I couldn't remember the last time I felt this much pain. It rang in my chest, beating with my heart; an emotional ballad of my mistakes.
As I lay in my bed, I stared up at my ceiling light, purposely dimmed because I couldn't stand the light. I didn't want to see, nor did I want the shadows. But I was in them. They lurked in my head, too. Memories of the night Lyons ruined my life replayed before my eyes, flashing against the wall as if it were a backdrop.
I wasn't supposed to be home. I wasn't supposed to witness my grandfather bleeding out in our living room. But I ditched; caught and found them, just as an agent left the Garret garage with a large box in his hands. When my father tried to stop him, he was shot; he took a bullet to the chest, and why? Why had I lost the two men in my life that night?
Because they'd followed their thoughts and hopes and dreams. And Lyons, unable to fold to anyone smaller, needed their words, their knowledge, and intelligence. They needed it but didn't need them. My family was expendable. Their lives were useless.
I made a mistake. My life is useless. Katherine sees me as a liability and surely, I'm expendable.
Pushing my palms into my eyes, I tried to get the thoughts to stop. They pulsed and pushed inside me, making me sweat and tremble. This was terror. This was regret. I didn't deserve this position and the world would crumble sooner than expected.
I just wanted to go to sleep.
"Frank."
I peeled my hands away from my face as Victoria's voice echoed from outside my room. Blinking at the dim shadows surrounding my bed, I peered at my shut door. I sat up slightly in bed to listen.
She's calling Frank, but why?
"Yes, I understand it's late, but I need you to come up to Elijah's apartment. I believe he needs you more than he needs me."
My brows pinched together. I didn't need Frank. Why would she say that? If there was anyone I needed, it was her, but I wanted her to be there for me as I was for her for years. Since I was a teenager, I depended on her, relied on her warmth and kindness; the small embraces and moments of love and support she was designed to provide. I only perfected that part of her.
Selfishly, I took it. Tonight, I expected it. Maybe that's what she meant. What I needed and wanted to take she couldn't give me; she didn't support my urge to give up. Victoria was never one to let you say no. Maybe Frank would be that person.
"Yes, Frank, this is more than a machine can handle." The emotion in her voice made me frown. I dropped down against my pillow, sighing as I continued to listen to her. "He needs another person, Frank. A human. I believe you are the best person for this request."
The best person; he was the only person. Yes, I talked to Logan and went to him today, but he was apart of my decisions. If I hadn't believed he knew a short cut, I wouldn't have a fifty million debt on my head.
I pressed my hands over my face again.
"Let yourself inside when you're here. Reggie and I are sitting in the living room, but Elijah is in his room. Thank you for accepting my request."
Closing my eyes, I took in the scent of my lotion.
***
How long was it until my front door opened? Half an hour? An hour? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that once I heard the doorknob turn and the stools in the kitchen screech, I slid off my bed and made my way to my bedroom door. While I rushed to open it, I didn't want to seem desperate to those on the other side. So, I pretended to be slow; matching the pace of my beating heart.
Seeing Frank with a similar look on his face warmed me. Did he hurt because he believed I was hurting? I was, but I hadn't told him that. Victoria did.
As he closed the door behind him, Victoria crossed the rest of the living room and cupped his face in her hands. Then she whispered, "He's changed, and there's nothing I can do. As human as he made me, I'm not it. You're it. Could you," she rubbed her thumbs over his cheeks, "be the human ear he can talk to?"
I lowered my gaze. Did I seem that lost? I felt it, but I didn't think it was visible on my face like that.
When I looked back up, Frank's gaze met mine. His shoulders slumped before he looked back at Victoria. "What happened?" he asked her.
She shook her head, her waves swishing against her back. "He will tell you." She stepped away from him and turned, catching me standing in the doorway. I couldn't look at her, though she tried. I dipped back into the room and out of sight of everyone.
"Can I just go in there?" Frank whispered.
"I'm sure he won't tell you no," Victoria replied.
I rolled my eyes. That was rude. She just invited him into my space. As footsteps approached, I huffed, and my door opened, I glanced back, rolling my eyes again. Frank only leaned against the doorway with his hands in his pockets.
It was the first time I saw him so casual. Jeans, a T-shirt; he looked like he had raided my closet.
I couldn't help but look at the numbered tattoo on his inner forearm. 45741. Was that always there but because of his clothes I hadn't seen it?
Frank lifted his brows. "I heard about what happened today from Katherine."
Did he? Had she told him everything? I doubted it.
Facing my bed, I turned my back on him and rolled my shoulders. My hands were next until my wrists cracked.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Elijah," he said.
I sighed and dropped on my bed. My face smashed against my pillow.
Frank chuckled. "It's okay. You just can't give up after the first one."
I shook my head but didn't lift it. The pillowcase rubbed against my nose. "I can't replace fifty androids, Frank."
The corner of my bed bounced. I was sure he sat down. "What?"
Lifting my head, I glanced back at him. His hand tugged at the fabric of my unused blanket. I couldn't pinpoint the emotion on his face—was it worry? Was it fear? There was always a rollercoaster in Frank's eyes; it didn't help when I was rolling on my own.
"My mistake has cost the lives of fifty newly built, almost completed androids."
Frank looked away. Perfect because this was a ride I didn't want to be on.
"I never thought this would happen," he whispered.
"Oh?" I turned on my back and propped myself up on my elbows. "Funny, because me either." I sucked my teeth. "But I was the one who thought I could cheat the system the way I've always done and went to the person I thought could help."
Frank's gaze dropped as he tongued his cheek. "Should I guess?"
"You already know." I dropped back down on the bed. What bothered me the most, as I thought about what happened, was that I should've known asking Logan for help wouldn't work. The second he admitted to writing Technician 9 magazines, it should've been clear; the number of inaccuracies in those pages were the morning funny comics for me. Logan had a general idea and compassion for what he did, but he hadn't mastered it.
Clearly, I hadn't either.
I slid my hands over my face as I stared up at the ceiling. "Katherine ordered their disposal—"
"When?" Frank quickly asked.
I glanced at him and shrugged against my pillow. "I don't know. I assume immediately. She kept mentioning the price tag over my head like it was a debt I'd have to pay."
Frank chuckled lightly. "In her head, you probably will."
I closed my eyes. Well, that was great. There wasn't a chance I could go home any time soon, was there?
"But I know how we can save those androids."
I pushed myself all the way up as my arms slapped against my legs. Save them? "They're going to be disposed of, Frank. Destroyed. Probably melted down for scrap metal for new premium androids—"
Frank shook his head. "Premium models wouldn't be made from used parts."
My eyes widened. "Oh, wonderful. We're running out of resources and Katherine's over here creating new androids from scratch every time. Bullshit."
Frank nodded. "It is. But we can save them."
He was insistent. For once, the look on his face wasn't confusing. I believed he knew a way to save these androids. I needed to know. "How?" I asked. "If they've already been assigned a disposal, then how?"
"Full disposal doesn't start for another twenty-four hours after the order," he said.
My gaze bounced around the room as I tried to figure out what the plan would be. Saving fifty heavy-ass androids from Lyons' building wouldn't be easy. "So, what? We go there and move them?"
Frank nodded. "We go in and turn them on, instruct them to leave through the sewers."
Sewers? He said this so easily, as if he'd done this before. "Frank, I'm sure Katherine's going to check on the process. There needs to be evidence. How can we move fifty droids and have nothing left over from their bodies?"
He leaned against his palm and smirked at me. "I never showed you the disposal floor."
He hadn't. Biting my lip, I shook my head.
"It's a trash heap. So, if we plan to get them out tonight, then we'll have enough parts left behind as proof that androids were there for disposal."
My brows shot up.
Frank smirked.