⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ forever and always.
003. open wound
｡☆✼★ STELLA CONKLIN'S POV. ★✼☆｡
I was sitting on my bed, scrolling on my phone and looking at the flowers Conrad had delivered for me on the last day of school while Florence and i decided on what we were going to wear to this party. I promised her she could wear some of my clothes, so while she picked out something to wear, i occupied myself on TikTok.
My heart skips a beat when a text pops up from Jeremiah, i click on it without thinking twice and sitting up to read it.
❝ STELLA + JEREMIAH ⎯ PRIVATE MESSAGES ❞
4:22 pm
JERE BEAR
you looked very pretty in your gown stell bell
sorry i couldn't be there for you,
but i did watch it on zoom!
STELL BELL
i bet you could've counted the pixels on that stream
the service is so bad in school😭
but thank you jere, it means a lot
JERE BEAR
has conrad answered you yet?
STELL BELL
to say he got flowers delivered on my doorstep
but only been left on read since then
JERE BEAR
i'm sorry stell
i don't know what's going on with him
STELL BELL
yeah same here
i have to go jere, gotta get ready for a party :)
love you bear
JERE BEAR
have fun party animal
have a drink for me 🥰
love you bell
STELL BELL
will do jere❤️
read 4:30 pm
i smiled before looking up at the shirt options Florence held up against her body, asking me what one looked best.
"That one," i point to a red corset top i don't even remember buying. It must have been one i stole from Fallon months ago and never worn again or given it back. We hadn't talked, let alone swapped clothes again.
She decides to pair it with a black mini skirt, and her Doc Martins she brought with her. I went with a baby blue cropped shirt, matching it with a min denim skirt that i stole from Taylor last week when we went to a party together and my converse.
Once everyone was ready, all 5 of us headed downstairs. I saw my mum sitting on her chair working on her laptop, "Heading to a grad party?"
I frowned, had she forgotten it was ours like i told her?
"Yeah. Ours," Steven motioned between us two.
"Steven and his friends are throwing it, remember? I told you this this morning mum," I said noticing the confused look on her face.
"Oh, right. Well, have fun. And don't drink and drive," Mum says the last part sternly.
"Oh, don't worry, I promised Steven I'd be the sober driver. I'll probably be home in like an hour or two, don't wanna stay too long," Mum smiles at me before looking at all of us.
"Oh, and i ordered you a pizza, okay, so please eat it," Belly says while putting her shoes on.
"Don't worry about me. Go."
"All right. I love you," Belly says.
"Bye, love you," we all say as we head out the door, closing it behind us.
𓆩*𓆪
As i walked beside Steven, so many people said hello to us. The music drowned out their voices, so neither of us knew what they were saying. I soon became very aware of people's eyes on me, becoming self conscious and crossing my arms over the skin shown on my torso.
Florence grabs my hand and pulls my arms down, she squeezes it as we walk further into the party. I make eye contact with Fallon, the last person i wanted to see tonight. She had been sending me messages everyday, and as i far as i knew her and James were still together. So i didn't want to be near or apart of that. James had been caught cheating many times, just like i told her he would, but who listens to me right?
I see her start trying to walk towards us, so i pull on Florence's arm and redirect us through the foot traffic to a spot where she didn't see where we went. We could see her, but she couldn't see us yet, so we watched her look around for me until she gave up and walked back to her cheating boyfriend.
From a distance, they could see Taylor mount Milo in front of Steven, who looked defeated by the sight. Belly just looked uncomfortable, so Florence and i came out of hiding after getting a lemonade and walked over to them. Saving my siblings from further misery. Steven redirected his eyes to his phone for the millionth time that day.
Spike, who already seemed out of it, soon finds Steven.
"Uh, you call this a party?" Spike asks, almost slurring his words. "Where are all the hot ladies you promised? Stella's here but no others."
"Gross, i have a boyfriend Spike," i roll my eyes at Steven's asshole of a friend.
"Oh yeah? Where is he? Ignoring you still?" My eyes go wide as i look to Steven.
Steven tries to grab my arm as i walk past him, Steven had been the only one that was here tonight who i had told the whole story to. From Conrad seeming distant and dodging my calls and texts left and right without fail to him just completely ignoring me like it was his career. Belly didn't even know, so Steven just openly telling Spike like that just pissed me off.
"Stella!" A voice calls out for me, but i can't make out who it was. It almost sounded like Conrad, but he wouldn't be here. My thoughts were too fuzzy to deal with people right now, so instead of focusing on who it was i found my way back into the house and to the drink area. Fulfilling my promise of staying sober, this time i grabbed a can of coke instead of Lemonade and headed out the front door.
There weren't many people out the front of the house right now, so i found a spot where nobody was and sat down.
All i could think about is how i should be celebrating my high school graduation with the boy that i love with my whole heart. Not sitting outside, alone, at my graduation party trying to drown myself out without alcohol. I was sick of being at a party feeling like an open wound, i didn't want to feel like that anymore. I was trying so hard to get out of the slump grief has put me in, but i don't know what to do to get out of it.
I open my phone to no notifications from Conrad or Steven, or anyone. Just a random instagram post that i had notifications on for. I contemplate sending Conrad another message, but decided against it when i remembered what happens every time. I just wanted him back, if i called him would he pick up?
The feelings of missing his voice took over as my finger pressed on his contact, hovering over the call button before i pressed it. It rung for a few seconds before I hear his voice on the other side.
"Ell?"
"Oh, Conrad. I didn't expect you to answer."
"What made you call me at 10:30 at night?" He says through the speaker.
"I missed your voice, it feels like i haven't heard from you in so long," I say looking down at the grass as i pick it out of the ground piece by piece.
"It's late i can't really talk right now Ell."
"And, you haven't replied to my messages," i say, making him go silent.
"Uh Ell i wanted to it's just⎯"
"Just what?"
"I uh ⎯ I don't know, i don't mean to."
"Once is an accident, multiple times for weeks isn't. What's going on Conrad?"
Silence fills the call, "Just been dealing with some stuff. I'm sorry i haven't answered."
"You know you can talk to me right? Conrad i'm always here."
"I know that Ell, i just can't right now."
"I could've used you here today, like you promised Conrad. The one day i needed you, you weren't here. Steven had everyone, my parents loved the fact he was valedictorian but hated the fact their eldest daughter basically flunked because she wasn't allowed the help she needed," my voice cracks at the end of the sentence, making Conrad try to calm me down.
"Ell, i wish i could've been there. But it just didn't work out," He sighs.
"What like us? We're breaking down because there's no communication anymore. I certainly don't feel like someone's girlfriend right now," Tears stream down my face now.
"Don't say that," a noise comes from his end of the call, "I have to go Ell, there's another call coming through."
"I need you Conrad, don't shut me out," I get in just before i hear the hang up noise through the speakers of my phone. Making me throw my phone onto the grass, thinking back to a phone call where we acted like a couple. Wishing we were still like that, but nothing lasts forever and nothing stays the same.
𓆩*𓆪
A face time call from Conrad came through when i was in the middle of doing the laundry. It was late at night so i wasn't sure if i should pick up, as i didn't want to wake anyone up because it echoed down here.
I manage to quickly find my airpods and connect them before answering.
"Hey ell," Conrad waves at the camera with a smile on his face.
I smile at him as i prop my phone up against the window, "Hi Con."
He doesn't say anything for a few seconds as he watches me load clothes into the washing machine, but quickly looks away when i look back up.
"Whatcha looking at?" I laugh, so does he knowing i caught him staring at me through his phone.
"My girlfriend."
"Oh really?" I smirk at him making him laugh a little more, "What have you been up to?"
"Oh you know my roommate Trusky?"
I grab a handful more of clothes, loading them into the washer, "Oh, did he sleepwalk in his underwear again?" I laugh looking at Conrad on my screen.
" No, he didn't. Thankfully," Conrad laughs, "But we were talking and it turns out he's a 5G conspiracist."
We lose track of time as we catch each other up on the week that had just passed us. Conrad's college schedule absolutely trumping my lame Senioritis that everyone seemed to have caught already so early into the school year.
I tell him how much Belly asks about Jeremiah, and how he still isn't returning her calls. I knew why he wasn't and Belly didn't seem to deserve to know after how she treated the boys this past year, especially Jeremiah. So i just left it, which Jere thanked me for too.
We also organised for me to go over to his dorm in the next couple weeks on a weekend to visit him for the first time at College. Which we were both excited for, since his roommate would also be out of town and he had the whole room to himself. I just had to ask my mum, which she would definitely say yes because we all know Conrad is her favourite out of all the kids.
We were on the topic of relationships when Conrad brought up his parents, "Did i tell you my dad cheated?"
I stare at him in shock, "I think you did last summer, but Anna also told me a while ago."
"She always tells you too much Ell," Conrad laughs thinking of his mother.
"How'd you find out about it?" I asked.
"Um, i came home early from school one day and, heard them fighting," Conrad pauses and i hear a shaky breath as i look back up from the ground, "She was crying so much, Ell. I've never heard her cry like that before. So i left. I went back out, I drove around town for two hours and came back and pretended not to know anything."
"I'm so sorry Con," He smiles at me.
"I know."
We seemed to have lost track of time, just talking for hours without realising.
Conrad looks up at the corner of his phone and gasps, "Oh my god it's 2 in the morning Ell, you need to get some sleep."
"I'm not tired," I shrug making him laugh.
"Ell i love you but we both know that but you'll regret it when you have to get up at 7 for school," I sigh when he calls me out, knowing exactly what happens when i don't get enough sleep.
"I love you too. Five more minutes?"
I lean down on my hands and look up at him smiling back at me on my phone, "Fine. Only five then you need to get some sleep."
𓆩*𓆪
I stare up at the stars when i hear feet in the grass behind me. I turn around to see Florence's older brother.
"Oh hi Khai," I say as he sits down next to me, "Um, how much of that did you hear?"
"Only the last part," He smiles at me, "Are you alright Stella?"
I look at him before looking back over my shoulder, "Oh yeah just a little hiccup."
"That sounded more than a little hiccup. You date that Conrad dude right?"
I nod, "Yeah."
"You don't have to tell me anything, i just wanted to see if you were okay. I heard you crying and i didn't want you to be alone out here," He smiles.
"That's sweet of you Khai, but really i'm okay. Just needed some air."
He stands up and holds his hand out to help me stand up, "Whatever's happening i'm sure it will work out. From what Steven has told me about you two you guys seem like a forever thing Stella," I laugh, "Now c'mon and enjoy your party."
"Thanks Khai, really, that means a lot."
"No worries," He smiles before walking back inside and leaving me standing on the grass. I take a deep breath before following his trail and walking into the backyard where everyone else was.
I spot Taylor and Belly at the front as Milo started to sing along with his band.
"You want to know something so romantic?" Taylor asks Belly as i stand next to Steven as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. I go to shrug it off but he doesn't let me. "Milo wrote this song for me."
"It's a cover babes," I giggle at her.
"Of that song from the movie Armageddon?" Steven adds.
"Oh. Well, it's still romantic," Taylor scoffs at us, but mainly Steven, "Okay, wait don't make me beg you for details. What did you and Cory talk about?"
"Who's that?" I whisper at Steven who just shrugs and looks back over at the girls.
"Uh, the book I'm reading," Belly says.
Steven and i laugh, "I'm sorry, you suck at talking to guys."
"Okay, I'm rusty, and also he's the one who brought it up," She glares at Steven with a smile, "He spoke to me in French."
Taylor turns her head around quicker than anything, "French? What? In French? Okay, that's so hot. Like, he sounds obsessed with you."
"Yeah, I don't know. I mean, that convo took so much effort. Like, is it supposed to be that hard? I mean look at you and Milo. You guys just make sense," Belly says swinging Taylor's hand back and forth while holding it.
Florence soon stands next to me, i was actually about to go and look for her. But she beat me to it.
"You okay?" She asks me while half-hugging me.
"I'll tell you later," I whisper making her nod and look up at the stage.
Taylor mumbles something to Belly, which i couldn't hear but it seemed like Steven did based on his face. And it wasn't a happy look either.
I cringe when Milo attempts to hit a high note, making Florence and I laugh at each other as everyone dances. Steven nudges us to get us t stop after we gained a few stares from Taylor.
Next thing we know Milo's ripping his shirt off and starts the next song dancing around shirtless. I look over at Taylor basically drooling at the sight of her boyfriend. Before i could tell him not to, Steven climbs up the stage and soon takes his shirt off too and throws it onto me.
"Belly, Stella. I'm gonna crowd-surf," Steven yells over the loud music.
"Steven, No. Get down!" I yell before he ignores me and jumps and lands on top of me. Crushing me on the ground as Belly and Taylor help me up. "What the hell?"
"Stella are you okay?" I hear Florence ask me as she also tries to help me up.
"Uh, Stella i'm so sorry."
"No, yeah, i'm okay. I'm totally fine. I'm just, uh ⎯ I'm gonna go get a drink." I say before grabbing Florence's hand and dragging her away with me.
"Well you're my sober driver, Stell Bell. Don't let me down," Steven yells at me. I flip him off and continue walking away, also hearing Belly and Taylor yell something at him.
𓆩*𓆪
"I had this weird thought today," I tell Conrad over the phone.
"Yeah? I love weird thoughts," He laughs into the speaker.
I walk outside, doing the daily bin run. It's usually Steven's job but he's always off studying or with friends somehow, so it's always me. Belly sometimes, but that's basically never.
"I was thinking if my dad had cheated on my mum, she probably wouldn't have even cared. Is that harsh?" I say as i lift the lid of the bin up and throw the full bag into it.
"No. But do you really think Laurel wouldn't have a reaction?"
"I mean, kinda. Like, nothing about my dad ever excited her. You know? They were, like, never romantic around each other."
"And you want to see your parents being romantic?" Conrad laughs at me.
I laugh too, "Maybe. I mean, I just can't imagine marrying someone who didn't give me fireworks. You know, like electric jolts every time I saw them."
It goes silent for a few seconds, "Do i give you fireworks?"
"All the time," I smile, even though he can't see me.
"I love you Ell."
"I love you too."
Conrad laughs softly into the speaker again before going silent, "Were you surprised when you found out your parents were getting divorced?"
I sit down on the concrete stairs just outside my house, "Uh, yes and no. I mean, I always thought divorce meant fighting you know? And there was never any of that. I mean, they were cold for a little while, but now everything's kind of back to normal."
"When was the last time you talked to your dad Ell?"
I take a deep breath, "A month ago. Every time i call he doesn't answer and pretends to not be home when i go over there."
"I'm sorry Ell. Have you told your mum?"
"I tried to before she left to go see Susannah but she didn't want to listen," I sigh as i look out into the street. Chills go up my arms as a cold breeze blows past me.
"Hey, can i tell you something?" I ask him.
"Anything," He answers with what i'm sure is a small smile on his face.
"I love you."
"That's all?" He laughs but continues, "I love you too Ell, so much."
𓆩*𓆪
I reach the cooler again and just grab out another lemonade. Florence was right behind me as we walked back out the front and sat where i was before.
"I just want to go home," I say as i rest my head on her shoulder.
"I'm sure Steven and Belly can find their own way home. Isn't Belly sober?"
I lift my head up to take a sup of my drink before sharing it with Florence, "Yeah but i'd have the car."
"Ell if you aren't comfortable here and aren't feeling up to it you can go home, think about yourself for once okay?" Florence wraps her arm around my shoulder to bring me into a hug.
"It just doesn't feel like a party with Susannah here, she helped me plan this too," I say, tears welling up in my eyes thinking back to it.
"I know i didn't know her for long or that well but Susannah would want you looking after yourself. She wouldn't want her Stella Daisy to be sad and not enjoying her high school graduation," Florence laughs softly as she shakes me to get me smiling.
"Yeah i know. Do you want to stay at mine tonight?" Florence nods as we both stand up and walk back inside to grab my keys and jacket. And also to find the others to tell them i'm going home.
Florence spots Steven with Spike before i did, so she grabs my arm and directs us over there. From what i can see from afar he looks drunk already, Belly sitting down next to Taylor.
"Stella! Where'd you go?" Taylor yells at us when we stand in front of them.
"Just out the front," I smile at her when she looks at me concerned.
"Hey sis, check it out," Steven calls me over so i turn my body to face him just to be covered in his beer as he stabs the can trying to show me a trick.
Taylor mumbles something in annoyance after it also sprays all over her and Milo.
"I can't believe you did that," Taylor says.
"This party sucks," I say annoyed at Steven.
"Dude, it's beer, man. It'll dry. Chill."
I roll my eyes, "We're leaving, okay?"
"Wait, did something happen?" Belly asks, standing up worried.
"No, it um ⎯ it doesn't matter. Is there any way you guys could find another way home, please? Or if you're ready to go now you can come with us," I say, started to feel exhausted by having to put up a front for everyone all night.
"Everyone is drunk Stella. You promised to be my sober ride tonight," He points at me.
"Okay well things change and i'm ready to go now."
"Okay, well, I'm not."
"Great. Then can you just call an uber or something?"
"Why are you being such a buzzkill right now?" Steven scoffs at me.
"Oh, I'm sorry am i ruining golden boy's perfect fun night, Mr Perfect Valedictorian?" I say tilting my head to the side and looking up at my brother.
"Kinda, yeah."
I roll my eyes again, "Steven you know how hard this school year has been for me, I just want to go to bed and forget the one person i needed here today didn't show and the other obviously couldn't be here. "
"Who Susannah? You don't think i'm sad about that too? Fuck you Stella," Steven semi-yells at me.
"Oh, what while you were crowd surfing you didn't realise your heartbroken sister was sitting on the front lawn on the night of what was also meant to be her graduation party that her mother couldn't care about until her brother told her after she did? Or that her boyfriend has been ignoring her for weeks and you being the only person she had told and then you go and blabber that to your dearest friend Spike?"
"Stella ⎯ I," Steven steps towards me but i step back.
"No Steven, i just want to go home."
"Let me finish! I should also be celebrating with them tonight Stella, but you went and made things messy. Both of you," He snaps his over to look at Belly who wouldn't make eye contact.
"How did i make things messy? Conrad and i are still together," I stare at him confused.
"You just did Stella. He should be here tonight."
"You think i don't know that? I would have loved to have my boyfriend watch me walk that stage just like i watched him last year, but shit happens doesn't it Steven?"
"Stella don't be so fucking selfish."
"Okay ⎯ that was too far Steven," Florence steps in between Steven and I as he starts to inch closer towards me while looking more and more angry with each word that was spoken.
"I'm in love Steven. Like out of my mind in love, what am i supposed to do?" I yell at him, then seeing all the eyes looking at us now.
"Stella ⎯"
Before he can continue i walk away, frankly not caring how he gets home tonight. I grab my jacket and my keys and run out to my car. I wait a few seconds as Belly and Florence jump in the car too, Florence in the front and Belly in the back.
As i drive us home, i fight the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. Florence squeezes my shoulder a couple times in an attempt to comfort me, which makes me smile at her before looking back at the road.
I safely pull into the driveway and we all walk up to the front door. I twist the handle to find that mum had left the door open for us, so we walk straight in and see her sitting in her chair.
"Belly we need to talk," She says straight away.
"We'll be upstairs," I say gesturing between Florence and I.
Mum nods, nothing more or less. Making me sigh and walk upstairs and into my room.
As i crash on my bed, my phone starts vibrating in my hand. I flip it over to see Jeremiah calling me. I look at Florence who just shrugs and tells me to answer it.
"Hey Jeremiah."
"Hey Stell."
"Is everything okay?" I ask starting to get worried. Jere sounded more down than usual.
"I know this is a long shot but is Conrad with you?"
I sit up as my anxiety skyrockets again, "No Jere he isn't. What's going on?"
"Conrad's gone," Jeremiah says through the speaker quietly.
"Wait, what do you mean he's gone? He answered my call tonight and it sounded like he was with someone in the background so i assumed he was at school still," I stand up now, starting to pace around my room.
"He answered you?" Jeremiah asks.
"Yeah he said he couldn't speak because it was late than hung up because he was getting another call. That's all," I say smiling sadly even though he couldn't see me.
"He hasn't been answering me since yesterday too."
"I mean, isn't he in the middle of finals? Maybe he pulled an all-nighter at the library."
"No i don't think so. Apparently he told his roommate that everything is fucked, and then he just took off. I think i'm gonna go to Brown in the morning and see if i can track him down," Jeremiah says before stopping for a few seconds, "Can you come with me please?"
"Of course Jere, I'll see you in the morning," I nod after.
"Alright Stell, i'm sure he's fine. Please don't stress yourself out okay? Goodnight love you," Jeremiah says.
"I'll try Jere, love you too." I say before he says a quick bye before hanging up.
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄˗ ˏ ˋ ˎ ˊ ˗
so sorry for not updating but here's an extra long chapter to make up for it!!
[ don't forget to vote and comment! ]
NEW OC ! ⎯ KHAI JACOBS
( oscar piastri )