Changes

Changes

That day I cried because I was hurting

It had been a bad day. He was feeling like he shouldn't be here, shouldn't exist. He was a waste of space and Seungmin wasn't picking up. This was after Hyunjin had left him in a huff to schmooze his campaigners which he really didn't want to see.

Hyunjin had been side-lined as they were in public and it chiselled at his confidence. He knew how he looked but he didn't think that was enough.

Seungmin was sweet in private; the best partner he could ask for but in public he had to keep appearances. He'd worked hard to get where he was and Hyunjin got it but it doesn't mean that he liked it both for himself, Seungmin and their relationship. He knew that deep down Seungmin wasn't happy either, he just held it together better than Hyunjin who was always on edge.

Hyunjin was on edge but he tried not to hurt himself; he really did. It wasn't intentional. No really. He was feeling like he didn't matter, like Seungmin won't mind if he was gone. Like it would solve his problems and his parents won't have a son to be ashamed of anymore.

He knew that at least Seungmin would miss him because of past...episodes. So in his quest to distract himself while Seungmin was away he went for a walk...and got stung by something that caused a serious allergic reaction. So serious that several passerby stopped to help him and called an ambulance for him.

For a second, he wanted to stop them. He was an artist and sometimes a model to make ends meet. He certainly couldn't afford the hospital; Seungmin would have to pay because his own parents won't. He didn't want to be a burden; best he expires right there. It wouldn't be a bad end surrounded by nature in a park – fitting for him and poeticly back to the ground as it was natural. His only regret would be not saying a proper goodbye to Seungmin. His friends probably won't mind too much; they had each other to lean on. Hyunjin was dependable but he was stuck in his own head too much these days so they tended not to confide in him, knowing he was a bit fragile.

He had difficulty breathing so in the end, he went to hospital whether he liked it or not because he couldn't exactly speak or throw a tantrum to convince them not to take him.

That day I was happy

When he came to it, he was in a hospital bed in a bright room. He wasn't confused for long; this had happened other times. He was alone only for a few minutes and when his eyes adjusted to the brightness, the door to his room burst open.

When he saw Seungmin in his smart suit looking frazzled he immediately felt guilty. He'd put him out of his way and made him cut his engagement short. He felt happy too however; that Seungmin had chosen to be here and that he managed to see him.

Hospitals were always tricky to navigate.

'Are you family?' they would ask and how could they explain that yes, they were - in feelings only though. They hadn't gotten legally married while studying and working abroad; Seungmin had had plans and if voters got to know that a future politician was married to a man even though it would not be recognised in Korea...he won't be elected. When he was elected, the fear remained so they had a ceremony between them and a handful of friends in the States but it wasn't legal.

Hyunjin's heart had been full and he'd been happy however. Despite everything, Seungmin had wanted to be with him. It hadn't been the happiest day of his life; he hoped that was still to come. If he had to choose a day so far, it would be the one where he'd sold his first painting which was the same day that Seungmin asked him seriously to be his boyfriend. He'd felt achieved in all aspects of his life that day; nothing close to the dread he navigated life with these days.

"Oh thank heavens!" Seungmin exclaimed. Seungmin did not believe in God. "Are you...was it...how can I...?"

"Relax" he told him, rubbing his head in the pillow and knowing full well that Seungmin won't relax until he explained. "I got bit by something. It was an allergic reaction. I didn't try to kill myself again Seungmin."

Seungmin's frown could compete with some of the Moon's craters. "Don't be so crass with your words! I was worried!"

Seungmin would have gotten the call because on his phone and on his medical records, he was listed as an emergency contact. The only emergency contact so the hospital had no choice but to call him. One time, they had frowned and unethically didn't call him until the next day...he hadn't told Seungmin that in order not to worry him. What could he have done anyway? He didn't want him to pull any strings that would reflect badly on both of them. He'd probably call for the staff's resignation and make the private matter public which they avoided at all costs.

He also didn't want to hear the usual lie that Seungmin told. 'We're childhood friends. Very good friends. His parents are old and sick and so it's best I'm the next of kin.'. They weren't childhood friends and they've never been only friends and his parents weren't sick though yes, a bit old but the reason why they would hang up the phone if it was about him was that they had disowned him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He really hadn't meant to worry the other. "I'm sorry you had to rush here and cut your campaigning event short. I know it's important for you to start well ahead of the next elections."

Seungmin had made it to the national assembly through the first-past-the-post procedure. Hyunjin had been so proud...but he knew their life would change drastically then. At least Seungmin's parents hadn't disowned him. They just didn't want to see Hyunjin neither in public nor in private. Even Seungmin's sister kept away from him like he was the plague but at least she had come to their ceremony and she tried to visit once a year during a holiday although she never stayed for more than an hour no matter which appetising dishes Hyunjin had slaved over for an entire day before.

Seungmin grabbed his hand. "I don't care about that. I'm just glad you're okay."

He swallowed. He believed the other meant it but he really shouldn't. He was a mess; which part of it attracted Seungmin still to him? Was it just the memories?

"I'm okay now. They got me on medicine...I think. I can just discharge myself when I'm a bit better. You can go and salvage the event." He'll discharge himself soon and hope the charges won't be too much; that he'll be able to cover them with his savings. Maybe he'll paint a few more nudes; they usually sold better. Maybe he'll make them self-portraits and say so...those usually sold the best even though he tried to artistically obfuscate parts he didn't want everyone to see and it would embarrass Seungmin if those paintings were exhibited.

Seungmin snorted. "Yeah no. I'm staying right here. Hyeonbin will manage the event just fine."

Hyeonbin was Seungmin's assistant. He knew about them because once he walked in on them kissing; from then on, he stopped hitting on Seungmin and Hyunjin had been elated.

A clumsy meeting and breakup, a complex whisper of feelings

The kiss he'd walked in on was at least sweet. They had broken up for a week after one of Hyunjin's explosive tirades. He'd sought therapy then but he didn't seek out Seungmin; he thought the other was better off without him and in any case, he had been hurt that Seungmin was always pushing him to the side when they had been each other's rock for so long. Seungmin had been the one to approach him; he'd asked him to reconsider. He'd said he'd go to therapy on his own too and even offered couple's therapy which Hyunjin immediately refuted. Seungmin was a public person; the therapist would have to sign an agreement but they couldn't trust they won't blab despite patient confidentiality. In fact, Hyunjin was surprised that he never had to sign such an agreement himself.

He knew that Seungmin trusted him, but that much? And because he trusted him, he had said no to the meeting at first but Seungmin had begged and begged.

'Kkami misses you' had felt like emotional blackmail but he found it to be true when he gave in and visited the other at work. Kkami was technically his dog originally but he'd known Seungmin since the beginning and when he had moved out – for all of four days since it took a while to pack – he had told Seungmin it was best that he stayed with him. A politician's dog was more pampered than an artist's, he'd thought but he had failed to realise that Seungmin wouldn't have as much time to stay with him that Hyunjin usually did although at least they both went on walks.

"Please, give me another chance. I swear I'll do better. I have a public engagement in two days. We can go together. I'm sorry but I can't tell them we're together but you can attend as my guest at least?"

Seungmin had looked like a very sad dog and he'd given in immediately. They had kissed to seal the deal. It felt more important than a signed contract or certificate and Hyeonbin knowing was just the cherry on the cake.

He'd been appointed by Seungmin precisely because he was open-minded (and he was admittedly top-notch at his job) but he'd perhaps misunderstood Seungmin's admiration for interest. Hyunjin knew that Seungmin wasn't interested in him; he can always tell if the other held some interest.

At least, they discussed these things together. With therapy, separately, they learned to love better; healthier.

So we will learn love

But the situation was still the same. Seungmin was still a politician and Hyunjin felt like his dirty secret.

Sometimes he had to lick his own wounds; the hurt from being ignored and unacknowledged. Those were the compromises he settled on to be with the love of his life. 'And besides, even if I found a man who'll show me in the light of the day, we still live in a stifling country' he tried to reason with himself. It had been slightly better when they lived in the States and no one knew who they were and who they would become but even there, they had held a tight lid on their relationship in public.

Hyunjin often dreamt of openness. He sometimes woke with tears in his eyes and a wish in his heart.

He wished for them to be public and he wished for Seungmin to be happy because politics clearly didn't make him happy.

Seungmin, like him, was an artist but one who stifled his creativity and let it out only in certain moments like when he fucked Hyunjin so creatively that Hyunjin was inspired with something holy or when he forwent sleep to write, write, write.

Hyunjin, as another artistic soul both admired his control and pitied his lack of freedom. He wished to help and he probably did because he was an outlet for Seungmin's artistry...but his career path had been Seungmin's choice and he was the one who needed to change tracks.

Open your eyes now, fly

A brightly shining light

When the wounds heal

Can we grow?

He thought often about their future. Did they have one together?

As Seungmin slept in uncomfortable hospital chairs time and time again just to be with him, he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. If he had Seungmin next to him, he could be stronger.

Maybe one day he'll stop feeling resentment and they could heal together. Maybe Seungmin would stop being so scared of the world and for Hyunjin and they could be better.

Not that they didn't openly discuss those topics; they did – it was part of their therapy and they had always been open at least with each other. Seungmin knew he didn't like this life but what choice did they have? After a few years of it, he'd clammed up. Why bother saying 'Please Seungmin can you be with me? Can you be more affectionate in public? I need it.' if nothing would come of it and he'll only become more disappointed?

It hurt but Seungmin's love itself was the balm he needed; despite it being also what hurt him.

He only stayed one day in hospital, thankfully and then he was told how to minimise the allergic reaction and he was sent home.

"I'll take a day off." Seungmin told him as he helped him get in the car in the underground carpark. Always an underground carpark. They never parked on the street if they could help it or they'll be spotted. Not that they could be affectionate in there apart from a few hand touches; there were cameras and you never know who's watching or who can request access. Seungmin wasn't 'famous' but he was known especially in this area of Seoul since he represented it and often appeared on TV. Hyunjin always made sure to watch because he needed to know what Seungmin was advocating for so he won't make a gaffe in public. It helped that he also though that Seungmin looked really handsome and confident. Their lives weren't always bleak; Hyunjin would stand that. Sometimes, when Seungmin returned home after a televised public appearance that left Hyunjin out of breath – for his smarts and his looks, well...they had a great sex life.

We are free now

When they had sex, everything felt so liberating.

Seungmin wouldn't touch him for fear of hurting him for two days after the incident.

"For god's sake Seungmin! I have a safeword! If it hurts, I'll let you know. Now please won't you please fuck me or do I have to beg...because I can do that and I'll be good at it!" he said, exasperated after a dry spell of three days.

"But I don't want to hurt you!"

"But I want you to hurt me!" he replied and Seungmin, thankfully, was only frazzled for a moment before his face changed.

"Is that so? Little slut wants to be hurt?"

Hyunjin smiled. "Yes. Your little slut is begging, gagging for it. What are you going to do about it?"

He knew that challenging the other was a sure way to get what he wanted and more. He loved seeing Seungmin like this; he was tight-laced in public and here too he had control but it was frantic and more liberating. He had control over himself and Hyunjin while in public, the mass controlled his every action.

He loved seeing Seungmin in a way that no one else did. Just like he loved seeing the first draft of whatever he was writing. Hyunjin was his intermediary in the writing world since the other wrote under a pseudonym and did not appear in public during his own events at least with his whole face uncovered; it was often Hyunjin who attended meetings. He was a visual artist but sometimes he wrote poetry and so, he'd became Seungmin's agent. His favourite piece of work was the joint poetry and prose anthology they'd released on each other without no one knowing it was about that. It had even sold well, deemed as a true romantic work.

Hyunjin was also Seungmin's intermediary here. He was his subjugate and he enabled Seungmin's freedom as he sought his own. He didn't have to think on his every move here; Seungmin would guide him. Would demand. Would sometimes simply arrange him as he desired as if Hyunjin was a doll.

"Okay little slut. Lie down on the bed and open your mouth. I'm going to feed you your favourite meal."

He wiped the grin after only a second but he still felt that same elation. Seungmin was as expected, gentler than usual and they didn't do too straining positions. His leg which had gotten stung stayed elevated like the doctors had suggested but he still got fucked like he wanted. Not to say they didn't do it often but they didn't do it as often as Hyunjin desired because preparation took long and they were often tired so they did other activities that excluded penetration. It felt great being wanted and known so much that Seungmin knew just where to press and what to say and it went both ways.

I'll hashtag it, love story

While unconventional, theirs was a love story. He wished he could share it with the world but unfortunately that was not possible.

They'd both studied in America.

Hyunjin majored in fine arts while he also took an evening course in interior designing; both as a plan b and out of curiosity. It did help make their future homes look both cosy and professional.

Seungmin majored in political science – no surprise there but he minored in literature. He'd told his parents that literature would give him a better understanding of politics and the world but honestly he just loved the world of books and he took as many electives in creative writing as possible.

How they met was...quite peculiar and definitely memorable.

Since they both ran in artistic circles, with New York serving as a backdrop, it was inevitable for them to have common friends.

Hyunjin shared his apartment with four others: Jisung a music major, Minho a dance major who somehow got Hyunjin to let go and start dancing in his studio, Changbin another music major and Hyunjin's 'son' Jeongin another music major. Suffice to say their apartment was cramped and very vocally talented; showers weren't just showers but whole concerts which would explain their water bill.

They couldn't afford living on their own or even with just one roommate; Changbin came from a rich family but they had disowned him too for, among other things, pursuing contemporary music rather than classical. They were all from Korea too, so when Jisung had put out an advert they had all responded and they had connected enough to not kill each other and perhaps provide an alibi should one of them snap and kill someone outside their apartment conglomerate.

Jisung, in his quest to improve his lyrics writing game took a few creative writing courses outside of his department...which is where he met Seungmin. He'd heard of him before he even met him but one day, Jisung had double-booked himself and then promptly forgot about both engagements so there were Hyunjin and Seungmin, frustrated and speed walking in their quad from two different directions when they both spotted their target: one Han Jisung who was about to get it.

"Han Jisung!" they both shouted at the same time, never getting used to using the given name first the American way.

They startled themselves and looked up at each other seeing beauty. They gasped and then they laughed at Jisung who had fallen on the ground.

Seungmin had by-passed Jisung completely and came to him.

"Hi. Long hair and beautiful with a fast pace. You must be Hwang Hyunjin?" he asked in a voice that deserved its spotlight in the music department.

He blushed, not used to attention so straightforward...and so wanted. He did receive looks but usually people were too intimated to talk to him which was weird because he'd like to think of himself as a cutie.

"Ye-yes. That's me. Um, tall with great hair and very straight-forward? You must be Kim Seungmin." He smiled as they bowed and then shook hands, using both cultures to show respect to each other.

All they've had was Jisung's descriptions of the other but somehow they immediately knew who the other was.

Kim Seungmin did not live in an apartment with four others. He lived on his own which expedited their relationship. It wasn't even two days after they met that Seungmin didn't ask him on a date. A week later they were official and exclusive to the backdrop of the student exhibition which had seen his first sale.

There wasn't a time where he doubted their relationship and commitment to each other but politics was a dirty game and society had expectations. He still didn't doubt but after five years together in New York, Seungmin had wanted to move back to Seoul and he'd of course followed. The sadness was there before but now it showed its ugly face more. He felt so isolated but he did try to integrate.

He knew Seungmin loved him and that he cared but Seungmin also loved what people thought of him and he was afraid of making him choose. In case he was the one that lost. Or in case Seungmin lost a part of himself because of him.

The moment my heart runs

Not gonna lie, lie, lie

I want to hear it, now, now, say you love me

He tended to be lost in moments of pure romanticism sometimes. They helped him cope with the urge to kill himself or maybe made it worse as they gave him unattainable expectations but he didn't always want to live bleakly and meekly. At least in his head they had a happy life. Not to say their life wasn't happy...but it was only happy behind private walls.

He longed for Seungmin to tell more people that he loved him but so few people knew. Hyunjin's old roommates knew because the walls were thin for all the rent they paid and their mouths tended to blab but fortunately no one expects their group. There was Seungmin's best friend, Felix Lee ex-business major and their hyung from general studies Bang Chan who they had randomly met at a party and upon realising that both him and Felix were Korean-Australian, he took them under his wing which they needed as they navigated University.

Hyunjin had made some artist friends at the studio and he suspected that they knew. Jisu kept giving him looks and asking him why he needed to constantly dress up after finishing his studio time just to meet Seungmin.

"It must be new love!" Yuna has said with clasped hands and starry eyes, as romantic as Hyunjin felt sometimes but all the time.

Yeji had snorted without looking from her clay piece.

"They've been together for ten years. That's not new love, that's old love; ancient love."

How she had known, he had no idea. Maybe she'd gone hunting on their old socials? Hyunjin rarely used it anymore because Seungmin was paranoid. Now he only posted art in forms of his painting, nature photography and their dog. Seungmin didn't even post about the dog, so afraid of people making the connection.

He trusted his studio friends to keep it to themselves. They promised him.

So yes, only a handful of people knew and through the years, they increased and they could count them on both of their hands but not more.

He dreamed of a future together, away from this land that felt like a precipice all the time.

When I see you drippin'

I keep dreaming and dreaming

I just wanna take ya, your love, yeah

I'm wishing for you, come closer, yeah

He didn't want to fall. Not for Seungmin; that was a battle had hadn't tried to fight and it was long lost anyway but he didn't want to fall out of love and life. It was ironic, because he was suicidal sometimes but he resisted; that was a long battle which he tried his best in to come out alive of if not win. He didn't want to not live well and on his terms and he didn't want to lose Seungmin to his cruel world.

Politics wasn't for him.

He was good at it but it was too dirty and too power-focused rather than people-focused and while Seungmin tried his best sometimes he let people down which killed him inside. Quite a living-dead pair they were; Zombies in this world but at least they supported each other.

They supported each other by showing up at each other's events in person...even though sometimes they left early. It did leave some bitter feelings but not as much as if they weren't there. They understood where the other stood. Seungmin knew that he was reaching his wits end with the other's political career and Hyunjin knew that while he supported him and was the first to compliment and buy from him, Seungmin was scared that Hyunjin wouldn't be able to support himself through his art which is why he worked harder to have more income and it made Hyunjin feel both grateful and bitter. Him being the cause for Seungmin's increasing job dissatisfaction wasn't a proud achievement BUT he knew that Seungmin himself and his family were the ones that pressured Seungmin into politics in the first place. He may have climbed the ladder for both of them but he'd entered willingly if not without much passion.

They supported each other in quiet moments, making sure the other ate and rested well.

After ten years it became a routine to do small things for the other but they still had to actively try to learn and relearn the other as they both changed and showed their love in increasingly different ways.

One thing that remained constant was...their kinky sex which wasn't the only kind of sex they had but which they both cherished. They could be so open and free with each other.

He didn't like being hurt in their usual life...but in the bedroom it was okay. It kept their communication really sharp and clear and it was an exercise that helped them trust, grow and stay together. Seungmin had his shit together but he was also free to do as he pleased unlike the tight-laced, people-pleaser he was in everyday life and Hyunjin could feel loved and cherished while exploring himself by subbing.

Hate me, hurt me, love me

Me shining in your eyes

Me shining in your eyes coming closer, I'm feeling on my heart

Keep going, keep accelerating, we are forever

He got a text from one Han Jisung saying he was visiting and cheekily asking if he could stay with them.

'Accommodation prices in Seoul are no match for a music lyricist's salary' he'd texted Hyunjin who had a harder time saying no to his old roommate...having been there himself.

Truthfully, Seoul was no match for the salary of an artist. Rarely, he could afford it on his own merit after a big sale or a big event which actually paid him or after he gave in and agreed to model – both for art and fashion - but usually he depended on Seungmin. He tried to make up for it by taking more of his share of cleaning and cooking but Seungmin always told him that he didn't mind, that if he was on his own, he'd pay the same rent anyway and it was nice that Hyunjin contributed what he could. Never mind that that saving usually was then spent on treating Hyunjin to a nice meal in a quiet, unpopular but good restaurant.

They've lived together for nearly ten years now...right after they met he started hanging out at Seungmin's apartment and a few months later, he had officially moved though he still visited his old apartment to hang out with his friends.

He was reminded of how nice they were...so he said yes.

He'd forgotten with the distance (though the texts should have clued him in) just how annoying Jisung could be.

Right after hugging him at the airport - looking less frazzled than the lengthy flight should have had him in - Jisung took Hyunjin's hand in his. At first, Hyunjin was pleased. At least in Korea they could hold hands and no one would think it was anything but friendly unlike in the States although they were a bit too grown up for it but still if anyone commented they could honestly say they were just friends which it would break his heart to say the same thing with Seungmin and he loved physical affection but then Jisung had to open his big mouth.

"No new ring on it yet? It's been ten years Jinnie."

Hyunjin sighed and took back his hand.

"Not every couple has to get married that's very heteronormative. Anyway I don't have to show our commitment by wearing a ring. We know the promises we've made to each other." Ironically, Hyunjin did have a commitment ring and he usually wore it but lately he'd been feeling raw and chose to keep it off his finger after the hospital had removed it.

Jisung knew some of those promises, he'd been Hyunjin's unofficial co-witness in their unofficial commitment ceremony which had actually been Seungmin's idea. He'd probably seen how Hyunjin would melt in proposal scenes during dramas and would paint increasingly romantic scenes after they got serious.

'I don't want to lose you for that which I can't offer you but I can offer you this; my commitment to you. Do you want to be my partner for life?' Seungmin had asked and that had been better than a proposal because it was real for them.

"Still. I hate how you're so repressed here."

Jisung...wasn't wrong. He had to repress his emotions because people didn't like how much he showed and he had to repress himself. Containing all his love inside while in public should earn him a world record because he felt like he had so much of it so where did it fit inside him to not burst out?

"Jisung...if you're going to be like this perhaps it's best if you don't see Seungminnie. I don't want you to upset him. He does try his best. It's just he's stuck in a difficult situation."

Seungmin would be publically lynched as a politician if his sexuality and relationship came out. Korea accepted a lot of faults in politicians but never that. Some entertainers survived and Hyunjin made sure to see them and support them but entertainers were a different breed. They were seen as a comic relief; not to be taken seriously.

"Hey no! I want to see my other bestie. Maybe get him to write me something and I have so many ideas to discuss with him!"

Jisung acted like they didn't see each other on video call at least once a month. They had maintained a good relationship and met often online and around once a year, they visited the others in New York where they had all conveniently stayed. Hyunjin felt lonely and it was on his insistence that they maintained the relationship so closely after so many years. He'd go crazy if he was alone; if he couldn't speak to people who knew. People who would call them 'lovebirds' and ask him where his 'husband' was. The artists at the studio were nice and sometimes they joked like that but it was more like they helped to take the edge off; he needed his best friends.

"Fine. We have to take the metro so I hope you're ready for the influx of people."

"I live in New York baby."

New York had nothing on Seoul but he'd let Jisung remember that on his own.

"Hey, why the bandages...did you...again?" Jisung asked gently once he saw them because he was so unlucky that the poison from the sting had spread from one leg to that whole side of his body. It had been hot in the metro and Hyunjin had bunched his sleeves up forgetting what was underneath and for once he wasn't ashamed of the bandages. They were just covering itchy patches which he had to remember not to scratch.

"No. It was funnily enough an allergic reaction. I was resisting...and then I took a walk to calm myself and an insect stung me."

Jisung let all the passengers know of his mirth thanks to his booming laughter. He had no trouble projecting his voice.

Jisung, after calming down, asked him if he wanted to talk about why he felt bad. He hesitated but then he dragged them out at their stop only to walk to a park, sit down and let the words out surrounded by Jisung's luggages.

Jisung brought with him other baggage. His words made Hyunjin reflect on all that he'd given up to be with Seungmin.

"Are you sure it's worth it?"

"Do you mean Seungmin?"

"Not only. This life you have with him. Is it enough Hyunjin? Because when you're with him, I can see you shining but when you're alone, you've lost all the polish."

Leave it to the lyricist to put it that way.

Don't mind the little fights

Just let them pass by

At the end of the day, we light fireworks

So how are we?

They didn't fight; not really. They had hot discussions about life and where they were heading and sometimes (only once really) they broke it off because it got too much but ultimately, Hyunjin had always known and been willing to compromise a lot to stay with the other who fit him so well. Seungmin does fit with him...it's his lifestyle that didn't because it didn't even fit Seungmin. He was good at it and he was bringing ethics to a dirty game but sometimes he still had to play that game. Seungmin was an artist trapped in a policymaker's body. It was ill fitting even though he wore the tailored clothes well; they were pinched and pinned on the inside only meant to look good from the front.

On the other hand, Hyunjin found himself fighting himself more and more. His mental health took a deep nose dive especially this past year.

Hyunjin saw it. He saw it; the end and he was consistently fighting it. He didn't want to leave Seungmin. Would Seungmin leave him though? There have been talks lately about Seungmin always being alone or 'in the company of friends; particularly one artist friend'. It was suspicious and if people suspected, they would drown Seungmin under their complaints, dragging him down with their heavy demands and expectations.

Maybe he needed courage to let go; they tried to make it work and fit and the frustrating thing was that they did and so easily. They made space for each other, supported each other to their best abilities. But there wasn't a Hyunjin shaped space in Seungmin's political career. Seungmin fought too, for him to be there from getting him invites to things he shouldn't be invited to, to consulting him and even letting him design some of his political posters although he was always careful with sensitive material and if Hyunjin was ever interrogated, he had plausible deniability.

But was he deadweight? It has been so long. If he kept his career, then he must actually want it if not like it? After so many years and plans of re-contesting, it wasn't just his family's wishes anymore.

A few words from Jisung and he'd made up his mind. It was awkward with their friend there but this way they'll have some support because they'll both need it and Hyunjin could hold himself accountable and back out less.

After their talk, Hyunjin led the way to their high-end but still private and not that flashy apartment. It wasn't the penthouse; they hadn't aimed that high.

"Um...I hate to throw you out but can you give us like an hour to talk?"

"Sure. I haven't been here in so long. I am actually looking forward to convenience store food!" Jisung happily told him.

Hyunjin scoffed. "Convenience store food?"

"What? Not fancy enough for you? Should we contact your personal chef?"

"I am the household's personal chef. I was going to cook something delicious but I guess you can have your convenience store food while we have 간장버터 닭구이." Hyunjin snubbed.

He will make something good; it will help cheer them up in their most sucky time and what best to cheer them up than chicken? And what best for him to digest than not spicy?

Seungmin is late; usually he lets him know when he is or Hyeonbin as his assistant does on his request but this time, there is no word from either of them.

He lets some time pass as he shows Jisung in-person what he'd been working on for the past year and then, when Jisung goes to shower and with the food approaching cooking time, he finally calls.

He's always nervous when calling; he knew he had a place in Seungmin's life because they had to chisel it in themselves but he always thought it wasn't the right time to call, that he'll disturb something more important or that the people Seungmin was surrounded by would question why he was always around and contacting him. He wasn't sure what Seungmin told them more than the few times he'd heard it from Seungmin's mouth directly. He didn't want to get hurt with the excuses although to be fair, the few times he'd heard all that Seungmin had said was that 'it's important' and 'it's Hyunjin, I need to take this' – no further explanations just the bare bones of the truth which built up a fleshier body.

"Hey sweetie." Seungmin answered cheerfully and rather romantically making it hard for him and his decision.

"This is no time for hey sweetie." He chided but his words carried his smile along with them.

"Oops, I'm late, aren't I? I apologise. I needed to buy something."

Oh? He wasn't even at work? Maybe he was buying groceries? For Seungmin, that was a novel experience as the task usually fell on Hyunjin. Was he checking the rate of inflation or something? Seungmin probably enjoyed going to a store to buy things like a normal person. Maybe he was getting ideas for his new novel because in his free time, he still wrote and published; under a pseudonym of course and much slower than he liked but then again...that was a normal thing for authors or at least from what he gathered from their artistic friends.

"Okay. Will you be later? Jisungie is here." He reminded him.

"Shoot! That explains why I had 'pain in the butt visiting' in my calendar. I thought it meant it's the one time a year we try with you on top."

Hyunjin snorted and removed the phone from his face so he could let out the guffaw that was necessary for that remark. Here was Seungmin, the Seungmin that he loved, making him reconsider. Perhaps...yes...a trial.

"Don't lie Seungmin. It's not becoming of your station. You know we do that less than once a year."

Was he flirting? Perhaps, but Seungmin was as good as his husband and if he couldn't flirt with him...then with who? It was worrying how often he'd taken to actually think of him as his husband...but legally or not he was. He couldn't think of a future where he found someone else to trade flirty remarks tinged with humour and arousal with.

"Mhm. It did appear strange. Want to do it more?" Seungmin hummed; his voice sounded so nice which was a compliment because most people sounded like quacking ducks over the phone.

"No thanks. I want that gorgeous cock of yours in me." He whispered.

"For god's sake! Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?" Jisung whined having stopped in his trudging to the kitchen and turning around making the other two giggle.

"I won't be long sweetheart, maybe half an hour more. I'm nearby."

So he probably was at the store near then.

"Okay. Dinner is almost ready. Bring me chocolate biscuits."

They will help with his mood when he felt like crying and they would help Seungmin's mood too although not as good as..."And bring matcha castella cake please."

"Wow. All that for Jisung's visit? It's not like we haven't seen him in the last ten years."

"Hurry up or I'll eat everything or worse, give all your food to Jisung. You won't see a single speck of rice."

"I'm coming. I'm coming!"

"That's what you said last night."

"And that's what I'll say tonight as well after I get my gorgeous cock in you. See you love."

Hyunjin felt guilty; even with the trial he had in mind, Seungmin would probably not tell him that tonight. Pity.

With food nearly finished, he tried to distract himself by finishing a piece but after nearly using the wrong colour one too many times, he decided to stop. It felt like a waste to clean his tools when he barely used them but it would be a bigger waste if he made a mistake that was hard to correct and had to be covered up and repainted. With the clock moving slowly and perhaps fifteen more anticipated minutes until he saw his partner again if he calculated the time from the grocery shop correctly, he occupied himself by dusting. Boring, systematic but needed. If he messed that up, it wasn't that big of a deal and he'll pass the cloth again. If he did it well, that was one chore off their list. Of course, while thinking that, he nearly dropped a crystal vase but he managed to grab it on time.

"So, I'll make myself scarce now. If Seungmin asks, tell him I was afraid of how ugly he's gotten and that I wanted to keep a prettier version of him in my memory." Jisung said as he strutted to the door with sunglasses and a bucket hat perfect to fit in.

"You saw him on camera a week ago! And Seungmin is always handsome! Even more now than before!" he defended although he couldn't help but laugh at Jisung's excuse.

"Yeah yeah, you're still whipped. Shouldn't he have been here already though?" he asked, now leaving the door handle and looking around as if Seungmin was hiding from him. He even looked at his smartwatch.

"He's late." He explained. Jisung could be quite smart. Evidently enough time had passed for him to be considered late.

"Ah. He forgot that time is a thing."

Hyunjin nodded. Seungmin was often late but usually he let him know; sometimes though time completely escaped him and he worried. Seungmin's assistant sometimes let him know to expect Seungmin later because Seungmin himself would be finishing something important or likely with someone important.

Seungmin kept his word like he often tried to (with various degrees of success) and soon he was there and Hyunjin found himself alone with Jisung already having left.

"Hey sweetie." Seungmin greeted him, briefcase in hand but soon abandoned on a chair so that he could come and greet him properly with a hug and kiss. "It's the right time for it now, right?"

Hyunjin hummed and he fell a little bit more. He greedily took all the kisses that came his way and initiated a few wet ones, leaving an imprint behind.

"Sit down, let's eat." He suggested. He didn't want the food to be wasted although it may soon sit heavy on the other's stomach.

"Oh, thank you for the food." Seungmin never failed to thank him; if it wasn't for Hyunjin, he'll be surviving on takeout but it's not like he can't afford it. It's Hyunjin that can't afford to eat out often at least with his own wallet. "Where's the nuisance?"

"He made himself scarce for an hour. You'll be seeing him soon. He told me to tell you it was to avoid your face but really, I asked him to give us some time. We'll leave some leftovers for him."

He couldn't look him in the eyes so he fidgeted with his food.

"Oh? Had plans did you?" Seungmin asked with a small smirk. "Me too."

Oh. Great. He was going to have to miss out on incredible sex because he'd finally made up his mind. Sort of. His mind wasn't made up hence why he will propose a trial.

"Finish your food." He said with a stern voice.

"Aye aye. I'll eat all my food and then I hope I can eat you."

Hyunjin groaned. Was Seungmin making it intentionally difficult? Why couldn't he be like his politician persona; caring but detached? Seungmin, in private, would focus so much on him that he felt like he could reach the stars but then in public, he could barely reach Seungmin's podium.

They didn't put each other on a pedestal most times; they knew he other's faults a bit too much, but in public, Seungmin played a role. Roles were all well and good; if it was only in play. Those were fun but the people they had to be in public weren't. It wasn't even just regulating their behaviour slightly so they're polite; they policed themselves so much it felt stifling.

He almost choked on his food; it was physically more dangerous than choking on his emotions but less emotionally traumatising.

Finally, they were done and he felt like he was about to burst; he couldn't do that. He needed to stay calm so he went to the bathroom to do the classic water-on-face thing which didn't help so he did it twice more and then it helped a bit.

He nervously approached the other; Seungmin did make him nervous countless times in the past but this one was different. He wasn't nervous because he thought that the other was hot. He was nervous because he wasn't sure how he was going to react.

Will he be complacent? That would suck because he wanted Seungmin to at least display some of his emotions but he wouldn't fault him. If he wanted his partner to tell him how he was feeling, he'll just ask not expect him to read his mind and fight for him.

Will he be angry? He'll probably be angry at himself more than Hyunjin. He couldn't visualise the other shouting at him.

Will he be sad? That just broke Hyunjin's heart even more.

"Seungmin. We need to talk." He said. Classic but that way Seungmin would understand that this is important but just in case... "It's important."

After a decade together, they had learned how to communicate well. He still found this hard however.

Seungmin immediately looked worried but he nodded and gestured for Hyunjin to speak.

How to do this? For once, he found it hard to just act and analyse later; a tactic which he usually used.

"It's just...I can't do this anymore."

Seungmin rocked in his chair as if the brunt of Hyunjin's words translated into actual bodily harm.

"What...what do you mean?"

Hyunjin wasn't sure what to answer. It wasn't even clear in his own head.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"No!" he immediately answered. He wasn't sure where the boundaries of him putting a stop to it lay exactly but it wasn't that. Not for now. Seungmin himself will see that it wasn't working out then and then they can re-discuss it.

"I just...I can't be the public figure next to you anymore. This isn't for me. I just can't. I don't want to hide my life and squeeze myself into a cookie cutter shape and for what? It's not like we can ever be public anyway! Why distort myself to fit next to you when I can't even be with you in public."

He had to mould and re-shape himself and all he could ever be was 'friend'. Nothing wrong with those; he had a few of them and they were precious but it wasn't what they were.

"So, what exactly will happen then? What do you want?"

What he wanted was irrelevant. Hell, what Seungmin wanted also was. He knew the other didn't want this neither the breakup nor his career but he carried on with it. Hyunjin was taking control of his narrative however, even if slightly. He had hope that Seungmin will follow, but it was a very vague hope.

"I mean, it's not like I want this but for now I'll stop attending public functions with you. I'll still support you of course before you go or you can call me but I can't be there. I need to find myself under all the dust they've thrown at me."

He sat down, his shoulders felt heavy still.

"For now?" Seungmin asked. Hyunjin didn't answer.

"Hyunjinnie, if there is someone who knows who they are so well, it's you."

Hyunjin looked up; both their eyes were shiny from unshed tears.

"Maybe but it's useless if I can't act on who I am."

They sat in silence for a long while before eventually Seungmin nodded.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I know this has been hard on you. I just didn't think it was this hard. I'm sorry if I couldn't provide you with the life that you wanted."

"It's not up to you to provide me with my life. It's my life. My responsibility Seungmin-ah." He tried to console even though it was getting harder to speak. Somehow, this felt like the end of something. Was it them?

"Still. I promised to take care of you when you agreed to be with me. I should have taken better care of your heart."

Seungmin had asked him to be together twice: once in the beginning when they started to see each other and once when he decided to move back to Korea to eventually pursue a political career. He'd had an out. He didn't take it.

"It was my choice then, like it is my choice now to stop public engagement."

"Is this the end? Are we softly breaking up?"

"I don't know Seungmin."

They simply sat in silence taking in the monumental change in their life until there was a knock on their door.

Hyunjin got up slowly; his body ached and he wasn't sure if he'd somehow gotten a cold or his mind registered so much pain that it had to spread to the rest of his body.

"Hey, not disturbing am I?" Jisung asked cheerfully before he noticed just how bleak the mood was. "What happened? Did anyone die?" he whispered trying to be tactful.

"I'm not sure. It sure feels like it." He responded, moving from the door so the other had a way in.

"Hey Jisung. Nice seeing you. Um, I'm really tired so I'll shower and go to bed. We'll catch up tomorrow, okay?" Seungmin said, waking up gingerly from his chair. He didn't smile. He didn't hug Jisung in greeting.

"What happened!?" Jisung asked him as Hyunjin busied himself plating him a big portion of food. It's good they'd eaten before because now that sadness was eating him inside, he didn't have any appetite for anything else.

Eventually, he had to tell him. "I took a stand. I told him I won't go with him to public events anymore."

"That's it?" Jisung asked. He never got their dynamic. Politics was a big part of Seungmin even though he didn't like it. Hyunjin being there right next to him was a bit part of their interactions. He would hardly see Seungmin otherwise. Politics infiltrated their home life as well with many cancelled dates, cute moments cut short and unexpected important phone calls.

"I think...I think this is the beginning of the end Jisung." He finally cried, trying his best to stifle his noise and hoping that Seungmin's shower was loud. Jisung comforted him but it wasn't his arms that were needed at the moment.

He felt tired; simply drained so he too went to bed early. They had two guest rooms but it would be weird if he simply left to sleep in one without discussing it with Seungmin. Besides, there were more chances of him sleeping with his partner by his side and while he could, he'll indulge and have this.

He showered quickly in the other bathroom and got ready for bed. Seungmin wasn't there yet when he got in but it wasn't long before he joined him.

Hyunjin was just sketching with a pencil, trying to distract himself.

He didn't expect Seungmin to start something with the day they've had...but he did.

It started with a hesitant kiss on his shoulder which made him stiffen and then relax in the pillows. A few more kisses and his sketchbook was quickly discarded on the bedside table and then Seungmin was on top of him and his hands under his clothes and before he knew it, he was gasping as Seungmin kissed him deeply.

His kisses shifted from his lips to everywhere. It felt like they were still connected; even more so when after minimal preparation – a perk of how often they did it because the nights that they didn't have galas were theirs – Seungmin penetrated him.

He had tears in his eyes then too but from how good it all felt.

They didn't go to sleep immediately after they were done; or even pretend to. Seungmin took care of him; he hadn't worn a condom and it was messy but Seungmin's gentle hands cleaned him up. Then the other hugged him and held on tight and Hyunjin could tell that he was still distressed so he caressed his arm: up and down and up and down.

They didn't go to sleep for a long while.

Hyunjin realised that this was going to be harder than he'd thought.

--------

He didn't want to break up, which didn't mean they shouldn't.

If he removed the co-dependency a little, he hoped Seungmin would see it too. Not to say that they were co-dependent actually; they could do things on their own just fine but they were used to the other always being there. Perhaps a bit too used to the other always being there as indicated by Seungmin's sullen mood when he'd told him he won't be there.

Somehow, they were having sex more than usual. Like, so often that he was constantly sore. That was actually pleasant as opposed to the soreness in his heart; sometimes it felt so full and other times empty and that was taking a toll on it.

Of course Jisung couldn't help but comment. Hyunjin did pity him a little being stuck with them for a few weeks when they were like this.

"Fuck you really...I mean Seungmin already took care of that but seriously. Fuck you. I may even consider moving to a hotel!" Jisung grumbled as he helped Hyunjin make a light lunch. They were both working from home, Hyunjin on a new painting and Jisung on a new song in the very first stages.

"Are you jealous of my blooming sex life? A lot of things suck in my life but not that so yes, you should be jealous." He said smugly. That was the only thing he could brag about.

At least that he knew about.

Later that day, four days after Hyunjin had put his feet down and defined his new boundaries, Seungmin surprised them by coming home early. It was a rare occurance and Hyunjin was left worried that something bad had happened but Seungmin was smiling if not a bit hesitant.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Don't mind me. I'm going to walk the poor dog so neither of us have to hear your whining. How he lives so well when dogs hear more than humans I'm not sure. I go crazy hearing Hyunjin's whining!" Jisung complained.

"Funny. Me too." Seungmin said with a smirk.

"Somehow, I doubt we're talking about the same spice of crazy...hey that's actually a good lyric. Thanks." Then he was off with their little bundle of trouble.

Surprisingly, Seungmin didn't jump him which made him worried.

If he didn't want sex, then...he wanted to talk.

Last time they had one...it hadn't exactly kick-started all this but it had made the cracks visible.

"So, remember when I was late?"

"When?"

"Four days ago."

Oh. When Seungmin had been sweet before it had gone bitter but not sour. The sex then had a tinge of desperation to it but not resentment at least and Seungmin had promised to eat him. He didn't but he'd done that a day after.

"Oh. Yeah."

"I was buying something."

"Oh! Are there groceries? I didn't see them." He had forgotten to look but he'll make sure to use them now not wanting them to go bad.

"No. I was buying something for you actually but then it didn't feel right to give it to you. I didn't want to make you feel guilty then but now I really want to give it to you because you deserve it and whatever happens, it's yours. I just...really wanted to show my appreciation and maybe it's too late but I have to try. I have to be brave."

He had been buying something for him while Hyunjin had been planning on how to break it to him? Yeah. He felt guilty all right but he tried to ignore it. He didn't know, couldn't have known and even if he did, it was still good that he took care of himself.

"Oh...okay. What is it?" he asked shyly. Ten years together and he still wasn't used to receiving gifts.

Of all things, Seungmin took out a velvet box from his pocket. That immediately made his heart skip a beat.

He didn't get down on his knee; he hadn't even done that when he'd actually proposed. That didn't matter to Hyunjin; what mattered was to see how much Seungmin was trying to show his feelings.

Inside the box was a ring. A nearly perfect one. In the middle was a purple crystal cased in silver in the shape of a tulip and on either side, on thin silver wiring sat two emeralds in the shape of leaves. It was as beautiful as it was touching.

This was the second ring he'd received from Seungmin; the first one was a simple silver ring with a heart in the middle. Thin and dainty and signifying their union. Seungmin had a matching one; while Hyunjin's heart was cut and fused with a thin wire, Seungmin's was cut out in a thick metal band. Hyunjin's heart fit in Seungmin's heart shape.

"This is...are you sure?"

Instead of answering, Seungmin grabbed his hand and placed the ring on his ring finger.

Fuck. He wore the heart ring on his right hand so it wasn't suspicious. The tulip ring went on his ring finger and his heart was beating so fast he was scared it would run away.

He'd gotten his ring after all and he was even considering wearing the heart one again.

It somehow fit perfectly; had the other taken his ring size? The first one, they had bought together. With the other being such a planner, he didn't discount the other measuring his ring finger as he slept deeply.

"It's beautiful. Thank you. I will cherish it."

It really was stunning and it would be a great physical reminder of what they had. Sometimes he couldn't help but think that he'd wasted ten years of his life but then he reminded himself that while he wasn't true to himself in public, he was true to his feelings. If he dated someone else, there was no guaranteed it was for life. Ten years felt like a success and would probably be a personal best not just for the quantity but the quality; there was no way he'll find someone as fitting as Seungmin to spend as many and more years with.

It was sad to think that this was it not only for them but also for him.

He wanted more dates near the Han river where even mosquito sounds could be turned into romantic music.

He wanted lazy mornings in bed - a rare occurrence in their life – to be frequent and he wanted relaxed afternoon painting sessions where he immortalised Seungmin in a new style or angle for generations to come.

He wanted to cook more delicious things for them to enjoy and he wanted Seungmin hovering, asking how he can help until Hyunjin gave him a task which he'll butcher but do it with a smile.

He wanted to explore and travel and go on long but easy walks in nature taking lots of pictures of the scenery and even more of Seungmin and them together.

He wanted to buy something nice that would blow Seungmin's mind with Seungmin's own credit card so the other would see the transaction and wonder what was in store for him; just how Hyunjin would torture him. He'd let Seungmin peel the clothes off him and see for himself.

He wanted them to spoilt Kkami. Just that.

But...

It was time to let them go now.

"Are you sure you like it?" Seungmin asked hesitantly "Your face just went really sad." Seungmin's tone matched his feelings and he had to remember that this was hard for both of them but in order to let go, he had to say his wishes and blow them in the wind in hopes they disperse.

"I really do like it. It will remind me of a beautiful time. It's just...you must feel it too, no? The end of us." He gulped. Putting it in words wasn't new but telling Seungmin that was terrifying.

"Please just...you said publically no? We still have this." Seungmin begged and now he went down on his knees but Hyunjin pulled him up. He didn't want the other to humiliate himself.

"Seungmin, I don't want to keep it privately. I want to live my life publically." He said as kindly

Seungmin clutched his hands in desperation.

"Don't do this please." He begged again. He'd never heard so much begging before; even convincing Hyunjin to abandon his dreams in the States and follow him here where both of them could not pursue their dreams had involved less begging.

"Seungmin, I want to be able to go on public dates where people can tell it's a date while we gaze into each other's eyes next to the Han river and sure I want lazy mornings in bed and nice decent time painting sessions and cooking sort of together inside but I want to be able to go out and buy something sexy and say it's to make my partner's head spin while using his own money and I want to travel together and explore new lows and heights even though the walks would be easy and I just want to go on dates, publically. I'm not angry that we couldn't have those for many years; that we had to cut those dreams loose but now I want to pursue them again and you can't give me that." He said; the snot making it difficult to speak. "But we don't need to rush this okay? We've spent so long together that if we cut it so suddenly it will be a shock to both of us. We can take our time and unwind the spool of wool we've shorn and wound together. We still have some time but I think it's important to acknowledge where this is heading. I'll still be here for a while...but I'll start looking at other options. I don't mean dating for now; I'm not ready for that but maybe I can search for an apartment that I can afford."

It will be difficult; he didn't earn a lot regularly and when he had a big commission, he used it on back payments or saved it and stretched it until he had nothing again. Perhaps he'll start by finding a part-time job or model more regularly since he had that option even though it sometimes made him feel slimy the way they chose to portray him; there was a reason why he preferred painting and self-expression. Until now he could afford living this life because he lived with Seungmin and he insisted to pay for things. He shouldn't take advantage of that any more now that he would not be there.

Seungmin looked down and it seemed like he found it difficult to speak.

"Will I lose you completely?" he finally asked.

"No! I'm still your best friend. I know this is a stressful time in your life too. You can lean on me if you need." He offered and perhaps it wasn't fair for him to put on so much emotional work because it could be exhausted but he will feel lost without offering some of it. He'll just be careful with his boundaries. For example, if Seungmin found another poor soul to secretly date...he didn't want to hear anything about it. Not only was it a tragedy but what if they worked out while Hyunjin and him didn't? It would break his heart even more. "And I would love to continue being the first person who you send your writing drafts to for feedback. I love your writing Seungmin."

In another life, Seungmin would have chosen a different path; a path that didn't see so much money (his own; his family would probably help still) but that saw them pursue different artistic disciples next to each other. That was something that he dreamed about often and after, he always woke up sad. It was bittersweet because Seungmin had the potential and the desire.

"Okay. We still have some time, no?"

"Of course." He said because he had promised.

"Can I kiss you then?"

He shouldn't; it would be harder. They should use this time to untangle their lives from each other even though it would never be complete; the waves would always still be there and perhaps a knot or two...but creating new tangles? That was messy. Yet, he didn't, couldn't resist.

"Okay. Let's wipe our faces first though." He suggested because they were both a whole mess. It wasn't sexy or hot but luckily, they knew each other inside out.

He wondered when the final cut would be. It wasn't now as their lips met and as Hyunjin was laid down on the couch and made more of a mess of.

Love, seperation, hesitation, distance from each other

Tears, starlight, sparkles, trembling in this moment

Once is okay, a moment to understand each other

It's once step to getting closer

He should have known that a few days was all it took for Seungmin to organise and campaign his cause.

At first, he didn't realise.

"Hyunjin. I have a rare day off. Hyeonbin wanted to go home for his sister's wedding so I decided to take the day off as well. Everyone at the office can deal without me for a day."

Seungmin surprised him two days later. The first day after Seungmin gave him the ring and Hyunjin admitted that he wanted more from their relationship was bittersweet. They tip-toed around each other. Seungmin went out and he assumed it was to work like usual but two hours later, he came back with actual groceries.

There had been blueberries and strawberries and while Seungmin couldn't cook, he could mix those with yogurt. He even cut some of the strawberries in shapes. It had been sweet and reconciliatory. Seungmin had gone to work late and when he came back, Hyunjin surprised him (and Jisung who was still living with them albeit a ghost most of the time) with a veritable feast; his own way of apologising for the mess he helped to contribute to. It wasn't just Seungmin leading him on; he had been very honest from the start. Hyunjin's dreams did more damage to them then Seungmin abandoning his. Hyunjin had gone along with it through the years and now he was putting a stop to it while he could have waited a few more months seeing as he knew just what an important time this was for Seungmin.

He had thought that once they softly apologised to each other, they would start to draw back to lay more boundaries and protect their hearts.

"Oh! That's nice! A whole day off! Are you going to write? Relax?" he asked because it really was rare for the other and he was excited for him. Without Hyunjin there to remind him, the other would probably forget to take care of himself and while Hyeonbin at least saved him at work, he wasn't at home to remind him to eat or go to sleep. The other would actually probably only live at work if there wasn't Hyunjin and Kkami to go back to. Maybe he'll leave Kkami here so the other had someone to take care of to take care of himself and that way at least he'll have an excuse to come and visit or meet them at the park. He's already left Kkami in his sole care once and he hoped that this time, Seungmin made more time from him, having learned that their trouble ball needs more attention.

"I could write but I was thinking about going out to eat something light and then take photos in a park. It's such a rare treat that I need to treat myself to everything!"

Hyunjin's eyes widened. Seungmin actually practicing self-care?

"Wow. The day off is already doing you good!"

He bet the other was already healthier too.

"Would you come with me?"

"Won't you prefer being on your own? You hardly ever spend time by yourself."

"I'll get a lot of that soon...sorry I don't mean to make you feel guilty but let's spend some nice time together outside and not for work?"

Seungmin was back to almost begging and Hyunjin guessed this was him trying to make the sting less for Hyunjin and he wanted to go out to eat and walk in a park with the other. Of course, at this time of the day and depending which park they went to, they probably won't even run into constituents so it was safe.

"Okay. Let me get dressed. Casual?"

"Yes. Nice though if you can I'm thinking about the family owned French restaurant with the cheese boards and delicacies that is always fully booked in the evenings."

Oh! That sounded lovely but also difficult; he had to choose something nice enough to not stick out at the restaurant but comfortable for the walk and nothing too fancy because knowing him, he'll fall down or stain his clothes with grass. Or maybe he could take some watercolours and paint while Seungmin wrote and took photos?

To be honest he didn't actually care what he wore because he was so excited. Usually, he liked to look good and next to Seungmin, he usually had to but that day he actively worked so he didn't care too much. Seungmin didn't look at him like he thought what he wore wasn't appropriate so it was okay. Later, in the photos that Seungmin sent him – and there were plenty of him – he was smiling and wearing nice jeans and a long-sleeved sweater that wasn't too hot. No jacket because the weather was nice now.

"Let's take the baby out for his walkies." Seungmin suggested, getting down to pat the dog that actually let him. "We're going to spoil you so much. Hyunjinnie got treats!" At that, the dog actually paid attention and trudged to Hyunjin, rubbing himself against Hyunjin's leg. Seungmin saying the t-word was dangerous...and now he actually had to deliver or they'll have a judgmental dog on their hands.

They left once they were dressed and stocked with treats and they made their way to the nice dog-friendly restaurant where he suddenly felt very Parisians thanks to the decor. Would it be tacky if he took photos? Fuck it; he would only be there once so he took plenty too even before they were seated.

"Do you have a reservation?"

Oh...his dreams were squashed. Even at this time, they were almost full.

"Yes. Under Hwang."

"This way please."

Huh. Seungmin had found time to book? Had Hyunjin taken so long to get ready? He wasn't shocked that he used his surname; Seungmin's was both too generic and could lead to confusion by itself or too recognisable if combined with his name. This meant though that he must have done it this morning right after Hyunjin accepted.

"When did you book?" he whispered. Thinking about it, Seungmin was a planner even at such short notice.

"Oh yesterday. We were lucky they still had some availability." He said and the words didn't register until a while because Seungmin pulled the chair out for him. Like, he usually was a gentleman but not such an old-fashioned one; maybe jokingly with friends but in public?

"Huh? You planned it yesterday?"

"Yeah. Hyeonbin asked me yesterday for today because even the master planner didn't know his sister was getting married so soon and then I was thinking about what to do and this came to mind."

Seungmin's hands were twitching on the menu likely wanting to open it...as if he hadn't chosen from the online menu already but he was giving him his attention which made Hyunjin feel heady. A lot.

"But you only asked me today? What if I had said no?"

"It didn't feel right to burden you yesterday and if you'd have rejected the proposal, I would have simply cancelled. Bet someone would have felt lucky then but instead we're the lucky ones. I am at least."

So cryptic but for sure sappy. Hyunjin chose to take it at face value; the other liked to plan but he knew Hyunjin liked and thrived on spontaneity although only on day-to-day things; for big future plans he wanted to be locked down hence why they were in such situation.

They ate all the cheese they could and their tummies were not happy but they were even though their walk wound up to be more of a slow stroll because they felt bad walking faster; much to the happiness of their short-legged ball of fluffy trouble. There were worst things in life than bloating from cheese.

They went to Yeouido Park where Hyunjin painted a few small floral pieces directly on canvas intending to give them out as gifts but then they turned out so well that he wanted to hang them in a line in the bathroom. Seungmin could keep them after though.

Seungmin wrote a few thousand words and then edited them right then and there and showed the piece to Hyunjin. It was nice and he understood why he was so happy...but the piece was sad and nostalgic.

"I'm sad just reading this so I guess good job on evoking the right feelings from the word choices."

"Thanks. All my writing has been sad recently but I'm going with the flow and working through it. I'm just glad it's turning out well."

His heart felt constrained knowing that Seungmin was going through a difficult time; at the same time, he was glad for writing because it helped the other and he couldn't help but want Seungmin to write more.

It wasn't quite cherry blossom season but something bloomed in him in that park with Seungmin right next to him and their art surrounding them.

The next day, Hyunjin needed to get up early and work on finishing a painting for his upcoming exhibition only Seungmin pulled him back to bed. They were still sleeping in the same bed and sometimes –read every day at least once – they had sex but it was a habit hard to break when they've been doing these things for ten years.

"I need to get up." He pointed out. "Seungmin!" he chided when the other simply brought him closer. "Let me go. I'm behind on my painting and I'm an artist Seungmin!"

"Yeah you are but stay a bit longer." The other said with a voice he was unused to hear. It was deep and sleepy; usually Seungmin woke up before him and when they woke up together, Seungmin was for sure more awake than him because he was a morning person. What was up with the other?

"I took some hours of leave. Stay in bed with me?"

The other took a day off the day before and now some hours of leave? Was he sick?

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked, worried. Usually even when he was sick, Seungmin rarely took time off. Of course, if he was really sick then he'll stay at home so that he'd recover quicker to get back to work but if it was just tiredness he'll push through it.

"In bed like this? Of course. I'm just really unhappy at work so I thought some time away would do me good."

Hyunjin agreed. Although if it were for him, Seungmin would leave and become a full-time author or even find a part-time job for money. It could even be a prestigious job and with Seungmin's background, he doubted he'll have difficulty finding one. He just wanted the other to be happy and he knew that writing made Seungmin happy. It needn't even be a job; he should focus on it however even as a hobby.

So he stayed a bit further in bed. Magically, he didn't fall completely asleep; instead he savoured Seungmin's hands squeezing his waist and fingers carding through his hair. Sometimes he tugged; Hyunjin liked his hair played with even roughly and if he could purr, he would. He showed his appreciation by massaging gently Seungmin's back which for once wasn't tense. Magic indeed. Maybe he was asleep after all.

When Seungmin stirred and got up, he could see he was doing it grudgingly.

"I need to go now. There's an engagement that I couldn't move or rather Hyeonbin would kill me if I try but after that, I can work from home. I only have paperwork and phone calls."

It always shocked him just how much someone supposedly so powerful was just a puppet in the system and while Hyeonbin had the qualities of a puppeteer, he was just the helper keeping everything in working order. The real puppeteers, Hyunjin abhorred with every part of his being.

"Okay." Hyunjin said although he didn't hold on to hope that Seungmin would join him because the other was often caught up in last minute meetings. That was what being a member of the national assembly entailed.

He was however, pleasantly surprised when Seungmin came back in the late afternoon. Hyunjin was still painting and he was feeling inspired thanks to the park...date? That morning was also a source of inspiration as much as it was comfort.

"You're actually home early?" he gasped once he spotted Seungmin, now wearing more comfortable clothing – not that he didn't look dashing in suits and could live in them much to Hyunjin's fantasies – and holding a drink while looking at Hyunjin paint.

"I promised didn't I?"

Seungmin always tried to keep his promises; it wasn't always possible to do so but he tried which is why he didn't promise a lot of thing. He wasn't like those politicians that promises everything to everyone; maybe his constituents had seen that and hence why they voted for him. Seungmin worked hard to legislate what he promised. Maybe that's why he was hardly ever home which is why this was a surprise. Seungmin was working too little these days. It was suspicious.

"Yeah you did. Big plans or sleeping then?"

"I was thinking some relaxation is in order. I should write."

Seungmin wrote every day without fail unless he was travelling or trying to take care of himself. Even if it was fifty words, it was still something that he could use later; that's what he'd told Hyunjin once when he saw a notebook full of short sentences and pauses after a week of writing. He needed to in order to have enough material to publish...but how much he wrote that day wasn't just due to inspiration but also tiredness so often Seungmin wrote a couple hundred words and fell asleep.

"Want a snack while you write?" he offered because he'd been home all day even though he was working...but he procrastinated a lot too so he wasn't always working and he left chores for tomorrow that should have been done today.

"I bought some fruit actually. That I can do. You continue your piece. It's looking lovely."

Hyunjin whipped his head back to the painting. He stared at it red faced. How was it that after so long he still blushed at such a simple compliment? Truth was, that it was about his work so he was always glad but also...he had gotten used to the compliments and it's not like they ever stopped. Perhaps they decreased a little but Hyunjin's own compliments did as well because with time, they grew comfortable in knowing that the other knew that they appreciated and cared. They still made an effort to try; just like they didn't suffer from a dead bedroom their romance had been going on strong even if private. Hyunjin just didn't expect it now so it hit him harder. Shouldn't Seungmin be trying to stop himself rather than do it more?

"Here you go." Seungmin startled him and looking down he saw a pile of fruit in a bowl. It was mostly blueberries with some blackberries and strawberries and chunk or two of orange melon. There was a side serving of Hyunjin's berries yoghurt too which made his mouth water.

"Thank you." He said, turning to look at the other in the eyes.

Small gestures that made his heart thump.

He couldn't help but notice that while Seungmin had some strawberries he had only one spoonful of blueberries. He had more melons and an apple and tangerine. Hyunjin liked tangerines but he didn't like to mix them with anything else and apple's texture made him cringe.

He got back to his painting and actually finished it in record time and started to plan another one. He was two paintings behind the schedule he'd made for himself for the exhibition but maybe he'll manage to catch up at this rate!

Half way through a rough sketch, he got curious and nosy. He got up quickly and sat on the couch next to Seungmin and thrust his face in his notebook to see what he was writing. He asked too in case that one page won't give him an idea – or the wrong idea – about what Seungmin was writing overall.

"I'm writing a story about a prince."

Hyunjin gasped. "Fantasy? Contemporary?"

Usually Seungmin stuck to more real topics. Not that princes weren't real; some countries still had those but they did feel a bit unreal in today's world as if they were fictional.

"Mostly fantasy because it felt more appropriate for the poetic language I wanted to use. I'm modelling him on you."

Hyunjin looked down quickly suddenly feeling like a whole fireplace.

"Oh? Why so shy?" Seungmin teased, poking him on the side. Hyunjin moved to get away from tickles but this way the other could see his burning face. Smart Seungmin.

"Stop it. What's up with you lately?"

"Can't I say my husband looks like a prince in peace?" Seungmin said, smiling at him.

Husband.

They used 'partner' more with friends apart from their names said cutely. They also used 'life partner' to introduce the other with people they trusted of which there weren't many of those; in fact it had only happened with the women from the art studio the first time Seungmin met them.

Sometimes they did use that description because after all, they had taken the vows even though they were not legal and perhaps because they were not legal sometimes it felt unreal. Hyunjin still felt guilty about him possibly leaving his husband but if the relationship was not good then he had to. The worst possible thing for him was that the relationship was good but the circumstances weren't and he couldn't blame either of them. It was just life.

Usually when they used 'husband' it was in a joking manner or in a sappy manner.

It seemed like Seungmin was using both at the same time and it wasn't fair! It did him in.

"Aish. Finish your story so I can read about this prince. Is it spicy?"

"Do you want it to be? I can write some erotica with him. Something about him getting tied up by his loyal adviser to de-stress?"

Seungmin knew him all too well...but he knew the other also well.

"Finish what you're writing and you'd get to experience that in person. Those shibari ropes are calling me. Do you hear their call also?"

"Fuck."

There. He'd gotten a rise out of Seungmin as well. 2-1.

Hyunjin giggled as he quite enjoyed how fast Seungmin was writing now that he had an end goal. His hand must hurt and he'll massage it just like Seungmin will massage him once he's finished with him.

And it was fun even though Seungmin had to stop tying him in the middle to look up one particular know that he'd forgotten how to tie because it had been that long. Hyunjin's legs were bent and tied to the bedpost next to his face, to the side of where his wrists were also tied.

The next day, Hyunjin was sore but also inspired. If his painting included a lot of red ropes...well it was a close-up scene. He loved painting explicit scenes especially taken from their sex life – either of himself or Seungmin – but he limited it in case there was ever a connection made between the two of them. At least publically. He had quite a few spicy artworks in his private collection. It was a pity they couldn't be displayed in case they got an unexpected visit. In fact, there hardly were any photos of them in case there was ever a camera crew and Hyunjin had been instructed to say he was just visiting if he was caught there. He couldn't be even a permanent roommate.

A close-up was safe enough because it didn't even look like a person and this show, he didn't expect Seungmin to be there so the media cohort that followed him around won't be either.

"Here. For you." Seungmin said the next day. He'd gone to work like usual and came back at the time he should...which was earlier than most days seeing as he worked so much overtime.

'For you' was a red knotted bracelet. Traditional. It would look lovely on his wrist he was sure although he feared losing it.

"So you remember the fun we had yesterday." Seungmin smirked "Of course you can just say you're being patriotic if asked."

Hyunjin blushed and pushed the other away from his shoulder while clutching the bracelet.

Aish. This man of his!

He really needed to stop thinking of Seungmin as his man really.

"I'm patriotic enough by being married to a politician." He replied. Oh for god's sake...he wasn't helping himself, was he?

"So patriotic. Shall we give you a medal for that?"

"It's okay sweetie. You already gave me a bracelet." He answered back.

"Ah! But my bad. I didn't help you put it on. Let me?" he asked extending his hand and he just had to fall for someone so charming and kind, didn't he? He didn't have a chance of falling out of love with him. He wasn't even sure he wanted to.

He did give his hand to the other; he'd already given it for marriage after all so what was a nice bracelet on top of it?

Seungmin tied the bracelet around his wrist and then he raised his hand from his finger tips and leaned down to kiss the underside of his wrist.

He was going to make Hyunjin crazy! Everything he did resulted in that! What was he playing at? He'd never been so affectionate.

"Shall we cook then? Or I can cook. I had quite a great chef teaching me." Seungmin offered.

Hyunjin snorted but he was pleased at the compliment...he was the great chef mentioned of course (although Felix could be credited with teaching Seungmin how to bake a very plain and bland but edible cake). Seungmin wasn't the best chef and usually he helped him by chopping or Hyunjin gave instructions but he wanted to live dangerously today...actually he really needed to finish the painting and he wasn't sure being around Seungmin would be good for him. He agreed with the other cooking and Seungmin seemed shocked.

"Okay? Yes! Okay! Right! I won't disappoint you!" he said enthusiastically and then soon after he had his phone in his hand and he was calling someone. "Hey Lix, how are you? Yes, I know the time isn't the best for you but can you guide me in making a lasanga?"

Lasanga? Seungmin was going to attempt doing that? They've gone to eat Italian several times especially when they still lived in the States but even Hyunjin had never attempted cooking that mainly because it was messy and involved using too many things which he then had to wash (or Seungmin did).

Knowing the other was at least attempting it left him in a good mood. One which he used to paint even though sometimes he would look at the kitchen and see Seungmin running around like he was on fire. He just hoped the lasanga wasn't but it smelled good and not burned. In fact, it smelled amazing and his stomach grumbled.

"Hyunjinnie! Dinner is served!"

He bounced up and ran to the kitchen.

"Your hands are covered in paint!" Seungmin chided.

"Oops."

That lasanga tasted great too though it was slightly burnt on top. Just the top though. He took several disbelieving photos for memory's sake one of which had his open-mouthed shocked expression as he pointed at the lasanga with Seungmin proudly smiling in the background.

----

Hyunjin just stared into space. There may as well be a whole production in front of him and he'd still be spaced out.

He wasn't feeling that good. He'd worked himself into a spiral. Sometimes there wasn't a reason for why he was feeling bad – or at least it was so general that he couldn't pin-point what had started it – but this time he knew exactly what: he'd started thinking about what he would do after he moved out. All those bills. All those things he would have to set up from scratch. All the expenses.

He knew he won't manage on his own. Maybe he'll have roommates and then he wondered if they would try to take advantage of him in any way or if he would be a decent roommate. Life after their breakup looked too daunting but he didn't want to get stuck here when their story had run its course. He may be desperate but he wasn't that desperate to hold Seungmin back.

He could feel it incoming and he wasn't sure about the next steps.

He did know from past episodes that he needed to tell someone or he'll do something he'll feel even worse for afterwards so without thinking, he called Seungmin.

Seungmin was the number one contact on his phone. He was the one whose number he knew by heart and could recite in his sleep. It was the number he gave out instead of his if he wasn't thinking. It was the number he put on the inside cover of his sketchbook and diaries in case they got lost in public. It was the phone he put on his luggage and around his bag because Seungmin was more responsible. If only his constituents knew that Kim Seungmin's personal phone number could be obtained from Hyunjin's bag!

"Hyunjin?" Seungmin picked up without a hello. He sounded stressed but Hyunjin paid no mind. The price he'd pay if he did and hung up would be greater. That's something that Seungmin himself had told him repeatedly after each attempt and it was drilled in him. He trusted Seungmin and trusted that he told him the truth.

"Seungmin" he said with a tired voice that sounded like he'd given in "I'm not feeling my best." He admitted. It was an understatement but he didn't want to completely panic the other. At the same time, he knew he needed help.

"Right. I'm calling Jisung to go home right now because he's nearer but I'm coming okay? Please don't do anything. In fact, please stay on the line."

"Don't you have work?" he asked rather soullessly.

"I think I'll make much more of a difference today if I stay with you than here. Just give me a few seconds, okay?"

"Okay." He agreed because the other was waiting for him to before he muffled his speaker. "Hyeonbin-ssi" he still heard "Can you call my friend Jisung, Han Jisung, and tell him to go home. That it's urgent. His number is...oh you have it? Thank you."

Hyunjin smiled. Hyeonbin was a blessing and every time he was so efficient, he thanked God that he wasn't interested in Seungmin anymore or his man won't be his anymore. Well...not for longer. As far as he knew, Seungmin wasn't interested but maybe when he's lonely, things will change. He just hoped that Hyeonbin won't take advantage of that loneliness.

Seungmin stayed with him on the phone until he got home. Jisung was already there having rushed in a panic. The other still lived with them but he only hangs out sparingly and came home to sleep, otherwise he was in meetings outside as he was working with some Korean music producers.

"What's wrong?" he'd asked. Of course since it was Seungmin's assistant who had called, he didn't give him details because he himself was not privy to them.

"I'm...not great." He replied. His voice must have filled in the rest of the details.

"Right. I'm here. Is that Seungmin on your phone?"
"Yes."

"Seungmin!" he yelled and Hyunjin didn't even wince. "What do I do?"

Hyunjin helpfully put the phone on speaker. He couldn't take care of himself; them discussing his care was acceptable.

"Stay with him even if he goes to the bathroom or kitchen. Especially then. Monitor what he's doing. Check if he took his medication. Hyunjin, did you take your meds today?" he asked him directly. Not his antibiotics and antihistamines; those had long finished but the medicine he took to stabilise his mind at least just a little. Ketamine mostly, in moderate doses.

"Yes. Promise. You can check when you get here."

"Right. That's good. Just take care of him Jisung. Some tea may help. Chocolate. Sweets. Anything that would comfort him. Please hug him tight."

Hyunjin's next breath hurt him.

Seungmin joined their cuddle pile when he came in – also in a rush – and somehow Hyunjin felt complete enough to fight it today.

"Thank you." He whispered to them both.

Jisung left the next day but Hyunjin reassured him that he was fine. Sad but fine.

After Jisung left, he expected Seungmin to leave for work but he puttered around.

"Seungmin. I'm really fine. I asked for help this time. Evidently I'm not so suicidal if I can ask for help. I'll answer all your calls or texts but please go to work. You've been taking too much time off because of me." He didn't wish Seungmin's job on him but he had a responsibility to the people; not only those that voted him in but all those he represented and Hyunjin would be disappointed if Seungmin's wish for justice was swept away.

"Hey. I made the decision to take time off. It's not healthy to always work." Seungmin looked irritated. Hyunjin did find him handsome like this but he was also irritated because Seungmin was. Or rather, more exasperated really so he breathed in and out and told Seungmin that he can't always skip work from now on.

"Okay fine but don't be short with me if I call you every hour. I don't want to lose you and I don't want to have to spend days by your bedside in a cold hospital so please understand why I'm being like this."

Hyunjin nodded. The other was there for him, nursing him back to health and making sure he had all the support he needed to get stronger mentally and emotionally too after he'd attempted. Every single time. It had happened so many times that Seungmin had his own routine and he both panicked inside but stayed calm on the outside which was what Hyunjin needed when he was so weak.

"I'm not suicidal right now. Promise. Please value my words." He begged. He understood why Seungmin didn't; it's not the first time he lied to get the other out of the way. When he had a clear head, he hated lying and valued open communication but when he was suicidal, he became manipulative. He would do anything to have Seungmin leave just so he could end it because he couldn't deal with it anymore but then Seungmin would do everything in his power to stay and then he'd want to live because he felt so good with him.

He was sure that Seungmin blamed himself. If only they could be open, Hyunjin wouldn't be like this or so he thought but Hyunjin wasn't sure. They were like this and he'd read about suicidal tendencies and feelings so often. He'd always hoped that one day they could be open and so he won't be so weak any more but the more time passed – and the less Seungmin cared about keeping a big distance between them – the more he thought that this was him. Something is him was broken; cowardly. He felt too much and then it got too much and he couldn't deal with it.

Years of therapy have taught him that he was more equipped to deal with things than he thought and that he had support if he needed. It was still hard but he managed his episodes better.

He knew one things that would cheer him up: chocolate cake. Even if he was sad, if he smelled it he felt better and tasting it always makes him appreciate life a little bit more so he got to work, ignored his paintings and baked. Seungmin preferred matcha castella so he was proficient in making it but chocolate cake was fairly easy to make and he made a big one to share. Mostly with Seungmin. Maybe he'll pack some lunch for him and include cake although he always felt silly packing lunch in a lunchbox for his politician husband ­especially when he had fancy networking lunches all the time.

Maybe he'll send some with Seungmin for Hyeonbin and he can give some of their neighbours.

He mixed that chocolate cake mix harder needing the whiffs of chocolate because he suddenly felt sad again. He didn't have much of a support system.

Their university friends all lived in the States and while they visited each other, it wasn't the same.

There were some artists he'd met when exhibiting together and sometimes they went out for drinks but the one time that Seungmin had tagged along...it had gotten awkward. Plenty of them where queer and open but a politician? They had looked at him like he either hit the jackpot – which he had but not because he was a politician – or like they pitied him. Maybe they even thought he was in it for the money only. He didn't go out with them so much anymore, only when it would be rude to refuse again.

Sometimes he attended dance workshops or Pilates but he didn't want the same thing to happen so if they did go out for drinks after classes, he went alone and never told Seungmin about it because he'll feel left out. In any case, he didn't go out with them often either.

The women from the studio space were better but they too looked at him with pity. They liked Seungmin especially since he went to their exhibitions as well – one time even without him when Hyunjin had been sick– and he even commissioned them a joint painting for Hyunjin's birthday once which was memorable. A painting done by five artists with five different styles was so unique and it had turned out great! They often asked him how Seungmin was but they could see he wasn't that happy about their life and yet they weren't so close that they could speak about it more in detail so pitying looks it was.

So yes, there weren't a lot of people that he could share this big ass cake with so Seungmin better open his appetite.

Maybe he needed to find new friends from somewhere. He'd need them soon. But where does he find friends from? Maybe he can attend a few queer events? Art events? Sign up for Tinder?

The opportunity presented itself that evening when Seungmin came in late from work – and strangely he felt relieved that some things were normal.

"You know, I nearly missed switching off the oven on time because you called." He told the other who was enjoying the cake...clearly from the moans which left Hyunjin a little affected.

"Told you I could call and text a lot. You should know that your husband is a man of his words."

"Yeah yeah and your husband if a great baker, isn't he?" he teased.

"Well...I wouldn't say great." Hyunjin gasped "because I would say exceptional! I would marry this cake!" Seungmin exclaimed and he looked very much like an innocent boy in that moment all giddy and smiling and with some cheese frosting on his mouth. He didn't tell him about the latter so he'll have the pleasure of listening to him whine 'Hyunjinnnnnnnn why didn't you tell me' when he saw himself in the mirror one last time and he'll make sure to save it in his memory bank.

"Great save. Marrying that cake would be more legal than marrying me." He cackled. It wasn't a great feeling but he got used to their union not being recognised.

"Thank you. It's like I have training in diplomacy and public relations or something."

They both laughed at that and the mood was up again. Seungmin had a tendency to make him laugh or good cry...or good moan.

"But anyway...I was thinking I'm overdue a holiday. A proper one, not just one day...but I can't stay long because of commitments. I have a Health and Welfare committee meeting Tuesday but we can leave Friday afternoon and come back Monday afternoon. I'd be down to go anywhere so where would you like to go?" Seungmin asked him as he took another big bite of cake.

He blinked. Did Seungmin just ask him casually to go on holiday with him...now? He'd just assumed that while they continued their tranquil life together for now, they won't do anything exciting although they did go on a few outings recently but the outings weren't out of their way. A holiday would be.

But...was he going to say no to a four-day trip with Seungmin? Soon, he'll be living in a 고시원 or sharing with a lot of people and there won't be a holiday in his near or even late future so he may as well spend what he had now. Not like saving that little bit of money now would make a difference.

Although he kind of knew Seungmin would take care of the expenses but he didn't want the other to feel used.

"Um, countryside? Somewhere that won't break my bank." He proposed because he would at least try to pay for his share.

"You can pay for the fuel" Seungmin proposed.

"Seungmin! I want to pay my way too!"

"You will be. We can't get there without fuel unless you want to waste a whole day on public transport so you'll factually be paying the way."

Why did he fall for such a smartass? It's like he's a politician or something...policy makers really knew how to play with words since they knew how to avoid possible misuses.

Still, can he refuse? He can bargain but the discount won't do him bad.

"I'll pay for food too and bring snacks."

"Deal. I'll get us the accommodation and any needed tickets. Your cooking is priceless. Throw in another cake and you'll make me a very happy man." Seungmin took a step closer to him and Hyunjin side-stepped him, recognising he was about to be kissed. He need to dim those feelings ASAP.

"How about Gyeongju? It's been on my list to visit for ages." He proposed instead. It was a place that he could visit after too because he doubted four days would be enough but maybe it would remind him too much of Seungmin then so best he sees all he can this time.

"Gyeongju it is!" Seungmin smiled and then he turned on his heels and sat on the sofa. He took his tablet and if Hyunjin knew him well – which he did – he started researching how to get there and the best accommodation for them.

It was cute how after a while he frowned, looked up and asked for more cake.

Hyunjin happily obliged and cut him another piece; he'd baked a lot after all.

"I have plenty of cake!" he said as he passed him the small plate now refilled.

"That you do." Seungmin said with a smirk.

Hyunjin jumped and narrowed his eyes.

"That's not cake."

"I beg to differ." Seungmin said as he squeezed his ass again "It's big, round, delicious and I like to eat it."

Yep. Seungmin could still make him blush after ten years. He thought that after ten years he knew how to handle him but who was he kidding? It was always spicy between them.

"Well if you like to eat it, you're free to do so tonight." He offered.

He swore that their sex life had never been better and it's not like it has ever suffered.

Maybe a holiday was something they needed. It would end their loving relationship on a good note and a new adventure. They would maybe want to explore more after and they could take solo trips. It would be a cherished moment; one they could recall when they catch up because for sure they would still be in each other's lives. They were to entangled and knew too much about the other to simply start a new page without them completely.

With that thought in mind, he too started researching things they can do in Gyeongju.

It was Thursday, the day before they left that the final piece of the puzzle made him see the whole picture.

"Here" Seungmin said before he went to work. Usually Hyunjin would be struggling to wake up at this time but struck by inspiration, he hadn't even gone to sleep. "Buy something nice with this for the holiday." And he handed over his card. He knew the pin because sometimes he used it but never without permission even though admittedly he did use it a lot since he struggled financially. He never liked how it was never balanced between them but Seungmin always told him that he provided other aspects to their relationship and he never tried to take advantage of that power...he had other ones Hyunjin was more than happy to submit to.

The other must have seen him pack the day before. He had frowned at his limited wardrobe options. The other didn't let him say no; but that's when it finally clicked for him.

His wishes didn't blow in the wind; they were like dandelion seeds that actually took. Invasive but beautiful and useful. Seungmin was making sure he got to experience his wishlist before the conclusion of their relationship and wasn't that the most bittersweet thing ever?

Still, he'd get his experiences and while they won't last as much as he'd like...he'll take it and enjoy it.

"Okay" he accepted "Don't look at what I'll buy though!" he warned. He'll buy something nice not just for him.

"I can wait for surprises." Seungmin winked at him. Hyunjin felt like calling him out because whenever he told him he had a surprise for him, Seungmin was always pestering him about what it was...but Hyunjin had the feeling the other simply did it because he enjoyed it not because curiosity got the best of him.

He decided to get himself a pair of nice dungarees whose price tag personally hurt him but they looked so good on him and he was ready for adventure this way! The pockets were even practical! It was yet another physical manifestation of a memory that he'd get to keep after.

Somehow, one pair of dungarees were all that he needed to feel like he actually had holiday worthy clothing and he was happy to stop there...but he had Seungmin's card. He tried not to make him go broke but one pair of white-framed sunglasses joined the dungarees and then since he'd implied it; he followed through and bought some white lingerie.

Online with a same day discreet delivery. So he won't get into any scandals. It was made for males and fit him like a glove once he tried them – after he washed them of course. It was off-white not actual white and it looked classy; a bit pearly. The lace was high quality not like those that looked so tacky that made him cringe; he was an artist after all. The white underwear had a pop of coral pink from a ribbon and the underbust corset that he bought had the lacing from the same colour and he'll make sure to tie them in pretty ribbons as well. He'll pair them with some sheer socks but he already owned those and perhaps it would be too hot and he'll forgo them.

On Friday morning, he woke up early and happy to make them some snacks so they didn't have to stop that much. For sure in those three, probably four hours they would have to stop to stretch their legs and go to the bathroom but if he could avoid them getting cravings or hunger, he would. So he made all of Seungmin's favourite quick snacks and packed them and then he made some for himself and he made sure to take heaps of fruit too, especially those that in four days would go mushy.

He squealed.

Four blissful days! It sounded so wonderful and he just hoped that it would be too in reality.

"Why is my husband up so early?" Seungmin yawned.

"Meal prep for the road. Shouldn't you get some more sleep before work?" he asked but once he saw Seungmin reach for the coffee pot, he knew the other would stay up. He took over making him something small to eat because Seungmin preferred to make his own coffee. He had a particular way...which Hyunjin knew but the other said that his own tasted better and Hyunjin agreed. The other kindly made him a cup too and it smelled heavenly. Maybe he could start getting up slightly earlier on some days?

Only if he had to.

"I'm going to work early. Meeting with some stakeholders and if I finish that early, I can finish work even earlier and we can leave sooner and take it more leisurely."

Ah Seungmin and his plans.

"In that case, eat well so you'll have lots of energy." He said with a smile and the other did just that, practically devouring the small meal prepared by Hyunjin.

Hyunjin could barely contain his excitement but he tried to bottle it up and showcasing it in his paintings and surprisingly, he finished three which had been almost done since forever and he loved how the colours in them seemed to compliment the other paintings as if they were a set even though he'd painted them at different times with different subjects but his mood carried on to them and now he'd like to exhibit them together and see what viewers think.

"Oh Kkami, how will I survive four days without you?" he lamented at the dog that was clearly ignoring him but who Hyunjin still patted. One of the artists from the studio, Chaeryeong, had agreed to dogsit him. 'Maybe this way I get to at least see you' she had said and she wasn't wrong; Hyunjin was working mostly from home these days and it wasn't just an after-effect of corona. It was unclear to him whether he had unconsciously done it to hold on or to say goodbye to this place and their life. In any case, she's get to see him and they could trust her with Kkami. They would take him with them but they planned to walk a lot and let's just say that his short legs rather than his laziness, did not allow him to keep up with them.

He said his goodbyes; it was a rehearsal for later. It would be soul-crushing but it would add to the rest of the heartbreak.

Chaeryeong picked him up right on time.

"Enjoy your holiday. It's a nice place from what I remember."

He checked and double-checked their bags but his mood deflated when Seungmin was late.

"Sorry, sorry! No matter how early I go in, there's always more people that need to speak to me!" Seungmin said in a rush as he came in.

He was just fifteen minutes late and Hyunjin didn't think it was a big deal. He just thought for a second that he'd changed his mind but even if he had, Seungmin would just tell him. He won't leave him hanging like that.

"That's okay. Take a deep breath. We're not in any hurry. This is our schedule not anyone else's" Hyunjin reminded him, now feeling calm himself. The other was just fifteen minutes late. He kept repeating that to himself. With his job that was a miracle. Seungmin hated being late but he often was which made Hyunjin question whether Seungmin hated himself just a little for that.

"But the accommodation!" Seungmin lamented, still panicked.

"I'll call them. You're fifteen minutes late, it's not like it will change the schedule much but if you'd like to take a shower and cool down so we can leave relaxed, it's okay! Take your time. I'm assuming the booking is under my name?" he asked.

Seungmin nodded and he finally seemed to breath easily, like it wasn't suffocating him.

"Yeah. It's on your name, you know, in case you wanted to ditch me and go on your own. It's fully paid."

Hyunjin giggled. He knew that really it was because having Seungmin's name on things was asking for trouble. The media may get involved and even if it was not malicious, it would be a hassle. Even employees that realised that a politician was staying with them may end up giving them trouble but the way that Seungmin joked always made him laugh. For a minute there, he wasn't a stuffy politician but his beloved husband. Of course, Seungmin was really never a stuffy politician. For one, he was pretty open-minded and as public about it as he was allowed to, sometimes even stretching that string. He also actually cared about people and not so much about status so even as a politician, he wasn't stuffy but Hyunjin did feel stifled in this lifestyle.

Always hiding, obfuscating and side-stepping. They could never be honest in public and it pulled at his heart. The red string between them which Hyunjin swore he could see sometimes, had gotten tangled around his heart and constrained it. Sometimes he felt it around his throat too and around his hands when he couldn't say or do as he liked.

He understood conventions and sometimes he restrained himself because he thought it was best but there was such a thing as too much restraint and he'd reached his limit. He wanted to grab a piece of scissors and cut that string but that was impossible. He's forever tied to Seungmin. He didn't exactly mind even if his heart did bleed but he would be glad if the chokehold eased a little. He liked kinky stuff but not in this way. He'd feel empty if he removed the string completely but this felt like he was dying. Maybe he was already dead; sometimes he barely recognised himself.

Still, he didn't blame Seungmin. Well, perhaps a little but he had chosen to stay. Seungmin had asked him when they got together and still again when he wanted to enter politics and move and he'd chosen to be with him and support him in all that. Perhaps at that point, he didn't know what life had in store for him but since then, he'd had ample opportunities to say 'Seungmin, I can't do this anymore'.

Seungmin would have been sad but he'd accept that. Hyunjin himself would be sad; perhaps sadder.

Realistically, that's where they were heading. They had already spoken about taking it slow but it would end up with a dissolution. Seungmin wasn't going to change his life at this stage so the only thing that could change was their relationship. Realistically...they also sucked at this because it looked like they were going on a honeymoon when it was just the trip before the official break up.

"I'm ready! We can go!" Seungmin said, emerging from the bathroom looking like he'd been reborn though frowns didn't stay long off his face. "Have you been standing there all this time?"

Hyunjin glanced at his phone. It's been forty minutes or so...too little time for all the thoughts in his head.

"I was just thinking." He admitted.

"About all the wonderful sights that Gyeongju has in offer, I hope."

"No but I'm sure Gyeongju will surprise me. Or your detailed itinerary will." He didn't like lying but he didn't like Seungmin worrying either. Sometimes he thinks he will make a great negotiator. Maybe he could be Seungmin's steel-headed PA that gets other policymakers to fold or something although he was no Hyeonbin and his people convincing skills sucked. He definitely did not want to be a fully-fledged politician though Seungmin often told him that people would be surprised just how much low-level – even entry level – state employees got done. Politicians would probably not notice if they had an agenda and executed it: they gave them all the access but with the expectation that they would stay loyal. Foolish move really and that was why Seungmin only had a few trusted workers although he treated everyone else fairly so they probably would stay loyal to him because they had no reason to abandon him.

"I actually don't have a detailed itinerary but I do have a list of possible ideas."

Hyunjin gasped. "Kim Seungmin doesn't have a detailed itinerary?" He usually loved them. It wasn't even his assistant that did them for him; most times it was the work of Seungmin himself.

"No, I don't. As long as I see your beautiful face, I would have seen the prettiest sight in Gyeongju."

Hyunjin blushed and then he sighed. "What a charmer. Move it now. I will call the accommodation from the car." He'd been too absorbed to do it before but they weren't expected soon since the car trip leaned on four hours.

"If you want to see the second, third, fourth prettiest sight and so on, that can be arranged my prince." Seungmin continued to make him feel all fluttery while at the same time make him roll his eyes. At least while he said that he wasn't looking at him or he'd feel even more and he made himself useful – not that he wasn't that even in silence and lacking action – by grabbing their bags. All of them. Because to deal with the stress of sitting down for so long and schmoozing people even for longer, Seungmin had started working out. Most times, it was from home so he avoided gyms with other patrons and Hyunjin loved drawing sketches of his muscles. He also just loved staring because it was free hot entertainment.

"How generous. It's like we're going on holiday or something with so many sights." He said. When he felt a lot, he defaulted to sarcasm when he wasn't a blushing, blabbering mess.

"We are!" Seungmin said and he sounded so enthusiastic that it was contagious and the trip there went by so fast in good company, conversations and music curated by both of their tastes which weren't so different.

He wasn't surprised with Seungmin's choice of accommodation. It was nice, clean and somewhat fancy but not super luxurious where celebrities and politicians would usually vacation. There was less a chance of them running into people Seungmin may know personally or by sight and more chance of running into people that had saved a whole year for a nice vacation rather than the pennies it would be for the obnoxiously rich people. Hyunjin much preferred this though Seungmin had splurged a little so they got a room without immediate neighbours. When Hyunjin had commented on it, Seungmin gave him a look. He'd stared in his eyes then looked down at his lips slowly and Hyunjin got the message loud and clear about him being able to be loud later.

However, later meant at night. Now they still had an hour or so before sunset and Hyunjin dragged Seungmin out to enjoy it. They walked around in the streets feeling like tourists in their own country; at least they were visitors exploring the new neighbourhood and it felt nice getting lost in the crowd where no one knew them. Well, he assumed so anyway but just in case they didn't hold hands. All it took was one second and one camera and while it was common for friends to hold hands...they were well past the age for that to be appropriate and unlike Jisung, he couldn't lie and say they were just friends because even if they broke up they would be so much more. Sometimes he wished they were still at university just so they can get at least this.

Hyunjin got some sunset photos at least and it was so pretty that he made it his new wallpaper and as darkness started to take over, his stomach grumbled. No matter how many snacks he'd made for them to enjoy, he was here and he wanted something not prepared by him.

"Let's find you something to eat before Mr. boss stomach strikes again." Seungmin said with a cackle.

"Did you just assume the gender of my stomach?" Hyunjin gasped. In private, they joked a lot about these things. It kept Hyunjin alive just a little by joking about very important topics which they both cared about but which almost were non-existent in everyday Korean conversations. The joke smoothened the edges of their clear critique of what was around them. Not that anyone but close friends would ever be privy to that.

"I'm so sorry. Let me buy you dinner to make up for it for both you and your stomach."

"You were going to buy me dinner anyway." He noted. He should be the one buying them food but did it feel good having Seungmin offer? Absolutely. So he let it slide.

He couldn't have made a clear argument against it anyway because just then, sheltered a bit by the night's darkness, Seungmin grabbed and held his hand.

Hyunjin immediately looked around because even though the natural light was dimming there was a lot of light pollution. They were still visible! It reminded him of their time in the States and selfishly...he held on and even squeezed harder. They may be exposed but this was a holiday and he was going to enjoy it. He wasn't going to let the weight of people's expectations drag him down.

They settled into a small restaurant where they were both convinced to have소머리 국밥; the restaurant's speciality.

"Will I get to see what you bought tonight?" Seungmin asked him as they left the restaurant truly content. He leaned closer to ask possibly because it was a scandalous question at least in tone but Hyunjin suspected the other just wanted to be closer. He even squeezed his hand further and was that a tiny shoulder kiss over his clothes? He didn't feel much of it but it did bring an extra spring to his steps.

"Well...go to the room before because I want to buy something else."

Hyunjin had been thinking about the surprise a lot and he felt that the white outfit just wasn't enough. There was nothing to truly pop it off. The pink ribbons were cute but they washed out against all that white and he didn't want to feel like a blushing bride. That wasn't him. He could be docile and submissive but at least at the start, he wanted to make Seungmin's head explode. It was only fair play seeing as Seungmin would then make him explode with so many sensations. Hence why he'd picked that lingerie but now he wanted to add something to it and luckily there were stores that were still open.

"Do you need money?"

Hyunjin shook his head. He worried about money but he wasn't about to ask for it; not when Seungmin hadn't offered before he mentioned buying something. If he did, it would be like he was begging.

"No. I'll manage."

They parted ways and Hyunjin, guided by his phone, arrived at Jungang Market. He didn't want to take any risks and the night market was for sure open and have many shops which he can choose from. While he loved shopping, he was very utilitarian about this: he found a shop which he thought may serve him well and he trudged there, even walking up on the escalator so that he got there faster.

He saw the piece he needed immediately on a mannequin and he hoped it would look as fetching on him.

It was emerald green and shiny, reaching his mid-thigh. It was a robe he could use to hide the surprise and then keep on to contrast with the white. Well...until Seungmin or he decided he should be naked. In other words, it was perfect.

It even didn't cost that much and while that probably meant it wasn't sewed so well, it's not like he'll be wearing it every day. It would remind him too much of the fun they will surely have now.

The shopkeeper commented on how important it was to keep the wife happy with such gifts and Hyunjin refrained from rolling his eyes and commenting and just smiled and paid. He wanted to say how he'll look so good in that robe and how his husband would be pleased because he could buy his own things thank you very much. He also barely refrained from saying that if that was the only marriage advice he had, then no wonder there were so many unhappy wives who grit their teeth and bore on in a life where their husbands thought they could only be bought with gifts that ultimately benefitted the buyer as well without making the effort to truly hear them...a free gift.

In moments such as these where such things were taken for granted, he considered once more packing everything and moving somewhere else. Somewhere that may be just as bad but that won't break his heart so much. He'd need to save up though; he barely had enough money for the flights and for sure not enough for living although that problem also applied for here.

He needed to hustle some more. Make more artwork. Attend more events and exhibitions. Try to sell some more. Have a variety of affordable and pricey artworks so more people bought from him. He'd taken some business classes both in University and outside but usually Seungmin was his adviser in such matters just as he was Seungmin's literary agent. He didn't want to make him feel guilty by asking now. He was the one that had made his career choices and this was his cross to bear.

He'll think of his future after those four days. Right now he ran back to their hotel hoping that Seungmin hadn't crashed.

Fortunately, he found the other unpacking their things. Why he did that, Hyunjin never understood. Even for longer holidays, he lived out of his suitcase. Then again, his clothes tended to have more wrinkles but it's not the first time that both of them took turns ironing Seungmin's clothes if he was traveling for work and Hyunjin tagged along because Seungmin could not afford wrinkles or he'll make gossip news.

"Hey. You may want to clear the bed. We're going to use it soon." He said with an emergent smile, going to his suitcase to retrieve the packing cube with the needed 'outfit'. He'd made sure it wasn't visible in the cube and it felt like he was about to get ready for a performance...but wasn't he? And call him vain but although it was night and they would soon go off to sleep after, he grabbed his make-up pouch and hair stuff and he had a shower and tried to prepare himself – although not too much because Seungmin liked to do that himself. He made himself all pretty and it upped his confidence.

The white corset and underwear fit like a glove; even better than the first try if that was possible. A bit constraining but he liked that. He decided to wear knee-high socks after all and the robe tied everything together and inside as he tied it around himself.

He knocked once on the bathroom door from inside to catch Seungmin's attention.

"I'm coming out!"

"You already did like eons ago."

He rolled his eyes.

"You know, I look really good. Maybe I shall stay here and enjoy my own company." He accompanied the threat with a moan.

"Oh no please, I beg you. I am so very curious. I'll keep my mouth shut unless I'm praising or degrading you."

"Or whispering words of love!" he added

"Or whispering sweet nothings and words of undying love." Seungmin agreed.

Why had Hyunjin set himself up like that? Why would he demand words of love? The praise and degradation should have been enough but it was never enough for him, was it?

He stepped out and Seungmin gaped at him and when no words came out for a while, Hyunjin took it upon himself to uncover the surprise.

"Fuck. Gorgeous. Come here sweetheart."

Happy that he had affected him, he went into his arms. Seungmin pawned at his thighs with his big hands. He loved his thighs and Hyunjin loved his hands so it was a win-win situation.

That night he rode Seungmin so slowly that he thought they would fall asleep like that but waking up with Seungmin's cock in him wasn't that bad of an idea. It nearly happened too but Seungmin decided to thrust up in him a few times, make them both see stars and cum and then the gentleman that was his husband, made sure that Hyunjin was comfortable and clean as he went to remove Hyunjin's cum from the expensive corset because his underwear had been flung somewhere in the room but the corset and robe he'd teasingly kept on. It had been teasing for both of them really.

Seungmin even found his underwear before Hyunjin completely forgot and it them here.

Such a gentleman. He even got a forehead kiss with his 'goodnight sweetheart'.

Their holiday was a whirlwind of exploration and caresses and intimacy which did not feel like a goodbye at all but perhaps it was best this way. It would be less bittersweet if it ended on a fun note, no?

They went to Gyeongju Folk Craft Village where they both got the change to wear traditional clothing and it was both silly and humbling seeing how they lived in the past.

The hanoks were a work of art that Hyunjin was thinking to further work on but he did sketch what he could then. They also bought some artisan products perfect for their home and then they had a guided tour.

Seungmin took it upon himself to asked how workers lived and how women were treated and if there were not that known stories about them that got obfuscated in history and in moments like these, Hyunjin knew that despite the ten years that had gone by, he would never regret his choice because his choice was this amazing man. Their life paths may not match any more but he still admired him. He was a great politician even though it was not his calling and he knew that he made a difference but he was also sceptic about good politicians fitting into the system; they were probably allowed to do some good but also refrained and restrained from doing much more and Hyunjin would love if the other smashed that system but he also wanted him happy and that couldn't be in that system even if it was to annihilate it.

Seungmin insisted on taking film photos which he'd get developed after. Hyunjin requested his own copies.

"Why? They will be at home. No need to waste resources!" Seungmin commented and it made Hyunjin freeze for a second. Was Seungmin playing coy telling him he didn't want to break up or worse...he simply didn't get it?

He'll have time to correct that assumption later because they went to eat more great food and on the second full day they went to the National Park and Donggung Palace and Wolji Pond. He finally wore his new dungarees and white sunglasses and Seungmin had smiled gently at him and told him he looked cute. Seungmin too looked cute in comfortable jeans and a light hoody.

Getting to know more about the ancient Silla gave him so many ideas and yet again in such a historic place, he felt humbled so it was great that they visited Bulguksa Temple as well. He wasn't Buddhist but had great respect for the philosophy and even incorporated some of it in his life which was easy because some of it was already in the surrounding everyday culture.

That night, Seungmin drove them somewhere which was supposed to be his own surprise for Hyunjin and the other understood why. It was Cheomseongdae, the oldest surviving astronomical observatory in the continent and the stars from there were phenomenal.

Each night, on Seungmin's insistence, Hyunjin wore the lingerie again. He thought that Seungmin simply wanted to make the most of his investment but Seungmin said that he wanted to immortalise Hyunjin in this outfit so when he dreams of him, he'll be in it because he looked phenomenal, even better than the stars.

It sounded nice until he remembered that stars were dead.

Still; the stars were beautiful even in their dying mess.

That night, with smiles on their face thanks to the stars, Hyunjin put it on again one last time. They would leave Monday after lunch but Seungmin still had one last thing he wanted to do or so he'd said.

That night, Seungmin stopped him before he could untie the robe himself and he played with the belt.

"You know Jinnie?" Seungmin said, staring at him. "Green is a lucky colour. I think green is my lucky colour." And before Hyunjin could answer, he was being sweetly kissed.

It impressed him that Seungmin didn't get bored of the same outfit. He'd packed some other things as an afterthought – and because he tended to over pack – but they weren't as cohesive as this outfit was. This was the outfit of the trip so perhaps Seungmin wanting to immortalise him in it wasn't a bad idea; he'd at least look good in his memory.

He was also impressed by all the positions that Seungmin fucked him in; their sex life was good but he swore there were some new ones there which was impressive because they've been having sex for more than ten years.

It did feel a bit like a honeymoon but he didn't let it phase him. Some people got divorced soon after theirs.

Monday morning, Seungmin dragged him out of bed and he grumbled but followed. His heart clenched because this was the last day here and possibly the last day together. Well...putting a stop to it right after would ruin the good mood the holiday had massaged in them so perhaps it won't be soon after but it was coming.

Seungmin apparently wanted to buy some Hwangnam bread from the famous Hwang Nam Bbang. There was a line already before opening but once they did at eight, they were soon served.

"How does the Hwang like the Hwangnam?" Seungmin cackled, thinking himself so clever.

"I've had it before you know! Although admittedly, there is just something about the one here that's just different. Thanks. It's good."

The local speciality was good and he could understand why it was such but the surprise did not end there.

Spring was just trudging in. The first blossoms were opening. Trees weren't in full bloom yet but it was still magical. At this time of the day and well, probably because it was a Monday too, the Bomun Pavillion was nearly empty and it felt like they had it just for them as they munched on the red bean paste bread and took in the flowers. Had the trees been full of blooms, it would have attracted too many people so in a way he was happy they were here before the season.

Seungmin took a photo of him so Hyunjin extended his hand and demanded the camera and with it and his phone –seeing as the developed photos will remain with Seungmin- he took a photo of Seungmin against a backdrop of railing, colours and flowers. Then they took a photo together and they really looked happy it in but then they had to leave.

The way back wasn't sad. They kept on discussing all the things they've seen likely processing their overloaded senses. Hyunjin's heart for sure felt like it was.

They had seen so much and he felt like they should return even if separately because it was a charming city with much more to see but he was not sure if that would ever come to be and he was just grateful for having finally visited.

---

Seungmin's drafts were truly depressing to read. Some of them were super sweet and reminded him of fated love stories just like he believed theirs to be. The rest were just self-flagellation and full of pity and the characters lamented a lost love. It was very nostalgic and he couldn't help but make the connections from their own soon approaching end. At least Seungmin had a workable draft which Hyunjin left comments on for him to edit and re-edit and cry over before sending it to his publisher.

Because he was a coward, he hadn't yet found the right time to re-discuss and re-evaluate their relationship so things were still normal. Not like it was bad or like he felt trapped; if anything he was relieved that he could still bask in their love but he still wanted to cut himself loose because Seungmin's job and life were no longer a fit for him. He may have willingly sacrificed a lot in these past few years but he couldn't anymore. He was an empty jar with nothing left to give.

He wanted to be out there with the person he was with. Of course, since it won't be Seungmin will it even be worth it? He'll never love someone so much but perhaps if he got to show such love, it would grow. Even if it was a smaller love, it would still be nice. If he settled for this life, he can settle for a not quite majestic love. And it wasn't just about Seungmin; he wanted to speak his truth and make jokes and express himself without feeling like whatever he did or said would impact Seungmin's public life.

Seungmin had a public appearance and for once he didn't know because Seungmin had asked him if he was free. He realised from how Seungmin dressed a bit more carefully and from him fretting during breakfast and then he checked his public schedule online and it was there.

He too fretted, unsure if he should say anything but in the end he told him 'good luck' and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks" Seungmin smiled, slightly pacified.

There were more public events after that; once that Hyunjin was never asked to go to. Most times, Seungmin didn't even mention them but he saw a fancy paper invite here and a reminder-to-self note there yet Seungmin kept his promise and he never got Hyunjin involved.

"You can tell me if you're going somewhere you know. I don't have to be there to know." He told him once over dinner, feeling guilty that he'd removed one of Seungmin's important support systems –himself- during such a stressful time.

"I don't want you to feel guilty." Seungmin muttered, mouth full of noodles and not rice for a change as Hyunjin was feeling rather culinary experimental these days.

"I won't be. I still stand by me not joining you in public because what for? If I continue it will either lead to speculation or people continue to ignore me and that doesn't feel good but I don't have to be there to support you, okay? Want to rant about today?"

And a grateful Seungmin did just that.

The other still supported him, asking about his art and events so it was only fair that he at the very least, got to listen to Seungmin's worries.

Three weeks after they got back from their holiday, Seungmin called him in clear worry.

"I forgot a folder at home and I only have everything in hardcopy! How stupid could I be! Hyeonbin-ssi told me to at least take photos of everything in that folder but I didn't want to make a boring work document occupy the same space as our holiday photos on my phone. How stupid, no?" he ranted and Hyunjin cackled. The other was tech savvy. He at the very least knew he could create different gallery folders but now was not the time to tell him that. If Hyunjin were in his position, he wouldn't want to waste a single kilobyte on such documents.

"Want me to bring it to you?" he offered.

"Don't you have work?"

"I do but I'm flexible. The great merit of self-employment." He replied. Not that he was always flexible; far from it sometimes he had to make up for lost time by working way beyond normal office hours but during those office hours where shops and public spaces would be quieter, he could make himself free. He had an exhibition in a week but the artwork was thankfully finished and he simply needed to pack and move everything and work on how to best present them. And sharpen his presentation skills yet again. He'd actually learned a lot of them for Seungmin.

"Then if you don't mind..." he said surprisingly calm even though his next words where there in a pleading rush "I would be indebted to you forever and ever because there's some figures in there that I can't misquote or I'll look like an uncaring fool!"

"No problem. Where is it? I'll leave now."

"I'll send you a car! This is official business after all! It's on my desk probably right in the middle. A green folder."

He found the folder but insisted on going there on his own. He'll grab a taxi so it would still be quick but he refused to get Seungmin involved in a possible misappropriation of public funds scandal. A car to drive your lover with one important folder? The fuel costs and emissions! Wasting the time of a publically employed driver! Anyway, his Kakao account was actually linked to Seungmin's card although sometimes he paid expenses back to him but that way if he was skint, he could still use important services (and he didn't actually mean the nice emojis). Seungmin will be paying for this trip but not from public funds.

He was no stranger to Seungmin's office; he'd spent a lot of time there but the employees always wondered who he was. Of course they knew that he was friends with Seungmin...but they all suspected. Maybe Seungmin could be tactful but he also got that look in his eyes sometimes accompanied by a smile whenever he looked at Hyunjin – at least according to Felix and Jisung – and Hyunjin could never suppress his fondness so at the very least they suspected that he had a crush on Seungmin and worried that it would impact their boss's career and thus their own by extension. He felt like laughing...crush was such a diminutive word although it was just what his heart had been experiencing lately.

He walked to Hyeonbin's desk since Seungmin seemed stressed and likely he was preparing for a presentation of some kind but he was surprised when Seungmin himself came out to greet him.

"Thank you sweetheart! You're a life saviour. I will see you at home and don't worry about dinner today. I'll bring it."

And then he...kissed him on the cheek, grabbed the folder, smiled one last time and turned on his heels where Hyeonbin was holding a door open for him.

Hyeonbin stared at them, his eyebrows unimpressed.

Did he just...was he was that tired and stressed that he slipped? Had he actually called Hyunjin 'sweetheart' in public and kissed him in the middle of his office? It wasn't even in greeting because it was after they spoke. It was mild...but so public that it shocked him even though there weren't that many employees milling about – but not that many wasn't none.

He chucked it to an anomaly. Seungmin was stressed and grateful and forgot his filter for a second. It was nice to see him act like that without his usual restraint. At least he got to experience once this year.

----

It was the night of his exhibition. The day before he'd hauled and arranged all the artwork and he swore his back hurt from that; definitely his knees which he'd knocked on various pieces of furniture and scraped on walls as he worked. Maybe he needed to go to the dance studio more often even though it was strange without Minho; stretch a bit more and use his muscles especially in the near future where he won't even partake in sex so often if any because like did he trust random men enough to get off with them? He was at an age where sex was nice...in theory but he wouldn't go out of his hormonal way to get it especially if he suspected it will not leave him satisfied. And apart from some partners being totally selfish, just the fact that they were not Seungmin would leave him unsatisfied.

He wasn't the sole artist – thankfully of he'll be very bored and probably shit himself because while it got easier with time to try to sell himself, it was never easy – but he was the featured artist that got the most space and he's also expected to say a few words at the launch.

"Hey Hyunjin-ah" Eunseong greeted him. She was his age and one of the other artists who he got to know specifically because this gallery asked them all to present their works during a spring themed event. You bet that a lot of Gyeongju's impressions made it to his artwork, some of which he completely revamped the idea for to fit with that and in Hyunjin's very biased opinion, the set up looked better with those new paintings. "Isn't that politician Kim Seungmin? Does he like art?" she whispered to not draw attention to them.

Hyunjin whipped his head around to search for Seungmin and of course he immediately found him.

What was he doing here? Not that he didn't appreciate the support but he hadn't given him an invite. Even though they've been together for so long, Hyunjin always made it a point to at least ask directly or send an email just so Seungmin won't think he was taking him for granted but this was Hyunjin's first event after he stopped going to Seungmin's public events and he's just assumed that it was only fair that if he doesn't go, then Seungmin shouldn't come to his.

He did expect a good luck text or in person over breakfast like he himself did and when he didn't get it, he'd assumed the other simply forgot with his busy schedule.

Apparently, like many times, he'd assumed wrong because Seungmin was here, in a suit but a different one from the one he had gone to work in this morning. He of course looked quite fetching and expensive but he had an approachable smile.

And he was approaching them.

His smile got even bigger.

"Hey. Quite a turn out!" he beamed "Is that jacket new?"

Hyunjin had splurged a bit on a new jacket...well it was second-hand but he had plenty of jackets no matter what he always said about having nothing to wear (he liked shopping and Seungmin liked giving him gifts and he never gave any of his clothes away so he'd accumulated quite a lot) but he thought that he'd feel a billion won in this one. It was white, apart from the lapel which was black...with and under layer of lace and sequins on top. His wrist was adorned with the red knotted bracelet which he thought of as his lucky bracelet now. He felt fancy but artsy, controversial but borderline acceptable and so gender-natural because who wouldn't look good in this jacket? Underneath he wore a light pink blouse that could pass for a button-down shirt and his slacks were tight but not strip club tight. He wore heeled boots too but they were low ankle boots and looked more like heels. Definitely controversial verging on acceptable. He could get away with it easier at an art event.

"Ah yes. It's new yes." He replied, confusion clear. To buy himself more getting-it-together time he introduced Eunseong.

"Ah. Dosie? Is that your artistic name? Hyunjinnie showed me a few of your pieces; the blossoms ones and I can't wait to see what you have exhibited today."

To say that Eunseong was shocked was an understatement. She bowed and promised to give them a tour of her little section before she left in a hurry probably to try making sense of a politician knowing who you were more than you knew them.

"I didn't think you'd come." Hyunjin finally confessed, taking the honest approach.

"And why wouldn't I?" Seungmin frowned. He didn't always come but the two times that he hadn't in all those years, there were important reasons for him missing the event like an emergency assembly and one time he'd been involved in a car accident that they seriously doubted was just a car accident and from which Hyunjin nearly had a heart attack after the event because Seungmin hadn't told him at the time, just that he couldn't make it after all but he had sent Hyeonbin to buy a painting on his behalf and was his assistant actually doing his job or was he being a friend? He'd bought two actually, one of an artist that Hyunjin admired and one of Hyunjin's himself – a small one due to the walls in their home being full. At least what they lacked in photos they made up in paintings and no one could remove the memories of those especially if they didn't understand them.

"Well...I don't come to your events anymore." He muttered.

"True but you still support me and relationships aren't always equivalent exchange. You were hurting by coming to mine but I enjoy yours. I feel alive here so why shouldn't I come?" Seungmin was beaming and his eyes shone.

Hyunjin looked around trying to discern if anyone heard him say 'relationship'.

Seungmin sighed. "Is this what ten years with me have done to you? Hell, I have a lot to atone for. You used to be so carefree and laugh so freely. You loved and didn't care who knew and now I've made you look around your shoulders all the time." Seungmin said it so sadly that it broke Hyunjin just a bit more.

"It's okay" he comforted "You're a public figure. I get it."

"No, it's not okay. Let's discuss this later, okay? I was quite happy with how things were going but I was being selfish because you weren't happy and some things need to change. We'll talk it out later. I think there's some art lovers you need to convince to buy your art but oh, I reserve the right of purchase on that painting." He said, pointing at one of the paintings inspired by their holiday. It was stars they had seen at the observatory serving as a background to some blossoms, darkened by the night and even more beautiful for it.

Perhaps they did need to talk. Maybe Hyunjin would finally get the courage to end it in search of happiness which seemed ironic because Seungmin did make him happy but not their situation.

"You don't need to do that. I can just-"

"No. I'm buying it. It's your job not just your passion just like you insist on buying my books or if you ever need, you'd book a normal appointment with me rather than try to ask for favours at home."

Seungmin holding on to his principles made him even hotter somehow. Although there was a bit of a difference between buying one book or booking an appointment to buying a painting that was 700,000 Won. He guessed that Seungmin could afford it more; in their relationship while he still felt bad about it, he'd made peace with their affordability being different.

He didn't have time to debate because there were indeed people that he needed to schmooze. It did help that Seungmin bowed to him and thanked him for explaining about the painting he wanted to buy and he mentioned how he was so looking forward to hanging the sweet painting in his living room. The people who recognised him were quick to ask about other paintings that they liked too and while Hyunjin explained, he took the time to knock Seungmin's feet with his own in admonishment because he did not need his help!

But the whole convincing spiel did go easier than normal so maybe he should thank him.

It had gone really well and when it was only the gallery people and the artists and their closed ones inside, Seungmin stayed and from somewhere, he procured a bouquet of purple tulips which he gifted to Hyunjin. His hand wrapped around the bouquet; the hand that held the tulip ring and heart ring on the same finger now.

"Congratulations on another successful event sweetheart. The whole event was fantastic. I spoke to Eunseong-ssi but I unfortunately did not have time to chat with Kibum-nim."

He sighed and took it in stride. Seungmin wanted to support him like he always had and in fact, he was doing more than normal so what can he say?

"Thank you. They're beautiful" they would also provide him with some sketching material too as he calmed down from the mass production he'd entered in pre-exhibition. "Let me introduce you then." He concluded. So what if people saw them together? Maybe they'll assume he was a patron but really, with how familiar they were with each other it was quite evident what was happening at least to people in those circles. Most of them were queer and could spot 'stable life partners' from a continent away.

So he didn't shy away from grabbing Seungmin's hand though he looked at him to see if he was comfortable. Seungmin smiled and allowed himself to be dragged to where the other two artists were still in conversation with each other's loved ones.

"Kim-ssi wanted to meet Kibum-nim as well, I hope we're not imposing."

"Not at all!" Kibum greeted them "I'm happy to see a member of the assembly that actually cares about the arts. I voted for you."

They all laughed because you can never know if he's being serious or sarcastic at least in the short time he's known him.

"I'm just sad that I wasn't able to bring Hyunjin-ah flowers. His art is amazing" he said and Kibum gave him a look that made Hyunjin think that he was flirting with him.

Seungmin's arm settled around his shoulders "I'm sure that you can still bring him flowers. He loves all of them but purple tulips are his birth flower. Truly a romantic, he loves roses too especially the pink ones and peonies. He loves all flowers really but I can't name the rest." Seungmin spoke as if he was narrating a nature documentary – one of those that Hyunjin was fascinated by thanks to one Han Jisung.

He wasn't sure what was going on. On one hand, Seungmin seemed possessive...on the other he was giving tips to woo him? Or was he so secure that he knew Hyunjin would reject anyone else (which...true) or was he giving tips in hopes of Hyunjin making friends (which again, he needed). It was all truly strange but as the three artists and their loved ones went around the exhibition and introduced it as they would have liked to instead of the marketable version, they had an enjoyable time.

'Oh, I cried over this. The pink just wouldn't settle as I wanted to'

'I had this idea while I was on the toilet and started to order the materials while still there'

'This series is based on a holiday we took and I should go away more often and let inspiration hit me in the face'

They even took a group photo. Seungmin's hand was around his waist. Nothing scandalous but it will draw attention. The photo was posted on many of their accounts and even the gallery's social media.

----

The next day was a Saturday. They woke up slowly and it took even longer for Hyunjin to make a list of things they needed to discuss only for Seungmin to be blunt.

"My book launch...will you come to that?" he asked and even presented him with an invite.

Hyunjin had read the drafts but the finished version was a surprise to him because he wanted to read it and gasp at Seungmin's literary genius; one that should be showcased to the whole world, if only they could learn Korean for it because translations would not do it justice.

"Of course. Your book launch isn't your political career! I would always support that!" he said, perhaps putting his foot in his mouth and even though he had almost no gag reflex...it was too much even for him.

"So you won't support my political career?"

"Just publically I meant! Although you know that I think you'd be happier focusing on your writing but of course it's your decision and you are doing very important work. Never doubt that. I do admire you for your courage." He said and he meant it; he may not like what it did to him, to them...but he knew it was important.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm doing a multitude of small unimportant things and only one big thing every once in a while" Seungmin confided with a sigh. He ran his hand through his hair and messed it up.

"Maybe but those multitude of small unimportant things would then add up to a big important thing, I'm sure" he smiled "Now, where will we hide this time? I suggest next to the buffet table."

Since Seungmin wrote under a penname, he never showed his face. If he was seen, he'd say that he was a politician interested in literature but usually they stayed on the side-lines and dressed out of suites with his hair styled differently and perhaps wearing a facemask, Seungmin was barely recognisable unless you were Hyunjin who could spot him everywhere. If there were awards, sometimes Hyunjin accepted them on his behalf as his agent but most often they simply told the organisers to announce it but that there shouldn't be a public presentation.

"Actually...just come with me and see?"

Now he was intrigued. Did Seungmin buy ball masks or something? Kinky. He could pair his with something nice later.

"Should we have that talk now?" he asked. He was a coward but he was also impatient and having to wait for it would be worse.

Seungmin made them sit down and Hyunjin heart went with them. Sitting down? It was obviously serious.

"Hyunjinnie, you've had to change for me...now it's my turn. I promise to do better. Please don't leave me." He begged with pleading eyes.

Seungmin had never begged him as much as he had these past few months and faced with the one thing that Hyunjin didn't actually want to do...he almost gave in.

"I'm not happy like this" he admitted "I can't see a future where I'm public about my sexuality because even though I do it without you and just express myself as an individual, people would find the connection between us. I lost nearly everything and believe me I don't want to lose this too but if losing it means I find something else, find myself again, then it's what I need to do."

Seungmin handed him over a tissue which made him cry even more.

"And what if you can express yourself publically and still be with me? Would you bear with me for at least another decade? Would you gift me your smiles and presence?"

He hoped that that other wrote similar words in his books; they were good words and he'd love to read them.

"Yes...but I kind of want to be public about my relationships as well and with your career that can never happen." He admitted a bit ashamed. He did say that he just wanted to express himself as a person but he was being greedy; if he had a man like Seungmin he was going to bask in his love publically. Or he won't have a man like Seungmin.

"We can. Let me deal with my career." Seungmin sighed "Can you help me pick an outfit for the launch?" he asked.

Was that all? Asking him to not break up, promise him that they can be public and...was it that simple?

Usually they went a bit camp to the launches like all their artistic events. It was a break from tediousness for Seungmin and an expression of creativity for Hyunjin.

This time was no different. Seungmin had a black button-down shirt that had white embroidery and a gold-tipped collar and his slacks were contrastingly white and he looked like a vision. Hyunjin wore plum because it was supposed to be a celebration. A short-sleeved, deeply plunging shirt with big clam shell buttons and matching trousers that also had clam shell buttons at his hips and they may have nearly gotten snagged on the seatbelt but he looked good and it was weather-appropriate too so he wasn't sweating buckets.

At least he looked good when he received the shock of his life.

Seungmin did not stay anonymous this time and his publishers – who actually hadn't known who he was until recently since Hyunjin was usually the intermediary – took great pleasure in introducing him as the famed author. Sure, he hadn't broken any records but his books were often talked about and Hyunjin took pleasure in mentioning that he was his favourite author to people that he had just met so they knew from the get go and so they would check him out. He would be a one-person marketing team but fortunately his publishers actually had their own so he didn't have to.

"Thank you for coming to my launch. I'm sure it's a shock for all of you."

Understatement of the century.

"I'm quite fond of writing and in fact at University, I took as many creative writing classes as I could. I do sometimes make use of those skills at my other job. Making reports sound interesting is an achievement of mine which my staff take credit for since everyone assumes I don't write them myself."

People cackled. Hyunjin hadn't proofread those reports because they had confidential information but he was always burning to read them; anything by his favourite author he wanted to read.

"I would like to thank all those readers that enjoy my writing. It's a consolation knowing that I didn't get so many papercuts for nothing."

Was this a comedy show? Bet that the attendees were eating it up and it was all for free!

"Writing gives me enjoyment even though sometimes I feel like quitting because I can't find anything to write but I get through it mostly with the help of Hyunjin-ah, that person sitting right over there. The pretty person in plum. See, I even know how to alliterate in speech."

The joke distracted people from him and his tomato face. Did he just name and thank him publically? And call him pretty? Sure he hadn't said 'my pretty partner in plum' but his tone and expression said it all; it wasn't just verbal communication.

"If there is anyone that voted for me or grew confident in my work through the years, I would like to thank them. I don't plan to pursue election once more at least not the upcoming one as I would like to focus on other things but I promise you that with this in mind, I will advocate for more change for a better country."

Hyunjin blinked. What?

He wasn't going to go for re-elections? Was this a recent decision? When he'd said that he'll change...did he mean that? And why of all places he was disclosing that decision at a literary event?

Without the pressure of votes, Seungmin really had the capacity to go for less popular and more controversial topics to advocate on. Before, he was forced to toe the line not only by his party but by his constituents but if he was not worried about that...he may actually bring more important change rather than smaller ones. Of course his successors may undo all his work but if he proved that it could work...he can then campaign externally for their reintroduction or someone else would. There were countless, tireless – even though they did get tired but then continued – campaigners out there and Seungmin (and thus Hyunjin sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly) had met them before. He was one of those that believed in civil society...and he may just become it after he abandoned public life. He often had an amazed expression after he met such groups and Hyunjin would be all too happy for Seungmin to finally be happy in his job.

"But for now, enjoy the book reading and consider buying the book and now that you know who I am, I don't mind signing this or any other book by me." He bowed to the crowd and people outside would think it's a concert because they went wild.

We will be okay

Let's hold hands whenever

I'll be your wings, I will hold your hands

We're shining brighter, say you love me

Seungmin grabbed a copy on the way to him and he gifted it to Hyunjin who was still staring at him.

"Excuse me? Can I get my book signed?" a young woman asked. She batted her eyelashes but thankfully Seungmin did not bat that way.

"Sure. Just a second as I want the first book I sign to be for my love." He answered with a smile. Then he gave the signed book to Hyunjin. The writing simply said 'I love and appreciate you Hyunjinnie – Minnie'.

The woman left with a signed book but a whole search engine worth of confusion.

"So?" Seungmin asked, indicating the book with his eyes.

"Don't you so me! You saw what happened!" Hyunjin whispered though he made sure the precious book was safe.

Seungmin cackled. "Good use of language. Want to collaborate on writing another joint book? I will have some free time in a few months."

The woman was not the only one confused and he didn't mean the people she was talking to who were looking their way which is what he had indicated to the other but he didn't bother looking their way.

"You really want to give up?"

"It's not giving up. It's moving on. It was a good stint and I do feel accomplished and I'm sure I will be even more so once I campaign and advocate for all the things I actually want to do. After, maybe I join an activist group and put pressure from the outside. I feel like I can contribute a lot more to that seeing and I know how the systems works and maybe one day we can even get legally married here among other things."

Hyunjin felt like he was about to cry.

"I'm sorry you had to do that for me."

"Don't apologise. You scarified a lot for me and now it's my turn and besides, you were right. I'm happier when I write...and I'm happier with you. I'm quite fond of the life we've built together. Please give me ten more years sweetheart?"

Seungmin clasped his hands among his own.

Hyunjin's smile hurt because it was so big.

"Even twenty more. Even more than that. We promised forever didn't we?"

"Yes. Yes, we did and this time I want us to actually go for a legal marriage, if you want. Even if it's not here for now. Dear unlawfully wedded husband, would you like to become my lawfully married husband?" Seungmin of course knew his views on marriage not only because he went starry-eyed at dramas or soft around elderly couples. They had actually discussed it but Seungmin's fear had taken precedence over his own romantic wishes. He had stability anyway and that was what he essentially wanted...although a nice piece of paper had power and he did want it.

Was he...getting proposed again? There wasn't a ring – Seungmin had already adorned his finger with two of those – and there wasn't a knee – apart from the ones attached to their bodies but it wasn't on the floor – but that wouldn't be them. They were unconventional –although their friends said their day to day lives were boring and very conventional – and who gives a fuck about the proposal when he gets more years with his partner who he can now love publically?

He was smiling so big that he couldn't speak but when he tried to dim it, he just couldn't so he nodded instead.

-------

Seungmin, as predicted, was a whirlwind. He proposed topics and asked for committees to be set up on very controversial subjects; ones that others were scared to. He asked for studies on them. He showed up at commitments with people knowledgeable on the subject or who had experienced injustices and he moved public opinion.

Suicide. Unjust gender divisions. Unjust inequality and accessibly for same-gender couples. Military and trans people. Worrying alcohol consumption levels. Extreme single-use of plastics. He went there and beyond. Of course he only had a few months left and his party was not happy but what could they do? Kick him out for doing his job? Because he still was; even though the topics were controversial he had public backing on most of them. Not all but once he humanised the issues and also factored in the economic value...people at least understood that those topics needed to be discussed.

In the meantime, he was approached by several civil society organisations...all wanting him to join them after his time ended. He was sure that some of them would even offer him a paid job but for now they didn't dare as it could be seen as bribery.

"How about New York? We can get married and see our friends."

By now everyone who had a few working brain cells and enough interest had made the connection that Hyunjin was his partner. The other had advocated for protection in jobs for queer people and in health insurance and next-of-kin rights for queer couples with too much vehemence for it to not be personal. Hyunjin was expecting him to raise 'non-blood family of choice' as a topic and that would be without precedence globally. Did he mention just how proud he was?

Kibum had texted him 'damn Hwang, you're getting it hot' a day after Seungmin came out as an author.

Eunseong had simply texted him a string of emoji; the last one being an explosion.

The five artists that he shared studio space with had simply sent him a collective 'finally'. They'll be seeing more of him now that Seungmin was meeting so many people off-hours at their home. Their home now adorned in art and photographs.

Their friends in the States...had called them so much that Hyunjin switched off his phone.

Seungmin's family was not happy but seeing the change that their son was bringing...they were strangely proud. Hyunjin was plain proud.

So they went to New York again to get married. It was just as emotional as their first. They repeated those first vows and then added to them.

They had chosen a bracelet to seal their commitment; one that had an extra chain that hooked on their rings now sitting on both their ring fingers on the left hand. The chain would ground them in their love and it looked cool. They'll fit right in, in alternative artistic spaces.

"So when are you going to propose?" Changbin whined at Felix the day after their wedding.

Their friends had rented them all a house and while many would lament at spending their honeymoon with their friends, Hyunjin who had missed them immensely and who got to spend every single day with Seungmin anyway actually loved it.

"...I need to find the cereal." Felix said making all of them laugh.

"He needs to find cereal! There better be a ring inside!"

Hyunjin threw his head back. Seungmin's hand on his back felt grounding.

They'd go back to Seoul and shake hands and some ground and climb new heights together. They'll fight to be themselves and for people who couldn't fight on their own.

But they could come back here too. They could have two homes; there was enough space in their hearts.

Bad days would not go away but just like a fantasy novel, they will continue banding together and fight their way till the end. It would be just one chapter or part of one. The rest of the book is what Hyunjin would try to focus on.

For now, he enjoyed the mess that was his friends. Changbin and Felix had been married for two years, yet both of them seemed to forget that but maybe they wanted a second wedding too.

Hyunjin would 100% recommend a second one especially if it was to the person that first made his heart flutter in so many different ways and still continues to do so to this day.

--

Notes:

Song: PURPLE KISS - Hate Me, Hurt Me, Love Me (I used the English translation)

간장버터 닭구이 - soy butter chicken

고시원 - Gosiwon; cheap shared accommodation.

소머리 국밥- ox head rice soup

Anything else you don't understand, you should know to research;)