The calm. The before. The storm.
The calm before the storm.
She was my storm.
I was hers.
Through the chaos, and the hurt and the harms, and everything in between, I was just a girl. She was just a girl.
"Do you- um- do you still love me?" Leah asked, looking down at the ground.
"What do you think?" I said, slightly laughing. I moved closer to her, wanting to pour even more of my heart into the person that stood in front of me.
"Well, I don't know," she replied, not looking at me. "I'm broken. I am sad, like all the time. I feel- the world isn't... I'm just not the same girl I was a month ago." I brought her chin to look up at me, her sadness fueling my heart.
"I don't care. You're still my Leah. That's all I care about." She looked away, tears slightly falling from her face.
"I'm a different Leah," she answered. This conversation scared me. She scared me. I had no idea where she was going with this. Was this a declaration of everything or nothing?
"Not to me," I responded. She took a step back; her body moved further from mine even though I wanted anything but.
"I love you, Leah," I said this so solemnly, and with so much heart that I hoped this would sway her. I hoped she would see my love pouring through my veins, and running towards my heart.
"I- I- I'm scared," she soon said, turning away and walking towards the exit.
"Stop, stop," I shouted, running after her. "Stop trying to find a problem here. Leah, I love you. You love me. What more is there?" She didn't have a response.
"I don't know."
"See, this is inevitable, Leah. You and me. We are inevitable. You can't ignore it. You can try, but it won't work." I grabbed her hand, and held it tight, my other going towards her cheek to wipe the small tear that trickled down it.
"I don't know what to do," she soon said.
"About what?" I asked.
"Everything," she replied. "My knee. My teams. You."
"We do this together, okay? Everything we do together." I wrapped my two arms around her waist bringing her into my body. I felt the warmth of her skin against the coldness of my own.
Hot and cold.
Yin and Yang.
Leah and Tippah.
A Few Weeks Later
It was the final day of the WSL.
We would be finishing third, no matter the result today. Leah had had her surgery, and I was back in our apartment (finally). It felt like things were finally looking up. Caitlin had also moved in, bunking with us since her break up with Lia. Despite Leah's allegiance to Wally, they've been keeping civil. Just like how Cait and Wally were caught up in Leah and my break up, we are caught in there's.
It was all getting quite messy, and Leah I vowed to stay out of it. It wasn't our place, as we both would say.
Come the final day, we were up against Aston Villa. Third place was guaranteed, and due to our injury crisis, we knew it was best to take this game easy, which was a weird feeling going into the match.
Normally there is pressure to win every game, but with the Champions League secured for next season, there was nothing else to fight for in the League.
All we had left was the final; the final of the Champions League.
That was the most important.
We lost the game against Aston Villa, which was disappointing. It wasn't great preparation going into the final, but we knew that our health was more important. As long as no one else got injured, we were happy.
"How's Ibiza planning going?" I asked Caitlin, as we sat together.
"Not sure," she replied. "Ask Katie." I looked over to McCabe who was untucking her red shirt from her shorts.
"What's going on between you two?" I asked Caitlin, nonchalantly.
"What? Sorry? Nothing! Huh?" Caitlin replied, hastily.
"Jeez, I didn't mean like that! But... is there something?" I asked, so confused, and very much not in the know.
"No, no, nothing," Caitlin replied. At this point, we were both walking out of the locker room, about to drive back to my apartment.
"Girl... you're lying."
"I just- she broke up with Rue. It's- It's new, and probably nothing."
"Oh my god. Life- I can't. This is so interesting!"
"Keep this to yourself, please?" Cait asked.
"Yeah of course. But, wait, Ibiza. Why am I coming now?"
"Well, Jords is going to be there," Cait replied.
"Girl, I cannot go on a holiday with you and Katie together, and then Jordan... like think about it."
"Invite Leah?" Cait asked.
"Girl! I cannot. That would be too awkward."
"Oh, right. Forgot about that," Caitlin replied, laughing.
"Yeah, you're such a dumbo."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I may just pass on the trip now, Cait. You guys will have a lot of fun, without me!"
"You sure?" Cait asked.
"I'll be okay. I promise."
The next week was spent preparing for the final. We would travel to Eindhoven in a few days, as the game would be played in the Netherlands. Eden told me she was with Jill's family in Holland, and would make the trip across to watch. I was thankful to have at least one family member there with me. It was nice to feel wanted by my 'real' family, even though I knew my real family would never be with those whom I received my name or blood from.
Leah would also be there (obviously). She was a few weeks post-op now and was finding more purpose in life than before. It used to be football, football and more football, but now, she knows there is more than that. There is fun to be had without having to run around a pitch with a ball at your feet.
"Do you think you'll come out to Australia?" I asked her, as we lay in bed the night before we were going off to Holland.
"I don't know," she replied. "I have lots of physio stuff I have to do and Australia is a fair way away."
"I know... what if I make the final?" I asked, longingly.
"Maybe."
"Alright, that's better than no," I laughed.
"If either you or England make the final, no doubt I'll be there!"
"Okay, I'll take that as a win."
We flew across the Channel the next day. Leah came with us, on the chartered flight. She sat beside me and held my hand throughout it all.
It would be the biggest game yet. It would be the biggest of the season.
And of my career. Yes, I have already won a Champions League with Lyon, but winning it with Arsenal would mean more.
They are my family.
Lyon never truly was.
This team has my heart and every fiber of my body feels as if it belongs to this team. I love them.
I always would.
As we arrived in Eindhoven, we drove past the stadium. It was a mild size compared to what we were used to with Wembley and even the Emirates, but we knew it was better than nothing. We hoped one day we would play in the bigger stadiums for finals like these, but sometimes you just have to be okay with what you have been given.
Although we knew we wouldn't be okay for long. There was always room for fight.
After spending the evening at the stadium, testing the feel for it, it was soon time to get some sleep, as we needed to be rested for the next morning.
As I was about to shut my eyes, I had a text.
Ellie: good luck, for tomorrow. You've got this.
Tipps: thanks ells. See u in aus?
Ellie: see u in aus ;)
I fell asleep peacefully knowing everything was settled. Well, almost everything.
24 hours later
We lined up.
We kicked off.
We played.
Us against them.
Arsenal against Barcelona.
It was the match-up of dreams. Everything we had wished for.
But the start was not the one we wanted.
Barcelona scored a goal early.
Then another.
They were two goals up before the half even ended.
It was as if we were startled. The world felt as if it was falling apart.
But I knew there was more than this. We would not end like this. Our dreams would not end like this. It was time to have a little magic.
Sure, I was once the villain. I was the person all were rooting against, but now, now I wanted to be the hero. I wanted to be the savior.
It could happen.
Come the second half, we had a fire. Leah gave a heartfelt speech in the locker room and we all felt something change within us.
We scored three minutes into the second half.
Frida chipped the ball in from the wing, and as I ran into the box, I got my foot on the end. As it smashed the back of the net, I ran to collect the ball, wanting to restart play as soon as possible.
Then, only two minutes later, I got my brace. Katie passed it through to Steph, who crossed it into the box. I got my head to it, after it was fumbled in the box by the Barcelona keeper.
It was 2-2.
We kept pushing, and although I knew we were all starting to fatigue, we had got too close to stop now.
Barcelona was fading, and it was time we show who is the best team in Europe. Despite everything we went through, we could do it. We could be the Champions of the continent.
In the 70th minute, we score. Stina gets us ahead. It was all too perfect.
The last 20 minutes felt as if they were agony. Too slow. Too much pressure, but all of it was absorbed.
And come the 90+6th minute, we had won.
We had done it.
It all felt too perfect.
Too real. Too raw.
As we all crashed together after the final whistle, I saw Leah walking onto the pitch. I ran up to her, not wanting to jump on her (because of her knee) but falling into her so that she needed both arms and Beth behind her to not fall over.
"We did it!" I screamed at the four girls now in the ACL club (as Laura had done hers as well).
"You did it," Leah whispered. "You are a miracle!" I smiled at her before the rest of the girls all came over.
As I looked into the crowd, I saw something unexpected.
Eden was there, waving over at me. But beside her... beside her was something I had dreamt of, for so long.
"Oh my god," I said, running over. Bindi was there. My oldest sister was there. She had her children beside her, and as I climbed over the barricades, I went to my sisters, hugging them both.
"I can't believe you're both here," I squealed.
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Bindi said. "I am so utterly proud of you, my little sister."
"Me too!" Eden added. "You truly are the best of us."
I hugged them both once more, as I felt photographers take pictures of this moment.
This, right here, was what I lived for. I lived for the people I loved.
Even though it wasn't always like this, I hoped this would be what it would always be like. Me and my sister. My true sisters. Bindi and Eden. The one who flew halfway across the world just to support me and the other who's only ever a text away.
This would be the life, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
We soon received our medals, and as it was placed around my neck, the weight was, for once, loveable. I liked feeling brought down, as it was only ever going to bring me up.
I posted a few photos on my Instagram. The first was of the team trophy lift, in which Leah and Wally lifted it high into the air. The second was of me and Leah smiling, the medals around our necks. Each of our injured crew got their medals, as they got us here just as much as the non-injured girls did. The final was of me hugging my sisters.
Tippsjonesy: for those who said we couldn't, we could. For those who didn't believe, we believed. For those who have always loved this club, we did this for you. Thank u: my sisters, my teammates, my friends. I love you all.
Stephcately: EESHHH we did itttt
Leahwilliamsonn: I AM SO PROUD OF U!
Bethmead_: our lil brace girl
Viviannemiedema: ur a star
Samanthakerr20: SO GOOD!
Jillroord: congrats!!
Elliecarpenterr: u deserve this tippah! So proud of u!
A few days later
The season was now officially over, and I had one final decision to make: my future.
I had a few days before I was to leave for a quick holiday with Leah before heading across to Australia with Caitlin and Steph. In those days, I went back to London Colney to decide my future, with Jonas.
"Look, we want you," Jonas said. "Of course we want you. You performed exactly how I thought you would. You were consistent. You were reliable. You were great. Now, what do you say? Two more years?" I looked at him, smiling.
"Two more years?" I asked.
"Yes, and we'll even throw in a little incentive as well..." Jonas said, smiling a cheeky grin.
"What's that?" I asked.
"How do you feel about changing your number? Say, to the 8?" I looked at him, smiling a grin so wide I thought my mouth would get stuck.
"That would- how could I say no?
Arsenalwfc: well well well we have some news. Our lil Aussie is here to stay. Home with where the heart is, and Tipps heart was found here.
Tippsjonesy: always
note:
- two days in a row... ur a lucky bunch!!
- I forgot to mention the plan yesterday. so I plan to finish this BEFORE continuing This Is Me Trying. Once TIMT is complete, I will then announce the new story... MILA's wooohooo
- I have actually planned TIMT too so hopefully all goes accordingly.
- anyways, if all goes according to plan hopefully the winner of the world cup in this story mimics the winner of the world cup irl (cough cough tillies pls win)
- I also did change the winner of the champions league cause I'm sick of barca winning everything and idk I just wanted my story to be happy for once hehe