AN: GUYS I LOVE YOU. You've been showing the first two chapters so much love already and I'm so grateful❤️ please keep up with the comments and the votes, it truly makes me so happy to know you guys are enjoying it x
♥
I didn't sleep all night. I've done nothing good with my time except wallow in my own self-pity. I brought this on myself. Of course I did. This is all my fault. It's always my fault, I can never seem to do anything right.
I've been mindlinking my mate since the evening of the party but he refuses to answer other than telling me to be quiet.
I still don't even know his name. All he has done is tell me to keep my distance. I know how much the mindlinking is affecting him because it's doing the same to me. It lights up my body like a tree with fairy lights and my wolf purrs at the sound of his voice.
But our conversations are cut short because he doesn't want to speak with me for too long.
All I want to know is his name. I am desperate to put a name to that gorgeous face.
I can't stop thinking about his saddened eyes. The way they glimmered with betrayal in the light and the strict expression of devastation. It still haunts me. It will haunt me forever and maybe I deserve that.
For what feels like the hundredth hour of the day I roll into bed, feeling the heaviness of my guilt and shame on my back.
I grip onto the sheets and sigh heavily into the pillow. Can I at least know your name?
The words fly off into a never ending blackhole. I have no idea if he's ignoring me or if he's listening and still choosing to ignore me. But I have to know. It is killing me.
Please. I whimper. I know I don't deserve your time right now but please. Just your name.
I chew on my lip and stare at the window, my curtains blowing gently from the crack of breeze. My eyes clench together and I grumble out a sigh. This is pointless. He's never going to forgive me and I'm never going to recover from the tightness in my chest, the ache in my heart. This is me–forever.
I'll stop mindlinking if you tell me. I have to know. Ple–
Nate. His voice snaps sharply. My name is Nate.
I sink into the pillows further, a small light brightening inside my chest. Nate. I repeat.
You said you'd stop mindlinking. His smooth voice wobbles.
My lips slip into a frown as I nuzzle my head back into the pillow. I'm Milo.
Nate doesn't respond when I share my name with him, I wasn't expecting him to. Even though the conversation went no better than the last couple of times, this felt different and now I can put a name to a face.
My mate. Nate.
♥
I wake up after what feels like a few minutes sleep but it feels easier now that I know his name.
That's all I wanted to know, all I wanted to hear and now it feels like the missing piece of the puzzle.
An answer to a question I've been asking for the last twenty six years. It's him. He is the answer and I had no idea that I would feel like this. That I would feel so empty without him. Empty without someone that I don't even know.
I drag myself to the shower and try to force myself to continue doing daily tasks before I fall down into a pit of depression. I know I'll never get back up if I do and that won't help me win Nate back. I have to keep my head held high, despite the lowness inside my body.
I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and frown at what I see staring back at me.
Dull, exhausted, defeated.
I've never seen such dark circles and pale skin. I barely recognise myself.
A tightness grips my chest, wrapping itself around my lungs and my anxiety begins to spike without any invitation whatsoever. I grip the counter and hunch my back over the skin, grumbling out a breath that feels like a desperate cry.
I don't feel like myself. I haven't felt like myself in months.
All the partying, drinking, drugs and sex.
Who have I even become? I'm just a shell of a man that doesn't belong anywhere.
Of course Nate would have one glance at me, at my lifestyle and decide that I'm not worth it. Have I ever been worth a mate? I am nothing but a disappointment.
A useless excuse of a werewolf that cares more about pleasing others than what's really going on inside my own brain. When was the last time I truly took care of myself rather than shoving vodka down my neck and jumping into bed with someone who doesn't even know my name?
I have no idea when I became this person but I am terrified. I am terrified.
After what feels like an eternity, I pull my eyes from the broken reflection and take myself downstairs. I need to get out of this room before I start clawing at the wallpaper and I make an even bigger fool of myself.
My eyes gravitate to the coffee machine when I get downstairs. That's the first thing I need, caffeine to fight this horrific headache that I have and the lack of sleep I've got over the last couple days.
"Hey man," a voice from behind me causes me to jump out of my skin.
I glance over at my brother, Everett, as he makes his way into the kitchen. He studies me for a few moments and I don't even want to think about how bad I look in his eyes, let alone see it on his face.
"Hi," I sigh and drag a hand down my face painfully.
"What's been going on?" Everett settles down beside me.
I clutch the coffee between my hands tighter, allowing the temperature to burn through my skin. "Everything is fucked." I admit.
His brows push together. "What do you mean?"
My throat clenches when I part my lips. I told Reign, Everett's mate, what happened that night when I saw her in the morning. I was a mess, full of alcohol and severely disoriented and I'm surprised she hasn't run to Everett to tell him everything.
But that's how I know that I love and trust her more than anything.
She's given me this chance to tell my brother myself. In my own words. My own time.
I turn my head to the wall. Looking at Everett will make me break down.
"He's never going to take me back." I murmur pathetically.
"Who?"
"My mate. I've fucked everything. Everything!"
He places a hand onto my shoulder, to let me know that he's here and it's okay. I can't remember how many times I've had to rely on Everett when my emotions have become too high, when I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do.
I've tried so hard not to do it recently because he's been so busy with Reign. He's been working hard to help her trust him, after everything that she has possibly gone through, I wouldn't want to take this time away from them.
So I've been silent. Painfully silent.
"Okay, okay," Everett dips his tone carefully. "Tell me everything."
So I do. Everything that happened the other night. How much I fucked up. How much hatred and devastation I saw in Nate's eyes. How I think that we will never be able to come back from this because he will never forgive me. No matter how hard I try.
I don't even realise I can't catch my breath and I'm sobbing until Everett catches me in his arms and clutches me close to his chest. We've always been close, we've always been affectionate and having a hug from your brother that you love–it means everything to my damaged soul.
My hand bunches into his shirt as he holds me tightly. The next few words have been on my chest for a while, a long while but I never have wanted to admit them. Scared of what they'll mean when it's out in the open and I accept that this is an issue that needs to be resolved.
But I know Everett, he'll be the one to help me and guide me when I need the support.
Without him I'd be nothing.
"I think–" I draw in a sudden breath and stare at the wet patch on his shoulder. "I think I have a problem. Something is wrong with me."
My eyes squeeze shut as I finish my sentence. Everett removes himself from me but continues to hold onto my shoulder, our eyes meet and he frowns at the dampness of my own.
"What do you mean?" He asks softly, trying his hardest to understand. "What is wrong with you?"
"I think I have–" I start but pause because the words feel like poison on my tongue and admitting it is the first step. Yet I still don't want to believe that it could destroy my life but I know I need help. "I have–"
I suck down another gasp of air. The words refuse to fall from my lips.
"Whatever it is, Milo, you can tell me."
My shaky hand raises to wipe my damp cheeks. I focus my eyes on my brother and nod. "I think I have a sex addiction."
Everett doesn't say anything for a few moments as my head begins to spiral. Everything slows down, moving in a fraction of what it should be.
Even blood begins to roar in my ears, heart
thumping aggressively against my chest.
Sex addiction. Sex addiction. I've said these words to myself for months but I never wanted to accept the reality. Not when I thought it was fine but clearly, it's harmful to myself, to everyone around me.
Things have to change but I don't know how I could change. This is me. This is who I am.
"I'm so scared about everything," I blurt, head falling into my hands. "For my future, for my mate. For everything. I have nothing going for me. I am nothing."
Everett's head shakes over and over, blonde hair whipping across his head. "Don't say that," he spits with heaviness. "You are not nothing. You are my brother and I love you. We can fix this. We can get you the help that you need, you can work things out with your mate. Don't give up, Milo."
My eyebrows furrow and I stare at my brother through watery vision. "What help can I get?" I say defeatedly. "There is no help for people like me. It's sick. I'm sick and now I've ruined everything. I hate myself so much."
His hand finds the back of my neck and he pulls our heads together, resting foreheads gently. I watch as he clenches his jaw and then shakes his head. "Don't say that. You can get help. Therapy, group sessions. Anything that can help you feel like you're not alone. You are not the only person in the world who has an addiction, Milo."
I can feel my lips beginning to tremble. "But he's never going to want me," I whisper and close my eyes, tears escaping my lids and staining my cheeks.
"He will," Everett says with hope and optimism. "I promise you he will. But Milo, you need to actively get help, if you want to prove to him that you'll get better, that he has nothing to worry about, you need to get help and prove that you can be the best mate you can be."
I sniffle gently and pull away from his gentle hold. "Do you think?"
"I know it," he clutches my neck again and flashes me a look of honesty in his eyes. "You guys can't live without each other. You made a mistake, so put it right. Prove to him that things can be different, that you can change. That he will be the person to make you happy for the rest of your life."
My eyes move from Everett to the counter, my heart trembling at the idea of him. "He's so beautiful. It was so painful to look at him."
When I close my eyes I can still see him now. That expression. That hurt.
"Then put things right," Everett says quietly. "He will come around."
I hold onto his words and pray that they're true because I don't just want him, I need him. I need him more than ever and I had no idea. Someone to prove that life doesn't have to be about going out every weekend–sometimes in the week–to get absolutely smashed and smash whoever the fuck you can.
It's about finding your soulmate to settle down. It's about bringing light into each other's lives. And Nate has already lit mine up like fireworks on the fourth of July. Yet–he has no idea what he's done to spark this inside me.
"I hope so," I mumble, pulling away from his grip on my neck.
"If you ever need to speak to me, then I'm always here for you. No matter what."
I shrug pathetically. "Everyone's so busy lately. I don't want to get in the way of you guys and your mates."
Everett's jaw ticks at my words, he shakes his head sharply. "You are my brother, Milo. You are my blood and I know for a fact that Reign would understand if I had to drop things for you. She'd be there for you too and you know it. We're one big family now. No one gets left out because we are there for each other, all the time."
My head nods back at his words, eyes slowly becoming dry now. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of moping. I just want to be happy–and I'm the one to blame for putting myself in this situation.
"I know you guys are there for me but I feel like I'd be a burden."
Everett looks like his head is about to blow off angrily. "You would never be a burden. I don't want you to ever suffer alone, okay? We can fix this. We can help you, just let us be there for you. Come to us when things are bad, please. Please." He pleads and it breaks my heart to see him worry about me like this.
"Okay," I murmur quietly. "I will."
He grips my shoulder once more and flicks those blue eyes between my own, slowly. He sees me. He wants to understand and be there for me. "There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get him back, Milo. Don't give up. I never gave up with Reign and now she's happy, she's content here, even though she was adamant that she was bad for me. Things will work out in the end. They always do."
I smile back at my brother because he's waited for this moment with his mate for years, beyond years. Probably before he was even born. "Reign is good for you, Ev. She's such a good person."
A kind soul to grace this earth. A person that has given me a space to feel safe with her, in my own home. They're lucky to have each other. My brother finally getting his happily ever after.
"I know," Everett beams at me. "She really is."
I replicate his smile and then he beckons his head to the kitchen.
"Come on, let's make breakfast," he says standing from the stool. "I bet you haven't eaten much lately."
"You know I can't cook," I roll my eyes.
Everett laughs subtly. "Then let me teach you."
"Alright," I huff before taking a sip of coffee and force myself to take my mind off Nate. At least for a few minutes before I drive myself insane.
♥ ♥ ♥
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Author's Note
Hello angels! What did we think of this chapter?👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼
Milo admitting to Everett that he has an addiction🥺 I'm so proud of him for voicing his concerns about his own health and mental state. I love that Everett is there for him when he needs support the most.
You guys are truly the best! Let's keep the votes and comments coming for an early update before next Thursday! 120 votes and 40 comments and I'll post the new chapter ASAP!✨
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