𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐒.
chapter twenty-four; Past Lives
" I can take a hint, I'm just ignorin' it. "
IT WAS JUST more arguing. Not that Vex expected anything else. It was arguing about what to do, whether they should stay or leave, about Rick taking his statement seriously, stepping up, and being the leader he said he would be.
Granted, the arguing was worse with Merle returning alongside his brother.
"Field's filled with walkers. Didn't see any snipers out there, but we'll keep Maggie on watch."
"V should take watch," Dean spoke up.
"No, we need Vex here right now," Rick said.
"I'll get up in the guard tower," Daryl spoke up. "Take out half them walkers, give these guys a chance to fix the fence."
"Or use some of the cars to put the bus in place."
"We can't access the field without burning through our bullets," Hershel said.
"So we're trapped in here," Glenn spoke up, "There's barely any food or ammo."
"Been here before. We'll be alright."
"That's when it was just us," Glenn said to Daryl. "Before there was a snake in the nest."
"Man, we gonna go through this again?" Daryl asked, "Look, Merle's staying here. He's with us now. Get used to it."
"Take a walk."
Daryl looked to Vex in shock, the woman's tone cold-- it wasn't a suggestion.
"Cool down," She repeated, "We don't need any of that hothead shit right now."
Daryl shook his head but obeyed.
"Seriously, Rick, I don't think Merle living here is really gonna fly."
"I can't kick him out."
"I wouldn't ask you to live with Shane after he tried to kill you."
"Merle has military experience," Hershel said.
"Yeah, so does Vex," Glenn argued.
"And she has been a valuable member of this group," Hershel continued, "Merle may be erratic but don't underestimate his loyalty to his brother."
"What if we solve both problems at once?" Glenn asked, "Deliver Merle to the Governor. Bargaining chip. Give him his traitor, maybe declare a truce."
🗡
Vex was sitting beside her bed, attempting to sift through her emotions as Daryl approached the landing. He wasn't sure what to say.
He wasn't sure why he felt like he had to speak.
Zeppelin Williams, however, was quite happy when she saw Daryl Dixon on the landing he'd slept in previously.
She bound up the steps, grinning wildly as the man turned to face her.
How could she be so happy? Just to see him.
"You're back?" She grinned.
Daryl nodded.
And then Zeppelin hugged the man. And he hugged her back.
"I missed you," She admitted, "It was real quiet. I mean, a lot happened, but it was different without you here. And my mom hasn't shown me how to shoot that bow yet, so maybe--"
"Zep."
The girl broke out of Daryl's hug, spotting her mother over his shoulder.
"Mom," Zeppelin smiled.
"Go find your uncle," Vex said, "I'll come get you in a little."
Zeppelin twisted her lips but nodded, departing from the two.
"Hey, I didn't. . . know," Daryl said after a moment, "'Bout your husband. Sure we could. . . figure out a way to get him."
"You don't know shit about what you're talking about," Vex said quietly, "Why don't you go talk to your brother, leave my kid alone."
Daryl didn't know exactly what she meant but could assume the tale Merle had spun wasn't one of truth. The story that Vex had been separated from her husband when the world fell apart, and Paul had been searching for her ever since.
He could tell it wasn't the story.
"Vex. . ."
Daryl lingered. Despite her space also being his. Despite the anger that often burned so bright to defend against this exact feeling. This feeling of guilt and wrongness, of scorn and self-loathing.
He couldn't have it. The shield of anger. Not for her. Not for this.
"You weren't here."
She hadn't even looked at him. Hadn't even lifted her head, busy picking dirt out of the grooves of her boot with a faded pocket knife.
Her hair was down for once, a dark curtain to hide her face, but Daryl cling to the exposed parts. The small inches it parted and allowed him to see her— her nose, her jaw, the outer corner of an eye.
"Zeppelin was devastated."
Daryl felt his heart ache— a thing he hadn't felt since he was a child. Back when he still expected people to be good. Before he knew what they could do.
He hadn't even realized Vex had made him capable of that again. That her opening her heart, welcoming him into her life, her daughter's life, had healed that part of him.
"It's not my call on if you stay or not, that's up to Rick," Vex continued, still working on her boot, "But you're not the man I thought you were, and I don't do second chances."
"It's my brother. . ."
"You told me you wouldn't leave, and you did," Vex said plainly, finally looking up at him.
He wished she hadn't. Or that her eyes said something else.
Because thinking that this would be her expression forever, that this was how she looked at him now, he couldn't take it.
Knowing softness but receiving coldness was an impossible pain.
"I'm not going through that again," She said, "So go. Stay. It doesn't matter to me anymore."
The woman stood, gathering her sparse items quickly, but without hurry.
"You don't have to—"
"Was your spot first."
Daryl stood motionless as she walked past him, her arm brushing his own wanting his entire body.
He hadn't even realized the warmth until it was replaced with cold.
Perhaps that was the lesson this time. To know what you're leaving before you have left it.
🗡
"Andrea's here. Let's go."
Vex entered the communal area, spotting Andrea standing in the center.
It was clear after a moment of conversation that Andrea had been in the dark about what the Governor had been doing.
But this didn't change the hesitation to allow her back into the fold.
"I don't get it," She said, "I left Atlanta with you people, and now I'm the odd man out?"
"He almost killed Michonne and he would have killed us."
"With his finger on the trigger," Andrea yelled, pointing to Merle, "Isn't he the one who kidnapped you? Who beat you? . . . Look, I cannot explain or excuse what Philip has done, but I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out--"
"There's nothing to work out," Rick said, "We're gonna kill him. I don't know how or when, but we will."
"We can settle this," Andrea urged, "There is room at Woodbury for all of you-- Vex, Vex."
Andrea approached the woman.
"I found your husband," She nodded, grabbing one of Vex's hands, "He-- he carries around a photo of you and Zeppelin, are you telling me you don't want to go back to that? Be with him?"
The group, save for Daryl, Merle, Dean, and Carol were shocked by the revelation.
They all watched, waiting for her reaction.
Vex only tore her hands out of Andrea's grasp and walked to the furthest corner of the room, standing side by side with Michonne.
"What makes you think this man wants to negotiate?" Hershel questioned. "Did he say that?"
"No."
"Then why did you come here?"
"Because he's gearing up for war. The people are terrified, they see you as killers. They're training to attack."
"Tell you what, next time yous ee Philip," Daryl said, "You tell him I'm gonna take his other eye."
"We've taken too much shit for too long. If he wants a war, he's got one."
🗡
Rick had checked in on Vex no short of five times. He kept asking, kept checking-- she knew he wanted to see where she stood after the revelation that her husband was in Woodbury.
"Ex-husband," She finally corrected, "I have no interest in seeing him again. No rescue mission."
Rick nodded, putting his hands on his hips.
"Why don't you take watch? One of the towers is still behind that fence."
"Okay," Vex said quietly, "Hey, Rick?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't let my daughter find out he's there."
Rick nodded, watching the woman stalk off.
She took up the tower, watching the field. The people. She watched as Andrea climbed into a car and left, returning to Woodbury.
She watched as day faded into night, as the sun started to dip beneath the horizon.
She kept on watching even as the door opened behind her.
"You need to eat."
"Can't you take a hint?"
Daryl grunted, taking a seat beside the woman, hanging his feet over the edge of the tower just as she did.
"I can take a hint," He mumbled, holding a plate of food in front of her, "I'm just ignorin' it."
She accepted the plate, only to place it beside herself.
"Everyone's all together. You don't wanna come down?"
Vex readjusted the rifle in her arms.
"You wanna talk?"
"Does it look like I really want to talk to anyone, least of all you?" Vex questioned, turning to the man, "We had this conversation. You left. End of story."
Daryl shook his head.
"No, it ain't."
"Dixon--"
"We fight, but we're good."
"Not this time."
Daryl looked down, silence engulfing them once more.
"Least tell me what really happened," He said, "With your husband. Merle made it seem like. . . like you guys got separated when the world when to shit."
"And you want me to tell you my life story when I barely want to look at you?"
"Yeah, somethin' like that."
Vex scoffed, resting her arms on the railing in front of her.
"You want the short version?'
Daryl shook his head.
He'd listen to her talk as long as she'd be willing to.
Vex looked to him, Daryl Dixon, softer than she'd ever seen him before, staring at her as if she mattered.
Because she did.
Daryl cared; whether he admitted it or not, whether he said it or not, he cared about Vex Williams, and seeing her closed off like this made him impossibly angry, but it also hurt.
Like her pain was his, too.
"I was thirteen," She started, "Dean was already in New York, and my dad hardly looked at me after my mom passed away. I went out a lot, did stupid shit with stupid people I thought were my friends."
Vex squeezed her eyes shut, attempting to keep her voice steady.
She wanted to talk about it, to say it out loud, but she didn't want it to hurt. She wanted to accept it, without letting it taint her all over again.
"Paul was 25," Vex let out in a breath, "He was in law school— visiting home. Visiting one of my friends, his little brother. . . we hung out with him, and it was normal. He took us out for lunch, let us ride in the bed of his truck. . . and then one night, he took us to this. . . club. Real shithole, didn't bat an eye at us walking in— I had braces, for God's sake."
Daryl lifted a hand, hovering inches away from her spine.
He wanted to be there. To help her, to make sure she knew he was with her.
But something inside him told him he did not deserve it.
"Some creep cornered me," She continued, "Paul. . . saved the day. I had a crush on him after that— a stupid, little kid crush. . . and I can see now that it wasn't my fault. That I was a child, and he should have never allowed it. . . but one night, I was over at their house, about a month after the bar thing. I went outside to sneak a smoke. . . and there he was."
Vex looked to her lap.
"We hooked up the whole summer," Vex whispered, "He kept in touch when he went to school. Told me I was his girlfriend. Mailed me letters, presents. . . I never saw it, how wrong it was. . ."
"You were a kid—"
"I know," Vex said, "I know I was."
Vex sighed, looking at Daryl who was simmering with anger.
"He proposed to me on my 18th birthday," Vex breathed, "My dad said I was stupid, told me I'd have to get out of the house if I said yes. But he'd never supported me before. . . I enlisted, thinking it would even it out. . . My dad never talked to me again."
Vex blew out a breath, wiping a tear as it fell.
"Paul planned the wedding while I was at boot camp," She continued, "We got married, I was pregnant before I got my first orders. . . that was when it started. When he started belittling me. Telling me I worked too much, that I didn't keep the house in order. Small stuff— but it hurt coming from him.
"And then once Zep was born, it was all-out war," Vex whispered, "I got beat up for spending too long with her. Or not coming home from work before him, so he had to take care of her. He told me he owned me. That no one else cared, and I owed my entire life to him. Said even if I left, no one would ever want me— damaged goods. That's what he said. He told me that I had to be there when he called, I had to keep the house in order, take care of Zeppelin. . . told me that I had to do what he wanted when he wanted it— even if I didn't."
Daryl didn't have to ask to know what she meant.
"But between all of it," She said shakily, "He still took me out. He bought us presents, he set up birthday parties. . . I kept thinking the Paul from before was still in there. As if there was ever a good version of him."
And then Daryl asked the question everyone thought but no one asked. He asked it because he, too knew abuse, and he, too, had been strong and it had been this abnormality. Like strength deterred abuse. Like it was some kind of immunity, instead of something built out of the circumstances.
"Why didn't you leave?"
"Sometimes, you're too close to someone to see them as they really are," She whispered. "Sometimes you love them so much you don't want to."
Vex looked to Daryl, the man silently brushing off a stray tear.
"But one night, Zep came home late," She said, "She'd been at a birthday party, but Paul just. . . lost it. Started yelling— screaming. . . he'd hit her before. Told me it was normal, it was a regular punishment; poppin ' your kid. . . But that night. . . he punched her, closed fist. And Zeppelin screamed, she tried to fight back— defend herself. . . Paul just kept. . . beating her. The way you'd beat a grown man. I. . . managed to talk him down. The next morning he left for work— Zep and I packed light and left. My team-- they showed up on his doorstep that night with a restraining order and divorce papers: grabbed the rest of our shit. That was 3 years ago."
Vex breathed out, sniffling.
"He called a million times— found my number even after I changed it," She continued, "Mailed letters, showed up at Zeppelin's school. . . And then it went silent. When the world shut down. And my team, they told me to go, and I got Zeppelin, and we came to Dean."
The woman reached out, her own anger be damned, and held Daryl's hand tightly.
"I thought that was the end," She admitted, "But here, now. . . to know he's been looking. To know he still tells people about us, still acts like. . . none of it happened. . ."
"He won't get near you two."
"Daryl, I don't need you to—"
"Too late for that," He said gruffly, "He won't get near you."
Vex pursed her lips.
She was still angry. Nothing would change that, not for a while.
"I said I don't do second chances."
"Barely got the first one," Daryl mumbled.
Vex rolled her eyes, sighing deeply.
"You gonna leave again?"
Daryl swallowed, shaking his head.
"Nah," He said thickly, "I won't."
"How do I know that?"
He breathed.
"You just gonna have to take my word for it."
Vex sighed, looking out past the fence line.
She knew she could forgive him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to.
Not because Daryl was a bad person. She knew him leaving with his brother didn't throw out everything he'd done for the group, and for her. It didn't erase every time he'd had her back or every time he took Zeppelin out hunting.
He'd done things he didn't have to. Done them because he wanted to and nothing else.
She didn't know if she wanted to forgive him because forgiving him handed that power back over to him. To hurt her. To leave her.
"I don't really know if I can do that again."
Daryl nodded, his disappointment only lasting a moment as Vex Williams scooted closer to him resting a head on his shoulder.
And Daryl lifted an arm, wrapping it around the woman who had so quickly weaseled her way right into his heart, and pulled her impossibly closer to him.
"But let's just pretend like I can," Vex said, "For a minute."
Because while Vex Williams wanted to protect herself, to keep him at arm's length so he wouldn't have the power to abandon her again, she couldn't ignore the warmth that came from him. The way they worked; arguing, hunting, laughing, living. They worked like it was the universe giving her a break after the world fell apart, it gave her a person to even it back out.
A person that made her forget about her life before, that made her feel a little less war-torn even in the world as it was now.
And she wasn't ready to give that up, no matter how much her mind told her to.
"Okay."
Vex stayed there, under Daryl's arm, watching the sun set and night engulf the day. Like it was a normal life she was living— like this was some romance, not a horror.
"You don't have to protect us. From Paul," She said quietly, "I just want you to know you don't have to."
"Yeah, I do," He responded, equally as quiet. "Man who doesn't protect his own's nothin' but a coward. . . Now eat your dinner."
Vex rolled her eyes but grabbed the plate, staying right there under Daryl's arm as she ate her rations slowly.
After all, if they never left the guard tower, she never had to face the reality of it all.
WORD COUNT : 3082