Florence
16th January 2023
"Florence?" Loren snapped me out of my deep thoughts, shouting my name. We were in a bar on a Monday night. We were already a little tipsy but honestly I wasn't feeling it tonight. I just wanted to be at home asleep.
"Sorry, I zoned out." I told Loren, picking up my pornstar martini and taking a sip. I hadn't heard a word Loren had said.
"Are you alright?" She mouthed to me, knowing speaking was pointless over the loud music.
I gave her a small nod.
"Would a line make you feel better?" Gracie asked. She could tell I wasn't myself but she never pushed me to tell her what's up.
I never really went out with Loren and Gracie at the same time but I needed something to take the edge off but turned to Gracie for help. Loren had met her once before and didn't particularly like her. She called her a bad influence, but I was as bad as Gracie so she couldn't say much.
I nodded to Gracie and she pulled a bag out of her pocket, pouring some coke onto the table.
I got an eye roll from Loren as I used a straw to snort the line.
"I got someone coming over here to grab some coke, gimme a sec." Gracie told me.
Fuck sake.
"You alright Gracie?" A cheery voice came from my left, looking up I saw Niall standing over the table waiting for the coke Gracie was selling him.
I knew Niall was one of Harry's band members and remembered Harry had said he expected Niall to be there when I woke up that morning in his apartment. Harry was probably here, but I didn't know if he was into clubbing the night before work. Perhaps he had Orla. I was snapped out of my thoughts once again, but this time by Niall shouting across to the whole table. "You can all come if you'd like." His unmissable Irish accent said to us.
"You coming too?" Gracie asked me.
"Going where?" I questioned. I hadn't listened to whatever it was we were being invited to.
"The party Niall just invited us to?" Grace gave me a confused look.
I fiddled with the edge of my dress I was wearing, looking down at my feet, "yeah I guess I could." I shrugged. I didn't really want to but Loren would convince me and so would Gracie.
"Yeaaa we're in!" Gracie cheerfully announced so that Niall could hear, a big grin appearing on his face.
I hope Harry isn't there.
Before I knew it we were all in the back of a taxi, making our way to the address we'd been given by Niall. I didn't know who's party it was, where we were going or why the fuck I said yes.
"Who's party are we going to?" I questioned.
"Are you okay? I thought you'd heard when Niall told us." Gracie raised her eyebrows and gave me a confused look for the second time tonight.
"Yeah yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't take it all in is all." I responded, wanting to sound believable. The last thing I needed right now was a lecture from Loren about drugs and how they have this effect. Really, the coke wasn't working. I needed something more because I still felt as dull as before.
"Oh, well it's Harry's."
"What?!" I made Loren jump with the raise of my voice. She knew everything between me and Harry and still didn't think to stop me from going to his party?
"Chill, relax, Niall invited us and said it'll be fine. Don't stress." Loren told me.
"Don't stress? He fucking hates me. He'll have me thrown out of his place in no time and that's if I can even get in. I don't wanna be around him."
"Florence, you don't have to interact with him." Loren told me.
As if that helped. Besides, why was he having a party on a Monday night? Especially when we had to work tomorrow.
I folded my arms and slumped back in my seat, staring out the window and not speaking for the rest of the journey.
We pulled up outside Harry's apartment block, memories flooded my mind of me and Harry making our way inside together. Not able to take our hands off one another.
"I can't do this." I stepped back, Loren and Gracie giving me yet another concerned look.
"Yes you can, we won't let anything happen to you." Loren's hand came up to rub my back, only making me feel more nauseous.
She was right. It was only Harry.
I gave them a small nod, stepping forward so that they knew I will be going in.
We walked into the elevator and Gracie pressed the button of the floor Harry lived on.
So many questions were rushing through my mind. What about the photos of Orla? What if Orla turns up? Does Harry know I'm coming? Will Harry be really really angry at me for coming? Does Niall know what happened?
The lift chimed, letting us know we'd stopped on the floor we needed. Loren and Gracie stepped out of the lift in front of me, I took a deep breath. Is this how I die? Maybe Harry will kill me and end the misery of tonight.
I stepped out, following behind Loren and Gracie, they opened the front door and we entered a world which can only be described as drugs, sex and rock and roll.
The room was dark, only a few lights were lit around the room. Even in the darkness I could see that there were at least 4 people having sex in this room. I could smell the alcohol and I could see reminiscents of white powder on the set of drawers to my left.
Gracie spotted Niall and immediately Niall came over to us. "Wow you actually came! Come on, let's get you three a drink." Niall urged us to follow him, so we did.
I took in my surroundings as we walked, the photos of Orla were gone. Harry had taken them down and I assume it was for the party only.
Niall took us to the kitchen, the one where I'd met Orla for the first time. The one where Harry had kicked me out of his apartment.
Harry spotted me, I didn't even need to look at him to notice. I could feel him watching me as we made our way into his kitchen. "What the fuck is she doing here?!" Nice to see you too, Harry.
"Come on mate, you just gotta be civil for a few hours. You don't even have to speak." Niall told Harry.
"No, she leaves. Now."
"No Harry, she stays and you shut the fuck up. Now." Niall argued.
"Fuck sake." Harry put his head in his hands, obviously not impressed.
He was wearing a black tshirt tucked into his white flared pants. I probably would've found him a lot hotter if he wasn't being a complete and utter dick.
"Oh come on Harry, get your head out your ass and let her stay." A brown haired man from the left of the room urged Harry.
I could see he was also covered in tattoos, was shorter than Harry and had a British accent too. Another band member perhaps?
He walked over to me. Great.
"Ignore grumps over there, what do you want to drink?" He asked.
"Vodka coke please." I shrugged. Loren and Gracie were gone. When did they leave me? Why did they leave me? Could this get any worse?
"I'm Louis by the way. Don't worry I know who you are." He said, grabbing a plastic red cup and emptying a can of coke into it. He grabbed the vodka and handed it to me. "Don't wanna put too much in, so I'll let you pour your vodka." I liked Louis, Louis seemed nice.
"Thanks." I muttered, taking the bottle off him. I poured myself a decent amount, wanting to not feel as shitty as I already did.
"I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything, see ya around Florence." Louis left me too, leaving me alone to do what I wanted.
I walked over to the living room where I could see Loren was sat on one of Harry's sofas. "I like Louis, it isn't too bad in here to be honest." I told her.
Her face lit up a little, "I'm glad. Pretty nice party right?"
"Yeah I guess so." I responded.
"I'm gonna find the bathroom but I'll be right back." She told me, standing up from where she was sat.
I didn't even know where Gracie was. I sat waiting for a few minutes, scanning the room. There were people making out left right and center, people doing coke, smoking weed, having sex. It was crazy. I'd been to some crazy parties and some crazy clubs but this was even abit much for me.
A guy with blonde curls sat down beside me, placing his hand instantly on my leg. "You look really hot." He said to me, I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Take your hand off my leg please." I asked, not entertaining him.
His hand moved further up. "Don't be boring, come on."
I could feel him forcing himself onto me, he was leaning in to kiss me and I would've punched him in the face if I had the chance. But I didn't.
"She said no." Harry at some point had walked over here and grabbed the guys tshirt, forcing him to stand up and get off me.
"It was only a bit of fun man, chill." The guy said, Harry let go of his tshirt. Harry must have been half a foot taller than this guy.
"Whatever. She still said no." Harry turned around to walk away and left it at that and I was grateful for him interruption but was still confused.
I couldn't say I wasn't used to guys forcing themselves on me that way.
The man turned to face me again, "didn't want a whore like you anyway."
The next thing I knew the guy was on the floor and Harry was walking away back to the kitchen as if nothing had happened. Harry hit him so hard he fell to the floor in one hit.
I couldn't breathe. Air wasn't going into my lungs the way it should and the burning sensation was too much. My eyes were burning too, I didn't want to cry.
I needed to get out of here before it got any worse but I knew it wouldn't get any better so I scrambled to the only other room I knew, Harry's bedroom. The hallway was a blur to me and I slumped onto the edge of Harry's bed, not caring if he came in here and killed me or not.
My lungs were on fire. Everything was too much and I felt like I was going to throw up.
"I suggest you get the fuck out of my bedroom." Harry's tall figured loomed in his bedroom door.
I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe.
"Woah are you alright?" Harry rushed to my side, sitting next to me on the bed. "Florence, deep breaths. Come on count with me, one."
"O-one."
"Two."
"T-two."
"Three."
"Three." I repeated, taking a deep breath each time.
"Good girl, better?" He asked me, looking at my face for any sort of reassurance that I was feeling better.
I gave him a slight nod. I felt drained. It wasn't a big panic attack, but it was enough to make me feel awful.
"Do you want to go back in there or stay here for a second?" Harry asked me.
"Stay here." I replied, knowing I'd be going home after this.
"Okay, I'll give you a minute." Harry said, pushing himself up off the bed with the palms of his hands.
"Stay." I muttered, barely audible over the loud music.
"What?" Harry turned back around to face me.
"Nothing." I shook it off as if I never said it, I knew he was only helping because it was the right thing to do.
"Right, try not to get yourself in that situation again." He gave me a stern look as he said the sentence I didn't need to hear right now.
"What did you just say to me?" I stood up, taking a step forward. Harry stood in his front of his door staring at me as if he didn't want to hear my voice ever again.
"Twice. Twice I've had to stop these situations Florence."
"Are you for fucking real right now?! Harry I didn't ask for this to happen! I didn't ask you to save me!" I was beyond furuous. How can he insinuate that this is my fault?
"Well maybe you shouldn't wear your stupid short dresses then." He shrugged.
I wanted to cry but I knew that it'd only annoy him more, the burning feeling in my throat returned from holding back my tears, "Maybe men should have some self control instead. Ever thought about that?"
"You know what Florence? I didn't even get a thank you from you so maybe I shouldn't have fucking cared at all." Harry yelled back at me. He calls this caring?
"I was having a fucking panic attack Harry, you think I could've said thank you if I tried?"
"He didn't even touch you! I stopped him. There wasn't anything to panic over!" Harry just continued to yell and my heart sunk deeper and deeper with every word he said. Perhaps it was my fault. Perhaps I over reacted.
"Just get the fuck out!"
"This is my house Florence, you get the fuck out!" Harry shot back at me.
I didn't answer, I just stepped forward to walk out of his room. He opened the door abruptly and let me leave. I rushed down his hallway, through the living room and ran out his front door. I couldn't hold the tears in anymore so I just let them fall. I got in the lift to go down to the ground floor so that I could get out of this place but just as the doors were shutting, Harry's hand stopped them, his rings clinking on the metal door.
"What are you doing?" I questioned. He just told me to leave and now he's following me?
"Making sure you get home."
"What?" I furrowed my brows at him. I'd never met anyone so confusing.
"Just shut up and let me make sure you get home okay."
"You can't just go around blaming this all on me and then tell me to shut up when I'm confused about you actually giving a shit." I snapped at him.
"I shouldn't have blamed it on you, I'm sorry. I wouldn't blame Orla if this happened to her, so I shouldn't blame you either." Harry looked shyly at his feet as he spoke, spinning the rings around his fingers on his left hands anxiously.
"Yeah, you shouldn't, but I am perfectly capable of getting a taxi home Harry. I don't need you to follow me." I said in a monotone voice. I didn't really want him to know where I lived and how could I trust him not to lash out after what had happened moments before?
"Well let me just wait with you." His eyes met mine for the first time since we got in the lift.
"Fine." I knew he wasn't going to drop it so I just gave in.
I heard him mutter a small thank you before we got out of the lift and exited the front doors. I pulled out my packet of cigarettes from the bag that was sat on my shoulder. I took one out and held the packet towards Harry. "Want one?"
He gave me a small nod and took one out too. I lit mine and handed him the lighter.
"You know it might be a while before a taxi drives by, I could call one for you." Harry said, lifting the cigarettes back up to his lips.
Confusion was a big word running through my mind. He blames it on me that the man tried to force himself onto me but yet he stopped him and calmed me down and is waiting with me. I didn't understand.
"I'm fine, I might even walk." I shrugged.
"Absolutely not."
"I wasn't asking your permission Harry." I responded, bluntly.
"Look, I wouldn't like this situation if it was Orla so I shouldn't be shit to you either. Please just come back inside before you catch a cold or something." Harry urged me to follow him but I continued to refuse.
"You can't catch a cold from the air."
"Don't be a smart ass, get inside." Harry's eyes rolled.
"Make me."
And then the next thing I knew Harry's lips were on mine and I was unable to catch my breath. His lips were cold against mine but his presence was so warm and inviting. I couldn't help but bring my hands up to the back of his neck as we made out in front of his apartment building. Harry was the first to pull away, both of us breathless from the kiss.
"Please, come inside." His eyes pleaded with mine and in this moment he seemed so gentle.
"I can't." I whispered, looking down at my feet, as his face was still inches away from mine.
"Why?"
"I won't want to leave." I told him honestly.
Despite all of the confusion and the way he'd treated me, he was still utterly attractive and every time we kissed or touched it reminded me that I'd never felt that much electric with anybody else.
"Then don't." I lifted my head up so my eyes met his again, "Stay with me Florence. All night."
"What if Orla catches us?" I questioned.
"Fuck it. She likes you. I trust her judgement." He told me honestly.
"You don't trust your own judgement?"
"No. Not particularly." His honesty with such a personal question shocked me. But then again, everything about Harry shocked me.
"Okay, I'll stay." I replied.