This story started with pain. The pain of being left alone to fend for myself and my child at 19 years old. The pain of having too much on my plate and seemingly no one to help me take some off of it. The pain of feeling worthless, unlovable, undesirable. This story started with pain and it ended with pain. The pain of seeing your 3.9 pound daughter in the NICU and not being able to hold her as much as you would like. The pain of the c-section scar, feeling like it's going to get ripped open everytime you sneeze. The pain of seeing the everlasting feeling of guilt in your boyfriend's eyes everytime he looks at you.
"She's strong, just like you," Morgan said, kissing my hand softly. "They said they expect her to make a full recovery. According to Dr. Engler, we should be able to take her home in a couple of weeks," he whispered. I smiled faintly, still under a lot of drugs, trying to make sense of everything that had happened.. "I'll go get you some water."
"Stay," I whispered, not letting go of his hand. He sat back down and looked at me. "Stay with me, please," I mumbled.
"I'm so sorry, baby. I never should have-"
"I know," I said. "You're fine. Let's forget about that. We have enough on our plates as is."
"I love you so much," he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"I love you too," I mouthed weakly.
A nurse walked in and gave us a big warm smile.
"Congratulations," she said softly. "How are you doing, mom? How's the pain?"
"Bearable," I answered.
"You did a good job! Now you get to rest. If you need more pain meds, if you're hungry or you need help to go to the bathroom you just ring the bell, okay? Don't be shy, now," she insisted. I nodded. "How about you, dad. How are we feeling?" She asked Morgan.
"I'm alright, it's not like I did most of the work," he joked. She laughed.
"Would you like to hold the baby? Skin to skin contact is very important for newborns, especially preemies," she smiled.
"Could I?" He asked.
"Sure!" She answered cheerfully. "Just take off your shirt so she can feel your skin on hers," she instructed him. He looked at me as if he was trying to get my approbation. I nodded and gave him a faint smile. He took off his shirt and the nurse took the baby out of the incubator and put her into his arms. He snuggled her up against his chest and she cooed softly. I felt tears well up in my eyes.
"Hi babygirl," he said, softly stroking her forehead with his thumb. "She's so beautiful," he said, looking at me. I felt a tear roll down my cheeks.
"Sailor Lesli Wallen," he whispered. "I will love you until the day I die."
Seeing him holding our daughter like that made everything that we had gone through worth it. I realized, in that moment, that not all pain was bad pain. Sometimes, feeling your heart sink into your stomach simply meant that you cared. Love is joy, and laughter. But, it is also tears and pain. And if you do it right, if you put all your efforts into loving the right person; the person who you want to come home to at the end of the day. If you do that, then the good will outweigh the bad and the pain will feel like nothing more than a stepping stone into the life you deserve. So yes, this story started with pain, and it ended with pain. But the journey? The journey was everything but pain. And looking at Morgan holding our tiny little girl made everything that I had endured to get there worth it.
"I can't wait to marry you," I whispered.
"I can't wait either, Mrs. Wallen."
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Thank you, you absolute darlings, for allowing me to take you on this crazy ride with me! I had so much fun writing this and I hope you guys had as much fun reading it. Not gonna lie, I feel EMPTY right now. I love these characters so much.... I'm probably gonna write a sequel at some point. If you guys are interested in reading that please give me a follow so you get notified when I start writing it.
Thanks for all the votes and comments and just overall love <3
XO
LadyBug