The air was calming, not too cold, not too warm. We were in the middle of spring, outdoors and wearing very warm robes, but somehow I still wasn't sweating.
I looked around nervously, the ceremony had commenced a while ago, but I could hardly focus. I was surrounded by thousands of students, the nerves and excitement were felt in the atmosphere. Everyone was giddy and happy to be surrounded by their loved ones, who came from far away to celebrate their accomplishments.
It was graduation day, after all, and in the Tercentenary Theatre, there was a combination of loved ones and students who anxiously awaited their diplomas. Everyone had someone who had come to see them, or at least that was what it felt like for me because the only people here for me were my best friend - who was also graduating - and my emotional support dog, Mist. And yes, I realize my dog doesn't count as a person, but otherwise, this would be too sad. And I'm currently trying to have a positive outlook in life.
"Arella," Lucy called out, having probably been calling my name for a while.
"Yes?" I said, looking back at her. Lucía Cortés looked beautiful in everything, but she looked radiant in her graduation robe. My friend's beauty was otherworldly, I had never seen anyone more beautiful than her, and that seemed to be a common theme when it came to her.
Lucy was beautiful, popular, and had very kindly adopted me when she met me. The usual case of an introvert being adopted by an extroverted popular person ending up in them becoming best friends. I always forwarded those memes to Lucy because I felt like they were about us.
"Are you okay?" she asked, worry flooding her features.
"I'm fine," I lied, but Lucy could tell, and as I stared into her eyes I felt compelled to tell her, "I just miss her." My sister had been dead for a while now, but the void left by her absence grew more with each passing day.
"I'm sure she would have loved to be here" Lucy squeezed my hand lightly. There was so much light coming out of her, figuratively and for me, literally.
The light was a good thing, light was safe. My sister used to say that often.
"Stay away from the shadows, Ari, nothing good hides in the dark" I never told my sister about my visions, but I had a feeling she always knew.
I wonder if the shadows are what caused my sister to take her own life.
"Stop it," Lucy said with a frown "I can tell where your mind is at, stay here, with me." Her caramel eyes always managed to read me like a book, yet there was something so safe and calm in her presence.
I smiled at her, and just as I was about to talk I heard my name being called out.
"Arella Celéste," the lady conducting the ceremony said. I handed Mist's leash to Lucy and walked over to get my diploma.
It was fast, I took the piece of paper, shook a few hands, and readied myself to go back to my seat.
I spotted two people clapping hard in the distance. A woman and a man. They were too far away to make out their faces but they were dressed in black from head to toe, wearing very expensive clothes and sunglasses. The woman wore a sun hat that camouflaged with her raven locks and looked awfully familiar. I had never seen them before, or at least I think I hadn't, but there were shadows all around them, the most shadows I'd ever seen on people.
My stomach dropped and I had to look away because even looking at that much darkness was draining. I ignored it, as I always did, if only because I did not want my sanity to be questioned once more. But I still couldn't help but wonder who they were...
I was sure they weren't my parents, they were too young and looked nothing like them. Besides, my parents were on important business trips, away from each other and away from me, just like they had been ever since my sister passed. I sat down and dismissed it, they probably didn't know me and were just being nice.
Lucy handed me Mist's leash back and she looked at me with confusion and judgment --That dog knew too much. I had that feeling ever since I got the white Samoyed. She has an old soul and a wise presence.
After Lucy went up to get her title, I turned around, looking for those two strangers again, and found no one sitting in their places. I was filled with a foreign sense of dread that had me turning around and petting Mist.
It was probably my anxiety acting up, right?
____
"At what time is your flight?" Lucy said as we met up after the ceremony.
"10 pm, my parents want me back in New York as soon as possible," My parents were very insistent on me coming back home - to an empty house - and relaxing for a year before I continued my studies at Harvard. They were worried about my mental health.
"Ugh I'm so jealous," Lucy was going to meet me in New York in a few weeks, but first she had to fly back to Panamá to meet her parents. There was some sort of complicated family situation going on, and she had to be there to solve it for some reason.
"I'll be fine, I'm excited to see everyone again" By 'everyone' I meant my only two other friends.
"Be careful, and if you feel bad at any time, do not hesitate to call me" If anyone knew how bad my panic attacks were, it was Lucy. She was the one that brought me to the hospital every time I passed out. And the one that tried to contact my allusive parents, as if they cared.
"That's why Mist is always with me," I said petting her head as she licked my hand. Mist was also the reason I could even get through my sister's death.
"And she's very capable" Lucy praised as she too petted the little beast.
With that, we both said our goodbyes and I headed back to my dorm to pack my very limited amount of possessions. It was mostly clothes and plushies.
And I took my flight.
____
As I got out of my very late flight I was exhausted, hungry, and dressed in my most comfortable sweats. All I wanted was for my parent's chauffeur, Henry, to pick me up so I could go home and cuddle with my puppy.
But instead of the quiet middle-aged white man, I was greeted by my young, attractive, and loud childhood best friend, Anika Mehta.
"Ari!" she yelled, holding out a sign that said my name that I'm sure was written with lipstick.
I smiled and ran into her arms. Anika and her older brother, Darsh, were the only friends I ever had as a child. I've always been very introverted and never good at talking to people, but for some reason, they were the exception. They never cared if I blabbed for hours about some fairytale I'd just read, or if I said the wrong thing without thinking, they only cared about me.
"I'm so glad you are back," she said with a smile "You look amazing," she said, obviously being kind as I was sure I looked as tired as I felt. She ruffled Mist's fur in a loving way as she brought her attention back to me.
"Please," I surveyed her, dressed to the nines in expensive manolos and a little black dress that made her olive eyes pop. "You look amazing, where are you going?"
"We are going out, to a new club I just managed to get us into" Before I could even start complaining she took Mist from me and started walking. I had already found my bags and all I had to do was follow her to her car.
Unlike me and Darsh, Anika stayed in New York as she went to NYU to study political sciences. Ever since we were kids, Anika had been saying she wanted to be someone in power, and I had a feeling she could rule the world if she set her mind to it.
"No, please" I begged, I just wanted to be home, I couldn't bring Mist to clubs and although I was better now, Mist always made me feel safer.
"Come on, I just graduated too," she said with a smile. She wanted to party "Just for a while, I promise you'll be back home before 1 am."
I have always been a people pleaser, so it didn't take much to say yes as she drove us to her house where we changed and left Mist sleeping comfortably in her bed.
____
"I'm not sure about this dress" While I was sure it looked beautiful on people with more confidence, the royal blue short dress I borrowed from her made me feel like I was dressing up as someone else. This didn't feel like me, not anymore.
"You look beautiful," she said as we got into the club, and just as I was about to say something to her I realized she was nowhere to be found.
"Anika?" I walked through the sea of writhing bodies and sweaty dancers until I reached the end of the dancefloor. I was nearing the VIP area, which was honestly a concept I never understood. The exclusivity was supposed to be alluring, but really the only difference was that they had a little velvet rope that allowed people entry.
I was about to turn back when I saw him. My breath caught in my throat, my stomach physically hurt because of how tight it was, and I suddenly felt like time slowed down.
Black fluffy hair, heartbreaking smile, eyes made of oceans—an alluring and dark presence filled with shadows and dark promises.
I think I stopped breathing as I beheld him for what felt like the first time but definitely wasn't. I didn't even realize I was slowly inching closer to him, I needed to touch him, to make sure I wasn't imagining it.
This club was so dark, I could be wrong.
But the closer I got the surer I was. This was him. He was the boy that watched the girl fall, the boy that loved the girl but let her go. The boy I'd been dreaming about every night ever since I was a child.
I was suddenly flooded by a foreign feeling, and a memory of a name I'd never heard before, a name I was sure I'd never said yet I uttered a thousand times.
Andras.
And there he was as real as ever. With a woman, a woman that was straddling him.
A woman that looked like me.