When will I learn that I'm not living a fucking fairy tale?
I'm so fucking stupid.
I tread carefully while walking to my seat, scared that one little bump will break down the dam that's preventing the water from leaking past my eyes.
The whispers I had tuned out all morning now blast through the speakers and they won't shut up.
They follow me all the way to my seat and don't stop, even through the history lesson Mrs. Lee is trying to present.
Why am I so upset?
Why am I letting this one boy wreak havoc on my emotions?
Why did I have to start liking him?
The bell can't ring fast enough, but when it finally does, I make it a point to put my things away slowly. I could run and bolt to my car, but I'm tired of running.
I just want to bathe in the joy of walking a deserted hallway.
With an impatient stare from Mrs. Lee, I walk out the door and make a direct turn towards my car. There are still some students lingering, but, for the most part, everyone is gone.
I have pushed back, to the deepest confinements of my brain, the image of Heather and Ian. I know the second it reaches the surface I will be a blubbering mess. And I can't do that.
At least not until I make it home.
"August!"
The second I hear his voice something in my chest tells me to stop, but luckily my feet don't listen.
Please go away.
"August!"
The slight pressure on my wrist finally convinces my feet to stop and look at the boy who unknowingly shattered the only piece of me I was beginning to like.
He retreats his hand the second I turn to look at him. "We need to talk."
"We don't."
"Are you really gonna start giving me the silent treatment?" He asks, the lines on his forehead growing deeper the longer he looks at me. The cuts I cleaned Friday are practically gone, except for the one above his eyebrow that is beginning to scab.
But, even with the cuts and bruises he manages to look perfect. If anything, it completes his bad boy persona.
"You were the one who started with the silent treatment, you couldn't even text me back." I say, trying to keep my voice from rising.
"You didn't text me."
"Yes I- you know what, it doesn't even matter." I try to move past him, but he blocks me before I get the chance.
I take a step back, not overly joyed about our current proximity. What had begun to feel like my comfort zone is now filled with toxic air.
He rubs his hand down his face. "They broke up. That was the whole idea. Why are you so angry?"
"I'm not angry!" I say, ignoring the fact I wanted to keep my voice on a low setting. "I get it! They broke up. But, why Heather? I thought-"
"Did you really think I was going to stick around for you to drop me?" He cuts me off before giving me the chance to finish. "You still have feelings for Aiden."
I bite my lip, thankful for the interruption. What could I do? Profess my feelings for the person standing in front of me, even though he clearly doesn't feel the same way. "Is that really what that was? Hurt me before I hurt you?"
"I never meant to hurt you. I just think-"
"Less time invested, means less hurt?" I finished for him. "I think I've heard that before."
I turn away from him and start walking again.
I can't do this.
This time he doesn't try to stop me and I don't know if that somehow hurts more.
I keep pulling knives out of my back and, frankly, I'm getting tired of the blood I'm forced to spill.
If he wants to stick his tongue inside the she-devils mouth, then I just hope he pulls it out before the venom does too much damage.
I'm done.