The look I gave him made him laugh out loud before Hiroshi quipped something back to start another banter between the three of us.
(~<>~)
"Where to, next?" I asked softly as I looked around us, the never-ending darkness of the night greeting me back while we stood in the middle of an unexplored trail.
Even with my eyes used to the darkness, all I could see was a whole lot of trees and a few bushes here and there.
"Nara District," Hitoshi yawned as he relayed, "That's the last destination for today and then we can rest tomorrow."
"Today, you say," I fixed him a look, "It's already the next day, Aniki."
"I call it night, but okay."
"You know I didn't mean it that wa—"
"Both of you, shut up," Hiroshi's annoyed voice interrupted us, making the two of us quieten as we looked at each other innocently, "We still have a shit ton of work to do, so if you aren't discussing the mission, shut up. I don't want to hear you both yapping about your nonsensical shit again."
"We understand, Master," Hitoshi replied sassily, making me bite my lip to avoid laughing while Hiroshi made a face at the way he was suddenly addressed.
It was already past midnight when we were finally able to leave the Flower District; the whole endeavour feeling quite fruitful since the intel we collected from there was more vast and relevant than we had ever expected to get.
Especially when it came to the political and social information we got this time.
Intel about demons? Unfortunately, not so much.
'Though, it was still good to see that everything was going well there,' I mused silently as we started moving again, my eyes feeling even more watery as the cold breeze rushed past us.
The Red District seemed to have recovered completely from the fight we had there about a month and a half ago, making me feel somewhat relieved as I noticed how the lower Houses were almost rebuilt again, too.
Thankfully, since we were able to contain most of our fight to the lower houses, the resulting destruction didn't attract much attention from the public or the authorities beyond the minimum.
And even that was resolved and buried down by us while we were there.
I took a deep breath as a shiver went down my spine at the cool atmosphere around me; since it was still winter, the breeze was quite harsh and freezing, which only became worse when we ran through it.
At least it wasn't snowing in this area, thankfully enough.
It wasn't until an hour or two later that we made a detour to a suburban town, taking a break from our continuous journey as we drank water and looked around us.
"Where are we?" Hitoshi asked off-handedly as he looked at his twin, "And how far do we still need to go?"
"A few more villages."
"What do you mean a few? Give me a number!"
I ignored their bickering as I looked down from the rooftop to the town below, the small lights from the still-burning lanterns outside the houses made me feel nostalgic as I was reminded of when I used to travel on my own a few years ago.
Those were the times I was running around, attempting to make connections to somehow survive outside. I'm very thankful for the knowledge and medical skill I had or else I really didn't know what I could have done.
I mean, I had the option to go back to Shigeno-sensei but I really wanted to be independent and stay away from the whole demon slayer fiasco.
While I did succeed at doing the former, when it came to the latter...
Well, I ended up messing up whatever the fuck I planned.
'I really wonder where I went wrong,' I mused, 'Or rather, when did I start going wrong to end up like this.'
To end up adding two extra Hashiras from God knows where and also, somehow, falling in love with another Hashira — a canon one, at that.
A deep sigh escaped my lips as my mind wandered back to Giyuu and what happened last night, the whole thing still weighing down on my chest as I felt worse each time I even thought about it.
I felt guilty for rejecting him and leaving him out there without clarifying the reasons behind my actions.
I felt angry at myself for even saying my feelings out loud to him despite knowing well that I was going to push him away — that I had to push him away. What I did was beyond cruel and I knew that.
I hated myself for what I did to him.
And even after all that, what I felt the most was scared; absolutely terrified and completely exhausted.
Terrified of the certain future as well as the uncertainty I was creating in that future just by fucking existing.
"Miyasha?"
"Hm?" I looked back at the twins, noticing how they both stared at me with frowns, "What happened?"
"You alright, right?" Hiroshi asked directly, "You can travel a bit more, right? Or would you like to rest? I don't want you to fall asleep on us in the middle of the road."
"Please," I chuckled at their needless worries while still feeling the knot in my lower abdomen tighten, "I'll be fine. Let's just finish this quickly so that we all can rest."
It was nice to be cared for like this but I honestly didn't know how to handle this kind of attention when I couldn't even open up about my secrets to them.
I hated being like this, honestly.
My mind was clouded with thoughts as we crossed some more villages and finally reached our destination; all three of us were ready to finish the work and get back to bed after everything we did today.
It didn't click in my brain that it was currently too late (or too early? Maybe?) to do any intel collection or whatever until I looked around to notice the silence around us. Who would be awake to do any of that shit at this time?
Well, of course, except for the Aristocratic Households apparently.
"You have to drop that off to them? Right now?" I looked at Hiroshi in disbelief as he waved the sealed letter in front of us, "Do you even know how late it is? It's too dark for you to even properly see that white letter in front of you."
"Yes but we just have to drop it there still," Hitoshi explained as he took out another letter from his own haori, "And these are Oyakata-sama's letters anyway. We just have to drop them off to any awake servant of theirs and leave, that's it."
"Wait," I looked at them in disbelief, "Don't tell me that's the only work we have here."
"No," the twins shook their heads, "But it's the major one."
"Oof, what the hell."
"Language, and wait for us here for a few minutes. We'll be back quickly, so don't go too far from here."
Both the Hashiras took turns patting me on my head before departing, leaving me there alone in the dark while I yawned loudly.
I stretched my hands and shoulders a bit as I started walking around, knowing damn well those bastards would take more than a 'few' minutes. Instead, I decided to go and find the very lake where I had once killed a demon almost four or so years ago.
And damn, was it a wild fight, with that one.
I even remember it looking like a Kappa; which was beyond disgusting and creepy, given the history behind that myth.
Another yawn escaped my lips as I cracked my back before plopping down near the lake's edges, feeling quite a bit better as I took some time to gently massage my calf muscles. It had been a long day of walking, I swear.
The still water of the lake shimmered while the moonlight reflected off on it to create a very ethereal scenery.
I closed my eyes to soak in the sounds of the insects around me, the whole moist atmosphere feeling much warmer and better than the rest of the cool wind out there in the cities.
The current environment helped me ground myself in the present before my mind decided to jump back to Giyuu again; this time, highlighting how this was the first place Giyuu actually saw me.
A place where I felt his aura for the first time but never even bothered to look for him beyond running away from him.
An echoing ache remained in my chest as I finally recounted everything that happened yesterday, starting by confronting the jealousy I felt before realizing how I was most likely in love with him.
Even now as I thought about him, I could hear my heartbeat loud and clear in my ears.
It was... undeniable.
And rightfully scary.
I hated how I knew what I was doing was wrong and still somehow had the audacity to miss him.
Even worse was how I couldn't help but miss the warmth that I felt while we... um, well, kissed.
Don't get me started on the kiss, please. I can't even bring myself to think about it, let alone process it without feeling the urge to hide in a corner or something.
It was embarrassing. Sweet. Hot.
Like a drug.
And I craved it like one, too. Fuck.
Made me wonder what would have happened if I actually did accept his proposal — even when I knew there wasn't any future for us. Or was there?
Could there be, though? With the secrets I kept and the ruined body I had?
Would I even be able to give him the family he would like to have? Would we both even be able to survive Muzan?
Hypothetical thoughts like that enraptured my mind as I kept staring at the lake absent-mindedly, feeling quite stupidly indecisive before I felt something approaching me from behind.
I instantly stood up, taking my fans out of my haori as I changed my stance to an offensive one.
I could hear my heart in my ears as I finally pinpointed what I was feeling after properly expanding my aura — a demon.
And not just an ordinary one either; one at the level of a Demon Moon, if my senses were right.
"Oh!" It was an unfamiliar voice that reached me first as I waited for the demon to come out in the open, "I didn't expect you to be this sensitive!"
I gulped as I watched platinum blond hair come out from the trees, all the blood draining from my face as my bluish-violet eyes met the tri-coloured ones.
"Hello there," Douma's unexpectedly calm and gentle voice baffled me more than his exceedingly bright appearance, "It's very nice to meet you! My name is Douma. Isn't it a very nice night out tonight, hm~?"
My mind reeled as I calculated my chances of survival in a direct confrontation with him, knowing damn well that if this bastard decided to even playfully fight me then I'll be dead in under a minute.
And that realization made me feel panic as my thoughts spiralled out of control.
"Oh?" His expression softened into a worried one as he stepped towards me, his face looking even more pale in the moonlight as he smiled, "How sad. Is there something bothering you? You can share—"
"I'm fine," I replied hastily, "I'm just quite surprised at meeting a guest as distinguished as you out here suddenly, Upper Demon Moon-sama."
I watched silently as Douma gave me a surprised look, his expression soon melting into an amused one as he started chuckling at my unexpected greeting.
Currently, my only chance at survival was the sunrise — if I could somehow delay him by a few hours, I would survive. Even better was if the twins found me.
And, for that, I would have to humour him as long as possible.
"Ah, you are quite a friendly one, I see!" The closed-eye smile he gave made me feel physically worse, "What's your name, hm~?"
"Didn't Muzan already inform you, Demon Moon-sama?" I cautiously took a step back as I observed his figure, noticing belatedly that he was in his full Cult leader gear with the hat and black coat, "Or would you like me to introduce myself still?"
"You take the Lordship's name quite casually and frankly, huh?" His grin was beyond creepy as he assessed me, "You are quite sharp to know who sent me here! Though, I wasn't quite informed of your name since, you see, you are more popular for your blood and poisons than your name, Dokuchi."
"I see," I took a deep breath before lightly bowing, "I am Sarota Miyasha, Douma-sama. Unfortunately, I cannot say I feel nice to meet you if I had to be honest."
"Eh?" Douma gave me an innocent look before chuckling when he noticed I didn't react in the way he wanted, "How amusing, how amusing! You are the most polite Demon Slayer I've met yet, you know?"
I tilted my head while I kept expanding my consciousness as far as I could to see if the twins were anywhere nearby.
Maybe I could rush to them if they were—
"Your aura is quite unique, eh?" My heart almost beat out of my chest as his face suddenly appeared exactly in front of mine, making me jump back immediately while he smiled at me, "I felt it back when I was approaching you, too."
"You are quite sensitive too, Douma-sama," I answered as casually as I could, "To be able to feel my aura despite being as negligible as it is, you sure are impressive. I don't think any other demon felt it before. Is it an ability of all Demon Moons?"
"Not quite," his smile deepened despite having no actually wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, "But, then again, you must know that too since you fought many Upper Demon Moons before, didn't you, Miyasha-chan~?"
I took a moment before replying, "You are quite informed. Alas, the demons must share information with each other just as we slayers do."
"That we do," he smiled before tilting his head, "But I wonder, would you not like to attack me? Are you afraid of me?"
"Honestly? No." I chuckled, "The worst you can do is kill me since I ain't even good for your palate, given my blood. Though, that doesn't mean I can win against you either, so I'm just assessing you for now."
"I would still love to taste you!" He smiled brightly as if he were talking about his favourite book, "I will accept you with all your flesh and blood. I will make sure to rescue and guide you to enlightenment."
"I apologise but I am not interested," I deadpanned at the shit he just spouted, "I don't quite believe in God and I don't quite care for enlightenment either."
That apparently seemed to have interested him since Douma's face visibly brightened as he asked me, "Really? Then, do you believe in paradise? Heaven? Or even Hell?"
I didn't quite know what to say as I gave him a look, "My believing in it doesn't matter. I don't care for such things."
"That's amazing," The wonder in his voice actually sounded real as he looked at me in fascination, "Do you not believe that all demons go the hell after death then? What do you think happens with the wicked people?"
'Was the canon Douma this much of a nutjob?'
"I apologise but I do not particularly care about it," I admitted honestly, "Focusing on what happens after death is idiotic because that'd cause you to ignore what is happening while you are alive. For me, death is final and whatever happens after it is not what I currently care about."
"You are the first human I see who believes in that," Douma's gentle voice sounded excited as he continued, "Most humans I've seen believe in this idea of divine punishment where the wicked people go to hell after death. If humans didn't think like that, people with weak spirits couldn't keep going, right? I truly believe that humans are pathetic."
"But you," he tilted his head as he looked at me, "You are quite unlike them. Almost as if you are ready to die. No, no, it's almost as if you have died and have seen the other side."
His words honestly made me laugh, considering how close to the truth he actually was, "That's a very good speculation of yours, Douma-sama."
"So, is it true?"
"What do you think?" I questioned him back, watching closely as he casually stood there and conversed with me like an old acquaintance.
"It's such a tragedy that you are a Dokuchi, Miyasha-chan," Douma looked at me with an exaggerated sad look, "If it wasn't for your blood, I would have loved to make you into a demon. You have quite the potential, too."
"I didn't know you saw me fight before," I casually quipped back, mentally preparing myself in case he pulled any sudden shit, "Or are you saying so because you want to see me fight?"
I watched as his eyes zoomed onto my unopened weapons, widening a fraction before looking back up at me, "You use fans too, right? Do you know Tessenjutsu, too?"
"...No, I wasn't formally trained in them."
"How sad," he took out his own golden fans with thick metallic blades, "How about I teach you some, hm~?"
I felt a shiver down my spine as I immediately stepped back and dodged, his attack almost piercing through my chest as he teleported behind me like a ghost.
"You are very fast, I see!" He complimented me as I turned back to attack him, his golden fans meeting my silver ones, "Maybe even faster than the Hashiras I've met before! Are you a Hashira, by any chance?"
"No," I opened my fans completely to their 270° extent and used them as a makeshift shield as he attacked me without skipping a beat, "I'm afraid I'm not."
"Your fans can spread like that?!" His surprise gave me the chance to tilt my body back and give him a strong kick in the stomach, making him stumble away a few steps while I created some distance between us, "But wouldn't that much space between your blades make it weak?"
"Maybe," I admitted with a shrug as I switched out my left fan for my sword and attacked him again, engaging in a continuous game of block and attack as we both kept going at it almost playfully.
Well, at least, playfully from his side.
It was pretty serious on my end.
In a sense, it was quite funny, too; he knew I was trying to delay for time but still allowed me to continue since he found playing with me like this amusing.
It was sick but I wasn't complaining if it increased my own chances of survival.
"Are you really not a Hashira, Miyasha-chan?" He grinned at me as I blocked his fan with mine, "You are the fastest human I ever met. It's quite a shame I would have to kill you like thi—"
I was finally able to pierce my sword into his left eye, surprising him for a moment before he finally decided to use his blood art technique and throw me off of him.
Unfortunately, while I did anticipate it, I didn't think how painfully cold his blood art would be; its temperature reached such coldness that it completely froze the air around us and dried it enough to make my lungs ache.
I immediately coughed and covered my nose with my haori as the lotuses made by his demon blood art started to fade.
"Cold, isn't it?" He brushed the blood dripping down his already healed eye before licking it off his hand, "Breathing too long in it can cause your lungs to tear into shreds~"
I coughed again as I took some steps back, feeling a bit better now that I wasn't inhaling that shit again.
Unfortunately, the harm was already done as every breath felt painful while I could feel my toes and fingers aching from the frost still clinging to them.
Cold temperature was the worst for my body and I somehow ended up with that one demon who was literally the best in that element.
How bad could my luck be?
'Maybe enough to get me killed this time.'
I watched in satisfaction when Douma started coughing too, his eyes widening when he finally realized that I had poisoned him.
"You poisoned me with that stab!" However, unlike any normal person or demon, he grinned at the realization before coughing his blood out again, "Marvelous! This is the strongest poison I've ever felt being used on a demo—"
The next coughing fit he had was so severe that he had to kneel down while coughing his whole guts out; his moans sounding more and more painful as half his face started melting.
I didn't hesitate to take my other sword out as well, rushing to attack him in hopes of somehow making him injured enough to either permanently disable him or at least for a temporary period so that I could run away.
However, before I could even reach him, he attacked me in the blink of an eye, slicing me across my chest and neck while coughing still.
"That was very rude of you, Miyasha-chan," he clicked his tongue in disappointment while coughing as I crumbled on the ground in front of him, "I thought we were enjoying our time together, hm~? Why suddenly commit such rudeness? Agh."
"You speak as if anyone else in my place wouldn't have done the same." I quipped back painfully, knowing full well that this bastard completely tore up my skin and muscles with a simple flick of his fucking hand.
"Your poison," he chuckled as he touched his melting face, "It's made of your blood, isn't it? Maybe even more than that. Sorry, but I was able to decompose it."
I chuckled while somehow standing up, "I know," I hated how much my voice wavered, "And I also know you fucker enjoyed the painful effect of it as well."
"Oh, was it that obvious?" His grin widened as he opened his fan to slice up the top half of his own face, a few seconds after which his face regenerated completely free of poison, "Your poison was the most potent one I ever encountered! Even the poison that was used in Rui-kun's mountain wasn't this strong, you know?"
Douma then suddenly gave me a sad expression as he sat down in front of my crumpled figure, "But really, was that it? Is your blood only that potent? It's a shame that I already developed an anti-body to it."
I didn't bother to reply as he gently grabbed my chin and made me look up at him, "Oh, what poor thing," his tri-coloured, Mary Sue eyes stared into my bluish-violet ones, "I really had fun, I must say! The pain I felt today was a first for me and was really fun! Alas, maybe you should have tried to go for my neck than just stabbing me. Then again, you weren't aiming to kill me, were you?"
I glowered at him as he leaned close enough to feel my breath on his face, "No, you were waiting for the others to find you, weren't you, Miyasha-chan~?"
My vision blurred as his hand was suddenly jerked away from my chin; the sound of metal clashing against each other echoed in the silent night as the twins finally arrived.
"He's Upper Demo—" I coughed loudly as my throat felt drier than it ever did, the whole thing making my lungs ache from the inside while I felt Hiroshi carry me in his arms.
"Shut up and stay still," his voice sounded much more worried than the words he spoke as he relocated me quickly to somewhere else, "Just stay still and don't open your eyes. Maybe rest a bit, okay? We will handle this, we will protect you. Just trust in your Anikis."
I opened my lips to say something but wasn't able to as my parched throat constricted both my speech and my ability to speak, leaving me feeling desperate and scared at the same time as I could do nothing but watch the twins struggle against Douma.
The worst part? I could feel my vision get blurry as I kept trying to keep my eyes open.
And when I finally couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, I followed their fight with my aura-vision before even that started getting fogged up in my mind.
'I'm losing too much blood, huh?' I mused almost in a carefree manner, waiting for the fear of death to come over and yet, it didn't.
Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours passed before I could feel warm hands around me again, calling my name.
I knew the identity of those yelling my name but I couldn't even muster the energy to move, let alone speak as their warmth completely enveloped me.
'They both are fine,' I felt relief wash over me as I felt their aura for one last time before my consciousness slipped away and my exhaustion finally took over me, 'At least they are alive.'
However, it wasn't until much later that I realized that the fear of death never truly reached me when I was at the very edge of it. Again.
(~<>~)
"Di! Wake up!" I was jolted awake by the loud voice around me, the whole world feeling too bright, too loud and just too much from the moment I woke up, "How long are you going to sleep? Breakfast is ready!"
I couldn't respond in time as the hands shaking me awake disappeared, leaving me wondering what happened as I heard loud footsteps peddling away from me in haste.
"Don't run in the hallways! Maya!" A familiar voice yelled from a distance, making my heart jump as I realized who it was.
"Maa?" I called out softly, noticing how even my voice was different — it was much more basal and, and...
"Di~! How long are you going to stay in bed?! I'm eating your dosa if you don't come soon!"
I gasped as I finally recognised that voice; it was a voice I had begged to hear one more time before...
"Ye-Yes," I couldn't help the watery laugh that escaped my lips, "I, I'm coming, Maya."
My laughter only grew at the absurdity of this dream as I finally noticed the room I woke up in — it was my bedroom from years ago when I was still in college and studying for my medical degree.
A room painted in the brightest of tangerine colours that was slowly fading away with time.
I mused about the memories these small and negligible cracks in this wall held, making me want to cry as I caressed the wall tenderly.
I laughed again as I heard my mother call me this time, her stern voice leaving me no room to reply or even delay as I finally got up from the bed.
The feeling of moving my body felt very natural despite how I wasn't used to the feeling of my old body yet — or rather, should I call this 'past' body?
Anyway, despite all that, it still felt natural, as if I never even died or left this world in the first place.
"What took you so long, Chaya?" My mother's voice cut through my thoughts sharply as I left my room and approached the very nostalgic dining room, "Where are your manners? Your discipline? How will you become a doctor if you can't even maintain a proper lifestyle, huh?"
Her harsh words, which once used to cut through my heart, left me feeling oddly nostalgic as I couldn't help but smile at her typical scolding.
"I'll keep your words in mind, Maa," I replied softly, my ears not quite used to hearing Bengali yet but that was not the case for my lips as they quickly spoke out in my mother tongue, "I was just a bit tired. That's all."
I laughed as I rubbed my face in disbelief, "I feel like I've been away from home for too long, this time."
My throat itched as I looked back at my sister and mother sitting at the dining table, their similar milk-brown eyes staring at me in surprise before they ushered me to sit down and eat.
I quietly allowed them to fuss over me as my mother passed my favourite red chutney to me, telling me to eat properly since I apparently looked like a skeleton.
"Ah, so that's why my friends had been confusing me with the skeletons in the lab," I jokingly stated, making my mother give me a very disapproving look while my sister giggled beside me.
"Don't you dare say such ominous things!" My mother scolded me as she passed me some of her own dosa, "I don't want to hear such things outta your mouth! Now just quiet down and eat your food. Don't leave anything on the plate."
The extra piece of dosa on my plate made my eyes moisten as I chuckled to stop myself from crying.
"Thank you, Maa."
"Aigo, such formalities with your own mother? Who does that? Just eat quietly, shoo!" I laughed again as her embarrassed eyes glared at me, reminding me once again how much I missed her and my sister.
If this was a dream, I genuinely wished for it to last a little longer.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
(~<End of Uncertain Hope Arc>~)
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》Taishou Secrets《
Rengoku's crow liked Miyasha very much and would often fly around her during her frequent visits to the Rengoku Household. According to Tanjiro, this was because the crow felt immense gratitude and respect towards her for saving Rengoku, despite how much Miyasha protested against that notion.
And that's it for this chapter, folks! Big hugs to those who add this lil fic of mine to their reading lists and even vote and comment. It makes me smile every time to see your lists and comments :)
Stay safe and stay healthy!