Iris:
"Iris! You're phone is ringing and it's Elias!" Oh fuck I leap out of the water heading straight for my best friend who takes off in a sprint.
"Don't you dare Bailey" I pin him with a warning glare that he takes no notice of as he presses accept call. That dipshit.
"Hey lover boy" oh my god!
"I'm going to kill you bailey!" I screech running straight at my tall friend. He uses our height difference to his advantage as he holds my phone way out of reach.
"Give it me back" I yell, jumping off the ground and swiping at my phone only to land empty handed. "You should see this actually I might record it" Bailey is in no shape or form dumb however, when it comes to common sense he isn't the brightest. While he reaches down to grab his own phone he moves mine closer to the ground just enough for me to jump up and pluck it right out of his hands. "Suck that Thompson" I stick my middle finger up, over my shoulder at him while victoriously walking away.
My celebration is cut seriously short when I realise who is on the phone and what he heard when Bailey answered it. Ugh he can sleep outside tonight after that little stunt.
"Hello?" I speak into the phone praying he's hung up. "Moore is that you?" Scrunching my face in reluctance I hesitate to speak. "Hello?"
"Yep it's me sorry about Bailey he's...an ass" I glance back at said boy who is busy building a sand castle. "It's all good and I wouldn't mind being called lover boy if it was you calling me it" slapping a hand to my forehead I will away the thoughts of me actually doing that. Focus Iris, that's never going to happen.
"You're ridiculous, anyway did you call for something?" I pace toward where the tide is lapping the sand. "Yeah erm the bike lessons" how could I completely forget?
"It slipped my mind I'm so sorry we are at the beach about to watch the sunset and-" he cuts me off as I let out a frustrated breath aimed at my own stupidity. "It's okay really I just wanted to check in since you hadn't messaged me about it" guilt is eating me up and there isn't much I can do about it but apologise.
"Of course again I'm really sorry"
"Don't worry it's fine-"
"Hey Elias you should join us, bring whoever you want" Bailey shouts down the phone that I move away from my mouth so I can mouth to him. What the fuck? He shrugs a smirk plastered onto his face that only means trouble.
"I don't want to intrude"
"Okay-" I'm cut off again.
"You aren't intruding we'll see you soon, bring snacks and a blanket!"
"As much as that sounds appealing I can't make it maybe we can watch the sunset together another time" oh how relieved I am.
"Sounds good bye newbie"
"Bye Moore" I hang up even though he hadn't completely finished speaking.
"You better run" I warn with an icy glare.
"Oh shit" Bailey legs it away and toward the ocean while I run after him, picking up a mixture of dry and wet sand on my way.
"Let's talk about this Iris. No need for violence" he attempts at diffusing the situation.
"Normally I'd agree with you considering our backgrounds but right now violence is necessary" my arm winds backwards before i throw it forward and send the sand-ball flying through the air. Not to be cocky or anything but my aim is pretty good considering it hits him right bang in the middle of his forehead. Bullseye.
"Oh you are done for, now" he wipes a slow hand down his face, brushing away some of the sand before he leaps toward me and I rush to get out of the way. Bailey chases me around the beach until I dive into the water and start splashing him. Our laughter interrupts the peaceful silence previously settled on the beach but we don't care. For once, we play and we laugh, enjoying the joy we missed out on in our childhoods.
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"Come on you can crash in my room tonight" i lead Bailey up the stairs, treading lightly in case the girls have fallen asleep. It's only 9pm but when I called them earlier they sounded like shit.
"You can take a shower and I'll wash your clothes for in the morning" he nods throwing his clothes out to me from behind the bathroom door.
Scooping his clothes up along with mine and any other washing needed to be done, I head down stairs. It's take me no time to turn the now full washing machine on and head back upstairs so I can take a shower too. The saltiness from the sea and the scratchiness of the sand is sticking to me so there's no way I can sleep like this, not comfortably anyway.
"You're shower is amazing" he praises with a towel wrapped around his waist and another he's using to dry his hair.
"I know now shift out of the way so I can use it" he smiles, shaking his head as he moves out of the doorway. I know that people have their speculations about me and Bailey, hell my friends still believed there was something going on after five years of me telling them there wasn't, but our relationship is completely and utterly platonic. He's my brother and my best friend all in one. Besides he's bisexual and usually goes for guys.
After taking a well needed shower I slip into some pyjamas and walk back to my room so I can dry my hair. "You wanna watch grown ups?" He's lying on my bed, legs stretched to the edge with one hand locked under his head and the other using my remote to flick through Netflix.
"Always" grown ups is my comfort movie along with tangled when I'm with the twins. I quickly dry my hair and lock my door before slipping under the covers beside Bailey.
"I aspire to be Adam Sandler, filthy rich and able to hire the hottest women to play his wife in films directed by himself" Bailey marvels at the tv screen as Adam is shown and I can't help but smile even though I'm craving another cigarette right now. I already had one at the beach and Bailey didn't lecture me or have a go at me unlike everyone else. He knows it won't help me.
"You'd have to pay millions for one of them to play your wife"
"Have you seen my face? They would jump at the chance to get some of this" He runs a hand down the side of his face and theatrically poses like a model to emphasise his point.
"Yes sadly I've had to stare at your ugly mug all day" he ruffles my hair, pushing my head away lightly. "You love this ugly mug since it got us free drinks mere hours ago" he arches an eyebrow, challenging eyes probing mine.
"Fine you're not that ugly"
"Thank you, god didn't sculpt me to perfection for you to insult me" I shake my head at his antics and turn my head back toward the tv.
The rest of the night goes smoothly with us both managing to fall asleep at a decent hour. And for the second time in a row I have the best sleep I've had in years-even if it doesn't last so long.
"Iris!" I mumble for them to leave me alone until I feel something whack me right in the face. Covering my face with my arms I roll over and attempt to go back to sleep.
"We've got school in ten minutes!" Someone sharply yells and as my mind lags i'm hit again until the words finally click in my mind. School. Ten minutes. Shit. Flinging myself out of bed I ignore Ava's unamused glare and head for the bathroom. I slam the door shut behind me and rush to brush my teeth and hair before throwing on some clothes I left in the bathroom.
"Come on!" All three of us rush past a sound asleep Bailey, who I'll deal with when I get back, and all but dive into my car. "Seatbelts girls" I say before pulling out of my driveway like a mad woman who never learned to drive legitimately.
"There's no point rushing if you are going to kill us before we even get to school" Ava gives me attitude from the backseat but I'm too focused on the drive to the school to respond. In nearly half the time it usually takes us to get there I pull up outside of the school.
"Have a good day! Love you" I shout through the window as both the girls rush into the building, hopefully just in time to not be classed as late. I can finally breathe again when they disappear inside. Turning the car around, I head back to my house where Bailey is still snoring in my bed.
I don't wake sleeping beauty, instead I grab my pack of cigarettes and head downstairs. Taking a seat on one of the chairs in the yard i light one in between my lips and inhale.
The conversation from yesterday plays on my mind and has done ever since we had it. He told me I 'need to feel' but the numbness is what keeps me going. When I do 'feel' it's only pain; unbearable, all consuming affliction. I'm a coward picking the easy way out which is to block everything out even the good feelings.
"Shouldn't you be in school?" A voice riddled with sleepiness emerges from the door. "Shouldn't you be in college?" I quip back without glancing at the owner of the voice. "Touché" he collapses into a chair beside me while I blow out a mouthful of smoke.
"This is the part where we have a heartfelt goodbye and cry like one of us is dying but really we are going to text each other daily and FaceTime at least once a week before we meet up again in probably a month" he shrugs like that wasn't a whole paragraph he just spat out.
"Are you not staying for some breakfast?" He shakes his head leaning forward so his elbows rest on his knees. "I've got to get back" I nod knowing I can't keep him from his real life any longer. "Okay drive safely" rising from his seat i watch Bailey edge toward me and pull me up by one of my hands.
"I love you, my crazy grumpy girl" I'm pressed into his chest, a hand holding my head against him while the other wraps around my shoulders. My arms lift to embrace him back as tightly as a dang gorilla.
"I hate you weirdo" i mutter against the soft material of his T-shirt. "I know you do" he replies back with a smile I know is there without looking.
"Promise you'll look after yourself. I don't want to have to come down here just to tell you off" a traitorous smile curves on my lips because I shouldn't be smiling, he's leaving.
"I promise and you better get your ass in college every day from now on because future doctors can't afford to be missing any lessons" i warn him back. "I won't" he promises and with one last squeeze he steps away.
"Your clothes!" I almost forgot about those that I put in the washing machine last night. I remembered before I passed out to put them out to dry so they should be fresh and ready for him now. Scarpering to the wash room I pick out what's baileys and neatly fold them into a pile that I shove into his hands after he's finished tying his shoes. "I'll text you as soon as I get home" I nod, missing him before he's managed to set foot out of the door. "see you soon grumpy"
"You better" he chuckles, walking away and down to his car. He leaves, just like my mom did and how I wish my father would.
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I return to school a few hours later for my class just before lunch. I didn't want to go, actually I'd rather of burnt my eyelashes off than sit in class but I still went. I felt obligated in a way, besides the twins needed to be taken home so I would end up at this misery filled place no matter what.
"You little hoe where have you been all morning?!" Mal screams down the hallway, successfully gaining the entire student body's attention. She doesn't pay any mind to our onlookers as she runs full speed toward me in her pretty pink skirt and tight white top that she should probably be dress coded for. Once she's close enough she throws her long arms around me so tightly I can barely breathe.
"Nice to see you too" i wheeze out.
"Come on let's go to lunch, everyone is already at our table" i allow her to yank me along behind her all the way to the cafeteria. "Iris!" Kim beams at me. "Hi Kim" I sit down besides my cheery friend. "Did you sleep in?" I hum stealing a piece of her chocolate. "Hey that's the second person to do that already" she pouts, moving her chocolate closer to her chest and glaring her puppy dog eyes at Malcolm.
"Oh come on Kim I already apologised a million times" I observe Malcolm and the way his forehead wrinkles with a single frown as he stares at the small girl beside him. "You apologised and then stole another chocolate" she deadpans.
"You know I love that type of chocolate! How can you blame me?" They bicker for a minute or so before her resolve completely crumbles and she pushes the bag of chocolate in between them both.
"I'll be back in a bit" no one notices as I slip away from the group and head outside. Luis and I haven't spoken a word despite having being sat beside each other every lunch time for a whole week. We simply shared turns picking a song to listen to through my AirPods. I'm not sure today will be any different either but I want to try at least.
"Hey kid" I greet the boy who shows no visible reaction to my words except for the slightest crease in his brow. "I brought you this" sliding a chocolate bar across the space between us I wait for a response, any response and I smile when I get one after a minutes worth of silence. "I'm not a kid" he's so quiet it's almost a whisper that I nearly miss but I don't. And my loud gasp is evident to that.
"Oh. My. God. He speaks! Someone call the news because I've just witnessed a miracle!" I laugh, hands pressed against my cheeks as my jaw hits the floor. Am I embarrassing myself? Absolutely. Do I care? Nope. Because the quiet chuckle he releases into the atmosphere is enough to destroy any embarrassment I feel.
"You are not funny" he tells me but the smile playing on his lips is contradictory.
"The worst way to start a friendship is on lies" i chide him. "Who said we would be friends?"
"I did" my confidence seems to shock him but he's quick to mask any visible emotions.
"Wanna pick a song?" He takes my phone while I grab my AirPods.
Half way through listening to one of his songs I notice, from the corner of my eye, him pocket my candy bar. Maybe he's saving it for later. I don't comment on it but rather let the music do all the talking until the bell announcing lunch is over, rings. I put away my earphones while he climbs to his feet. "My names Iris by the way" I speak louder than normal as he's already heading inside. "I'm Luis" he mumbles before he moves inside completely. I smile to myself as I climb to my feet and dust myself off. He told me his name. That is definitely progress.
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Jake walks with me to class in silence, that's the norm for him and I find it pleasant. There's no forced conversations but still no awkward silences, it's just..comfortable. Eventually, we separate to go into our classrooms.
"Class! today we will be assigned projects that you will work on for the next few weeks. Please pair up with your desk partner" the teacher claps her hand together, signalling us to follow her given instructions. I purposefully chose to sit on my own for this exact reason, I'd rather do projects on my own than with someone I don't like. Which is what would happen considering there a zero people in here that I tolerate.
"Iris! Come here please" so much for my plan of hiding in the corner and listening to music. Dragging my feet across the laminated floors I only stop once the tips of my converse hit the wooden desk.
"You have no partner" she states, looking up at me through her grey eyelashes.
"I'm more than happy to do the project by myself miss" I hold my fingers crossed behind my back, hoping that will steer my teacher on the path of letting me just do it by myself, "this is a group project so you can not do it solo. Since everyone else in the class is paired up you will have to work with someone from the only other class doing the same project." I already hate this.
"Who will that be?" She cocks her head to the side, motioning toward the door. I angle my head in the same direction and almost cry out loud. Why her? It could be anyone, anyone but her.
"Lucy please step inside so Iris can lead you to where you will both be working" she stresses the word so we understand it's plural but I'm already plotting my escape out of this. It's just my luck to be paired with my ex best friend.
I don't hate her or anything of the sort but she was apart of the worst time in my life. All of the bad memories come flooding back, the very memories I've tried so hard to hide and to bury for the past three years. "Girls go sit down please" miss' voice startles me out of my panic and I turn hurriedly to move toward my desk that I'll now be sharing with Lucy. God is really testing me right now.
Throughout the whole hour I refuse to look into her eyes, the same green eyes he has. The boy who took something from me that I can never get back. "We will have to talk eventually you know" her words fill the air between us, suffocating me with the reality that I can't escape this.
"You pick what you want to do and I'll do the rest" my sharp tone is uncalled for but I'm trying to keep my last shred of sanity so remaining polite isn't worrying me too much at the minute.
"Okay" she sighs heavily, beginning to write down her half of the project while I anxiously tap my foot, willing the clock to move faster. 5 minutes left turns to two and then to five seconds. I count it in my head, 5..4..3..2..1 and I was gone rushing out of the door before most had managed to even stand up. Unlucky for me Lucy was not one of those people, her hand clamps down on my arm before I can truly escape this hellish nightmare.
"Iris" she calls but I don't turn, I can't turn. My feet are frozen to the spot, heart racing to the point I think it might over work itself and shut down completely. "I'm clean now just like you. Can't we talk like we used to?" Used to. Does she not realise I'm running from everything she reminds me of. I can't talk I can't even breath when she's around. "Please" her plead sounds so desperate that my instincts take over and I look back. Big mistake. My dull brown eyes clash with her green ones, setting off a series of flashbacks that have me choking on air.
He's back. Hovering over me. He won't listen. He won't listen! I shake my head furiously trying to rid my mind of the pictures burned into my memory. I need to get him out. I need to get him out of my head! I repeat the same thing like some twisted mantra while cowering away from her and those eyes. But she's not him, I tell myself. It's not him it's Lucy. Lucy my old friend, the one that would have dance parties in her room and gossip about her newest crush every chance she got. She's not him.
My own reassurance isn't enough, I need to get away from her, away from them memory of him. Not sparing another minute with those green eyes staring at me I rush past her and keep moving down the hallway as I take turn after turn until I stumble into a room. My back falls against the door as I slowly slide down to the floor. It's hard to catch a breath as panic steals my senses. I. Can't. Breathe. Gasping for the vital gas to keep me alive I manage to block out everything around me completely, causing my lack of awareness about the four boys slowly surrounding me.
"Iris" for a second I think it's him calling me but my common sense quickly erases that thought as I recount how he moved away after finishing college, years ago. "Moore" through the pain, through the panic, through everything going on in my head, I recognise his voice. Like a lighthouse when I'm lost in the choppy waters, he brings me back home.
"Elias" I choke out, eyes finally landing on the soft brown eyes unrelentingly staring back at me. He has fallen to his knees before me, face wrinkled with worry and his hair an untamed mess. My gaze drifts to the rest of him and I notice he is half dressed...in his football uniform. Oh shit. I'm in the boys locker room.
"Iris.." I don't let him finish whatever he was about to say as i scramble to my feet. I need to get out of here, asap.
"Iris don't run" I'm stopped from opening the door as I feel his body mould around my back.
"You need to relax for a minute" I shake my head letting it fall against the wooden slab as he runs a hand up and down my side. My breathing is still erratic and my body is shaking with each gasp I make. "I'm fine" my voice is scratchy and painful to listen to.
"I know you are, you're strong Iris but even the greatest soldiers need help. Let me help you" a soldier. He believes I'm a soldier and though I have fought many battles I've won none of them so I guess the title fallen soldier is more appropriate.
Lost in my thoughts I don't respond to him but he only takes my silence as an opportunity to pull me into his arms. "Get out." He orders the boys who I forgot existed in this moment.
"We will tell coach you're..busy" Aidan glances at me once more before leaving through the door Elias is currently moving me away from.
"Call me" Malcolm whispers.
"Text. After." Jake grumbles, worry and uncomfortableness set in his features. I nod numbly at them both.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I'm still wrapped in his embrace, my back to his front.
"No" the only person I've sought advice from is Bailey but not on this subject. Nobody knows what happened that dreadful night and I'll keep it that way for as long as I live.
"Okay" I'm spun around as he takes a seat on one of the many benches. "Come here" a command I'm struggling to follow. He wants to comfort me but no one comforts me, I'm always the one wiping away peoples tears and assuring them that they can let it all out and I'll still be here when they are done. I'm the one with tissues and plasters always tucked in my bag just in case someone falls down and needs picking back up.
I don't know how to let someone do the same for me, I don't know how to show that I've fallen because I get back up before anyone can notice I went down in the first place. Now I have a boy pulling me between his wide legs and offering to be the one with the tissues instead of the one needing the tissues.