It's Saturday, I have a class to attend which is class ni Ma'am Rhea and we have an individual task today.
Naka-prepare naman ako ng ipe-present, simple but I will make it unique. Hindi ko pa rin mapigilan hindi kabahan.
As I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the white silk dress that hugged my figure, I felt a mixture of excitement and nervous.
Today is the day I will present my advertisement to my sophisticated professor. I had put so much effort into creating the perfect report, but the thought of presenting it to this esteemed audience left me feeling anxious.
I wore a dark blue suit jacket over my dress to give myself a confidence boost, and dark blue slacks to complete the formal image, it's screaming professionalism.
Bumaba na ako at hindi na nag breakfast kasi tinatamad akong magluto, kakain nalang ako ng marami sa cafeteria mamaya.
With the hope of winning her standard again, I left our house driving my car.
Dumaan ako sa isang coffee shop na madadaanan lang papuntang university, bumili ako ng isang cappuccino at umalis na agad pero hindi ko ito ininom, may pag-gagamitan ako nito mamaya.
Nakarating ako sa university, tahimik, walang masyadong tao unlike kahapon. Lumabas ako ng kotse saka inayos ang suot.
"Good morning Freyja," bati sakin ng isang babae nung papasok na ako sa building.
"Hi," I smiled, "Good morning." I replied.
Ngumiti ito sakin sabay inayos ang buhok, but before siya magsalita ulit lumagpas na ako sa kanya sabay kumaway nang konti tapos umakyat na.
"Hi Elie!" bati sakin ng isang lalaking moreno na matangkad, nakasalubong ko sa hagdanan.
Ngumiti ako saka binati siya pabalik, meron pa sana siyang sasabihin pero nilagpasan ko na siya. Ano ba't nagmamadali ako baka late na naman ako.
Lakad takbo ang ginawa ko pagkaabot ko sa third floor. Dumating ako sa labas ng room na nakasarado. Kinakabahan akong tumingin sa orasan, it's 9:20am na at hindi ko napansin kanina.
I mentally slapped my face.
Kinakabahan man ay pikit mata kong binuksan ang pintuan, tahimik, maingat. Pagkabukas ng mata koʼy lahat ng tao sa loob nakatingin sakin, including her.
"You're late again," she said, crossing her arms.
"Sorry, Ma'am," sagot ko habang payuko-yuko.
"Get inside!" she exclaimed.
As I walked into the classroom, the students already seated, my palms began to sweat. Sino ba naman ang hindi kakabahan dito.
The unfamiliar faces around me only intensified my nerves. But the sight of my professor, the person I admired, made my stomach churn with anxiety.
Nakatitig ito sakin, nagkasalubong ang mga kilay, matalim ang titig, nakakatusok.
Nakaupo na ako at tinuloy niya na ang pag-discuss. Habang nakikinig sa kanya ay bigla akong nakaramdam ng gutom.
I sighed, "this is my first time going to school without eating breakfast." I mentally said.
Lumipas ang ilang minutong pagdi-discuss niya at kinuha nito ang laptop tsaka bumalik sa gitna.
"The presentation will begin, get ready," she announced. "I hope you've learned in my class as I want your reporting composed and in pitch, I already give you all a week to get ready, don't disappoint me." She added, leaving her intense stare upon us.
She really holds power over us.
Nagsimula nang mag report isa-isa ang mga student, I couldn't help but be amazed by the variety of concepts and methods as each student took the podium to deliver their advertising. While some speeches were brash and riveting, others were more subtly persuading.
Nakikita ko namang patango-tango lang si Ma'am Rhea sa mga nagrereport sa harap. It was a showcase of the students' talents and their understanding of the art of advertising, pero alam kong kinakain na sila ng takot dahil sa titig ng propesora.
Ako na ang susunod na magrereport, hindi pa nga ako nakakatayo ay pinagtitinginan na ako ng lahat. Halos lahat kinikilig nang tumayo ako, may kumakaway ding ibang student sakin but I couldn't ignore the intense stare from my professor. Her eyes seemed to bore into mine, making me feel nervous.
Kinuha ko ang nilagyan ng cappuccino pagkatapos ay pumunta sa harap, inayos ko muna ang damit ko tapos nagtilian naman ang ibang babae sa room, may iba ring lalaki.
"Begin," she said authoritatively.
Taking a deep breath, I began my advertisement, trying to project confidence despite the butterflies in my stomach. The aroma of the cappuccino filled the air, enticing everyone around me.
I described how the creamy froth perfectly complemented the rich espresso, creating a harmonious blend of flavors.
"The sight of delicate, frothy patterns swirling atop the cappuccino," sabi ko sabay bukas ng takip ng cappuccino at uminom ng konti, " And ohh, it invites you to savor each moment of this luxurious experience" I said, advertising. Pinunasan ko pa ang gilid ng labi ko pagkatapos ko inumin.
Nagtilian na naman ang mga students sa room which added to my confidence more.
Nang tumingin ako kay Ma'am Rhea her face remained neutral, giving away nothing about her thoughts. As I spoke, her gaze was intense, her eyes scrutinizing every word and gesture.
Pero kahit ganun, ang ganda niya pa rin sa paningin ko, sobrang ganda niya, nakakabaliw.
Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-advertise sa harap, the students seemed interested and nodded along as I gave my presentation.
May kumakaway at kinikilig sakin.
But knowing that I had succeeded in getting their attention, it was satisfying to observe their interest.
Natapos akong mag report sa harap, pinalakpakan ako ng lahat, including Cat.
"Nice Frey!" sigaw ng isang lalaki.
"Saan ba makabili n'yan?" sabi ng isang babae.
"I would buy that any day!" sigaw ng isang babae.
"May coffee shop ba kayo, pa-order!!"
Ngumiti lang ako sa kanila but when I look at her face, her face remained composed, leaving me uncertain about what she truly thought.
Did I fail my advertising?
I awaited my professor's feedback, hoping for some indication of what she thought. But she remained composed, giving no hints about her true feelings.
I sighed.
Siguro hindi ko na reach ang standard niya, I lost my confidence nung bumalik na ako sa seat ko. Maraming nag congratulate including Cat but I crave for my professor's comment.
Pero wala, none.
I couldn't help but wonder what's her true opinion of my work was as the class went on to the following presentation. Though I longed for her comment and compliment.
Hindi niya siguro ako gusto kasi halata naman, every move I make, she's there criticizing me. I can't comprehend her actions and attitude towards me.
Parang hindi kami compatible sa isa't isa.
Right, she's a professor, and I'm just her student.
After three hours dinismissed niya na kami, she's in her table while using her laptop. I'm staring at her, pinapanood ang lahat ng galaw niya nang may lumapit sakin tatlong babae.
"Hi Freya congrats pala sa pagkapanalo mo last Thursday," nakangiting sabi ng isang babae.
"Thank you," sagot ko at ginawaran na rin sila ng ngiti.
"Btw I'm Marah," pagpapakilala ng isang babaeng naka polo shirt.
"Sienna," dagdag nung isa.
"Llyne pala," saad ng isa.
I offers my hand for a handshake, "nice to meet yʼall" I said, smiling.
Tinanggap naman nila ang kamay ko pero iba ang pagkahawak sakin ng babaeng nagpakilalang "Sienna" it's uncomfy.
"If you want sabay na tayo mag lunch?" tanong nito sakin.
"Ah e" utal kong sagot.
"Huwag ka ng mahiya," sabi ng Marah.
"Oo nga, sabay ka na samin para may kasama kang mag lunch." Sabi ng Llyne.
Hi-hindi na sana ako pero agad namang kinuha ng Sienna ang kamay ko saka pinatayo ako, she linked her wrist on mine at pilit kong inilayo ang katawan ko sa kanya but I can't.
"Ms. Mercedez!" tawag ng pamilyar na boses sakin.
Kilalang-kilala ko na kung saan at kanino nanggaling ʼyon.
Nang marinig nila ang tawag ng pangalan ko ay binitawan ako ni Sienna, she quickly moved away from me.
Tumingin ako sa professor, her eyes is burning, staring at me like she's gonna kill me.
"Ma-
"Follow me!" putol niya sakin. Agad itong tumayo saka lumabas.
Tiningnan ko sila Sienna at ngumiti ng pilit saka kumaway ng konti at tumakbo pasunod sa masungit na propesora.
Nakarating kami sa labas ng office niya bago ito pumasok ay tumingin muna siya sakin, her piercing eyes, again.
Tumigil ako sa harap niya saka iniwasan ang mga mata niya, it really makes me nervous this time. Pumasok siya pero hindi ako sumunod, hinintay ko lang siya sa labas baka may kukunin lang kasi saka ipapadala sakin. Pagkaraan ng ilang minuto lumabas ito, galit na galit.
"What are you doing?" tanong niya sakin habang nakataas ang kilay.
"W-waiting for you, Ma-
"Get in!!" putol niya sakin, pasigaw, naiirita.
Palagi niya lang bang puputulin mga sasabihin ko?
Pumasok ulit siya this time sumunod na ako baka barilin ako nito sa ulo. Ngayon ko lang napansin na tinanggal niya ang coat na suot niya kanina at naiwan ang blue silky sleeve which suited her waist. It's very slim and feminine. Bagay rin ang silky black pants na pinares niya sa long sleeve.
Kahit anong susuotin niya ay bagay na bagay talaga.
"Ma'am ano pong gagawin ko dito?" tanong ko habang nakatayo lang sa harap ng desk niya. Wala yata siyang balak paupuin ako.
Tumingin siya sakin, she then rolled her eyes.
Hindi niya ako sinagot bagkos pumasok ito sa isang pinto ng office niya.
Hindi ko alam may office pa pala ang office niya.
Pagkabalik niya ay may dala na itong malaking blank na canvas, inilapag niya sa table nang malakas.
Parang tinapon lang.
"You won the competition, I will train you," she coldly said.
I almost forgot my recent victory in the art competition. Kaya pala kilala na ako ng iba dahil sa pagkapanalo ko. Winning the competition has brought me recognition and fame in the university, I guess.
I feel a surge of excitement knowing that I'll be trained by the woman I've always admired. I don't care kung susungitan niya ako palagi basta makikita ko lang siya araw-araw.
"Ngayon agad Ma'am? right here, right now?" tanong ko. Kasi it's lunch at kailangan ko pang kumain kasi wala pa akong breakfast.
She raised her eyebrows at me, "definitely."
"Pero Ma'am it's lunch time and I need to eat," sagot ko dito.
She sighed, massaging her temple.
"I will get you food, what do you want?" she asked.
What?
Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya, ako? bibilhan niya ng pagkain?
"A-anything y-you want, Ma'am." I replied, stuttering. I couldn't help but to smile inside, totoo ba ʼto?
"Right, do your work and wait here, " she said.
"Ano pong gagawin ko dito Ma'am?" tanong ko. Hindi ko naman kasi alam kung ano ang gagawin ko, binigyan lang ako ng blank na canvas.
Anong gusto niya titigan ko lang ʼto?
"What should I do with this?" I asked again, trying to hide my uncertainty.
"It's up to you to figure it out. Use your creativity and imagination," she explained, her response was laced with irritation.
Her words a little bit hurt, but at the same time, they sparked something within of me. She exuded confidence, and her unwavering devotion to art only increased my admiration for her.
"Sit there," sabi niya sabay turo sa couch niya, "do what I have told you while I get you food." Dagdag nito sabay lumabas sa office dala ang black purse niya.
Naiwan ako sa office niya, nakangiting umupo sa couch. Kinikilig talaga ako by her action kahit masungit. Tumayo ako sa sa couch saka kinuha ang black canvas sa table niya pero wala siyang binigay na mga brush at color pallets, anong ikukulay ko dito?
Nagdesisyon akong bumalik sa room saka kunin ang bag ko kasi nandun lahat ng gamit ko pang paint tsaka wala akong makitang gamit pang paint sa loob ng office niya, alangan naman pumasok ako doon sa isang pintuan baka may alaga siyang dragon.
Lumabas akong nakangiti papuntang room. Maraming bumati sakin halos lahat babae, may iba ring tinatanong ang instagram ko tas binigay ko naman.
Malapit na ako sa room nang may nahagip akong dalawang imahe ng tao, nakatayo sa labas ng isang office, magkahawak ang kamay. Onti-onti akong lumapit para makilala and there, bigla na namang nanikip ang dibdib ko as they were both smiling, seemingly lost in their own world.
It's Ma'am Rhea and Sir Montejo.
My emotions were in turmoil as I watched them, and a wave of pain swept over me. I had been secretly envious of her from afar, daydreaming of the time when our paths would cross and we could have a more meaningful relationship.
Mali ako, mali ako sa part na umasang may pag-asa ako sa kanya when in fact I know na wala akong pag-asa.
Because she has someone she loved.
Seeing her with someone else shattered my hopes and left me feeling heartbroken. It was as if my dreams had crumbled before my eyes, and I felt an overwhelming sense of loss and disappointment.
Pilit kong iniwas ang mga mata ko sa kanila, to shield myself from the heartache, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight. It was like a stab in the heart, a constant reminder that she was not meant for me.
I turned away with a sad heart, hindi ko sila kayang tingnan na masaya.
Ako sana ʼyan e, ako sana.
Hindi na ako pumunta sa room kasi pag pumunta ako madadaanan ko sila at mas lalong masisira ang araw ko.
"Kukuha lang daw ng pagkain ko e hindi naman ako kumakain ng lalaki," I mentally said and rolled my eyes pagkakuway bumalik na sa office niya.
Pabagsak akong umupo sa couch ng office niya. Masakit man pero nakaramdam rin ako ng inis.
Tiningnan ko ang black canvas, walang gamit sa pagpaint. Ano ba't matalino naman siya bakit mas inuna niya pang lumandi doon sa lalaki keysa bigyan ako ng painting materials.
Gutom na ako at ilang minuto na ang lumipas, hindi rin ako pwedeng umalis nalang nang hindi nagpapaalam baka magalit sakin.
"Matagal pa ba siyang lalandi doon?!" I exclaimed. Naiirita na ako, nagugutom na ang tao hindi man lang niya inisip.
Bumukas ang pinto ng office tapos pumasok siyang may dalang lunch box, hindi ko alam kung ano ang laman but I saw the guy na kasama niya kanina, hinatid siya ni Sir Montejo. Tuloy-tuloy siyang pumasok at pumunta sa gawi ko tapos binigay ang lunch box.
"Your lunch," she said, handling me the lunch box.
Sa nakita ko pa lang na hinatid siya ng lalaki ay nawalan na ako ng gana. Hindi na pala ako gutom.
"I've lost my appetite, thank you." I answered, with a cold voice.
She stared at me, worrying, but despite that her eyes tells me something that I need to accept what's in her hand or else...
"Take it," she authoritatively commands.
"There's no need, busog na po ako." I responded.
She sighed in irritation, "Did Vivien came here to give you food?" she asked. Her voice became intense, it was not cold anymore, nakakapaso.
"Ma'am Vivien?" I asked, confused. "Wala namang pumasok na Vivien dito Ma'am at kung meron man dapat nakita mo na siyang lumabas." I added.
"Then take this!" utos niya, tumataas na ang boses niya towards me.
"Don't want," pabalang kong sagot.
Nang alam niyang hindi ko tatanggapin ang lunch box ay hindi niya ito nilagay sa table, galit siyang lumakad papunta sa desk niya sabay bukas ng trashcan at tinapon doon ang lunch box.
Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya, why the heck did she throw that?
"Ma'am anong ginawa mo?" I asked her, napatayo ako sa ginawa niya.
"You said you're full then what's the point?" she replied, with a cold but intense gaze.
"Hindi niyo naman po kailangan itapon," sagot ko.
Standing with her arms crossed, she looked at me, her eyebrows raised and her eyes holding a mysterious expression. "Did someone give you food?" she questioned again, giving me a stern gaze.
"No," I confidently replied. I couldn't figure out why she would even think someone had given me food tsaka hindi ko na rin nakikita si Ma'am Vivien simula nung competition.
Why the hell she's acting like this?
"I bought this food for you, assuming you were hungry. As your professor and mentor, it's my responsibility to take care of you," she explained. "But if you're not accepting it, then it's going straight to the trash."
I couldn't fully grasp her words, but her eyes told a different story. There was something in her gaze that didn't align with her words.
Iniisip niya bang pumunta si Ma'am Vivien dito tapos binigyan ako ng pagkain?
"I'm hungry" I answered.
She sighed in disbelief, "Oh God," she whispered, massaging her temple.
"I lost my appetite because I saw you with him," I admitted.
Her eyes widened in surprise. "What is wrong with you, Ms. Mercedez?" she questioned.
"What is wrong with you, Ma'am?" I retorted, standing firmly in front of her. "You give me false hope with your gazes, the way your eyes speak to me. That's why I keep hoping for something more," I said, gripping both of her hands and pinning her against her desk.
"L-let go of m-me!" she said while pinning her in her desk.
"I won't release you until you reveal the truth behind the gaze, the way you look me at the gymnasium when Ma'am Vivien kissed my cheek, how you stare at her like you're going to kill her with your gazes!" I declared, my grip on her wrist firm.
She attempted to free herself, pushing me away, but I held my ground. "Let go of me, Ms. Mercedez!" she yelled.
Hindi, hindi ako naniniwalang wala. Sigurado akong meron.
"Quit hoping for something that's not there, Mercedez!" she shouted again, but this time she stopped resisting me pinning her to the desk. Her strength seemed to wane.
"You think I will easily to quit?" I smirk, still holding her wrist.
Tinangka niyang tanggalin ang mga kamay niya sa pagkakahawak ko pero she failed again.
"This is harassment!" she yelled, her eyes filled with anger and something that I can't explain.
I looked at her, hoping for something. Just a word from her, para malinawan ang isipan ko.
"I like you," I said, looking at her. "I like you so much, Ma'am Rhea." I confessed.
I couldn't see any sign of optimism or reciprocation as I gazed into her eyes. Instead, I detected a depth of emotion that she had been concealing a reservoir of sentiments and secrets she had kept hidden.
"Stop, stop hoping," she said, with cold voice. "I can't reciprocate with your feelings."
My heart sank as I realized that my hopes were misplaced.
"No" I replied, still determined.
"Stop hoping because I have someone!" she shouted, clearly disappointed.
Right, I was merely another student caught in the web of my own obsession, she had someone else who owned her heart.
"I thought there is, I was hoping for it." I replied. My tears were ready to erupt in a slight provocation.
"Don't hope for nothing, Ms. Mercedez." She replied, "remove your grip on my wrist or else-
I immediately grasp her shoulders and giving her a hard kiss because I couldn't control my feelings. I felt vulnerable and desperate, as though I wanted to make her feel the same way I did for her.
Diniin ko ang halik ko sa kanya, it's intense. Pinilit niyang ilayo ako sa kanya pero she can't win. I couldn't resist the temptation, savoring the feel of her soft, smooth lips that left me longing for more every time I laid eyes on them.
Nagpumiglas siya nang hinalikan ko siya, trying to resist me, and I didn't gave her a chance to move.
I move my lips on her lips, trying to connect with her, expecting her to accept what's inside me.
Habang hinahalikan ko siya, pinipilit niyang ilayo ang mga labi niya sa akin that caused her to resist again that made her cup fall under her desk.
Nabasag ito.
I then realized what I did. An overwhelming sensation of remorse swept over me. Knowing that I had violated her privacy and abused her gullibility, I was aware that I had gone too far.
I took a step back, my body is filled with guiltnesss.
She slapped me across the cheek, the sound echoing in the room.
She backed away, her face showing a mixture of amazement and rage.
She stated firmly, her voice icy and distant, "That was completely inappropriate. Regardless of your feelings, you have no right to do that!" she shouted, mad.
"I'm so sorry," my voice shaking with remorse. I'm not sure what came over me, nadala lang ako sa emosyon ko.
Her slap had the same sting as the pain in my heart. Because I had disregarded her privacy.
I deserved it.
"Ms. Mercedez, your action will not be tolerated." She spoke, wiping her lips with a napkin.
"I'm aware that I had erred, and there was nothing I could do to make it right, but I still held out hope that you would recognize the intensity of my feelings and the agony I was experiencing." I stated as my tears streamed down my face. "That kiss is a living proof that this, my feelings for you, is true."
I stepped back, retreating with tears streaming down my face, and quickly rushed out of her office.
As I ran down the hallway, my tears continued to fall with each step I took.
Hindi ko na siya tiningnan pa nung lumabas ako ng office, I can't bare to watch her disgusted in me.
I was hoping for something I couldn't have.
-
Note: I want their relationship to progress slowly, stirring emotions like a twisting noodle HAHAHAHA! But this is just the start of something meaningful. Their bond will undoubtedly grow over time, as I envision a gradual and emotional romance. Be prepared for more heart-wrenching moments in the upcoming chapters! Well, maybe not entirely just a bit.
...