Foxfire's secret "Mentors Only" cafeteria turned out to be even more amazing than Sophie had imagined: throne-sized chairs surrounding peaceful reflecting pools. Urns blooming with delicate flowers that filled the air with a sweet, spicy perfume. Soft, flickering lighting, and windows that overlooked the glass pyramid in the heart of campus.
And, of course, an entire wall of glass cases filled with all kinds of fancy, colorful confections.
It was kind of like going to a spa, but instead of kale and cucumber water, there was food people actually wanted to eat.
Even Ro had no complaints, despite the definite presence of sparkles. She sprawled out on one of the chairs and worked her way through an entire tray of ripplefluffs.
"Do I want to know how you found this place?" Sophie wondered as she finished off her third butterblast.
"Of course you do," Keefe told her. "But I never reveal my secrets."
"Even to me?" she asked, not sure where the question came from.
Her cheeks burned as he studied her--and she didn't want to admit that it stung when he said, "Yeah, Foster--even to you."
She shoved another butterblast into her mouth to save herself from having to respond.
But when their eyes met again, his gaze had softened, and he whispered, "at least for now."
Why did that hurt? Keefe was entitled to keep secrets. She knew, somehow, that he was talking about something deeper than the way he'd discovered this cafeteria.
Knew it was deeper than finally telling her exactly what the Great Gulon Incident was.
He was referring to the deep, personal secrets that you don't share with just anyone.
But...she wasn't just anyone.
Or at least, she had thought she wasn't.
Hadn't they shared almost everything with each other?
The only thing she hadn't shared with him was her crush on Fitz, and she didn't really need to--they didn't address it, but he knew. He could feel her reactions when Fitz was around and he was kind enough not to tease her about it--too much, anyway.
But it wasn't like he couldn't tell her if he had feelings for someone. He knew he could trust her to keep the secret, not give him away.
Though any girl Keefe liked would almost certainly like him too (and why did the thought of that make her hands ball up into fists?) because he was a great catch, so it didn't make sense for him to be keeping that a secret.
It had to be something else.
Something he didn't trust her with.
Hadn't they opened up, confided in each other, leaned on each other in really difficult times?
Hadn't they both pulled each other from the brink of meltdown when no one else could?
So why was he suddenly considering her and finding her wanting? Finding her lacking?
And why had she even brought this up in the first place? They'd been having fun, he'd successfully cheered her up from her little pity party. And now she was bringing it down again.
Because her eyes were burning and she was trying to keep them from filling with tears and she knew he could feel exactly what she was feeling.
And knew he wouldn't ignore it.
"Hey," he whispered softly. "I wasn't trying to hurt you."
"I know." That was all she could manage to say.
"But you're hurt anyway," Keefe prodded.
Sophie shrugged.
"No, Foster, please talk to me." Keefe looked pained. She knew he hated that he'd hurt her feelings.
And it really wasn't his fault.
"I have no reason to be upset," she finally said in a small voice. "You have every right to keep secrets. I just...there are so few secrets between us. Or at least I thought there were. I've shared pretty much everything with you. You know me, even the things I don't say, I can't really hide them from you. And that irritated me at first, but now..." she smiled slightly in spite of herself. "Now I know I always have you. And you know me better than almost anyone. I just thought...I thought it was the same for you."
Keefe frowned.
Ro cleared her throat.
Keefe scowled at her and mumbled, "shut up" before turning back to Sophie.
"I just...don't think it's time to share all my secrets," Keefe explained quietly. "Trust me, Sophie, you know me better than anyone too. I haven't opened up to anyone like I have to you."
He scooted his large chair closer to hers, his ice blue eyes holding her gaze steadily, begging her to understand. The warmth and intensity she saw there made her stomach fill with fluttery things.
"I've always kind of pushed people away," he told her. "I've had a lot of superficial friendships, but was never really close to anyone other than Fitz. And it took a long time of hanging out with him before I really started letting him see how bad things were with my parents. And we don't talk about it much. When he found out, things changed. I already hung out at their house a lot, but they started inviting me over even more often, and asking me to spend the night, or stay the weekend. Alden has always known, and encouraged Fitz in our friendship. but he let me and Fitz figure the rest out on our own. Let me decide when to trust Fitz enough to let him in. We wouldn't really talk about it, we still rarely talk about it, but he knows and he's looked after me in small ways--the whole family has."
Sophie nodded. "They're good people that way."
"They really are," Keefe agreed. "And that's why I promised..." But he shook his head and changed what he was about to say. "But even with them, even though I knew it would be a safe place to talk about the hard stuff, we don't usually. But with you? It's like...even though I know Fitz wouldn't judge me or push me or pity me any more than you would...sharing these things with you has been easier. So please, please believe me when I say I can't share this one big secret with you, but that it's not because I don't trust you or because you don't know me."
Sophie was quiet for a minute, trying to process what he said.
He'd admitted how much he trusted her, told her how he confided in her in ways he never had with anyone else.
She liked that. A lot.
Like...it was kind of confusing.
Why did that confession make her heart swell and pulse quicken? It wasn't like she...
Did she?
She tried to tuck that thought away into Things To Think About Later, but it was struggling, insisting on staying in the front of her mind.
And why, even after all of that, after he let another mask fall and confirmed that they were every bit as close as she thought they were, was she still feeling hurt?
Wasn't that enough?
But then she remembered the other thing he said.
"You said you wouldn't share 'for now'? Does that mean at some point you will?"
Keefe smiled, but the smile looked a little sad. "Yeah, I could see maybe someday sharing it with you. At least, I really hope so."
"The time is now," Ro called from across the room. Sophie winced. Ro had a special talent for interjecting into intense moments and breaking them.
"Ro, shut--"
"No, I won't shut up yet. You need to forget your stupid little promise and tell her now. She's given you this huge opening and you're hurting her by not telling her."
Keefe jumped up and started pacing the room, running his hands through his hair. He looked extremely agitated.
"No," Sophie said quietly, standing to head over to where Keefe was pacing. She shot Ro a look that she hoped said 'please leave him alone' before reaching out and placing a hand on Keefe's arm.
"You don't have to share anything you're not ready to share. I just got upset because I've been feeling sorry for myself, and Fitz got to leave today but I'm still here, and I'm worried about them with Alvar being back at Everglen, and then your comment on not sharing your secrets just caught me off guard. It wouldn't have been a big deal at all if I hadn't already been vulnerable and upset."
"Except I can still feel that you're hurt," Keefe said, shaking his head.
"It sounds like it might not even be your secret to tell," Sophie conceded. "If you've made promises to someone else." She really hoped he didn't pick up on her jealousy.
But he did.
"Interesting mood shift there, Foster. You worried I'm making promises to another girl?" He smirked at her, laughing when she blushed. "Don't worry, it's nothing like that."
Relief.
Which came with confusion.
She really didn't understand her own emotions anymore.
And didn't understand why she was still clinging to Keefe's arm, either.
She let go and took a step away. "We should probably get back to the Healing Center."
But Keefe shook his head. "Not until I can cheer you back up. No way am I leaving you all sad tonight."
So he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a tight hug.
"You're my favorite person, Foster," he whispered in her ear.
Somehow that gave her goosebumps and flutters and made her very aware of how his arms were around her...and yet...she didn't really believe it, either.
Keefe let out a frustrated groan as he pulled away. "How is it possible you still don't believe me?"
"Because you're not telling her everything!" Ro shouted from across the room.
Keefe growled at her. "Please drop it."
"What is Ro going on about?" Sophie asked him. It was a frustrating perk of being a bodyguard--they knew all of their charges' secrets.
"I..." Keefe looked off-balance now. "I made a promise to Alden that I'd support you...and Fitz. Ro doesn't like that I'm not sharing my secrets with you and breaking that promise."
Wait, what?
"There is no 'me and Fitz'." Even if she wished otherwise. Or...did she? Did she really? She wasn't sure she wanted to register for the match, and knew he already had.
"Glad to hear it," Ro called out.
Keefe ignored her. "Not yet, but...it seems like there probably will be, and Alden wanted me to try to be okay with it. That's all. But please don't say anything."
Sophie didn't believe him. Her crush on Fitz was hopeless, she knew that. But right now she was more focused on Keefe, anyway. "Why would he ask you that? Did he think you wouldn't approve or something?" That didn't make sense. Even if there were ever something between her and Fitz, why would Keefe care?
"No, it's not that."
"Then what?"
Keefe turned away and mumbled something.
She berated herself for being unable to drop it. She was upsetting him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know why I'm pushing you like this." She reached for his hand.
Keefe winced, looking desperately sad, and pulled his hand away.
And that really stung.
And this time there was no stopping the tears that escaped her eyes.
He'd just hugged her--tightly--while telling her she was his favorite person...so why did he jerk away when she reached for his hand? It didn't make sense, and Sophie was too sad and too weary--and, frankly, confused about all the feelings she was suddenly fighting--to want to stay there any longer.
So she headed towards the door. Not that she'd ever find her way back to the Healing Center on her own.
"Sophie, stop, I'm sorry!" Keefe called out, cutting her off and taking both of her hands in his own, carefully cradling the injured side. "I'm sorry."
"Keefe, I can't keep up with you tonight. I don't know what's going on with you—or with me either—but I'm tired."
"Wait, please--"
He didn't need to apologize, she knew it was probably her being crazy tonight. But it had left her emotionally drained and she just wanted it to stop until tomorrow. "Let's just--"
"It's because I'm in love with you!"
He said it quickly, desperately, like he was just trying to get the words out before he could talk himself out of saying them.
Or like he was just trying to stop her from walking away from him while she was upset.
So she didn't really believe him at first.
But he was blushing--which didn't happen often--and he was trembling. She could feel his hands shaking in hers.
She was shaking too.
"I'm sorry," he told her. "But at least now, there are no secrets between us. You weren't ready to hear it, but I was hoping someday that might change. And somehow, Alden figured it out and wanted me to know that Fitz would probably be focusing his attention on you soon, and wanted me to try to move on before I got hurt. But it's too late for that. It already hurts." Keefe shrugged. "But really, I just want you to be happy. No matter what. And I'm sorry I pulled my hand away--I shouldn't have, I just...couldn't have you trying to comfort me when I was hurting you. And instead I hurt you more."
Sophie was listening, but she was also thinking.
Of the way it felt, when flying on Silveny, and again on the eckodon, to have his arms around her as he leaned closer to talk.
Of the way she'd get fluttery and floaty when Keefe stepped close to her. She hadn't admitted it before, but they were the same flutters she got when Fitz smiled at her.
Of how she always felt so safe and comfortable when Keefe hugged her or held her hand.
Of the way her heart raced when he leaned in close to pin Krakie to her bandage.
Of the way she craved his company when he wasn't around.
Of how he could cheer her up when no one else could.
And made her laugh.
And how seeing him smile--and seeing that goofy smirk of his--was one of her favorite things in the world.
Of how he seemed to recognize how attracted she was to him but never actually called her out on it--even when he could have tried to use it to his advantage.
And of how hurt she was to think he wouldn't share a secret.
How jealous she felt when she thought there might be another girl in his life--or in his past, like when he said he'd kind of kissed Biana.
Keefe, meanwhile, was standing there quietly, enduring her barrage of emotions alongside her.
And they must have emboldened him, because he managed to step closer and whisper, "Sophie?"
She looked at him.
She liked Fitz.
But...
Maybe she liked Keefe too.
Maybe she liked Keefe more.
Keefe smiled at her hesitantly. "I can feel what you're feeling, but I can't tell what you're thinking. Care to tell me?"
Okay, she definitely liked Keefe.
And impulsively, without deciding to do so beforehand, Sophie found herself wrapping her good arm around Keefe's shoulders.
He seemed to think she was just going to hug him, and was definitely caught off guard when she kissed him instead.
He gasped, but then responded so enthusiastically that she couldn't help but giggle.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her in even closer, one hand creeping up in to her hair, as he kissed her back.
This was a far more effective means of cheering her up than anything else had been.
Especially because the whole confession had helped her understand why he hadn't wanted to share that secret.
But she was glad he finally had. Otherwise, she'd have sat alone in the Healing Center tonight, with the realization of her own feelings washing over her, and she would have thought that they were hopelessly one-sided.
This was infinitely better.
The feel of him, holding her tightly, kissing her so sweetly, both of their hearts pounding.
The sound of him breaking the kiss long enough to whisper her name—her first name, which he used so rarely—before pulling her back in.
Eventually, when he broke the kiss again and rested his forehead against hers, he murmured with a soft laugh, "if I'd have known that was the reception I'd get, I'd have admitted I was in love with you a long time ago."
Sophie grinned and pulled away enough to be able to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry for all my crazy tonight. Something about you refusing to share your secrets opened up the floodgates and I realized I've been bottling up all my feelings for you. And then I thought..." she shook her head, still in a daze. "I thought great, here's another guy for me to want but not be able to have, because obviously Keefe doesn't care for me that way, and...I just wanted to get back to my bed in that Healing Center and cry."
Keefe rolled his eyes at her. "As if I could ever not have feelings for you. I can't believe you never noticed."
"And I can't believe Ro isn't interrupting us," Sophie said in a whisper.
"Just trying to give you some privacy now that you've both finally stopped being idiots," Ro called out in a gleeful voice. "But I'd be glad to share exactly how excited I am about this."
"No, thank you," Keefe replied, without taking his eyes off Sophie. "We're a little busy at the moment."
Sophie giggled, feeling downright giddy. "For the record," she told Keefe, "you're my favorite person too."
"Glad we cleared that up," Keefe whispered in a tantalizingly low voice before leaning in and kissing her again.