cigar breaths
———
It took Caf some time sa CR at hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin siya nakakabalik. I'm starting to get worried so I left my seat to look for him.
All that effort just to see him in the table of women hyping him up to drink a glass of alcohol, which he did. Nagtatawanan pa sila but Caffeine obviously is not in his right mind anymore. He just kept smirking to these girls and hitting on them.
I never saw this side of him but despite how amusing it is to look at him wasted, I can't let him wander all by himself. Lumalalim na rin ang gabi.
So without any second thoughts, I approached their table and immediately grabbed his arms with as much force as I can. "Caf, let's go," bulong ko sa kaniya.
"Ooh, is this the friend you told us about?" tanong ng mga babae. But Caf paused and just looked at me, still lost and drunk, he smiled.
"No." Umiling siya sabay akbay sa akin. He did it so effortlessly that I didn't have time to react, aside from that his height gave him more of an advantage. "It's my boyfriend."
The girls began squealing from what Caf said but he paid no attention to them and leaned his head against mine as if he has lost all his energy to even stand straight. I can hear him chuckle.
On the other hand, I was left with utter shock that I can't help but knit my eyebrows.
Hinarap ko siya at bahagyang tinapik, "Huy, gago ka ba? Anong pinagsasabi mo?"
But once again, he ignored me at tila nabuhay muli. He faced the girls with a wide mischievous grin and added, "But it seems like sinusundo na niya ako so it's bye for now!"
Hindi na niya ako pinagsalita pa and dragged me away from that table. Halos hindi na nga siya makapaglakad nang maayos and is just leaning on me for support as we walk back to our table.
I was just about to scold him again when he whispered next to my ears as he rests his chin on my shoulders, "I'm tired, take me home Nics."
His voice was hoarse, tila namamaos na ito as he said those words. But more than that, I can't help but notice how he called me by that nickname. It's been a long time nang huli niya akong tawagin sa pangalan na 'yan, probably because I told him not to and it sounds so feminine.
He used to call me that before but I get annoyed every time as well. Pero tinatawanan niya lang ako kapag ganon, na tila nasisiyahan siyang makita akong magalit. I don't even remember when he stopped calling me that. Kasi I knew it, nasanay na ako, and it became a part of me.
When we reached our table, I immediately dropped him in his seat.
Shit ang bigat pala ni Caf.
And when Basil saw my struggle, lumapit agad siya, asking, "What happened?"
He probably meant Caf so I shrugged. "Ewan ko, first time ko rin siyang makitang gan'to." Basil simply looked at me na parang naghihintay pa ng sagot ko when I replied with a 'what' expression.
"Anong gagawin mo? Hindi mo ba siya iuuwi?" tanong niya.
"You saw me barely drag him back to the table, baka dalawa pa kaming matulog sa daan if that's the case," sagot ko, heaving a sigh. "Besides, my feet is starting to ache again."
Nagtitigan pa kami ni Basil nang ilang segundo na tila nag-aantay sa sasabihin ng isa nang may pumasok sa isip ko.
"Ba't 'di na lang ikaw ang umuwi sa kaniya?" I suggested na ikinalukot ng kaniyang mukha. "I mean, surely you can handle Caf. Isa pa, you still have a condition to meet from me. That would do."
Ang kanina'y masasaya niyang tawa ngayo'y napalitan ng dismaya. It's not like he can do anything about it, I make the most sense here.
Without any other choice, Basil accompanied Caf home. Caf's house is from the opposite direction of mine, nagkataon lang kanina that he passed by para magsabay kami, like he usually does every morning. I just sent Basil the address and also left the bar on my own.
I'm not even worrying about Caf right now, in fact, mas nag-aalala pa ako kay Basil who has to endure the drunk Caffeine. Ni hindi ko nga inaasahan ang mga naging asta niya. I was totally caught off guard.
Habang naglalakad, I regret not bringing my motor since there's barely any bus around here anymore. Madilim na rin ang paligid but a couple of lampposts made it tolerable. Ilang minuto pa ng paglalakad ko when I saw a park nearby. I haven't seen this here before. This is just a few blocks from my house but this place seems unfamiliar to me.
I ignored my thoughts and rested my feet in one of the benches. Next to the bench is a tall bush, almost like a wall, leading to the center of the park.
Hindi ko ito pinansin at kinapa ang bulsa ko for another smoke. The cigar is waiting between my lips pero hindi ko pa rin mahanap ang lighter ko. I checked both my pockets pero wala pa rin when all of a sudden, a hand appeared in front of me. It's holding an already lit lighter. I also noticed how it belonged to a familiar figure I have seen multiple times.
Nang lingunin ko ito, he just smirked. "Hurry up, it won't stay lit for long."
Listening to what he said, agad kong sinindihan ang dulo ng sigarilyo and puffed some before facing him again.
"Thanks," I told him. But he said nothing.
Instead, tinago niya ulit ang lighter sa bulsa niya. Followed by him taking the seat next to me. Tahimik lang siya as well as everything around us. Siguro nga'y sobrang tahimik that I can hear his heavy breaths and I can feel the heavy tension coming from him.
Until I can't help but finally ask. "What's wrong?"
Nabaling ang atensyon niya sa akin kahit kanina lang ay tila palutang-lutang na ang kaniyang isipan.
He shook his head and answered in a low coarse voice. "It's nothing."
"Anong nothing, you look like taking over the world's burden and yet it's nothing?" I mocked him to which he just laughed at.
Napailing ako sa katigasan ng ulo niya. He said nothing in response kaya hindi na lang ako nagsalita pa, I don't want to trigger anything inside him, if he wants to talk, he will, I'm in no position to force him.
However, I can feel his eyes on me. They were staring like I would disappear if he looked away.
It wasn't uncomfortable, but a part of me tells me to return his gazes so I looked back but just as I did, umiwas siya ng tingin.
Bacon took a deep breath before saying, "You smoke a lot, huh."
I scoffed and averted my gaze before blowing the smoke in the air, answering him, "Minsan lang. I thought you do, too. You said before that you'd join me and now's the best time if you're feeling fucked up."
Natigilan siya na tila pinag-iisipan ang sinabi ko. He must've forgotten.
"Well, you're right and I really would if only I didn't quit," he shortly answered.
"Why?" I asked, curious of what suddenly made him stop because I am aware that smoking isn't that easy to quit. Siguro I can take some pointers from him.
I was patiently waiting for his response, all ears on him. He said nothing yet smirked while staring at the dark road across us. Hindi ko maiwasang magtaka kasabay nang pagkunot ng noo ko.
He looks like he thought of something amusing. Pero may kakaiba sa mga mata niya ngayon. Kung kanina'y para siyang nagluluksa, after hearing my question, he seemed to brighten.
Bacon faced me, still with a grin on his lips. "I found something more addicting than nicotine."
Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko and all of a sudden, a thought came across my mind. Nanlaki ang mata ko at hinarap siya.
"Tell me it's not drugs," I asked, squinting my eyes and preparing to throw him a punch if he answers yes.
He matched my eyes with all seriousness, I have no idea what he's gonna say next. But he smirked, once again and answered in a teasing manner, "Way better than drugs."
I'm lost right now, as lost as a child in the midst of the crowd. Hindi ko na alam ang pinagsasabi niya at hindi ko rin alam kung dapat ko ba itong seryosohin o hindi.
I heaved a sigh in distress and lightly shrugged my shoulders. "Hindi ko alam ang ibig mong sabihin and maybe I don't even want to know. As long as it's not illegal, you're fine."
I heard him chuckle. So he really is making fun of me. But since hindi na siya nagsalita pa, I just threw another question at him.
"It's already late, ba't ka pa nandito?" I asked as though the question does not apply to me.
"Nagpapahangin lang," he quickly answered and pointed his thumb towards the block behind us. "And my apartment's nearby."
Hearing his answer, I got even more curious. "So something's wrong."
"Wala nga sabi," tila naiinis na niyang saad.
I observed him. And when I say something is wrong, there is. Alam ko dahil kilala ko siya. I won't jump into conclusions without any concrete evidence and the fact that he's been like this since a week ago, it says so much.
I couldn't help but break it into him."Then bakit mo'ko iniiwasan?"
Bacon looked surprised by my question. He was taken aback and knitted his brows as he returned my gaze.
"I am not?"
"Yes you are," I reiterated, "simula pa nung natapos ang sports fest, you've been quite distant. Hindi naman ako pwedeng manghula na lang, unless you tell me, I wouldn't know why."
He looked away, heto na naman siya. I was about to point it out to him when he finally spoke.
"Maybe it's because I lost the game," he paused, as though correcting himself, he added, "I lost the bet."
I know that's not all to it, there's something he doesn't want me to know kaya hindi ko na ito sinubukan pang ungkatin.
Instead, I asked, aiming to provoke him, "Are you that scared of the favor I'll ask? Huwag kang mag-alala, I'm still thinking about it."
"Hindi naman, I know you don't like asking heavy favors anyway," sagot niya, this time, teasing me.
I scoffed at him but said nothing. This time, ako naman ang nanahimik. I puffed on my cigar that's about to run out and leaned on my seat.
Bacon noticed my silence and changed the course of the conversation by saying, "You smell like alcohol. Is that why you're still out here?"
"I was just with Caf, galing sa victory party," I answered. "Hindi naman ako makahindi when they invited me but I left early."
"You were just with him?" As though Bacon heard nothing else of what I said, he asked, even slightly leaning towards me in the most curious expression. "Nasan na siya?"
I shook my head and looked away, thinking of Caffeine's state earlier where he could barely walk on his own. "He's fucking wasted, I asked Basil to send him home."
He was quiet for a second until I heard him whisper something.
"So I haven't completely lost after all."
My brows automatically creased upon hearing him. I peeked over at him all to catch a grin on his lips once again. "What do you mean?"
Bacon stared right into my soul, tila ba hinihigop niya ito and leaving nothing but an empty shell. His eyes were the shape of an almond at kahit madilim, it was also the first time I noticed how they shine brighter than any of the stars tonight.
He smiled, kind of mischievous and kind of hopeful. Maybe he's just happy?
"Just what I said," is all he said.
———