CHAPTER TEN
[10]
song: culling by fein
Kiara found Cassie first, quickly catching up with her after second period. Cassie had made a quick escape to the door the moment the bell rang, hoping to avoid any conversation during passing period. But to no avail as Kiara latched onto her arm.
"Yo," she starts, slightly confused by Cassie's urgency. She tries to read her face for a moment before she continued on, their classmates flooding into the hall past them. "We tried to pick you up this morning but your grandma said you'd already left."
Cassie clenched her jaw, looking around the hallway for some excuse to pull her from this conversation. "Yeah, I had to get here early today." She says quietly, readjusting her bag on her shoulder.
Catching glance of John B, Pope and JJ, who came out of a classroom down the hall, Cassie felt the urge to curl into a ball and hide, knowing her next period was spent with all of them collectively.
"I'm going to the bathroom." She says quickly, not giving Kiara the chance to get another word in before the blonde had turned on her heel to leave. Cassie shoved open the heavy door, almost knocking over a girl who was on her way out. "Sorry." She mumbled, walking over to the farthest stall.
She stepped inside, locked it quickly behind her, and leaned against the wall to attempt a deep breath. There was nothing more humiliating than crying at school, and she promised herself the night before she'd get it all out then so she wouldn't do it now. But seeing her friends, or who she thought were her friends— made it quite difficult.
She really did try not to let her mind go to the darkest places. She tried to push down the thoughts of betrayal, and hurt, but it was impossible when she was already having these thoughts before she'd found out the truth. These thoughts that she wasn't really a Pogue; she'd already joined the group late, and on top of that, missed a year with them— a year in which lots of dramatic, life-changing events took place.
She was out of place. She always had been. And her brother sending her way because no one knew how to deal with her, was just confirmation in that.
She shuffled through her bag, searching for a mint, or a piece of candy, or gum, anything that would replicate the feeling of a pill as she felt those urges slowly crawling back into her routine.
When she'd found nothing, she came back out of the stall, texted a girl, Aubri, she knew who usually had something— even if it was just weed— and told her to meet her here. Aubri'd only sold to Cassie a few times. Before she left, Cassie always bought from Barry, which was her first of many mistakes. But he was cheaper, and that's who everyone in the county bought from.
Aubri, wasn't, technically a dealer. She just did drugs. And if she felt like it, she shared them.
The final bell was ringing when Aubri finally came into the bathroom. Cassie leaned up from the wall and put her phone away, nodding in the girl's direction. "Hey." She greeted her, awkward, ashamed.
Aubri eyed her suspiciously. "What do you want?" It sounded rude if you were to listen in with zero context, but she was genuinely just asking the question.
Cassie took a breath, thinking. "Um, what do you have?"
Aubri glanced under the stall doors to ensure there was no one else in here. "I've got like an eighth on me right now, and a few gummies but that's it." She says, reaching into her backpack to pull them out.
Cassie thought about it for a second. "Do you have anything stronger?" She asked after a moment of silence.
Aubri glances up at her, eyes narrowing. "Not here. But what do you want?"
She fully knew this was wrong. But she couldn't stop herself. "I don't know. Xanax, or—"
"I can get you Xanax." Aubri nods.
Cassie took in a shaky breath. "Okay. Um— when?" She didn't want to sound too eager. Didn't want this girl spreading the idea that she was back into drugs again, because she wasn't. She just needed something to help her relax right now.
Aubri scratched her forehead, her stringy brown hair in her face as she thought. "You going to the bonfire tonight?" She asks.
"Oh, yeah— I forgot that was happening. Yeah." Cassie nodded.
"Okay, sick I'll meet up with you there. I'll bring some other shit too."
Cassie left the bathroom door to an empty hallway, the bell had already rang and everyone was in their respective classrooms. Except her, Aubri, and JJ, who leaned off a wall down the hall like he was waiting for her.
She stopped, holding the door open for Aubri as she realized what this looked like as the shorter, brunette girl followed out behind her. It was no secret that Aubri used, too.
JJ looks at Aubri, who sent him a slight nod as she walked away and last him, and then he looked up to Cassie, a sort of horror in his eyes that she had absolutely zero patience for.
"Are you fucking serious?" JJ asks, his voice louder than either of them expected.
Cassie's eyes widened, embarrassment and anger flooding her system all at once. "Shh!" Cassie says, gesturing around to the several class in session around them.
"No, no— what'd she give you?" He says, walking towards her quickly, ripping his baseball cap off his head.
Cassie puts her hands up defensively, stepping back from him in disbelief. "Nothing! Oh my god!" She raises her voice slightly, "Can you relax?!"
He wipes his nose frustratedly, taking a step back and looking around to try and compose himself before he turns back to his sister. "What's up? What's going on? Because—"
"I don't want to talk to you." She says with a huff, turning on her heel to head the other direction.
JJ stays in place, confused. "Are you high right now?" He asks in an accusing tone.
She turns back around quickly, and lets out a loud laugh. "You are such a joke." She says, almost in shock.
He flings his arms out to the side, wanting an answer. "Are you?"
"No, I'm not. But if I were—" she swallows, thinking for a moment, realizing her anger was fueling everything now, but also knowing there wasn't much she could do about it. "I'm sure you'd be more than happy to give Kitty Hawk another call, am I right?"
He was quiet.
"Yeah." Cassie nods, expecting nothing less. "Dad told me. Which—" she takes a second to gather her next words, "—I guess is the real reason you didn't want me to visit him."
"That's not true." JJ says, his voice quieter and more ashamed.
"What's not true? About dad, or the fact that you're the reason I was gone for a year?!" She raised her voice at the end, her eyebrows furrowed together as she yelled.
"Cassie you were gonna kill yourself, I— what did you want me to do?!" JJ shakes his head, eyes wide, matching her tone.
"Not— not ship me off?! To a labor camp?! Where they—" she started feeling like she was about to list off all the horrible things she'd gone through there, but she didn't even want to let her mind slip back into the place. "You should've talked to me?! We could've figured something out—"
"No. I couldn't have. No one could you were so far gone Cassie." He scoffs. "I'm sorry, okay— but aren't you glad you did it?! You're clean now, you—"
"Glad I missed out on an entire year of my life to being absolutely miserable?! And coming back with no idea what's going on around here—"
"Then maybe you shouldn't have been fucking around with oxy, I don't know?!" JJ snaps at her, waving his hands around in her face like she was an idiot.
"Fuck you!" Cassie snapped, feeling tears well up in her eyes. She didn't curse very often. She didn't yell very often. And she certainly didn't feel like this very often either.
He laughed at her, shocked by it all, then his face fell into disbelief. "Fuck you!" He yelled back.
And that was when they both realized that every door in the hallway was open, heads poking out, their classmates all watching.
"Come on, don't." Cassie hears John B say, assumedly pulling her brother away from the scene, but she was so mortified she couldn't take her eyes off of the onlookers.
How much had they heard? How much had they seen? She was so caught up in the whole thing she'd completely forgotten she was in the middle of the hallway.
"Fuck outta my face." JJ snaps at someone, smacking a phone they were using to record it all onto the tile floor.
"Dude, chill." Pope says, pushing him along down the hall, "Sorry, sorry—"
"Let's go, alright? We'll go outside—"
Cassie pulls away from Kiara's touch, not even processing that the girl had walked up to her. Slowly, she brought her wide eyes away from the crowd to meet Kiara's before shaking her head. "Did you know?" She asked quietly.
Kiara swallowed harshly, and immediately went to avoid eye contact, and that was answer enough.
Cassie let her face fall into her palms, tears beginning to spill from her eyes.
"Okay, go the hell away!" Kiara starts to announce, stepping back and waving off the crowds. "Come on, have some fucking sympathy."
"Do I need to call security?" A teacher, who was watching from the doorway behind a crowd of students, eventually asks.
Kiara looked at the woman like she was stupid. "Security? She's crying not fucking— jesus. No?" She scoffs, before turning back to Cassie. "I'll drive you home."
Cassie wipes her tears quickly, shaking her head. "No, no. I'm— I need to be alone." And she could barely finish her sentence before she was turning and walking down the hallway.
It took only minutes to plead with the nurse that she was deathly ill. That she'd been puking all day and had to go home. The tears stains on her cheeks and her puffy eyes worked in her favor in this case, and soon she was on her way home with an excused absence.
When she got home, her grandma poked her head out of the kitchen to see who it was that just came through the door. Confused to see Cassie dropping her bag off in the doorway. "That was fast." She says, with a slight chuckle.
And then Cassie's lip began to curl up— that way it does when you're trying so hard not to cry but it was plainly inevitable— and then she was in the kitchen, hugging her grandma and sobbing.
"Oh my, oh my, what's wrong?" Her grandma says, pulling away and holding onto Cassie's shoulders, confused.
Her grandma's touch was cold, like any old person's. Her long, painted nude fingernails and wrinkly old skin. Her cheap costume jewelry and colored short hair. Her delicate glasses and tacky floral blouses. She wore the same perfume her mother did, Marc Jacobs Daisy Dream, and hugging her sometimes felt like hugging her mom. Because she only really remembered her smell.
"I just feel— I don't feel good." Cassie laughed out her tears, wiping them away embarrassedly.
Her grandma watched her steadily, not sure what to do or say. "What's wrong?" She asked again.
Cassie sniffled. "I think I'm a bad person."
Her grandma's shoulders slumped, a sort of relief taking over her body as she realized how silly this was, and how silly it was for her granddaughter to believe that. She shook her head, as if disappointed with the idea. "Cassidy you are not a bad person." She spoke sternly, then gestured towards the kitchen chair. "Sit down."
Cassie shuffled over to the wooden chair, pulled it out and sat down, resting her chin on her palms as her grandma sat across from her.
"You know when you were seven, and you and your mom moved back here for a little bit?" Her grandma started, grabbing onto Cassie's hands to bring them away from her face. "You really wanted to make friends. You loved playing at the beach, and when your mom took you, she told me that the little girls who were there were ignoring you, you know? They didn't know you so they didn't care if they hurt your feelings. And you came home one day, real sad about it, and when your mom tried to make you feel better by saying stuff like— 'well you're too good for them' or 'they seemed like snotty bitches anyways' you, you at seven, told your mom that they were probably just having a bad day. Or they were just too nervous to talk to a new girl. Or—" her grandma started to laugh, recalling the memory. "You were seven. And you were already too nice for your own good. Because they were snotty bitches! But you— you saw the good in them. And I don't know where you got that. It wasn't from me, I'll tell you that. And it certainly wasn't from your dad's side."
Cassie had absolutely zero recollection of it, but she believed her. The only reason she even believes the fact that she'd lived in the OBX for a couple months at age seven was because of pictures, the rest of it was all a blur.
"You are a good person, Cassie." She squeezes her hands. "But don't let that eat you up, sometimes— a good person needs to be a little selfish sometimes. Or a little mean. Or a little inconsiderate. It's healthy."
Cassie laughed out another sob, wiping her nose. "So I need to be meaner?"
Her grandma shakes her head. "No. You need to be tougher. You need to go for what you want. You need to— tell whoever it was that made you cry like this— tell them they're a snotty bitch. And— you need to understand it's okay to live for yourself sometimes."
Cassie felt as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders.
"Do you want zucchini bread?" Her grandma asked with a curious nod.
And Cassie smiled.
She sat on the living room couch for a while, for the first time since she'd been back. She lay on it with her legs sprawled over her grandma's lap, as some black and white western movie, with delayed captions, and way too loud of volume, played on the tv.
A fresh loaf of zucchini bread, half eaten, sat on the coffee table in front of them. And on top of that, a tray of baked cinnamon rolls Cassie had popped out of a can just half an hour before, also half eaten.
She felt better. She felt relaxed, and tired, but distracted. Her mind was elsewhere for now, she wasn't in the OBX anymore, she was just in her grandma's living room, watching a movie. No drama, no drugs, no—
Her phone buzzes.
She lifts her head up and pulls away the hair that had stuck to her face from the tears, grabbing her phone from under her to read the text.
aubri vazquez:
how's $50 for 4mg
Cassie leans on her elbows, rereading the text over and over, her heart beginning to pound at the remembrance of the bonfire tonight. She rubbed her eyes, then looked up at her grandma, who was seconds from falling asleep. It was barely eight o'clock. If her grandma was asleep, there wasn't much left to occupy her mind. And a party could be a good distraction from the events of today.
cassie maybank:
that works thanks
—
song: pyramids by frank ocean
The bonfire was an Outerbanks tradition. One of the few where students from both high schools came together, to do nothing but get plastered out of the confines of their sides of the island. It was the same weekend every year. And if you weren't there, you were missing out on context for the newest topic of conversation for the next several weeks.
It took place in a half-built, half-torn down factory that was being built in The Cut, then after protests from nature conservationists, never got finished. So now, it was just graffiti'd cement walls, a make-shift skatepark, a smoke spot, and home to the annual party.
In the midst of the crowd of almost every single teenager on the island, was a roaring fire, at least ten feet tall. It illuminated everything within a hundred foot radius. If you were needing privacy, you were going to have to walk fairly far, which is why everyone took the liberty of just making out right next to one another, hoping everyone was just too drunk to care.
Walking into any party alone was daunting. In fact, it was one of Cassie's greatest fears. Walking in, looking around for someone you know, someone seeing you looking around for someone, and then just standing there, petrified, and alone.
Thankfully, she'd thought ahead this time. After making sure her grandma was well asleep, she'd swiped one of the few bottles of booze she kept in the house. She didn't even know what it was, just took whatever had the strongest alcohol content and left.
It was pine-y. And citrus-y. And after a few drinks, she didn't gag after every sip, so she was doing something right.
And then she heard that familiar squeak of The Twinkie's breaks. Like it was a dog whistle or something. She heard it through all the commotion, and the loud music, and she turned to see John B, Pope, Kiara and JJ all pile out of the van at once.
She scoffed, her eyes rolling back into her head as she wondered who made these plans. And how long have they'd had a group-chat without her, because she wasn't getting any of these texts.
Kiara spoke with Pope, hesitant, glancing around for booze, while JJ immediately attracted a group of girls, and he was living for it. He smiled, and hugged each of them like they were old friends. And it only took John B ten seconds before he was already off with another girl. One that wasn't Sarah.
She watched from afar, quickly catching onto how much she'd missed.
She pushed through the crowd, towards one of the several plastic tables lined with random bottles, and cans, and cups. The music was thundering in her ears, and it felt good, she felt it in her feet and up in her chest. And she liked the way it made it so she couldn't hear what the girls next to her were so clearly whispering about her.
She picked up a bottle off the table and poured whatever it was back into her own bottle, mixing together what she was sure to be a putrid next sip. Looking directly up at the girls, she sent them a slight smile.
"I like your dress." One of them gestured towards her.
It was becoming harder and harder to understand if girls like them were being genuine sometimes. She glanced down at her cream colored, silk slip dress, before looking back up. "Thanks." She says, wiping her mouth after taking a drink. "Are you guys from Kildare Academy?"
They look at each other, as if they were expecting that part to be obvious. Then smiled with a slight huff, and nodded. "Yeah, freshman. You're JJ's sister, right?"
Cassie clenched her jaw. "Yes."
The girl let out a loud laugh, murmuring something to the other, to which she laughed too. "Okay, but he's like— fine as hell."
Cassie inhaled deeply, all interest in the conversation disappearing at once, as she brings the bottle back up to her lips and walks away.
And then she caught glance of Sarah, who was talking to Topper, leaned up against one of the cement walls.
She wasn't expecting to see her here. And she definitely wasn't expecting to see her here with Topper, suspiciously close, and smiling up at him as he spoke.
Looking up, she found Aubri, who sat up at the top of the retaining wall with a group of people, her legs hung over the side as she looked down at the fire below. Cassie pulled out her phone and texted her.
cassie maybank:
hey i'm here do u want to meet somewhere
And then she watched Aubri take her phone from her pocket, glance at the text, before hesitating and putting it back away.
A scoff, louder than expected, fell from Cassie's lips as she watched Aubri continue on like she hadn't just ignored her.
She took another sip, knowing that if she wasn't able to get her hands on some pills tonight, she at least had a few drinks to get her through the night.
"What's up, Cas?" Sarah says, approaching her with caution, a little bit of hesitance in her voice as she watched the blonde down the bottle.
Cassie about choked, bringing it down from her lips before wiping them with her wrist. She swallowed and looked at Sarah, then to Topper who stood beside her. "Hey, I'm—" Cassie got a head-rush, and blinked a few times. "Woah. Hi. I'm sorry, Sarah. How are you?"
And then Cassie pulled her into a hug neither of them were expecting. Sarah looked at Topper over Cassie's shoulder, sending him a knowing, concerned look.
Sarah pulled away and inhaled sharply. "I don't really wanna think about it all, right now." She shrugs it off, then glances at the bottle in Cassie's hand. "What's that?"
Cassie looks down at it too, then shrugs lazily. "Who knows." She felt her words beginning to slur together. "Tastes a little bit like battery acid I'm not gonna lie."
Sarah laughs hesitantly, looking at Topper then back to Cassie.
Cassie asks, wiping her mouth again. "Hey— did you and, did you and John B break up? I'm missing something I think—"
Sarah scratches the back of her neck, glancing around the party. "Mhm. Yeah, we did."
"—or get divorced? I don't know... how that works." Cassie continues like she didn't really hear her answer.
"Okay, I think I'm gonna go get your brother..." Sarah says awkwardly, starting to turn, eyes quickly darting around the crowd.
Cassie shakes her head quickly. "No, God, please don't. I think that's a very bad idea. I think a better idea would be—" she takes another drink. "—would be to go shotgun a beer with me."
Topper finally stepped in. "You should probably pace yourself, it's pretty early—"
Cassie gave him a look. "You can mind your business."
Sarah turns back around quickly, shocked to hear the words come from her mouth. "Cassie!" She says sternly.
"Ugh." The blonde leaves, pushing in between Sarah and Topper to head up the hill to where she saw Aubri earlier. Letting out a series of 'hello''s to almost everyone she walked past.
"What's up Maybank!" Someone, a guy she sort-of recognized shouted as she got to the top of the hill. He was one of the people who sat with Aubri, all of their legs hung over the wall as they passed a joint among each other.
Cassie shrugs towards Aubri. "Why are you ignoring my texts?" She confronts her.
Aubri swallows, looking around at her friends awkwardly. "Hit up Barry, I don't know." She shrugs, looking at Cassie like she was crazy.
Cassie blinked a few times. "Wh— you don't have it?"
"Not for you. I've been given strict instructions not to sell you shit, and I have always been one to follow the rules."
The group of guys start laughing, and Cassie looks at each of them, then back to Aubri. "From who?"
Aubri shrugs lazily, taking the joint and putting it to her lips. "Fuckin'... John B and his friends and shit, I don't know, man. I don't mess around there, John B's my brother."
The guys laugh again.
Cassie felt a flush to her face, and then she felt herself walking towards her. "Give it to me. I have your money—"
"Woah, woah," a couple of the boys exclaim, as Aubri gets to her feet.
"Relax." Aubri says, trying to control the scene.
Cassie's eyes were wide in disbelief. "You told me you'd bring it to me you can't just go back on—"
"I can if you're gonna get messy about it, alright?" Aubri puts her hands out defensively. "I shouldn't have even texted you back, it's not like we all forgot about last year."
Cassie took a step back, her shoulders falling. She glanced around to everyone, all of them watching her, waiting for her to snap, or do something drastic. She swallowed it down, then looked at Aubri. "Please."
Aubri stood firm. "No."
And then Cassie was off, again, a loud groan escaping her lips as she made her way back down the hill to the fire. Someone bumped into her, and with it, she spilt the remains of her drink on her dress.
"Oh, shit!" He laughed, turning around to see what he'd done. "Shit, I'm sorry."
Cassie just stood there, too drunk to really be phased by it, but she understood that it was cold. She shook off her hands and let out a breath, before storming past him and back over to the drink table.
And as if he was waiting for it, JJ was standing there and got in her path. "I know you don't want to talk to me right now but you need to chill the fuck out—" he says, putting his hands up to stop her from continuing.
Cassie pushed on him, eyes remaining forward on the drink table. "I know you've got them on speed dial." She laughs, "I lived with a lot of teen alcoholics this past year I'm thinking I might switch it up—"
"This isn't funny." JJ shakes his head as she pushes past her. "You're freaking us all out—"
"Oh, my bad." She says as she reads the label of each bottle she picks up. "You all can get wasted but when I do it it's a problem—"
"None of us have been to rehab." JJ says from behind her.
Cassie spins around with the new bottle she'd selected. "Well, I'm— rehabilitated. So. Cheers." She raises the bottle up towards him, who was absolutely not amused.
She found solace in a group of Kildare Academy kids who stood off by the fire, playing a game of beer pong on the ground since no one brought a table. She sat in between two girls on a wall, as they talked to one in another.
"I think the only thing that makes me nervous is that I don't see myself kissing him." One says.
"Yeah I never want to kiss any guy after a first date, though." The other responds. "'Cause it still feels like friends-vibes."
"No exactly and I think it could be too soon too? Like after what happened with Carsen?"
And then it was silence. Or at least, it was in Cassie's head. The world around her fell quiet and she just sat there and watched it. Her head throbbed, she could hear that. The inner corners of her eyes stinging.
She had no idea how long she'd been sat here watching everything. Watching her friends carry on without her, watch Sarah and John B flirt with people that weren't each other. Watch Aubri sell her drugs to someone else. Watch JJ win a game of flip cup, watch Pope cheer him on.
She could fall forward and black out at any minute, and the idea of that feeling kept her drinking.
"Bold of him to show up."
Cassie realized she was following the two girl's— whose names she never learned, whose conversation she wasn't sure how she became a part of— gazes over across the party, past the fire, where Rafe Cameron stood and talked to Kelce.
She'd almost forgotten about all that. Almost.
She had another sip.
"Sarah's here too. They must not be taking it very hard."
Cassie rubbed her eyes, taking a deep breath. And when she exhaled, she must not have looked very steady as both of the girls held onto her arms to support her on the wall.
Cassie laughed with them, her world spinning a bit.
"Look me in the eyes." One of them spoke.
Cassie lazily turned her head towards them, and then started laughing again.
"Girl, you're done." She laughed too.
"Just a couple more drinks I'm—" her words slurred together, and she felt herself wanting to look up at him, to see if he had seen her yet. "I'm trying to hydrate."
He hadn't, he was still busy talking to Kelce. And she was relieved. That was the last thing she needed right now.
"Let's hydrate you with water." The other girl spoke, and then gestured for one of the boys they were with to go get her some.
It felt like the guy was there and back within a split second, and then she was drinking the water from the plastic cup, or more so holding the edge of the cup between her teeth and spilling the water on the ground.
And then there was yelling, and everyone stopped what they were doing, and the girl's beside her stood up, quickly rushing over towards the fire.
Cassie was slow to move, stumbling around crowds of people who pushed against each other to see what the commotion was.
Grunts, and yells, and screams, and as Cassie clung onto people to help keep her upright— she realized Topper had John B pinned to the ground, and was hitting him. And then Kelce came out of nowhere, and bumped into a Pogue in just the wrong way, and he got hit too. And then Pope had Kelce, and then JJ was pulling Pope off him. And then Sarah got pushed, and Kiara got involved.
She couldn't hold herself upright. She knew she was too drunk, but somehow not drunk enough. The urge to sober up would never come, not until she was fully out of this. Out of this constant commotion and chaos.
Cassie stepped back and took another drink, half of it spilling from her mouth, her lips numb.
"Go the fuck home!" She heard someone in the crowd yell.
And then John B, Pope, Kiara and JJ all burst from the crowd, making their way toward the van, but not without sparing a glance towards Cassie.
She remained in the crowd, just one of the many people who looked down at them, and stared, and watched. She didn't even care anymore. Didn't care that John B's lip was bleeding, or Pope was holding his nose like it'd just got punched. Or that her brother's knuckles were torn up.
They all piled in the van without her, and Kiara was the last to go, as if taking a second to try and plead with Cassie.
But the girl just fell back into the crowd, succumbing to the commotion, everything around her spinning. Her knees were starting to feel weak, her eyes tired. The music was too loud now.
She stumbled out of the crowd, back over to where she was previously. Her spot on the wall was open still, the girl's were gone and all who remained were a few Kildare Academy boys passing around a joint.
She leaned against the wall first, struggling to get herself up and onto it to sit. Her bones feeling like jelly.
"You good, Maybank?" One of them nodded towards her.
Cassie smiled. Maybe. She couldn't really feel her face anymore. "Mhm." She muttered.
He glanced at his friends, passing them the joint before wandering over to her. He offered his hand, and she used it to steady herself before she climbed up on the wall.
Cassie blushed. She sat up on the wall and he stood in front of her, leaning his hands on either side of her. She tried to remain composed, despite the fact that she was painfully close to throwing up on him, or falling off the wall. Or both. And she knew she looked like shit. She could feel the makeup that had smudged under her eyes.
"What are you doing?" She asked quietly, a small laugh escaping her lips as she processed how close he was.
The guy shrugged a bit. He was cute, with a curly head of brown hair and a strong jaw. He probably played football. Or rugby. And he had money. She caught glance of the gold Rolex on his wrist; and the delicate chain around his neck.
She brought her finger up and looped it around the chain, examining the way it sparkled with the fire behind him. She was significantly bolder when this intoxicated. Everyone was. Maybe that's why he was so close.
"I've been waiting for your brother to leave all night." He spoke quietly.
Cassie kept her eyes on the chain, blinking slowly as she tried to keep herself upright, though her body was begging her to go lay down. "Why?" She whispered back.
"'Cause he would've shot my ass if he saw me do this." He leaned forward suddenly and Cassie felt his lips on her neck.
She laughed at first, letting it happen for a few seconds before she put her hands up on his shoulders and pushed him away. "I don't even know who you are." She chuckled.
He seemed slightly offended by this, but tried to play it off. "Who cares?" He shrugged, leaning back in, but this time kissing her lips.
Cassie breathed in deeply, too sluggish to put forth the effort of pushing him away again, but knowing she wanted to. She felt his hands on her thighs as he pulled her closer.
"What's up, man?" She heard a few guys close by say to someone. "Yeah, how you been Rafe?" Another said.
The guy who was kissing her pulled away, and without a second glance at her, he had turned around to walk over to the rest of his friends.
Cassie met eyes with Rafe almost immediately, as he did that stupid little boy-hand-shake thing that they always did. But he kept his eyes on her as they spoke to him.
She wiped her mouth quickly, her cheeks flushing. She pulled her dress back down from where the guy had unwillingly gathered it up.
"Didn't think you'd show up." He spoke to Rafe.
Rafe finally looks at him. "Yeah, I needed to get out of the house."
He turns back to look at Cassie. Who took priority in grabbing her bottle of booze before struggling to get back down off the wall. She looked like shit. Like she could barely stand on her own. And she couldn't, the second her feet hit the ground, her knees buckled and she stumbled back against the wall. She laughed to herself, and with it, took another drink.
The guy glanced at Cassie, then back to Rafe after he realized he was watching her. "Dude, she's so fucked up right now she has no idea what's going on—"
"Hit that now, 'cause who knows when her brother's gonna show back up with a fucking gun." Another guy laughs, hitting Rafe's chest playfully.
Rafe scratched the back of his head, watching as Cassie began to stumble her way into the dark. He turns back to the group of Kildare Academy boys, all of them watching her like she was nothing, waiting for just the right moment to strike.
"I'll catch you guys later, alright?" Rafe says, puffing out his chest slightly, and nodding his head toward them, putting on that facade he had grown so accustomed to.
They'd yelled a couple comments to him as he walked off, which earned a few fits of laughter among each other, but he'd already checked out of the conversation to hear any of it. He was focused on her now, catching up before she got too far.
She was moving slowly, with every step he wondered if this would be the one where she fully topples over and blacks out. "Cassie," he raised his voice to get her attention, but he didn't mean to startle her.
She turned around, which appeared to be too much motion as she brought a hand to her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm— where's the, um— my car?"
Rafe looked around, not wanting to be the one to deal with this, hoping to find someone else to manage her, but no one seemed to spare the girl any mind. "Shit." He mumbled to himself, scratching his forehead. "You seriously think you're good to drive right now?" He asked, looking at her like she was stupid.
She let out a lazy laugh, "Mmm no."
He tried to remain patient, taking another second to look for someone who could have been her friend. For Sarah, or even Topper. Someone else who was better suited for this. But no one was around.
She brought the bottle back up to her lips and Rafe took an instinctive step forward. "Stop." He says.
She didn't, she took a sip, keeping her eyes on his, before wiping her mouth and shrugging. "No."
And now he was annoyed. "Don't be stupid."
When she went to shift her weight onto her other foot, she about lost her balance. She held her hands out, and laughed. "Woah."
"Do you want to go home?" He asked her sternly, like he was about to lecture her.
Cassie felt her throat burn from her previous drink. She looked around at the commotion of the party again, at the guy who had just kissed her and had already moved onto someone else. Of the blazing fire that had hours of burn left in it. And she felt her head throbbing, her muscles aching. She felt herself nodding before she could even process her answer.
"I'll drive— just, stop." Rafe says.
She hadn't realized he was taking the bottle of alcohol out of her hand, her eyes were still focused forward at the party. And then he was leading her away, towards where all the cars were parked.
"Wait—" Cassie started. "I can't go home— my—" she stumbled back, another head-rush.
Rafe regretted ever showing up.
"Just get in the fucking car." He raised his voice, unexpectedly frustrated with her.
Cassie looked at him, her eyes sadder than he wanted to see them.
And then he was driving, glancing at the girl in the passenger seat every other second to make sure her eyes were still open, as she leaned against the window, completely still.
"Can I stay at yours?" She eventually asked after the mostly silent car ride. Her voice was meek, and quiet, and sad.
He looked at her, and then back to the road. "What?"
She kept herself leaned against the window, afraid that too much movement would make her sick. "I don't want to go home right now."
Rafe felt his fingers tighten around the steering wheel, his mind racing with all sorts of emotions he couldn't get himself to understand. "What about your friends?" He scoffed slightly.
Cassie was quiet for a few seconds. "They're not my friends."
a/n
👀 development!