♥
I finally plucked up the courage to visit the therapist to discuss my sex addiction. After my discussion with Everett and his encouragement to help myself get better, a reason for Nate to forgive me and to prove that I want to change. It isn't until now that I realised how bad it really is.
Despite meeting Nate, my urges for sex are still strong.
But that's the one thing I've told myself–no more meaningless sex with people I don't care about–not now that I know Nate. I don't want to hurt him anymore and this means I need help to cure my addiction, to stop with the pity shags because I'm feeling lonely.
I have to change, I have to get better to prove to Nate that I can be the mate that he wants. That he can trust. Without trust it will never work and I will go to the ends of this earth and beyond to fix what I have caused, even by treating myself.
That is the first step. Even though I am a nervous wreck and I feel like I'm seconds from throwing up at the thought of having to discuss my issues and work through my problems.
"Milo?"
I glance up to find a woman with black curly wild hair over her shoulders. I pause for a moment. This is happening. This is really happening. The first hurdle.
"Hi," I loiter in the hall.
She offers me a warm smile, stepping closer to expose her long dark blue gown with a black shawl over her shoulders. "Hi, I'm Layla. Would you like to come in?"
The lead pack doctor assigned Layla to me because he thought that she would be the best person to help me through my addiction and other anxiety issues.
"Sure," I nod hesitantly but don't step closer.
Layla smiles back at me and waits patiently until I press off my foot and walk towards the room. She steps out of the way so that I can get by, my eyes dart across the modern yet peaceful room. There is a soft incense burner in the corner of the room with a few plants that hang from the ceilings and drape from shelves.
"Take a seat," she says warmly gesturing to the inviting material chair.
I note that the chair isn't leather. Something I usually associate with coldness and discomfort. So I walk towards the seat and sit down, perching on the edge. I try to control my breathing and focus on the coffee table between the chairs with a stack of relaxation magazines and books. One that is in fact called 'happy'. Original. At least the room feels welcoming to say the least.
"So, Milo," she places herself on the opposite chair gracefully, locking one knee over the other and clasping her hands over the top. "Tell me why you've come here today."
I flick my eyes between hers and swallow the lump in my throat. "Because–" I start, feeling my mouth becoming dry like an industrial paint stripper. "Because–"
Layla's eyes soften. "It's okay. Take your time. We don't have to rush anything."
My tongue runs across the bottom of my lip and I sigh. "I like sex."
She nods but doesn't say anything to interrupt me.
"Actually I don't like sex, I love sex. But recently I've realised that it's become an unhealthy obsession and it might just destroy my possible relationship with my mate–who I met over a week ago."
"And what do you like about sex?"
I raise my shoulders slightly. "The pleasure."
"Just the pleasure or is it something more?"
My eyes lock onto Layla's until I glance at the wall, digging further into my brain for why I get such a thrill off the idea of sex, of being in that situation with someone else–even myself when I masturbate a ridiculous amount to feel something.
"I guess it's because sometimes I get lonely," I admit, tasting like splinters on my tongue. "But also because I like how sex makes me feel, I feel empowered."
Layla hums softly. "And have you had many sexual partners?"
I nod because I'm too afraid to speak.
"Has all your sexual encounters been with your consent?"
"Yes."
"Tell me more about meeting your mate."
I glance into her dark eyes and it takes me a few moments before my lips start moving. I explain meeting him at the sex party, about him seeing me, about all of it. That he doesn't trust me, that he pretty much wants nothing to do with me.
"Do you understand why he became upset?" She asks.
"Of course I do," I nod. "I wouldn't want to see him with someone else, especially the first time we meet. I get it. I just didn't know the matebond would feel like... this. And I don't want to give into my addiction, I don't want to be with anyone else but I still get these urges because something is telling me it'll make me feel better."
Layla draws a notebook from the drawer in the coffee table. "Then let's start dissecting your triggers, what makes you feel this way. Then we can work towards battling these triggers with coping mechanisms to limit the urges and allow you to have a better relationship with yourself before you get into anything with your mate."
I nod and allow myself to relax. If I want to get the best out of this, I need to be honest with myself and speak my truth. For Nate. For myself. I can't keep going on like this and a small step is still progress, no matter the length.
♥
Later that night I'm in bed. It's late but I can't sleep.
Not since my therapy session that lasted two hours. Layla is a nice woman, not once did I feel judged or ridiculed for my situation. She actually gave me a lot to think about and homework to bring back to her the next time we meet.
Coping mechanisms, things I can do to help me distract myself from my urges.
She suggested exercise, meditation, any new hobbies. Things I want to invest my time in.
"REIGN!"
My eyes switch to the door as I hear Everett's voice boom down the hall, for a moment I sit still until I start hearing another voice–Fran. Frantic. Panicking.
I throw the sheets off my body and exit my bedroom and sprint down the hall to find Everett panting and pacing, Fran scowling at our brother.
"What's going on?" I demand.
Everett doesn't even bother to look at me and it's clear the pure devastation on his face proves that something awful has happened. My heart drops into my chest because Reign has been an absolute rock to me these past few weeks and since I met her.
"Reign, she's gone."
His voice is wobbly and gravelly at the same time. I study his chest as it heaves unevenly and I step closer, my face washed with fear and painful concern. "What do you mean gone?!"
Fran steps closer and hands me the note that she was clutching in her fist. I quickly roam my eyes over the piece of paper, once and then twice just to make sure that what I'm reading is actually there and I'm not making this shit up.
I'm not what you wanted, so what's the point? Hope you find the person who makes you truly happy.
Nausea hits me like a smack in the face. I drag my eyes away from the scribbled words to my brother who looks distraught. What on earth has happened between them? I knew it took Reign a while to trust Everett but for her to leave like this? It must be bad. It must be so incredibly bad.
"What the fuck did you say to her?" I spit.
He releases a shaky breath and steps towards me desperately. "I need to find her," he stutters with obvious fear. He leans forward to cup my shoulder tightly. "Please come help me find her."
I stand up tall, throat clenching. "You're a fucking idiot, you know that?"
"I know," he heaves. "And I need to find her before something happens, before she's gone forever. Please. Come help me find her."
My hand flies into his, shoving the note between his fingers. "Let's go."
Just thinking about what might have set her off has me burning with anger. She doesn't deserve to feel worthless, she deserves to feel like the Luna she is. I might just brawl with Everett myself for whatever he's said to her to make her feel this way.
For some reason I feel like I've always understood Reign and she's understood me.
Everett might be lucky to be mated with her but I'm lucky to become her brother, a brother that cares about her and wants the best for her. Despite her past. She's really been a light that I didn't know I needed.
We head out into our territory, exploring through the darkness in our wolf forms. Trying to cover as much space as we can before the sun rises. Everett can sense her scent in the air and chooses to run after it but we find nothing.
What did you say? I shout through the mindlink to him.
I was talking with Jesse. I said some things I didn't mean. I-I was stupid and idiotic.
Fuck, Everett. I growl. What did you say?
Everett's wolf breathes heavily through his nose and it's obvious his wolf despises him for what he's done, what he's said. That I wished parts of her were different. That she's like looking after a teenager.
Before I know what I'm doing, I've extended my jaw and snapped it in the direction of Everett. What the fuck is wrong with you? Reign might be the person who is misunderstood but it is not fair for you to say that when you know how many insecurities she has.
He glances at me with those deep blue eyes. I love her, Milo.
I scoff at his words aggressively. There is no way he can love her and say such disgusting things to someone who he knows struggles with fitting in, with finding herself. Could have fooled me. I grumble with my blood heating from anger.
We don't stop pounding our feet against the floor, trying our hardest to keep track of Reign's scent. I don't care if you don't believe me. I said something stupid because I was upset and tired with what happened today. I didn't mean it the way it came out. If I could take away her problems I would. But I love her with every part of me. I want what's best for her.
I stare at him with an icy glare. Instead of continuing the conversation I choose to ignore his words and focus on finding Reign because I don't want anything to happen to her. Because she is a part of our family and she always will be.
Reign might have been homeless and is still battling with her kleptomania but she still has feelings, she struggles like any normal person. I know that Everett wants the best for her, he's been patient up until now. But she deserves constant love, not someone who doubts her by speaking shit behind her back.
I pray to the Goddess we find her so that Everett can grovel until he is begging on his knees.
♥
We head back to the pack house when Everett can no longer track her scent, becoming increasingly frustrated when he knows we aren't finding her tonight. He took himself to his office and started to make a plan for the pack to help find her tomorrow.
When I climb into bed, exhausted and covered in sweat. I don't even bother showering.
I clench my eyes together and suppress a low groan as I roll into my pillows, a feeling of uncertainty washing over me. It makes me feel nauseous. I've felt like this all night and now I physically cannot shake it.
Is everything okay? Nate's voice sneaks into my mind unexpectedly.
My eyes snap open and I push myself up in the bed, body cascading with goosebumps. Surprise erupts in my soul, I didn't think he would ever check in. Not after our last encounter.
Did I wake you? I frown, hating myself for causing him any more inconvenience.
I could feel your distress.
Sorry. I lower my head back into the pillow.
Has something happened?
Reign has gone missing. I went looking for her with Everett but we couldn't find her.
Nate is silent for a few moments. Missing?
She left with a note and she's vanished.
Oh... he trails off. I hope you find her.
Me too.
He says nothing more but with the sound of his silklike voice in my head, somehow I manage to drift off to sleep with a thousand different thoughts on my mind.
♥ ♥ ♥
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Author's Note
Hello my angels! What did you think of this chapter?👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼
Who remembers this part from REIGN? God, Everett fucked up so badly.
Also I'm so proud of Milo for taking the first step and seeing a therapist, he really wants to put things right with Nate🥹🥰
GUYSSSS. You smashed the last votes and comments. Can we go for more? 140 votes and 45 comments to get an earlier update than next Thursday!🫶
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