A week has passed since Ma'am Rhea started training me. She's been teaching me various techniques, especially on how to blend colors perfectly and improve my art skills. However, our interactions are limited, and she rarely engages in conversation, simply coming to the room where we train and leaving without a word.
Curiously, nakikita ko siyang nakatayo lang sa parking lot paglalabas na ako sa building every evenings, and she drives away once I get into my car.
Pero baka nag-aassume lang din ako since may boyfriend siya, malay ko baka si Montejo ang inaantay niya.
The national competition is just one week away, and I'm fully focused on preparing to win it. I did learn lot of things from her, yes, she's that good.
Dumating na rin ang parents ko at balik na ulit sila sa trabaho nila. Sinabi nila sakin na binili nila ang isang lupa doon sa town nila dad para sakin raw tapos nagsimula ng magpa-construct si dad ng bahay para sakin.
Well, I thanked them especially si dad since siya ang nakaisip na bilhan ako ng sariling lupa at nagpatayo pa ng bahay. They're also happy that I won in the competition, they know I always won.
Binilhan ako ng sariling lupa pero kotse hindi, galing ng Dad ko e.
It's Monday, I arrived at room 118 in the afternoon, since tapos na ang class, hoping to find her there, but she wasn't present. Binuksan ko ang room, nilagay ang mga materials ko sa baba ng upuan saka umupo doon. Since wala pa siya maghihintay muna ako saka magsimula, she'll be here later.
Dumaan ang ilang minuto at magtatakip silim na pero hindi pa rin siya dumadating, "Where are you, Miss Rhea?" I mentally said.
Wala pa talagang nagpapakita sakin kahit anino niya at wala rin siyang sinabing hindi siya pupunta ngayon.
Tiningnan ko ang blank canvas, tumingin rin ako sa may pintuan pero wala talagang pumapasok na Rhea kaya nagpasya akong mag paint nalang without her.
As I sat in the empty room, waiting for her, I couldn't help but feel both excited and anxious. This was my chance to show her that I've learned so much during our one week of practice sana but she's still not here.
May meeting ba sila? bakit hindi niya sinabi sakin? or baka she's with her boyfriend again, enjoying the night while I'm here hopelessly waiting for her to arrive.
Mabigat na naman ako dibdib ko. I sighed again, feeling empty in this empty room.
I picked up the brush and started to paint the Irises by Van Gogh on the blank canvas in front of me.
"Okay, Freyja, you can do this. Just remember what your wife taught you," I whispered to myself, trying to steady my hand. I wanted to capture every detail, every stroke, just the way she would have done it.
I want to prove also na I'm worth of her time, na hindi masayang ang effort niya for teaching me. I focused on each brushstroke, pouring all my effort into the painting. I could almost feel her presence guiding me as my hand moved across the canvas. With each stroke, I tried to channel the essence of her artistic prowess.
"Bakit gusto ko siyang ma-impress sakin?" I wondered aloud, my voice echoing in the empty room. "Maybe because I admire her so much." I added, still moving my hand with the brush.
"Mhmm.. mhmm.. mhmm," I hummed while painting. Malapit ko na matapos at kaonti nalang matatapos na.
As I continued to paint, my eyelids began to feel heavy. Nakaramdam ako ng antok kahit nagkape naman ako kaninang umaga maybe the hours of practice and anticipation had taken a toll on me.
Pinilit kong hindi makatulog pero inaantok na ako, I wanted to take a nap kanina pero hindi ko na nagawa kasi may pinapagawa rin ang ibang professor samin. Hindi ko pa natatapos ang painting ko, despite my best efforts to stay awake, sleep crept in, and before I knew it, I had dozed off on the black canvas, still clutching the brush in my hand.
Isang malamig na tapik ang naramdaman ko, it landed on my back, it was gentle and soft. It's a soft touch.
Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na.
"Hmmm..." inaantok kong sagot sa mga malalamig na tapik sa likod ko. Inaantok pa ako at ayaw ko na munang gumising.
"Jael, wake up." A cold and familiar voice spoke.
I opened my eyes pero hindi ko muna siya tiningnan.
"Who the heck is Jael?" I mentally said.
"Miss Mercedez, you're already awake so get up!" utos niya sakin, medyo malakas ang pagkakasabi niya kaya alam kong naiirita na siya.
Tumayo ako saka nag-unat sa harapan niya, pero hindi ko siya pinansin, nakatingin na naman ito sakin like she's asking what am I doing here.
Tiningnan ko ang mga materials ko para ayusin at ipasok sa bag ngunit nang tingnan ko ang mga ito ay naka-arrange na tsaka I remember may hawak akong brush kanina before ako nakatulog pero nung gumising ako wala na. And also the aircon in this room will make you feel cold pag nagtagal ka pero hindi ako nakaramdam ng lamig kanina, doon lang ako nakaramdam ng lamig nung ginising niya ako, but maybe dahil tulog lang ako kaya hindi ko na-feel.
"Why are you still here?" she questioned, with her cold voice.
"I'm waiting for you, obviously," I retorted, trying my best to ignore her piercing gaze.
"You didn't need to do that," she stated. "You knew I wasn't going to be here, so you should have gone home earlier."
"You never told me that you wouldn't be here, so I waited," I responded, my frustration evident.
"Go home, it's late," she commanded in the same cold tone.
"It's fine, just let me know next time if you have a meeting or any other plans, so I won't be stuck here waiting for you all night, ma'am." I said, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice.
She crossed her arms upon hearing those word, nakikita ko rin na guilty siya. I don't think kakadating niya pa lang dito.
Nakaramdam ako ng lamig kasi manipis lang ang suot kong t-shirt. She saw how I hugged my body with my arms.
"Here," she said, offering me her coat. "Use that."
"A-ah...eh?" utal kong sagot. Gulat ako sa pag offer niya ng coat sakin.
"You're cold," she said, with her cold voice again.
Yes I'm cold, so as your voice.
"But I don't ne-
Bago ko pa man matapos ang sasabihin ko ay tinapon niya na sa mukha ko ang coat niya.
Walang hiya ka talaga Rhea!
Nanggagalaiti man ay sinuot ko pa rin kasi malamig na talaga. Doon ko lang din napansin na siya na naman ang walang coat and I know malalamigan siya.
How come this woman gave her coat to me and now she's kinda cold.
"You know what?" I spoke as I remove her coat on my body, "you will get cold but instead of using this to yourself, you gave this to me." I continued. Natanggal na ang coat sa katawan ko.
Lumapit ako sa kanya nang dahan-dahan at lumalayo naman siya nang pakonti. Her eyes is saying something, there's still hidden behind her gazes, hindi ako nagkakamali.
Tumigil ako kakalakad papunta sa kanya, she then stopped stepping back.
"I'll go home," she said, she's looking at me, her hand behind her.
I just stared at her, blankly, but lowkey admiring her body shape like how her long sleeve fitted her, looking like a goddess as ever.
"Uwi ka na po," I answered, pagkakuway inalis na ang tingin sa kanya.
"What about you? aren't you going home?" she asked, "it's already late and you need to."
I gave her coat back handling it to her, she's two meters away from me. Lumapit siya sakin para kunin ang coat at lumapit rin ako sa kanya, not to give her the coat but to corner her.
She's startled again, but this time, she's hoping for something to happen.
As she's still stepping back I'm stepping forward, with carefulness.
Nahuli ko siya, I caught her with my arms.
"Jael..." she said as I hugged her.
Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit, not because she's cold but I want to, with my hopeless love for her. I want her presence. Kahit after nito saktan niya ako or she'll stop teaching me I don't care, I will held her in my arms once more, with gentleness and full of admiration.
"Just this once, ma'am. Let me hug you, just this time." I said, feeling her scent and her warmth.
Her warmth is new to me, it's peaceful, truly a daylight. And I will cherish this forever, that fate gave me a chance to feel this moment.
Wala akong napansin na movement and resisting galing sa kanya and I'm thankful because she lets me.
We're in an empty room, we are both standing as I embrace her.
"Ma'am?" I asked, the silence is eating us.
There's no response from her, she's just letting me embrace her.
"Mali ba itong nararamdaman ko?" I mumbled into her, my face buried in her shoulder. "No matter how much I try to ignore and forget my feelings for you, I just can't. I've tried over and over again, but I always end up failing," I confessed, wrapping my arms around her back.
She remained silent, her lack of response feeling like a sentence of freedom.
"I can't stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try," I continued, my emotions spilling out.
"Jael," she mumbled, finally.
I hummed as a response.
Pero hindi ko talaga kilala kung sino ang Jael na ʼyan.
"If I'm not around would you look for me?" she said, her voice is filled with coldness.
What's with that question?
I really can't understand her.
"I will, even if it takes a thousand times, a thousand times over." I replied, hugging her tightly.
I then felt her arms on my back, she's hugging me, she's doing the same thing I am doing.
I recieve no response in her voice but her actions speaks louder. My heart is beating like crazy.
It lasts for a seconds and I found myself staring at her beautiful face, she's like an angel.
I smiled at her.
"For you, I can be heartbroken but still inlove with you," I said as I caress her clear and beautiful face.
She didn't flinch when I held her face, she didn't move a bit, nakatingin lang siya sakin, hinahayaan ako.
My gaze then moved on her lips, their perfect curve tempting me to lean in and kiss them. The urge grew stronger, and I found myself unable to resist.
"Stop me if you don't want, " I said habang nakatingin lang siya sakin.
I looked into her eyes as I gently held her face and slowly moved in to kiss her. To my surprise, she didn't pull away or resist, instead, she let me kiss her.
Her hand is resting on my waist.
Our lips met, and I savored the taste of her soft and gentle lips. It was a moment of both excitement and trepidation, and as I kissed her, I couldn't help but study the sensation.
Her lips remained still, but her hand on my waist showed some response.
For a moment, we were lost in the kiss, and when I finally opened my eyes, I saw that hers were closed. It felt like a fleeting moment of connection, but I decided to stop, pulling away from her beautiful lips.
She opened her eyes and looked at me, and we locked gazes as our lips parted.
"I like you," I said, looking at her while caressing her face.
She looks down removing my hand from her face, "T-this is w-wrong.." She said.
"Why didn't you stopped me?" I asked.
She didn't let her eyes meet mine, this time, hindi niya ako tinitingnan. "Still, this is wrong."
"I know," I replied looking up, sighing.
I know this will hurt me a lot, Rhea. Loving you will hurt me a lot.
"Go home," she coldly said.
She then moved and stormed out of the room leaving me, leaving me in this empty room.
Hindi man lang siya tumingin sakin pagkatapos ng ʼyon, kahit isang tingin lang wala.
Did she regrets that she let me kissed her?
I didn't regret what I've done. She knows I like her so much and I won't hide that.
Sa malambot niyang labi na nag-iwan sakin ng pag-asa, pag-asang umasa ulit sa kanya. Oo, oo aasa ako.
Aasa ako, whatever it takes.
Lumabas ako ng room dala ang bag ko at iniisip kong nakauwi na siya kasi kanina lang siya lumabas at tanging mga guards nalang ang nasa buildings. Gumamit ako ng elevator para mapabilis ang pagbaba ko, nakarating ako sa ground floor nang makita ko si Ma'am Vivien sa may parking lot.
Nang papalapit na ako ay tumingin ito sakin, she's not kinda surprised instead she smiles at me, parang ang saya niya nung nakita ako.
"Ma'am Vivien? bakit andito pa po kayo?" tanong ko sa kanya. She's standing in her black Bmw, nasa labas lang siya at hindi pumapasok.
She answers, "There's something wrong with my car, it won't start."
"But it's already late ma'am." I replied.
Nakita kong hawak hawak niya ang phone niya at halatang kanina pa siya may tinatawagan.
"I already called our driver to pitch me here," she answered, smiling.
"If you want po ihahatid na kita?" I offered. Gusto ko din naman tumulong kasi hinatid niya ako nung nakaraan.
She seemed shy but she didn't hesitated to nod, "Alright then it's my pleasure."
I smiled at her, "Let's go ma'am."
She nod again indicating that she'll hop into my car.
Malapit lang ang kotse niya sa kotse ko kaya nilakad na namin, hinatid ko siya sa front seat para magmagandang loob na buksan ang door.
Nang buksan ko ang front door ay bigla namang lumitaw sa likuran namin ang dalawang tao na nagkahawak ang kamay, agad nagsalita ang lalaki nang makita si Ma'am Vivien na pasakay sa kotse ko.
"Crixel? what are you doing in your student's car?" Sir Montejo asked, holding someone's hand.
I moved my eyes on that hand, I trace the hand and it's familiar. Onti-onti kong tinitingnan pataas ang mukha ng may-ari ng kamay na ʼyon at hindi ako nagkamali.
Her hand, it's hers.
"My car won't start and Frey offered to take me home," nakangiting sagot ni Ma'am Vivien. Nasa loob na ito ng kotse ko habang ako nakatayo sa pintuan.
I look at them. I saw how the guy holds her hand and it looks like she's comfortable.
How I wished to be that guy, holding her hand comfortably.
But her eyes, when she landed her gazes on me, it pierce on me. Natusok ako sa talim ng titig niya sakin pati na rin kay Ma'am Vivien.
I really can't understand her.
A while ago she let me kissed her, now, she's with this guy as if nothing happened.
"Take care, Crixel!" Sir Montejo said, smiling at us. "And you too, Ms. Mercedez." He added pointing her gaze at me.
I smile at them, knowing that my heart broke into pieces again, seeing them again together like that.
Hindi ko naman masisisi ang lalaki because they're both inlove, ako lang naman ang papansin sa relasyon nila.
Ako lang naman ang umasa.
Lumiko na ako saka sumakay na sa driver seat, hindi ko na siya tiningnan pa, alam kong masaya siya sa piling ng leading man niya.
Pinaandar ko na ang makina at lumabas na ng school. Nakalimutan ko na sakay ko pala si Ma'am Vivien tapos todo sigh ako habang nagda-drive.
"What's wrong?" Ma'am Vivien asked, after hearing me sighing.
Tumingin ako sa kanya at napasampal nalang sa mukha ko, "Ma'am?"
"Yes?" she replied, chuckling. "You're cute when you get startled." Dagdag niya habang tumatawa.
Her voice while laughing is just, I don't know but it's really beautiful.
"Nothing," I smiled, nahiya rin ako kasi akala ko ako lang mag-isa.
"Are you hungry?" tanong sakin ni Ma'am Vivien.
Ako gutom? sinong magugutom e busog na busog ako sa sama ng loob.
"Hindi pa naman masyado, Ma'am." I replied. "Saan nga po kayo ulit?"
"Del Lleonor Street," she replied, "If you want to eat in my house you're welcome."
"Sorry ma'am, ahmmm, maybe no po muna ngayon." I replied.
"You're right but next time you should probably accept," sagot niya saka tumingin ng oras sa iphone niya.
Well ayuko to be honest kasi mapapagalitan ako ng parents and 8pm na, lagpas na sa sinabi kong oras sa kanila. Though andito naman si Ma'am Vivien to cover me up again but nakakahiya na din.
Nakarating na kami sa labas ng gate nila at sobrang namangha ako, andaming lights sa labas ng mansion hindi lang siya mansion but the elegant and classic design of the house. Parang mga bahay sa fairytale kumbaga, it's appealing and the khaki color that matches all is unbelievable.
Ang yaman pala talaga ng mga professor sa Silvestre.
Pinarada ko na ang sasakyan ko sa labas ng gate at lumabas para pumunta sa kabilang pintuan para buksan at makalabas na siya. I guided her outside with my hand, she's holding my hand as she's smiling sweetly at me.
"Thank you, Ms. Gentlewoman." She said smiling nang makababa na siya.
"You're welcome ma'am." I replied. "I gotta go na po," I added.
"Don't you want to come inside?" she offered me again.
"Hindi na po" I replied.
"I understand," she said, "Drive safe, okay?"
"I will," ngumiti ako sa kanya at papasok na sa driver seat.
Tumakbo siya, "Wait!" she shouted as she's running towards me na papasok na sana.
She suddenly holds my face and kissed me on my cheek, "Thanks for driving me home, take care!" sabi niya sabay umalis at naiwan akong natulala sa ginawa niya.
Kinabahan ako at the same time ay na confused. Bakit niya naman ginawa ʼyon?
Pero hindi ko nalang binigyan ng malisya at pumasok na para makauwi, malapit na din mag 9pm napatagal pala talaga ang tulog ko kanina.
I couldn't forget what happened earlier.
Kailan ko kaya ulit mahahagkan ang labi niyang pagmamay-ari ng iba?
Malayo pa ang byahe ko at mga isang oras kaya magagabihan ako ng uwi, gutom na gutom na rin ako at napagdesisyonan kong dumaan muna ng fastfood para kumain. Tumawag sila Mom and I told her na napatagal ang practice ko since malapit na ang competition at inatid ko pa ang professor namin.
Wala naman silang naging problema at mag-aantay lang sila basta mag-iingat ako.
Naririnig ko na ang sikmura ko at tamang-tama na may fastfood kaya tumigil ako rito tsaka pumasok sa loob.
Pumunta ako sa counter para mag order, lumapit naman sakin ang babaeng matangkad, mataas. Parang kilala ko ʼto.
Nanlaki ang mata ko nang tumingin ito sakin, nagulat kaming dalawa.
"Frey!?"
"Thalia!?"
Sabay naming sambit sa isa't isa.
"W-what are you doing here?" tanong ko sa kanya.
Galit ako sa kanya pero hindi ko naman kayang i-snob nalang siya kasi may pinagsamahan rin naman kami at totoong mali ang ginawa niya but siguro kasalanan ko din naman. I'm blaming myself for what happened.
"I'm working here," sagot nito sakin. Nakasandal ito sa counter na parang nanlalandi pa. "You look so hot as ever, Frey." She added.
"Stop that you're scaring me," sagot ko dito. Natawa ito saka tinanong kung ano ang oorderen ko.
Tinuro niya ang isang table na malapit sa counter at siya na rin ang naghatid ng order ko kasi konti lang naman ang customer.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito? ba't ka pala nagtatrabaho dito e diba bar mo ʼyong empire's angel?" tanong ko habang kumakain.
"I'm grounded," she replied, her irritated voice is evident. "My brother, Gab, didn't let me handle the bar temporarily."
Tumigil ako sa pagkain ko sa narinig ko. Magkapatid sila ni Sir Montejo? that's why palaging napupunta roon si Ma'am Rhea kasi sa kanila ang bar na ʼyon?
Kaya pala nandun siya nung pagsamantalahan sana ako ng babaeng ʼto.
But still, I'm thankful na dumating pa kung hindi baka hindi na ako virgin.
"I'm curious, anong relasyon ang meron sa kapatid mo at ni Ma'am Rhea?" tanong ko, tumigil na ako sa pagkain at nagpasyang magmarites nalang. I want to know them better.
"What? how did you know my brother?" tanong niya.
"Your brother is one of my professor, duhh." I replied rolling my eyes.
"Why are you curious about their relationship?" she asked, wearing her cheeky smile.
Ughh, this woman!
"Hindi naman kita pinipilit e kung ayaw mo edi wag," sagot ko at uminom na ng tubig.
"Sasabihin ko sayo pero may kapalit," wika nito.
"Hmm?" I hummed as a response.
"Pag tapos na akong ma-grounded go back at angels empire, I promise I won't do anything to you from now on.. I promise!" she replied, looking at me.
I sighed in defeat, "Okay, deal!"
Kinuha niya ang baso na nasa kamay ko tsaka ininom niya na parang tequila. She's looking at me, smirking.
"My brother is still courting her." Tipid nitong sagot.
Still?
Bakit babe ang tawag?
Why the heck does she let that guy hold her hand when in fact they're not in a relationship?
"Walang sila?" I uttered.
"Exactly!" sagot ni Thalia sakin.
"Pero bakit palagi silang magkasama?" tanong ko.
"Her father and my father are closed friends. All I know is my brother is still courting her." Thalia replied.
May pag-asa pa pala ako akala ko sila na but that Gab is just her suitor. Kung makahawak sa asawa ko akala mo sa kanya.
Paunahan tayo Gab.
Mahuli pangit!
Natapos kaming mag-usap ni Thalia and I agreed na babalik sa bar niya pag siya na ulit ang maghandle ng bar. Humingi rin siya ng patawad sakin dahil sa ginawa niya but she's just really a playful girl at hindi seryoso nung nanghingi ng tawad sakin.
But aside from that, nagpapasalamat ako sa sinabi ni Thalia. I still have a chance. Despite being aware of the potential risks and heartbreak that may await me, I'm determined to confront it all. My emotions for her are too intense to simply push aside or hide.
Regardless of the challenges that may arise, I won't give up on pursuing her, silently hoping that fate will unite us in the end.
I'll seize every opportunity to be close to her, to understand her better.
Whether it leads to a beautiful love story or heartbreak, I believe these emotions are worth exploring because she has captured my heart in a way that no one else ever has.