I counted down the days. Excitement and dread both filled my heart and my head. I knew this was it; now or never. We had the chance to change the world, and culture in Australia. We knew the Aussie people would come out to support us, but we wanted that support to transcend this world cup. We wanted to see the love no matter when no matter what.
It was a lot of pressure.
But it was pressure we wanted.
"You're going to be amazing," Leah said to me, over FaceTime the night before the Ireland game. We had flown down from Brisbane the day earlier, wanting to get acquainted with our environment before playing the following evening.
"I'm genuinely shitting myself," I said, lying on my bed. We didn't have roommates for the tournament, but I did end up with an adjoining room with Hayley, which we both took full advantage of, playing pranks on the other whenever we could. At that moment, however, Hayley was downstairs with the rest of the girls, playing games, and relaxing in our rec room.
"That's normal," Leah confirmed, smiling at me, her cheeky little grin bringing one of my own.
"Home tournaments are stressful," I laughed, knowing she had experienced the same thing last year.
"That's the understatement of the year," Leah joked.
"How'd you do it?" I asked her, genuinely wanting some monumental advice that would maybe change the trajectory of my life.
"You just gotta believe you can," she replied.
"Did you?"
"Always."
"Not even when Spain was up by one?" I laughed.
"Not even then. I knew we had it in us. You just gotta have that faith too." I took the words like gold, holding them close to my chest, knowing I was going to relive this moment: you just gotta believe you can.
That's all.
Belief.
The following day we all woke up, soon going on our morning walk. I headed out to grab a coffee with the girls, knowing that Australian coffee beats the horrible stuff I have to drink in England. That is one thing I miss about home: coffee.
"Did you hear about Sam?" Caitlin said to me, as we walked along the beach in Rose Bay.
"No?" I replied. "What's happened?" A pit in my stomach started to form at the tone of Caitlin's voice.
"Yesterday, in training? She had to go over to the physio?" Caitlin reminded me.
"Yes but-"
"She's out."
"Shit. How long?"
"Until at least the Canada game."
"Fuck. This isn't good."
"Yep."
"Who's going to- what- what are we going to do?" I exclaimed.
"Not sure. Tony is going to run us through a plan today."
We headed back to the hotel, and Sam was notably absent.
"Alright, change of plans," Tony soon said. He flipped over his whiteboard to reveal the formation and the positions. I saw my name, central, as the 9.
Oh. My. God.
"Okay," Tony soon started to say. "With Sam out, and Kyah not available just yet, we've had to shuffle things around. So, essentially we want Caitlin in the 9, so at this point, she's in the 9, and we will have Mary, Tippah, and Hayley sitting back. Tipp as the 10, Mary on the left and Hayley on the right. With Mini and Cooney-Cross in a deeper position.
"But, worst comes to worst, we move Caitlin out onto the left, and Tippah, you're going to need to go into the 9, okay?" I looked at him, slightly shocked, but after hearing his reasoning, it made sense.
I could finish. I was fast. I had an aerial ability that could get on the end of crosses, and as he said, this was the worst-case scenario.
It would have to do.
"Ok, that makes sense," I replied to Tony, taking it on board.
"Great, okay." Tony continued with the game plan with the rest of the girls, but I couldn't focus much. I hadn't played as a 9 in years. I knew it was possible; I was once a 9. When I first joined Canberra United, they played me as a 9, and when I was in Portland, and Christine was on the bench, I always came in as the striker. But it became less and less common as I played in the midfield, and started to dominate.
But, this was the time to prove to Australia that we could overcome any obstacles. I knew it. It was possible.
When the team sheet was announced, many speculated about what the formation would be; who would go where; how would it work.
But we knew it was for them to find out and for us to show.
We were sitting in the changing room at Stadium Australia when I first saw my World Cup Jersey: Jones & 8. My number. My name.
"Wow," I said, looking at Steph who sat beside me, the captain's armband going over her jersey. "I forgot that- you're leading us out now!" She smiled cheekily, touching the armband once more before smiling at me.
"This is so weird," she laughed.
"You're going to be great," I replied.
"I didn't think this would happen. I just thought, you know, Sam would be fit and doing all this."
"You've got this!" Caitlin chimed in, as she sat on the other side of me.
"You'll smash it," I added. "We all will."
After going out, and warming up for half an hour, trying to get in as many shots on goal as I could, it was time to head in before lining up. I saw Katie in the tunnels, giving her a soft smile, but knowing the friendly attitude wouldn't last long as we were about to compete against one another. I also saw Rue, giving her a smile too. She came over to me, unlike Katie, hugging me softly.
"Hello," she said, her Irish accent hugging the space between us.
"Hi," I answered. "How are you?"
"I- could be better," she said, talking through gritted teeth.
"I understand," I replied. "Just don't do anything too stupid." We both laughed as I said this.
"Tipp, you should know by now, I always end up doing something stupid."
We soon lined up, Caitlin behind me, and EVE in front. Sam looked absolutely devastated, her eyes were not as puffy as they were this morning, but still unfortunately red. It was horrible seeing her like this; seeing Australia like this. We were all mourning the loss of someone who was still here and could still be here, as long as we made it through to Canada.
We sang the national anthem proudly, the 70,000 people surrounding us singing too. The whole stadium felt on a different level; I felt each and every person's love and support radiate through my body and through this team.
We started the game in the original formation that Tony suggested. I was sitting in the 10 and Caitlin was in front of me. But it wasn't working.
Caitlin kept wanting to go out onto the wing, and I would have to bring myself forward, leaving gaping spaces between our players that were not usable.
Macca noticed this; she went down, stopping play. Tony brought us all over, and we changed. I went into the 9, Mary as the 10, Caitlin on the left, and Hayley on the right. Mini was in the 8, and Kyra in the 6. Our backline stayed the same.
It was the same personnel, but now everyone had their own distinctive roles. It was made less confusing; which we needed.
The change paid off.
The team flowed much better, and Caitlin was given the space and time on the wing that she needed to create chances.
We had a few chances in the first half, with the keeper saving one of my shots from inside the box. It was frustrating but we knew there was a whole 45 to go.
As the second half commenced, I felt a new spurt of energy come over me. I was running into the box, ready to get on the end of one of Caitlin's crosses when I was tumbled to the ground.
"REF!" I screamed as I was laying head down on the grass in the box. We were awarded a penalty.
Kyra came over to help me up, patting my back, as I grabbed the ball. I saw the tactics that the Irish team were trying to do. If I held the ball long enough, hopefully, they would think it was me taking it.
I soon saw Caitlin come over to the spot too, so I passed her the ball, walking back behind the line. The Irish girls were still arguing with the referee, but as Caitlin looked at the spot, Mini soon went over, taking the ball.
And as the Irish girls finally settled down, and the keeper was ready, Mini gave the ball to Steph, who placed it on the spot.
It was time.
The whole country riding on the back of Steph.
It was her moment.
She ran up, hitting the ball so hard, looping it to the top left corner. It was a beauty. It was magnificent.
We felt the stadium move; shake with all the cheering and screaming from the 70,000 that were there. I looked around me, feeling as if the world was on our side. I smiled at the fans, as Caitlin came up behind me.
"Does this feel real?" she asked.
"No, and I don't think it ever will."
After 30 more tight minutes, we had won. It was a 1-0 win. It was not pretty but we got it; it was all we needed at that moment.
A win.
That was all.
I went around the stadium afterward. Although we didn't have to, and many of the girls went inside, I wanted to walk around, clapping to the fans that showed up.
"AUNTY TIPP!" I heard a voice say. I turned around to see Darcy standing with her children: Lilibeth, Nathan, and Mickey. Darcy and I locked eyes, our feelings being sprayed in front of everyone just by the look on our faces.
I went over, knowing it was the right thing to do by the kids.
"Hey my beautiful niece," I said to Lilibeth, "and my beautiful nephews." I picked up Lilibeth from the railing, her jersey having Tipp written on the back, just like Gigi's.
"You played great," Darcy said.
"Thanks," I replied coldly.
"I'm sorry," Darcy said.
"Not here," I soon replied, taking the hand of Nathan, and Mickey, as Lilibeth was on my back. I took them around the stadium with me.
If there was one thing I loved about my sisters, it was the joy they brought into this world in the form of my nieces and nephews.
Gigi.
Nathan.
Lilibeth.
Rohan.
Frankie.
And Mickey.
These kids were who I played for now. They would always be my family; maybe Darcy can be a part of it one day again. But for now, it would take some time. Some healing.
And some understanding.
note:
- note to self: write down the names of characters you make up so u don't have to search the entirety of your 100,000 word/130-page book to remember what u called three random children. (I am an idiot as I did spend 20 mins reading it through before realising I could use command F)
- anywho, SO SAD ABOUT NORWAY (note to self: change that for This Is Me Trying)
- also JAPAN looked freakishly good (I'm like so interested) (also I hope that Sweden win tomorrow lol)
- I am also seeing the DUTCHIES TOMORROW WOOHOO and I have my jill jersey all ready to be worn (cause yes I did buy one)
- anywho, I KEEP SEEING SAD EDITS OF LENA AND JULE AND THE GERMAN GIRLS AND I KEEP CRYING (my friends r now so invested in lena as well I love it (a) cause they think she is hot and (b) cause she is cute and (c) cause shes so freaking good
- sorry as u can tell I have lots of opinions of this whole tournament and not enough people to talk to lol