Ataxophobia: Fear of Disorder
Aurelia was trying really hard not to laugh.
It wasn't working.
After her shift had ended the night before, she had spent the rest of her night in her room staring at the blank wall, before getting up the next morning to find out that Percy and Annabeth were "missing" (note the sarcasm on the word missing).
Because now Aurelia leaned on the door frame of the stable entrance, extremely amused as she watched Frank freak out next to her, for they had found the missing daughter of Athena and son of Poseidon, lying asleep on the bay door floor.
"Wakey, wakey," she sang, her chest shaking in silent laughter as Frank continued to freak out.
Finding the two of them was easy. Even when people were asleep, their emotions still ran and she could sense their auras just from walking around the ship.
"Oh, you are in so much trouble," Frank said, pacing slightly in fear.
Aurelia has seen Frank surrounded by cannibal ogres, facing an unkillable giant, and even unleashing Thanatos, the god of death. But she'd never seen Frank as terrified as he was now, finding the couple passed out in the stables.
"What ...?" Percy rubbed his eyes, taking in the two. "Oh, we just fell asleep."
Aurelia could see he was telling the truth but she just nodded her head like he was lying. "Sure, Percy. You guys just 'fell asleep.'"
"Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," Frank said, taking this much more seriously than she was. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out—oh, gods, you've been in here all night?" Aurelia was still shaking with laughter.
"Frank!" Annabeth was incredibly embarrassed. Her ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy added.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping!"
"We'd better ..." Frank pointed to the stable doors. "Uh, we're supposed to meet for breakfast. Would you explain what you did—I mean didn't do? I mean ... I really don't want that faun—I mean satyr—to kill me."
Frank ran. Not before a shadow appeared on Aurelia's skin for his fear.
Aurelia's tongue poked the inside of her cheek as she tried really hard to not smile as she continued shaking with laughter at her friend's disheveled state and Annabeth's embarrassed emotions.
"This has made my day," she murmured before turning to go back upstairs as well.
"We found them," she announced, sliding into her seat between Hazel and Leo. Frank was in there as well, shaking his head at the table.
"Oh, thank the gods," Hazel sighed. "Are they coming up?"
Aurelia covered her mouth, her body shaking from laughter. Everyone stared at her in shock, which made her want to laugh even more. She cleared her throat. "They were ... um." She coughed. "They were in the stables, and I do not think they will be up ... for a while." She buried her face in her hands to hide her smile.
"Holy Hephaestus," Leo gasped. "Are you laughing? And smiling? Woah! I didn't even know you were capable of that."
His incredulousness made her laugh louder. She didn't hide this time. It was loud and joyous, like a pealing of bells. And it was infectious. Jason watched Aurelia with a strange expression—it was a mixture of wistfulness and longing. But he still managed a smile too. Everyone was laughing a little when Percy and Annabeth finally came up.
Relief went through Jason and Piper. Leo was still chuckling, muttering, "Classic, classic," under his breath. Frank refused to meet their eyes, and Hazel kept fanning herself like she thought she would combust. And Aurelia continued to smile as Coach Hedge decided to yell at the two of them.
"Never in my life!" Coach bellowed, waving his bat and knocking over a plate of apples. "Against the rules! Irresponsible!"
"Coach," Annabeth said, "it was an accident. We were talking and we fell asleep."
"Besides," Percy said, "you're starting to sound like Terminus."
Aurelia, who had finally managed to stop laughing, covered her mouth to hide her snort, which just made Leo look at her with wild eyes and start laughing as well.
Coach narrowed his eyes. "Is that an insult, Jackson? Cause I'll—I'll terminus you, buddy!"
Percy was trying not to laugh. "It won't happen again, Coach. I promise. Now, don't we have other things to discuss?"
Hedge fumed. "Fine! But I'm watching you, Jackson. And you, Annabeth Chase, I thought you have more sense—"
Jason cleared his throat. "So grab some food, everybody. Let's get started."
Aurelia was calm now. She didn't understand why she had laughed so much. Sure it was a little funny, but not that funny. Maybe the lack of sleep was starting to make her crack.
Well, sugar always helps, she thought as she helped herself to a cinnamon sugar donut.
Percy started the meeting with his dreams: the twin giants planning a reception for them in an underground parking lot with rocket launchers; Nico di Angelo trapped in a bronze jar, slowly dying from asphyxiation with pomegranate seeds at his feet.
Hazel choked back a sob. "Nico ... Oh, gods. The seeds." She took Aurelia's hand for support.
"You know what they are?" Annabeth asked.
Hazel nodded. "He showed them to me once. They're from our stepmother's garden. The foods are a last resort food." Aurelia could tell she was nervous, because all the silverware on the table was starting to move towards her. "Only children of Hades can eat them. Nico always kept some in case he got stuck somewhere. But if he's really imprisoned—"
Aurelia squeezed Hazel's hands, using her powers to calm her down.
"The giants are trying to lure us," Annabeth said. "They're assuming we'll try to rescue him."
"Well they're right!" Hazel looked around the table, her confidence crumbling. "Won't we?"
"Yes!" Coach Hedge yelled with a mouthful of napkins. "It'll involve fighting, right?"
"Hazel, of course we'll help him," Frank said. "But how long do we have before ... uh, I mean, how long can Nico hold out?"
"One seed a day." Hazel was miserable. "That's if he puts himself in a death trance."
"A death trance?" Annabeth scowled. "That doesn't sound fun."
"It keeps him from consuming all his air," Hazel said. "Like hibernation, or a coma. One seed can sustain him one day, barely."
"And he has five seeds left," Percy said. "That's five days, including today. The giants must have planned it that way, so we'd have to arrive by July first. Assuming Nico is hidden somewhere in Rome—"
"That's not much time," Piper summed up. She put her hand on Hazel's shoulder. "We'll find him. At least we know what the lines of the prophecy mean now. 'Twins stuff out the angel's breath, who holds the key to endless death.' Your brother's last name: di Angelo. Angelo is Italian for 'angel.'"
"Oh gods," Hazel muttered. "Nico ..."
Aurelia continued slowly influencing Hazel with her powers, trying to get her to relax. Aurelia liked Nico di Angelo—she had found solace in his company the few times they'd interacted. He didn't deserve to die, and she hated seeing Hazel in pain.
"We will rescue him," Aurelia promised the daughter of Pluto. "We have to. The prophecy says he holds the key to endless death."
"That's right," Piper agreed, encouragingly. "Hazel, your brother went searching for the Doors of Death in the Underworld, right? He must've found them."
"He can tell us where the doors are," Percy said, "and how to close them."
"Uh ..." Leo shifted in her chair. He was doubting their words. "One thing. The giants are expecting us to do this right? So we're walking into a trap?"
Hazel looked at Leo like he'd made a rude gesture. "We have no choice!"
"Don't get me wrong, Hazel. It's just your brother, Nico ... he knew about both camps, right?"
"Well, yes," Hazel said.
"He's been going back and forth," Leo figured, "and he didn't tell either side."
Jason sat forward, his expression grim. "You're wondering if we can trust the guy. So am I."
Hazel shot to her feet. "I don't believe this. He's my brother. He brought me back to the Underworld, and you don't want to help him?"
"No one is saying that." Aurelia held onto Hazel's hand.
Frank glared at Leo. "And nobody better be saying that."
Leo blinked. "Look, guys. All I mean is—"
"Hazel," Jason said. "Leo is raising a fair point. I remember Nico from Camp Jupiter. Now I find out he also visited Camp Half-Blood. That does strike me as ... well, a little shady. Do we really know where his loyalties lie? We just have to be careful."
If Aurelia was next to him, she would have slapped Jason.
Hazel's arms shook. Both Aurelia and Piper let go of her as a silver platter zoomed toward them, hitting the wall behind Aurelia, splattering scrambled eggs. "You ... the great Jason Grace ... the praetor I looked up to. You were supposed to be so fair, such a good leader. And you ..." Hazel stomped her foot. "You aren't even worth the three months I helped Ari look for you." She stormed out of the mess hall.
"Hazel!" Leo called after her. "Ah, jeez. I should—"
"You've done enough," Frank growled. He got up to follow her, but Piper gestured for him to wait. Aurelia would have done it, but she had gone completely still in shock.
"Give her time," Piper advised. Then she frowned at Leo and Jason. "You guys, that was pretty cold."
Jason was shocked. "Cold? I'm just being cautious!"
"Her brother is dying," Piper said.
"I'll go talk to her," Frank insisted.
"No." Aurelia managed to speak. "Piper is right. Let her cool down first. I will go check on her in a few minutes."
"But ..." Frank huffed like an irritated bear.
"You trust me, right, Frank?" Aurelia asked. He nodded. "Okay, then. Just wait."
From up above a whirring sound like a large drill.
"That's Festus," Leo said. "I've got him on autopilot, but we must be nearing Atlanta. I'll have to get up there ... uh, assuming we know where to land."
Everyone turned to Percy.
Jason raised an eyebrow. "You're Captain Salt Water. Any ideas for the expert?"
The resentment Jason felt towards Percy made Aurelia's blood boil. Her nails dug into her palm, close to breaking skin. She hasn't spoken one on one with Jason in a while, but she swore on her father's name, she was going to give him a piece of her mind.
"I'm not sure," he admitted. "Somewhere central, high up so we can get a good view of the city. Maybe a park with some woods. We don't want to land the warship in the middle of downtown. I doubt even the Mist could cover up something that huge."
Leo nodded. "On it." He raced for the stairs.
Percy met Aurelia's gaze. She nodded at Frank, who was sitting uneasily in his chair. The two of them had watched Frank and Hazel grow close on their trip to Alaska. They knew how protective he was over her. It may be a good idea to get him out of the ship—and away from Leo.
"When we land, I'll scout around in Atlanta," Percy said. "Frank, I could use your help."
"You mean turn into a dragon again? Honestly, Percy, I don't want to spend the whole quest being everyone's flying taxi."
"No," Percy said. "I want you with me because you've got the blood of Poseidon. Maybe you can help me figure out where to find the salt water. Besides, you're good in a fight."
That made Frank feel better. "Sure. I guess."
"Great," Percy said. "We should take one more. Annabeth—"
"Oh, no!" Hedge barked. "Young lady, you are grounded."
Annabeth was baffled. And insulted. "Excuse me?"
"You and Jackson are not going anywhere together!" Hedge insisted. He glared at Percy, daring him to mouth off. "I'll go with Frank and Mr. Sneaky Jackson. The rest of you guard the ship and make sure Annabeth doesn't break any more rules."
It was funny. But Aurelia couldn't bring herself to smile, let alone laugh. She was too angry.
"This is going to be so much fun," Percy bit out.
Yeah, it is, Aurelia agreed, looking at Jason.
[ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]
Aurelia leaned on the wall outside of Hazel's cabin. She could sense Hazel's fuming, and could hear her sobs through the door. She was waiting a few more minutes for Hazel to calm down a little more before she went in.
But that was more for her than it was for Hazel. Because Aurelia knew if she went in now, she would do more harm than good to Hazel's mood.
Jason paused outside of his cabin. It was down the hall from Hazel's and he could see Aurelia standing outside. He was trying to estimate his chance of being able to sneak out unnoticed, but she saw him. Or sensed him, he had no idea.
She moved away from Hazel's door and walked toward him. Although it was subtle, he could see the anger in her eyes, and he knew a fight was coming—which was the last thing he wanted.
"Jason, for these next few minutes can we forget all the drama about your confused feelings, and your indecisiveness about whether you want to be with me or Piper?"
Jason blinked. He wasn't sure if he liked where this was going. "Yes ...?"
"Ok, good," Aurelia murmured. "Because we were good friends before everything happened, right? We should still be able to be friends, right?"
Yeah, he really didn't like this. "Yes ...?"
"Lovely," Aurelia said. "So keep that in mind as I continue. I am yelling at you as your friend." She punched his arm.
"OW!" He stared at her shock. "What was that for!"
"That was for being an absolute idiot," Aurelia hissed. "In what world would you ever suggest not recusing someone's brother in front of them?"
"I am trying to be cautious," Jason defended himself. "We don't know if we can trust the guy. You don't even find it a little weird that he knew about both camps and didn't tell anyone?"
Aurelia lifted her hands like she was going to strangle him. "¡Eres imposible! ¿Eres realmente así de denso? I know you have gotten a lot of head injuries lately, but ¡dios mio! Let us think about this logically for a minute, okay? Nico di Angelo, a Greek demigod, finds out about his sister, who is a Roman demigod, and belongs at a Roman camp. Does he tell the Roman camp about his Greek camp? No! Because there are people in the Roman camp who would burn that camp just because they are Greeks! So did he go back to his Greek camp to tell them about the Roman camp? No! Because there are probably people at your Greek camp who would do the same to Camp Jupiter! He was trying not to start World War Three! Which obviously did not work, considering we are at war with the Romans anyways!"
Jason was slowly paling as guilt rolled into him, and it wasn't even an effect of Aurelia's powers.
"Does this make sense to you?" Aurelia asked slowly, like she was talking to a five year old. "Stupid, idiot, never thinks anything through. Idiot, idiot, idiot!" She hit again with each word and he let her. "Stupid hypocritical idiot!"
"Hypocritical?" he repeated. "What in Hades are you talking about?"
"I hate that you just said Hades," Aurelia said through gritted teeth. "And, yeah, you are hypocritical. Nico's reasoning aligns with the reasoning of someone else I know. Hiding stuff to avoid causing a bigger rift."
Jason shook his head. "I was just starting to follow along, but I'm getting lost again."
"The legends and the Mark of Athena. You did not want me telling Percy when he asked. Why?"
Jason sighed, leaning against the wall across from Aurelia. "You know why."
"Yeah, I do," she agreed, leaning on the wall, tiredly. Her anger was drained and now she was just exhausted. "Do you really think that whatever was stolen is enough to cause that big of a rift? You really think that Annabeth, or any of your Greeks friends, will suddenly hate us more because of it?"
"I don't know," Jason muttered. "But I'm scared Annabeth will."
"I could tell." Aurelia ran her hand over her necklace. She sighed. "I am sorry for hitting you."
The smirk on Jason's lips was very familiar. "No you're not."
"No, I am not," she agreed. A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she looked at Jason. She has lost count of how many times she has yelled at him for being an idiot. And how many times she threatened him with physical violence.
"Since we're talking right now, as friends of course," Jason added, "what was Piper saying yesterday before she got rid of the eidolons? About your powers ...?"
Aurelia licked her lips. The movement brought Jason's gaze down for a quick second. "Apparently, Gaea said some things after I passed out. She has plans for me, or something like that. Piper just suggested I try to find what it was in the mind of eidolons before she got rid of them."
"And did you?" Jason asked.
Aurelia's face darkened. "Not exactly. Just ... there are just people from my past waiting for me."
That made Jason concerned. He only knew snippets about Aurelia's past, but what he did know was enough to send him in protective mode. "Don't try to shoulder it all on your own. We're here to help you. I'm here to help you." They stared at each other. "As your friend, of course."
Aurelia blinked, looking down a little. "I really missed you Jason." Tears were forming in her eyes as she hated herself for almost crying (this whole lack of sleep was really getting to her). "You were gone for eight months. I just—" Her voice broke. "Everyone kept saying you were dead. And I felt so unbelievably alone."
If someone were to ask Jason how many times he has seen Aurelia cry, he wouldn't be able to give an answer. He had never seen Aurelia cry before; not even when Aurelia talked about her mom did she cry. But here she was crying.
And Jason felt like it was all his fault.
"Hey, it's okay," he murmured. He didn't go to hug her, knowing she didn't want his pity. "I'm not going to leave again."
But a part of you has, Aurelia thought. The Jason who disappeared was not the same Jason that stood before her.
Aurelia took a deep breath. And just as quickly as the tears came, they disappeared. "I hope not."
Jason pursed his lips. He knew better than to talk about Aurelia crying, so instead he tried to lighten the mood. "C'mon, I missed you too. We haven't had a real conversation in eight months. What did I miss at camp?"
Me almost killing myself. "Not much," Aurelia shrugged.
"You made friends," Jason noted, slightly teasingly.
The corner of Aurelia's lips twitched upward. "Yeah, I guess I did." It was strange because eight months ago Aurelia had three friends: Jason, Reyna and Hylla. "Hazel is amazing. Frank is such a sweetheart. Percy ..." Aurelia's eyes were slightly unfocused, and the ghost smile graced her lips, "well, he is just something else."
After last night, Jason didn't know what to make of that. That jealousy that he felt last night had returned as he thought about Aurelia having feelings for Percy Jackson.
"Why are you jealous?" Aurelia wondered.
"I'm not jealous," Jason muttered.
Aurelia raised an eyebrow. "Do not insult me by lying. Your emotions changed when I mentioned Percy."
If Jason really thought about it, it was more than just the smile he saw Aurelia give Percy. When Jason really thought about Percy Jackson, he thought about the entire six months he spent at Camp Half-Blood watching people come and go in search of the son of Poseidon. During the entire time Percy had been gone, no one gave up on him. From the sounds of it, everyone had given up on finding Jason.
"The two of you are just close," Jason finally murmured, not wanting to admit that last resentment. "He's your new best friend."
Aurelia could tell he wasn't telling her everything but she didn't push it.
"Besides, it's like you getting jealous about Piper," Jason continued.
Aurelia raised a brow. "Do not even try to compare that. I am not jealous of Piper. I actually like Piper, which is more than you can say about Percy."
Jason scoffed. "I like Percy."
"Liar."
The two sat in a tense silence.
Finally, Aurelia sighed. "What are we doing? I do not want to fight."
That almost made Jason laugh. "Didn't you come up to me to fight in the first place?"
"Well, I do not want to fight anymore."
"Neither do I," Jason admitted. "So let's just not talk about Percy."
"Or Piper," Aurelia added.
"Or Piper," he agreed. "So what do you want to talk about?"
"When you were gone," Aurelia said slowly, "I spent the first months searching for you."
"Why'd you stop?" Jason wondered. He really needed to know the answer to that.
"Reyna made me stop," Aurelia admitted. "People were getting mad that I was forsaking my truthsayer jobs. I would have kept looking if Reyna had let me. But that is not why I mentioned it. I meant afterward, everyone kept saying you were dead, and I started to believe them. Until you spoke to me in my dreams, and I thought I was losing my mind. How—how did you do that?"
"Hypnos cabin at Camp Half-Blood," he explained. "They sent me into your dreamscape, and I tried to contact you. Something was stifling the connection at first—we think it was Juno or Gaea, but we're not sure. I just wanted ... I just wanted to speak to you. To see you. To make sure you were okay."
"I was definitely not okay."
"And it doesn't seem like you are now," Jason murmured. Aurelia wasn't keeping her expression guarded. She hadn't been guarded all day so far—from laughing earlier to almost crying now. And now that he was standing close to her, the bags under her eyes screamed at him. "When was the last time you slept?"
Aurelia wouldn't meet his gaze. "Since I saw you in my dream. And you chased me."
She explained her panic room, the warning she had gotten from Juno before going to find him, and the way she exploded afterwards. "It was the first time that side-effects that only happened in my dream, transferred to me when I woke up. And if I go to sleep again, there is a chance I bleed out again."
"Like at Camp Jupiter?" he asked.
"Mhm."
"Like when your mom died?"
Aurelia did tell him about that. About the way her mom's death had physically and emotionally affected her. "Do not worry about me. I will figure it out. I always do."
Jason knew that. And he loved her for it.
Aurelia pushed her hair out of her face and Jason smiled a little. "You wear the earrings?"
She glanced up at him—just for a quick second. "They were a gift. And too pretty to just leave lying around."
"We never got our date," Jason muttered, remembering the conversation they had when she told him about the earrings. "And I missed your birthday."
She smirked a little. "You can make it up to me."
Blood rushed to Jason's cheeks. He glanced at Aurelia's lips again. "Um ..." He scratched his ear. "You've got, um ... there's cinnamon sugar on your lips."
Aurelia frowned a little. She rubbed her thumb on her mouth. "Did I get it?"
"No," Jason murmured, even though she had. He took a step closer to her. "May I?"
She nodded, tilting her head up for him. His thumb ran along the bottom of her bottom lip, a lot slower than necessary. She could feel the heat radiating off his body. She could smell his rainy scent.
Jason's nose filled with the mixture of honey and rosemary—this time mixed a little with the smell of cinnamon sugar. The words, I love you, were on the tip of his tongue. Despite how jealous he had been when he saw her last night dancing with Percy Jackson. Despite how much he wished she would say it before he did. Despite how much he truly believed Aurelia didn't care for him the same way he did her. He was so close.
Aurelia could feel his emotions. She waited for him to make the move. She waited for that reassurance that Jason wanted her—needed her—more than Piper.
But then Jason's emotions snapped back slightly as Aurelia leaned away from his hand, glancing down the hall as if someone had yelled her name.
"Hazel is getting angry," she murmured, reading Hazel's emotions from door the hall. "I need to go ... um, I need to go to her."
"Y-yeah," Jason nodded, flexing his hand (the one that had brushed against Aurelia's face mere seconds ago) before shoving it in his pocket. His hand felt like it had been lit on fire, while his heart resembled a plume of smoke. "Yeah, of course."
She studied Jason. His eyes were slightly unfocused. She couldn't properly understand what his emotions meant, but it wasn't her biggest concern right now.
"Thank you for talking to me Jason," she murmured. She wanted to say something more (anything more) but she just turned and went into Hazel's dorm.
Jason stood in the hallway, his eyes closed. The confirmation just seemed to keep increasing for him: Aurelia didn't love him the way he loved her—she saw him as just a friend.
And he may have accepted that, just because he just wanted a part in her life. But he was too jealous of how close she was to Percy to be thinking clearly.
Aurelia had sensed it before she left, but she hadn't understood. Each encounter the two had just seemed to break Jason's self-worth down even more. He wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to wait for her to be ready. Because all he wanted was her love—or just romantic love in general. And although he hated himself for thinking it, if Aurelia couldn't give it to him, he may search for it in Piper.
And he really fucking hated himself for feeling that way and for using Piper like that. She was his friend, and deserved so much better.
If anything, both of them did. They deserved so much better than him.
Maybe Aurelia already knew that and that's why she couldn't say she loved him.
"Hey, Jason," Annabeth said as she strolled past to go into Hazel's room as well.
Annabeth stepped into Hazel's cabin. Aurelia was sitting on Hazel's bed, running her hands through Hazel's hair and braiding it neatly. Dried tears were stained on Hazel's cheeks, but she seemed to have calmed down in just a few minutes.
"Hey," Annabeth murmured, sitting down on the floor next to Hazel. "How are you doing?"
"Better," Hazel managed, wiping her nose with her sleeve.
"You know what would make you feel better?" Annabeth asked. "Stories!"
Aurelia raised a brow. "You know what would make me feel better? Braiding your hair! It bothers me how messy it is." It seemed that everything in their lives was messy. Disorder was the only consistent thing these past few days.
Annabeth looked insulted, touching her blonde locks and Hazel gave a small laugh.
"Fine," she said. "Do you have any good stories to tell, Aurelia?"
"Nope." Aurelia's fingers weaved Hazel's hair prettily, a long fishtail braid forming. "All my stories are about depressing pirates and torture. Kind of a mood killer."
"No kidding," Hazel murmured, looking at herself in Aurelia's compact mirror to see what the daughter of Pavor was creating. "How pretty."
"Then it's a good thing I'm here," Annabeth commented, thinking it ironic since she was the last person she would expect to be upbeat. "Before Percy was my boyfriend, he was my friend, and gods he was such an idiot friend."
Hazel smiled a little, her shoulders relaxing more as Aurelia continued to braid her hair, and Annabeth launched into a story about Percy's greatest failures.
Aurelia felt at peace. She couldn't help but think about what Percy had said the night before—about the people on this ship being her new family. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.
A/N: In my mind, the love language of both Aurelia and Jason is words of affirmation. Before he disappeared, Jason was very good at vocally expressing how much he wanted to be with Aurelia (something he isn't doing as well now because she is incapable of expressing it back).
There are only two reasons why Jason sort of has feelings for Piper (one will be revealed later because it's in one of my favorite chapters of MoA) but the other one is that Piper can meet Jason's love language.
But make no mistake. He doesn't love Piper romantically.